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  1. I've spent the last 13 years on various ant-depressants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and benzodiazapines. I was most recently on 80mg of Latuda and 900mg of Trileptal when the doctor who diagnosed me when i was 14 called to tell me she was wrong. She told me that I didn't need the drugs, and never had. My mom died from side effects of psychotropics and I had already pretty much figured out that the drugs weren't the answer for me. From February to June of this year I titrated myself off of them. I didn't trust psychiatrists to help me and I couldn't find one when I looked who would help. During this time, I finished graduate school taking a double load, started a new job as a consultant for the government where I protect children from bad medical advice, applied for a very high position and interviewed, moved in with my boyfriend full time, and he switched jobs, too. I let go of almost all of my friends during this process. When I came to, I realized that they were all really fake or bad people or just plain weirdos. I have three friends in town that I don't get to see very often, one very good long distance friend, and then my best friend/partner. A few of my family members have been really supportive and that has been really great. I take fish oil and that seems to make a big difference with the withdrawal symptoms. I was doing really great and felt like I was becoming normal again after these 13 years, but then I started having my period again. I stopped having my period on the drugs about 10 years ago. It has been so hard. I feel so weak like I am going to pass out. On top of that, I ended up not getting the big job I applied for. In addition to that, I am a social worker in the mental health/medical field and the secret motivations of others that I'm finally aware enough to pick up on feel so frighteningly devious. The most recent developments with "coming to" as I call it has been finding out that my sister was on and off verbally and emotionally abusive to me when I was on the drugs. I was easily manipulated on them because I couldn't remember things very well or keep my mind coherent. I think she would yell at me, but to be honest I can't really remember what the fights were like. I just remember afterwards feeling a rush when we would make up. She doesn't like me very much anymore the way I am now. She says we fight a lot now. The only difference is that I can remember when we fight and I don't instantly forgive her or give in to her adult tantrums. We grew up basically without parents, so she parented me. She always seemed like a wonderful mother/protector that was my best friend. It has been such a shock to realize who she really is. She was a huge support for me, but now that I understand how she treats me, i can't reach out to her anymore. There was a period of almost two years when I got into an abusive relationship. This was three years ago. I look back on that time and I can't really believe it was real. I know that I tolerated the way he treated me (the yelling, the not working, the financial abuse, the breaking objects) because I was on the drugs. My mind was so hazy I couldn't think straight. I also know that it was because of the way my sister treated me and her relationship with her boyfriend. Their unhealthy model made me think that what he was doing was acceptable. I somehow was able to get myself together and kick him out after he almost punched me. Shortly after that I started working out. Over a period of two years i lost 80 pounds working out and being able to eat health again when I had a med change in early 2016. The med change in early 2016 came when I gained insomnia for the first time in my life. I was in a relationship with a dangerous liar who was using me for sex. My hazy drugged brain couldn't figure it out, but I would become anxious and alert because deep inside of me, I knew what was happening. This turned out to be a great thing for me. We broke up when he was done with me and I got on new drugs. These had a much looser hold on me. I was studying behaviorism in graduate school and the way my "illness" had been defined,diagnosed,and treated did not make sense to me. I started dating a friend and he is really good to me. Somehow he tapped into the part of me that was most me. I got off of "sleeping pills" first, last year. These turned out to have been making me very high and "go go go". I calmed down a lot after that and started sleeping better. I was also able to identify that I was over medicated by talking to him and realized that I couldn't feel my emotions properly. That is when I saw that my psychiatrist would never help me get off of the drugs. She yelled at me when I said I was over medicated and barely agreed to lower me from the max dose (which had been placed by an entirely different doctor). I've been been hospitalized a number of times because of the drugs-three times in a mental hospital and twice in a medical hospital. The top most upsetting thing to find out has been that I never had any illness...at all. Now that I am off the drugs I don't have anxiety, depression, psychosis, or any of the weird ways these would manifest I noticed these symptoms fade away as the drugs left my system. I was and am so proud that I was able to get off of them, especially while doing so much else with my life. I've been through some awful physical side effects, but mentally I have been so clear and myself. I'm not always happy, because along with my lack of mental illness symptoms has come a level of consciousness I have never experienced as an adult. Not only do I suddenly remember all of the traumatic things I went through with my mom and her drugs, my own drugs, and my own life, I'm also painfully aware of other people's emotions, motivations, and actions. Everything came back into focus sharper than it does for most people, I think. I'm having to cope with the realities of materialism and our society-suddenly all at once. I think I get exposed to the evils of the world much more than the average person, too, in my job doing social work. My eyes are open to a lot now that I just couldn't see before. My withdrawal symptoms included getting hot every time I was hungry, food intake fluctuations, heat sensitivity, sudden sleepiness, insomnia, food sensitivity, weakness, tingling in my foot, sensory sensitivity, and general disorientation due to how aware of people's tones and body language I am now. When I came to, though, I realized I had done really good for myself despite the drugs. I have a very high powered career and am the youngest person of my type of position in our agency, but have the highest level of education. I graduated with my masters with a 3.9 gpa and got through my undergrad with a medication induced learning disability and my mother's death with a 3.2 gpa at a top university. I escaped two abusive relationships and am now going to marry a very trust worthy, kind, hardworking man who also happens to be the most handsome man I have ever seen. Somehow we were able to take care of our relationship with everything I was going through and his 70% traveling job for a whole year. We just moved to a huge two bedroom apartment in the nicest part of town and I am completely able to pay my half of the bills and all of my own bills. His trauma from being abused has been healing and we have been living together post-his traveling job for three months and it has been the most amazing life. While I have a much smaller number of friends than I once had, I have four friends I can really trust and rely on. Some are available more often than others, but four seems like a huge blessing to me. I sleep full nights most nights after 13 years of drug induced sleep. This started on day two of no drugs. i didn't get the big job I interviewed for, but my supervisor thinks it was due to administrative errors and my application being allowed to be sent through to too high a position. I was sent through to an above entry level position because of how good I look on paper. She is getting me ready for the entry level position interview in two months. Despite that, I am being recognized as a talented writer and assessor at work. The most anyone ever noticed about my withdrawal symptoms was that I talked fast sometimes and that is over. New withdrawal symptoms have been happening these two weeks I've had my period and that has been a set back in my recovery. Writing all of this down makes me feel proud of myself and know that I can get through this.
  2. Hi all, glad to be here. Relatively new to the world of psychiatric medication. Here is my journey so far. I was on Latuda for a few months for mood issues (formal diagnosis of bipolar 2) and the stability was very nice. I also was placed on Guanfacine for ADHD. Back in early July I sunk into a kind of depression, I realized I took no joy in anything in life, whether it was hobbies or even loved ones. I had flat affect and lack of motivation and couldn't gain pleasure from anything. On the night of July 13 when I was laying in bed about to sleep, I had what felt like a multiple hour panic attack, with intense shaking and thrashing around. I was begging my partner to take me to the hospital but they wouldn't get up and I was unable to drive. Since that night I have been unable to sleep. I am not sure what caused that attack but I feel like my body is stuck in a state of constant fight or flight and the insomnia is intense, I have no idea how to treat this. Psyc. doc. thought the episode was a manic break. Seroquel was added to help with sleep, but it's been hit or miss whether it helps me get sleep or not. The dose has been continually increase to help with the supposed mania. Latuda was fast tapered and I got off by the end of July. Psyc. doc. thought the sleep issues were due to mania so I was placed on Lithium 600mg recently. I do not believe I am manic, and I feel the sleep issues are a trauma response. Recently I have been taking the Seroquel at various doses from 75-200 mg. I hate the way 400mg made me feel, like I was drunk and still didn't help me sleep. I think my body is stuck sympathetic nervous system dominance. I never get that sleepy feeling. Last night I took 100mg Seroquel and spent the night in a light sleep state where I couldn't tell if I was awake or asleep all night. This is exhausting, non-restorative and common experience for me lately. The other day I talked to my primary care physician re: insomnia and they suggested to not go to bed until sleepy. I ended up staying up until 3am then took 75mg Seroquel and got 3 hours of sleep. I am trying to be pragmatic about the sleep issues and pursue two treatment modalities: Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Insomnia and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Insomnia. As far as personality, I am feeling more alive on the days that I am able to get some sleep, which might be once a week. I am just scared of being on Lithium, I don't think I need to be on it. I am worried I won't be able to sleep at all without the Seroquel but I hate taking a pill to sleep, especially since it is not even reliable. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my psyc. doc., we have been meeting about once a week since July because they say I am in crisis mode and I just don't know where to go from here.
  3. Hi everyone I’ve been on latuda since March 11th .I had switched from Zyprexa to Latuda I started at 40 mg and went up to 60 per Dr.‘s orders that being said that ended me up in the hospital for hostility and homicidal thoughts. I tapered myself down after the hospital stay from 40 to 20 to 10 into 5mg over the course of a month. June 21st I stopped. I know I went to fast that time I tried to reinstate the Latuda but it made me cry more depressed every day and gave me really bad anxiety, hair loss & a crap list of other problems. I’ve been putting up with hell for a little over 5 months. I saw another person with a success story here on the forums. I had reinstated to 20 mg September 8th through the 11th. I just couldn’t handle going back on it again my body does not like it. I recently stopped on the 11th was my last dose at 10 mg. September 12th through today September 15th has been ok I have had quite a bit of Anxiety and I can feel the nerve response that Latuda had on my nervous system trying to go back to normal. I cannot wait for that sensation to go away. I’m trying to keep busy and stay focused on being mindful and knowing I will get through it. I feel better off of it than I did on it and I’m praying it doesn’t overtake my willpower. My goal is to not be on an antipsychotic anymore. I will keep updating my progress here. Thank you for taking the time to read.
  4. I’ve been on antidepressants for 25 years. Recently started Latuda and weaned off Trintellix over a month while starting Latuda. (Trintellix 20mg daily decreased by 15mg for 7 days, 10mg for 7 days, then 5mg for 7 days) After being on Latuda for almost a month (Latuda 20 mg for 7days, 40mg for 7 days, 60mg for 3 days. A lot of restlessness on 60mg so dose decreased to 40mg. Felt great for about 6 days then suddenly got extreme restlessness and felt like I was going crazy. My doctor had me stop Latuda immediately. Now after 2 days I’m on no antidepressants or antipsychotic medication. I am feeling foggy but okay. Is it possible I could get off antidepressants? Is it possible after all these years? I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been off them. I’ve taken almost every SSRI OR SNRI on the market. I really don’t know what’s happening in this interim. I have an appointment tomorrow and really don’t know if going back on meds is the right thing or the dire thing to do. I hope this makes sense. *want to add that PMS is the time I feel my moods are completely unstable. First time posting on a forum. Thank you.
  5. Hello all, I was first prescribed 25mg of zoloft late November of 2015 after a few days in the psych ward. Afterward when I found a psychiatrist, he raised my zoloft to 100 mg and then a month or two later he added topamax 25mg and Latuda (can't remember the dosage) into the mix. Shortly after I started to get brain zaps even when I was taking the medications on time and foolishly I decided to just stop taking them all together around March or April of 2016. I never returned to that psychiatrist or any psychiatrist for that matter. Now almost four years since taking them I am still plagued with brain zaps. They are not always present but appear every few months for a few days and then vanish into the wind. It went on that until about Feb of 2018 when I started experiencing numbness in my legs. I thought it was a stroke or blood clot so I went to the ER. After I got a MRI of my brain and an xray of my spine, the doctors told me that the findings did not explain my brain zaps or numbness in my legs and sent me home with an article from PsychologyToday that I had already read a million times detailing SSRI withdrawal syndrome. I felt defeated and never thought to contact a neurologist. Since then my symptoms got progressively worse. Every few months there would be relapses and a new symptom would appear; lhermitte sign, paresthesia, tingling, itchiness, fatigue, and pain behind eyes. I started to document my symptoms April of this year after another relapse. I had another relapse September/October. Today I am in the throes of another relapse. This time somewhat longer than normal. I decided once and for all to find out if what I am experiencing is just the repercussions of not tapering off some medication almost four years ago while being a stupid college kid or if what I have is something more serious since SSRI withdrawal seems to mimic quite a few other neurological diseases. Tomorrow I go in to see if I can get a referral to a neurologist. Wish me luck.
  6. I am 35, the medication I quit was Latuda and I cold turkeyed, attempted to go back on and just went off again. I had been on various medications through my adult life and childhood that I think set me up for the experience. I forgot exactly what I did but I see now that my old post says "I ended up going to 40mg for 2 weeks then 1 week 20." When I look back at the pattern, I would say that things got so bad that when things were improving I thought I was back to "normal" but it's only years later that I realize that things were a smidge slower than I thought. But some things were fast. It's such a bizarre experience. I think that by a year the big things were gone and everything had improved month by month in that year and then more and more my body regulated itself. I have forgotten so much of that period but I would say what helped was hiking, friends (ones you could be completely honest with), researching but also letting go of research and even being on this site (because I got obsessive and sometimes the reaction wasn't good). Facebook distraction. Forcing myself to eat, but changing my eating to a little bit more healthy. Working, I needed to continue to work for the structure. Having the tv on and laying down a lot helped, it helped with the loudness of my mind. Being under stimulated in general, such as having lights off. Forcing myself to do normal things even if I felt like a dead brick, like walking through stores to shop. Individual therapy. Group therapy. Not returning to the psychiatrist (there is a holistic one near me that I considered based on her attitude, more holistic approach, seems anti med a little, I always considered doing that and this gave me hope so see if that is available). Reading success stories of people experiencing hard times in their lives. Kept taking vitamins. MINDFULNESS. MINDFULNESS. MINDFULNESS. You can not think about tomorrow. Yoga and staying in surviving the moment was the best thing for me. I wasn't perfect obviously, but just kept going back to that. One other thing that really helped was eventually acting like it never happened, I know that sounds sh*tty but I stopped coming here and researching and whatever else because I had to get my mind off it. But I remember promising myself to come back in a year to update, which I believe I did. The one regret I have is not going off my birth control when this happened. I didn't want to make things worst but I don't think there could have been a worst and now I am being triggered by attempting to get off birth control. Other than that, I think I made the best decisions I could and I made it out.
  7. Hello there, My name is Angelo, and I was diagnosed with a lot of labels. I've had psychotic breaks, and I was put on a lot of differents medications. I've had 2 shots of Invega the Last year, but my mom Saved me from having more shots. I believed that taking antipsicotics would made me "normal again", but that's not true. I've tried a lot of antipsicotics during my life, and they never made me feel good, i felt good only after some months of quitting them. But now i'm scared because this time i was under antipsicotics for more than one year,(even more that 2 antipsicotic, Haldol Latuda and Talofen, later I found a psyschiatrist who choosed to let me quit all the medications) I've had an extreme akathisia, but now it's a lot better, I felt so agitated that I try to Kill my self more than one time. On the phisical Side i feel really bad, my muscles are really messed, i feel tired, weak... I can't experience Joy, calm, relax, happiness is just an utopia for me, now. My memory is really bad, i'm scared that it's damaged forever, the only thing I want to do is sleeping to avoid this sufference, and this is why I took a benzo before writing this, i will post it and I will go to bed. The world seems really strange to me, i don't feel myself like a person But just like... just like "a thing". I don't see my Friends from a lot of time, and I don't want to see them, i'm not able to socialize anymore, i barely talk, sometimes i walk in a strange way, and I'm afraid that this time, it will Last forever. I would like to feel myself again, I would like to be again the smart Guy i used to be, i would like to heal from everything wich make me bad. But it just sound like impossible. I don't go to school, i don't make anything all the day, and even if I would want to do something, i would feel too bad to do it, i've tried. I live in Italy, wich is a beautiful nation, but I can't feel it. Even if I go to the Sea, i don't feel anything, anything. I started to cry again, but I don't know if it's a sign of a progress, or just my disperation. I've had a lot of dreams for myself, but now it looks like they disappeared. What can I do? Is there somebody who had a similiar experience and recovered or just felt better? I just have to wait? Greetings, Mister G.
  8. I'm Gratitude, So very thankful to this information. It came a little late. I'm extremely scared and never posted before. Please bare with me I'm very slow and having a hard time remembering the most basic skills. 2007 - Zoloft, Trazidone, Lexapro and many others I dont remember them all. They were all high dosages. Most recent 2010 - now Latuda started at 40 mg to 160 mg. March 2019 went cold turkey could not function. Went to hospital and they said nothing was wrong and I couldnt find any information about Discontinuation Syndrome. Dr.s said I was fine. Then over 2019 I overtook my meds one day and under took them the next not realizing the damage. November I ask my phychiatrist for a taper and she reduced it by half. I sometime took 80 to sleep. January 20, 2019 I decided to stick with 40 mg and I have. I'm so scared because after researching I realize I did everything wrong. I just want my brain back. Im also perscribed hydrocodone for chronic pain severe arthritist. I take xanax for anxiety. I want to be healthy and latuda makes me deathly ill if I miss a day. I realized I can survive Latuda. I suffer from sever miagranes and no organization or motivation. I hope I did this right. If it were'nt for all the wonderful information I would of went back on it. Thank you so much for some hope. Techniques to help. Febuary 9 I started 1040 Omega3 Febuary 11Magnesium 250.
  9. I have come off Strattera successfully and am now in the process of tapering off Latuda. I am down to 20mg from 60. It's taken a month and half. I know that's not super long. I have to taper off Cymbalta next which I am planning on doing alot more slowly. I've gone off it before and the withdrawal is quite intense. After the Cymbalta its LIthium and then I'm done. I'm nervous but determined. I'm taking supplements for my mind to help out.
  10. I'll introduce myself as Yabba, I'm a 22 year old male who has been diagnosed with many things over the past 10 years, but in the past 4 everyone has agreed It's BPD & Anxiety. I've been on various medications from prozac to olanzapine to alprazolam, It all started when I was 12, I was put on psychiatric drugs at this age, this is where it all started really - I'm feeling xyz so they prescribe what they think is right, The symptoms of one medication caused side-effects so they would prescribe another to counter. At one point I was on six medications at one time (16 y/o). So now for current day events: My psychiatrist has informed me that Zeldox causes side effects that are irreversible and I should consider moving to a newer anti-psychotic which he gave me a choice, Latuda & Saphris. I've had history with one but not the other. I was on 160 mg of Zeldox (Max daily dose) and I was informed by him I should come off slowly, since being on such a high dose for multiple years (3+) it may or may not be difficult. I've tapered down to 40 mg and wow, this is what emotions are like? My question is to others who have tapered off anti-psychotics: Is this like "wall" of emotions normal? I'm so happy throughout the day, I have lots of energy , but sometimes I'll see something on youtube that will just hit my heart some kind of way and I'll just start to cry, I'm not sad or depressed, I'm just in tears. My goal is to stop anti-psychotics all together, the past 2 months of being tapered off my life has only got better since being on a reduced dose, I'm enrolled back in school to get my diploma (3 credits) I've already made plans for collage, I went and got my licence back, applied and accepted for new bank account and credit card. For the first time in so long things feel good . I don't feel the same 2 emotions anymore & it gives me hope that I can finally do something with my life , that this illness beat me for a decade but In the end I won. Current Medications: Zeldox 40mg Adderall XR 10 mg Alprazolam 2 mg PRN Trazodone 300 mg PRN (for the rare night I can't sleep and I have an appointment the next day ect) p.s Too anyone else with BPD: This **** sucks, but you're a good person. We don't get told that enough but we are. Don't let the stigma get you down.
  11. I’m actively slowly tapering off nasty cymbalta. I’m currently counting beads, taking 17.7mg / 93 beads. I also take 10mg of latuda. I haven’t had any problems dropping latuda from 20 to 15 or 15 to 10, but I’m wondering if staying on it for another two years before I’m off cymbalta completely is really a good idea. It’s also expensive which is a constant risk if insurance stops covering it. I know it’s a brake to the cymbalta and probably helps ease the cymbalta withdrawal... thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Not bipolar, if that matters - taking this cocktail for mostly situational depression that I’ve made life decisions to alleviate. Really don’t think I need these meds, and think the anxiety is a side effect from the AD. THANKS!
  12. Wow! First of all I would like to say how relieved I was to have found this forum. For the years I've been struggling with this I have gotten so tired of other people (including doctors and therapists!) telling me that what I've experienced isn't possible and that I'm either making it all up or still sick. Everything started in my junior year of college. I had struggled with varying levels of depression and anxiety for most of my life, even resorting to SI when I was younger, but had finally hit a point where I thought that I needed some professional help. Looking back, I'm sure that the sudden drop was situational as much as anything. Most of my friends had moved away or graduated, my family was going through some money trouble, and I was working more hours to be able to be more self-sufficient. I started to become more withdrawn and my academics started to drop. I was an A and B student so this was very stressful to me. Thinking I was being proactive and doing the right thing, I went to my school's counseling center who then referred me to the campus clinic. The psychiatric nurse practitioner prescribed Prozac (20mg). About two weeks later I was hit with the worse anxiety I had ever had. I barely left my house unless I had to for class or work, would start shaking at random times, and had near constant chest pain. I tried to wait it out but eventually gave up and went back. She switched me to lexapro(20mg). This seemed to do the trick so I stayed on it though the end of the semester and over the summer. Unfortunately, when I started back up at school I started to struggle again. I'd tried to make positive changes in my life: made some new friends, got in contact with old ones, and started trying to date. Then, as it happens all too often in college, the guy I was seeing got me drunk and took advantage. This led to me having a bit of a breakdown and my friends urged me to go to the hospital. While there they switched me to zoloft(50mg), remeron(15mg), and lorazapam(2mg as needed). This is where things start to get really wonky. At first I thought it was helping but about a month after I got out of the hospital I started having these intense intrusive self-harm thoughts. Violent and strong enough to scare me. I had a medication review and those three were dropped and I was put on WellbutrinXL(150mg). Again things were better for a little while but about a month later started to go south. The intrusive thoughts were back and I had started to feel very unlike myself. Impulsive and disconnected. I later learned that this was probably a kind of dissociation. One night all of the stress and darkness got to me and I impulsively decided to chase the rest of my pills with half a bottle of vodka. It was strange because I wasn't trying to kill myself, the mindset was more: "I wonder what this will do. It can't be worse that what I'm already feeling." It didn't feel real, like it was happening to someone else. That put me back in the hospital where I then dropped out of college and moved back in with my parents. I had to be on a wait list but eventually I started seeing a new psychiatrist who decided to diagnose me with Bipolar based on the impulsiveness and out of character behavior I had while taking Wellbutrin. She called it agitated depression or mixed mania. At the time I believed her. I was scared, desperate, and seriously doubting my sanity, and I felt like I couldn't trust myself. She started out by prescribing me Abilify(15mg) and Effexor (75mg). This was my second nightmare. A few days later I started having akathisia and had similar feelings of impulsiveness and feeling out of control. When I told my doctor she urged me to wait it out which led to me relapsing into SI for the first time in over 6 years to cope. That combination was obviously stopped and I had the most physical withdrawal symptoms that I had so far. I couldn't leave my bed for two days I was so nauseous and dizzy. I feel like I should point out at this point that I was on most of these medications for max of a few months and didn't taper at all. Cold turkey then right on to another. Next on the list was Latuda(40mg - 60mg). My insurance ended up not really covering that one so what I ended up on as my final medication was Lithium. This was a blessing in a way because it didn't really do anything, which turns out, is what I needed. At one point I was up to 1600mg a day to control my "symptoms" which I'm now convinced was almost entirely side effects mixed with withdrawal. That dose completely destroyed my short term memory. After finally stabilizing, I had gone back to school and this was making classwork almost impossible, so after much debating the dosage was stepped down to 800mg. Finally, in the summer of 2017, I took a summer job working at a research station in the forest. After a lot of solo time hiking in nature I had an epiphany. This was the best I had felt in years and that all of my serious problems started after I sought "help." When I got back to see my doctor I told her my plan to stop taking medication. She was extremely judgemental and basically told me I'd be back when I had a relapse and just told me to tapper off with the what I had left (about a weeks worth). I'm very happy to say that she was wrong. All I've done since then is get better. I still struggle with some depression and anxiety but if that is the trade off I will gladly live with that. After a year and a half of being free of psychiatric drugs I'm surprised at the difference. On medication I was dissociating, having panic attacks, paranoia, and suicidal ideation. I felt like a complete basket case. It's terrifying to me how easy it is to get stuck in a downward spiral like that. Not ONE of the doctors or therapists that I'd seen even considered that the medication could be what was causing me to get worse and worse. They just saw worsening "symptoms" that they had to "get ahead of" and I believed it too. Now, even that the worst is over, the experience still haunts me. I feel so guilty about the way that I behaved and I have no idea how much was my fault versus the medication. I know that it was a factor but I remember making the decisions to hurt myself and destroy my life and I'm not really sure how to live with that. I have nightmares where I'm back in the worst of it feeling like I'm slowly losing my mind and I have permanent scars from the SI. I saw a new primary care doctor recently and the first thing she tried to do was get me back on mood stabilizers after seeing "bipolar" on my chart. I don't know how to get that removed or if I even can. The only people who believe me are my friends and family who saw me go from a somewhat stressed young adult to nonfunctional almost overnight. I know that this hasn't ruined my life... but it certainly feels like it sometimes. I'm sorry that anyone else had to go through this hell but I'm so, so glad that I'm not alone in this. Even now I'm not sure that I'm completely recovered. I guess time will tell.
  13. I came across this forum in the recent New Yorker article and I’m excited to connect with others going through similar experiences. I’ve been dealing with this in isolation for far too long. JAN 2019 Over the years, I’ve been put on an increasingly complex regime - see signature. At the start of the year as I understand it, the mainstays were Wellbutrin + Pristiq, augmented by Latuda. Plus Adderall to combat daytime lethargy. I wasn’t satisfied: 1) I don’t like being on so many meds. I felt a personal stigma, plus I’m scientifically trained. Surely this was too many variables in terms of optimizing further. 2) I was still suffering from evening lethargy, basically crashing out around 8-9pm which was impacting my relationship and family. 5mg Adderall and a coffee at 7pm, and I could still pass out an hour later. WHERE I AM NOW: STREAMLINING MY REGIME This year, I’m working to simplify the regime with my psych. Immediate goals - taper Pristiq, stop Latuda. 2019 goal - reduce to two or three meds. To taper the Pristiq, we added 10mg Prozac. We also added Abilify to replace the Latuda, which I hope to discontinue soon. So I went from 4 meds to 6, hoping this makes sense. The Pristiq tapering has been a real journey - The hardest phase was when I was taking 50mg every 2 days, then every 3 days. - Thanks to this forum, I read that that was a bad idea (the rollercoaster certainly felt like one), and we switched to 25mg daily. Thats where I am now. - The switch from 50 mg every 3 days -> 25mg daily surprised me by being the hardest transition in terms of depressive symptoms. This was combined with a foot injury which meant I couldn’t exercise much. When it rains, it pours! Would love to hear your thoughts on any of the above. Stay strong.
  14. Moderator note: link to benzo forum thread - Bandboy: Tapering benzos and latuda Hi all. Began taking antidepressants around 2000. Tried them all, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Prestiq, and more I can't remember. A few years ago I was put on Abilify, but it caused too much weight gain. I was then placed on Latuda, which was effective. I believe I have developed a tolerance to Latuda, and I suspect it has caused higher glucose levels and at rare times difficulty swallowing. I tried a fast taper, 50, 25, 0 percent and about 3 days later started withdrawals--sniffling, claminess, irritatabilty. Went back up to 50% and the symptoms quickly subsided. Have initiated the 10 percent tapering and while I feel uncomfortable with the first drop, I can tolerate it so far. When I feel comfortable or in 4 weeks, whichever is first, I'll try another 10%. I intend to treat the depression with ketamine, which I have found to be effective for me.
  15. kwdeer

    kwdeer: My story

    Hey there everyone. You can call me Fawn or Deer. I would like to share my journey with you all in this introduction. I'm hoping I can get some helpful feedback and advice on how to approach tapering off the medications I currently take. So, to start, I am 21 y/o and currently taking 40mg of Celexa, and 5mg of Abilify I also take vitamins and supplements which are listed in my signature. I think it's important to address my background briefly. I come from a very difficult background, I have been emotionally/psychologically abused by parental figures nearly since infancy up until the last few years, and had countless traumatic experiences both inside and outside of the abuse going on at home. I struggle with mental illness symptoms and physical pain, and I have since about 7 or 8 years of age. There's a lot to say, and I'm unsure of how much is relevant... I will just go into the medication aspect now. At 16, I asked my mom for help. I was experiencing severe depression and anxiety symptoms. I also suffered from an eating disorder and was severely underweight. On top of that, I was having audio and visual hallucinations. I suspect most of this was a result of complex trauma and malnourishment. I went to a hospital first, because I was suicidal. They put me on a medication for hallucinations (I can't remember the name) but it was making my symptoms worse so I didn't take it. My mom took me to see a psychiatrist, who said I was bipolar and anorexic and put me on Celexa and Topamax. The timeline is fuzzy but I think I was on these meds for a year or so before I saw a new psychiatrist through an intervention program for acute symptoms of psychosis. The new psychiatrist suspected that I had a personality disorder, and could possibly end up psychotic, so he started me on Abilify in addition to the Celexa and Topamax. I was 17. Of course, my symptoms became more manageable, and I started gaining weight (without changing my eating habits all that much, mind you). About 2 years went by. I went through periods where I felt like the medications weren't really helping me, so I would stop taking them cold turkey for a month or two. Not surprisingly, I would feel much worse and start taking them again. I was constantly pressured by my doctors, mother, and grandmother to continue taking these medications, but I couldn't help but feel like something wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on it, though. When I was 19, the program I was in got a new psychiatrist. Around that time I had been taking my medications inconsistently, and when I told that to the new psychiatrist she said that if I wasn't taking them, they must not be working. She suggested something different. She decided to stop the Abilify, Topamax, and Celexa, saying if I wasn't taking them consistently for the last couple months it should be fine to stop them. Instead, she put me on Latuda and another medication (I can't remember the name). The next 3 months were utter chaos. I was more depressed than I had been in my life. I couldn't get out of bed, and I started eating more. A lot more. Especially sweets. I kept insisting that the new medications were making me this way. I was told repeatedly for weeks that I had to wait it out and it would get better. After 3 months I ended up in a psychiatric hosptial for 5 days. The psychiatrist at the hospital took me off the new meds and put me back on celexa and abilify. I have been on them consistently for the last 2 years. And in that time, my health has declined in many aspects. I have gained so much weight that I've gone from severely underweight to overweight in a few years. I crave sugar and caffeine all the time. I sleep a lot, sometimes 12+ hours, and I am fatigued almost 24/7. My anxiety and depression are not managed all that well, either. In doing research, I started seeing that many people taking these types of meds have experienced the same thing... and I've tried 3 times to taper off the Abilify without success. Every time, I go through severe withdrawal symptoms. I'm sick of this. I don't feel good, I don't feel healthy and I am almost certain my psychiatric meds are making it worse. I have a new therapist who is very supportive of holistic approaches to mental health and I have decided to talk to her about tapering off these meds. I want to get off Abilify first because I think that is the worst medication that I'm on. Then the Celexa. I'm really angry at the irresponsibility of the health professionals who put me on these meds and persuaded me, a vulnerable young person, to stay on them despite feeling like it wasn't in my best interest. I'm really angry at what's happened to my body and mind being on these medications. I'm angry at the system that allows this to happen. So... enough of my rambling... What does everyone think? I am open to questions, advice, anything really... help is very much appreciated. -Fawn
  16. Hey so I got aka from latuda.i was on 20 mg for 2 weeks then 40 for another week and a half.Stopped it because of aka and it's been almost 3 weeks and the aka is killing me not letting up.Please give me hope this will go.I don't understand why it's still here when I stopped the meds 3 weeks ago it isn't in my body anymore and I wasn't on the med long.When will this end I can't see a light at the end of my tunnel.This is like inner restless torture.
  17. Hi all. This is Gemini. I about seven months into Zoloft withdrawal, currently taking a teeny tiny amount of latuda for withdrawal symptoms. I am majorly depressed and confused and would like to know the difference between withdraw al symptoms as opposed to uh underlying condition symptoms. Currently my almost psychotic depression has alleviated but don't know if that's from latuda intervention or a window in recovery. I can no longer work so moving in with family. I've lost everything but getting off Zoloft is worth it!
  18. In 2007 I was put on meds at 19 for depression. Then they decided I was bi-polar, the bi-polar where you are just really depressed. So from 2007 until November 2012 I was on a cocktail of meds. Three meds at a time. I was on abilify, wellbutrin, sequel ( only for two weeks because it made me extremely tired) Lamictal, Depakote, Effexor and so on. So what would happen is my psychiatrist would prescibe meds and I would feel better and didn't want to take them so I would stop or miss a lot of days. When I would go to see him I lied and said I was taking them and they didn't do anything so he would prescribe a different medication. It was always three at a time and I would stop or skip days of taking the medications. So this went on for 5 years. So in I believe July 2012 I was prescribed Effexor and was also on Lamictal and something else. So I was missing days as usual for months and in mid November 2012 I woke up and had this really weird detached feeling like I was in a dream, things weren't real. So I freaked out. I had been trying to get a hold of my psychiatrist and had learned within two weeks he unexpectedly retired and fled the country and no one could communicate with him. A few days later I stop the Effexor, Lamictal and whatever that drug was cold turkey. I didn't know what to do. Oh I forgot to mention, my leg went totally numb in August 2012. In early December 2012 I got double vision. So my family doctor sent me in for a MRI. I had an appointment in Cleveland on December 23rd 2012 and they diagnosed me with multiple sclerosis. So I thought "this feeling" I had was caused by my ms. So in January 2013 I was put on zoloft, Lamictal and abilify. Later that summer 2013, I had a breakdown bc of being diagnosed with ms and was hospitalized. They changed my meds to abilify, zoloft and depokote, because I had been on them before. Then from that time to now I have switched meds. Zoloft was a constant and I tried, Topamax, and the invega and abilify shot. So for the past year, I have been on latuda 40mg and zoloft 200mg. I have started weening off. My doctor just started me on 20mg of Latuda to ween off. I am starting with Latuda and then zoloft. So I thought for years this feeling was due to my ms, but I am learning more and more it's most likely due to the on going meds I have been on. Hence why I am finally weening off and stopping! Can someone please give me any advice or info, thank you for any help. I was wondering if you think my derealization/ depersonalization is from the meds?? Will it go away after weening off these meds for good? Do you think it will take years to heal and get rid of this horrible dr/ dp? Is there anything else I can do to help myself go back to normal and get rid of this feeling for good? I will still be taking my ms medication which is Tecfidera. Please and input would be much appreciated, Thank You
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