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  1. Hello to everyone ! I am a 28 years old male who suffered from anxiety and depression. In 2018 May i was put on Sertraline 100mg and upped untill 200mg in 3 months. i got rid of the anxiety but depression was still there. After 3 months i quit cold turkey did not experienced any withdrawal but depression was still there. after that the GP gave me Citalopram 40 mg which for 4 months experienced mostly side effects such as numbness, heavy brain fog, depersonalisation and lack of concentration i got sick of them so i started Lexapro10mg by myself without tapering or anything like that. I have been on Lexapro 10mg from December 2018 until April 2019 and quit cold turkey deciding to see if i can make it without them. The first month was horrible but at the beggining of May i experienced for the first time in many years a relief of everything i felt normal for about 8 hours, then by mistake when taking my supplements ( Fish Oil and Magnesium Methyfolate ) i took 0.5 mg lexapro by mistake and in about 5 hours i was back to square one. The first month i experienced the most heavy depression i have ever felt absolutely horrible could not come out of the house could not focus on anything or do anything just Dead. Now i feel much better after 2 months no depression no anxiety but i my head is like in a fish bowl i experience brain fog depersonalisation and no brain activity , anhedonia and the worst of all i cant focus to read properly. I apologise if it`s difficult to understand my writing but i find it very difficult to think. Will this ever go away ? i am really scared. I hope and wish nothing but the best to everyone out there in suffering from this. Thank you
  2. LCatherine Hello, I am 25 and sometimes feel that my life is over because of Lexapro that was only taken for just shy of two months. I don't know where else to turn, my family and doctors do not believe me and my friends have never been through this hell, so they don't understand. I was a healthy, happy girl for 24 years. Mild anxiety, mild depression, but no severe mental health issues, especially compared to what I've experienced over the last 9 months. It started in September of 2019 when I decided to go on a hormonal birth control for the first time in years. Horrible mistake, I was immediately hit with crippling anxiety and waves of panic attacks. I could barely leave my home and cried all of the time because I didn't know what was happening. I had to go to work so I saw my primary care doctor and he prescribed me Zoloft. I had taken Zoloft roughly a year and a half prior for mild depression (again, NOTHING compared to what I've experienced recently) and it made me feel okay at the time so I thought I would give it another shot. It heightened my anxiety and made me very suicidal the second time, I believe because my hormones were out of whack so it wasn't really ME that it was treating if that makes sense. I went back to my doctor after only taking it for a week and he prescribed me 5mg Lexapro. This was the beginning of October. The first few days I thought maybe it was working, my anxiety was down and I felt calm. Something was instantly not right though, and I felt extremely off. I wrote in my journal that when I was speaking it felt like it was not really me, like there was a space between my thoughts and my words. My inner dialogue was completely silenced which was terrifying. Brain fog set in, things didn't connect or make sense, I felt nothing. I couldn't eat, I couldn't leave my bed and the next two months were a blur that I still have trouble remembering. My head constantly hurt, my ears rang, my vision was compromised, I was dizzy all of the time, had severe depersonalization/derealization and it felt like I had severe inflammation of the brian. I had adverse side effects and it truly felt like I was in hell. I was bumped up to 10mg despite feeling horrible. On Thanksgiving I was sitting with my mom and childhood best friend and her mother. I didn't care if I died, if they died, I just wanted to disappear and I knew I had to get off of Lexapro. I didn't have proper medical guidance and stopped cold turkey. It's been 5 months since stopping, and I would love to say that everything is back to normal, however that is not the case. The bizarre brian sensations, which I later learned were brain zaps, have subsided, but I still have horrible brain fog, waves of DP/DR, my inner voice is much quieter than it once was, and when I get stressed or anxious I feel like I may pass out. I still have ringing in my ears and eye floaters. I have been to the ER several times, I had an MRI done and multiple tests and everything came back fine. I have seen two different psychiatrists who just pushed more drugs, most of which I did not take. I did take a low dose of Amitriptyline briefly but stopped because it made me feel sort of manic and had other weird side effects. I should mention that I have been very sensitive to medication my entire life. I asked my psychiatrist if Lexapro could still be causing these symptoms and he said no, that when people come off of antidepressants they experienced flu like symptoms for 1-2 weeks and then are fine. I had to do research myself, because I never experienced any of these symptoms until I took Lexapro. I could feel it destroying my brain, and it has not recovered. It feels as if my nervous system is wrecked. I take fish oil, D3 daily and occasionally magnesium. My mom believes that the symptoms I'm experiencing are caused from breast implants that I got when I was 22, although I had them for years with no side effects, or due to vaping which I also had no problems with for a year prior to all of this. My question is, will it get better? Sometimes it feels like I will never be myself again. I have lost all pleasure in things I used to love. The idea of going back to school and starting a career seems impossible, and sometimes I feel like I will just be a vegetable and waste away. I try to stay positive most of the time, I have read success stories that give me hope, but other times I feel very hopeless. I don't want to go the rest of my life feeling brain dead and like I have no purpose because of a pill I was prescribed for two months. Please help.
  3. Mikefeelworst Hi everyone, I am Mike. I just joined here. I am 18 years old. I got diagnosed depression and anxiety one year ago. And I spent one year on Pristiq. When I get better, my doctor decreased it to 25mg, I remember that I spent two months on it. Then I came off it. The nightmare is begin. At the first few days I started insomnia, don't want to eat, those symptoms are not terrible. After that I starting to become a zombie.Everyday is getting worse. Emotion numb, mind blank,. So I know that I have to take it again. So I starting again on last month 1st and added zoloft on 28th until now. Now, I am still emotion numb and my brain is very bad. Few days ago I just met my doctor, I told him I 'lost emotion experience' he don't believe me. He said those symptoms is impossible to happen on me. My family don't believe me too they think that I really want to sick wtf. They think I am just depression , anxiety and think too much. I think that I have got schizophrenia negative after withdrawal. I am so scare now. My mind is blank and I scare that I will develop Intellectual disability. And I am worry that I can't take care myself in the future. I don't know is that the side effect or something. Anyone experienced exactly the same thing like me? I don't want my life end in here.
  4. Mikefeelworst

    Mikefeelworst: Need help. I am so scared.

    Suffering depersonalization after Pristiq withdrawal I had been on Pristiq for a year I came off my last dose 12.5mg(1/4) pristiq.My doctor told me it was safe.Because I took it for two months. But I still starting develop depersonalization. Two weeks later, I know that I need to take it again. I called my doctor and he told me starting again from 50mg pristiq.I already took them for eight weeks. And my doctor added zoloft from 25mg to 50 mg around one week since last month 28th. My mind is blank and emotion is numb. Don't care about anything.I am just 18 years old. Now I Living like a zombie. Even I go to the gym every day. I don't know how many time it need to take to recover. Doctor don't believe me. Even my family. They think that I am thinking too much... I am really scare that I will develop Intellectual disability. I can't take care myself in the future. I need to pretend that I am fine front of them. I don't know How much time I have left. I am ready for develop to Intellectual disability.
  5. Hi, I am a 24 year old female from Montreal, Canada. I keep my childhood close to my heart as it is evidence of life being enjoyable. At age 12, I was diagnosed with O.C.D. and after a year or two of therapy, I was able to rid myself of most of my obsessional behaviours. At age 13, entering high school, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression, and was quickly put on anti-depressants. The following decade of my life consisted of continuous suffering (unwavering depression, hospital stays, self harm, suicidal tendencies, crisis after crisis, chain smoking cigarettes, chronic weed smoker, overweight, risky behaviour, terrible relationship with parents, couldn't work or go to school, ect). I was on anti-depressants /anti-anxiety /anti-psychotic/ sleeping aid medication during puberty and after. In 2016, after a decade of suffering, and realizing the two constants in my life have been meds and suffering, I started questioning the mental health system and what I have been told, and fed. 3 years later, here I am, almost off of my 10-year-long relationship with Cipralex(SSRI) (from ten years of 40mg to now, 5mg). I was lucky enough to find somebody online who is incredibly experienced and knowledgable about weening off of meds, and who has helped me taper safely. I am also very lucky to have parents who would do anything for me and support my journey and healing in every way possible. Since then I have been reducing my dosages every few months very slowly with little withdrawal symptoms, and it has been going really well. I started feeling hope that I never thought would be possible. Up until now. A couple of months ago, I dropped my dosage of Cipralex from 5mg to 4mg and within two weeks started feeling waves of panic that I had not felt in years. One night, I felt the surge of panic, and eventually fell asleep after several hours of struggling. I woke up the next day and I was still in panic. The following 3 or 4 days I was stuck in this panic. There are no words to describe how horrific it feels to be trapped in what I thought could only last an hour maximum. (Disclaimer: I have a deep fear of "going insane". At this point, when I speak of "insanity", I am describing the experience of being pulled away from the normal reality I am ''used'' to. But, if there wasn't a sense of complete terror, I probably would mind it less. Stuck in terror is now how I define my understanding of "insanity".) It has been several months now (3 or 4) that I am experiencing the most horrific episodes of complete terror. The feeling of a nightmare doubled down under the weight of the realization that this is as real as it gets, there is no waking up from this horror, there is no waking up in relief. This is it. It's similar to in a nightmare, I feel the presence of something evil, I'm afraid to look over my shoulder, I'm afraid I'll see it, I am completely on edge. "Derealization" and "depersonalization" happening heavily. How I feel in a storm of terror, my entire understanding of reality is Doom. Something right behind me, the imminent danger, something horribly, horribly dangerous is here. Right here. And something terrible, catastrophic, EVIL, is going to happen, is happening and will get worse. I am going to snap. My personal hell tailored to my exact dread and fears. It is not like a normal sense of panic, or dread. I have had countless panic attacks previously. This... every single fibre of my being is shrieking in terror. There is not a crack of light. The whole entire game is different. My body is spiking with the threat of death, evil, “insanity”. My mind is trapped. I am trapped. It feels like there is a pressure on the back of my head but from the inside, something urging to get out, to escape. Screaming, desperate, shocked. Nightmares end in relief. There is no end to this, there is no waking up in relief. Death is part of the terror, so I cannot end my life. My brain, my mind, my spirit, in danger, threatened by Imminent Doom. Trapped. Panic. Unreal panic. Inconceivable panic. Fire in my stomach. Then ice. Then fire. Dizzy from panic. It feels like I am being sucked away into Hell. My inner voice fades. Vision unable to coordinate with mind, I am sinking into my skull, into darkness. Reality is not safe. No where to hide. NO WHERE TO HIDE. My body cannot handle such terror so it trembles uncontrollably. Knees knocking together. I could release all bodily fluids from how terrified I am. Gagging, I sometimes puke. I can't look at my mom or dad without being sent further into torture, they seem wildly unfamiliar and really, really distant. They cant help. Nobody can save me. Praying to God, any God. My hands gripping my clothing, pulling. Jaw locked, clenching. Can't close my eyes. Can't keep them open. No options. My mind, my Being, terror ripping through Everything. All of this is not accounting for when I wake up from sleep in Terror. In that, my attachment to my 24 years of life, my identity, my name and hands and vision, my beliefs, my parents, my entire concept of what it is to be Me, my inner self and outer self, is unretrievable. The fear has no way of being calmed, effort cannot even be made, my thoughts are out of order, completely, there is a chaotic sense of disorder. Part of me wonders if I am going 'insane', or if my fate is to end up in a state of constant panic. I have a newfound perspective on my own mortality, on the fragility of my own grip on 'reality'. I don't know how to deal with these 'attacks' and something tells me I will live the rest of my life in the shadow of this clear sense of doom. It feels like I am living in a nightmare, surreal yet painfully real. I have some little windows of hope and a sense of being ''grounded''. Sometimes a few days where I am Okay. This is what I hold onto, or try to hold onto, desperately when I start feeling the terror. But when I'm really IN the state of panic, there really is nothing I can do. I feel so alone in this experience. I am currently living back with my parents (I was living on my own for a couple of years). I am back on 5mg, and don't plan to continue tapering, not for a while. Thank you for reading. I am so TERRIFIED.
  6. Hi Everyone - I'm not a regular member here, though I have stopped in a few times in the past. Just some quick background. I had my first run in with meds in February of 2012. I reluctantly started taking Lunesta to help me with very stressful time of my life. The PDoc didn't know they had doses other than 3mg, and so he mistakenly started me at the highest dose of 3mg. I reacted terribly, but took it for 9 weeks anyway so I could sleep. After some terrible advice from a different doctor on how to come off (which sent me into a tailspin), I finally found the help I needed and went through sort of an emergency taper that took about 8 months total. The Lunesta taper ended on 12/15/2012. That whole time I was taking 15 mgs of Mirtazipine, and I gave myself 11 months rest time before I started coming off the mirtazipine. the Mirtazipine taper took me 15 months, and I completed it on 12/01/14. I am now over 7 months out and I feel mostly healed ,but the one symptom that just keeps lingering is the depersonalization/derealization. For me, it was an adverse effect of the Mirtazipine. It has improved greatly since I've been completely off, but I feel like I've plateaued now, and I'm wondering if anyone had a similar experience with dp/dr and is it normal for it to be lingering 7 months out? Is there good reason to hope that it will fade completely in time? I've had it in some degree or other since I started taking the mirtazipine, and I would love to experience the world the way I used to. Thanks for your support.
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