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  1. My brain going into dream condition but not into sleep condition every night or day when ever I attempt to sleep I have believed the information about remote neural monitoring in all over internet and browsed internet 2 years heavily which resulted heavy thought process ,doubts and suspicion over near and dear. So I went to a psychiatrist and requested to bring me out of heavy thoughts.He made me use lorazepam for 10 days ,risperidone and trihexyphenidyl combination drug for 30 days.After 30 days my thoughts reduced so I did not go to doctor again.What a mistake ,I was ignorant of how psychiatry medicines work and slow tapering nor my doctor warned me while prescribing an anti psychotic.It is happened in july 2016. From then my brain going into dreams when ever I attempt to sleep.In october 2016 again I went to the same doctor and reported about the condition I am in.He prescribed olanzapine silently.I started using olanzapine ignorantly and innocently.When i was experiencing stomach upset that is when I researched in the internet about risperidone and olanzapine. Now this is june 2017 I have tapered risperidone and olanzapine safely and became drug free safely.But the thing is my brain still into dream condition and not allowing me to sleep when ever i attempt.My querry is what risperidone and trihexyphenidyl and lorazapam [10 days]did to my brain?what chemicals they blocked.Now stopping them cold turkey did what on my brain?what chemical i should take to get my sleep pattern back.?If I wait patiently with time will the brain correct its condition naturally?Any brain researcher please help.
  2. I’ve been on Wellbutrin for 20 years. Since November 2018, I've started tapering from my initial dosage (300-mg per day). I'm down to 200-mg per day. If I could sum up what Wellbutrin has done for me, I would say this. The monsters that Wellbutrin imprisoned for 20-years are slowly escaping now that the prison itself is slowly breaking down. And I’m once again left with dealing with issues, old relics which caused my depression in the first place. I suffered much abuse as a child and as a result, I had a lot of anger. As a teen, my controlling parents abandoned me and then in my twenties, when I was too lost, angry and hopeless, and I didn't have life skills developed enough to function in this world, they threw me to the wolves because I wouldn't cooperate with them because I was tired of their s**t. After a shrink experimented on me, I was finally placed on a benzodiazepine. After suffering from weird side effects, fearing permanent damage to my body, without my doctor’s knowledge, I slowly tapered off the stuff. My doctor was useless and had the deer in the headlights look when I showed him the damning research I did on benzodiazepines. After months of perpetual fatigue, I finally went back to my witch doctor and I allowed him to place me on Wellbutrin. I was that desperate. Along with curing the chronic fatigue, Wellbutrin took away all my anger and anxiety, so I could function and work at getting myself out of the terrible situation I found myself in. Fast forward twenty years. My current situation, suffering from withdrawal, has caused me to experience flashbacks in the form of vivid dreams. I believe these flashbacks and the extreme anger I feel are symptoms telling me that I need to work on myself. I married in my 50’s to a man who had two daughters ages 11 and 14. His ex-wife, if I had to guess, suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder and is a Narcissistic Queen Mother. My husband’s ex is intrusive, loud, inpatient, and flamboyant. She is easily frustrated, often bursting into rages than can terrify her children. She can be disingenuous and lies in order to get what she wants. The Queen relates to others with superficiality and an air of detachment. My husband’s ex perceived others, including her girls, as a threat to her own survival unless we all relinquish their needs for hers. Queen mothers compete with their children for a time, attention, love, and money. Superficial interest and a lack of attunement to the child's emotional needs are typical of Queen mothers. I don’t think I need to continue with the description because I think you get the point. Her daughters - I get along very well with the youngest girl. However, the older one is going to be just like or worse than her mother when she matures. If I had to guess, the oldest child is an introverted covert narcissist and she is a very cold-hearted individual who gives me the creeps. I have known the girls for two years. From day one, the oldest girl has been distant, secretive and entitled. Being the people pleaser that I am, I tried to bend over backward to please someone who can never be pleased. Here's the situation that triggered my flashbacks. Case in point, two nights ago, the temperature fell below freezing. The oldest girl was going to a party and had nothing on but a slip dress and stiletto heels. Her father and I attempted to force her to wear a coat or jacket, but she outright refused. If I had to guess, she did not want anything covering up her beautiful body – or so she thought . I finally gave her my fancy sweater to wear. After coming home, the next day, she proceeds to prance around the house with not much on and obsessively complained that she is cold and demands that the house be warmer, and she wants a heater for her bedroom. Me, like the people pleaser that I am, I gave her my heater. That night both I and my husband were very cold. He didn’t appreciate me giving up our heater and he pointed out the fact that she was willing to go almost butt naked to a party on an extremely cold night but then she came home and b*tch** about the house being cold and she wanted it warmer. That’s the reason he didn’t cater to her demands to increase the temperature. At the dinner table the next day. I joked with the girls that I would clean their rooms for $20 per week. These two girls are so entitled and lazy that their grandmother tries to bribe them to motivate the girls to ‘consider’ keeping their rooms clean and organized. They both said no. I then jokingly told them that they should ask their grandmother for $30 a week. They could keep $10 and I’ll clean their rooms for $20. After long silent consideration, the youngest daughter said she would split the money 50/50 with me. However, the oldest said that she would have me clean her room in addition to me washing her bed sheets and making up her bed. She said I should be thankful if she gives me $5 out of the $30 for my efforts. This is a fine example showing the characters of the two girls. The youngest one endears me to her – the oldest repels me. That night, after getting to sleep, I had a series of dreams. The theme running through the dreams was – my inability to take care of myself. Here’s the dream series: I’m at my childhood home. Its morning, I went into the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. I wanted to change my habit of not taking care of myself. My mother, in lightning speed, like a wolf spider exiting its den, opened her bedroom door and rushed into the kitchen to attack me for making noise. I had to abandon making breakfast and go to school. During elementary, junior high and high school, I suffered long periods of time starving. My mother was a hateful woman who used every opportunity she could to destroy me. The dream changed and there was another scene. I was a twenty-something woman. After spending a few hours with a man, my intuition told me this man was a heartless uncaring person. I told my father my thoughts in hopes of figuring out everything I had experienced while on the date. My conclusion was I wanted nothing to do with him. But my father talked me out of trusting my intuition and told me to give him a chance. As a result, I spent years being abused by this man because I tried to make it work with him. He turned out to be a psychopath and hurt me so bad, in one regard, I will never recover from. The dream changed again, and I was a teenager. My self-absorbed, sister and hateful mother were very controlling. I had little money, working as a part-time nanny. I decided I wanted to learn to cook. I always wanted to learn how to make cheesecake, so I purchase the ingredients. No sooner than I had placed them on the kitchen table then my mother and sister came running, like two hyenas into the kitchen to see what they could rip off me. They proceeded to chase me away from my ingredients and push me out of the house. They made the cheesecake and ate it themselves. I didn’t even get a crumb. I woke up angry. I told my husband about the dream and then related it to his oldest daughter. Now, I believe he thinks I have mental issues. No…not his daughter, the one who has somatic narcissist traits and treats everyone, including him very, very poorly. I wasn’t going to wait a week or so to get my sweater or my heater back. The oldest girl never gives anything back unless I beg and beg and beg her. Cold as ice, acting put out, she grudgingly gave me my heater and sweater back. I believe my current situation reminds me of my past. I believe my anger is telling me I’m dealing with the oldest girl incorrectly. I believe I need to stop people pleasing and have nothing to do with the oldest girl. I’m in a difficult situation because the father already told me he loves his children more than me. I believe that an informal given that a parent loves their children the most in this world. But he didn’t have to say it. So, I have not interfered with how the girls treat their father. I didn’t remind them to call him nor did I suggest they get him a gift. Case in point, they did not remember to call him for his birthday, nor did they get him a birthday or Christmas present. The oldest and to a certain extent the youngest treat their father like their mother does – he’s just an ATM money machine. God help him. I believe I need a support group while I’m healing so that I don’t talk to my husband about my recovery and to get some support so I don’t fall into any trap his oldest child might set for me. Does anyone have any suggestions? Has anyone gone through what I have gone through or are going through now? Thanks!
  3. Since having a 'psychosis' when I had a stressfull time breaking up with my girl friend and stopping weed cold turkey as well as an undiagnosed massive overdose off selenium due to eating 'ketogenic diet' and eating huge amounts of brazil nuts over few months. Since stopping the medications over a few months and taking care of my self very very strictly things have improved in regards to the risperidone 4mg for 3 months side effect. --. The psychosis was at point the most beatiful and eye opening experience of my life. Every day since being home from the 3 week hospitilisation I had extreme akathasia and anhedonia and PTSD symptoms were overwhelming. This improved over time and as the weather changed to summer and I exercised more among many other things. What has been consistent during my recovery. Is I used to have dreams as a child alot sometimes nightmares that re occured and were very vivid. Sometimes pleasant dreams I was in full control off. When going to uni and being in the 'rat race' frame of mind in ages 17-26 I had so so few dreams. Since the psychosis I notice I have a dream of a very strange intense neutral dream if I have anhedonia that if I told you about it, it would be a nightmare but due to experiencing nightmare experiences and anhedonia it just seems super real and intense and not that scary any more. Some of the dreams I have last longer and are very intense and pleasant and random. I have been doing qi gong, yoga, reading spiritual things and I 90% times I sleep now I have a moderate to very intense dream of neutral type intense nightmare. When I wake and try my best to try make sense of it, it is always something I experienced the day before either thinking about it in my own mind or direct world. It is like my mind re dreams certain pieces of memory I done the day before. For example news stories I read online The day before the dream some how are very directly in the dream or if I saw a praticular nice sports car driving for 30 mins in front of me. It may relate to that car some how. I wonder if any one else has had this and can relate? Some of the times when I had severe anhedonia and ataxia in the day and felt really like a robot and emotionless and a lack of thoughts coming into my mind and as if I had zero dopamine. I had just the desire to eat at one point. The dreams during this time grew gradually in waves with emotions in the dreams coming back in the dream before real life. Some time in big joy full waves. One time I had a dream walking down a familiar road and places with the most beatiful beatles like music in the world in full concert like it was coming from the windows of each house I walked by and everyone was playing it on there sound systems or instruments or just coming from heaven it self. I then awoke and the emotion for the first time carried into the day with me slightly before become dull again. I had a huge nightmare about my father last night where we were both screaming at each other and he became violent and blaming each other for crap that happened. Then I suddenly awoke really dehydrated and slightly panting and even slightly worried I may off shouted aloud in my sleep it felt very very real. The day before I purchased my father a health related gift and he is very lazy with his health and his partner seems to not push him enough or have knowledge of what things he should be doing to take care of himself. I cant figure out if it was due to taking the driving lesson and being slightly nervous about it? The instructor was really cool and I enjoyed the lesson so this has faded now some what. Some times its like the mind is in a PTSD mode and not trusting ANYTHING in the day that happened on a sub conscious level and re tracing it via recreating a dream of all the things that happened in the day. As my rational mind had no power when the police hand cuffed me and family were pushing me to go into 'hospital' and be force drugged. I was aware during the psychosis its just that I was super anxious having super bad dreams and thoughts that were paranoid. Althought these were quite rational due to losing trust in most people I had close to me.... What do you guys think? I have been reading a book named tibetan yogas for dreaming by a monk. Do others get dreams 90% of days that are similar in nature and moderate to very intense. Many thanks peace present
  4. AnaTheCat

    Colds, cold remedies and the flu

    Hi everyone, I noticed something weird - I have a little cold with small fever. Since I caught it, I have very unpleasant dreams. They vary, one was about depression at it's peak (I've visited Breslau during the worst time with withdrawal syndrome - and now I've seen this city in my sleep, I can't even think of Breslau without tears), other dream - I was at work at reception and a computer program I need to deal with clients crashed completely. People were getting annoyed, I was panicking, no one around to help. The thing is - did you notice any relationship, between, I dunno, worked up immune system and your mental state? I remembered bronchitis I got ten years back (I was taking setrtaline back then) - whenever fever climbed really high, my OCD was so vivid, so intense, I really wished to die (thankfully, I haven't had any strenght left to even get up due to fever).
  5. Hello everyone, I've been on 20mg of Lexapro for aprox 24 months now with no breaks. It's been great for me but since I'm leaving USA after living here for more than 15 years, and returning to my homeland of New Zealand, I decided to just quit taking my Meds and see how I handle life "drug free" so to say. I've seen my doctor a couple of times and she thought it was a great idea also. Two weeks ago I stopped taking them. I'd done all of my reaserch so knew what to expect. The first week of not taking them I felt no change at all. The beginning of the second week the insomnia, disturbing dreams, return of sex drive and night sweats started. There was no gradual build-up easing me into the withdrawals, it was like - BAM, this is happening! My initial withdrawals were wicked insomnia - cured by taking one or two doctor prescribed10mg Zolpidem sleeping pills. I was first precribed the sleeping pill TraZODone 100mg but these made things so much worse. My night sweats seemed worse when I didn't knock myself out with the doctor precribed sleeping pills but the horrible frightening dreams continued. The first two nights of the symptoms were the worst. I would wake up soaking wet and cold, and my dreams were so frightening I really didn't want to go back to sleep. But like I said, that level of withdrawal just lasted 2 nights then it subsided a little. Also feeling sexually aroused. I could handle all of that ok, but then yesterday the extreme "pinging" introduced itself to me!! I'm glad I researched the withdrawal symptoms beforehand as I would have no way of trying to explain this "feeling" to a doctor if needed. It's the weirdest feeling I've every had and Id like it go away please, lol! I have to laugh as staying positive is what I do best. Most things i've read relates the pinging sensation to feeling like a tiny electric shock or "zaps" in the brain. I don't feel anything in my brain or head but I do feel that sensation in EVERY other cell throughout my body. Earlier on today when I made the terrible mistake of going to the pub for a beer, after just a few sips I honstly thought my body was going to "ping and "zap" out of control. I had a pretty serious anxiety attack and my disability dog and I peaced out of there and got home ASAP! Lesson learnt - no drinking alcohol until the withdrawals subside and best to just stay in my home!! Also my body odor is horrible no matter how much I shower and then cover myself with a nice smelling lotion ... within an hour I smell terrible again. I don't feel like eating or ( as discovered today) drinking alcohol - YEA, time to loose weight and detox! Oh, and I'm avoiding contact with anyone due to uncontrollable mood swings ( which was my reason for taking the Lexapro to start off with). I'm trying to stay busy doing yard work to keep my mind busy and focused and that has helped. Thankfully my energy is great. I'm super glad to have found this page, even if it's to vent a little. Thanks for being here ????
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