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  1. Hi, I've been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks since 2004. I would experience them each time when my relationship would become more and more serious. Eventually I went to see my doctor who prescribed me Lexapro ( here in Europe is Cipralex ). I was put on 10mg. I managed my problems with being on and off till end of 2015 when I decided to quit cause I started to be more and more dizzy. But that time, I see that now, was the worst possible time for me to quit , cause I was starting new business and was under extreme pressure and stress level was at highest possible. And I experienced massive and really horrific nervous breakdown and complete burnout on June 1st 2016. I will never forget that date. I went back on Lexapro but it was so tough that I had to take Xanax along so I could get back on Lexapro. Starting side effects were so intense ; panic attacks and anxiety that I couldn't manage it otherwise. I've been on benzos almost three months. Cause Lexapro 20mg didn't have any effect my doctor put me on Paxil 40mg. In time it got better , but to be honest It never was as ''normal'' as before. I just become a ''zombie'' with no feelings for anything going on around me; and still from time to time there would be episodes of anxiety. So this year I said to myself lets get down from pills and get my life back. And I planned to do it slowly and wisely. First tapper was in February from Paxil 40mg to 35mg. All went well. Than march 35mg to 30mg, also all was fine. Then my new psychiatrist said I can go to 20mg, that there will be no problem. So I did it in the end of June this year. First month all was fine, but after that hell started. I started to experience all possible symptoms, extreme intolerence to people, nervousness, extreme dizziness, chest pain which almost crippled me ( I had the same when starting paxil ). Then it got worse , I experienced what I now know are brain zaps, feeling of depersonalization, anxiety. Its strange that all emerged only after almost two months of this too big reduction ; at this point I have to mention that for me ,effects of pills needed almost two months to feel any kind of improvement. This week I started to have this strange feeling to fall asleep, is this also WD? My question is, when does this subside? I'm planning to wait now for another reduction till march 2020? Is this smart? I could help myself in tough moments with benzos, but i don't wanna mess my head even more. I was also very much shocked when my psychiatrist said she does not know of any major problems when lowering Paxil. That some patients stop cold turkey even from 40mg Paxil to zero?!? Will be happy to get any answers, please…. Im taking B12 and magnesium. Should I add something else?
  2. Hello, I have been on Ssris for the past ten years, different doses and different meds. I started on lexapro 20 mg when I was 18 and get great for years. When I hit 22 I started lowering my meds due to side effects and simply being uncomfortable being on meds. I got down to about 10 mgs and stayed there for a while. 2 years ago I did a fast taper and got down to 5 mgs way too fast. I experienced withdrawal really bad without knowing what it was and thought I was relapsing on anxiety/depression. For a year I messed around trying to find the right med and trying to find the right combo. I now realize meds were a problem all along and all I want is to feel normal and be off of them. I also realize I’m going through withdrawal and have to be patient. Ok, time to backtrack. Eventually I decided to go on paxil about a year ago after trying a slew of other Ssris. The reason being that my dad takes it and I thought it would help me out. Bad idea. I quickly got up to 37.5 mg in only about 4 months bc it didn’t seem to be helping. After this, I decided meds weren’t the answer and started dropping my dose, not knowing the correct method or pace. My first drop was to 25 mg controlled release and it was horrific. I decided to wait for a while before making and other drops. About 5 months. Back in may of this year I dropped again to 20 mgs regular release. I’ve been experience protracted withdrawal for almost 4 months now from that drop. Things seem to gradually be improving, but I just hit another bad wave and am looking for advice/support. Also, I’ve been on different doses of Ssris for a long time. Since I was 18 and I’m 28 now. I’m thinking about jsut holding head until I feel good before tapering the correct way. I just don’t know how long I should wait, or when it’s time to start again. Any help is very much appreciated. Thanks!!
  3. Moderator note: link to benzo forum thread - Miko789: Xanax withdrawal/tapering Hi, I'm new to the forum, I have some questions I want to ask. My doctor prescribed effexor for depression, in 2009. Now I'm free of symptoms and I managed to come off with withdrawal symptoms though. That's with the antidepressant. Now I'm on Risperdal consta from November 2013 and seroxat 10mg. My doctor prescribed with risperdal consta 3,3mg/day long acting injection every two weeks. From February 2015 he lowered the dosage to 25mg/every 2 weeks equals 1,66mg/day. I tried to lower the seroxat 10mg but after 40-45h I have withdrawal symptoms vertigo, dizziness. Is it possible to cut down seroxat? How about the Risperdal consta (long acting injection). Has anyone tapered off completely without withdrawals? I read about the 10% harm reduction procedure to taper off and I'm going to tell my doctor and follow. thanks in advance
  4. It’s my first time posting so hello to everyone . I’m so glad I stumbled on this site I’ve been so scared not knowing what was going on with me . ill try and make this as short as I can . In August of 2018 I hit what I believe to be called poop out (reaching tolerance) from taking seroxat for 15 years straight . Anxiety started to creep into my days even though I was on 20mg and hadn’t had problems only minor in the past . A visit to the dr led to him increasing my dosage to 30mg. I didn’t feel happy about this and decreased back down within 3 weeks. I knew for me the answer was to taper off. In November 2018 i went to see a psychiatrist for advice on tapering as my dr hadn’t got a clue (too long to go into) . She said to drop 5mg see how I went for 4 weeks before dropping again . This seemed to go ok . In December 2018 she said to drop another 5mg again I felt ok. Don’t get my wrong I had lots of weird symptoms with some depression and anxiety but didn’t feel too bad I put this down to the 50mg of pregabalin she said I should take three times daily (prescribed in November ) . I take twice daily on the advice of my dr. In January she said to decrease by 2.5 mg which I have done. I am now taking 7.5mg daily . From reading things on this site I now know I am tapering tooooooo quickly and my body is now telling me this too as my symptoms are more pronounced and the depression is really setting in. I don’t know what to do for the best and was hoping for some advice here. Do I stay put and wait to get stable though I have read somewhere on this site that it can take up to 18 months to start to stabilise after poop out. Or do I increase tiny amounts until I feel able to cope better with the symptoms? I am still working every day . my thoughts before finding this site were that I needed to get off seroxat because it had started to make me feel so much worse and that by keep taking it I’m poisoning my body and it will never head towards homeostasis while I’m still taking it no matter what dose. I would be so grateful for any advice .
  5. I’m new here and am very happy to have found this resource. I have been on 20mg Paxil for 16 years. I failed at tapering about 8 years ago....did it the way my doctor suggested and crashed three months out. I am scared to stay on it forever, that it will poop out and I will be in a bad spot. So I got the liquid form and started, what I thought was, a slow taper. Also of note, is that the liquid is name brand and I always took generic. I made the mistake of cutting my dose by 25%...so a full dose would be 10ml, I took 7.5. I did this for a month and felt fine. Then I cut by another ml. A week after that, WD hit. I quickly upsized to 9 ml (a 10% cut of my original dose. Mostly nausea for the first 2 1/2 weeks, which was very distressing to me. Thankfully, that faded. Thst’s when the anxiety hit. It is worst in the mornings but sometimes persists in the evenings too. I’m 6 weeks out from the upside right now. I have waves and windows. I’m currently in a wave. Trying to accept where I’m at and what I feel. I worry that even a slow taper will be too hard for me. And I worry that I won’t stabilize at this dose. Thank you for any wisdom you can share with me.
  6. I stopped using Paxil someone abruptly back in March. By April I began to suffer from discontinuation symptoms however not one doctor told me to start taking Paxil again. At one point I even asked if my symptoms could be from the fact that I stopped taking axle and I was told no. There was a lot of ignorance on my part for thinking that the quick taper I did would be enough however it's how I stop years ago and how they had me stop my son years ago . I have not taken Paxil for months and have developed a sensitivity to all medications. Things I took in the past with no problem now have a terrible effect on me. Less than a month ago I tried taking 30 mg of Cymbalta which caused in credible stomach pain brains apps and severe pain and pressure in my right eye. I only took 30 mg for two days and had this reaction. About 2 1/2 yrs ago I was taking 120mg a day. At this point I am trying to get the liquid paxil approved by my insurance company, but to be honest I am not sure if it will help or hinder or help me. Not to mention I'm not particularly thrilled about putting that poison back in my body. I was wondering if anyone else could advise me One what would be the best thing for me to do at this point. I cannot even find a Doctor Who will admit my symptoms are from discontinuation syndrome O and try and help me be able to function again like a normal person. If anyone has been in a similar situation or know of others who have and could advise me it would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you, Antionette
  7. I want to share my heart out,I want to share my life. I lived 31 yrs of life. the life of sadness,hurt,betrayal,getting used,unrequited love, Dream which gets shattered,Health which got lost,Financed which ruined,Engagement which break twice,Got fired from the job which I love.hope which I got lost in all these but just little remains… May be I am not a very strong guy, or below things are very little for other people but for me it really shattered me with the brain I have.I want to write here because of two reasons:- Please bear with my bad English. To get words of support. Others may learn something from this. Birth(Dec 1987):- Bully(15yrs) I was a silent kid,deeply introverted.afraid to go out and dominate the world.Never in my life I had more than 2 or 3 friends.Never associated with any groups anywhere.Because of my silent nature and understanding of the world differently relatives and neighbors thinks that I am not of sound mind and they normally called me “sirri” (a word which describe a person as stupid with no mind”).Even my family used to call me the same, this has impacted my childish mind deeply and my confidence sank to earth every time someone called me that.though I was good in studies but not very vocal and someone who bully others just because other one is not dominatable nature. I hate these types of person even up until now.and I also choose very very carefully to whom I can open. these things keep going on till I turn around 15 or in 10th standard. and that was really a sad time.but I forgot and moved on. My teenage love(8 yrs) Its starts in early stages when hormones change occurs. My first Love.real,pure,deep,full of emotions.absolutely overwhelming.till date I have not forget those days. she was in my class sat next to my desk. I fall in love or whatever you will say infatuation. she belongs to other community. I knew marriage is not possible. I never tried to approach or propose.I knew even if I propose she will not accept.I was not handsome or a topper or may be I was insecure.I loved her deeply . Did many things those times of school like pick some flowers on my way to school and put it in her desk,looking at her whole time during school,wrote a diary, wrote some poetry also for her.cried every other day at home that I will not have her in my life.I also did those stupid thing of writing the name of your beloved from blood in your diary.lol. one incident I remember one day our teacher asked us to perform some activities, every student performed something like dance or cracked a joke. when my turn came I sang a song ”yai zamin ruk jaaye aasma jhuk jaaye tera chahra jab nazar aaye” by looking in to her eyes directly without any fear , in front of whole class and also a teacher.there are many many memories of such type.I never had a problem because I never insist her for anything. everybody knows that I loved her so much whenever anyone asked me I accepts wholeheartedly yes. she knows it. the way she looked towards me I still remember. I remember the day of parting also . it was day of 10th class last day when I got the news that she will about to leave school permanently,I become extremely sad and I know anyhow I have to bear this pain of loosing someone so close and to look at her become a daily oxygen to me. I was in deep pain. that day I thought to tell her my feelings by my own. she used to go to home through same bus stand from which I go.every day. that day I waited at stand for about 3 hrs because she was enjoying with her friends, I was desperate that today I ll tell her my feelings as after this day I will never see her. I saw her coming. she saw me from a distance and she sensed also about things. I come directly in front of her and said that I wanted to say something to you which you already know all these years.she asked me to say it.I uttered those three words.she listened and asked me if anything more I wanted to say I replied No.she left in a bus. I stayed there dont know how much longer, felt like dead. then came back home.and cried hell.my sisters consoled me so much. I couldnt did anything. so I tried to save this as a sweet memory in my heart.later when I went in college then I got toknow that she took admission in Dental school, I got her number some how and from my college far away from home I called her at every festival of her and her birthday continiously 4 yrs . then she become dentist and I got the news that she is getting married.to one of my other class mate. I became habitual about this. acceptance was there.those were the days of orkut, I dont know how many of you young guys know about orkut. its like first social media site in India those days. later I saw her some times on facebook and now she is living happily with her husband and a daughter. I left her there and locked her there in my heart to never open it up.and got busy in another things. Science and engineering(3yrs) Once I passed 10th and she left me then I have so much anger and resentment that I put all these on studies.I was a below average student got just 60% in 10th and ours was a govt school, that time I cant write or speak a single sentence in English.but somehow as all good students left the school so I got the admission in science section in 2004, there were 34 students, I studied very hard and came first that year only 8 students passed. in the next year also I did so much hard work and came first in my Class Editori was not that I got very good marks but the resources and kind of teachers I have in my govt school I did my best and came first in 12th also with 70% marks. I was so much fearful of science but my mother who was always there for me encouraged me that I can do it so I did passed it.in those 2 years i knew nothing about anything except studies I used to have one FM radio in my room some songs I hear every day like “love guru on radio city 91.1” if any of you remember.then after 12th was another struggle for career.Didnt know what to choose for further studies.I wanted to go to army.gave NDA also didnt passed.a friend came and suggest me to do coaching for engineering.I liked the idea it was the year 2006. I joined a reputed coaching in Delhi.studied day and night to pass the entrance.sometimes I got so much confident that I will do it sometimes i got frustrated.it was too much of studies for an avg student.year gone hopes begin. gave all engineering entrance examintation of delhi state and national level. like aieee and iit’s results came , didnt get selected in any one of them , got so much disheartened. you can understand how bad I was I got rank 131000 in AIEEE and for IIT I failed, DCE got 8000 rank.so no admission in any of these college. I gave uptu exam also and there I got 32953 rank and i got a change for counselling.Unfortunately there I made a blunder and even I was getting so many college in NCR Delhi region I put some college in sitapur in UP as my second choice because i foolishly thought that that were a govt college.and here begins a 4 year trauma of living in almost hell. Hostel life living away from parents If you read this far you must have understood what kind of a guy I am, so living away from parents and from New Delhi to a town of UP and college hosted in jungle and mostly the kind of people I interacted there.it was really not good. I was very much dishearted but being from a middle class family with so much of a hope from parents that my son will one day earn well and take us away from this life of hardship.I continued the battle and didnt drop out even if I wanted badly.there was not a single day in these 4 yrs when I didnt talked to my mother back home at every evening, I dont know how many times I cried that Its very very difficult to live without you guys.(tears just come to my eyes by just remembering those bad days.)Thank god he gave me one friend and a room partner with whom I was able to pass that worst time. I marked 8 lines in my diary and after every semester I crossed those one mark to able to see how much of it left to go back home. that was the best day when I was coming back last time and my family was very happy that there son became an Engineer, one more thing we with my friend decided that we will not have any affair or relationship and will directly marry. so no girlfriend type of a thing there also.Few attractions were there but I killed them and not regretting about that. Fear of studies and homesickness,Masturbation and Pornography,Falling into depression(11 yrs) This hit me bad when I was in 2nd year of age of 22yrs. I got very afraid that I cant continue in this engineering thing as this is very tough and even If I pass the exams still I will not able to do the real engineering job as this required so much brain I keep telling this to my parents and my father keep encouraged me that initially things looks tough but slowly it will get better.so I decided that whatever happen I will definately achieve this degree.I had so much pressure of homesickness(its that much you can understand that after coming back home in 2011 I have not left my hometown Delhi ), Pornography was there in college its normal thing even now I know.and I was not into these things that much. but I got addicted to masturbation like once in a week and pornography also. and I certainly believe that this masturbation and porn habit though it was not that much as with other people. it give me one of the deadliest disease which i cant even explain to you, whoever young among you is reading this I am warning you and pleading you, please leave these two devils completely out of your life else it will ruin you.this thing weakens my brain in 3rd semester i have got started rigorous hairfall,weakness of body and mind, but that time i was not able to understand because I got my body strength back in 2 days. for my mind it was normal but in reality this habit of masturbation causing deep harm to my body. which i was not able to control despite all my efforts.so in 2008 when I came back to delhi i got hit by mental illness there were symptoms severe headache, confusion,lost focus, memory issue, unable to take decisions and many more. this goes heightened also because i stuck in one more thing which is killing me, what is the true path of life,why so many religions and God and I wanted to know the truth I studied various religious scriptures also and I got so much feared that I cant die without knowing the truth.and I cant follow my parents religion without knowing for sure that it is correct or not.unfortunately I had to to a psychiatrist and here begins a trauma which is still going on they gave me that magic pill. a medications which can sort my mind out. I ,a young lad, trusted the doctors that yeah they are right in whatever they prescribe and in last 2 years of my studies this doctor gave me 7 different kind of antidepressents which numbed me actually. when I came back from college then I went to govt hospital in Delhi to a psychiatrist and he there stops all the medication and said that all this was not necessary and I was misdiagnosed, there I started with a small medication of just 10mg trusted this doctor and no doubt it helped me so much but over the years when i was stable in about 2014 i wanted to stop but my parents does not want me to stop and even my doctor. and I knew that this medication slowly killing me frm inside those who never use antidepressents can never understand what I am saying, just think that this tablet create a numbing effect on you or take away all your real emotions it makes you a zombie. and give you heightened emotions sometimes when not required also it hurt me so badly I cant even explain you some incident :- in one of my early interview I was crying sitting on footpath with fear that how will i be able to live this hard life.how will people earn.when I enter the room interviewer gave me a glass of water and ask me to come back after a month and dont panic. I was in so mch pressure of getting a job after my degree and it was tough. I got selected in one IT recruitment company and on third day i got so much un restless and fearful without any reason that i left my desk went to manager cabin locked my self inside and lie down on floor and slept and after 2 hrs manager open the door from different key and from next day they didnt picked me up for a job. Crying in washrooms is extremely common whenever my boss scold me or anybody hurts me.up until now.i never told anybody in my office that i am suffering from some brain disease else they will fire me I know. many more incident like this in my life. Searching for job after passing from tier 3 college and work till now(since 2011) this is a common story of many many guys of my type. Funny thing was that I didnt knew how to search a job and what a job is all about and how to plan a career , I knew nothing, first six month after completing a degree I left everything and just rested because I got exhausted and most probably this was a blunder. I was started searching a job and joined one of my friend in his company as Recruiter. after six month i got introduced by one of my relative of govt job and I shifted my focus in govt job preparation because the relative made a pressure on me to have a govt job cos he selected me for his girl.this i wll tell in next section in detail.then I joined a part time job in a call center because i was in another trauma as my first engagement broke and I didnt knew what to do ahead as one year already passed. so I worked there 14 months in just 4k rs pm. then I left to work in noida and good company call center and got ok amount 17500 pm worked there also 14 months till 2015 and then I was totally unsured what to do now, so I was getting promoted to quality manager there but after a degree that is not what I wanted to do so i decided that I will do a job in software anyhow.and after that I will decide further.so I left that job also and join another company in 20k pm worked there 6 months gathered all money then left and join one training institute in Noida and get my self trained there for 6 months and then gave interviews in IT companies as a fresher i had a 6 years gap. i got rejected by 11 companies and 12 one selected me. there I worked 2+ years. they have exploited me to the core and I was so much naive that I didnt understand that.I was a java guy and they asked me to learn .net so it was a do or die for me they gave only 3000 pm for training for first 4 months. i had my savings i never mind I wanted to learn . but i think now I stuck in wrong company . they trained me in .net then gave me a project of devops . i introduced devops by learning all by myself from internet whatever I can.created automatic infrastructure the best way I can alone. then they asked me to learn android then angular then big data omg it was overwhelming.I made one app backend its still live on playstore. and maintain many other . despite having my depression and other problems taking tool on my mental health. from last year oct 2018 many incident happened back to back that i asked my manager and ceo to give me off for a month they denied then i told them about my depression and they asked me to leave saying i am not able to work.they indireclty fired me in feb 2019. since then Its been 8 months i am at home. Engagement and breakup This was really tough when I came back in 2011 from college I went to one of my relative who is asst engg. in Delhi govt for guidance and help and he chose me for his daughter . I was on cloud nine . very happy . new graduate , got engaged to a beautiful girl , she is a lawyer. we fall in love. or I am wrong actually I fall in love. girls dont fall in love may be its very easy for them to move on . we got engaged for one year and as I told you earlier her father wish me to live as he asked me , he keeps me lecture every time.i got frustrated. I got a bit religious and the girl said to her father that he cant live with a religious type boy, I told her that now we are engaged dont do this , you will live the way you want to. but she got adamant and her father also.and said I become conservative and girls wants a handsome boys. i was just become simple nothing else. like simplest dresses , she doesnt like the way I dress. she asked me to change this or she will not live with me , I told her father that your daughter cant be happy with me why are you doing this to her. please stop. they dont want to stop but they want to change me , few things she said to me after a year of engagement which i still remember that , I ll have a dark future with you, why you come to my father for a job, I cant live the life of restrictions until this time I got so attached to her but I cant compromise on the way of life i am living.so I have to leave her . it was a big thing for all family and mostly on me because i was alone in this decision and my family is not in my support that time. they used to say “shadi karlo baad me jese marzi rahna who will say anything.” this breakup also shattered me , I have to move on I started a job in a call center parttime. Life in a call centre(2.5yrs) I think every graduate should work in call center for six month and not more than that. what I will write here about that it was also working hell.lol.every minute is counting 3 comapnies of call center I worked all same.they count every minute you go to washroom, toilet, outside, and thats also every day. its like work is not more on some day or less on some day. it s that work is there always.and its simply sucks.its only for high energy young people , it enhances your communication and stress management,more then six month is not good. Leaving the job and preparing for it after 6 years This was a big decision as I told you. I took it and succeeded. after a gap of six years and working hell of call center I think that now is the time that I have to move on to my job. and I took the chance. I started learning programing from for loop and learned 6 months all basic and algorithms, linked list and what not. Getting my first IT job as a associate software engineer(2+yrs) That was one of the happiest day of my life that I deserve my degree to some extent at least as out of 8 candidates that day I was the only one that was able to solve the programming problem and get selected.such a happy day it was. Rigorous learning again(2yrs) for 2 years I learned so much things, .net upto mvc. front end, devops, some big data,api, etc etc etc.. Emotional affair with married woman and heartbreak This I cant tell you what it did to me .its long story if you want to read I asked the question related to same on quora last year, that time idint knew that much worst ahead read link https://justpaste.it/41enq she broke me 70% almost. but good thing was I knew I am wrong in that just this one thing gives me strength to come out of this. Getting fired from my job This is what I was not able to bear and I informed to my bosses that I need a break and they gave me permanent break…..lol. Emotional affairs within girl other caste and fight with parents. another blow omg that time I was desperate for marriage so that I can free from this emotional and physical requirement. I got a contact from a girl from a matrimonial site and we talked around one month and she have all what I wanted , education looks religiousness. we met , we liked each othe and I though now things will get settled and I told her that I will not take anything in dowry and I jst want marriage asap , initially she was hesitant to disclose this in front to her parents before the assurance from my side. and I was 100% sure from my parents side that they will not deny at all. because of whatever happened with me . so I told her . and then I informed my parents but surprisingly my father denied completely and said that go and marry, but leave my house as the girl from other caste , i requeste them so much that after this much long i liked some girl whom i can marry and she knows everything about me , please let me do so. all my family member that time got hold of fake izzat. any how I agree my mother to atleast see the girl they went with me there home and as I know they rejected as our community wont accpet them. so I was very very disheartened but I kept my patience and trust on God that things will get better.It unable to start , i felt so much guilty , the girl cried for 3 days . I asked forgiveness said i can t go against my parents wishes. Second engagement and breakup From there they take me to there relatives who have many daughters to choose from someone and I chose one because I wanted to marry asap. they liked me then again we talked and my sister also to a girl . everyting going fine . the girl side very mch interested for this relationship they want to fix the engagement asap. the day before they are coming to fix this . I dnt want it to be fix on some lie. i called a girl and informed her about my health issue and career issue. they came and got reluctant and without fixing anything went back then after second day they asked us to come to fix things , I was again on cloud nine hundred nine that finally everything fixed. I told them that I have good experience and no problem of a job , i will have a job soon . and for my health I will try to stop the medications. but one thing happened in informing all these to them that I lost my value.and they now are taking me for granted. aisa behave tha jese ahsaan kar rahe hain…we all went there house for engagment , I bought a diamond ring for her , clothes for her of my choice. with my relatives we went there. its not in my mind but my relatives dont like there hosting and made a drama. there come too many things for next 2 days and finally they cancelled the engagement , I asked them to atleast once let me talk to her. what happened.but they didnt allow. I got bedridden for a month. Lost all hope and will to live in all these days my medications jumps from 10mg to 225mg. and it has its side effects also. after last incident I lost all my wish to live at all. I prayed god to please take me away from this world.Because I will never do suicide . its against my religion and believes. but inside me nothing left. this happened in june 2019 and I am able to do lil works in oct and writing now. i decided to left my medications also whatsoever. I will not live a live on medications.If i will live , It will be my own. though I dnt want to live at all this kind of life.I have lost my health career relationship. from last 6 months i dont have any money . my parents giving me just for survival. 1000 pm I am surviving. locked up in my room, left my medications to 66% just 75mg remains. it hurt my body very badly. when I woke up in morning there is a swelling too much of my face every day. i cant focus to do simple work on computer continiously for 3 hrs. but death has not yet occured. so i think still something remains on earth. i am trying to recover. and hoping that good days may come. I have not achieved what I dreamed of. I want to live on the lap of God. The most hurtful thing is my brain condition which is not able to handle simple stresses like above many people may handle above things easily. but its really tough for me now very much . I really dont know what is the life of happiness. though I am fortunate to have able parents who even can support me now.but from inside nothing left. now I am really afraid to continue in engineering because i fear more pressure on brain will do harm to my brain . and rest I dont know what to do. Recovering and never give up I also wanted to live a happy life like many others.I will not suicide. but I dont know until when I can able to handle these pressures.Because now my body and mind is not giving me enough support to fight these pressures.I know people have more hardships then me but its not comparable with anyone to anyone. Positive things in my life:- God Almighty My parents, super supportive, and very patient I love them Hope Good home with all basic facilities My lovely nieces and nephews I am proud that I achieved many things which I decided, like I didn't achieved many. Few good friends. Aur bhi bht hoga jo mujhe abhi yaad nahi aa rha. Thank you God Bless you all.
  8. I have been on psychiatric meds for over 30 years. The first 10 years was Xanax and then rivritril. Later was Paxil. I started reducing Oct 2018 from20mg-15 mg. Then in Nov 2018 15 mg- 10mg. In Aug 2019 from 10mg-5mg. Then Sept 2019 from 5mg to 0. I know I did it way too fast but now 1.5 months later I have complete body pain. Mind you I have been liver flushing for 2 years so I am not sure whether the detoxing has any part in body pain. Nonetheless, my whole body feels like a truck ran over it, can’t digest food, and feel anxious and irritable. I honestly don’t know if it is related to withdrawal but hoping to hear from others. Thank you.
  9. Hello. I’m 33 years old woman. When I was 21 I was given Paxil 20 mg and has taken half a pill since then to atumn 2016. I think I tapered for a month or so, don’t remember exactly. And I was fine for a month or two. But then I started to feel so stressed out and shaky. And I never get stressed. In January 2017 I got a bad cold with very bad throat pain. And I had that pain for about half year. I was so psychology instabil I cried all the time and the next second I laughed hysterically. I thought I was going insane. And I was so agoraphobic. And had my first ever panic attach. I got kind of appendix inflammation where the appendix would swell up and have spasm from hell! I couldn’t walk because every time I took I step i would get a stabbing pain in my appendix. In the summer 2017 I understood what it was! I was going through Paxil withdrawal! So I thought I had to go back and take Paxil again. The pain in my appendix disappeared and I felt normal in my psyche again. And also my throat pain disappeared. But I also got symptoms back that I didn’t want to deal with, sexual disfunction, and other stuff. So I quit Paxil again. My weight went down to 44 kg and I am 166 cm... i was so incredibly depressed I wanted to kill myself. I couldn’t work and I layed in bed all day I thought I was going to die because of anxiety. i also got severe burning mouth. And bruxism. And I got bone growth in my palate and under my toung. My mouth hurted so bad. And still does from time to time. And so dry mouth. in New Years from 2017 to 2018 I woke up and had excruciating pain in my stomach. And had to eat something very fast to make it better. And ever since then I have to eat all day long, but my stomach hurts so bad either way. sometimes it burns in my stomach and in my chest. And I have to pee so bad all day long and also at night. I have pain in my bladder. and in my spine and lower back. But the main thing for me is the pain in both sides of my stomach. I think it is the colon? The stomach is sooo bubbly and noisy and the pain is so bad. I have diarrhea almost every day. And I get anxiety and panic when I would sleep because I have so much pain. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, I have had this pain and bloating now for 1 1/2 years. It looks like I swallowed a football or something and people have asked me if I’m pregnant. i can’t deal with this pain any more. The only thing that helps with the pain a little is hydroxyzine but I get bad heart palpitations from that. What should I do to get a normal digest system again? And don’t have to eat all day long and pee and have this pain? the pain is on both sides of the stomach far down.
  10. Please don't judge me or tell me I'm an idiot. I am very worried you will think I'm an idiot. :-/ I started on the antidepressant/benzo train in 1998. I was getting divorced and was *gasp* sad, depressed and anxious. My ex was following me, came to the house, broke a window. I went to doctor who put me on Paxil and Xanax. I never questioned it. I was also drinking too much alcohol. Over the years, I quit various AD and started other ones. Lexapro, Prozac, Effexor. Lexapro was the worst CT WD. BAD Brain zaps. I didn't even think about tapering. I thought it was just me! I've never seen a psychiatrist. My prescribing doctors were all GPs. I've been on Paxil 40mg for a few years. I was feeling so good, I didn't think too much about it when I let myself run out of Paxil last week. I didn't have bad zaps, and I didn't feel sick. I also hate to leave the house so it was easier to just procrastinate. Late into the 3rd day, I started to have nausea. The next day was Sunday and my pharmacy was closed. Sunday was bad. Nausea, terrible headache, night sweats. I got online and started searching. I found the FB page and started to worry. I took two melatonin, 50mg Benadryl, Robaxin 500mg and a 1mg klonopin to help me sleep. Monday I woke up after a 10 hour sleep feeling great. No nausea, no headache. Tuesday was okay. Stayed home on NYE, little champagne, bed at 11pm. Today, Jan 1st, woke up with at 1am, slamming headache and nausea (not due to hangover). All day, nausea. Found this webpage via FB page. Read about how bad the odds are with CT. Read about reinstatement, proper tapering. I am already so irritated with the nausea and headache. Monday was such a wonderful glimpse of what I could be. I thought I just needed to push through this, but the amount of posts and the years you all have of dealing with this cannot be ignored. I am having electric pulses this evening. Not full on zaps yet. I'm drinking lots of water and no alcohol. I am not taking any supplements today because of the nausea. Would someone please advise me on how to proceed with reinstatement? I've read a lot of posts and I'm confused and scared. Since I have done a CT, should I start back at 20mg and stabilize and then start the 10% taper method? Thank you, OTP
  11. Hello I am 27 years old and was diagnosed with anxiety/ thought disorder when i was 21 they gave me Paxil and quetinepine. I took myself off at one point but had a relapse the. Had to go back on. I don’t want to take this medication anymore . I have lost weight i don’t feel like myself. Sometimes not happy and sleeplessness then lately i have been having headache not sure if it’s stress or the medicine. Then sometimes i think people are talking about me. Like people will be in another room and they are really taking but i hear them saying all she wants is money but i know they are not talking about me . Then one day i thought i heard the person on the tv say all she wants is money but i know the people on the tv not talking about me. I know i am not crazy but it’s very frustrating because my mom is the only person i can talk to but i want to find natural ways to get over this and off this medication so i can feel like myself again. Any help or suggestions is welcomed
  12. hi,all been on &off antidepressants for 20 yrs but never felt this crummy.since stopping Paroxetine have had flu-like symptoms ,then fatigue loss of appetite,taste changes,eye problems(excessive blinking actually started while on it,that's why I quit).depression,anxiety,just miserable,wondering if I should reinstate or just try & hang in there.I was on it about 6 mos.stopped May 4 after about 7 wk taper.thanks for any suggestions
  13. I'm another refugee from PP....I was so shocked when I logged in and found it gone! Very upsetting. I found a few people whose names I recognized from PP so that was nice. I'm currently in month 14 of my cold turkey WD.....I was too far out when I found out I should have tapered....PP was a wealth of information and support for me and reading the uplifting posts that "This too shall pass" was so encouraging in the thick of things. I am here if anyone needs an ear, wants to ask what my experience has been like, etc. My name is Gina and I am from Canada
  14. Here’s my story of the highs and lows, curses and blessings I’ve experienced since I started Paxil in 1999. I was born in Southern California in 1960 and lived there all my life. Looking back, I suffered from anxiety since my 20’s, but it was mostly episodic and triggered by major negative experiences. In 1999, my anxiety became constant due to work and family issues. I went to see my GP, who prescribed a daily dose of Paxil. At first, it helped me deal with daily life, but like many others, I gained weight and found myself unmotivated to exercise. I didn’t see a therapist nor seek any non-medication-based help. I continued to have anxious episodes but managed to handle them. In 2006, my father died, and I had to make the decision to take him off life support. It wasn’t a clear-cut decision and caused me a lot of anguish. I began a descent into constant anxiety exacerbated by feelings of impending doom, both in my personal health and my professional life. Every ache or pain became a sign of a deadly disease, and every mistake I made at work would get me fired. I began seeing a psychologist to help, but didn’t have much success until 2008, when I found one who could help me with my feelings of guilt over my father’s death, and used EMDR and CBT to help me identify the root of my anxiety and use behavioral tools to manage it. It was then I began to develop my approach to anxiety as a chronic, though manageable, condition. In 2006, I tried to quit Paxil since it didn’t help my anxiety. My doctor told me to taper, but didn’t offer many details, and I tried tapering much too quickly. In late 2006, I discovered the Paxilprogress website and got great advice and support on tapering. I began a very gradual taper in 2007, and was Paxil-free by 2009. It wasn’t easy and I had many setbacks, but paxilprogress’ members and my psychologist gave me a ton of support. My wife, a woman of great faith, reminded me I was meant for better things than to be lost to anxiety and depression--God had work for me to do. I continued seeing my therapist every other week up till this September, when my wife and I moved to Portugal to explore Europe for a few years. We have one son, who’s in graduate school in Michigan and starting his own career, so the time was right. Anxiety is still part of my life but it doesn’t control me or the decisions I make. I still take a low dose of Klonopin when things get too much, but no more than one or two a month. I use CBT and “reality checking” to keep my catastrophic thoughts in check. Looking back, even at its worst, my life with anxiety was good. I was able to function, and participate in our son’s life, even if I had to force myself sometimes. My advice to those just starting the journey: Don’t be too hard on yourself. Even with a slow taper, there were times I had to use a higher dose sometimes, until I was ready to take the next step. It’s not a race; do what works for you. Find a therapist or at least someone who can offer you support and keep you rooted in reality. Medication alone will never be the answer. Whether its CBT to other tools, find the behavioral practices that work for you. Accept the fact that anxiety is part of who you are. Whatever the cause, anxiety will be with me until the day I die. I’ve learned to manage it, and most days its just a dim feeling far in the back of my mind. What I now understand is that it only has the power I give it. It no longer controls my actions or decisions, and therapy has helped me separate irrational anxious thoughts from genuine concerns and problems. The short story is, like any other chronic condition, it takes the right tools, the right people, and determination to manage anxiety and reduce it to an inconvenience instead of a monster in my own mind.
  15. Hi all, I have been struggling off and on over the last 14 years with what I thought was anxiety the whole time, but am now realizing it was more likely withdrawal from stopping antidepressants too quickly. The first SSRI I was put on was Paxil. I tapered off after 7 months because I never really liked the idea of being on an antidepressant. I started having anxiety a few months later and was switched to 50 mg of Zoloft. I tried multiple times over the next 13 or so years to stop Zoloft, but the anxiety always returned, so back on I would go. In the fall of 2015 I had a return of anxiety after reducing the Zoloft to 25mg and tried to go back to 50, but it wasn't helping, so ended up going to 150mg before I felt relief. I again tried tapering last summer and got down to 25mg and experienced increased anxiety as well as insomnia. My doctor switched me to Lexapro last October, but it only made me more anxious, so after 10 weeks he switched me to Paxil. I got up to 20mg of Paxil for 3 weeks and wasn't feeling any better, so finally decided I had enough and wanted off the antidepressants. I started tapering at the end of January down to 15mg for 2 weeks, then 10 for 2 weeks, then to 7.5, and after about a week and a half at 7.5 started feeling really anxious again. I found this site and decided to go back up to 10mg of Paxil and stabilized for about 2 weeks and then started tapering 10%. Was doing pretty well for a couple of weeks at 9mg and then started feeling a little anxiety creep in. I talked to my doctor about switching to Prozac to make the tapering hopefully easier, so a week ago this Friday I started taking 4.5 mg each of Paxil and Prozac. I have experienced some ups and downs with anxiety since then, and am having a particularly difficult time right now. Feeling quite anxious and can't sleep. I took .5mg lorazepam tablet and am feeling a bit better, but not sure what to do now. I was going to switch to just 9mg of the Prozac and eliminate the Paxil tomorrow, but not sure if I should continue with the half and half mixture I have been doing or maybe even just go back to the Paxil alone? This just sucks so bad. I know I have probably screwed up my system so much with all of these changes and can only pray the damage is reversible. I was feeling pretty good earlier today, but then started feeling terrible as the evening went on. Haven't felt this bad in a while. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
  16. I have been on a diet and exercise for about five years with satisfying result, by then I had been on 10gm paroxetine for premature ejaculation with no noticeable side affects, however in the last few months My doctor raised my dosage to be 20mg for issues related to depression, I had been on that dosage for about 4 months, by then I gained some weight and my body fat percentage increased despite being on the same diet and exercise then I got back to the old dosage 10gm, I lost few pounds and my shape got better but still not satisfied with the result and still struggling to get back to what I have been on, but no matter how much I try it’s not working for me and it’s so frustrating. My concern is: has the med ruined my metabolism rate and is it going to be permanent? Knowing that it’s only been five months since I decreased the dosage.
  17. Hello Everyone. You might remember me from Paxil Progress as the person who started the post regarding Paxil and Garcina Cambogia and the cold turkey I went through when I stopped the GC while still trying to come off paxil. I was down to about smidge of paxil. Probably around 2 mg. While going through the "horrible" withdrawals of the GC, I went back to 10mg of Paxil and since then(October) I've made it through the rain and since then I have been steady up until the last couple of weeks. I had a small brain zap and on a Friday night on the right side of my head while out to dinner about three weeks ago. I then had a small panic attack on the drive home. Over the next couple of weeks, i have just felt out of it. I am not motivated, I feel spacy, just lost in my own mind, and still have some pain on the right side of my head. Then, last week I got my prescription refilled on the paxill 10mg (generic brand) and since then I have really been feeling like I am in a wihdrawal pattern even though I havent changed anything. I have always taken the generic brand of paxil. In addition, I have noticed that I am not sleeping through the nights and I have been having some night sweats. Does anyone think that I may have received a bad batch of the generic brand Paxil????? Does this sound like another withdrawal or a crash??? I had been doing so well since I made it through the GC withdrawals, but lately I have been depressed and feeling like total crap and just dont know why. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Stay strong everyone. We will beat this!!!! Matthew914 -
  18. I'm currently taking 20 mg of Abilify, 40 mg of Paxil, 30 mg of Cymbalta. I am diagnosed with either Major Depression/Psychosis or Schizoaffective (depressive type). I have been on similar ones over the last 20+ years, always an antidepressant and antipsychotic. I have been reading about how they are obesogenic and would like to come off them cause of that, and also to see how I do now without them and try natural diet and treatments. I am thinking of starting by eliminating one antidepressant, maybe Paxil and see how I do with just Cymbalta and Abilify, before tapering slowly off those two together. I've tried to go off cold turkey and by tapering off all of them too quick before, and get suicidal depression and racing thoughts.Once I take the meds it goes right away.
  19. Hi, I just wanted to share my experience of this drug and what I am going through. I was put on seroxat at 18 due to messing with recreational drugs. I was fine on 20mg for the next 17 years living life to the max!!! However, due to the birth of my son i wanted to be drug free, and had not had any symptoms for 12 years! I went to the doctor and she said to come off it over a few weeks and I'd be fine. This was not the case, after 7 weeks post taper and about 3 weeks off totally I had a total nervous breakdown. Dr put me back on 20mg, this was 4 months ago. Since then my nervous system is in complete meltdown, im suffering RLS, hand tremmors, depression, anxiety. The Doc suggests trying higher dose of Paroxetine and / or Mirtazipine. Has anyone experienced this, what did you do? Word of advice do your own research and read Shipko, and Healys work on SSRI discontnuation syndrome before you decide to come off it, especially if you have been on it for many years! Don't make my mistake and just trust your Dr!
  20. Hi all - so so I tried to withdraw from 2.5 paxil while increasing my zoloft from 25 to 50. What a disaster! The 50 zoloft made me manic so I went back down to 25 but went off the 2.5 paxil in two weeks. Pure chaos ensued with crazy agitation and insomnia and practically convulsions! then I went down to 12.5 zoloft and after 5 days the crying began. Reinstated to 25 and feeling the reinstatement effects. Just wanted to connect with others!
  21. Hi, all. Thank you so much for providing this site. I’ve been inspired by the stories here, and look forward to my own recovery and hope to help others as I can along the way. It’s been a hellish year… I have a rather long story – 99% of which takes place within the last year – so please bear with me. I’ll write this out in a timeline for organization’s sake. In essence, I have a history of anxiety and depression, and have OCD. I have been suffering from severe postpartum anxiety (PPA) and depression (PPD) since delivering my son in May 2018 – exacerbated by a move out East so I could start my PhD, the decline and death of my dog, dealing with childhood trauma, etc. I was on Prozac and Xanax as needed before I was pregnant and went off without any problems while we were trying to conceive. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy. Here we go… 1999ish – 2005 (6th grade – high school) (Zoloft, Lexapro, Wellbutrin) I was diagnosed with severe academic perfectionism and OCD and put on (I think) Zoloft first (not sure of dosage). In the years that followed, I was on Lexapro and Wellbutrin, all in various combinations. I don’t remember timing or dosages. I don’t remember having a hard time coming on or off any of the meds. I was chronically ill in high school, though, with fatigue, mono, sinusitis, shingles (to be fair, I had immunological issues before going on meds, too, and a complicated family situation). I took the year after high school off to recover, went off all meds. All I remember is feeling tired and my sleep being on a weird schedule. 2005 – 2009 (no meds) I started taking some community college classes, started volunteering, and then working full-time. Started paying more attention to my diet (went off gluten and most dairy after I realized it made me feel better). Was doing very, very well. Summer 2009 – Summer 2017 (40 mg Prozac daily, ? Xanax PRN rarely taken; occasional supplements - multi vitamin, vitamin D, fish oil, probiotics) Started on 40mg Prozac (slow taper to START it), as a ‘preventative’ measure against OCD and perfectionism (I know… probably wasn’t necessary, but I can’t prove a negative) as I was about to start at a university in the fall of 2009; I was pushed by family (also on psych meds) to start. I think it helped somewhat but it’s hard to know. Eventually, I had an Rx of Xanax, which I took maybe 5-10x/year as needed. I did well in college, though, started a great career, went to the UK on scholarship to do my Master’s and then decided to QUICKLY taper off the Prozac when my husband and I (we married in 2014) decided to conceive. I don’t remember having any issues coming off the Prozac. I was on it fairly consistently for 8 years. Summer 2017 – May 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Pregnant, more depressed than usual, especially after moving back home from the UK and being unsure of what was next. Still, did the damn GRE, applied to PhD programs, got into a great program out East, started setting up our life out there. Obsessive compulsive symptoms were worse than usual but not unmanageable. Late May 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Delivered my son. Epidural, long labor. Started breastfeeding. Early June 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Had a week of awful insomnia and anxiety and intrusive thoughts, but it went away. Early June – Mid-July (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Doing okay, just exhausted and depressed (I was breastfeeding around the clock). One week in mid-July 2018 (? Xanax, one-time dosage ~6mg Zoloft, and one-time dosage 2mg Ativan, one-time dosage ? Klonopin in hospital; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Then, at around 7 postpartum weeks - BAM - I was hit with a week of NO SLEEP. I just couldn't sleep and I lost my appetite. I had been given an Rx for Zoloft by my OBGyn and took a very small amount that Friday (I wanted to ease in). That night, all my symptoms were much worse – and I also felt this severe restlessness in my limbs. It was AWFUL. I even tried Xanax to calm me down (I gave to my son pumped breastmilk). My anxiety was so bad that I went to the ER that Sunday. They drew blood and it turned out that my blood sodium was dangerously low (126) - possibly due to not eating enough and drinking too much water. They gave me Ativan (2 mg – which was A LOT for my system), some Klonopin, too, eventually, and fluids overnight and I felt MUCH better the next day. I was given Ativan and Remeron as needed but didn't need to take it for a few weeks. Mid-July to Late Aug 2018 (0.5 – 1mg Ativan daily; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) I was fine for a few weeks, and then my family and I moved out East, where I was attending grad school (I’m now on medical leave). The anxiety and insomnia came back around the move in August. I took Ativan (0.5 – 1 mg) as needed each day and had some rebound anxiety but was able to get through until setting up care there. I was assigned an interim psychiatrist (before being placed with a regular one), who Rxed me 0.5 Ativan to take at night to sleep for 10 days. This worked for sleep, but not the overall anxiety and depression. Due to breastfeeding concerns, they switched me to Trazodone (25-50 mg), which worked ok for sleep. Eventually, I was able to fall asleep on my own for a couple/few nights. That would be the last time I could do that to-date. Late Aug to Late Sept 2018 (0.5 – 1mg Ativan daily, 1-5mg Prozac, 25-50 mg Trazodone; supplements: postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, probiotics?) I started seeing a regular psychiatrist in early September, and we agreed I should go back on the Prozac with 1 mg Ativan/day as needed. We started sloooow on the Prozac - 1mg, then 2, then 5. By week 3, I had lost my appetite completely, and my anxiety was through the roof - just on 5mg (I was on 40 before becoming pregnant, so I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so terribly). The Trazodone was no longer helping me sleep, and was giving me terrible dry mouth. My limbs felt like they were vibrating. My psydoc FINALLY directed me to go off the Prozac and Ativan, and Rxed me just Klonopin 0.75mg/day. In addition to the psychiatrist, I saw a primary care doc, who checked my thyroid, adrenal glands (several tests there), vitamin levels, and other things - all normal. My blood sodium has still been a little low, but they believe it's due to not eating enough. Oct 2018 (Klonopin 0.25 – 0.75mg/day; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) My appetite returned but it was never the same. I was sleeping better, but not well – maybe 6 hours at most, sometimes waking in a panic. I could only take one class. I was very depressed and frustrated, and deeply confused as to why I wasn’t responding to medications. But I felt BETTER than when I was on the Prozac, and was able to feel like I could sleep on my own again, and on just 0.25mg Klonopin/day – but the plan was to let me ‘settle’ and then try a new AD, sooo… Nov 2-4 2018 (25mg Anafranil at night, 0.25-0.5mg Klonopin/day; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) The psydoc suggested Anafranil, a TCA. The day I started it, we put my dog down and I stopped breastfeeding (I had been tapering on that for months). It wasn’t a great time to start something. But I did. I took it the night of the 2nd, fell asleep instantly, then woke up feeling SO GOD AWFUL about 3 hours later. I had a tremor, I vomited, I couldn’t eat. My husband had to hold me while I shook in bed. I called the psydoc and she told me to keep taking it, sounding annoyed with me. So I pushed through for three days – but that was all I could do. Until then, that was the worst I have ever felt. Nothing could calm me down. Things start heating up here, so I’ll spare some details and focus more on the med changes… Nov 5-8 2018 I barely remember these days. Sleep was poor, I felt awful. Then on a Thursday night, I was up all night with panic attacks. I called my therapist and made the decision to go into the psych hospital. Nov 9 – 15 2018 (In hospital, put on 0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day and worked up to 100 mg Seroquel at night) I didn’t start sleeping until I was put on a combination of Seroquel and Klonopin. BUT, I remember this creeping feeling of “buzziness” and restlessness when I woke up everyday. That feeling would continue to get worse over the coming weeks and stay with me to the present. Nov 15 – Early Dec 2018 (0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day → 0.25mg Klonopin 2x/day; 100mg Seroquel at night; some supplements – don’t remember) I left the hospital taking 100mg Seroquel at night and 0.5 mg klonopin 2x/day. I officially went on medical leave from grad school. I stuck with this doseage for 2ish weeks, was sleeping well but feeling horribly depressed and anxious, then started to quickly taper the Klonopin. I don’t remember how quickly – but I wasn’t taking anymore than 0.5mg/day by early December. I then tapered on the Seroquel after feeling SO much worse when an IOP psydoc tried bumping the dose to 125mg; I remember not being able to sit still – going outside to pace. No tremor – just pacing, fidgeting, and losing a lot of weight. Early December 2018 – Early Jan 2019 (1mg Ativan at night, 2.5mg Zyprexa at night, 25-100mg Lamictal; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) I made the decision to move back home to do a program specialized in PPD (we ended by moving back entirely later that winter). In the program, I was put on 0.5-1mg Ativan at night, 2.5 mg Zyprexa at night (for sleep – though it never helped), and titrated up to 100mg Lamictal (the psydoc suspected a bipolar spectrum diagnosis). I was still incredibly restless, unable to sit down and just enjoy a movie. And my sleep was growing worse and worse. It was awful – then my mood grew worse and worse as we went up on the Lamictal; I also had increasingly bad tinnitus and TMJ. I was hospitalized as my thinking became suicidal – just ideations, but I was ready to go back in… Early to Mid-Jan 2019 (0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day, 5mg Paxil/day, 50mg Benadryl at night; 0.25-1mg Risperidone 1-2x/day; some supplements?; THEN back to 150mg Seroquel) In the hospital, I was taken off the Lamictal and put on 5mg Paxil once/day, 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, Benadryl 50mg at night (for sleep), and Risperidone 0.25mg once or twice a day (I don’t remember). I became increasingly orthostatic (low BP, high HR). I stabilized mood-wise – sorta – and left the hospital feeling off, but better… Within days, though, we tried increasing the Risperidone, and my HR went up to 140 (I think we tried 1 mg). I wasn’t sleeping AT ALL. I was taken off the Risperidone, stayed on 5mg Paxil once/day, 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, Benadryl 50mg at night (for sleep). Eventually, as my sleep diminished, the PPD IOP doc put me back on Seroquel (I has actually asked to go back on) – but suggested as much as 150mg. After that, my mood really shifted and became erratic; I was really upset and angry at my husband and suicidal ideation returned. So it was suggested I go back in the hospital... Late Jan to Mid-Feb 2019: 3-week hospital stay (see below for crazy med changes) All the docs agreed I didn’t need to be in there this long (everyone kept asking why I was still there), but there I was so they could keep throwing stuff at me to see if something stuck. I was holding out hope SOMETHING would work this time...: First week: 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 100 mg Seroquel at night, 300mg XR lithium 2x/day (HORRIBLE stomach reaction, especially when the doc abruptly pulled the Seroquel) Second week: 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, some amount of Depakote (I don’t remember – wasn’t improving, irritable), tried PRNs of 12.5mg Seroquel and became really depressed Third week: 1 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, 1200mg gabapentin (taken as 300mg twice during the day, and 600mg at night). That’s how I left the hospital. Mid-Feb to Early-March 2019: (0.75mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, 300mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 600mg at night, brief re-trial of lithium – 150mg; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics?) Instantly went down to 0.75mg Klonopin 2x/day (fear of dependence). New trauma-based IOP. Was very constipated. Tried low-dose lithium (150mg) as lithium seemed to be the only med to be helping to-date (along with benzos); was improving somewhat mood-wise, but the stomach issues were SO bad, so we went off. After going off lithium, my restlessness SKYROCKETED, and was particularly bad for 10 days. My stomach was AWFUL; I was taking antacids all the time; seemed to be worse after taking gabapentin, so the new IOP doc cut THAT dosage in half. Developed a tremor. The new IOP psydoc diagnosed me with akathisia – FINALLY. I had NEVER heard of that before (although, in retrospect, I think it has been mentioned to me in the hospital as a possible side-effect of the antipsychotics – but I remember them saying “you can get this, but I don’t see that in you, so…” and so I ignored it (dumb)). When I read about it, I felt so frustrated; this had, no doubt, been plaguing me since at least the one-time Zoloft attempt in July - and in particular since the first Seroquel doseage in November. Doc suggested I reduce my Seroquel from 50 to 25mg; I couldn’t do that for a couple of weeks. Early to Mid-March (→0.25mg Klonopin during day and 0.5-0.75mg/night, 25mg Seroquel at night, 200mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 300mg at night, brief re-trial of Depakote – don’t remember dosage; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics) Continue reducing my Klonopin down to 0.25mg during the day and 0.5mg at night. We tried XR Depakote as a Hail Mary in the med department. It seemed to help a bit, but also increased some of the restlessness. At this point – and this should have come sooner for me – I was done – just DONE– with med changes. My body needed a break. I haven’t added or taken away and particular meds since (with one exception - the propranolol, see below) – though I have reduced the dosages… Early April (0.25mg Klonopin during day and 0.5-0.75mg/night, 25mg Seroquel at night, 200mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 300mg at night, up to 70mg propranolol throughout the day; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics) Was diagnosed with thyroiditis (my thyroid had been normal as recently as January) – a relatively common thing postpartum, but it was ‘late’ to arrive to be postpartum thyroiditis, so doctors suspected the lithium. B/c I was hyperthyroid first (usually follows a pattern of a few months in 'hyper'/overactive mode, followed by anywhere from 3 to 18 (or more) months underactive. I was put on propranolol (taking as much as 70mg throughout the day). That seemed to help the tremor, heart palpitations, and restlessness maybe 50-75% of the time. But it crashed my BP. Early-April to Present (see below) We’ve moved into a new, stable house (both good and really stressful). As of early June, I am off the Seroquel. I tapered from 25 to 0mg by reducing by about 6.25mg every two weeks or so. I tried re-starting it to do an every-other-day ending taper, and felt instantly WORSE, so I am done. But it was probably too quick a taper. I NEVER want to take another antipsychotic again, though; I can point to the beginning of the worst parts of this whole cluster to starting Seroquel, and the akathisia that ensues and continues. I reduced the daytime Klonopin to 0 (though I’ve had to take a 0.0625mg to 0.125mg PRN three times in June as things have grown worse). I still take 0.5mg Klonopin at night. In June, I also went off the propranolol – too quickly – and have been having heart palpitations, and have been orthostatic. My BP was just getting to be so, so low. Now, taking any amount of it seems to make me more agitated/restless or, at best, woozy. In June, I also got ambitious and reduced the gabapentin from taking 400 mg during the day (200mg 2x/day) to 0 at the end of June, mostly b/c I thought it was making me feel worse; I’m not sure on this STILL (or if it ever did much of anything). I still take 300mg at night with 0.5 mg Klonopin. May was my best month - not great (I was still constantly restless, struggled with my appetite, and was really disoriented and depressed), but it felt more manageable. I should have done a slower taper on all things when I felt more stable, then – but here I am. June started out okay but, after going off the Seroquel and trying a glass of wine again (out with a friend), it’s been awful; the akathisia is back in full swing. NOW I seem to have reached this point where my body won’t tolerate much of anything again – as if it’s saying “if you’re done with one, then you’re going to be done with them ALL.” I’ve also noticed that the first half of my menstrual cycle is FAR AND AWAY WORSE than the latter half – and am trying to explore ways to (as naturally as possible) balance my hormones. I tried bioidentical progesterone cream that an integrative MD Rxed and it helped somewhat, but caused cramping and spotting and an upset stomach – no go. Currently Taking 0 – 200mg gabapentin during the day; 300mg gabapentin at night 0.5mg Klonopin at night 5mg melatonin (+10mg B6 – combo pill) at night Fish oil (1400mg EPA + 480 DHA) in morning and afternoon 1500mg primrose oil morning and afternoon 200-400mg magnesium glycinate at night, and magnesium oxide throughout day 2000mg vitamin D afternoon Cal+Mag+Potassium supplement afternoon 2 kinds of probiotics morning Multivitamin morning What Makes Things Worse Alcohol; I haven’t been able to tolerate this since sometime early spring – makes me SUPER anxious. Any antihistamine; it used to help me sleep but something in the last 2-4 months has changed my brain so I now feel WORSE the next morning. Some vitamins (I say that b/c I sometimes feel more buzzy after taking a multivitamin; on the other hand, sometimes I feel better) Caffeine (not that I’ve tested this too much; the most I ever drink is a cup of green tea, and I haven’t been able to do that in weeks) Antacids (found that out the hard way) What Helps Epsom salt baths Sweating Crying (when I am able to) Walking (especially in sunshine) Melatonin (at night – for sleep) Klonopin (but I am trying not to go over 0.5mg/day – mostly at night; and want to taper off) Massage Stretching Kombucha (not too much, though b/c caffeine) Apple cider vinegar + lemon water (ahead of meals and when I have an upset stomach – at east once/day) Eating enough (really tough to do right now) Not Sure if it Helps (tried/trying it) Acupuncture (doing this for a few months now) Therapy – CBT, talk Gabapentin (want to taper off anyway) Primrose oil Multivitamin Fish oil Magnesium Calcium CBD oil What I Need Help With I’m here b/c I need to feel like I’m not crazy when the psydoc says this isn’t still akathisia. I KNOW it is – I KNOW it’s protracted withdrawal and the effect of such a brain-altering year. I know this b/c, even in my most anxious moments pre-postpartum medications, I never felt this protracted insatiable restlessness and dread. I was a champ at sleeping (though a night owl). And my appetite was always solid (too much so, at times). This is DIFFERENT. I also want to get off the gabapentin and the Klonopin – but do so in a smart way. I’m not sure the gabapentin is a net evil right now and shouldn’t be taken off altogether? And is the gabapentin the best thing to drop first? And I need help managing the akathisia. I've read some tips here, and will explore those. Any help on the hormone piece would be invaluable. There is something there. I feel the effects of akathisia/withdrawal/autonomic disregulation far more at the start of my cycle. And this whole postpartum period has been inherently hormonally disregulating (compounded by meds like Depakote, which altered my cycle). Anyone else? Anything help? I plan to keep a more focused journal as this site recommends and track my symptoms alongside food, supplement, and med changes. Of course, what sucks THE MOST is the lost time and what's been taken - from the joy of being a new mother, to what was supposed to be a fulfilling career move in pursuing my PhD (I might have to give up my place now b/c I'm so disabled), to feeling defective for not responding to the 'right treatments.' The worst year of your life should not also be the first year of motherhood. To those of you that read this monster of a post – or event 10% - THANK YOU.
  22. I'm three weeks off Paraxotine entering phase of feeling depressed. I had my first nightmare and it woke me up at 3 am. I was terrified. I decided to get up and journal my dream instead of ruminate about it. The journal really helped. My energy is so low. I have been researching and taking vitamins, supplements and eating better foods and walking. After the dream I wondered if it is really possible to get off the drug without relapse, because I was on it for many years. I had restless legs and cramping during the night, zaps, flu like symptoms, sore eyes, low concentration, get headaches almost continually. Have to lay down often. I'm a walker and love the outdoors and have walked most days. Today, is a "wave" day and it's too hot and humid to fight the weather. My hope is that the "wave" will lessen and I will have a better night's sleep tonight.
  23. Hello! Finding myself in a temporary reprieve from debilitating apathy, I thought I would introduce myself here as I've been lurking for a while. Like many of you, I'm currently battling a severe withdrawal reaction from paroxetine. During the fall of 2014, I decided to chart a course to discontinue medication I was on (Paxil 60-100mgs for a decade for OCD, Buprenorphine of opiate dependency and mild chronic pain). Unfortunately, as seems to be common, my psychiatrist was entirely unaware of discontinuation symptoms and had me taper from 60mg to zero in the course of a few months. Strangely, I felt zero withdrawal effects during the taper and for approx four weeks afterwards. A few days after the last dose of paxil, I took some time off from work to recover from the foreseen mild opiate withdrawal and stopped taking the buprenorphine. For two weeks I went though a normal opiate withdrawal (cold sweats, chills, aches, etc). However, a few weeks later, my entire world was turned on its head by a new set of symptoms. Severe anxiety, panic attacks, loss of balance and coordination, crying spells, suicidal ideation, debilitating muscle pain, constant overstimulation, derealization, mild paranoia, memory loss, confusion attempting the simplest of tasks, poor word recall and communication ability and a host of other cognitive problems. Along with that horror came a wonder I hadn't experienced before -- akin to being instantaneously launched out of a lobotomy and the removal of years of emotional anesthesia. Everything and everyone in my life had meaning and emotional attachment. I was able to connect with friends and loved ones (and strangers) on a level I didn't heretofore remember experiencing. Music... oh how splendid it sounded. Sunsets and walks in the woods were mesmerizing. Exercise and sex felt fantastic. Empathy and concern for the plight of others was overwhelming. A lifetime of painful memories and grief bubbled uncontrollably to the surface. Due to the timing and the lack of capable professional help, I assumed this was a severe case of post-acute withdrawal from the buprenorphine and had no basis to connect it to paxil. Months into this lovely process, I decided to restart a low dose of paxil for the hell of it. Within 36 hours, the worst of the withdrawal symptoms vanished as if by magic and I suddenly knew something was very wrong. Although the SSRI withdrawal was greatly attenuated, restarting the paxil brought a total loss of affect, inability to experience emotions, severe apathy and anhedonia. These symptoms had been experienced somewhat during the decade of treatment, but at a much less significant level. Having a short college background in neuroscience, I spent weeks reading the latest research on SSRI withdrawal (turns out there is very little) and modulation of dopamine (crap shoot) and with the help of a confused, but helpful psychiatrist, attempted to abate the new symptoms. I tried: Other SSRIs (same lobotomy effect as paxil) Serotonin modulators like Viibryd (zombie state again) SNRIs (massive anxiety, didn't help withdrawal) Wellbutrin augmentation (no change) MAOIs (didn't prevent withdrawal) Low dose antipsychotics (no change, or exacerbated withdrawal) Selective Ht2c serotonin blockers (exacerbated withdrawal) In the end, I realized that, at least for me, I was on a wild goose chase and I might as well dig in the for the long haul and re-instate paxil (without any augmentation) in order to taper slowly. I restarted at 20mg and have been tapering since the beginning of the year. I'm down to 12mg now, and find myself stuck in a partial withdrawal / mostly lobotomized state. I'm very unmotivated and can't seem to squeeze any enjoyment out of life, friends, exercise, music, hobbies, etc despite my best efforts. I've become quite anti-social, and my days have been reduced to working, sleeping, eating and laying on the couch. At the beginning, despite knowing it was a dangerous idea, I would take 3-4 day breaks just to feel human again. I considered crashing off of it again and moving to a warm foreign country to spend a year or more recovering, but unfortunately I don't have the money to not be working right now. Thankfully, even on a steadily declining dose, I have started to have these short windows of time when I seem to awaken out of the haze, and suddenly feel the sun and the breeze, with music and socializing feeling great. It'll last for a few hours before it fades back into the abyss. Exercise, when I can force myself to do it, seems to increase the frequency and duration of these. I don't have advice for anyone, other than to keep pushing through... Even when it's rough and awful. Between the stories I have read here, and knowing that the brain is capable of amazing things, I'm quite confident I will recover. It may take another year to remove this poison from my brain in a responsible and safe way, but I will be so grateful when the time comes to feel alive again. I wish everyone luck with their own journey through this torture...
  24. Hey, I want to intodruce myself on this site because I´m suffering a lot from the Paxil withdrawal even though I have not taken Paxil for a very long time. I was prescribed to Paxil in January 2016 because of a Burn Out / Depression. While Cipralex has not taken the huge panic from me when my Depression/Burn Out started my Doctor said we should try Paxil. My mood was very quickly a lot better with the help of Cipralex but the panic was huge. I´ve never experienced a depression in my life so it was very frigthening to feel such a huge impact in such a negative way. Anyways after about 1 Month on Cipralex my doctor decided to switch on Paxil because "he made good experiences" with this drug. I asked him on which dose I should take it whereon he answered that 40mg should be fine. At this time I had no experiences with Antidepressents so I completly trusted his words and I took my first pill. I remember the first day on Paxil I woke up in the middle of the night and my whole body was tingling and I´ve sweated a lot. There were a few more symptoms but I can´t really remember this time. So after 5 month on 40mg I decided to quit Paxil. (See from my signature) As the symptoms from my depression slowly dissapeared I felt more and more that new symptoms are getting stronger. At this time I thought that I still suffer from my depression and that it will never ever end although I was doing sports at least 3 times a week and going to the psychologist once a week to talk about my problems which really helped me in a way. It´s hard to put my thoughts and epxeriences since 2015 in proper english so I hope you guys can understand me. So in October 2016 I found a german forum for problems with antidepressent and they were very helpful with me and my symptoms. This was the first time someone told me how dangerous Paxil can be and how tremendous the effects to some people on paxil are. They also tried to convince me to taper the drug really slowly off but I thought the earlier my body is clear from this drug the earlier I get my old life back. The impact when I stopped taking Paxil 6 month ago were massive. While tapering it off it was really hard sometimes as well but the time I reached 0mg felt like the hell on earth. I wake up every morning with the feeling I just came out of a night club where I drank a bottle of vodka and snorted 1 g of cocaine. These are the symptoms I suffered the whole time on paxil. Some became stronger the lower I got, some started to fade away and some dissapeared. I copied some from a success story because it is exactly the same hope its okay: Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, lots of preassure in my head, floating head feeling, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, my brain was not able to give the "command" watch left before you cross the street even though I know how to do it ?!, derealization, feeling of never getting healthy again, feeling quite healthy for a few days and then feeling like dying again, intense nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night sweaty with delusions and disorientation, sometimes things seemed to moved very slowly or a street looked like it never ends or I was walking treadmill. As I said some dissapeared but some like the derealization or the dizziness, mood swings, ear buzzing, brain fog and so on are still there. But I´ve the windows and waves which is a good sign, right? I´m writing you because I can´t find something similar in the german forum. Next to the symptoms above I´m suffering a lot from Injuries. Almost every month I have a new injury and today I´m not able to do any sports because of the inflammation of my muscles and tendons. Sport was the only thing besides meditation which helped me to cope with the symptoms. A few days ago I was at my doctor again and we did a full blood analysis. He called me one day later and told me that my blood is totally fine but my CK-Level is very high (1200) normal is ca 200. I called a neurologist which checked me at the same day with a few standard tests. They were all good as well. Last year I checked my thyroid & my brain with MRT everything completely normal. Do you have experiences with injuries during wd? Is it normal to suffer a lot from Paxil even though I´ve taken it only for 1 year? I read that Paxil can cause damage on the immune system? Is this the reason for my injuries? If my immune system is damaged, is it for ever or can it heal like the brain? Best regards, Maggie
  25. HopingForRelief

    HopingForRelief

    Hi there, I am new to this site after trying to find an explanation for the symptoms I was/am experiencing after a CT from Paxil at 30mg. I want to thank all of the frequent posters in these forums as many of the success stories and positive encouragement have helped me through this horrific experience so far. My story (I apologize if it is long): I started taking Lexapro (10mg) in 2012 (when i was around 18 years old) for continuing panic attacks and debilitating anxiety/OCD. I needed the medication to function at that point and within a few months I was back to myself and living a happy life. Throughout my entire time on Lexapro, while still having some presence of anxiety, I was definitely "normal" and living a happy life that I currently wish I could go back to. Around Nov 2018 I was switched from Lexapro to Paxil at what I now know was a way too fast change and heavy dosage amount (I just stopped taking the lexapro one day and started on Paxil 30mg the next day). The Paxil worked for my anxiety, but it also caused these weird body jerks as I would attempt to go to sleep that scared the crap out of me. Also worth noting: I take my AD before bed, and I would experience a weird sort of brain zap and "cold brain" whenever I exercised the next day, but this would go away when I would take my next pill. Obviously these symptoms really scared me (mainly the body jerks at night), so I foolishly stopped the Paxil CT in May 2019 and said enough was enough. The next few weeks I experienced mainly brain zaps and flu-like symptoms, but nothing unbearable and I had an idea that was to be expected. These went away and for the next three months, aside from heavy dreaming at night, I was totally fine. Then, in September, I got hit like a truck with crazy unexplainable symptoms. These symptoms are: waves of panic that feel different from my original anxiety/panic, OCD about symptoms and thoughts, feeling disconnected from the world around me, phantom smells (it is always the same burning smell), insomnia, vivid and whacky dreams, horrible ringing in my ears and head (almost feels like an electric current), weird burning/shivering of my brain, and more. These were so debilitating to me I left my job and am currently unable to function. They have now relentlessly continued for over a month, and I am not experiencing any "windows" where I feel better. Maybe I will get relief for minutes/to hours of one day over the course of a week. I have tried reinstating (per my doc) a different AD, Luvox, at a low dosage of 25mg and have been taking this for 3 weeks, but I have not noticed a difference one way or the other in my symptoms. What can I do next to help me? I was not experiencing any terrible W/D symptoms for 3 months so by then it was apparently too late for reinstatement to work. Now I also feel like I am "stuck" on the Luvox that is not helping as I have taken it long enough for my body to get accustomed to it. I am not functioning and am taking a huge toll on my mother who is taking care of me currently. We cannot continue financially at this rate with me no longer taking in an income, but I literally cannot work in this capacity. She also believes that I need to take a higher dosage of AD to help myself, so she will not continue supporting me unless I do so. I understand her stance as she doesn't want to see me in this state and doctors tell her that is the "cure" to all of this. I am at a loss on what to do. Would there be any hope if I tried reinstating Paxil? Am I stuck like this forever? I cannot continue ruining my life and living in my house like this. Please, any help would be much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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