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Moderator note: link to members-only benzo thread - Savinggrace: missed dose Hello, I have been following Surviving Antidepressants, off and on, for a few years but feel I must join now, as I could use some feedback. I have been poly-drugged for 15 years and on anti-depressants for 35 years. I am not sure how much I should write about how/why all this happened, but surely in the first decades, I just let it happen because I trusted my doctors and had no idea what I was setting myself up for. Since the internet made information so much easier to get, I have spent a lot of time learning about what these drugs have done to my brain, my body and and my life. I am joining this forum for two reasons...I am a person who has to taper extremely slowly. In fact, I just read a post of a man (2012) who planned to take 12 years to taper 25 mg. valium and I thought, "well, that sounds about right for me." On other forums, I have been almost laughed at when I admit how slow I have been, and must continue to taper. The other reason I like this forum is that it addresses the poly-drugging situation that so many of us have gotten ourselves into. This poly-drugging, in my opinion, has made everything so much more difficult. I guess there is a third reason, and that is that I have followed Rhiannon on BenzoBuddies and before that on a Yahoo group for years. She seems so rational, calm, and non-judgmental about all this. I have read many posts about not tapering from a place of feeling w/d symptoms. What if I said I have been in tolerance w/d (if that term is used here) for at least 14 years? I have not felt well, and in fact, have been quite sick all that time. About 6-7 years ago I got the courage, after tons of reading to start tapering. After making a 1 mg. cut (less than 10%) of valium, and suffering a near-seizure on the 5th day (that's what my doctor told me was happening and I believe him because 1 mg. valium relieved everything), I started tapering .5 mg/ month. (my signature will explain what happened before that) I did that for a few a year or so, but "hit the wall" so to speak, and tried .25 cuts (cut and suffer method). Very long story as short as possible, I only went from 17mg. down to 13 mg. before I was not able to cut any more and remain even remotely functional. A year or so ago, I decided if I couldn't cut valium, I would try another of my drugs. I have managed to taper 25% with small cuts and holds over a year, but again feel totally dysfunctional and unable to proceed. I think, at this point, up-dosing any of my drugs would require too big of an up-dose, and likely an unsuccessful one at that. I am holding now, but the reality is, I have many co-exisitng medical conditions, some caused by these drugs I suspect, and some not, that I really can't treat w/ meds as they interact with my psych meds and de-stabilize me immediately. I suffer a lot. I have no quality of life. I am 61. I can't go back; only forward. I am currently holding my trileptal cut to give my brain a rest. There is a lot more to share about myself but this was way too long already. How long should I hold? I feel like it will take quite some time before I feel like my brain has adjusted to this 25% cut. (done in 5-10 mg. increments, holding about a month w/ each cut) Here is my signature because I am not sure where to post it: Amitriptyline for 20 years and then remeron, 4 mg currently , ambien 10-15 mg. for 5 years and then updosed klonopin to get off ambien in 2011; klonopin 2 mg. for 10 years and then crossed over to valium 17.5 mg in 2010. 300 mg. trileptal for 13 years; tapered down to 225 in the last year. Holding on everything right now.

Seroquel Abillify Wellbutrin Prozac Lexapro Zoloft Paxil Buspar Hydroxyzine Trazedone Cymbalta Lamictal Propanolol Oxcarbazepine Prazosin Xanax Celexa Amitriptylin Ambien Mirtazapine Hi, 33/F Ive been on all of the above medicines at some point or another from 2002 to recently. I have stopped them all with no withdrawl issues..... except for something very strange has happened recently. Is this withdrawl? Current Meds: Prilosec (GERD), Lasix (IIH) , Lisinopril (BP) I was taking zoloft a couple months ago, and a bit after i started that, i started mirtazapine. I had Covid around this time too. It was very mild. Biggest symptoms were being a mucus fountain, sore throat, a little bit muscle weirdness, and weird headaches, including headaches WHILE sleeping. a couple weeks later my situation changed, im in a much better, happier place (unrelated to meds), so i stopped zoloft. (I have been on zoloft before and had no withdrawl symptoms). Not long after that, i had a weird depersonalization with my hands. Now, i am a very scientific person, i do not act based upon emotions as much as i can... I have no body dysphoria. I was riding in a car on a day i was kind of tired, didnt sleep much (hard night of minecraft), and all of a sudden my hands felt like they weren't my hands. If I'm on my phone texting, my brain just goes "HEY WHY ARE THOSE FINGERS MOVING? THOSE ARENT MINE. WOW!" and my brain is amazed that they are moving every 10 seconds. It's the most disturbing thing Ive ever felt. I don't feel it if I can't see my hands, so for example, if I'm texting In the dark or at my PC. This feeling primarily happens when texting on my phone. Wearing fingerless gloves dampens the effect slightly. I've been really upset over it, and I feel my back and arms be really tense and sore, which is normal for when I'm upset . The only Injuries to happen recently was I was cut by my washing machine, and my cat scratched me. No numbness or tingling at that time. I've been going to therapy since 2003, and have only ever been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so I am not insane. I have not gone through anything traumatic recently. If anything, I've been having a really good time this month, for the first time in years. Fearing it could be the mertazpine, i stopped it. about a week later, i started sweating profusely at night. drenched. No nightmares. no anxiety. just DRENCHED. a few days after i started to get drenched every night, i woke up SOAKING wet one day, my spine started feeling cold and numb and i had a panic attack. My muscles didnt work, it was as if i were drunk. my head was fuzzy and confused, and i stumbled BARELY into the bathtub. I managed to get into the bathtub, still clothed, and into hot water. I felt a little better, still confused. arms and spine still feel a bit weird,. I went to the ER for the first time in my life. They found nothing wrong. EKG, Chest Xray, Blood work, pee test, and they gave me an IV for hydration. while im glad its nothing seriously wrong (i guess), i am still freaked out by waking up drenched. I still get really upset being cold by being drenched. My arms and hands feel very twitchy. sometimes my legs. I had some mild tingly-ness in my fingertips for a couple days, but thats gone now. It feels the more days go on, the more twitchy i get, and IDK if its med withdrawl from mertazepine, since i only took it for a month. I LOVED the med. i slept really good and had AWESOME dreams.... I have an appt with my general dr on the 30th, but im afraid theyre going to tell me more of "we dont know whats wrong" Feeling twitchy and cold and fuzzy and panicy all the time is absolutely ruining this change in my life that is the happiest ive been in a long time. I am just -so scared-. Also for the record, i keep my house around 70F, so i dont get hot or cold due to environmental factors. I do not get hot or sweat while i am awake. I do not feel hot at night. I seem to feel a bit better as time goes on throughout the day, and im scared to sleep because i know im going to be drenched and panicing. The only thing that has seemed to have improved, is i dont know if i just got used to it or what, but when texting, i dont get a lot of the "My hands arent mine" feeling anymore. but my arms and hands still FEEL physically weird being twitchy. Im holding myself tight and having soreness in my shoulders... I am well aware that i should not be stopping meds cold turkey, but i have never had a problem before this, so i am curious if it could be the issue? Medicine withdrawl? tetanus from my washing machine? Cat scratch fever? Am i finally going crazy? I am scared. what do you all think?>

Original topic title before reducing the length of it: I cold turkey’d too many things, the worst being Celexa, due to misdiagnosis and emotional blunting. I’m struggling. Let me preface this by saying I have had unstable mental health as far back as I can remember. I was an anxious and depressed child. I used to SH as a teenager and was put on Paxil, but I hated it and quit after a couple months. I did not use medication for any mental health reasons for at least 10 years after that. I have been told I’m bipolar by people close to me, and I think doctors eat that up and once you’re branded bipolar, that’s your identity. But that’s neither here nor there; the main takeaway from that is I was put on several different medications and hated the way I felt on all of them. My first return to psych meds was in the summer of 2015 with a diagnosis of GAD which turned into GAD and bipolar 2. I was put on Celexa 20mg. It was pretty good for a while. I was then put on Lamictal 150mg and took both, but the Lamictal made me feel like a zombie so I didn’t take that long. I kept up with the Celexa. After my gastric bypass surgery, the Celexa didn’t work as well. I was then bumped to 40mg and that’s where I stayed. I was starting to feel severely depressed, emotionally numb, and had anxiety creep back in so I was put on Wellbutrin 300mg and buspar 15mg on top of the Celexa. I took this combo for maybe a year but I was horribly noncompliant for the most part and it never really did much for me. I CT’d the buspar and Wellbutrin. I was to a point (and still am) where laughing felt like a chore. Crying is almost non existent unless it is a major sad event (death). Interest in things and smiling are difficult to come by. The only emotion I felt was rage. I was either apathetic or enraged. That’s when I was given the ultimatum to treat my bipolar disorder, as I was often verbally abusive to my SO and would have meltdowns. Jesus this is embarrassing. I finally gave in and started seeing a psych through telehealth. Big mistake, told them about my previous dx. That was enough to not even evaluate me, and I was started on some antipsychotics in addition to the Celexa. This was the beginning of a long spiral of multiple medications that ended with Latuda that made me so depressed I cried constantly. There was no tapering involved really, maybe just a two week period of dropping while introducing something else. I went through Abilify, Trileptal, Latuda, Abilify again, and Lamictal. My brain felt so fried at this point I said I’m done, and stopped taking everything except my Celexa. After stopping all of these meds I was so far depressed and anhedonic I decided I was done taking everything and needed a brain reset. I ended up taking 10mg Celexa a few weeks and then dropped to nothing after 6.5 years. After reading this forum, I realized this was probably one of my big mistakes. Now not only did I have severe mood disturbances, I felt physically sick. The physical symptoms went away after a few weeks. The last time I took Celexa was at the end of February this year. Now I am dealing with a whole host of other issues. It turns out I’m not bipolar, I have ADHD. Again, not knowing any better that I shouldn’t take anything that alters my brain, I’ve been on stimulants and back to Wellbutrin. NOTHING is helping. The anhedonia and apathy are killing me. I feel no emotion towards anyone. I am not interested in anything. Every moment is painful. ADHD meds are doing nothing for me. I guess I am looking for support. Advice. Anything. Something that tells me my brain damage isn’t permanent. Something that tells me I will feel emotions again, that I won’t think my favorite past times are a waste of time, that I will feel love towards my SO and family again. I felt emotional blunting with Celexa, but nothing like this. I don’t know what to do, and my doctor is useless when it comes to this.

So far it's been a month since I came off of my antipsycotic, I was only taking a .5mg which is a very low dosage but I have been on these 2 prescriptions for 4 years . I was taking 1/2 of a 300 mg tablet of a mood stabilizer. I came off the mood stabilizer 4 days ago . Even though my dosages were very small i have still been experiencing withdrawals from being off. When I came off the antipsycotics I experience anxiety, worry , stress that just came without even thinking on anything stressful, light nausea, light diarrhea, light muscle aches, light flu like symptom such as congestion and sneezing, I also experienced an extreme seizure one time only and it happened at night before bed, I faced a lot of moments when my mind became zoned out, and for this I limited my driving, I experienced a lot of twitches and tremors also and fatigue , only one time i can rememver when my fatigue was so bad it felt like i had been run over by a bus .I would have symptoms during the day but not like I would at night. Most of my symptoms always happened at night. At night I would feel restless tossing and turning all night. The reason why I decided to come off of my prescription meds is because In August of 2020 I started experiencing psuedoinsomnia. Psuedoinsomnia is a type of wakeful sleeping, you're body goes to sleep but your mind is still awake, and the moment you get up in the morning you don't feel sleepy or fatigued at all , your brain just never shuts down. I also came off the meds because I realized that I lost my urges for sleep , not only was I having psuedoinsomnia but I never had the urge to go to sleep neither did I ever feel tired or anything during the day I never felt calm , when I closed my eyes during the day or night to meditate and deep breathe I never felt myself go into a calm state it's like my mind was up all day and night and it made me feel a little crazy that I couldn't even feel calmness , I tried calming tincture that I had been using for years before having these issues and couldn't feel the effect of calmness at all. whenever I laid down to get rest it was around the same time every night. Even though I didn't get the urge for bedtime I knew when it was time to rest and I would just get in bed and keep my eyes closed all night even though I was awake and could hear everything that was going on around me. Since I have come off the antipsycotics my urges for sleep have returned unto me but for some reason my mind will not shut down and go into deep sleep like it was created to do . 4 days ago when I came off the mood stabilizer I noticed my ability to enter a calm state of mind and body return within just even a day of coming off of it also when I take my calming herbal tincture sometime I can feel it take affect on my mind. I also noticed myself go to sleep 2-3 times . I went to sleep but I could tell that it's still not a normal satisfactory type of sleep .. I didn't even know I was sleep and didn't feel refreshed yet i didn't feel fatigued either and it sure didnt make me feel crazy knowing i my mind was up all night. I'll give it more time, it's only been 4 days but definitely some improvements. I also noticed that the moment I came off the stabilizer that I no longer had suicidal thought or wanted to die. At night my body feels like it's screaming for these drugs , and once you come off you can definitely feel it. You get so used to that calm feeling that you begin to crave for it again . But right now always at night my body has a burning sensation , aches in my hands and extremities, sometimes I don't even try to sleep I just sit in bed and rock back and forth rubbing arms and legs like im an addict . Also since coming off these meds I can feel like a chemical coming out of my eyes and nose from time to time when I breath and I'm always rubbing my eyes and squinching them . This morning I had some mood swings , I was just angry for no reason , but I know it's because I'm no longer taking the mood stabilizer. The doctor put me on these meds for anxiety. There was a thought that got stuck in my head and it scared the living day lights out of me I went around for months with this thought playing in my head like a tape recorder non stop stressing me out leaving me in a tremendous amount of fear. I thought I was gonna lose my soul. But I am no longer scared of this thought anymore because it's not real. This is another reason why I wanted to taper off my meds is because I began to feel very good and like I could breathe and be myself once my doctor lowered my dosage, I want to feel normal and regulate things the way I should and it didn't feel like ibcould do that on those meds , my mind was always blank, no good thought or bad thoughts going through my mind just straight blank all the time, and that affected my social life and made me very less expressive like a zombie.

I am having terrible time getting off Olanzapine I first did with Clonazepam, I've managed to reduce from 40mg to 0 but I have total insomnia, sleeping just 0-2 hours of very vivid dreams. I believe there are people on this forum in the same situation. This has gone on for months now. I used to use Olanzapine I have total anhedonia, complete lack of creativity, imagination memories, motivation, severe aphasia, can't express myself, one drug that helped this was Oxcarbazepine, but however when I took another dose of Olanzapine the effect went away completely and didn't return from it.

Hi everyone, My shrink recently did not get my Lamotrigine refill to me on time, so I was forced to suddenly stop taking it for 6 days. It messed me up a bit, but not too much. I decided I was going to begin tapering off the Sertraline and Lamotrigine (all info in signature). More recently, she did not get my Diazepam refill to me on time, so I was again forced to go cold turkey, but this time on a benzo. After feeling like total crap for the first 2 days or so, I began to feel better, so I decided to continue the cold turkey of the diazepam. i am 6 days in and the severity and number of withdrawal symptoms are growing. I want to continue and be done with it. It's awful, but not unbearable. Hopefully it won't get to that. I understand that Diazepam (Valium) has a long elimination half-life and that the worse may be yet to come seeing that the w/d peak at about 2 weeks. Still, i want to keep going. I am at a place in my life where I am able to stay home, and ride it out. I know i need a new shrink and i should be doing this under medical supervision. I know this was probably not the most ideal decision. However, it is what it is. I wanted to begin tapering down anyway since my sleeping had stabilized for long enough and this was supported by my therapist (psychologist), but since the 2 "hiccups" with the shrink (total negligence, really) I decided I would bite the bullet and take the plunge with all my meds. I am fully aware that you guys are not medical professionals. I came here to get some support and advice, and to hear your thoughts and experiences to help me get through this. Real stories from real people are so much more valuable than a medical professional's opinion, who very likely has no idea what we're going through. I know going cold turkey is not recommended but what's done is done. For the record the meds are Sertraline (Zoloft SSRI), Lamotrigine (Lamictal - mood stabilizer), Oxcarbazepine (Trilpetal - anticonvulsant) and Diazepam (Valium - benzodiazepine). Thank you

I've been going through AD withdrawals now for going on 3 years, and I've recently turned a corner and began noticing very noticeable improvements since last August. I'm soOoo thankful for that! I've told everyone that will listen how much of a nightmare this has been and how I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Well, now my 11 year old niece is going through a nightmare of her own. She was taking Evekeo (a stimulant ADHD med) for about 3 years until the Dr. switched her over to a "non-habit" forming adhd med, and then back to a different stimulant adhd med and then stopped all together. They started switching up her meds around last July-August, and booM! She started exhibiting different symptoms of withdrawal. At the time, I had no idea that stimulant ADHD meds could cause withdrawals so we thought she was just going through pre-teen phases. But her behavior starting changing, and then she started having hallucinations and delusions. Hearing voices, seeing "shadow people...very scary stuff for an 11 year old. I know this is an antidepressant forum, but I was wondering if anyone here has experience with ADHD withdrawals, or if someone could point me to a message board similar to this one? She has started cutting herself and has had suicidal thoughts. I believe she is having delusions of incidences happening in the home that she has reported to the school counselor. So, now dfcs is involved and has required her to see a psychiatrist at "their" hospital. They are now prescribing her Risperdal and Trileptal. One is for treating bipolar disorder and the other is for seizures. Prior to stopping her ADHD medicine, she never exhibited signs of any mental health issues. Just ADHD. They recently tried a bipolar med for 2 weeks last month and took her off since it did not help. They have not officially diagnosed her as bipolar and she's never had a seizure, but the physicians assistant decided to prescribe and treat her anyway for these things. If they dont do what the Dr. tells them, dfcs steps in and will try to intervene and possibly remove her from her home. I know without a doubt this is adhd stimulant withdrawals, so it's easy to assume that it's just like SSRI withdrawals...but I am not educated enough on it. My sister (her mom) has been grasping at straws trying to figure out what's going on, and in my gut I had a feeling what it was. I came across something with a little more information on it (the above link), and I believe I finally have her convinced that her daughter isn't sick...she's just going through pretty much exactly what I've been going through, minus the hallucinations and delusions. Sorry that was long! Any ideas on where to go from here? Is this also a wait and heal type of thing? I told her they need to take her off those new meds immediately, but it's a sticky situation. We all feel completely helpless. I absolutely feel that I HAVE to speak for her on her behalf and protect her from the white coats before they make things worse. They are already trying to treat symptoms instead of doing their due diligence and ask the right questions. It's all right under their noses, I just cant believe they are this naive about withdrawals. Thanks in advance for any help!