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  1. Hello there, My name is Angelo, and I was diagnosed with a lot of labels. I've had psychotic breaks, and I was put on a lot of differents medications. I've had 2 shots of Invega the Last year, but my mom Saved me from having more shots. I believed that taking antipsicotics would made me "normal again", but that's not true. I've tried a lot of antipsicotics during my life, and they never made me feel good, i felt good only after some months of quitting them. But now i'm scared because this time i was under antipsicotics for more than one year,(even more that 2 antipsicotic, Haldol Latuda and Talofen, later I found a psyschiatrist who choosed to let me quit all the medications) I've had an extreme akathisia, but now it's a lot better, I felt so agitated that I try to Kill my self more than one time. On the phisical Side i feel really bad, my muscles are really messed, i feel tired, weak... I can't experience Joy, calm, relax, happiness is just an utopia for me, now. My memory is really bad, i'm scared that it's damaged forever, the only thing I want to do is sleeping to avoid this sufference, and this is why I took a benzo before writing this, i will post it and I will go to bed. The world seems really strange to me, i don't feel myself like a person But just like... just like "a thing". I don't see my Friends from a lot of time, and I don't want to see them, i'm not able to socialize anymore, i barely talk, sometimes i walk in a strange way, and I'm afraid that this time, it will Last forever. I would like to feel myself again, I would like to be again the smart Guy i used to be, i would like to heal from everything wich make me bad. But it just sound like impossible. I don't go to school, i don't make anything all the day, and even if I would want to do something, i would feel too bad to do it, i've tried. I live in Italy, wich is a beautiful nation, but I can't feel it. Even if I go to the Sea, i don't feel anything, anything. I started to cry again, but I don't know if it's a sign of a progress, or just my disperation. I've had a lot of dreams for myself, but now it looks like they disappeared. What can I do? Is there somebody who had a similiar experience and recovered or just felt better? I just have to wait? Greetings, Mister G.
  2. ShakeyJerr

    Why did you stop the meds?

    I'm putting this question out there, partly as a reminder to myself, hopefully as a help to others who are struggling... I am in such physical and emotional pain these past few weeks. It is getting unbearable. My wife and I are trying to stick to the commitment not to go back on the meds. But boy, do I think I want to at times. Especially right now. So I'm here to remind myself why I stopped the psych-drug merry-go-round. I hope it helps you too. And I would love to hear your "why" story. It will be encouraging to all of us, I think. Anyway, I went off of the meds because I didn't like who I was as a person, and more and more I got the feeling that the meds were a big part of the reason. I was an angry person all of the time. And selfish. I would give in to rage - even in the most inappropriate situations to do so (like my daughter's 7th birthday party, for instance). I treated my wife horribly. I would go off the rails, feel like killing myself, and take handfuls of the meds at once (wow - I never admitted that ever before). I would fantasize about hanging myself (even though I would never have the guts to do so). And as these things were happening - especially over my last year before going off the meds - there were more and more times where there was a part of me inside of my mind saying "stop it, stop that crazy person" - as if the real me was trapped inside of this raging body that had been taken over by another mind. I had to find out who God created me to be. I even needed to find out what a real relationship with God was like. Turns out that He created me as a pretty nice guy. I'm loving and caring and helpful now (well, as helpful as I can be given the immense physical pain the withdrawal has caused me, and the anxiety that keeps me from running errands some of the time). I was even more engaged in activities during the window as I tapered (completely incorrectly and too fast) and for the first 3 months after I was drug free. And that is part of the problem. I can remember a time during the taper, towards the end, when I was in a "sweet" spot - where there was no withdrawal syndrome, and 90% of the time I was a great guy. I keep fantasizing about going back to that "sweet" spot. But I don't think going back on the drugs after being off for over 4 months would really work - and it could cause actual harm (I fear, for instance, the suicide bug that bites some people during the early days of psycho-med use). Or, it could just cause me to go back down the rabbit-hole of using the psych-meds - and that will bring back evil me. So I'm writing this to remind myself why I quite the psych-go-round. I hope it helps remind some of you too. SJ
  3. What we've seen is that going on and off psychiatric drugs and having adverse reactions such as withdrawal symptoms can make your nervous system hypersensitive to drugs and sometimes supplements and even foods. Please post about your experiences with supplements here.
  4. Psychiatrist Dr. Colin Ross, M.D. discusses the truth about side effects with common psychiatric drugs including antipsychotic medications, antidepressants and others.
  5. Hello everyone. I'm happy that I found your website. I thought my life is ruined, but I read success recovery stories and I have a hope now. I was crying for about 20 minutes while I was reading. I don't know If I should tell you the whole story, cause it's a very very sad story. But for me the most important thing is to get answers to my questions. the brief story: I used some drugs for about one year: esctasy, some cocaine, LSD (twice only) and weed. After I stopped taking drugs health problems started: heavy hallucinations, voices, heavy paranoia, uncontrolled rage attacks and more. I got arrested for running naked in a street with a baseball bat and they put me into psiciatric hospital for 2 weeks and put on zyprexa. I hated zyprexa and I stopped taking it after 2 weeks. I was going to doctors and psycologists for some time and they gave me a little help. After 2 years I got fully recovered. But my best friend commited a suicide and I was very depressed, friends told me to smoke some weed , they said I will forget it for some time and will feel better. They gave me strong holland weed (white I think) I smoked it, just a little bit, and instantly went crazy. crazy For real, seriosly crazy. ( damn Im crying again ) I wont tell you all the horror I passed, dont think its so important. I was sick for two weeks, couldnt sleep and eat, when I couldnt handle all that hallucinations no more I did a horrible thing. the worst thing the person can do (omg Im crying again, cant see what Im typing) I got arrested and they put me in jail. At the begginnig I refused to take medicines, cause I thought they want to kill me. After 17 days without sleeping and heavy hallucinations I gave up and started to take medicines. They started with zyprexa, it wasnt helping at all, so they passed on Risperdal 3 times a day 3ml (9ml a day total) and zoloft 1 pill a day dont remember dosage. After 1 year after all investigations judge and medics transfered me into psychiatric hospital, the bad one. they added me Depakin also, but I was spitting it, cause the pill was too big and I just didnt like it, and doctor cancelled it. Oh I forgot I was also taking Tavor all this time to sleep. Doctor cancelled it also. Problems with memory started, and I got fat +20 kilograms, I wasnt producing sperm, I was very lazy, sometimes had no energy to take a shower. After one year in that bad hospital they transfered me to a good one, to elite hospital. And things changed. I started diet, start exercize ( Im an athlete by the way) started playing table tennis, basketball, reading a lot watching music clips on tv, dancing. After some time they took away Risperdal and put me on Abilify 15 mg in the morning and 15 in the evening. The same day they cancelled Risperdal my sperm production became ok, and erection also. I was very good, got build insane body in the gym in about 1,5 year, was very active. but noticed that I have some problems in thinking, They where making me IQ tests, IQ was pretty high 136 when I came into tht good hospital, and about 148-150 before I left it (it was different result on different tests) on 1 test there was 60 questions I gave all right answers, no mistakes. Im smart but I became like a computer. No emotions. I was laughing a lot, and understanding jokes, and having fun, but had problems with pleasures and visual thinking. As soon as I got out I stopped taking medicines (doctors where saying I have to take it all my life to avoid getting crazy one day) Its already 4 month Im without medicines. first month was bad, I vas very sad, had no emotions at all. I was the robot, zombie, without personality, just a computer who just think. I found a girlfriend and she helps me a lot, now 4 month later I feel lil bit better, but still have problems and questions. Please answer me guys. Thanks a lot. 1. how long ussualy takes full recovery after 4,5 years of antipsychotics? when I will start to feel pleasure, emotions? 2. doctors said that Its not recommended to have a baby for minimum 2years after I stop taking medicines, is that true? Will my child be healthy? 3. I was meditating when I was free, and I't was helping me lot, I was feeling myself very good. The same day I started with medicins I could do it no more. I thought I will be able to do it when Im done with medicines, but I totaly cant. I feel nothing, can't meditate no more. I thing the problem is ruined dophamin receptors or some brain damage. If you have same problem please tell me. 4. Alcohol makes no effect on me no more, even If I drink a lot. I feed my head and face heavy, but thats it. No happiness, euphoria, nothing. I dont drink , just tried on a New Year and birthday. But this seems very strange to me. 5 When I drink coffe or take caffein for training it makes me feel like on cocaine for about 12 hours, very strong, Im shaking, sweating and get extremly exited. 6. When I play videogame (Dota 2) I get very exited too, and have unvoulantary face and tounge movements. It looks very very bad from a side. I heard this side effect will not pass, that its forever, is that true? Also after I play some games, and get very exited I recover after it about half a day. I feel like on ocaine too. My brain is like frozen, no emotions at all. Thats it. I do a lot of sport, read a lot. eat very good, take vitamins, aminoacids. So will I fully recover someday? Will I get my emotions back? By the way I cried couple times, last time is now, and was feeling much better after it. I feel my brain working and I feel some emotions. But it happened only 2 times for now. Im also in contact with a lot of friends from hospital, so you will help them too anwering my question. Thank's a lot guys. And good luck to recover if you have same situation.
  6. What are your reactions like to what, how long do they last, etc? Also, how far are you into your recovery? Please provide details, if you can. I'm almost 5 1/2 years into my recovery. I still suffer a great deal daily, but even more, when I have my menstrual cycle, which is irregular now. Any supplement or drug I take, including ones I've taken before withdrawal without problems, makes me feel much, much worse. This is especially true for vitamin D, which I really need to take, because my level is very low, and antibiotics, among a few other things I've tried to tolerate taking, all at low doses too. Kefir is the only food that really stands out as me reacting poorly to, but then again sometimes it helps me. There may be others though, which are mild or I'm just not making the connection with them. I haven't tried taking very many supplements and drugs nor have I followed a special diet. All I know is my bad reactions, to what little I have tried taking, really bothers me a lot, as I thought, by now, they would be gone or at least better. This prevents me from not taking anything I don't just have to take, which might could help me. I wonder, will this ever go away for me? If it did for you, how long did it take?
  7. Abilifyneedhelp88

    Important Empowering Technique...

    Hello All, I recently was curious as to how the pharmaceutical company (Otsuka) for Abilify had any info on discontinuation studies for the drug and if they had guidelines for discontinuation. At first I got the generic answer, everybody's different, everybody reacts differently on the drug and was redirected back to my doctor who I know gets his info from the company, from his experience with patients and of course his drug rep. The person I spoke to was a Pharm D. She would only give her first name and last initial. She was hesitant to give me any further info but when I said I was an RN, she said she could give me more info than just would a patient receive. So this is where it got interesting. She said there were no specific guidelines as to discontinuation. She said results done in studies were all over the board. She gave me specifics of the double blind studies and the percentages of relapse which are very low in the discontinuation. She then asked me if I would talk to their quality control department and go on record as to what my side effects are in which she came back and said that they were not available so I could talk to her. I had an hour conversation with her regurgitating all of my side effects, how I felt about the drug and how I thought that they should have more studies about discontinuation. I told her what I was currently doing in tapering in which I feel comfortable and thought that the Doctor was giving advice that was bringing patients down too fast and possibly encouraging relapse. I told her that I would like to come off the drug faster but that in reality going slower with all things considered and prior past history was the safest way to go for me. I also told her that it is difficult to live with the SE's and because of that and wanting to get pregnant is the reason for withdrawal. I found that expressing myself to this drug company liberating because in speaking with them it sounded like many people do not call in and share with them their experiences. So please, please call your manufacturer and tell them what is going on. They may not be able to give you a clear answer but their is some hope in being able to express yourself and go on record. It may be just what you need right now. They also want to know if your SE's or withdrawal symptoms get worse, better or stay the same. It is vital to express this to the manufacturer so they can take your story into consideration when developing new drugs. It is only from the patient do they hear and those that are proactive in their suffering. And it goes a long way when the other person on the other line says they are grateful for you calling in.... Just my two cents...Heather RN
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