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So I have friends in my close circle who have been on AD's for 1 year to 18 months, weaned off them 'just fine' and haven't looked back since..my husband believes in meds last, but never thinks i give anything a good try and 'stick to something', my parents just want me to be happy they don't know many details. My cousin has been on prozac for 6 years on and off but says 'if a pill makes me feel good that's all i care about-although i can't cry anymore'. So these are the people I'm surrounded by. I have one friend in TX who is a holistic counselor but she's far away. Right now, I'm feeling 'good' on Citalopram-been on AD's a total of 6 months, (with effexor in between but now weaning) started and stopped and everytime I started, I've had awful reactions (suicideal ideation, agoraphobia, and heightened anxiety) but after some time they faded and right now i'm feeling positive, somewhat like myself (despite my HORRIFIC nightmares) and I just feel in my gut that I want to just get off of these meds. thos around me see these symptoms as ME and NOT the meds..the primary reason I attempted these medications was because my obsessive health worrying was taking over my thoughts to the point i was getting depressed..thoughts like 'what's the point of eating healthy or working out..look at so-and-so and they got sick' - I went nuts. In this time, I've discovered meditation, self help books, and more tools in general. I'm so confused-part of my problem is my self esteem (trauma from growing up) and i can't make my own decision. I just feel like you guys would understand where i'm coming from. thanks for listening!