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  1. Hello, I really didn’t want to post a long intro because I’ve been battling either anxiety or med side effects or med w/d side effects for a long long time and I’m tired, sad, and angry and don’t have the energy, but I wanted to be able to reply to another member on here, so here goes. I’m not anti med and they did help for a very short period when I first took them but overall my life has been one of struggle even with them or partly because of them. Idk. I got OCD as a teen in the 80’s, so obviously DO have anxiety but muddled thru pretty well with little help for meds. I got on meds full time, in the 90’s, due to a horrendous breakup that put me in major depression/anxiety and after a couple years developed a mysterious symptom I call “boatiness” (non vertigo dizziness) which causes anxiety and was written off as anxiety but never remedied. I’ve struggled and suffered, missing out on lots of life’s joys…. yet I kept pushing thru and was “successful” in some ways, trying to do ‘normal’ life things, and keeping hope alive until the last few years. now I am tired and defeated. I tapered decades of Klonopin in 2019 thinking that would stop the boatiness. But it remains 2 years later. Now I’m tapering Luvox and I wouldn’t even bother tapering because it probably does help a tiny bit, who knows, but it makes me lethargic. It’s been a year of taper so far. I resigned myself to wasting another year and was suffering along but recently started getting an increase in debilitating symptoms. I really don’t even care if I’m off meds. I probably do need something at this point, because my thinking is so skewed to the negative after so much suffering and trauma, watching others live happily normal lives and yet they still complain about their brand of “anxiety.” I challenge them to try mine. I think I’m too damaged and disabled to do life without meds now at age 55. This coming from someone who was so hesitant and afraid to take them, I had to go to the hospital to get started on them. I’d like to switch to a different med or add it to the Luvox, but I’m told I can’t add anything or switch because “Luvox is special”. I have to taper completely off AND have a two week wash out of Luvox even though I’m only on a few grains of it, at this point. I can’t see how this is true because people are on multi meds all the time and I, personally, was on Luvox with Mirtazipine, but all the drs, ARNP s, and pharmacists are sticking to this “non-mixing Luvox” story, so I suffer another taper. Family and psych docs are useless… unless their is a pill or procedure, they don’t even want to know about it. I don’t know the doses, usually middle of the road because I was too scared to go to the high doses. 1980—OCD, kept secret, struggled thru school , age 14 1984—Told mom about OCD, first med anafranil for 6 months helped alot 1993-1994—Harsh breakup, major anxious depression, too scared to take meds, went to hospital to get help, klonopin/Zoloft 1996—Started having a symptom I call “boatiness”, never diagnosed, told it was anxiety to go back on meds, Klonopin/Zoloft 1997-2015—Family, college, work, struggled thru constant boaty dizzy symptom, Zoloft or Lexapro or Paxil or Prozac and Klonopin plus Xanax 2015-2018 Life becoming more and more limited, decided meds might be part of the problem and/or had barely helped for decades, started first tapers, repeatedly 2018—complete instability and disability, no work, no relationship, limited driving, tapered anti d too fast before klonopin, in maximum klonopin tolerance, landed in hospital from severe “boatiness” and unreality 2019—Mirtazipine, Luvox, Klonopin, complete instabiltiy but less than 2018 2019—Tapered Mirtazipine and Klonopin 2020—Luvox only, still disabled, now depressed 2021—Luvox taper from 100 mg, complete disability, hopeless, given up, angry, most of life behind me now
  2. Citalopram (Jan 2020 - June 2021) [1.5 years] : Started Citalopram in January 2020 for sleep problems caused by anxiety. Worked well for me until early 2021. Stopped therapy (as it wasn't working), my anxiety and insomnia got worse. Didn't think Citalopram was doing enough for me anymore. In June 2021 started tapering off it, starting from 40mg, until I reached one 20mg tablet every other day in September 2021. Withdrawing Citalopram (June 2021 - Sept 2021) [3 months]: Experienced worsened anxiety, insomnia and anger during withdrawal. MOST importantly, a previous minor phobia became a MAJOR OCD obsession of mine, and has completely overtaken my life since. Think about it all the time. This obsession is, and has been, my main issue for the past 6 months. Sertraline (October 2021 - December 2021) [2 months]: GP directly switched me from Citalopram to Sertraline 50mg, at my request. Didn't wanna go back on Citalopram for fear it wouldn't be enough. Had heard good things about Sertraline. Ended up being a nightmare. In 7 weeks on 50mg, all I got was dizziness, numbness, brain fog, chest pain, and a panic attack. Though it did elevate my mood, did nothing for my anxiety, and I couldn't tolerate it anymore. Withdrawing Sertraline (December 2021) [1 month]: Came off Sertraline slowly over space of 4 weeks quite successfully. Mirtazapine (Dec 2021 - Feb 2022) [6 weeks]: Psychiatrist in December prescribed Mirtazapine 15mg nightly. Started off ok, noticed increase in my mood. Couldn't tolerate going up to 30mg - same symptoms as Sertraline mentioned above. After 6 weeks on 15mg, I suddenly deteriorated, became suicidal, dark thoughts. The major obsession I mentioned before also got WORSE. Withdrawing Mirtazapine, Re-Instating Citalopram [2 weeks]: Psychiatrist initially instructed Cold Turkey from Mirtazapine 15mg and start on Citalopram 10mg. Couldn't take the Mirtazapine withdrawal anymore so changed to slower withdrawal, 15mg every other day. Initially, over the space of 1 week, my obsession/ obsessive thoughts got better. But after a few days they got worse again. Not sure if this was the doing of Mirtazapine withdrawal, or the Re-Instating of Citalopram. My current problem is this major OCD obsession, which was a minor phobia and I hardly thought about it before coming off Citalopram. Since coming off Citalopram, and especially after Mirtazapine, it's gotten 10x worse and has taken over my life. Told my psychiatrist my obsessions got out of control, he said to re-instate 15mg Mirtazapine daily and we'll come off again but more slowly. Said stay on Citalopram for now. But I mentioned that in the week after withdrawing more slowly off Mirtazapine, the obsession got better. Then after another few days it got worse again. In that time I was also starting Citalopram, and had been on it for a week. I don't know which one is causing it? More generally, psych thinks re-instating Citalopram is the end goal, thinks it will re-stabilise me. But I came off it 5 months ago, isn't it too late for re-instatement? Other people (Redditors from Mental Health sub) have suggested Escitalopram.
  3. I officially stopped antidepressants in January 2022 after being on a multitude of them over the last 12 years. Some of the symptoms once officially stopping are: -dizziness -intrusive and obsessive thoughts- I can’t get bad images or thoughts out of my head -panic attacks -suicidal thoughts -shivering/chills even though it’s not cold -fatigue to the point I can’t keep my eyes open Are these normal withdrawal symptoms and can I overcome them? I’ve been trying so hard to do everything possible to overcome my mental instabilities with therapy, mindfulness, journaling, exercise, etc, but nothing is giving me full relief. After being off of antidepressants for two months and doing research, it says my brain should be back to normal. After reading that apong with the symptoms I was having I felt like I can’t handle living like that so I got on celexa a week in a half ago. After one week I had such bad side effects I’ve decided to quit again. I have had side effects from every antidepressant I’ve been on (Effexor, lexapro, Zoloft, Prozac, Celexa). Although I’m mentally better, I can’t handle the side effects. The doctor doesn’t think there’s probably an antidepressant that would work for me, and that I’ll have side effects no matter what I’m on. Ultimately I don’t want to be on them, but feeling hopeless of whether I can be due to the symptoms. Is my brain truly messed up?
  4. peaceandlove

    Not being able to meditate

    I use to be able to meditate so easily. However once I took the pill, I delveloped the ocd & intrusive thoughts symptoms that can’t be controlled. So when I meditate I’m left alone with those thoughts & it causes me more anxiety unfortunately. Has anyone else experienced this?? It was curing my anxiety now I don’t know what to do to replace it
  5. Hey everyone, My name is Abby and I have been off Prozac for 3.5 months now. I'm currently experiencing intense withdrawal and the return of mental states I never thought I'd have to experience again, and I would really like to connect with others who are going through similar during this long, difficult process. Background info: I always had tendencies towards anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (the Pure-Obsessional variety) since childhood. At 16 these symptoms very rapidly became so severe my whole life fell apart within a matter of days (Going on the contraceptive pill at this time may have been a contributing factor). I didn't have a full breakdown until I was 18, at which point I was taken to the doctor, put on Sertraline, and referred to psychiatry. The following 8 years consisted of several psychiatric admissions, different drugs including clomipramine, seroquel, mirtazipine, prozac, and possibly a few others for shorter periods. I lost pretty much everything, my obsessional fears were so strong that I attempted suicide more than once, developed a bad cocaine/mephadrone habit, was a constant worry to my family. There were times, however, where the medication would help a lot. At 60mg of Prozac I went through some periods of being functional - I went to work, got into a relationship etc. These were a great relief but I can't say I was truly happy as the fears were never properly dealt with. My last hospital admission was in 2014 when I was 24. I had attempted to come off medication as I believed I had to deal with the underlying problems, and I hated the weight gain side effects. Looking back, this was doomed to fail as I was still using cocaine regularly, drinking a lot, and didn't have any proper support mechanisms in place. I was fine for 6 months then crashed, was borderline psychotic with the OCD symptoms, depressed and anxious beyond belief and desperately wanted to die (and believed I deserved to). I was in a psych ward for just over 2 months before new meds kicked in - clompipramine and (randomly, I don't know why) Epilum, as I was told it 'balanced moods'. A year later I went back on to old faithful Prozac and also came off the contraceptive pill. I had always been told the same about it, that it leveled out moods, and don;t think it's a coincidence that my symptoms became much more manageable a few months after stopping it. I then managed to stay at 40mg for 2 years and my life changed drastically for the better. to myself and everyone around me it was like a miraculous recovery - I stopped taking drugs, began volunteering at a Buddhist meditation centre, got my dream job, published a novel, did newspaper interviews about my experiences, ...I pretty much had my dream life. It was like being reborn after thinking everything was all over...forever. It was in January 2017 that I decided to gradually wean off Prozac. Over the following 10 months I reduced until stopping completely in October. In these past 2 years I have done extensive mind training and spiritual exploration, which has probably been the main factor in this recovery. My life is pretty much dedicated to this practice now - I still volunteer at the meditation centre, go on meditation retreats throughout the year, and have also completed a Reiki Mastership. It was always potentially on the cards after exploring my mind with psychedelic drugs in the past, doing past life regressions and also taking Ayahuasca twice in ceremonies. It was around the time of the reiki mastership that I was weaning off the last of the Prozac. Things became challenging - but at first I welcomed it. I was in a strong place mentally, and my mental health hadn't plagued me intensely for a few years. I was made aware that the Reiki energy can churn things up to be healed, but I think that the combination of this, a massive flare up of a back issue that left me not able to walk for weeks, family pressures and intensive mind exploration during retreat that has led me to my current situation. Since December just passed things have been incredibly difficult. I have experienced a return of old OCD obsessions, to the point where I've had panic attacks for days that made my vision blur, heavy depression, crying all the time, existential fears and experiences which medically would look similar to psychosis (although I believe that term can pathologize important and natural inner processes), identity confusion etc. I knew it would be hard, I just never expected to feel this level of horror ever again. Having said that, I know things are different this time round - I have a level of insight gained through spiritual practice that is keeping me going. Energetically, I'm aware that I am creating this reality on various levels, and that I need to relax as much as possible to allow it to pass through the way it's supposed to. I'm no stranger to facing the darkest parts of the psyche, but it's still terrifying and I'm struggling to cope day to day. To make matters worse, my Mum has gone abroad for cancer treatment and I'm now caring for my little brother and sister 4 days a week which is incredibly stressful (I'm used to having my own space and being able to retreat when I need to). My CBT therapist has discharged me as she feels I cannot engage with therapy under this amount of stress, but encouraged me to come back when my Mum gets back. To be fair, she never taught me anything I didn't naturally learn in meditation and I was only seeing her regularly to comply with services. I have however started going for reiki treatments with the person who facilitated the course I was on last year - he is exceptionally intuitive, knowledgeable and takes an all round, individual approach. One session with him last week was worth a year of 'traditional' therapy. So I'm hoping that continuing with this will help. Anyway, sorry for the essay. I don't have many people to talk to about all this. It's also weird for me to ask for help now as I haven't needed it in so long - I'm usually now the one that helps everyone else. It's a scary and heartbreaking thing to go back to a place you thought you'd left long in the past, but I do believe deep down that I have done so in order to face my demons fully and emerge stronger in the long run. Thank you if you made it this far, I'm looking forward to connecting with others on this site. You are all incredibly strong to be doing what you're doing, no matter what stage you're at. Much love x
  6. I have been off Sertraline for over four months now, after having been on it for about 3 and half years. Previous 4 years or so I had been on other medications. Is diffcult to comprehend and explain in words all that is going on, but my whole psyche has been completely overturned in these years, and I do not know to what extent the various medications have caused me this. I suffer from the severest OCD,and anxiety, and now I think depression, and sheer terror at all my subsconscious thoughts which have completely taken over my whole mind. I have been imprisoned and castigated in my own mind. It is beyond explanation what is occuring on a millisecond basis. I seem to have entered some moral vortex, whereby I feel as if I am always doing wrong. Constantly confronted with "Heaven and Hell". Constantly feeling compelled to undo things, which for example I have written like here. Damned if I do or if I don't , this doesnt explain 1% of what is going on. It has brought into the fore the reason for everything and existence. I really have no idea what is going on, terrifies me the idea that no-one can have any idea of what is going on in my head. Yet on the other hand everybody is in my head, I don't know who is in my head and who isn't. Everything I say in my head is being judged. I will not go any further for now as I am terrified of writing, and also it may not be entirely pertinent to the subject. Unfortunately it only comforts me to a certain extent to know that others are experiencing their own hell, and I feel guilty in turn for the fact "that others suffering should comfort me', as I have entered some abstract Universe which seems to have its own laws. the ridiculous thing is that in the end what seems "right and wrong" seems to be determined by feeling and not some sort of formula, and I feel guilty in turn for thinking that, and also "convinced" on the one hand that it should be formulated and on the other "know" that it isn't. One of the main reasons for writing this post was the guilt and fear of punishment, or fear of damning others, especially close ones for benefitting from reading others stories and not contributing my own. To clarify alot of this stuf was going on when I was still on the Sertraline, and perhaps, in a different way when I was on other medication, difference now is that I am that so much more fragile.
  7. I was prescribed 25mg of Zoloft and 50mg of Trazodone in August for anxiety and sleep. I stopped the Zoloft after a week because I was having severe side effects(chest pain and tightness, panic attacks, extreme anxiety, racing thoughts). After stopping the Zoloft, the side effects were still there, but not as severe as when I was taking it. I continued to take the Trazodone, but felt it never really helped me that much with sleep, so I quit taking it after 8 weeks of use. I was fine for 2 days, slept like a baby and had very little anxiety. On day 3, the insomnia came back and the racing thoughts were more intense. After a week, I still couldn't sleep more than an 1-2 hours a night, so I started taking Magnesium, which has helped tremendously. However the OCD-like symptoms are still there and they are very intense. I'm having racing thoughts, I have to have things done a certain way or I freak out, I can't focus on anything, and I've developed a fear of touching certain things. I'm also having trouble throwing anything a way and for some odd reason I get really anxious doing every day tasks like cooking and doing the laundry. Prior to taking this medication, I've never been on antidepressants or have ever experienced these symptoms. It's been 3 weeks and nothing has changed. Last night, my son came in and took a soda from the fridge and I just flipped out, because the number of bottles that were left were odd and they have to be even. I mean, it's crazy and makes no sense to me. I know what I'm doing is ridiculous, but I can't stop myself. I'm just not sure what to do and I'm starting to feel like I'm going crazy. Are these normal withdrawal symptoms or am I experiencing something completely different?
  8. Hi Everyone! I started taking Lexapro three years ago at the age of 24 after therapy sessions and the occasional Xanax were no longer working for my anxiety. My psychologist diagnosed me with OCD and GAD. Dread is the only way I can explain it. Vicious thoughts and dread. I wasn't depressed nor had I ever been and this hit me like a ton of bricks. I would be out and then this wave of panic would come out of no where. Dizzying and all consuming. I would start crying, become dizzy, and just be in an all out panic. It got to the point where aside from getting up and going to work everyday (getting out of the door was the hardest) I would basically refuse to do anything. Otherwise I would shake and feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I started with my general physician putting me on 5mg of Lexapro and then eventually going all the way up to 20mg. Aside from noticing a drop in my libido, slight dulling of feelings, and mild tiredness I felt like a new person. I actually remember the exact place I was where I felt those all consuming mind racing thoughts turn off. For the next three years I was perfect. Lexapro pretty much saved me. Recently in November of 2016 I decided that I wanted to go off. I was in a different place in my life. I was working, going to grad school and nights and living on my own. In hindsight I probably should have waited until I finished grad school since I was/am at one of the most stressful times in my life. Full time job, while taking a full three classes per semester at nights. But hey hindsight is 20/20 right? I tapered over three months. Probably too quickly, and by the end of January I was entirely off. My only immediate withdrawal symptoms were dizziness (not enough to stop me from driving) and I remember for about a week and half every time I would shift my eyes it felt like it took my brain a second to catch up. Finally nothing. I thought I was free. I was feeling again, my emotions came back, but all without that feeling of dread. Two weeks ago, about five months after I've been Lexapro free, I got the worst stomach virus I've had in years/gastritis/my period all in one week. I wasn't eating and I had lost 10lbs. I'm small to being with so I went from 118 to 108 quick. Then... It hit. Sick on a Wednesday and by Sunday I had the worst panic attack I've had in years. To get up from my bed was crippling. Am I relapsing? My mind was flooded. The PTSD was so bad from the thought of me relapsing into what I was pre-Lexapro crippled me. And since then I haven't been able to stop crying. My dizziness had returned along with chills, mind racing, feeling like I wanted to jump out of my own skin and rip it off, and the non stop crying. To the point opening my mouth and talking about a plain wall would make me start crying. I also have no appetite. The thought of eating makes me feel sick. I called my doctor and during my virus check up visit he gave me .25mg of Xanax. I thought this would kick it but it hasn't. It actually made me feel worse. I see my psychologist tomorrow to now talk about whats happening to me. My doctor said if this doesn't go away I cannot be reliant upon Xanax and I would have to go back on my Lexapro, but I DON'T WANT TO. I only took the Xanax once and I really am fighting to not take another, even though I feel like I am being tortured by my own mind. I want to be medicine free. I know what SSRI's can do to the body. That five months of freedom of no drugs and no anxiety were amazing. My questions are: Am I relapsing? or am I still withdrawing? Any advice? I am so scared that this isn't going to go away and that I am going to be right back to square 1. Thank you!! xx
  9. Dear community, I was recommended this forum after seeking advice for my current situation on Reddit. The last four month have been the hardest so far in my life. I took Przac for about 10,5 years (from when I was 16 to when I was 27 years old) until I stopped taking it in December 2020. At that point I was on 10 mg Prozac for about a year (20 mg previously) and my psychologist encouraged me to try stopping it for good. It was my wish to stop too as I had develop restless-leg-syndrome over the past yars and suspected it might be connected to Prozac. I took Prozac for my anxiety, depression and obsessive-compulsive thinking. I stopped taking Prozac on christmas eve 2021. I didnt taper as 10 mg is already the lowest dose in my country and my therapist didnt think it was necessary. For two weeks I was fine, then the former emntioned symptomes came back with a force I did not expect. My biggest fear is becoming psycotic (which I never have so far) but this fear together with cpompulsive thought, constant panic attacks and depression consumed me. After just 3 weeks I decided to take Prozac again. What then happened Id have never expected: My body just wasnt having it anymore, I got more and more nauses every day I took Prozac (10 mg) and after 2 weeks I had to stop because I was puking almost every day. I then didnt take Prozac for 4,5 weeks. By then I was close to getting myself hospitalized: The fear of getting psychotic was nonstop and compulsive and racing thoughts where torturing me all day. I had to try to take Prozac again. Immediately the nausea kicked in and after talking to my psychiatrist she perscribed me Zoloft. I tried that for just 5 or 6 days and felt so abd I stopped it and then took Prozac again. THis time the nausea was ok, I took it for 2 weeks, started to feel better, but suddenly the restless-leg-syndrome came back, I stopped taking Prozac for 3 days, then tried to take it again but started puking again and got such a bad headache I thought Id die. So I stopped again and didnt take it for 8 days now. I know I messed up. I can hardly imagine the harm I did to my body and brain by doing this stop-and-go chaos. I was writing on my thesis and had a lot of stress in my life (aside from the medication-problems). Now I feel worse than ever. I am in constant fear of getting psychotic, im neauses every day, have constant panic-attacks, my thoughts are a total chaos, random and chaotic. I dont know what to do. Will it get better? Am I getting psychotic because of what I did to my body (after 10 years of beaing afraid of this exact thing)? Should I take Prozac again, no matter the nausea and the restless-legs? I know there is probably no answere to all my questions. But I am thankfull for every word, every reply, just the idea that I am not alone in this. Thank you for taking the time and reading this. This is my Prozac journey so far: Fluoxetin (10-20 Mg): 2010 - 2020 No Med: 25.12.2020 - 17.01.2021 Fluoxetin (10Mg): 18.01.2021 - 31. 01.2021 No Med: 01.02.2021 - 06.03.2021 Fluoxetin (10 Mg): 07.03.2021 - 08.03.2021 No Med.: 09.03.2021 - 12.03.2021 Sertralin (12,5 Mg): 13.03.2021 - 15.03.2021 Sertralin (25 Mg): 16.03.2021 - 17.03.2021 Fluoxetin (10 Mg): 20.03.2021 – 08.04.2021 No Med: 09.04.2021 – 11.94.2021 Fluoxetin: 12.04.2021 – 14.04.2021 No Med: Since 15.04.2021
  10. Hi. I just want to ask if anyone here underwent ERP therapy for OCD during his withdrawal syndrome? If yes I would like to hear your experiences. I´m 2 years off meds cold turkey and for a long time I realize that what i suffer from the beggining of my mental problems is primarily OCD. It is actually really developed and only thing that was helping me sedative my strong anxiety since meds went off was compulsively playing video games. Now i stopped playing and decided to treat my condition. Of course my cold turkey video games stop hit my nervous system hard and I´m back in a really bad wave, but that´s minor. What I know about ERP is that it really trigers anxiety which can be not very helpful with withdrawal syndrome. Thx for your answers.
  11. Hello, thought I'd post here as it seems like a fairly supportive place. Here's my story... In 2003 I was put on 20mg of prozac for instrusive thoughts (mainly the fear that I would lose control and attack others). It improved my mood, however, it did cause emotional blunting. Incidentally, it didn't have any effects on either sexual function or cognition, so I was happy taking it. I was able to function fairly well whilst taking it. I then stopped it (cold turkey) for 8 months in 2008. Had no physical withdrawal symptoms, but I did feel really depressed for all the time I was off it - more so than I had been before I started taking psych-meds. I then went back on it and experienced some minimal start up effects - was then largely back to my old self. Could work, enjoy life again, etc. However, around 2010 to 2011, I started to find that things weren't so great. I developed really bad IBS around that time - frequent bowel movements, lots and lots of wind and bloating etc. At the time I just tried to bear it/treat it with things like peppermint oil, probiotics etc - I didn't think it could be related to the prozac (now I suspect it was). I also started to become a bit more anxious around that time. I felt more on edge, felt very fidgety, even had some days where I had the fear of harming myself or others again. As I felt the prozac was quite activating, I felt that it was contributing to me feeling on edge. So in August 2011, I switched from fluoxetine to citalopram. The doctor told me to wait 3 days after stopping prozac, then go for 10mg cit, rising to 20mg after 10 days. I think I lasted around 2 weeks before feeling incredibly agitated with the intrusive thoughts affecting me badly. The doctor told me to stop the citalpram for the time being and gave me a small supply of diazepam to take if things got worse. However, I didn't need to take it, as after a few days of quitting, I felt much calmer. I told the GP that I wanted to remain drug-free for a while. I felt great for a while - no agitation, yet by December, the depression had kicked in again...so I went back to the GP and asked for citalopram again, and that's when the real fun began... I took 10mg of citalopram from December through to late January - probably around 6 weeks maximum. However, I found that I had quite bad agitation around the 5-6 week mark, which was probably just when the drugs were starting to kick in. Aside from that it had minimal affects on sexual functioning, cognition and vigilance So I then stopped taking it. I thought that cold turkeying would be fine given I'd only been on it for 6 weeks. I experienced some mild brain zaps, and then thought that the worst had passed. However, the intrusive thoughts came back with a vengeance around 6 weeks after stopping it. They were really bad this time - I felt unbelievably agitated, felt like I was about to lose control, etc. In desperation I went back to the GP who prescribed clomipramine. I lasted 11 days because of bad IBS, anorgasmia, and nasty blurred vision. I then decided to go back onto 20mg prozac again as it seemed to have worked in the past. However, I experienced nasty agitation as my body was getting used to it - also, this time it gave me really bad sexual dysfunction. I took it around late July 2012, cutting down to 5mg by early November. It worked well for depression, but didn't touch the intrusive thoughts - I still had the 'pure OCD' thoughts of harming myself and others. I also had sexual problems on 5mg, so I quit at 5mg. Didn't have much in the way of physical withdrawal. Lasted around 3 months before the depression kicked in. In addition, even though I was off the drug, it seemed to have messed with my sexual function. It was ok one week, but non-existent the next. Kind of like some kind of PSSD. It was affecting my studies, and although I didn't want to take any more drugs because of my experience with citalopram, I decided it would be the best thing to do. So, in March this year, I tried sertraline 25mg. I was going to give it a good couple of months but had to quit at 4.5 weeks because it literally made me stupid. I was sleeping 10 hours a night, had really blurry vision, so had to stop taking it. I just couldn't study/function like that. Incidentally though, it led to improved sexual functioning for some reason. I knew that the depression/pure OCD thoughts would return unless I was on something else, so I went back on citalopram, this time at 5mg. After a month, all the intrusive thoughts were gone. I felt sedated, could drink coffee again, and it improved my mood too. However, the problem was, was that citalopram had caused visual problems just like the sertraline had. While not as bad, they were still annoying and prevented me from studying as well as I wanted to. Around 6 weeks ago I made the decision to cut 25% - I know this was a big cut, but I figured that since I'd been on it for a few months only, it would have been ok. However, while it improved my vision, around a week ago I felt the intrusive thoughts/anxiety returning again, so have updosed back to 5mg/day. I am therefore in a bit of a dilemma. While ideally I want to get off these drugs, using the 10% taper this time, at the same time, 5mg of citalopram, whilst working well for anxiety and depression, has also meant that I can't function as well as I want to. I'm a postgraduate student and have to use a computer a lot. Also, I'm coming to the end of my course, and will need to find a job soon. I'm not sure how I can support myself for several months that it will take to drop from 5mg to 3.75 or lower, which is when the visual problems become less of an issue. I may even have to go slower than 10% of my previous dose each month. I have a number of questions I'd like to ask you all: 1) Why is it that when taking prozac again last year it caused sexual side effects when previously it had not? (ps - I have had a blood test and everything, inc testosterone, is ok) 2) Is it possible that the 6 week spell of citalopram last year, followed by the cold turkey, changed my brain in some way? I'm saying this because I didn't have the blurred vision on citalopram when I took it for 6 weeks at 10mg, but do now at 5mg. 3) Would a switch to 2.5mg of escitalopram be a possible solution? I really don't want to take any more drugs, but I'm thinking that because escitalopram is so similar to citalopram, it may be ok to switch over (and could possibly have fewer visual side effects). Many thanks for reading. PS: I know that I was put on these meds for a reason, and that reason still remains. However, at the same time, the feelings of tenseness and agitation (which trigger these intrusive thoughts) are considerably worse than they were before taking meds, which leads me to think that the meds have messed up my brain in some way (part of me worries that its permanent). However, I am working on the deep seated issues with counselling and self-CBT.
  12. MOD NOTE: contains content which may be triggering for some members Hi, I have been "stalking" this website for a while now, I saw a couple stories that were a lot like mine. I never knew how much harm these darn medications could do, moreover, I was so glad I found that I was not alone in this. I felt like crying tears of relief when I found this community. Im not sure where to start so I will just give a basic "run-down" of my history; I came from an abusive background. My father abused me when I was younger, and my neighbor "took advantage" of me when I was 8, repeatedly. Im thankful I am not in that situation anymore, but those experiences did leave me with some "battle scars." I was diagnosed in early 2014 as having OCD, Anxiety, Depression, Panic Disorder, PTSD, and ADD. I knew I had some things from childhood, like the OCD, Depression, Anxiety and of course the ADD (That one is a bit hard to miss) But I was so shocked to find what had happened to me did give me PTSD. It was such a shock. I was hospitalized in late 2014 for a suicide attempt and that was my first introduction into the Antidepressants. To be honest they never really helped me. I was put on Prozac, not sure the dose, but I quit cold turkey after 3 maybe 4 weeks on it now that I think back to it. No side effects. No nothing. Then I was prescribed with several things back to back, Zoloft, Cymbalta, Effexor, I would only take 1 or 2 pills before not taking them anymore as I just felt the medication just masked the problem without actually fixing it. The only one that really did help a bit was Effexor but I got so jittery it was ridiculous I stopped after 2 days of use. again, no side effects, I was blessed. I was given Xanax for my panic attacks, i took it sparingly. Then I was given medication for my ADD, I thought "why not" and gave it a try since I was having trouble focusing especially in the workplace. I was given focalin. It completely destroyed me. I had a OCD flare up like no other. I ended up hospitalized from early May to late July/ Early August. It was a nightmare even though it did make me perform better, it was OCD hell. I recovered in a few days and was put on Paxil. 40 mg. and Trazadone for sleep which was switched with another type of sleep medication. I would take a combination of Trazadone and a cocktail of other sleep medications on and off. The doctor never warned me of the side effects of these stupid medications. I started having Nervous sweats, shaking which I believe to be called "akathesia", hypersensitivity, more panic attacks, PTSD episodes, OCD episodes. and weird sensations in my private parts that from what I have been reading, is called "PGAD" , horrible insomnia, sensations that are not there, so severe somatization, tinnitus that comes and goes, depersonalization, less able to focus, and an increase in paranoia. I ended up worse than when I started with this mess.. I have been though enough. Since I have been stalking this website I have been following a few stories that were a lot like mine and trying to mimic them in their withdrawal. I went from 40mg of Paxil to 21 mg. Probably too fast. I have been following Hopefull, ASkyFullOfHappy, MamaP, Gentle Steps, Petunia, MollyN especially since some of their stories really mirror mine in one way or another. Im sorry for stalking ya'll, I am actually very embarrassed, but I was recently given the courage to make my own account since I feel like I still don't know what I am doing sometimes, and honestly my symptoms, although they have improved a slight bit, they are not where I need them to be. I hope with some guidance I can get on the right track here, and maybe help a couple people out as well.
  13. I pray I am doing this correctly. This may be a Trigger for some - read with caution .I am new and over the past 6 months , I have been trailed on 22 psyc meds for what they felt was OCD / Anxiety - now I am a mess beyond. A very quick explanation. 7 months ago I was perfectly normal . Happy, normal , living life ...all of that . Then out of the blue, I had a thought that was not so wonderful . I called my family doctor as well I didn't understand what was happening and he started me on Risperidone, Ativan ( 4 mg / day ,) and Annifril. I took one Risperidone, and had a panic attack and begun to hallucinatiate. I took one Annifril, and I stayed on the Benzo as he said it would help me with what he felt was anxiety for 5 months . I was switched to Coloasapm and then tappered off of Coloasapm - the dose was 1 mg , in 2 weeks .So in total 5 months on benzos - 2 week tapper . While on the benzos I began to truly hear my inner dialogue loudly . It literally took over my conscience mind - where as before it was background . I became hyper aware of my thoughts . I became terrified. I was getting thoughts that were not mine on any level - violent thoughts towards others and myself , commanding thoughts , an inner voice that spoke all day - still does to this day - racing , chatter , non stop - you name it .I am left with no peace at all , and a ' voice ' in my mind that most days does not even feel like mine. I have had days where I do not recognize myself in the mirror, fight with myself , and feel out of it. Anxious thoughts , scary thoughts , ..all day . Through the 6 months my conditioned worsened . I was then offered Rumeron, Olazipine, Zoloft , Prozac , Delantin , Valium , Coloasapm, Ambilify, Serequel , Pristique, Lyrica , Escatilapram and the list goes on and on . I did not know better as I have never taken medication before ....I just wanted to get better , yet I continue to get worse. Today , my thoughts are loud , repeat everything I read , non stop , highly intrusive , name calling , highly damaging , and it's like I am listening to my thoughts not as the generator, but the listener. They do not make sense. I am unable to process emotions , or an idea . Every single thought is anxiety driven , meaning I have extreme anxiety over any thought now - as I am Hyper Aware of everything in my mind . I can feel and tell I am listening ....I am sorry I do not know how to explain this ....it's like I am mediating , but unable to stop . I am stuck in my mind . I am unable to focus , watch tv - nothing. I am unable to nap without waking to a panic attack - and my ' doctor ' still wants to trial medication. My thoughts take over my entire thought process , and all I think about is my thinking , or intrusives , or this or that . I am no longer living . ..I am simply exsisting. This awareness is killing me . The intrusives are killing me . Non stop ....all day . I also have screaming , and crying in my mind , music , looping , and the exact same thoughts every day without cease. I have had sucidal thoughts - which is so not me !!! None of this is me !!! I know in my heart this is from the medication. Yes , I had one not so proper thought , but where I am today is a head full of loud intrusive thoughts. ...and a racing mind, and my thoughts are forefront , and never background anymore . Ever . Any assistance would be appreciated please. Any. I am clean of all medications now . Thank you ....
  14. Hi My doctor prescribed me to take 25mg of Sertraline in the night for a week. My condition is Pure OCD. The drug was a brand name medication (Zotral-50) which I got from the pharmacy. Within a week of using 25mg in the night, my symptoms became mild and controllable and my mood became better. On the 2nd week, I was told by the doctor to increase the dosage as follows. This time what I got was a generic sertraline medication. Week 1: Sertraline 25mg in the night Week 2: 25mg morning, 25mg night Week 3: 50mg morning, 50mg night I'm in the 3rd week now and I'm not feeling better like I was in the first week. The symptoms came back and feels more severe. My question is can it be the switching I did from brand name to generic drug caused this? If so would it be ok to take the brand name again instead of the generic? Many thanks, R
  15. I have suffered most of my life with OCD, Tic related OCD, (Complex Tic Disorder/Tourettic OCD/TOCD) and Panic Disorder. I have taken SSRI antidepressants and benzodiazepines with no or little success other than keeping panic at bay for over 20 years. I have discontinued the usage of antidepressants for almost a year now. I experienced acute withdrawl (“discontinuation syndrome”)and now I am enduring a protracted adverse reaction do to Dr. prescribed usage of SSRI antidepressants. I now have symptoms that I never had before taking the medication and during the time I was on the medication. Symptoms that I have had in the past are more severe and much harder to cope with. Simply, my question is can anyone relate. Thank you! Celexa, Prozac, Zoloft, Luvox, Lexapro, paxil, anafranil, Klonopin
  16. I'm so relieved to have found this group! I was on lexapro for more than 15 years- 5 mg day- and last spring I decided to taper with the goal of being lexapro free. I was able to do so with the help of a compounding pharmacy over the course of three or four months. I felt pretty dicey throughout the process- no help from my shrink who believes that one can do this by mixing the pills in applesauce and take just a few weeks to become drug free. I am now off Lexapro but feel terrible- I cry frequently and my emotions are always in a turmoil. I am anxious/depressed. Is this part of the withdrawl or is it my natural state now? My reading informs me that I tapered off much too fast and that the withdrawl symptoms can last a long time. Not sure how to proceed- I started DBT therapy a few weeks ago so too soon to tell if it will help. So far, my emotions seem to be even more unregulated! BTW, I was put on lexapro when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and over the years I tried to get off the drug but the side effects were so awful I never succeeded until now. Any ideas or thoughts would be helpful as I decide if I should restart an antidepressant or soldier on and hope that things will get better.
  17. Extreme anxiety and pure O began in early 2017. Placed on 50 mg Zoloft then. Started with 25 mg for 2 weeks and then upped to 50. Do not remember now how long it took to feel better, but I have had a completely happy 2.5 years, aside from a 25 lb weight gain. Somewhat decrease in libido, but not enough to cause concern. Felt so much better, thought I could try to live life independent of med. Decided to taper slowly. Two weeks of 25 mgs...no symptoms. 2 weeks of every other day 25 mgs...no symptoms. 2 weeks of every third day 25 mgs...no symptoms. As of Nov. 28, no Zoloft at all. Felt fine, no zaps, headaches, sleep issues, etc. decided to try adipex (or phentermine) to lose some weight. 5 days into adipex 37.5 mg extreme ocd and ruminations were back. Stopped adipex for 5 days. Still pretty anxious. Was hoping that ocd would go away after ending adipex. didnt. Broke down today and refilled my Zoloft prescription. Took 50 mg. Any advice on reinstating ? Should I take 25 mg instead since my body has been used to much less ? Also, if anyone has been in my situation before, how long did it take for reinstatement to help you feel better? I’m feeling very hopeless. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to not start the taper. Why mess up a good thing? Sigh. Has anyone struggled with anxiety, ruminating thoughts after reinstating? I’ve also purchased some omega 3, b complex, and magnesium supplements to help get me over this hump. Thanks for the help in advance, just looking for a sliver of hope that my reinstatement will work ! Would be willing to try tapering again , just not anytime soon.
  18. First of all thank you for the support you give on this site. I am from Spain, using Google translator. I started with psychiatric medications at age 16 from panic attacks, I'm currently 37. I've been trying to quit the medications for two years. Before starting the last withdrawal I was taking: EFFEXOR XR 150 mg1-0-0; TRANKIMAZIN RETARD 1mg 1-0-1; MIRTAZAPINE 15 mg 0-0-1. In January 2019 I started withdrawing TRANKIMAZIN 0.5 mg every 15 days; at the end of the cone I did not recover from withdrawal symptoms but despite that when the withdrawal of TRANKIMAZIN ends I began with the withdrawal of EFFEXOR. I removed 0.75 mg of EFFEXOR for two months. At this point I was very tired, I had muscular stiffness in my neck and many pains and had gained a lot of weight, I decided to remove MIRTAZAPINE first to see if the symptoms described above were solved. From there I eliminate MIRTAZAPINE in just one week, five months ago. There begins the greatest abstinence hell I've ever lived; panic attacks every thirty minutes, vomiting, diarrhea, sensitivity to light and sound, itching and skin sensitivity, burning eyes, lack of appetite, muscle aches throughout the body, extreme fatigue, anhedonia, depersonalization, dizziness ... As the symptoms were intolerable, reading in this forum that a benzodiazepine can help I start with DIAZEPAM. 2.5 mg - 0 - 2.5. The benzo works and the symptoms become more tolerable. the panic attacks almost disappear and I start eating a little. From this moment I try to hold on to see if the symptoms disappear. Today, sensitivity to light and sound, skin sensitivities have improved, I have no insomnia, no vomiting or diarrhea. However, I have had to abandon all my daily activities because any effort makes me feel very sick (flu symptoms). prolonged anhedonia and depersonalization have led me to a deep depression. My life is to be asleep as long as possible because the reality is too distressing, I have no appetite, I live with demotivation and hopelessness and ideas of death. I do not know if all these symptoms are an accumulation of the different withdrawals or are due exclusively to MIRTAZAPINE. I am afraid of restoring medication because my quality of life with her was very poor, the EFFEXOR caused my personality changes and psychic changes that wreaked havoc on my life. I would like to know what you think and what you would do in these difficult times. It is very difficult in Spain to find medical support that belives my story. Thanks for your support.
  19. Hello, this is my first post and I’m really looking for some help Here is my story, so for the past three years I have been on 50mg Sertraline/ Zoloft for Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Depression. I decided to come off of them from the beginning of this year and then had a delayed withdrawal symptoms three weeks from my last dose. I then reinstated on the same medication and for 2 weeks and 5 days experiences awful side effects even worse compared to the first time I went on it, the main cause for concern it making me have suicidal thoughts and feelings, which led me to CT with the advice of my doctor. From what I have found is that the medication may have exasperated my discontinuation symptoms. For a month after I experienced discontinuation symtpoms including Acute anxiety and dread Waking up anxious Low mood Depression Feeling extreme weariness (the worst) Nightmares Decreased appetite Mild insomnia - waking up several times throughout the night and early morning wake ups Confusion Brain fog - words and sentences seeming jumbled or muddled Intrusive suicidal thoughts Suicidal feelings Crying spells Mood swings Irritibility Racing thoughts Anhedonia Poor concentration - unable to read or listen to music Mild memory loss Derealisation / Depersonalisation Flu-symptoms Mild vertigo Tingling sensations Smelling things that aren’t there Diarrhoea Lack of labido Light sensitivity Eye floaters 5 weeks later and most of these are gone, I had a streak of 6 days where I felt fantastic, I felt like I could manage my anxiety and depression and I was just left with what I’m usually used to. However, I feel awful again, but I am unsure if this is a “relapse” to what my natural mental state is or if I’m still experiencing mild withdrawal. I noticed yesterday that I kept repeating a words that I was reading from signs I walked past, I have quite bad health anxiety and seeing as this is unrelated to anxiety and more OCD, it’s freaking me out thinking I might be developing it. But, when I read about OCD it doesn’t entirely relate to what I’m like, I’ve always been more anxious and depressed, I don’t perform rituals in my mind or physically. I do have worries about losing control and horrible instrusive thoughts but I always assumed that it suited my anxiety rather than OCD. I have had repetitive words happen to me a few times even while I was on the meds, but to a point that it didn’t concern me, probably a total of 5 days out of the three years. I also remember right at the beginning of my experiences with mental health that I did sometimes count things but could easily stop. But im unable to remember if this is when I started the sertraline or before. Now I’m off of them I’m unsure if this is a diagnosis that has been unnnoticed (as I did go onto AD fairly quickly) or if this is an effect of SSRI meds and the withdrawal? I also had about a 5 day bout when I recently reinstated my meds experiencing a compulsion to touch my nose over and over, however I resisted it to the point that it went quickly and figured that it was my brain confused coming off and on the medication and the effects on my nervous system, and that I had read somewhere that the end of someone’s nose also felt quite strange coming off medication and that it can be anxiety related. I do feel that as a person my anxiety fixates on health problems and then acts them out in hypothetical situations, so I used to worry about schizophrenia so when my anxiety was bad I would imagine voices talking to me, even though I was not psychotic. I think the same thing happens with my current worry of OCD, that my brain is acting it out playing on my worries, rather than the typical sense of OCD using those thoughts to neutralise worries. If that makes sense. Im also beginning to experience Earworms, parts of songs annoyingly repeating in my head. Has as anyone got some incite to how I’m feeling or if they have had similar experiences? Is it because of the medication, the discontinuation, or should I have something to worry about in terms of OCD? And most importantly, can people experience mild symptoms of OCD but mainly have anxiety? I.e can anxiety borrow tendencies from OCD without it being OCD. I feel a lot better without all the nasty discontinuation symptoms, but now I just feel awfully trapped between coming off medication or having to one day maybe reinstate because I’d be unable to deal with what I’m like off of them and this mental discomfort. All the stories on here scare the life out of me, however both options appear terrifying- being off medication and going back on them. I don’t ever want to experience being suicidal again, but I don’t want to be crippled with anxiety and new symptoms that seem scary to manage. So confusing. Hopefully I’ve been as informative and concise as possible. Would love to hear from you all!
  20. Hello to all. I have been on a low of 50mg of Anafranil for 25 years for Pure OCD. This is the 4th time I'm tapering of this medication. I mainly rely on the therapy, i.e.: CBT, ERP and insight for managing my OCD condition. I've had no clinical depression for over 20 years but the anxiety is always there. I'm fairly convinced the medication has hardly any benefit apart from an anxiolytic effect which does help anxiety a little although I've had enough of sleeping 12 hrs a day for all this time. I decided to taper down very slowly as I rushed a little in the past and have had to restart the original 50mg dosage. I cut the small 25mg tabs in 4 and started with 43.75mg for 2 months. There was no problem. Then I started on 37.50 for 2 months. There was no problem. Next I started on 31.25 for 2 months and there was no problem. About 1 month later which was 1 month ago and after feeling somewhat triumphant I started 25m. 3 weeks later as of just over 1 week ago my tinnitus has doubled in volume and my anxiety has increased which is also amplifying my OCD condition. Its difficult because its relentless but tolerable. I haven't seen any small window of abatement and this is what is a little scary. The question I ask is, what if this goes on for months or is even permanent? I also start thinking that maybe I could reinstate the extra 6.25mg which is where I felt stable at this last dosage for at least 2 months and then decrease by an even smaller amount like half of that? Ideally I would like to carry on the way I have been and hope that soon I shall see some improvement. Obviously there are no garuantees but how long should someone continue experiencing these side effects before making some type od decision one way or another. I understand that being on medication for 25 years and expecting no withdrawal symptoms when tapering off is a lot to ask for which is why I decided to taper off 25mg over 8 months. Unfortunately stressing about the side effect of anxiety probably perpetuates it but these thoughts come instinctively through years of experiencing them. I'm trying to stay aware of this. Hope you're all doing better, what a ride this is! Any thoughts you may have will be appreciated and I thank you in advance.
  21. Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - Pattypan: Benzo Taper when it's only PRN Hello, I am new here. I have a diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive DIsorder- I have had this for as long as I can remember. I was first medicated for it ( in my teens) 20+ years ago. I was on and off meds throughout my teens/20's. In 2015- I had an OCD "episode" that scared me to death and back on medications I went. After a few trial and errors I was stable on Lexapro for 4.5 years. I recently took myself down from 30mg to 20mg ( over the course of 1 week- yes- i had headaches, involuntary movements and brain zaps). As of yesterday I tapered to 15mg. I am feeling pretty bad today... and I understand I should be decreasing by 10% but for some reason that seems unreasonable to me.... ( in the past I have successfully tapered off of prozac, wellbutrin, celexa, zoloft and don't recall any of those being notable- I DO remember tapering off of Luvox was terrible) Any supplements or advice you may have to ease these taper symptoms? My goal is to be completely off of Lexapro in 1 month. Too soon? also- No i am not involving my doctors in this decision or this taper... I just don't trust that they know enough in regards to how to taper and they wont respect my decision to taper. Thanks in advance!
  22. Hi, I'm running out of what to read, who to ask and soon what to say. Ready for this? 1. I am consciously normal and functional 2. and only 2 I have a brain and body that is not cooperating. I feel guilty, or fake. When i'm at work and talking well - in my head I'm like "Who are you? You were never smart"... < probably my childhood echos > Once a major mistake occurred 6 years ago - I fell to the ground mentally - not able to let it go, no matter how many angles and closures I sought. 5 years this misery lasted to where I did get a human validation, but quickly was influenced into something else that made me question my "healing" - and now those 5 years of misery was much easier. To add to my pain - just months after ground 0, my Dad went to jail, my mom move in with me, my cat died weeks after that... Symptoms since: Head tension, Tinnitus, Neck tension, Dizziness, Anticipatory Anxiety, Feeling like I have a tumor in my head (pressure), Depersonalization moments / Derealization moments (Rare but terrible). Had a bout of agoraphobia. I think it's rooting in excessive guilt that I'm putting myself in mental prison. Now I lost my job in July and been on unemployment - and fearing getting a new one... not sure if I can mentally handle it. I feel total burnout. Medication History > After years of CBT - it was suggested I get on medication. Prozac - by day 22 I wanted to die (literally) but gladly i'm too afraid to and go off it when the Dr. kept pushing me to "Give it more time" Celexa & Paxil - gave me an intense panick attack. Paxil sent me to the hospital (One Pill did that) Zoloft & Lexapro - These numbed my brain, but I lost all emotions - that was my first de-realization and very scary Anafranil - this felt like someone poured mercury in my head - zips and zaps Buspar - These gave me brown outs of the brain Xanax - I put this last but I was on it for 6 years... it was great! BUT ... in time .25 didn't work, .5 gave me a hangover... 1mg wouldn't work if I was really scared - like going in an MRI Machine. When I tried to come off - my brain EXPLODED in Withdrawl. I tried many courses - as my DR just told me "stop it - it's ok"... That was when the Tinnitus and Pressure started (4/2016) along with the agoraphobia. I suffered through a water taper I came up with and it worked to a point and was too hard. My Dr. humored me giving me Valium to taper. It SORT of Worked but he gave me only 2 weeks and low dose. I pushed through and now I'm 9 weeks off (i did cheat on a 0.125 two weeks ago). Finally I'm trying St. John's Wort I followed an online suggestion ... but I did it wrong... by end of week 2 I got a massive Burnout feeling, brain buzzing and a STOP EVERYTHING cry in my sub-conscious mind... never had this happen. I dropped my cleaning tools and went to bed. I have not felt good since. I cut down to ONE 300 pill per day... but i'm all over the place. I now wonder if I even have a Serotonin issue? How do I know it's not an Acetylcholine issue? Or just a lack of GABA & Dopamine? (I took up a study of Neuro-Science among other medical classes... of course it's all theory) I'm just not happy, I can't play guitar or do anything I love... I don't care to eat. Thank you all for whatever input you have -Rob
  23. Hi All, I am new here, and I hope that the collective experience across the forum is helpful for my situation. I am currently 27 years old and have been on medication since I was 18 years old for depression, OCD, and IBS-Constipation (directly tied to when I feel more depressed). I have mostly been on SSRIs, which have been helpful with depression, OCD, and regulating my peristalsis.. Medication summary below: 2009-2012: Celexa (up to 40 mg) 2012-2013- Lexapro / Abilify 2014 - Clomipramine. Clomipramine + Abilify. Result: Realized higher doses of clomipramine caused too many side effects for me and could not tolerate it, even though it was helpful.Became tachycardic and other anticholinergic effects of combination led me and physician to revert back to SSRIs. 2015: Zoloft; Verdict: Made my IBS symptoms worse; depression and OCD better. However, due to increased diarrhea had to go off Zoloft. 2016: Due to gut that was made worse by Zoloft and doing very short-term trials of other SSRIs which also made my gut worse, I tried EMSAM (MAOI) for three months. Verdict: Did not help at all 2016 - 2017: Went back to Celexa (40 mg). Helped but felt it was not effective as back in 2009, even at maximal dosage. Eventually had relapse of depression in Summer 2017. Summer 2017: Tried course of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation after Celexa stopped working. Verdict: Did not help at all 2017-Present: 200 mg Luvox Verdict: In summer 2018, Luvox also stopped working and had relapse of depression. Summer 2018: I ended up going to homeopath in mid, which has been the most helpful thing to me so far. I have adopted the SCD diet, which has greatly helped my gut, and the remedies she has prescribed actually pulled me out of the depression I was in and made my OCD better, all while still on 200 mg The current situation is that I am still on 200 mg Luvox and with the homeopathy, my symptoms have greatly improved. Back in January 2019, I tried to go down on the Luvox, first to 175 mg (wait 2-3 weeks), then to 162.5 (wait 3 weeks), then to 150 mg (for about 5 weeks). It appears, that although I did not realize it at the time, my symptoms were getting worse, with more mood swings again, and my constipation was becoming more frequent. Most recently, I became completely non-functional and could barely get through one day. Just a few days ago I increased back up to 175 mg to see if I would feel better. So now I am in a predicament, as I really don't think the SSRIs are helping me much because 2 different ones have now pooped out on me in less than a year, but the homeopathy has allowed me to return to normalcy gradually. I am certainly still not far along in the homeopathy (only about a year), but I have definitely felt a difference. I thought I was ready to taper off the Luvox gradually, but clearly, given my relapse of depression and constipation, I maybe went too fast. I have read about the 10% rule, which I largely stuck to, but maybe I will have to go slower. Maybe I will use compounding next time around, maybe weighing out the pills. I do have some questions for the community. -Anybody have any thoughts on my experience or anything they experienced with Luvox? -Over the years of going up and down on SSRIs, I developed muscle twitching and a weird pain in the back left of my head, which I feel especially when my mood gets worse (as was the case recently when I lowered the dose of Luvox). Anyone experienced this / any tips on how to deal with these or what this could be? -I've only been on Luvox for about 16 months. However, I have been on SSRIs for a long time (about 10 years). Does that mean it can still take me forever to get off Luvox?
  24. Hi, I'm writing as the mother of a 21 year old son who was medicated throughout his childhood (age 6-18) for what his doctor described as the most severe case of OCD he had ever seen in a child that age. His life has always been difficult; before he was put on medication, his OCD was so severe he could barely leave the house, eat a meal, or even get dressed without major compulsions taking over. It was heartbreaking to watch, and I have to admit the medication did successfully manage his compulsions for many years. Unfortunately, he really started to degenerate by the age of 17, and the meltdowns he dealt with all his life became more frequent and more severe. The doctor told us the meltdowns were a symptom of OCD, and began to experiment with atypical antipsychotics. We finally took him to an intensive adolescent OCD clinic at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, where they put him on Geodon. It nearly killed him. Now he has been off of all medications for over 2 1/2 years, but of course we knew nothing and he was tapered off everything way too fast. He has been in withdrawal from one medication or another for over 3 years, and is quite disabled. His worst symptoms are inability to concentrate, depression, emotional numbness, sensory hypersensitivity, facial parasthesia, inability to deal with daily stressors, craffing (crying and laughing at the same time) and PGAD. The good news is that he no longer experiences OCD. About 3 years ago (before coming of Prozac), we eliminated gluten, dairy and corn from his diet, and within 10 days he started to sleep through the night for the first time in his life, have daily bowel movements, and a variety of tics he'd had for years vanished. He continued to have meltdowns and panic attacks until this last September when we went on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Now he's had only 2 small panic attacks in the past 8 months While my son really does not want to focus his own attention on his situation by reading posts on this website, I've been lurking here for quite a while now and have found a lot of guidance and support. I realize that we made many mistakes along the way, and I'm doing the best I can to not live in constant guilt. I would love to hear from others who have been medicated through childhood and were able to recover. I really need some hope.
  25. Hi Ginger, I was very encouraged by your experience with paxil recovery I saw on one of the threads. In January of this year I quit paxil cold turkey. I had been taking it for 24 months, the majority of it at 60 mg. I went through about a good two months of physical withdrawal symptoms. I thought I was in the clear after this but then I was hit by an episode of acute psychosis where I felt I was being stalked by someone. This went away and moved onto a fear of sollipsism "That the world is not real". I was originally taking the paxil for OCD. Now I worry that I have somehow permanently done something to my brain by going cold turkey. or that I have already lost my mind. Can you give me a little bit more detail about your experience or some advice to help me. I had to reinstate zoloft and also take ativan. Ginger's topic: Ginger: how I got here
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