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  1. I want to share my heart out,I want to share my life. I lived 31 yrs of life. the life of sadness,hurt,betrayal,getting used,unrequited love, Dream which gets shattered,Health which got lost,Financed which ruined,Engagement which break twice,Got fired from the job which I love.hope which I got lost in all these but just little remains… May be I am not a very strong guy, or below things are very little for other people but for me it really shattered me with the brain I have.I want to write here because of two reasons:- Please bear with my bad English. To get words of support. Others may learn something from this. Birth(Dec 1987):- Bully(15yrs) I was a silent kid,deeply introverted.afraid to go out and dominate the world.Never in my life I had more than 2 or 3 friends.Never associated with any groups anywhere.Because of my silent nature and understanding of the world differently relatives and neighbors thinks that I am not of sound mind and they normally called me “sirri” (a word which describe a person as stupid with no mind”).Even my family used to call me the same, this has impacted my childish mind deeply and my confidence sank to earth every time someone called me that.though I was good in studies but not very vocal and someone who bully others just because other one is not dominatable nature. I hate these types of person even up until now.and I also choose very very carefully to whom I can open. these things keep going on till I turn around 15 or in 10th standard. and that was really a sad time.but I forgot and moved on. My teenage love(8 yrs) Its starts in early stages when hormones change occurs. My first Love.real,pure,deep,full of emotions.absolutely overwhelming.till date I have not forget those days. she was in my class sat next to my desk. I fall in love or whatever you will say infatuation. she belongs to other community. I knew marriage is not possible. I never tried to approach or propose.I knew even if I propose she will not accept.I was not handsome or a topper or may be I was insecure.I loved her deeply . Did many things those times of school like pick some flowers on my way to school and put it in her desk,looking at her whole time during school,wrote a diary, wrote some poetry also for her.cried every other day at home that I will not have her in my life.I also did those stupid thing of writing the name of your beloved from blood in your diary.lol. one incident I remember one day our teacher asked us to perform some activities, every student performed something like dance or cracked a joke. when my turn came I sang a song ”yai zamin ruk jaaye aasma jhuk jaaye tera chahra jab nazar aaye” by looking in to her eyes directly without any fear , in front of whole class and also a teacher.there are many many memories of such type.I never had a problem because I never insist her for anything. everybody knows that I loved her so much whenever anyone asked me I accepts wholeheartedly yes. she knows it. the way she looked towards me I still remember. I remember the day of parting also . it was day of 10th class last day when I got the news that she will about to leave school permanently,I become extremely sad and I know anyhow I have to bear this pain of loosing someone so close and to look at her become a daily oxygen to me. I was in deep pain. that day I thought to tell her my feelings by my own. she used to go to home through same bus stand from which I go.every day. that day I waited at stand for about 3 hrs because she was enjoying with her friends, I was desperate that today I ll tell her my feelings as after this day I will never see her. I saw her coming. she saw me from a distance and she sensed also about things. I come directly in front of her and said that I wanted to say something to you which you already know all these years.she asked me to say it.I uttered those three words.she listened and asked me if anything more I wanted to say I replied No.she left in a bus. I stayed there dont know how much longer, felt like dead. then came back home.and cried hell.my sisters consoled me so much. I couldnt did anything. so I tried to save this as a sweet memory in my heart.later when I went in college then I got toknow that she took admission in Dental school, I got her number some how and from my college far away from home I called her at every festival of her and her birthday continiously 4 yrs . then she become dentist and I got the news that she is getting married.to one of my other class mate. I became habitual about this. acceptance was there.those were the days of orkut, I dont know how many of you young guys know about orkut. its like first social media site in India those days. later I saw her some times on facebook and now she is living happily with her husband and a daughter. I left her there and locked her there in my heart to never open it up.and got busy in another things. Science and engineering(3yrs) Once I passed 10th and she left me then I have so much anger and resentment that I put all these on studies.I was a below average student got just 60% in 10th and ours was a govt school, that time I cant write or speak a single sentence in English.but somehow as all good students left the school so I got the admission in science section in 2004, there were 34 students, I studied very hard and came first that year only 8 students passed. in the next year also I did so much hard work and came first in my Class Editori was not that I got very good marks but the resources and kind of teachers I have in my govt school I did my best and came first in 12th also with 70% marks. I was so much fearful of science but my mother who was always there for me encouraged me that I can do it so I did passed it.in those 2 years i knew nothing about anything except studies I used to have one FM radio in my room some songs I hear every day like “love guru on radio city 91.1” if any of you remember.then after 12th was another struggle for career.Didnt know what to choose for further studies.I wanted to go to army.gave NDA also didnt passed.a friend came and suggest me to do coaching for engineering.I liked the idea it was the year 2006. I joined a reputed coaching in Delhi.studied day and night to pass the entrance.sometimes I got so much confident that I will do it sometimes i got frustrated.it was too much of studies for an avg student.year gone hopes begin. gave all engineering entrance examintation of delhi state and national level. like aieee and iit’s results came , didnt get selected in any one of them , got so much disheartened. you can understand how bad I was I got rank 131000 in AIEEE and for IIT I failed, DCE got 8000 rank.so no admission in any of these college. I gave uptu exam also and there I got 32953 rank and i got a change for counselling.Unfortunately there I made a blunder and even I was getting so many college in NCR Delhi region I put some college in sitapur in UP as my second choice because i foolishly thought that that were a govt college.and here begins a 4 year trauma of living in almost hell. Hostel life living away from parents If you read this far you must have understood what kind of a guy I am, so living away from parents and from New Delhi to a town of UP and college hosted in jungle and mostly the kind of people I interacted there.it was really not good. I was very much dishearted but being from a middle class family with so much of a hope from parents that my son will one day earn well and take us away from this life of hardship.I continued the battle and didnt drop out even if I wanted badly.there was not a single day in these 4 yrs when I didnt talked to my mother back home at every evening, I dont know how many times I cried that Its very very difficult to live without you guys.(tears just come to my eyes by just remembering those bad days.)Thank god he gave me one friend and a room partner with whom I was able to pass that worst time. I marked 8 lines in my diary and after every semester I crossed those one mark to able to see how much of it left to go back home. that was the best day when I was coming back last time and my family was very happy that there son became an Engineer, one more thing we with my friend decided that we will not have any affair or relationship and will directly marry. so no girlfriend type of a thing there also.Few attractions were there but I killed them and not regretting about that. Fear of studies and homesickness,Masturbation and Pornography,Falling into depression(11 yrs) This hit me bad when I was in 2nd year of age of 22yrs. I got very afraid that I cant continue in this engineering thing as this is very tough and even If I pass the exams still I will not able to do the real engineering job as this required so much brain I keep telling this to my parents and my father keep encouraged me that initially things looks tough but slowly it will get better.so I decided that whatever happen I will definately achieve this degree.I had so much pressure of homesickness(its that much you can understand that after coming back home in 2011 I have not left my hometown Delhi ), Pornography was there in college its normal thing even now I know.and I was not into these things that much. but I got addicted to masturbation like once in a week and pornography also. and I certainly believe that this masturbation and porn habit though it was not that much as with other people. it give me one of the deadliest disease which i cant even explain to you, whoever young among you is reading this I am warning you and pleading you, please leave these two devils completely out of your life else it will ruin you.this thing weakens my brain in 3rd semester i have got started rigorous hairfall,weakness of body and mind, but that time i was not able to understand because I got my body strength back in 2 days. for my mind it was normal but in reality this habit of masturbation causing deep harm to my body. which i was not able to control despite all my efforts.so in 2008 when I came back to delhi i got hit by mental illness there were symptoms severe headache, confusion,lost focus, memory issue, unable to take decisions and many more. this goes heightened also because i stuck in one more thing which is killing me, what is the true path of life,why so many religions and God and I wanted to know the truth I studied various religious scriptures also and I got so much feared that I cant die without knowing the truth.and I cant follow my parents religion without knowing for sure that it is correct or not.unfortunately I had to to a psychiatrist and here begins a trauma which is still going on they gave me that magic pill. a medications which can sort my mind out. I ,a young lad, trusted the doctors that yeah they are right in whatever they prescribe and in last 2 years of my studies this doctor gave me 7 different kind of antidepressents which numbed me actually. when I came back from college then I went to govt hospital in Delhi to a psychiatrist and he there stops all the medication and said that all this was not necessary and I was misdiagnosed, there I started with a small medication of just 10mg trusted this doctor and no doubt it helped me so much but over the years when i was stable in about 2014 i wanted to stop but my parents does not want me to stop and even my doctor. and I knew that this medication slowly killing me frm inside those who never use antidepressents can never understand what I am saying, just think that this tablet create a numbing effect on you or take away all your real emotions it makes you a zombie. and give you heightened emotions sometimes when not required also it hurt me so badly I cant even explain you some incident :- in one of my early interview I was crying sitting on footpath with fear that how will i be able to live this hard life.how will people earn.when I enter the room interviewer gave me a glass of water and ask me to come back after a month and dont panic. I was in so mch pressure of getting a job after my degree and it was tough. I got selected in one IT recruitment company and on third day i got so much un restless and fearful without any reason that i left my desk went to manager cabin locked my self inside and lie down on floor and slept and after 2 hrs manager open the door from different key and from next day they didnt picked me up for a job. Crying in washrooms is extremely common whenever my boss scold me or anybody hurts me.up until now.i never told anybody in my office that i am suffering from some brain disease else they will fire me I know. many more incident like this in my life. Searching for job after passing from tier 3 college and work till now(since 2011) this is a common story of many many guys of my type. Funny thing was that I didnt knew how to search a job and what a job is all about and how to plan a career , I knew nothing, first six month after completing a degree I left everything and just rested because I got exhausted and most probably this was a blunder. I was started searching a job and joined one of my friend in his company as Recruiter. after six month i got introduced by one of my relative of govt job and I shifted my focus in govt job preparation because the relative made a pressure on me to have a govt job cos he selected me for his girl.this i wll tell in next section in detail.then I joined a part time job in a call center because i was in another trauma as my first engagement broke and I didnt knew what to do ahead as one year already passed. so I worked there 14 months in just 4k rs pm. then I left to work in noida and good company call center and got ok amount 17500 pm worked there also 14 months till 2015 and then I was totally unsured what to do now, so I was getting promoted to quality manager there but after a degree that is not what I wanted to do so i decided that I will do a job in software anyhow.and after that I will decide further.so I left that job also and join another company in 20k pm worked there 6 months gathered all money then left and join one training institute in Noida and get my self trained there for 6 months and then gave interviews in IT companies as a fresher i had a 6 years gap. i got rejected by 11 companies and 12 one selected me. there I worked 2+ years. they have exploited me to the core and I was so much naive that I didnt understand that.I was a java guy and they asked me to learn .net so it was a do or die for me they gave only 3000 pm for training for first 4 months. i had my savings i never mind I wanted to learn . but i think now I stuck in wrong company . they trained me in .net then gave me a project of devops . i introduced devops by learning all by myself from internet whatever I can.created automatic infrastructure the best way I can alone. then they asked me to learn android then angular then big data omg it was overwhelming.I made one app backend its still live on playstore. and maintain many other . despite having my depression and other problems taking tool on my mental health. from last year oct 2018 many incident happened back to back that i asked my manager and ceo to give me off for a month they denied then i told them about my depression and they asked me to leave saying i am not able to work.they indireclty fired me in feb 2019. since then Its been 8 months i am at home. Engagement and breakup This was really tough when I came back in 2011 from college I went to one of my relative who is asst engg. in Delhi govt for guidance and help and he chose me for his daughter . I was on cloud nine . very happy . new graduate , got engaged to a beautiful girl , she is a lawyer. we fall in love. or I am wrong actually I fall in love. girls dont fall in love may be its very easy for them to move on . we got engaged for one year and as I told you earlier her father wish me to live as he asked me , he keeps me lecture every time.i got frustrated. I got a bit religious and the girl said to her father that he cant live with a religious type boy, I told her that now we are engaged dont do this , you will live the way you want to. but she got adamant and her father also.and said I become conservative and girls wants a handsome boys. i was just become simple nothing else. like simplest dresses , she doesnt like the way I dress. she asked me to change this or she will not live with me , I told her father that your daughter cant be happy with me why are you doing this to her. please stop. they dont want to stop but they want to change me , few things she said to me after a year of engagement which i still remember that , I ll have a dark future with you, why you come to my father for a job, I cant live the life of restrictions until this time I got so attached to her but I cant compromise on the way of life i am living.so I have to leave her . it was a big thing for all family and mostly on me because i was alone in this decision and my family is not in my support that time. they used to say “shadi karlo baad me jese marzi rahna who will say anything.” this breakup also shattered me , I have to move on I started a job in a call center parttime. Life in a call centre(2.5yrs) I think every graduate should work in call center for six month and not more than that. what I will write here about that it was also working hell.lol.every minute is counting 3 comapnies of call center I worked all same.they count every minute you go to washroom, toilet, outside, and thats also every day. its like work is not more on some day or less on some day. it s that work is there always.and its simply sucks.its only for high energy young people , it enhances your communication and stress management,more then six month is not good. Leaving the job and preparing for it after 6 years This was a big decision as I told you. I took it and succeeded. after a gap of six years and working hell of call center I think that now is the time that I have to move on to my job. and I took the chance. I started learning programing from for loop and learned 6 months all basic and algorithms, linked list and what not. Getting my first IT job as a associate software engineer(2+yrs) That was one of the happiest day of my life that I deserve my degree to some extent at least as out of 8 candidates that day I was the only one that was able to solve the programming problem and get selected.such a happy day it was. Rigorous learning again(2yrs) for 2 years I learned so much things, .net upto mvc. front end, devops, some big data,api, etc etc etc.. Emotional affair with married woman and heartbreak This I cant tell you what it did to me .its long story if you want to read I asked the question related to same on quora last year, that time idint knew that much worst ahead read link https://justpaste.it/41enq she broke me 70% almost. but good thing was I knew I am wrong in that just this one thing gives me strength to come out of this. Getting fired from my job This is what I was not able to bear and I informed to my bosses that I need a break and they gave me permanent break…..lol. Emotional affairs within girl other caste and fight with parents. another blow omg that time I was desperate for marriage so that I can free from this emotional and physical requirement. I got a contact from a girl from a matrimonial site and we talked around one month and she have all what I wanted , education looks religiousness. we met , we liked each othe and I though now things will get settled and I told her that I will not take anything in dowry and I jst want marriage asap , initially she was hesitant to disclose this in front to her parents before the assurance from my side. and I was 100% sure from my parents side that they will not deny at all. because of whatever happened with me . so I told her . and then I informed my parents but surprisingly my father denied completely and said that go and marry, but leave my house as the girl from other caste , i requeste them so much that after this much long i liked some girl whom i can marry and she knows everything about me , please let me do so. all my family member that time got hold of fake izzat. any how I agree my mother to atleast see the girl they went with me there home and as I know they rejected as our community wont accpet them. so I was very very disheartened but I kept my patience and trust on God that things will get better.It unable to start , i felt so much guilty , the girl cried for 3 days . I asked forgiveness said i can t go against my parents wishes. Second engagement and breakup From there they take me to there relatives who have many daughters to choose from someone and I chose one because I wanted to marry asap. they liked me then again we talked and my sister also to a girl . everyting going fine . the girl side very mch interested for this relationship they want to fix the engagement asap. the day before they are coming to fix this . I dnt want it to be fix on some lie. i called a girl and informed her about my health issue and career issue. they came and got reluctant and without fixing anything went back then after second day they asked us to come to fix things , I was again on cloud nine hundred nine that finally everything fixed. I told them that I have good experience and no problem of a job , i will have a job soon . and for my health I will try to stop the medications. but one thing happened in informing all these to them that I lost my value.and they now are taking me for granted. aisa behave tha jese ahsaan kar rahe hain…we all went there house for engagment , I bought a diamond ring for her , clothes for her of my choice. with my relatives we went there. its not in my mind but my relatives dont like there hosting and made a drama. there come too many things for next 2 days and finally they cancelled the engagement , I asked them to atleast once let me talk to her. what happened.but they didnt allow. I got bedridden for a month. Lost all hope and will to live in all these days my medications jumps from 10mg to 225mg. and it has its side effects also. after last incident I lost all my wish to live at all. I prayed god to please take me away from this world.Because I will never do suicide . its against my religion and believes. but inside me nothing left. this happened in june 2019 and I am able to do lil works in oct and writing now. i decided to left my medications also whatsoever. I will not live a live on medications.If i will live , It will be my own. though I dnt want to live at all this kind of life.I have lost my health career relationship. from last 6 months i dont have any money . my parents giving me just for survival. 1000 pm I am surviving. locked up in my room, left my medications to 66% just 75mg remains. it hurt my body very badly. when I woke up in morning there is a swelling too much of my face every day. i cant focus to do simple work on computer continiously for 3 hrs. but death has not yet occured. so i think still something remains on earth. i am trying to recover. and hoping that good days may come. I have not achieved what I dreamed of. I want to live on the lap of God. The most hurtful thing is my brain condition which is not able to handle simple stresses like above many people may handle above things easily. but its really tough for me now very much . I really dont know what is the life of happiness. though I am fortunate to have able parents who even can support me now.but from inside nothing left. now I am really afraid to continue in engineering because i fear more pressure on brain will do harm to my brain . and rest I dont know what to do. Recovering and never give up I also wanted to live a happy life like many others.I will not suicide. but I dont know until when I can able to handle these pressures.Because now my body and mind is not giving me enough support to fight these pressures.I know people have more hardships then me but its not comparable with anyone to anyone. Positive things in my life:- God Almighty My parents, super supportive, and very patient I love them Hope Good home with all basic facilities My lovely nieces and nephews I am proud that I achieved many things which I decided, like I didn't achieved many. Few good friends. Aur bhi bht hoga jo mujhe abhi yaad nahi aa rha. Thank you God Bless you all.
  2. Hello, I have been on Ssris for the past ten years, different doses and different meds. I started on lexapro 20 mg when I was 18 and get great for years. When I hit 22 I started lowering my meds due to side effects and simply being uncomfortable being on meds. I got down to about 10 mgs and stayed there for a while. 2 years ago I did a fast taper and got down to 5 mgs way too fast. I experienced withdrawal really bad without knowing what it was and thought I was relapsing on anxiety/depression. For a year I messed around trying to find the right med and trying to find the right combo. I now realize meds were a problem all along and all I want is to feel normal and be off of them. I also realize I’m going through withdrawal and have to be patient. Ok, time to backtrack. Eventually I decided to go on paxil about a year ago after trying a slew of other Ssris. The reason being that my dad takes it and I thought it would help me out. Bad idea. I quickly got up to 37.5 mg in only about 4 months bc it didn’t seem to be helping. After this, I decided meds weren’t the answer and started dropping my dose, not knowing the correct method or pace. My first drop was to 25 mg controlled release and it was horrific. I decided to wait for a while before making and other drops. About 5 months. Back in may of this year I dropped again to 20 mgs regular release. I’ve been experience protracted withdrawal for almost 4 months now from that drop. Things seem to gradually be improving, but I just hit another bad wave and am looking for advice/support. Also, I’ve been on different doses of Ssris for a long time. Since I was 18 and I’m 28 now. I’m thinking about jsut holding head until I feel good before tapering the correct way. I just don’t know how long I should wait, or when it’s time to start again. Any help is very much appreciated. Thanks!!
  3. I'm another refugee from PP....I was so shocked when I logged in and found it gone! Very upsetting. I found a few people whose names I recognized from PP so that was nice. I'm currently in month 14 of my cold turkey WD.....I was too far out when I found out I should have tapered....PP was a wealth of information and support for me and reading the uplifting posts that "This too shall pass" was so encouraging in the thick of things. I am here if anyone needs an ear, wants to ask what my experience has been like, etc. My name is Gina and I am from Canada
  4. (mod note)link to teePeer1's benzo forum thread: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/19092-how-to-taper-the-used-as-needed-benzo-or-sparing-benzo-use/ Dear all, I gradually tapered to 10 mg of paxil from 40 and also tapered off benzo (3mg to 0) both slowly over a period of months. Long story short, I thought I was near the fonish line. However, when I taperedd to 10 mg from 15 mg paxil and stopped a doze of less than .25 benzos things got rough after two weeks. My issues are mostly related to night:severe anxiety, hyper alertness, pounding heart. It was so bad a couple of nights that I resorted to taking a small dose of lexatonil. Now I am afraid of what strategy to follow next. My experience with psychiatrists have been pretty bad during my taper and I am afraid if I go back they will put me on more meds. Should I go back to 15 mg paxil from 10 and is it safe to use half a tablet of benzo at night to brave through the night? (Though i am afraid of benzo withdrawals too) I would appreciate any suggestions on how to stabilize my situation at this stage and dosage?
  5. Hi all - so so I tried to withdraw from 2.5 paxil while increasing my zoloft from 25 to 50. What a disaster! The 50 zoloft made me manic so I went back down to 25 but went off the 2.5 paxil in two weeks. Pure chaos ensued with crazy agitation and insomnia and practically convulsions! then I went down to 12.5 zoloft and after 5 days the crying began. Reinstated to 25 and feeling the reinstatement effects. Just wanted to connect with others!
  6. Thank you for all your wisdom shared in this forum! I had an updosing vs. holding question. I am currently tapering off 20mg Paxil using a 10% taper method (I do two cuts for four weeks and then hold the third cut for six weeks.) It has gone smoothly until I reached 5.61mg in June, when I started feeling more symptomatic. I cut down to 5.05mg the first week of July and four weeks later started experiencing severe symptoms (insomnia, shakiness, lack of concentration, anxiety). I've held for 8 weeks now and still no subsiding of the symptoms, so my question is do you recommend I updose? If so, should I go back to 5.61mg or higher, since this crash was likely building a few months before I hit 5.61mg? And then should I hold it for four weeks or more before resuming a taper? (I'm going to start tapering at 5% per month now, since I'm hitting the lower doses.) Do you expect the WD symptoms to ease up if I updose, and does that typically happen fairly quickly? Also, is it common to hit this kind of a wall in the 5mg range?
  7. Moderator note: link to benzo forum thread - Miko789: Xanax withdrawal/tapering Hi, I'm new to the forum, I have some questions I want to ask. My doctor prescribed effexor for depression, in 2009. Now I'm free of symptoms and I managed to come off with withdrawal symptoms though. That's with the antidepressant. Now I'm on Risperdal consta from November 2013 and seroxat 10mg. My doctor prescribed with risperdal consta 3,3mg/day long acting injection every two weeks. From February 2015 he lowered the dosage to 25mg/every 2 weeks equals 1,66mg/day. I tried to lower the seroxat 10mg but after 40-45h I have withdrawal symptoms vertigo, dizziness. Is it possible to cut down seroxat? How about the Risperdal consta (long acting injection). Has anyone tapered off completely without withdrawals? I read about the 10% harm reduction procedure to taper off and I'm going to tell my doctor and follow. thanks in advance
  8. Hello, first off I want to show tremendous appreciation for the advice given on this board. It’s so needed and so helpful. I’m 52 years old and female. I used Paxil for about one year at 29 years of age 20 mg for postpartum depression. In my early thirties I also used Zoloft for about a year, the dose would only be the starting dose. Any psychiatric medication I’ve taken has only been at the lowest starting dose. In the fall of 2011, I started 20 mg of Paxil for anxiety. I tried discontinuing in the fall of 2017 into 2018 following the recommendations The Antidepressant Solution by Joseph Glenmullen. I watched for any withdrawal symptoms and held the doses if needed any only reduced every 4 weeks. My taper was (cut tablets as tapered, used 10 mg tablets to cut when I reached 10 mg) 17.5 mg, 15 mg, 12 mg, 10 mg, 7.5 mg, 5 mg, 2.5. mg. 7 month taper. At 2.5 mg I started to have withdrawal issues, mostly early morning anxiety. I panicked and upped my Paxil to 10 mg and went to a walk in clinic to try lexapro, cross taper with lexapro 5 mg and Paxil, I tried that for about a week, stopped, horrible reactions, burning skin , anxiety. So went back to family doctor and slowly over the next few weeks increased back up to 20mg. During this process I also acquired tinnitus which I still have presently. Never a good idea to try another medication or add one in this state! I learned my lesson. Fast forward to December 2018, I wanted to finally get off Paxil. Again I used a similar taper according to Dr Glenmullen, I also made a l make a 1:1 solution diluting a 20 mg tablet in 20 ml of water to use, use 10 ml syringe. I guess this is considered a fast taper, since I didn’t use 10% reduced dosages because I never had more than minor withdrawal issues . My problem is this taper when July 10, 2019 I reached 2 mg I felt just minor withdrawals until the past few days when I started having insomnia and night anxiety, night urinating a few times. The insomnia makes me feel worse and just not sleeping makes me more anxious, A vicious cycle. I’m not sure what to do. I was considering stopping the 2mg in another two weeks, but since I’ve been reading this site I’m not sure what to do? Do I reinstate another mg of Paxil to 3 mg and see how I do, or do I try and stabilize at this dose for however long until I feel stable before reducing again. Thank you and I hope this makes sense, lack of sleep doesn’t feel so good! Also very low withdrawal issues throughout the taper, mild irritability, moodiness that went away as I adjusted to the new dose. Until now. Below attached is my most recent taper. I was almost 50 years old when I tried my first taper and almost 52 wi5h this taper, pretty much two years apart. Thank you!
  9. Gidday everyone. I am an ex-Paxilprogresser and when it closed I was very sick of the long horrible process, so I didn't join everyone here back then, but I finally paddled over to the U.S. from Australia. I have to keep reminding myself that the turtle got onto the ark by just keeping going, one step at a time! I started to have some decent days because I found a herbal remedy that has brought my headaches and migraines from 20 a month to 2 over a 12 month period. This means I can actually DO SOMETHING and is a wonderful relief. On those good head days, I always wonder how my old friends are going, so I intend to look you all up! I have decided to put up my history, a bit at a time, or it would be too laborious to read, so that's where I will start.
  10. Hello everyone, I am a first time poster, long time Paxil user. I have been on Paxil for about 12 years or so, prescribed by my doctor to combat anxiety. My anxiety was never severe, I just fell down the slippery slope of Paxil use after what should have just been a bump in the emotional road for me. Long story short, I've decided to taper off of the Paxil 20mg (down from 40mg a couple years prior). This year my doc advised me to cut from 20mg to 10mg. (I know now, way too much and too fast). I had brain zaps, irritablilty, and vivid dreams (which I actually don't mind since they are usually pleasant) and some dizziness. After a few weeks I was feeling OK enough to go from 10mg to 5mg. I was good for about 3 weeks. But the next two weeks I suffered from severe anxiety - unlike any kind of despairing feeling I've ever had in my life! I suddenly became an emotional wreck and was just at wits end. So I went from 5mg Paxil back up to 10mg. A week or so later - hives. Hives, - small ones, on my neck or forearms. They'd go away after a couple hours so I didn't put too much worry into it. Then a week after these small hive appearances, I had a really bad outbreak of hives on my legs, which I thought was just a heat rash. I didn't take an anti-histamine, I hate the way they make me feel. Big mistake. I ended up waking up at 4 in the morning, itching terribly all over my body. I was searching for Benadryl downstairs when my wife found me - at which point I was getting dizzy and nauseous. I was going into anaphylactic shock. My wife and I both thought I was dying, my children sobbing as they waited by the front door for the ambulance to arrive. I've never had allergies really. I am allergic to cats, it turns out, but I've had my cat for 3 years (a Persian which I found to not feel allergic reactions to in the past- and who has since been living with my brother till this all gets ironed out). So this anaphylaxis was not something I was prepared for. An amulance ride later, they told me I had some kind of allergic reaction. A few weeks later, after seeing an allergist, he suspected my bizarre reaction to be caused by a medicine (not a food or other allergen). I only take Paxil, and Propecia. (which I've stopped last week to try to rule that out as a cause of the hives). I still get small areas of redness on my skin, primarily when I wake up in the AM. And for now I'm on antihistimines, which I dislike greatly. I am wondering if the traumatic, despair-like anxiety feelings I suffered, and then yo-yo-ing back to a higher dosage of Paxil did a number on my body and made me overly sensitive to histamines, or my cat. Since my allergist suspected Paxil as a possible cause of the hives/anaphylaxis, I have since tapered back down to 5mg, and three days ago down to 2.5mg. I suspect its not the actual Paxil causing the hives, but the withdrawal itself, the toll it takes on my body and mind. Just hoping putting my story out there, if anyone can relate to such a physical reaction like what I experienced, and if they too, think it is related to the Paxil withdrawl. Thanks for reading. Cheers
  11. Hi everyone, So glad to have found this forum in my journey weaning off Paxil. Because of severe withdrawal symptoms during my doctor's recommended tapering schedule, I'm weaning off Paxil painstakingly slowly (liquid prescription, with a syringe). I have a question about tapering at smaller doses. I accidentally missed a dose (just 1.2 mg.) on January 17. Anyone who has taken Paxil knows that you do. not. skip. a dose. I don't know how it happened, but I forgot to take it one night (for the first time in about ten years). For the next TWO WEEKS, I was nauseous, had trouble eating, had mood swings, and worst of all, had some very scary depersonalization (feeling like I was in a dream or on LSD). Very scary. So, this can really happen from just missing a tiny 1.2 mg. dose? I called my doctor and they said this "isn't because of Paxil." Lol. Thanks so much! (This is why I'm so grateful for this forum--people actually dealing with the reality of tapering off these medicines.) Wouldn't tapering get easier as I get down to lower doses? ? What am I going to do at lower doses? The 10% method sounds good in theory, but yikes -- it will take forever just to get off 1.2 mg. My eventual goal is to get off Paxil and Zoloft, but my primary goal is to stay alive. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions! Thanks! I ran out of room in my signature for my quite-lengthy history, so I am expanding it here since this is my intro post: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety and depression. It worked for a while, but had to keep increasing it. 20 mg --> 40 mg --> 60 mg. For years I've wanted to get off it -- it wasn't working anymore, but very difficult to come off. Early 2013--Getting treated for sleep apnea (with CPAP) eliminated about 75% of my anxiety. Who knew?!?!? How long had I had sleep apnea, but treated anxiety with meds? March 2013: Feeling so good with CPAP treatment that I started weaning off Paxil about 10 mg/month: 60mg to 50 mg to 40 mg (NO negative effects whatsoever--if anything, I just felt better and better.) July 2013-- went from 40 mg to 30 mg. Some dizziness; nothing major. Starting a new job; paused taper. June 2014, began Paxil taper again, going from 30 to 20 in one week. (I can't believe that a medical professional actually advised me to do this.) This was very, very bad (dizziness and suicidality--the first time in my life--very scary), so went back to 25mg. Stayed at 25 mg. for another year. Not looking forward to going back down and continuing taper! In June 2015 started a cross-taper while adding Zoloft--went from 25 mg. Paxil to 20, to 10, to [this was the most difficult one] 5.) The cut from 10 to 5 mg gave me akathisia; nausea; suicidal thoughts; rage; and severe anxiety. Most of my time was consumed in dealing with Paxil tapering effects. August 2015 -- obtained a prescription for liquid Paxil. September: 4 mg Paxil October 2015: Suicidality -- doctor advised me to go up on Zoloft; I did so to save my life. Now at 100 mg Zoloft. (But it's not working -- my exercise, eating, meditation, acupuncture, and supplements are.) October to December 2015: 4 mg Paxil --> 3 mg --> 2 mg --> 1.6 mg. Symptoms are tolerable at this rate; the worst is a feeling of being intoxicated for several hours a day. But going this slow makes me feel like it will take forever to get off! ! ! Currently: 1.2 mg Paxil. Also: Vitamin D; Vitamin B complex; magnesium; plenty of protein; exercise; acupuncture; meditation/mindfulness; working with a naturopathic doctor.
  12. Benzo topic: pinkfairy-in-ad-withdrawal-possibly-zopiclone-and-now-benzo Hi everybody am new around here....right here goes!i need some advice an help.am a single mum to a nine year old with no family or support.in janurary I was taken off Paxil which I was taking at 40mg...I had no clue about tapering,they took me off in 4 weeks I was on it for 3 an half years.they then gave me diazepam to stop the with drawals...so now am also in the process of weaning off this at 10% a month.have now educated myself on this one!!am in a right state an I feel like am in a deep dark hole!have got real bad depression but they can't get another AD into me,probably because my CNS is in a mess....am I too late to reinstate Paxil?or would you guys keep on going.any help would be amazing!!am really struggling xx
  13. Hey, I want to intodruce myself on this site because I´m suffering a lot from the Paxil withdrawal even though I have not taken Paxil for a very long time. I was prescribed to Paxil in January 2016 because of a Burn Out / Depression. While Cipralex has not taken the huge panic from me when my Depression/Burn Out started my Doctor said we should try Paxil. My mood was very quickly a lot better with the help of Cipralex but the panic was huge. I´ve never experienced a depression in my life so it was very frigthening to feel such a huge impact in such a negative way. Anyways after about 1 Month on Cipralex my doctor decided to switch on Paxil because "he made good experiences" with this drug. I asked him on which dose I should take it whereon he answered that 40mg should be fine. At this time I had no experiences with Antidepressents so I completly trusted his words and I took my first pill. I remember the first day on Paxil I woke up in the middle of the night and my whole body was tingling and I´ve sweated a lot. There were a few more symptoms but I can´t really remember this time. So after 5 month on 40mg I decided to quit Paxil. (See from my signature) As the symptoms from my depression slowly dissapeared I felt more and more that new symptoms are getting stronger. At this time I thought that I still suffer from my depression and that it will never ever end although I was doing sports at least 3 times a week and going to the psychologist once a week to talk about my problems which really helped me in a way. It´s hard to put my thoughts and epxeriences since 2015 in proper english so I hope you guys can understand me. So in October 2016 I found a german forum for problems with antidepressent and they were very helpful with me and my symptoms. This was the first time someone told me how dangerous Paxil can be and how tremendous the effects to some people on paxil are. They also tried to convince me to taper the drug really slowly off but I thought the earlier my body is clear from this drug the earlier I get my old life back. The impact when I stopped taking Paxil 6 month ago were massive. While tapering it off it was really hard sometimes as well but the time I reached 0mg felt like the hell on earth. I wake up every morning with the feeling I just came out of a night club where I drank a bottle of vodka and snorted 1 g of cocaine. These are the symptoms I suffered the whole time on paxil. Some became stronger the lower I got, some started to fade away and some dissapeared. I copied some from a success story because it is exactly the same hope its okay: Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, lots of preassure in my head, floating head feeling, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, my brain was not able to give the "command" watch left before you cross the street even though I know how to do it ?!, derealization, feeling of never getting healthy again, feeling quite healthy for a few days and then feeling like dying again, intense nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night sweaty with delusions and disorientation, sometimes things seemed to moved very slowly or a street looked like it never ends or I was walking treadmill. As I said some dissapeared but some like the derealization or the dizziness, mood swings, ear buzzing, brain fog and so on are still there. But I´ve the windows and waves which is a good sign, right? I´m writing you because I can´t find something similar in the german forum. Next to the symptoms above I´m suffering a lot from Injuries. Almost every month I have a new injury and today I´m not able to do any sports because of the inflammation of my muscles and tendons. Sport was the only thing besides meditation which helped me to cope with the symptoms. A few days ago I was at my doctor again and we did a full blood analysis. He called me one day later and told me that my blood is totally fine but my CK-Level is very high (1200) normal is ca 200. I called a neurologist which checked me at the same day with a few standard tests. They were all good as well. Last year I checked my thyroid & my brain with MRT everything completely normal. Do you have experiences with injuries during wd? Is it normal to suffer a lot from Paxil even though I´ve taken it only for 1 year? I read that Paxil can cause damage on the immune system? Is this the reason for my injuries? If my immune system is damaged, is it for ever or can it heal like the brain? Best regards, Maggie
  14. Hi, all. Thank you so much for providing this site. I’ve been inspired by the stories here, and look forward to my own recovery and hope to help others as I can along the way. It’s been a hellish year… I have a rather long story – 99% of which takes place within the last year – so please bear with me. I’ll write this out in a timeline for organization’s sake. In essence, I have a history of anxiety and depression, and have OCD. I have been suffering from severe postpartum anxiety (PPA) and depression (PPD) since delivering my son in May 2018 – exacerbated by a move out East so I could start my PhD, the decline and death of my dog, dealing with childhood trauma, etc. I was on Prozac and Xanax as needed before I was pregnant and went off without any problems while we were trying to conceive. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy. Here we go… 1999ish – 2005 (6th grade – high school) (Zoloft, Lexapro, Wellbutrin) I was diagnosed with severe academic perfectionism and OCD and put on (I think) Zoloft first (not sure of dosage). In the years that followed, I was on Lexapro and Wellbutrin, all in various combinations. I don’t remember timing or dosages. I don’t remember having a hard time coming on or off any of the meds. I was chronically ill in high school, though, with fatigue, mono, sinusitis, shingles (to be fair, I had immunological issues before going on meds, too, and a complicated family situation). I took the year after high school off to recover, went off all meds. All I remember is feeling tired and my sleep being on a weird schedule. 2005 – 2009 (no meds) I started taking some community college classes, started volunteering, and then working full-time. Started paying more attention to my diet (went off gluten and most dairy after I realized it made me feel better). Was doing very, very well. Summer 2009 – Summer 2017 (40 mg Prozac daily, ? Xanax PRN rarely taken; occasional supplements - multi vitamin, vitamin D, fish oil, probiotics) Started on 40mg Prozac (slow taper to START it), as a ‘preventative’ measure against OCD and perfectionism (I know… probably wasn’t necessary, but I can’t prove a negative) as I was about to start at a university in the fall of 2009; I was pushed by family (also on psych meds) to start. I think it helped somewhat but it’s hard to know. Eventually, I had an Rx of Xanax, which I took maybe 5-10x/year as needed. I did well in college, though, started a great career, went to the UK on scholarship to do my Master’s and then decided to QUICKLY taper off the Prozac when my husband and I (we married in 2014) decided to conceive. I don’t remember having any issues coming off the Prozac. I was on it fairly consistently for 8 years. Summer 2017 – May 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Pregnant, more depressed than usual, especially after moving back home from the UK and being unsure of what was next. Still, did the damn GRE, applied to PhD programs, got into a great program out East, started setting up our life out there. Obsessive compulsive symptoms were worse than usual but not unmanageable. Late May 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Delivered my son. Epidural, long labor. Started breastfeeding. Early June 2018 (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Had a week of awful insomnia and anxiety and intrusive thoughts, but it went away. Early June – Mid-July (no meds; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Doing okay, just exhausted and depressed (I was breastfeeding around the clock). One week in mid-July 2018 (? Xanax, one-time dosage ~6mg Zoloft, and one-time dosage 2mg Ativan, one-time dosage ? Klonopin in hospital; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) Then, at around 7 postpartum weeks - BAM - I was hit with a week of NO SLEEP. I just couldn't sleep and I lost my appetite. I had been given an Rx for Zoloft by my OBGyn and took a very small amount that Friday (I wanted to ease in). That night, all my symptoms were much worse – and I also felt this severe restlessness in my limbs. It was AWFUL. I even tried Xanax to calm me down (I gave to my son pumped breastmilk). My anxiety was so bad that I went to the ER that Sunday. They drew blood and it turned out that my blood sodium was dangerously low (126) - possibly due to not eating enough and drinking too much water. They gave me Ativan (2 mg – which was A LOT for my system), some Klonopin, too, eventually, and fluids overnight and I felt MUCH better the next day. I was given Ativan and Remeron as needed but didn't need to take it for a few weeks. Mid-July to Late Aug 2018 (0.5 – 1mg Ativan daily; supplements: prenatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil) I was fine for a few weeks, and then my family and I moved out East, where I was attending grad school (I’m now on medical leave). The anxiety and insomnia came back around the move in August. I took Ativan (0.5 – 1 mg) as needed each day and had some rebound anxiety but was able to get through until setting up care there. I was assigned an interim psychiatrist (before being placed with a regular one), who Rxed me 0.5 Ativan to take at night to sleep for 10 days. This worked for sleep, but not the overall anxiety and depression. Due to breastfeeding concerns, they switched me to Trazodone (25-50 mg), which worked ok for sleep. Eventually, I was able to fall asleep on my own for a couple/few nights. That would be the last time I could do that to-date. Late Aug to Late Sept 2018 (0.5 – 1mg Ativan daily, 1-5mg Prozac, 25-50 mg Trazodone; supplements: postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, probiotics?) I started seeing a regular psychiatrist in early September, and we agreed I should go back on the Prozac with 1 mg Ativan/day as needed. We started sloooow on the Prozac - 1mg, then 2, then 5. By week 3, I had lost my appetite completely, and my anxiety was through the roof - just on 5mg (I was on 40 before becoming pregnant, so I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so terribly). The Trazodone was no longer helping me sleep, and was giving me terrible dry mouth. My limbs felt like they were vibrating. My psydoc FINALLY directed me to go off the Prozac and Ativan, and Rxed me just Klonopin 0.75mg/day. In addition to the psychiatrist, I saw a primary care doc, who checked my thyroid, adrenal glands (several tests there), vitamin levels, and other things - all normal. My blood sodium has still been a little low, but they believe it's due to not eating enough. Oct 2018 (Klonopin 0.25 – 0.75mg/day; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) My appetite returned but it was never the same. I was sleeping better, but not well – maybe 6 hours at most, sometimes waking in a panic. I could only take one class. I was very depressed and frustrated, and deeply confused as to why I wasn’t responding to medications. But I felt BETTER than when I was on the Prozac, and was able to feel like I could sleep on my own again, and on just 0.25mg Klonopin/day – but the plan was to let me ‘settle’ and then try a new AD, sooo… Nov 2-4 2018 (25mg Anafranil at night, 0.25-0.5mg Klonopin/day; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) The psydoc suggested Anafranil, a TCA. The day I started it, we put my dog down and I stopped breastfeeding (I had been tapering on that for months). It wasn’t a great time to start something. But I did. I took it the night of the 2nd, fell asleep instantly, then woke up feeling SO GOD AWFUL about 3 hours later. I had a tremor, I vomited, I couldn’t eat. My husband had to hold me while I shook in bed. I called the psydoc and she told me to keep taking it, sounding annoyed with me. So I pushed through for three days – but that was all I could do. Until then, that was the worst I have ever felt. Nothing could calm me down. Things start heating up here, so I’ll spare some details and focus more on the med changes… Nov 5-8 2018 I barely remember these days. Sleep was poor, I felt awful. Then on a Thursday night, I was up all night with panic attacks. I called my therapist and made the decision to go into the psych hospital. Nov 9 – 15 2018 (In hospital, put on 0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day and worked up to 100 mg Seroquel at night) I didn’t start sleeping until I was put on a combination of Seroquel and Klonopin. BUT, I remember this creeping feeling of “buzziness” and restlessness when I woke up everyday. That feeling would continue to get worse over the coming weeks and stay with me to the present. Nov 15 – Early Dec 2018 (0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day → 0.25mg Klonopin 2x/day; 100mg Seroquel at night; some supplements – don’t remember) I left the hospital taking 100mg Seroquel at night and 0.5 mg klonopin 2x/day. I officially went on medical leave from grad school. I stuck with this doseage for 2ish weeks, was sleeping well but feeling horribly depressed and anxious, then started to quickly taper the Klonopin. I don’t remember how quickly – but I wasn’t taking anymore than 0.5mg/day by early December. I then tapered on the Seroquel after feeling SO much worse when an IOP psydoc tried bumping the dose to 125mg; I remember not being able to sit still – going outside to pace. No tremor – just pacing, fidgeting, and losing a lot of weight. Early December 2018 – Early Jan 2019 (1mg Ativan at night, 2.5mg Zyprexa at night, 25-100mg Lamictal; postnatal vitamin, 800 mg folic acid, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, started taking some B complex, I might have tried some hormone-balancing herbs – I don’t remember exactly, probiotics?) I made the decision to move back home to do a program specialized in PPD (we ended by moving back entirely later that winter). In the program, I was put on 0.5-1mg Ativan at night, 2.5 mg Zyprexa at night (for sleep – though it never helped), and titrated up to 100mg Lamictal (the psydoc suspected a bipolar spectrum diagnosis). I was still incredibly restless, unable to sit down and just enjoy a movie. And my sleep was growing worse and worse. It was awful – then my mood grew worse and worse as we went up on the Lamictal; I also had increasingly bad tinnitus and TMJ. I was hospitalized as my thinking became suicidal – just ideations, but I was ready to go back in… Early to Mid-Jan 2019 (0.5mg Klonopin 2x/day, 5mg Paxil/day, 50mg Benadryl at night; 0.25-1mg Risperidone 1-2x/day; some supplements?; THEN back to 150mg Seroquel) In the hospital, I was taken off the Lamictal and put on 5mg Paxil once/day, 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, Benadryl 50mg at night (for sleep), and Risperidone 0.25mg once or twice a day (I don’t remember). I became increasingly orthostatic (low BP, high HR). I stabilized mood-wise – sorta – and left the hospital feeling off, but better… Within days, though, we tried increasing the Risperidone, and my HR went up to 140 (I think we tried 1 mg). I wasn’t sleeping AT ALL. I was taken off the Risperidone, stayed on 5mg Paxil once/day, 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, Benadryl 50mg at night (for sleep). Eventually, as my sleep diminished, the PPD IOP doc put me back on Seroquel (I has actually asked to go back on) – but suggested as much as 150mg. After that, my mood really shifted and became erratic; I was really upset and angry at my husband and suicidal ideation returned. So it was suggested I go back in the hospital... Late Jan to Mid-Feb 2019: 3-week hospital stay (see below for crazy med changes) All the docs agreed I didn’t need to be in there this long (everyone kept asking why I was still there), but there I was so they could keep throwing stuff at me to see if something stuck. I was holding out hope SOMETHING would work this time...: First week: 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 100 mg Seroquel at night, 300mg XR lithium 2x/day (HORRIBLE stomach reaction, especially when the doc abruptly pulled the Seroquel) Second week: 0.5 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, some amount of Depakote (I don’t remember – wasn’t improving, irritable), tried PRNs of 12.5mg Seroquel and became really depressed Third week: 1 mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, 1200mg gabapentin (taken as 300mg twice during the day, and 600mg at night). That’s how I left the hospital. Mid-Feb to Early-March 2019: (0.75mg Klonopin 2x/day, 50mg Seroquel at night, 300mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 600mg at night, brief re-trial of lithium – 150mg; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics?) Instantly went down to 0.75mg Klonopin 2x/day (fear of dependence). New trauma-based IOP. Was very constipated. Tried low-dose lithium (150mg) as lithium seemed to be the only med to be helping to-date (along with benzos); was improving somewhat mood-wise, but the stomach issues were SO bad, so we went off. After going off lithium, my restlessness SKYROCKETED, and was particularly bad for 10 days. My stomach was AWFUL; I was taking antacids all the time; seemed to be worse after taking gabapentin, so the new IOP doc cut THAT dosage in half. Developed a tremor. The new IOP psydoc diagnosed me with akathisia – FINALLY. I had NEVER heard of that before (although, in retrospect, I think it has been mentioned to me in the hospital as a possible side-effect of the antipsychotics – but I remember them saying “you can get this, but I don’t see that in you, so…” and so I ignored it (dumb)). When I read about it, I felt so frustrated; this had, no doubt, been plaguing me since at least the one-time Zoloft attempt in July - and in particular since the first Seroquel doseage in November. Doc suggested I reduce my Seroquel from 50 to 25mg; I couldn’t do that for a couple of weeks. Early to Mid-March (→0.25mg Klonopin during day and 0.5-0.75mg/night, 25mg Seroquel at night, 200mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 300mg at night, brief re-trial of Depakote – don’t remember dosage; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics) Continue reducing my Klonopin down to 0.25mg during the day and 0.5mg at night. We tried XR Depakote as a Hail Mary in the med department. It seemed to help a bit, but also increased some of the restlessness. At this point – and this should have come sooner for me – I was done – just DONE– with med changes. My body needed a break. I haven’t added or taken away and particular meds since (with one exception - the propranolol, see below) – though I have reduced the dosages… Early April (0.25mg Klonopin during day and 0.5-0.75mg/night, 25mg Seroquel at night, 200mg Gabapentin 2x daytime and 300mg at night, up to 70mg propranolol throughout the day; multivitamin, 1,000-2,000 mg vitamin D, ? fish oil, 1200mg evening primrose oil, probiotics) Was diagnosed with thyroiditis (my thyroid had been normal as recently as January) – a relatively common thing postpartum, but it was ‘late’ to arrive to be postpartum thyroiditis, so doctors suspected the lithium. B/c I was hyperthyroid first (usually follows a pattern of a few months in 'hyper'/overactive mode, followed by anywhere from 3 to 18 (or more) months underactive. I was put on propranolol (taking as much as 70mg throughout the day). That seemed to help the tremor, heart palpitations, and restlessness maybe 50-75% of the time. But it crashed my BP. Early-April to Present (see below) We’ve moved into a new, stable house (both good and really stressful). As of early June, I am off the Seroquel. I tapered from 25 to 0mg by reducing by about 6.25mg every two weeks or so. I tried re-starting it to do an every-other-day ending taper, and felt instantly WORSE, so I am done. But it was probably too quick a taper. I NEVER want to take another antipsychotic again, though; I can point to the beginning of the worst parts of this whole cluster to starting Seroquel, and the akathisia that ensues and continues. I reduced the daytime Klonopin to 0 (though I’ve had to take a 0.0625mg to 0.125mg PRN three times in June as things have grown worse). I still take 0.5mg Klonopin at night. In June, I also went off the propranolol – too quickly – and have been having heart palpitations, and have been orthostatic. My BP was just getting to be so, so low. Now, taking any amount of it seems to make me more agitated/restless or, at best, woozy. In June, I also got ambitious and reduced the gabapentin from taking 400 mg during the day (200mg 2x/day) to 0 at the end of June, mostly b/c I thought it was making me feel worse; I’m not sure on this STILL (or if it ever did much of anything). I still take 300mg at night with 0.5 mg Klonopin. May was my best month - not great (I was still constantly restless, struggled with my appetite, and was really disoriented and depressed), but it felt more manageable. I should have done a slower taper on all things when I felt more stable, then – but here I am. June started out okay but, after going off the Seroquel and trying a glass of wine again (out with a friend), it’s been awful; the akathisia is back in full swing. NOW I seem to have reached this point where my body won’t tolerate much of anything again – as if it’s saying “if you’re done with one, then you’re going to be done with them ALL.” I’ve also noticed that the first half of my menstrual cycle is FAR AND AWAY WORSE than the latter half – and am trying to explore ways to (as naturally as possible) balance my hormones. I tried bioidentical progesterone cream that an integrative MD Rxed and it helped somewhat, but caused cramping and spotting and an upset stomach – no go. Currently Taking 0 – 200mg gabapentin during the day; 300mg gabapentin at night 0.5mg Klonopin at night 5mg melatonin (+10mg B6 – combo pill) at night Fish oil (1400mg EPA + 480 DHA) in morning and afternoon 1500mg primrose oil morning and afternoon 200-400mg magnesium glycinate at night, and magnesium oxide throughout day 2000mg vitamin D afternoon Cal+Mag+Potassium supplement afternoon 2 kinds of probiotics morning Multivitamin morning What Makes Things Worse Alcohol; I haven’t been able to tolerate this since sometime early spring – makes me SUPER anxious. Any antihistamine; it used to help me sleep but something in the last 2-4 months has changed my brain so I now feel WORSE the next morning. Some vitamins (I say that b/c I sometimes feel more buzzy after taking a multivitamin; on the other hand, sometimes I feel better) Caffeine (not that I’ve tested this too much; the most I ever drink is a cup of green tea, and I haven’t been able to do that in weeks) Antacids (found that out the hard way) What Helps Epsom salt baths Sweating Crying (when I am able to) Walking (especially in sunshine) Melatonin (at night – for sleep) Klonopin (but I am trying not to go over 0.5mg/day – mostly at night; and want to taper off) Massage Stretching Kombucha (not too much, though b/c caffeine) Apple cider vinegar + lemon water (ahead of meals and when I have an upset stomach – at east once/day) Eating enough (really tough to do right now) Not Sure if it Helps (tried/trying it) Acupuncture (doing this for a few months now) Therapy – CBT, talk Gabapentin (want to taper off anyway) Primrose oil Multivitamin Fish oil Magnesium Calcium CBD oil What I Need Help With I’m here b/c I need to feel like I’m not crazy when the psydoc says this isn’t still akathisia. I KNOW it is – I KNOW it’s protracted withdrawal and the effect of such a brain-altering year. I know this b/c, even in my most anxious moments pre-postpartum medications, I never felt this protracted insatiable restlessness and dread. I was a champ at sleeping (though a night owl). And my appetite was always solid (too much so, at times). This is DIFFERENT. I also want to get off the gabapentin and the Klonopin – but do so in a smart way. I’m not sure the gabapentin is a net evil right now and shouldn’t be taken off altogether? And is the gabapentin the best thing to drop first? And I need help managing the akathisia. I've read some tips here, and will explore those. Any help on the hormone piece would be invaluable. There is something there. I feel the effects of akathisia/withdrawal/autonomic disregulation far more at the start of my cycle. And this whole postpartum period has been inherently hormonally disregulating (compounded by meds like Depakote, which altered my cycle). Anyone else? Anything help? I plan to keep a more focused journal as this site recommends and track my symptoms alongside food, supplement, and med changes. Of course, what sucks THE MOST is the lost time and what's been taken - from the joy of being a new mother, to what was supposed to be a fulfilling career move in pursuing my PhD (I might have to give up my place now b/c I'm so disabled), to feeling defective for not responding to the 'right treatments.' The worst year of your life should not also be the first year of motherhood. To those of you that read this monster of a post – or event 10% - THANK YOU.
  15. It’s my first time posting so hello to everyone . I’m so glad I stumbled on this site I’ve been so scared not knowing what was going on with me . ill try and make this as short as I can . In August of 2018 I hit what I believe to be called poop out (reaching tolerance) from taking seroxat for 15 years straight . Anxiety started to creep into my days even though I was on 20mg and hadn’t had problems only minor in the past . A visit to the dr led to him increasing my dosage to 30mg. I didn’t feel happy about this and decreased back down within 3 weeks. I knew for me the answer was to taper off. In November 2018 i went to see a psychiatrist for advice on tapering as my dr hadn’t got a clue (too long to go into) . She said to drop 5mg see how I went for 4 weeks before dropping again . This seemed to go ok . In December 2018 she said to drop another 5mg again I felt ok. Don’t get my wrong I had lots of weird symptoms with some depression and anxiety but didn’t feel too bad I put this down to the 50mg of pregabalin she said I should take three times daily (prescribed in November ) . I take twice daily on the advice of my dr. In January she said to decrease by 2.5 mg which I have done. I am now taking 7.5mg daily . From reading things on this site I now know I am tapering tooooooo quickly and my body is now telling me this too as my symptoms are more pronounced and the depression is really setting in. I don’t know what to do for the best and was hoping for some advice here. Do I stay put and wait to get stable though I have read somewhere on this site that it can take up to 18 months to start to stabilise after poop out. Or do I increase tiny amounts until I feel able to cope better with the symptoms? I am still working every day . my thoughts before finding this site were that I needed to get off seroxat because it had started to make me feel so much worse and that by keep taking it I’m poisoning my body and it will never head towards homeostasis while I’m still taking it no matter what dose. I would be so grateful for any advice .
  16. Been on 20 mg. of paxil for 20 years. Started due to depression during a difficult marriage that was heading toward divorce.Tried to get off it multiple times, too fast, and could not tolerate the withdrawal symptoms and went back on it. Doctor told me I likely would need it forever. Did not like that advice! In October 2018 I failed to refill my prescription soon enough and cut my pills in half to 10 mg. so they would last till I got the refill. I found I was ok on 10 mg so stayed there for 3 months. That same month I told my doctor that I was going off Paxil, and he said that was a good thing. He prescribed Zoloft if I felt I needed to get back on an AD, but I have never filled that prescription. Over a period of 6 months, Oct. 2018-May 2019, I continued to gradually taper off until completely discontinuing in mid-May 2019. I had no withdrawal symptoms during this period. I have been completely off Paxil, symptom-free, for 3 months. In early August 2019 I began to have recurring insomnia. I have struggled with some degree of insomnia most of my adult life, but this went on for multiple nights. In mid August I got slammed with depression for several days in addition to insomnia. The depression eased a bit, only to be replaced by anxiety. I took .25 mg. of Xanax for 5 nights to get some sleep. Would sleep soundly for 6+ hours with xanax, awaken, and feel the anxiety begin again. I know how addictive Xanax is and will not continue to take it. I have taken only melatonin for sleep the last 3 nights and have gotten very little sleep. Depression and anxiety have eased...just exhausted. I assumed after 3 months being off Paxil with no symptoms that I was home free. I DO NOT want to go back on Paxil. Is this a normal reaction after 3 months drug-free, and if so, any suggestions how to get thru it, particularly the insomnia? My doctor prescribed trazodone for sleep, but I have not taken it. I am hoping that since I have not had all the awful physical symptoms that many on this forum have described , hopefully I can get thru this without restarting Paxil.
  17. I have been on Paxil for 20 years. I was originally put on it for reactive depression from getting fibromyalgia . I don't need it now. I am not depressed anymore. My problem is that there is no liquid Seroxat /Paxil available here. I first tried bridging to Prozac. I found that moving from Seroxat to Prozac was too hard. I then tried dissolving it in water but my Seroxat tablets do not suspend or dissolve in water. They sink to the bottom of the glass. Does anyone know a reputable online pharmacy that sells liquid paxil and ships to Israel? There was a suggestion of using "Ora Plus" suspension liquid on this forum to dissolve insoluble tablets. I can easily buy Ora Plus from ebay with international shipping. What puts me off is that all the reviews of that on Amazon involve people using it to suspend tablets they give to their dogs and cats! It also contains some nasty sounding chemicals. The shipping cost is crazy too. But that doesn't worry me as much as the other two reasons. I take the gsk - glaxo smith kline version of Seroxat. I take 3/4 of a tablet - 15mg. It's the same tablet distributed to the whole of the European Union. Has anyone here successfully tapered off that without the liquid Seroxat? If so how did you do it? Anyone know an online pharmacy that sells liquid Paxil that ships to Israel?
  18. I've followed the Facebook page for this group for a bit now and thought I would add my own experience with antidepressants. So, I've been on antidepressants of and on (but mostly on) for about 21 years. The couple times over the years I got off of drugs like Paxil, Celexa, and Lexapro was by doing it the (wrong) way my doctor said to. The Ole' skip a day then every two days then voila! your done. I did that a couple times and I seemed to be good. But within 6 months, I was right back on something else. I mainly suffer from anxiety/panic and luckily don't suffer from depression; however, a year and a half ago I had my first case of depression which hit like a ton of bricks. Luckily for me, it was gone within a couple days. Phew! About 10 years ago, while on Paxil, I felt like a lot of anxiety was creeping in once again. I told my doctor at the time who was an internal medicine doctor this, and she said, "oh, you need to try this newer drug called Pristiq! It's an SNRI, not an SSRI." Without thinking anything of it, I was put on 50mgs of Pristiq-which was the lowest dose, at the time and off I went. I don't remember having any trouble what so ever making the switch. Fast forward to the summer of 2017-new doctor and I was feeling great - all things considered. I decided I wanted off. And I wanted off because I was starting to hear more and more people were being forced off their Pristiq and other antidepressants because the insurance company's didn't want to pay for them anymore AND I had watched people the prior Fall get hit by a hurricane in which many were forced into withdrawal because they couldn't get their refills because of damage to businesses/pharmacy's, etc. I didn't ever want to be "forced" off my medication for any reason and then have to endure possible side effects. So, in May of 2017, I began my journey that would (little did I know it) begin a two year struggle to get off antidepressants! I did the common thing at the beginning by telling my doctor that I was feeling good and was ready to jump off of my Pristiq. She agreed and said the usual...since I was on the lowest dose already, and the pills were extremely difficult to cut in half, skip a day for the next 2 weeks, then skip two days for the following 2 weeks, then stop. So the first two weeks were a bit unnerving and difficult but I powered through! Then came the second two weeks of skipping two days. After just the first try I was a mess! A complete mess! I had major anxiety, headaches, brain zaps, dizziness, the usual. I started pouring over the internet to find help because I knew there had to be another way! I started educating myself after finding a Facebook group that spoke of withdrawing off of Pristiq and learned a lot! I called my doctor's office and told them I needed to see her ASAP! because I was really struggling. Luckily, she got me in that same day. I told her how awful my experience was to get off this drug and she agreed that Pristiq is tricky to get off of. She said she doesn't really ever prescribe it but knows of docs that do, but mainly for menopausal symptoms! Since I came to her as a new patient back in 2011 and was already on the drug, she kept me in refills. So, at this point I told HER what I wanted to happen. Because I learned that there was now a 25mg pill which she had no idea of, I wanted her to prescribe this to me to help get me off. Then I told her that if that worked ok for me, I would then like to start compounding the drug down using a compounding pharmacy. I really had to educate her on the fact that this drug needed to be tapered off very slowly to have the best chance of getting off. She said she had never heard of that being done but was willing to work with me to get me off safely. And I had to commend her for that because I have since read and heard of many whose doctors refuse to help them in this manner get off their antidepressants. So I picked up my 25mg prescription from the pharmacy, headed home, and continued researching. I stayed on the 25's for 1 month which is when she wanted me to return to let her know how I was doing. I'll be honest here, it wasn't super easy. But, it was manageable. At my next appointment with my doctor, I came with compounding pharmacy info in hand and told her to call in a script for 15mg's to last a month with one refill in case I felt I needed to continue longer. My plan was to stay on that dose til ALL side effects were gone and to not jump down in dose until then. So, I completed the next month with the 15's and at that following appointment told her I was still doing ok, and that I'd like a new script for 12 mgs compounded. She obliged. Another month with that dose and still hung in there. The next month I asked for a 9 mg dose to be compounded. Did that for about 1 week and BAM! The side effects were so bad, I just couldn't handle it. I went back into her office right away and told her that the jump from 12 to 9 was too difficult and that I was going to refill the 12's but now I needed to taper off 1 mg per month! The lower I got in dosage, the higher my anxiety was, however, I was determined to get off this stuff. At 3mgs, I jumped completely off. Unfortunately, at that point in my life, I had some major family stuff going on which only contributed to my anxiety! I was off completely for 16 days. During that time, and because of what was going on in my life, the anxiety and panic left me in a state of not wanting to leave my house. It was really hard. I made an appointment to see my doctor again as I was starting to feel desperate. I didn't want to feel this way anymore. NOTE During this time of tapering, I learned a lot about helpful supplements to aid me as I tapered - ones for brain health and helping the inflammation that occurs in our brains as a result of taking these meds. I also cut out most sugar/gluten in my diet as both cause inflammation and can contribute to anxiety/depression. I also sought out a Naturapathic doctor in my area who ran extensive blood work to look for any deficientcy's that could contribute to how I was feeling. That's another thread that I can speak about in the future!!! (Magnesium L-Threonate/Glycinate/Citrate is your friend!!! Along with a high EPA fish oil, and Turmeric/curcumin supplementation!) So while sitting in my doctor's office feeling major anxiety, I caved. I told her I didn't want to feel like this anymore and that I was willing to try a low dose SSRI to see if it would help. I tried Zoloft first but had an allergic reaction to it 13 days in (it didn't make me feel good anyway) so I stopped that and switched right over to 10mgs of Paxil. I have to be honest...it did help. Within 24 hours I could feel my anxiety lessening. However, now I felt like a failure. I failed at getting off of antidepressants. I ended up staying on Paxil for a year. Then, because of some side effects that I can only attribute to the Paxil, decided I needed to get off this and NOW. I broke the 10's in half and for two and a half weeks, I took 5mgs. I have now been antidepressant free for almost 2 weeks and I feel GREAT! The only thing I have experienced is a slight tingling around my mouth and ever so slight anxiety but it feels more like an adrenaline rush; like when someone scares you and you jump. Granted, I know it hasn't been that long, but what a difference I feel now from what I felt a year ago. I still have a little stress in my life - but who doesn't ?? I've continued with my supplements and eating the best that I can and I believe that it has completely helped me get through the hardest parts. Looking back, I don't know how anyone could ever get off these drugs without doing some kind of taper! And, over the last year and a half, I have tried to help hundreds get off Pristiq. I am a contributor/moderator/admin in a facebook group that does just that! We help others see that the safest way off this drug is a slow taper. Many people learn the hard way, like most of us. But then we see that success is "slow and steady wins the race!" There is hope on the other side! We need to educate people and the medical community that the drug manufacturer's way is not a good way! I mean, why would they want us off their drugs anyway? They would stand to lose billions of dollars. They are setting us up for failure so we need to stand up and prove them wrong. Thank you for allowing me to share my story...
  19. Hello! Finding myself in a temporary reprieve from debilitating apathy, I thought I would introduce myself here as I've been lurking for a while. Like many of you, I'm currently battling a severe withdrawal reaction from paroxetine. During the fall of 2014, I decided to chart a course to discontinue medication I was on (Paxil 60-100mgs for a decade for OCD, Buprenorphine of opiate dependency and mild chronic pain). Unfortunately, as seems to be common, my psychiatrist was entirely unaware of discontinuation symptoms and had me taper from 60mg to zero in the course of a few months. Strangely, I felt zero withdrawal effects during the taper and for approx four weeks afterwards. A few days after the last dose of paxil, I took some time off from work to recover from the foreseen mild opiate withdrawal and stopped taking the buprenorphine. For two weeks I went though a normal opiate withdrawal (cold sweats, chills, aches, etc). However, a few weeks later, my entire world was turned on its head by a new set of symptoms. Severe anxiety, panic attacks, loss of balance and coordination, crying spells, suicidal ideation, debilitating muscle pain, constant overstimulation, derealization, mild paranoia, memory loss, confusion attempting the simplest of tasks, poor word recall and communication ability and a host of other cognitive problems. Along with that horror came a wonder I hadn't experienced before -- akin to being instantaneously launched out of a lobotomy and the removal of years of emotional anesthesia. Everything and everyone in my life had meaning and emotional attachment. I was able to connect with friends and loved ones (and strangers) on a level I didn't heretofore remember experiencing. Music... oh how splendid it sounded. Sunsets and walks in the woods were mesmerizing. Exercise and sex felt fantastic. Empathy and concern for the plight of others was overwhelming. A lifetime of painful memories and grief bubbled uncontrollably to the surface. Due to the timing and the lack of capable professional help, I assumed this was a severe case of post-acute withdrawal from the buprenorphine and had no basis to connect it to paxil. Months into this lovely process, I decided to restart a low dose of paxil for the hell of it. Within 36 hours, the worst of the withdrawal symptoms vanished as if by magic and I suddenly knew something was very wrong. Although the SSRI withdrawal was greatly attenuated, restarting the paxil brought a total loss of affect, inability to experience emotions, severe apathy and anhedonia. These symptoms had been experienced somewhat during the decade of treatment, but at a much less significant level. Having a short college background in neuroscience, I spent weeks reading the latest research on SSRI withdrawal (turns out there is very little) and modulation of dopamine (crap shoot) and with the help of a confused, but helpful psychiatrist, attempted to abate the new symptoms. I tried: Other SSRIs (same lobotomy effect as paxil) Serotonin modulators like Viibryd (zombie state again) SNRIs (massive anxiety, didn't help withdrawal) Wellbutrin augmentation (no change) MAOIs (didn't prevent withdrawal) Low dose antipsychotics (no change, or exacerbated withdrawal) Selective Ht2c serotonin blockers (exacerbated withdrawal) In the end, I realized that, at least for me, I was on a wild goose chase and I might as well dig in the for the long haul and re-instate paxil (without any augmentation) in order to taper slowly. I restarted at 20mg and have been tapering since the beginning of the year. I'm down to 12mg now, and find myself stuck in a partial withdrawal / mostly lobotomized state. I'm very unmotivated and can't seem to squeeze any enjoyment out of life, friends, exercise, music, hobbies, etc despite my best efforts. I've become quite anti-social, and my days have been reduced to working, sleeping, eating and laying on the couch. At the beginning, despite knowing it was a dangerous idea, I would take 3-4 day breaks just to feel human again. I considered crashing off of it again and moving to a warm foreign country to spend a year or more recovering, but unfortunately I don't have the money to not be working right now. Thankfully, even on a steadily declining dose, I have started to have these short windows of time when I seem to awaken out of the haze, and suddenly feel the sun and the breeze, with music and socializing feeling great. It'll last for a few hours before it fades back into the abyss. Exercise, when I can force myself to do it, seems to increase the frequency and duration of these. I don't have advice for anyone, other than to keep pushing through... Even when it's rough and awful. Between the stories I have read here, and knowing that the brain is capable of amazing things, I'm quite confident I will recover. It may take another year to remove this poison from my brain in a responsible and safe way, but I will be so grateful when the time comes to feel alive again. I wish everyone luck with their own journey through this torture...
  20. Well I have always had some sort of anxiety my whole life. Of course, nowhere NEAR as bad as the anxiety WD has caused me. I missed school a ton growing up cause it just made me anxious to be around a lot of people and I was very shy. Just the thought of having to go to school gave me a nervous stomachache. This led to me actually dropping out for a while in high school. Thankfully I was able to enroll in an alternative high school with very small classes where we could go at our own pace and make our own hours. I was able to graduate and get my diploma in under 2 years. I've also had OCD for as long as I can remember. I was tormented by my intrusive thoughts and thought there was something very wrong with me or I was possessed. When I was around 11 or 12 I was looking in a psychology book for some answers and when I read the description for OCD I had a Eureka moment. "That's me!" I was so happy I started crying. So I guess I diagnosed myself but it was later confirmed by a child psychologist. Around 1998 (when I was 18 years old) is when I started seeing commercials on TV for Paxil. Again, when I heard the description I thought it sounded a lot like me. I had just been broken up with by a guy for being "too shy". I was hating how reserved I was and my "social anxiety." It had been getting even worse as now I was getting very nervous and racing heart when in restaurants or standing in line at the store. So I went to a psychiatrist and told him I wanted this drug, Paxil. After a LONG questionnaire and hearing my symptoms he agreed it might help me. I asked him if I could stop taking it any time I wanted and he said "Yes." LIE. That was the day I made the worst decision of my life and I will always regret taking that first pill. So I started the Paxil at 20mg and had no start up effects that I can remember. A few months later I took a trip by myself on a bus half way across the country. So I gues the Paxil was "working." I also missed a couple of doses and that is when I found out about the horrible WD. Zaps, crazy sensitivity to noises, nausea, etc. It scared the crap out of me. Felt like I was stuck on this poison. The years start to pass and I begin to become numb to everything. I gain 30 pounds, which doesn't sound like much but on someone 5'2" with a small frame it definitely shows. Although I was in a relationship I became more and more disinterested in sex. My favorite hobby was sleeping. I had zero ambition and zero motivation. In 2002, my BF at the time finally convinced me to try to get off this drug. I started taking 2.5mg drops every month or so from 30-40mg (cant remember exactly). As I got lower my interest in sex returned and I felt good. I decided to go on birth control. Two weeks after starting it I crashed completely. I was at about 10mg of Paxil at that time. One morning I woke up to nausea, some vomiting, a horrible burning sensation everywhere in my body, horrible anxiety, and the dreaded akathisia which was by far the worse symptom. I became suicidal and made an emergency appt. with a psychiatrist (not the one who initially prescribed it) who talked to me for 15 minutes and said this was proof I needed to be on the drug for the rest of my life. She proceeded to up my dose back to 30mg. I slowly started to feel better and the experience was enough to scare me away from attempting to taper off for several years. In Dec. 2006 after I get out of that relationship I feel something needs to change in my life. I was very unhappy with who I was. So I once again start to taper from 37.5mg. In 2008 I make it 20mg and decide to take a break. I go out with friends, I drink ALOT. Sleeping, smoking pot, eating, and drinking alcohol are my favorite activities. The break lasts for a whole year. In 2009 I commence my taper, but I notice it's getting a lot harder, which would make sense since besides the crash in 2002 I have never been on a dose lower than 20mg. I have to reduce my drops to less than 5%. At around 15mg in Aug. 2009 I get a part time job I love but I'm so scared of having WD at work that I take even smaller drops. In a year at that job I drop about 3mg. In 2010 I start to have stomach problems and anxiety increases. I have to stop eating red meat completely as I notice it makes my stomach problems worse. I carry a bottle of Pepto Bismol in my purse with me everywhere I go. Stomach problems give me anxiety and vice versa so it's a vicious cycle. Finally in Aug. 2010 I'm spending most of my time at my job in the bathroom so I decide to quit the best job I ever had. Probably just as well as about a month later is when the crap really hits the fan. In late September I take a 4% drop from 11.8 to 11.4. I get a little depression after about a week. Two weeks after that I try to eat a bit of red meat and visit the website of someone I used to know and it makes me very anxious. Several hours later I begin to feel very nauseous and anxious. I finally make myself throw up and feel a little better. I sleep a lot the next two days. The day after that however I stop sleeping completely. My anxiety goes into overdrive. I have no appetite and can't eat. I feel shaky, and depressed. My brain has forgotten how to sleep all of a sudden although I have never had insomnia in my entire life previous to this. If I do pass out it is for less than a hour. For 9 days I sleep one hour every 3 days. I see weird cartoony things when I close my eyes. I hear things that I know are not there. Once I had an awful bloody image flash into my mind out of nowhere when trying to fall asleep that "woke me up" with a gasp. I try everything over the counter: Benadryl, herbal sleep pills, melatonin, valerian. Nothing works. Finally someone gives me some Xanax and Trazadone. I take .50mg of Xanax and 25mg of Trazadone. Instead of sleeping one hour I sleep two. The next day I am more groggy than the night before and I am FINALLY able to sleep 5-6 very broken hours. I also updose to 12mg. I start to feel a little better but this doesn't last long. Three weeks later my stomach starts acting up again and I am unable to sleep. Not only am I unable to sleep but now every time I am about to fall asleep my body violently jerks awake. It is torture. I decide to start dropping again. I find I feel a little better after a drop but it doesn't last long. I start to drop every 3 weeks. The depression is still so bad cause I don't know what's wrong with me and my body keeps jerking awake, usually all night. I become suicidal and try to suffocate myself one night. Then I realize, I DON'T want to die. I just don't want to keep living like this. By the grace of God I make it through. I lose about 15 pounds in 4 weeks. I guess this brings us up to present, fifteen months after that "rough patch" or "mini crash". I still have no idea what caused it. The jerks are still here and still drive me insane but thankfully they have weakened and are not as relentless (usually) as they used to be. My sleep has never been the same since. I take magnesium and melatonin every night to sleep. If I get even slightly stimulated good or bad I am unable to sleep. Even going out with friends stimulates me too much and I am unable to sleep. I can't exercise for even 10 minutes cause it makes my jerks worse. I am still not working. I have found it has gotten even harder under 10mg. I have gone from tapering every 3 weeks to every six weeks. From 4% drops to not even being able to do 2.5% drops. I taper .1mg every 6 weeks. At this rate it will take me 6+ years to get to off if I can at all. I read on the other forum about someone who was going as slow as me and she STILL crashed at 6mg. I'm very hopeless. I am so freaking sensitive to drops and can't imagine how I will ever get off this poison. It has been three years since I started tapering from 20mg and I'm not even close to being off. I'm too scared to switch to Prozac because of all the horror stories I've heard and the fact that it is notoriously activating. If I try to hold on a dose longer than 7 weeks I feel very bad. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Really don't know how to proceed and if I will ever get my life back. I am 31 now and would very much be able to have kids someday. I'm single and have been for a long time cause I can't even go out anymore and meet people. When I do go out, I don't sleep like I said. So that's it. Thanks if you took the time to read this LONG, LONG introduction. I pray for all you guys and I hope you will pray for me too. XX
  21. hi,all been on &off antidepressants for 20 yrs but never felt this crummy.since stopping Paroxetine have had flu-like symptoms ,then fatigue loss of appetite,taste changes,eye problems(excessive blinking actually started while on it,that's why I quit).depression,anxiety,just miserable,wondering if I should reinstate or just try & hang in there.I was on it about 6 mos.stopped May 4 after about 7 wk taper.thanks for any suggestions
  22. I have been on various doses of Paxil for 30 years. I was great using as little as 10mg for many years. I’m now going thru menopause and this summer has been hell. In June I went from 40mg of regular Paxil to 75mg of the CR. In early August my physiatrist lowered it to 50mg CR. Since then, I’m having episodes of anxiety and depression. I went to my GP yesterday and she wants to taper me off Paxil altogether and start Zoloft. I’ve been reading these horror stories and am scared and lonely. Does anyone have any suggestions? Oh..forgot to mention Gyno started me on Hormones last week too.
  23. Hi everyone, I'm Mark, living in Marseille, south east of France, I'm 36 yo. I began Paxil (Deroxat in France), in 1999, given for a "IBS" (irritative bowel syndrom)... 20mg a day (1999-2014). 2010-2014 were the best years of my life, friends, family, job, music, soccer, etc etc... Mid-2014 I decided by myself to reduce Paxil. So, I started to take 20mg a day, then 10mg next day, then 20, then 10 ... End 2014, jav/fev 2015, I took 10, 5, 10, 5.. then 5mg... 2 weeks after being at 5 mg / day, my life turned to hell. Many symptoms occured weeks after weeks : Nausea, dizziness, lightheadness, belly ache, loss of appetite, tinnitus, electric schocks when moving eyes... Then i thought about my paxil reduction... I re-start 10mg in 2015, then 20mg since january 2016, but my symptoms are still here... Now, I just wanna die with those awful nausea all day, dizziness etc... Sometimes I have 1, 2, 3 days where symptoms seem to reduce, then they retstart awfully... In 2015 I had all medical examination to exclude other problem : Colonoscopie, Pillcam (for small intestine), Ultrasound, 2 Belly MRI, 2 head MRI, tons of blood analysis, eyes tests, inner ears tests, etc, etc... Nothing found... I saw more than 20 doctors in 18 month (gastro, neuro, diagnosticians, ENT, opthalmo, psychiatrists...). None want to listen me, and all say that's not a problem with my paxil, because Withdrawal least no more than few weeks... I'm here, to claim for help. i really need somebody who understands me, who well knows withdrawal problems, etc... I don't understand why I don't feel better since I have re-taken 20 mg... Sorry for my bad english.
  24. Hi everybody, My name is Grégory, I'm french, 35 years old. Here's my story : I started Paxil (paroxetine in France) in 2002 because of anxiety, 40 mg for 5 years, and then 20 mg for 5 another years. In 2012 I tried a withdrawal in 1 month, and I started to suffer from pain and burning sensations in my legs, and depression. One month later I reinstated Paxil 20 mg, and after some weeks, I felt better. I stayed 2 years like this. In november 2013 I retried a withdrawal, 20 mg a day, 10 mg the next day, 20 mg again the next day etc during 3 months -> then 10 mg for 3 other months -> then 10 mg/5 mg/10 mg for 3 months -> then 5 mg for 3 months -> then 5 mg/2,5 mg/5 mg for 3 months -> then 2,5 mg for 3 months. During this withdrawal (a year and a half) I had some back pain, I thought it was my discopathy that got worse, and when I was in 2,5mg for 4 months, the pain in my legs suddenly reappeared strongly, and the depression. I tried to reinstate 5 mg for a week, but a morning I had been wake by a short ring in my ears. I made an anxiety attack and I felt so bad that my family send me to a psychiatrist that sent me to a psychiatric hospital. They gave to me a lot of medication, they stopped paxil and gave to me chlomipramine, abilify, tranxene and a sleeping drug (I forgot the name) I was like a zombie. So I decided to leave one week later. I suffered from akathisia, and a lot of side effects. It was really horrible. So I stopped all the drugs and I decided to go back to paxil, 20 mg because I thought it was the best for me. Of course it was a big, big mistake. I didn't made the connection with the short ring in my ears 3 weeks ago. 1 hours after taking the only pill, a constant tinnitus appeared in my ears... So I decided immediately to stop everything, and day after day the tinnitus decreased. 3 weeks later it was completely gone, it lasted one week. After that it reappeared slowly, it was 3 months ago. Since that the tinnitus increase slowly, sometimes I can't sleep. Because of that I have a nervous breakdown. The pain in my back and my legs are a little less intense but I have no windows since I stopped Paxil. I read a lot of information about antidepressant withdrawal, a lot of testimony, in particular in your forum, the tinnitus topic, the 'reinstating and stabilizing' topic, etc..... Now please could you give me your advice ? Because I think that the pains are withdrawal symptoms and the tinnitus an adverse reaction, isn't it ? But isn't it strange that an adverse reaction goes away after a moment, then reappears and increases ? It's more like a withdrawal symptom ! I'm really lost. Thanks for your help !
  25. Hello, I a new to the site. I have been on SSRI antidepressants for going on 18 years. I was placed on them at around the age of 26 or 27 years old when my Mom passed with cancer. I have been on 30 mg Paxil ( Paroxetine ) now for several years and have been pretty stable until it recently appears to have quit working. I started to suffer from extreme panic attacks, excessive thoughts of worry, and other physical symptoms as well. These have been coming and going for no apparent reason. I seen my doctor yesterday and she thinks that the Paxil has quit working and also feels that this medication comes with a lot of side effects and would be a good idea to get completely off of the medication. She placed me on a schedule to start tapering off of the medication and she also prescribed me Buspirone if I start to feel like I need to try something else for the anxiety. She has worked with several patients when it comes to getting off of Paroxetine and advised that it is different for everyone, but I should be able to get completely off w/in a month. Then if I haven't started taking the Buspar I can evaluate if medication is even needed. I would love to be able to get completely off of antidepressants all together and get my life back. Just wondering what kind of side effects I can expect and also wondering if there is any advise out there to help out. I do have .25 mg of Xanex on hand in event that I have a panic attack, but I seldom ever take one. I almost wonder if the Paroxetine have started to make my anxiety worsen. I would love to get completely off of the medication and get my life back and just be me. I started my 1st taper yesterday from 30 to 25 and plan to stay there for at least a week.
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