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  1. Anybody had any experience with this controversial therapy, good or bad?
  2. Hi Everyone - I'm new to this site and very grateful that I discovered this community! I appreciate all the work that the moderators and volunteers do - thank you so much! In the Fall of 2019, I began to descend into the worst depression of my life. I've lived with depression since I was 12 or 13 years old so I'm familiar with the ups and downs. especially the downs. I never took medication until I was in my forties when I began taking Lexapro 10 mg. It helped a little, but the depression persisted. In January 2020, my depression and ensuing suicidal ideation became so acute that I admitted myself to the hospital and was in and out of it for about a month. I was literally at one of the best hospitals in the country with some of the top doctors, but nothing helped. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I. I don't remember what medications I was prescribed while hospitalized because I barely have any memory of that time. I also underwent ECT, which caused severe short-term memory loss (a common and well-known side effect). The ECT did not improve my depression. My understanding is that it only works in about 50% of patients. When I finally left the hospital I was still extremely depressed and could barely function, and then...Covid hit, my business was decimated, and the social isolation crushed me. Needless to say, my depression did not improve. I tried many different medications and finally ended up taking Abilify 2 mg, Lexapro 20 mg, Wellbutrin 400 mg and Modafinil 200 mg. It was only when I began taking the Modafinil in the summer of 2021 that my mood and energy lifted. I was also diagnosed with severe sleep apnea in summer 2021 and began using a CPAP. Now, two years after this all started my side effects are: 50 lb. weight gain, no libido, sexual dysfunction, muscle twitches, GI issues (an extreme amount of gas), memory loss, internal restlessness, and muted emotions. All this has become intolerable to me so I've decided to begin to taper off the drugs. I have an appointment with my doctor today to discuss going off the meds. I'm nervous about her reaction. She's been very supportive and I really like her, but I know she won't be happy about my decision. I still plan on tapering off. I'm going to start by decreasing the Abilify after all of the horror stories I've been reading on lots of forums about this medication. I have good support in place and will be seeing my therapist, receiving acupuncture, working with an herbalist, using aromatherapy and flower essences. I also exercise and meditate. I plan on doing the slow 10% taper but I'm worried about possible withdrawal symptoms. If I can't successfully eliminate the use of my antidepressants and antipsychotic, I will probably try ketamine. Ketamine isn't covered by my insurance so I will have to pay out of pocket, which I'm willing to do to finally get off of these drugs!! Wish me luck and thanks for reading
  3. Hello all, I'm new. And I'm scared. You have all been a tremendous source of strength. I'm trying to figure out how to fix my signature so sorry if I'm putting it all out here. I have been on 150mg amitriptyline for 6 years and tapered off of it in 8 months. During that time, I didn't realize I was going through withdrawal symptoms. Now, I realize I had, and three days after I went off, the severe depression/anxiety set in. I was reinstated at 25 mg by psychiatrist's orders for a week, and then another 25 mg this week. I realize I had broken a cardinal rule of antidepressant withdrawal, which is not to reinstate at a high dose. But I was told to do this, which of course makes it par for the course. On 25 mg, I began to feel better for 3 days, and then the depression/anxiety began to creep in again towards the end of the week. Then, I reinstated at 50 the next week per psychiatrist orders, and I'm now stable but with worsening insomnia and floating lights in darkness, a sign of withdrawal. I have made a big mistake, of course. I'm so fearful about the week ahead. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm so scared about my future, especially because of what I've just done. If you were me, what would you do? Thank you all so much. You are my only source of information right now as I find a new psychiatrist.
  4. Hello, I need some recommendation for my tapering. Here is my background At 15, i had a massive burn-out and was prescribed antidepressants. I am today 23 and have been on antidepressants almost without interruption. I don't remember all the different antidepressants I was on. I know it did help when i was in emergency situation (extreme anxiety and depression) but it was not satisfactory either, that's why i always had the intention to stop. I quit Effexor once and Brintellix once without a very long taper and didn't feel any major WD symptoms, except that my depression and anxiety (that was already here before) came back, but not worse than it was before. In January 2020, i was prescribed with Lexapro 15mg. After 3 months of use, I decided to taper (in April 2020). Everything was going pretty fine with no any WD symptoms (except a few headaches the first week after a decrease). But in June, when i decreased my dose from 5mg to 2,5 mg, I instantly felt more horrible than I had ever did (so it wasn't a return of my original depression). I wasn't able to do any movements without being out of breath and i felt more anxious and depressed than i had ever been, I could only describe it as "hell"with terrible emotions that i had never felt before, not even close. I waited something like 5 days and I decides to come back to 5mg because it unbearable. Coming back to 5mg wasn't enough to reverse these symptoms so i had to come back on 10mg. I want to taper again. I decreased my dose from 10mg to 7,5mg in September without any major symptoms. I've been stable ever since (we are now in December so i want to decrease my dose again to 6mg. The thing is I dont understand why in my last experience, i had no symptoms whatsoever until I decrease from 5mg to 2,5mg and I dont know how to avoid that from happening again. Is there like some sort of a "threshold dose" where everything goes bad if you go below it ? I'm feeling fine right now but i know how fast everything can go real bad. Thanks in advance for your answer and also thanks for this existence of this website
  5. Hello! I am a 32 y/0 female from San Diego. I'm currently working part time in accounts receivable and getting my Masters in Education and teaching credential. My descent into the psychiatric system began when I was 15 y/o, after my parents found out I had been self-injuring. I was immediately diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder and placed on a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, an antipsychotic and Naltrexone ( to help curtail my impulse to self injure). A few months later I began to hallucinate, which prompted my doctors to increase my meds dramatically. I was in and out of hospitals until I received ECT at the age of 22. ECT did nothing to improve my mood, however it did affect my ability to concentrate, form complete sentences and stay present. Since I could not remember large chunks of time I was awarded the diagnosis of "Dissociative Identity Disorder", even though I was just spaced out from the treatment. To make a long and sad story short, I decided to end my life when I turned 30. I had suffered 2 major seizures, gained 96lbs, and was a shell of a human being. However, my plans were postponed after I witnessed a beautiful interaction between a mother and daughter. I decided I would give life one last shot, and began pursuing IVF (with the hopes of finding happiness in being a mom). The first step was to get off all of the meds. Over a period of 6 months I deprescribed off of extremely high dosages of Seroquel, lithium, Effexor, desipramine, propranolol, and clonazepam. As I came off each med, I lost a "symptom" that had constituted the litany of diagnoses I had collected since i was 15. The prcoess, while terrifying and painful, was empowering. My emotions returned, I lost all of the weight, and I finally felt alive. I still experience a great deal of physical pain, that I have come to understand is related to the withdrawal syndrome - but I am here. Alive. I am really looking for people to connect with who have been through this process. Even though I am full of gratitude for the sense of self I have gained, I find the whole ordeal to be incredibly lonely. How do you put back the pieces of a past that was torn apart? How do you talk about what happened without sounding "crazy"? How do you cope with all of these new feelings? I'm not afraid to walk down this new path, but I would really like to find others so I don't have to walk it all by myself. Thanks for reading this! I can't wait to have some time to check out the other posts. i hope everyone is doing well tonight. Stay safe.
  6. Hello everyone My name is Eva, 20 years ago I gave my power to someone in lab coat and believed them that I have serotonin deficiency and need to take antidepressants. I was on one at the time on regular doses but don’t remember now. Over the years they would poop out and that’s when I would be changed to a different one always did really well with transition had no side effects either so I kept on taking them. Always was told by doctors that antidepressants are not addictive, never was advice to get off them even for years I did not have any symptoms of depression which was the reason I was put on them. I came to USA from Poland at age 23 in poursuit of American Dream ,was very home sick did not have friends, was working nights at dive bar, and studying in the morning, for two years I slept only 4 h at night and ate very poor diets that’s why I got depressed. In past 10 years I tried to get off twice with doctors help was tapered down too fast as doctors do, and as soon as I was on 0mg I would “relapse” now I know it was withdrawal. Second time it was the same story. For past 4 years I was in the best shape of my life i did yoga and other fitness at least 5 times a week I was very happy mother to my daughter and wife my husband is awesome and I love him dearly. I was in great shape mentally and physically. I kept asking myself this question why am I taking antidepressants I’m not depressed, I want to know who am I without this drug because I started to believe that I never should take them in first place. In February 2018 my cousin gave me medical marijuana ( i only smoke couple times in my life, never was attracted to it) i started to smoke and all the sudden i had that idea that I didn’t need to take antidepressants anymore so I stopped cold turkey in February 2018 from 60mg Cymbalta to nothing. Almost instantly i went into mania state, was euphoric and nothing was bothering me, i slept only couple of hours at night, i could not eat food that i ate my whole life, my tast became very sensitive, I lost appetite and had diarrhea for over month. Nothing was alarming me because I was in mania. That went on for 6 month it was starting to loose its high towards the end. And in the end of August I started to notice that I was crushing my memory was becoming very impaired, my cognitions too and I had anxiety that was scaring me because I had never had anxiety in my life. I was sure I’m relapsing and was very scared because my symptoms were much was then ever before. I started to take 60mg Cymbalta because I still had it in my house, that was August 2018, I called my doctor and she said I was relapsing , gave me Benzodiazapine for my anxiety 0.5 mg. My condition became worse I was not improving but getting worse. I could not sleep I couldn’t not eat, I could not think my cognitions was gone, I started to have sucidle ideation ( never in my life I had them before) I became dead a zombie. I had insomnia and sleeping pills were not helping ( never before in my life I had issues with sleeping) Between September 2018 and February 2019 I was switched to new antidepressant every two months. After Cymbalta it was , Effexor, then Remeron. I was in hell and totally in the hands of people who where making my condition worse but at that moment I didn’t know it I was sure I’m going crazy. In the January 2019 I did ketamine therapy but that made me worse. I was in hospital 5 times between September 2018 and February 2019. After ketamine I went to hospital again and agreed to have ECT at that time I did not care anymore I was devastated from smallest atom in my body I was broken chemically broken. After 4 session of ECT I felt better first time in 7 months I went home and was able to function some what. I got back my cognition to the point where I started to look back at what has happened to me and looking for answers, deep down inside of me I knew that it was not my body making me sick I knew that something was happening to me that was outside of my body control. That’s when I found this site SA which explained everything I was searching for, I was crying I was so relieved but also became so angry at doctors at whole system. I understood that after I started to take Cymbalta in August 2018 my body rejected it and it made me lot worse. After ECT my doctor put me on Zoloft first 25 mg and then up to 100 mg. It was March 2019 end i was saying to my husband I’m so scared i don’t know why because i know I’m safe but I’m scared. After I found S.A. I understood that the only way to heal for me is to be drug fee I understood that what has happened to me was severe withdrawal symptoms from Cymbalta. I realize that I will never trust doctor again I know that I have to heal my body and no doctor will help me to do this. I wean myself of Zoloft and have been drug free for 1 month, I also stopped taking Benzodiazapine I was only on 0,5 mg as needed but was very reluctant on taking them because deep inside I knew that this is not right. And it was not it was very wrong everything that has happened and the way we are being lied to about devastating withdrawal and addictives nature of antidepressants . So now I’m one month drug free. I have anxiety about doing basic things like grocery shopping and cooking it’s extremely difficult, my short term memory is very bad, my cognitions is better then between August 2018 and February 2019 but still not as normal, my appetite is still gone I have to force myself to eat I’m 16 Ib underweight, my sleep is broken but much better then it was before. I have tormenting thoughts like I cannot stop my brain from thinking, it’s usually related to what has happened in past year, I have depression very hopeless like a child very helpless like a child, I’m ashamed of myself for being in this condition even though i know it’s not my fault, I cannot enjoy enjoy anything that I loved in the past, I feel very disconnected from outside world and every human being. My daughter is my main reason I decided to get through it, but I feel so guilty for not being able to take care of her the way I would before withdrawal. My husband is been my biggest support and I’m worried that he will get tired of me being like this it’s must be so hard on him. I am totally different person now , I was highly functional and happy very social with everything organized. Now I’m like a child helpless hopeless afraid of my own shadow. Emotional suffering is beyond anything I have ever experienced, I cry every day for no reason other that the pain inside of me. Physically I only have problem eating and extreme blotting after I do eat. I know I’m very lucky compared to people who went through physical hell too. I’m not myself and I’m so scared that I will never be who I was before. I’m scared I not going to feel happiness and joy. I don’t even remember how it is to be happy. Please help me to get through it I feel so lost most of my friends think I’m crazy because I decided to take charge of my life and not to trust doctors but they don’t understand that trusting doctors are the main reason I’m suffering now. I feel so lonely Please help me to get through this hell Thank you Ps. This website gave me hope and probably saved my life, I do want to thank the man who created it , thank you from all my heart even though I cannot feel my heart Its still there because I’m alive.
  7. Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with major depression and an anxiety disorder in my early twenties, although I had my first mental breakdown/became seriously ill at seventeen. I managed to make it through university but had a second breakdown just as it was ending and have never fully recovered. I was first prescribed antidepressants (Effexor to start) at the time of my diagnosis and had a terrible reaction in the form of a mixed manic state, where I was both depressed and manic. However, I knew side-effects could happen and continued on through it as I was desperate for something to work. It did pass, but the nightsweats that kept me up all night eventually became too much and I had to go off of it. Over nearly the past decade I have dutifully tried antidepressants from every class, many different combos, as well as antipsychotics although I have never been psychotic, mood stabilizers, and benzos. Several years ago, I told my psychiatrist a long-standing fear of mine; that I thought I was treatment-resistant. I have one antidepressant that I feel may have worked moderately, and one that worked actually quite well for about a week - more about that later - but many of the others made me significantly worse and all had unbearable side-effects. My psychiatrist disagreed with me and tried me on more meds, but after my worst reaction ever last winter (Duloxetine) he finally agreed that I was, in fact, treatment-resistant. Duloxetine was the one med I thought really worked for me, but after only a short period of time on it I had a severe physical reaction with GI symptoms/vomiting that went on for over a month. All other causes for this but the med were ruled out through tests, and I became very ill/lost a lot of weight, and had to withdraw from it abruptly. The abrupt withdrawal was the worst I'd ever experienced, and caused a severe upswing in suicidal thoughts, and some sort of rage syndrome, which was completely uncharacteristic for me and the most terrifying thing I've ever gone through mentally. Anyway, after that, I wanted to try going off of antidepressants altogether and I had the support of my psychiatrist, who I had freaked out with my Duloxetine reaction and who at this point had put me on a useless antidepressant from the 50's, I guess as a last-ditch effort in his panic over my condition. He wanted to withdraw me from it too quickly, but I took a longer withdrawal period, and was able to do it! I'm currently off of antidepressants for the first time in many years. So I am no longer having the horrible mental or physical side-effects to the many meds I took, but am still suffering from the suicidal ideation that never left and am now at a loss as to what to try next. Not knowing what else to do, I asked my psychiatrist for a referral to ECT and was sent to an psychiatrist specializing in ECT, who approved me for it, but suggested I try a mood stabilizer first, as he said he'd seen many people who had treatment-resistant depression who actually had an atypical form of bipolar where they just hadn't presented with their first manic episode yet. This seemed sketchy to me, but again, I was really desperate. I was put on Lamotrigine, and have been having excessive crying spells, but it's impossible to tell whether that's from going off of antidepressants or the Lamotrigine itself. In any case, it's either causing crying spells or doing nothing, so I am currently tapering from it, and don't seem to be having the problems tapering I've had with antidepressants, at least. I have to be tapered from it fully to try ECT, as Lamotrigine is an anticonvulsant that would cause the ECT to be unsuccessful. I am also still taking Ativan, sometimes for anxiety but more often than not for when the suicidal thoughts get too much. I've gone off of Ativan before during times when I've been in a bit better place, so I'm capable of it, but I have to get the suicidal thoughts under control first. If anyone has any first-hand thoughts on or experiences with ECT I would appreciate it so much. I've been overprescribed by psychiatrists and traumatized by therapists over the years, I've only met the psychiatrist specializing in ECT once, and I just don't have much trust there or with anyone I've encountered in the mental health profession, unfortunately. I have done research and know the possible scary side-effects of ECT, but also that it has a much better success rate than antidepressants, something that I am pretty annoyed I had to discover on my own. But, yeah, I am still very unsure of it. I hope this is halfway articulate. Thank-you so much for listening.
  8. Hello - I am about 7 days off of Cymbalta. I was only taking and only able to tolerate 20 mg and I slowly cut myself down to 10mg and then nothing. I get a few head swishes here and there, but nothing really bad expect I am severely up and down mood wise and fear I am going to end up in a psych ward. I was starting to feel like things were going to be ok and then I crashed hard. I've been on various psych meds for the last 30 years of my life and I just turned 47 and I've had enough of it all. I consulted a neuropsych who is an ECT doctor. My regular psych sent a referall to him from another state as I came to stay wtih my mother for a while to get some other health issues sorted out. His suggestion, since when I went there, I was in a better mood and thought my spring to mid-summer severe depressive episode was lifting or was going to lift, was to come off of cymbalta and see if I don't feel better. He said they are finding out these meds do a lot more than they thought and that they might not even be able to call them "seratonin reuptake inhibitors" anymore. He said some people do a lot worse on them over time. Well, I am doing worse yet and yet I don't want to go back on the stuff at all. I am really struggling. I have also been off of Adderall since the begining of July and felt better off due to not taking that, but now this added Cymbalta thing is throwing me for a loop. I am trying to figure out whether I should call the neuropsych back up and request ECT for sure and cancel a vacation with my family in September, or not. I am a 5 x a week yoga practicitioner, I meditate, I eat right, I do all kinds of things - been getting out socially, ect. and STILL I am plagued with severe bone crushing depression episodes that are causing me severe headaches of the type I cannot stand another minute of it. The depression headaches are so bad they don't even respond to migraine medication. They are different. Something is really wrong with my brain and I am scared I am going to not be able to handle it one day and commit suicide. I've had an MRI for the other regular migraines I get and they say it is all clear. Sometimes I feel like I spend all day trying to figure out what will make feel better - yoga, meditation, work, get out with someone, get out in nature - and still by the end of the day I end up in tears feeling suicidal. Is this par for the course? I am hoping someone can relate and let me know it gets better. I am so confused. I don't really think intuitively that my depression is going to get that much better and I should just call that neuropsych back and try to get ECT started. Things have been taking so damn long lately to get the help I need with doctors and that is frustrating too. Thank you.
  9. I require urgent help please. Over the past 18 months I have had several medication changes due to going off 150mg Effexor cold turkey in July 2017. I didn't know how to do it any other way at the time and I told no-one what I was doing, not even my doctor. it just wasn't working any more. I had been off Effexor for about 3 months and thought I had got through the worst of it although still had some withdrawal affects going on but I was functioning okay and sleeping. I thought I'd call my doctor and let him know what I did and that is where I went wrong. He told me to reinstate Effexor immediately at 75mg from memory, which I did because I felt like I had done something terribly wrong. Upon reinstatement my whole body went into shock and I couldn't move. It was shocking. My doctor told me to go into hospital and that he'd help fix it. By the time I left hospital I think I was on the minimum effective dose of Zoloft. After leaving hospital I found that the Zoloft was overstimulating and I didn't sleep for a week. I had to take 25mg of seroquel for sleep. Zoloft wasn't the right antidepressant for me. Without tapering off Zoloft, my doctor would try me on several different antidepressants over the next 6 weeks, including prozac, mirtazapine, brintalex, valdoxen, lexapro. I had adverse side affects to all of these medications and can't remember what dose he started me on. I believe now that my brain/body couldn't tolerate medication anymore. I needed to go back to hospital and I needed to find another doctor. I found another doctor and I think in February 2018 from memory, and I apologise that my memory is very vague due to my recent round of ECT. I think I started taking 20mg of Prozac, which did have it's challenges. I underwent a round of ECT, in April 2018 and left hosptial feeling better on 20mg of Prozac and Olanzapine - I can't remember this dose - maybe 5mg because 10mg was too much and I couldn't function on that amount. I agreed to take the Olanzapine only for 3 months to get myself back to work an back to life. When my doctor took me off the olanzapine I think she did it too quickly and the withdrawal was intense. It was so intense that I tried to commit suicide. Next step, back to hospital when my doctor suggested that I should go back onto Effexor as it had worked for me in the past. I was desperate, I didn't feel comfortable about it, but she's the doctor and knows best right? The current situation is that I came off Effexor 150mg (the original dose was 225mg), under the guidance of my psychiatrist in November 2018. She tapered me off the medication over 2 weeks. The reason I needed to come off Effexor was due to the fact that I just wasn't able to function whilst taking it, I actually felt worse. The hell that followed was horrendous and I did try and reinstate a low dose of Effexor although it just made matters worse. She had be do a course of TMS treatment and then my doctor suggested ECT . I agreed because I thought it was supposed to help with the withdrawal, although in hindsight I think she was trying to treat depression, when I told her I wasn't depressed and that I was experiencing was withdrawal. The ECT was a really bad idea. After the 9th ECT treatment I felt as though I was losing my mind, I felt like my brain was on fire. This sensation lasted quite a number of days and the only thing that helped was 5mg of valium as a PRN, which I took for about 6 days. I am now in such a state. I don't know where to turn. I can't sleep and I can't turn to my doctor for help because she has totally screwed me over. Please help me, I am so desperate. I am currently taking the following vitamins and supplements. Fish Oil 2000mg 4 x day N-acetylcysteine 1000mg 2 x per day Vitamin D 1 x day Vitamin C 1 x day Nux Vomica IM (when nauseous) Magnesium amino acid chalate - 1 scoop 2 x per day Naturopath remedies - Wellbeing mix 3 x day, soothing drops 3 x day, sleep support 2 x per day, Sleep and Rejuva Sleep Forte 4 x day, compounded melatonin 5mg for sleep.
  10. Please help me. I have experienced much akathisia and distonias, I am still taking benzos and SSRI's but extremely depressed/ suicidal. No appetite. Confusion. Headaches. Lost hope. Don't know who to trust. Brain feels very sick.
  11. Dear sir/madam, I'm 50. Since childhood I suffered from symptoms of ocd, axiety, intrusive thoughts. In 1987, age 20, I was diagnosed and given clomipramine after experiencing acute panic attack, since then I switched to many other trycyclics along with bezodiezepines. In 1988 I was treated with ECT as well. In 1991 I was given fluoxetine along with clomipramine and dexfenfluramine(isomeride)plus cognitive behavioural therapy(exposer therapy), for a couple of months I was also given phenelzine(Maoi) in 1996, symptoms and disturbance hardly improved, bouts of panic attack returned after every couple of years. In 1997 I was prescribed with sertraline, I must say however that since then panic attacks have hardly returned and felt life better, compulsive behaviour and anxiety subsided but intrusive thoughts remained. However I would like to admit this as a partial recovery. 20 years since I would like to wean from the medication but afraid that panic attack could return because once it happened. On the other hand I also read in the web that a refractory depression or ocd could be treated with supratherapeutic medication to bring better result, that is to say that, to add extra or double the amount of doses than normaly recomended. I'm now on 100mg sertraline which was incleased from 50mg about a two months ago. I have also read about serteraline associated hepatotoxicity and mitochondrial impairment may play an important role in liver injury induced by sertraline. Though 20 years on sertraline I have been tested negative for all the abnormal parameters for lever function from the periodical lever function blood test. My concern is also that if I'm given a supratherapeutic medication with sertraline: say from maximum recomended dose of 200mg to gradually 400mg/day could my normal parameters for lever function go abnormal? or could there be any alternative to treat my refractory ocd? ? looking forward to have your say. Thanks for reading.
  12. pattypurple

    pattypurple

    Hi there! Let's see...Introduction...I'm new here (obviously), and am looking to connect with others who are dealing with the intricacies of psychiatric drug withdrawal (again, obviously). I am 52 years old, have been on various meds for about 30 years. I have also had about 100 ECT treatments from 2003-2011, and my depression has been called "treatment resistant". I am a former RN, and have been psychiatrically and cognitively disabled since 2005. My current psychiatrist is resistant to me tapering off my drugs. I am hoping to find someone in my area who is familiar with and agreeable to getting these toxins out of my body! In my free time, I enjoy jigsaw and crossword puzzles, yoga, walking, reading, cooking (I am vegan), perusing garage sales and thrift stores, spending time with my 95-pound mastiff/lab mix Molly, and Netflix! Hoping to get (and to give) support and guidance in this journey!
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