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  1. I was suffering from dysthemia due to my lowering grades and addiction to porn and stuff. I don't even remember what came first. Anyway I had a breakup and that affected my studies, social life and everything for about a year. I went for therapy to my university counselling team and that helped for some time. But soon I had to go back to my addictions to cope up with life. Then came quarantine. I took a long break from studies just like everyone else probably did. And sank deep into my addictions. I stayed up all night watching movies, tv series, talking to people who didn't even matter and slept all day. I would occasionally cook for my parents and that was all. I was happy. And then I adopted a cat. But after a month my online classes started. And my mom could never accept me having a cat. So eventually I had to send the cat back to its owner. And when I realised I wanted to stop my bad habits once and for all. It was too late perhaps. I was feeling all sorts of guilt and ruminating over the past made me feel suicidal at one point in quarantine. Online classes started and I found it difficult to focus on my studies. I couldn't remember a thing I was studying. I thought I needed help with my depression and my mom suggested that I should talk to my university's counsellor. But I made a stupid mistake. This is probably the mistake that I'm going to regret for a long long time. Four years ago I was diagnosed with moderate depression and I was taken to a psychiatrist for that. I underwent treatment and therapy and I got somewhat better and stopped taking the meds without informing the doctor. Back to the present, I looked up that doctor online and consulted him and started taking meds without even meeting him in person. I wish I had not done that. 15 days later my mom took me to his chamber as I was getting way worse and the initial problems that I had were worsening. He only kept adding more and more antidepressants to my prescription after every 15 days. Now its been 2 months of feeling nauseated, zombie like feelings. I haven't felt like myself in all this time. I feel like these medicines have done more damage to my brain and nervous system than anything else ever did. I so regret going to that psychiatrist. His true intention wasn't to help me but only to push more and more drugs towards my way. He started me on 50 gm desvelanfaxine and 7.5 mg mirtazapine. 15 days after that I was feeling way more suicidal and irritable than before. So he amped up my dosage to 100 mg desvelanfaxine. And now I'm on 150 mg desvelanfaxine with 10.5 mg mirtazapine. I want to get off of these meds. I don't know what to do or how to get off. I feel like they've made me lose my brain's natural capacity to remember things and focus on tasks. I've also been given 100 mg modafinil for concentration and focus which are issues created by the antidepressants I wanna get off of these and any suggestions would be appreciated My psychiatrist isn't helping me neither are my parents. So I'm literally on my own now. My parents won't take me to any other doctor.
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