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  1. Hello, I am posting for my husband and I am new to the site and I am not too god at figuring out websites. If I am posting this wrong or in the wrong spot please let me know. My husband has dealt with depression for many years and went on antidepressants about 17 years ago. He started tapering off of Sertraline 100 mg 2 years ago he did it slowly we thought but just found out not slowly enough. It took him over a year to get off of it and he was off for 6 months completely when he couldn’t take the anxiety symptoms anymore. He can barely eat, sleep, or work. He’s lost 30 pounds and he is thin to begin with. This June he started taking Xanax 0.5 mg 3 times a day and Hydroxine 50 mg at night for sleep. This did not help much. As of July he has started ketamine treatments (3 so far but 2 of them seemed to intensify the anxiety) and he just returned to the Sertraline at 50 mg about a week ago. He’s never been very anxious before only depressed. We couldn’t understand why he was having these new symptoms. I just learned from a worker at a local natural health store when I was shopping for cbd oil that these symptoms are likely from being on the antidepressants for so many years and coming off too quickly. He told me the ketamine and going back on the medicine won’t work. I literally left the store in tears. At this point I just want him to find relief. My husband is suffering so much and has been for two years since he started tapering. It’s only gotten worse over time and I don’t know how to help him. It is so difficult to watch someone you love suffer. I am grateful for this site and would appreciate any advice on how to proceed. I honestly don’t know what we should do next. Do we keep going with the Ketamine? What does should he be on for the Sertraline? I don’t know where to begin to get him back to a normal life. Thank you in advance.
  2. Hello - I've never posted on a site like this. Please bear with me. I had my first depressive episode at age 20 (2007). Was prescribed fluoxetine 20mg. This helped for years. I had maybe up to a year here in there where I was not on it. But always started again. I had some anxiety at the beginning of 2014. Was prescribed xanax as needed to help me get through. I continued taking xanax occasionally (sometimes more than occasionally) after a terminal diagnosis and death of a parent. In 2018 fluoxetine was increased to 30mg. i had a panic "episode" for the first time in July of 2019. It was awful. I saw a psychiatrist for the first time and they upped my fluoxetine to 60mg and started me on round the clock clonazepam - finally capping at 4.5-6mg a day. He wanted me on more, but I was starting to fall asleep at the wheel. I was also to take xanax for "break through" anxiety. I tapered down a little bit before the pandemic started. But then stopped all tapering for a while. April 2021 I took what was supposed to be a "last dose" after doing the whole cutting my doses by .25-.5mg every couple weeks or so. I wasn't really on a schedule. After that "last" dose I could not sleep. My legs were SUPER restless. It was awful. I was told it was not related to benzos. I trusted this. I was told it might even be because of the fluoxetine, despite never having that symptom before in over a decade. So, I took a benzo to sleep. I did this off and on till the end of July, 2021. Then I got a new psychiatrist (the other one retired) they prescribed my gabapentin for the restless legs. It helped. I slept without the benzos. However, I would still take them on occasion for anxiety, but less and less. Cut to end of November 2021, sudden loud tinnitus that amped up my anxiety so high. I was in a panic. I was put back on daily benzo use. I was also started on during the day gabapentin doses as well as propranolol. I was then told I should try ketamine to help with my anxiety. You can't be on benzos and do ketamine, so I tapered off starting in January. I did .25mg-.5mg every cut... I was not on a specific schedule. MY LAST DOSE OF BENZOS WAS MARCH 28TH, 2022. Two days later I started 5 ketamine treatments over the course of 3 wks. It was awful. I do not know if ketamine just wasn't for me, or if it was benzo related. I had severe anxiety and panic, and due to the ketamine, could not take benzos for relief. maybe that was a blessing, because I definitely would have otherwise. After the ketamine, I stopped propranolol. I was tapered off prozac and started on 7.5mg mirtazapine. Shortly after starting the mirtazapine I stopped the gabapentin. I stayed on the mirtazapine for 6-8 wks. I had weird dreams and it made my head and eyes feel pretty awful. So I was switched to sertraline. I recently went up to 75mg and plan to go to 100mg starting on August 8th. I don't know if starting another SSRI was the right thing or not... but, honestly, I'm desperate and have even thought about just asking for benzos again. 130 days post benzos and all these other med changes, I feel really awful. I had about two weeks in May where I felt pretty good, but crashed quickly. I find I cannot stop crying. Anxiety is always there. I suppose that my body has been on benzos so long it doesn't know how to manage the anxiety on it's own. Doing anything feels like climbing a large mountain (like even unloading the dishwasher). I wake up almost every day between 3 and 5 and then can't go back to sleep. Napping is next to impossible unless I just get very lucky. Sleep is the only relief. Tinnitus is still there. I sleep with a headband on that has headphones in it that I can play nature sounds on so I can sleep. Sleep is the only relief. Mornings are the hardest anxiety wise. Evenings I feel a little more grounded, which makes me not want to go to bed because I know I will have to wake up to the anxiety again. Like if I could just stay awake, then it wouldn't come. And then I wake up and cannot wait for night to come so I can sleep again. My hope is in the idea that if I just keep waking up and going to sleep, eventually, life with end. I just have to keep doing it. My faith and prayer helps get me through to the evening. I don't know what I would do without it. For a couple months there, getting off meds and getting my body healthy was highly motivated by wanting to be a mom. However, my husband recently let me know that he does not want to be a parent ... and my mental "illness" plays a large role in the reason for this. I'm crushed. I honestly often feel like there is now no reason to try and be off all of these meds anymore. Whats the point? I feel better on the benzos. But my husband also hates how much I was just "on the couch like an addict passed out." Which, is probably true. The benzos knocked me out. But it was relieving. He says he is empty and has nothing left to give. I feel so awful about it all. I think he might leave me. I wouldn't blame him. At this point, I feel crazy. I'm told I am not hearing things that people say correctly. I really thought I was getting better, but then my family was talking about having me go inpatient somewhere. None of them really think this is benzo related at this point - my doctor definitely does not. I don't know what to think. I'm going to take leave from work for a few months. But don't know what I will do with myself. But I'm ironically, a mental health therapist, and just can't do it right now. I didn't know that benzos could be addictive. Or I did, but I thought if they were taken outside of how they were prescribed. I always took them as prescribed so thought I was fine. I was never told about withdrawal symptoms expect to let the doctor know if "my anxiety increased." I had no idea. I feel so dumb. I didn't even look anything up on the internet. Positives (limited at this point): I no longer get tingling sensations in my face and feet. Hot flashes seem to be gone. Sorry this is so long. Any thoughts or advice are appreciated. Is this normal? Will I get a window soon? Thank you
  3. I'm new to this site. My sister referred me (mod note: see sister's post here sister-of-saradee-help-needed-urgently-in-nj I'm 45 and have been on meds for bipolar, major depression, Bpd, Attention deficit, social phobia, Gad, panic disorder, dependant personality disorder, etc. I have been taking meds throughout my adult life and am have found no relief. In fact I think I believe these meds are making me sick, keeping me stuck, and making life unbearable. I've been on more antidepressants, tranquilizers, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers than I can remember and am currently taking ketamine for my treatment resistant antidepressant. I am also a "recovering" addict, although Im just as addicted to the drugs prescribed by my doctor as I ever was to street drugs. Heroin was my drug of choice, and I have been on suboxone for over 15 years now. In addition to the suboxone, I'm prescribed wellbutrin, xanax, Adderall, and Tamazapam and Ketamine. I literally take a pill to wake up, to go to sleep, to go to eat, and to go to the bathroom. Every day feels like a balancing act and I feel lucky when I get a few minutes that I feel well enough to get out of bed to get to my overwhelmingly long and over due to do list. I really am not functioning on any level and am having trouble finding hellp. I'm trying to get treatment but I can't seem to find a place who has a doctor who will work with me to get off the meds either because they aren't qualified or because I don't have a good enough support system in place for such a drastic change. So I have considered detox which scares me because 3 to 10 days does not seem adequate to get off a lifetime of meds. I would like to go to rehab as well, but would have to detox First. The other traditional option would be a psych unit, however, I'm afraid that that will just be more of the same...throwing medication at a problem that meds don't seem to be helping. Anyhow, I don't know if this is appropriate, or if I'm posting in the right place, but I just really need help. I feel like a huge burden to everyone especially my family, my daughter should be the focus and although my fiance is there for her, it's just not ok. I want this to stop but I just don't know what to do. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. Any ideas or insight would be greatly appreciated.
  4. Hello, I’ve been on this site for months and finally decided to post. I can’t even write because I’m in so much pain so my wife is typing for me. I tapered for 6 months off of lamictal, lexapro and Wellbutrin (which I was on for 16 years) and took my last dose in June. Since then I’ve had all the symptoms-loss of self, insomnia, nerve pain, headaches, brain fog/feeling dumb like my brain doesn’t work, emotional symptoms- anxiety, depression, etc., and the worst of all is akathesia. This feeling of discomfort in my body is hell. I want to crawl out of my skin. It feels like my body is on fire. Ive had twitching and convulsing and lots of suicidal ideation but the inner akathesia is the worst. I’m currently at atmc and they pushed Ativan on me. I eventually gave in because I was in so much pain and I regret it with every ounce of my being. Ive been on it for 3 weeks now and I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. Should I slowly taper? They’re telling me to just stop because it hasn’t been that long, but what do I do with the akathesia pain? I’ve gone down to 1/2 dose the last two nights and it’s been ok but the akathesia has started to return. While I was tapering I was working with a therapist who did “journey work”. Basically I had a full day session on MDMA, another one with mdma and psyilicibin, and another one with mushrooms and ketamine late june. He also had me microdosing for a few months in the spring but I stopped that because it wasn’t doing much. ive read that reinstating lamictal helped alto. Since I was already on it I’ve considered it at a very low dose like she suggests, but I haven’t found a psychiatrist I trust and I’m pretty scared of everything now that I’m living in hell. I’ve already been hospitalized once and to atmc and another mental health facility. Barely holding it together. any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks Ps. My testerone is really low too and I’ve been doing injections twice a week. Im wondering if I should stop that or continue. Everything in my body is thrown off 2008- lexapro 40 and Wellbutrin 450 2011- cold turkey went off everything. Deep depression. Reinstated pretty quickly 2018 tapered lexapro down to 20, Wellbutrin down to 300 added lamictal at 400mg 2021- January I started to slowly taper over the next 6 months. 2021 april/may/June’s mdma, mushrooms/psilocybin (microdosing) and ketamine. I continued the ketamine into October. 2021 September started testosterone because I was tested and was very low 2021 september- went to the hospital and got Delodid for stomach pain (very suicidal the next day) 2021- October lithium for 1.5 weeks December 2021-now- Ativan I take many supplements- fish oil, magnesium, theanine, etc.
  5. Hello everyone My name is Eva, 20 years ago I gave my power to someone in lab coat and believed them that I have serotonin deficiency and need to take antidepressants. I was on one at the time on regular doses but don’t remember now. Over the years they would poop out and that’s when I would be changed to a different one always did really well with transition had no side effects either so I kept on taking them. Always was told by doctors that antidepressants are not addictive, never was advice to get off them even for years I did not have any symptoms of depression which was the reason I was put on them. I came to USA from Poland at age 23 in poursuit of American Dream ,was very home sick did not have friends, was working nights at dive bar, and studying in the morning, for two years I slept only 4 h at night and ate very poor diets that’s why I got depressed. In past 10 years I tried to get off twice with doctors help was tapered down too fast as doctors do, and as soon as I was on 0mg I would “relapse” now I know it was withdrawal. Second time it was the same story. For past 4 years I was in the best shape of my life i did yoga and other fitness at least 5 times a week I was very happy mother to my daughter and wife my husband is awesome and I love him dearly. I was in great shape mentally and physically. I kept asking myself this question why am I taking antidepressants I’m not depressed, I want to know who am I without this drug because I started to believe that I never should take them in first place. In February 2018 my cousin gave me medical marijuana ( i only smoke couple times in my life, never was attracted to it) i started to smoke and all the sudden i had that idea that I didn’t need to take antidepressants anymore so I stopped cold turkey in February 2018 from 60mg Cymbalta to nothing. Almost instantly i went into mania state, was euphoric and nothing was bothering me, i slept only couple of hours at night, i could not eat food that i ate my whole life, my tast became very sensitive, I lost appetite and had diarrhea for over month. Nothing was alarming me because I was in mania. That went on for 6 month it was starting to loose its high towards the end. And in the end of August I started to notice that I was crushing my memory was becoming very impaired, my cognitions too and I had anxiety that was scaring me because I had never had anxiety in my life. I was sure I’m relapsing and was very scared because my symptoms were much was then ever before. I started to take 60mg Cymbalta because I still had it in my house, that was August 2018, I called my doctor and she said I was relapsing , gave me Benzodiazapine for my anxiety 0.5 mg. My condition became worse I was not improving but getting worse. I could not sleep I couldn’t not eat, I could not think my cognitions was gone, I started to have sucidle ideation ( never in my life I had them before) I became dead a zombie. I had insomnia and sleeping pills were not helping ( never before in my life I had issues with sleeping) Between September 2018 and February 2019 I was switched to new antidepressant every two months. After Cymbalta it was , Effexor, then Remeron. I was in hell and totally in the hands of people who where making my condition worse but at that moment I didn’t know it I was sure I’m going crazy. In the January 2019 I did ketamine therapy but that made me worse. I was in hospital 5 times between September 2018 and February 2019. After ketamine I went to hospital again and agreed to have ECT at that time I did not care anymore I was devastated from smallest atom in my body I was broken chemically broken. After 4 session of ECT I felt better first time in 7 months I went home and was able to function some what. I got back my cognition to the point where I started to look back at what has happened to me and looking for answers, deep down inside of me I knew that it was not my body making me sick I knew that something was happening to me that was outside of my body control. That’s when I found this site SA which explained everything I was searching for, I was crying I was so relieved but also became so angry at doctors at whole system. I understood that after I started to take Cymbalta in August 2018 my body rejected it and it made me lot worse. After ECT my doctor put me on Zoloft first 25 mg and then up to 100 mg. It was March 2019 end i was saying to my husband I’m so scared i don’t know why because i know I’m safe but I’m scared. After I found S.A. I understood that the only way to heal for me is to be drug fee I understood that what has happened to me was severe withdrawal symptoms from Cymbalta. I realize that I will never trust doctor again I know that I have to heal my body and no doctor will help me to do this. I wean myself of Zoloft and have been drug free for 1 month, I also stopped taking Benzodiazapine I was only on 0,5 mg as needed but was very reluctant on taking them because deep inside I knew that this is not right. And it was not it was very wrong everything that has happened and the way we are being lied to about devastating withdrawal and addictives nature of antidepressants . So now I’m one month drug free. I have anxiety about doing basic things like grocery shopping and cooking it’s extremely difficult, my short term memory is very bad, my cognitions is better then between August 2018 and February 2019 but still not as normal, my appetite is still gone I have to force myself to eat I’m 16 Ib underweight, my sleep is broken but much better then it was before. I have tormenting thoughts like I cannot stop my brain from thinking, it’s usually related to what has happened in past year, I have depression very hopeless like a child very helpless like a child, I’m ashamed of myself for being in this condition even though i know it’s not my fault, I cannot enjoy enjoy anything that I loved in the past, I feel very disconnected from outside world and every human being. My daughter is my main reason I decided to get through it, but I feel so guilty for not being able to take care of her the way I would before withdrawal. My husband is been my biggest support and I’m worried that he will get tired of me being like this it’s must be so hard on him. I am totally different person now , I was highly functional and happy very social with everything organized. Now I’m like a child helpless hopeless afraid of my own shadow. Emotional suffering is beyond anything I have ever experienced, I cry every day for no reason other that the pain inside of me. Physically I only have problem eating and extreme blotting after I do eat. I know I’m very lucky compared to people who went through physical hell too. I’m not myself and I’m so scared that I will never be who I was before. I’m scared I not going to feel happiness and joy. I don’t even remember how it is to be happy. Please help me to get through it I feel so lost most of my friends think I’m crazy because I decided to take charge of my life and not to trust doctors but they don’t understand that trusting doctors are the main reason I’m suffering now. I feel so lonely Please help me to get through this hell Thank you Ps. This website gave me hope and probably saved my life, I do want to thank the man who created it , thank you from all my heart even though I cannot feel my heart Its still there because I’m alive.
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