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  1. Hi I am presently very foggy and unsure how to go about composing this but I’ll do my best. About eight days ago (May 20) I took one dose of a 20mg adderall XR prescription I had recently been given for ADHD. If I’m remembering correctly my focus was improved and I was able to get a lot of things done without incurring much fatigue the way I normally do, but it immediately caused some pretty intense side effects, including elevated anxiety (nearly to the point of panic frankly), sexual dysfunction, appetite suppressing, GI problems, numbness/tingling in my extremities, and insomnia. I discontinued after the first dose and some of the symptoms subsided, but many didn’t and fairly quickly some new ones emerged. Presently I’m experiencing severe brain fog, anhedonia, sexual dysfunction (v low libido and genital insensitivity), difficulty w speech, heavy fatigue, dissociation (maybe depersonalization/derealization? It’s hard to tell), tremors in my hands and head and some involuntary movements, numbness/tingling in extremities (different from when on the med, less of a squeezing more like “drained”, I think I read that adderall affects blood flow), difficulty eating (also a different quality to the appetite suppressing effects of the meds), occasional insomnia, altered perception of time (everything feels much slower) and very intense depression and anxiety. I am very distressed ab these. I’m a trans woman w a history of sexual abuse and medication-induced sexual dysfunction (both very distressing! tho the dysfunction was never quite persistent iirc) as well as long term dissociation due to dysphoria who has only within the last year (since I fully came out and started hormone replacement therapy) that I’ve begun to heal and enjoy being present in my body and to experience a sexuality that doesn’t feel poisonous to me, and it has been more or less heartbreaking to feel as though the like. Fruits of my progress have been taken away from me. Additionally, I’m a survivor of long-term withdrawal from other meds, most notably lamictal, and it’s very triggering to be experiencing symptoms that so closely parallel my experiences with that. I’m hoping very much I’ll experience some relief soon because I don’t feel remotely like myself. I haven’t been able to engage with any of my interests in any sustained way since the dose. I’m very afraid I’ve given myself a case of PSSD in a roundabout way, though I’m trying to stop myself from jumping to conclusions. I am going to pursue specialized treatment for PTSD w/o meds in the meantime. I would appreciate any comfort, reassurance, advice, etc — (until I figure out how to pin a signature I’ll just put one here manually) extensive history of prior psych meds usage for adhd, depression, anxiety lamictal march-august 2018 (abrupt taper over latter four months, don’t remember dose) abilify, three days september 2018 concerta September-October 2018 reinstated lamictal at microdose, then tapered off probably too abruptly May 2019-July 2019 Estradiol, Spironolactone, Progesterone April 2021-present 💗 Adderall XR 20mg May 20, 2022
  2. It feels like there is a small part of me that I can no longer access and I want to get it back. I was put on Lexapro around two years ago for "binge drinking" by a family practice nurse practitioner. By the end of the first month they had me up to 20 mg. My drinking went down substantially because I felt dull, which I was told was the point. The few times I drank on my antidepressant, I was angry, mean, sensitive, and very sad. I've avoided this combination since. After three months of continuous use, I was tired of the blunting and discontinued for one week. During this time I experienced severe aggravation and irritability. Once I reinstated my original dose, I took this medicine sporadically: anywhere between 3 to 12 days per month. I took my medicine more earlier on, then less and less this past year. The longest I have been off my antidepressant during this period is two to three weeks, before people telling that I am being irritable (which feels like 30 to 40% of my first withdrawal's intensity). I would stop taking my antidepressant because I didn't care remembering something I don't need and hate taking. It wasn't my idea to go on Lexapro and I have since been pressured to keep taking it because those around me say I'm "worse without it." My irritability goes down when I get back on, but I feel dull and less creative. I was never irritable before I started this medicine. From 2010 to 2014, I was forced to take Concerta during high school. It made me feel like I was on speed. I stopped it because it made feel like I was a loser for "having" to take it. For about a month I felt stupid, but recovered. It reshaped my brain to be less abstract and more concrete, which upsets me. Around the same time I was taking this medication I would blank out, where I was super focused on some word or object for two to three minutes at a time. These episodes happen up to three times per week or not for a month or more. They seem to put up around the holidays or other stressful times, but do not affect me that much. There has not been any change or progression with this. Nearly three and a half years ago, I was put on Accutane, but only made it one week. I had extreme aggression, manic symptoms, and my first and only suicidal thoughts. It took two weeks to make a full recovery from that. The last time I took Lexapro at 20 mg was around a week ago. Before that I had been on it around a solid week. Last night, I took a quarter of my full dose. I will take another tonight. What's the best way to go off my medicine?
  3. Hello there, I had taken 60 mg Duloxetine since January 2018. I started tapering in Jan. 2021 down to 18.5 mg in summer and held that dose. It was a bit rough at times but I got through the year and more and more stable until December 11 2021 when I cut down to 4.7 mg for about two weeks and then down to 0 mg on December 27 2021. I also took 60 mg Methylphenidate since Sep. 2013 and tapered to zero from September to December 2021. I really don't want to be on stimulants anymore only to be functionaly and able to work (doing things I am not interested in). They also raise my blood pressure and have so many adverse effects. I had paid time off and much time with my family in December and actually felt pretty good. Had no duloxetine withdrawal symptoms at all except some dizziness when looking to the side (I guess like a pre-stage to brain zaps) that subsided both times after and tinnitus one night. Was only slightly sluggish on some days. (Since I also quit my ADHD med.) Had to work again in January this year and still did well emotionally/mentally at first. But I noticed that I really cannot (or want not?) focus on work and that it's definitely not the same without ADHD meds. I used to be that talented programmer but I wonder what is left without stimulants. After one week that turned into real frustration... On January 13 I was so stressed that I abused some 2C-B (short-acting psychedelic and aphrodisiac) nasally after work and found out that even then I have PSSD. The following day I tried a microdose of LSD to see if that could help with my focus as an alternative to conventional ADHD meds. It didn't really help. I have to say that I have a history of multiple substance abuse disorder but actually I am clean and in the direction of a much healthier life since 2020/2021. I really regret that accident that seemed to trigger the withdrawal/HPPD wave I am currently in... Symptoms I have/had: anxiety and agitation (no panic attacks so far but 'anxious breath' and constant worrying) thinking about and re-imagining negative experiences in the past from childhood until now occasional suicidal thoughts (never had that before in my life actually) body/muscle aches PSSD HPPD loss of all interests, indecisiveness unable to focus, can't think clearly, mind wandering procrastination earworm of the same tune since two weeks or so voices, words and sentences racing through my mind when going to bed (like the tetris effect) I also really regret that I CTed the duloxetine in December. Did all the hard work in 2021 and did the disciplined taper for the whole year despite what everyone else (not here) says regarding SSRI 'discontinuation'. I really wanted to use vacations as much as possible as a 'shortcut' and thought to give a complete withdrawal a try (and didn't notice any issues for a while). And I actually wanted what my psychiatrist and a friend says to be true even if I knew better and know SA since spring last year. And I neglected or didn't know of the possibility of delayed withdrawal syndrome. I think it could be much worse when I read some of the other posts in this forum. For example I can sleep without problems, although I get the intense cortisol wakeup and don't want to get out of bed when I wakeup because it is like I don't want or cannot tackle life at the moment. I really fear losing my job or crashing my career as a software developer. Can't really work right now (4 weeks in WD) because it's so mentally taxing (for me right now) and I cannot focus. So I procrastinate and fake all the time so far. Can't go well for too long. I am constantly worrying about my withdrawal situation and whether I should take Methylphenidate again. On the other side my current job gets worse and worse, many people are leaving the company and I would like to apply for something better, too. But then I need to be stable. My current job or situation prevents me to be stable and needs me to be stable at the same time. A vicous circle... I really need a solution and think that I cannot ride this out. Maybe I can and it's just willpower but I doubt it. On some days I feel better but it's not consistent. I used low doses of methylphenidate on some days last week and this week. They didn't really help. I cannot focus and procrastinate all the time. That also makes me more anxious. I run 10 - 12 km every other day since a few months, take some multivitamin, fish oil and magnesium. Bright light in the morning. No recreational drugs except said accident. Daily meditation since withdrawal/HPPD began. So I am thinking about reinstatement of duloxetine. What dose would you suggest? 1 mg? 5 mg? I tried 1 mg this monday and felt better after a few hours. The only really unacceptable drawback was insomnia: I could get to sleep fairly well but woke up after one hour of sleep and could not sleep again. Insomnia really destroys my work performance and makes everything worse. Sorry for that lengthy post. I really struggle to filter out what's important and what not and am so desperate now. TL;DR: CTed 18.5 mg duloxetine. (two-weeks taper) Quit methylphenidate. Delayed withdrawal syndrome. Need help
  4. Hi friends this is JB, I have a specific question for those of you out there in regards to heightened sensitivity to sound. Does anyone have any experience with antidepressant induced sensitivity to sound? I experienced a couple of years of severe reactivity to sound, inability to filter noise and converse, loud noises and certain music intrusive. Was getting a physical respnse to sound felt as real as being slapped in the face. Fast forward to now a year later slowly tapering off celexa my mind is clearer i am better able to think and cope with sound sensitivity. However, I still have this overreaction to sound where I perceive volume on just about anything to be intolerable and too loud. I often try to calm myself with my music. This works often except for the lower frequencies that “intrude” and can be heard and felt through headphones. Does this ring a bell with anyone?
  5. Hello everyone, thank you for creating and building such a fantastic resource. It’s so helpful to read about the journeys of others here. I was advised by my GP to speak with a psychiatrist in April 2016. The GP suspected I had depression & anxiety. I met with a psychiatrist for an assessment. I’d been through a lot of stressful experiences in life. Life had dealt me a tough hand, and I was already quite vulnerable when I arrived in his office. At the end of the assessment, the psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression and anxiety and prescribed me Bupropion 300mg and clonazepam 2 mg+ per day. I was never keen on the idea of taking medication, but the Dr said I needed it as I had “disorders” caused by chemical imbalances, and that I was lucky to have made it this far without it. I don’t believe that for one moment and now feel I was misinformed. If I had been warned about the side effects, I would never have put them in my body. I’ve been through some hard times, but the medication has served me with the hardest and most agonising four months of my life. To make things worse, after a couple of months seeing him every few weeks the psychiatrist offered me a job. It was a slightly unusual series of events, but I felt lucky to have been given the opportunity. I worked hard, was often praised for it and I was given reassurance my role was pretty much permanent. I loved my job. It gave me purpose and a role in the world. My self-esteem rocketed as I felt I’d been specially selected for showing signs of promise, it changed everything. However, the different roles called for different protocols, and the roles of “therapist” and “boss” required disparate and often conflicting styles of relating. The Doctor providing me with a job and treating me outside of the clinic caused the boundaries between Psychiatrist and employer to become extremely blurred. Even though it was unorthodox, I pinned a lot of faith on the Psychiatrist, his advice and the job he gave me. He gave me hope and faith for the future. August 2016: Prescribed Sertraline 100mg due to depression remaining and increasing number of bad moods. October 2016: While at work the Psychiatrist commented he suspected I had ADHD. Despite not suffering from day to day symptoms I completed the DIVA ( ADHD assessment ) with him, He prescribed methylphenidate 10mg 2-3 times a day. Over time I didn’t feel any improvement in mood, so the dose was increased to 20mg x5 (up to 100mg+ per day). I asked the Psychiatrist about alternative ADHD treatments as I was apprehensive about taking more medication. The Psychiatrist informed me that there were no ADHD treatments in my area and even if there were he would not be prepared to enter into a shared care agreement. I believed treatment with him was my only option. I was told there were no services or specialists other than him and the only treatment available was medication. March 2017: The symptoms started with a lump sensation in my throat like there's some thing stuck, maybe it’s my thyroid. I went to the GP who said it was globus or anxiety and it was nothing to worry about, but I know it’s not anxiety as it’s there even when I’m not anxious. Next came tremors, dizziness and chronic fatigue. I was struggling to think, speak and walk. I felt as though a part of my brain had shut down. I had strong pains in my chest, dull aches that moved around my back and occasional shooting stabbing pains in my back and leg that stopped me in my tracks when I did walk. April 2017: The relationship seemed to work well initially but became very confusing until eventually I was dropped not only occupationally but therapeutically. My false sense of security was pulled from beneath my feet. I'm sorry to say last time the Psychiatrist, and I spoke he was abrupt, abrasive, insensitive and rude. I’ve been left in shock, fear, trepidation and with more health problems than before I met the Psychiatrist. At the time I thought the stress of losing my job caused me to become unwell, but after discovering James Moores Mad in America podcast, listing to peoples stories and reading a little, I think I’d reached a tolerance point with the medication and started to have terrible side effects. By this point, I’d lost faith in the Doctor so felt I couldn’t ask him for help. I think part of me knew it was the medication as I went to my GP, firstly to find the Psychiatrist hadn’t been keeping my records up to date. I told the GP what I had been prescribed, and I was told it would be impossible to identify what was causing the problems. I naively agreed with my GP that the best option would be to stop taking all medication, however stopping without tapering has left me with a long list of withdrawal symptoms. I stopped taking sertraline, clonazepam & methylphenidate that day and cut my dose of bupropion in half for one week then stopped the following week completely. Every symptom I already had, got worse, tremors, dizziness, feeling unsteady, feeling like I might pass out, loss of coordination, back pain. The fatigue was so bad, I couldn’t walk for more than a minute or so which lead to me not being able to leave the house. My partner was having real trouble getting me out of bed in the morning, and after a few hours of being up, I’d need to go back to bed due to feeling exhausted. I think I was putting it down to severe depression, but I didn’t feel depressed, I just felt numb. After a couple of days of stopping I started to get really bad night sweats, I’d wake up stinky, drenched with my mouth tasting how I smelt, it was horrible. The chest & back pain continued to get worse and progressed to tingling and numbness in my arm. I’ve been to the hospital three times in the past four months in various states of feeling close to death but sent home every time. I’ve been to the GP many times as the side effects have left me with so many physical symptoms and feeling so ill. I had numerous blood tests and even though I felt like I’d been poisoned every test came back clear. August 2017: The fatigue has lifted slightly, the part of my brain that felt as though it had broken is slowly coming back, and I’m smelling much better :). I continue to have flu like symptoms and intense joint and muscle pain, mainly in my back, shoulder and arm and I’m not entirely sure if the pain will ever go away. I feel like a very rickety eighty-year-old. My GP finally acknowledged some of these side effects last week. They haven’t been able to give me much support due to stopping taking so many different medications at the same time and stopping cold turkey. The GP did frustratingly say some of what I’m going through maybe down to the return of depression and anxiety. I’m only depressed as I’m in so much pain and have anxiety as my nerves are messed up. I’m a little worried that the medication has caused permanent damage. I accept a return in my depression and anxiety, but I have so many physical difficulties that began following and since stopping taking the medication. I trusted the Psychiatrist and put my life in his hands. Looking back, I feel like I was led astray, betrayed and like I’ve been chemically assaulted. Before everything went wrong, I recommended the Psychiatrist to some friends who also became patients of his. They were given a similar diagnosis to the one I’d been given, told they also had chemical imbalances and they too prescribed a similar cocktail of medication including methylphenidate and told to contact him when they needed a repeat prescription. After a couple of months, they both began asking me why he wasn’t returning their calls or emails. When I spoke with him about this, he said they had contacted him last minute, and for that, he wasn’t going to reply right away as he didn’t do last minute. Eventually one of my friends requested to have her care transferred as she lost faith in him. The other works at one of his clinics, and is still having problems with him returning her emails and calls and providing her with prescriptions when needed. She has told me there'd been many occasions recently that other patients of his have called his clinic in tears as they are unable to get hold of him. I also know a woman who was under his care at the inpatient unit long before I met him. She said he had given her a combination of medications. She told me it made her feel like a zombie. For one reason or another, she was transferred to a different psychiatrist who questioned why she was on so much medication and immediately began to reduce her dose. No one was warned about side effects and withdrawals, supported, monitored or made aware they’d have to request prescriptions on the Psychiatrists personal terms. It was hugely irresponsible of him to tell people they need medication due to a medical condition and chemical imbalance and to encourage dependence on medication and not provide support, information, monitoring and often fail to provide the advised medication to patients dependant on it. I’m so happy to have found this incredible community and source of information, it's allowing me to start making sense of what I’ve been and am going through. It’s such a relief to learn I’m not the only one feeling this way. The support and compassion I’ve seen on this forum is incredible and a brilliant way of making good of what everyone here has been through. Trusting I’m going to get better and connecting with others isn’t easy at the moment, but I’m hoping it’s going to get easier. My heart goes out to everyone that has been through or who is going through withdrawal. x
  6. I know only a bit- I know I need to taper and have read the articles on how to taper. I know I need to supplement somehow. Exactly where do I begin? I need a plan. Do probiotics and supplements come first before tapering? I'm scared. I have been on these drugs since I was 13. I am 39... Main issue right now is I have absolutely no memory. By that I mean to the point where I try to conduct business with people and apparently I already have been there... I'm ok as far as depression but I'm scared of the taper.
  7. Hi! I am 28 year male. I´ve suffered for some years a general dizziness, insomnia and lack concentration. Let me apologise for any future grammar mistake as English is not my first language. Just to mention, although I don´t think is relevant, when I was 18 I took venlafaxine ( Vandral) for 1 year and a half or so in order to cope with depression I was suffering. A relative died and everything went messy. Anyway, I quit it. I remember I followed more or less the withdrawal instructions doctor gave me. This was long time ago, and I am not sure if it gave any side effect but don´t think so. so: Then from 18-19 to 25 I was taking methylphenidate which helped me with my assumed attention deficit. And when I was 23 I had to take Diazepam (benziodiazepines) for 1 month or less. Unfortunately I don´t remember all the details. To summarise, more or less after quiting diazepam / or ( maybe after so many years of methylphenidate) my mental skills worsened a lot Last 3-4 years I´ve been having a severe dizziness and the hell out of problems with short term memory. Also when there´s a some of stress, I forget everything and become impulsive, as if I was a little bit neurotic. It takes me 1 to sleep if I am relaxes, otherwise I could be awake for 4 hours. I visited several doctors (Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Imaging, blood tests, etc), but nothing came from that. No need to mention that it affects my performance at work. I work in an stressful environment and I belive I have to change because my "blackouts" / forgetful phases are troublesome, specially during the morning ( i wonder if anyone knows why). I already quit coffe but still there. 1. Does anyone know if benziodiazepines or maybe the interaction between them and methylphenidate could cause you any side effect? 2. Is there any reason why my black outs are stronger in the morning until mid afternoon? It was good to find this forum as most people and doctors didn´t believe me at all. If you have read it all, many thanks.
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