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  1. Hi folks, First of all I'm new to this site, so feel free to tell me I'm in the wrong area or redirect me.. But here's my story... I currently have what I think is severe anhedonia. Last July, I was a bit depressed (I stress a bit, not majorly).......doctor gave me lexapro 10. After taking this, I vomited on the first night and developed sleep problems. Later in the week, I was given 25 seroquel which apparently would help balance out adverse effects of lexapro.......by the end of the week, I wasn't sleeping and I was suicidal. I subsequently was admitted to hospital. In hospital, I got more and more meds thrown at me and my mid august I was on 125 seroquel, 30 mirtazapine, 20 lexapro, 20 Olanzapine/Zyprexa....My main problem was the medication ripped my stomach apart.....the docs didn't believe me and just gave me more and more meds. I left hospital anyway on the concoction I mentioned.....I spent the following four months on these meds. During those four months, I felt no emotion whatsever, nothing. I felt suicidal, and that I would never recover. I had no desire to do anything. I just stayed in bed until late in the day, even though my sleep did not feel like real sleep. By mid November, i realised that the medication was messing me up, I demanded that I gradually come off everything. On that day, the doctor dropped the mirtazapine, and cut everything else in half. There was a quick taper, maybe too quick, and by christmas eve I was off everything. There were brief windows of emotion during the taper but still 95% anhedonia. Days after I went off everything....I cried for the first time in six months.....days later I laughed for the first time in months... I'm now 6 weeks off everything, I had huge headaches up unitl last week. My stomach started to improve after going off everything and is on the mend. However, I'm still worried about emotions/desires/thoughts etc.....over the last six weeks....I've had maybe 5 occassions where I felt strong positive emotions...and maybe 3 times where I've been sad/angry to the point of proper crying. outside of those 8 occassions, there's still an awful amount of flat feeling, apathy etc... I'm worried and wonder how long or if I will recover at all. Feedback welcome!!
  2. Hello, here is my abreviated story.I have been taking 20mg of Lexapro since 01-09, going through bitter divorce. Last Jan. I was in a MVA and had shoulder surg. 03-16 and spinal fusion 01-03-17. During my treatment, I began to see changes in my health. IE elevated blood pressure, weight gain, and changes in my bloodwork. B.P. I could kinda explain :white coat syndrome, weight gain: changes in my physical activity blood work: ?. So, I wanted to clear my system and see where I was "at" emotionally and physically. My taper was really non existent after reading posts on this site. I decided to "wean" myself off of the Lexapro probably a week after surgery. I just went from 20mg to 10mg. for about 10 days then went to 5mg. for about a week and then did every other day of 5mg. for about a week. BAD BAD IDEA. Hindsight is 20/20. It has been terrible, I have had about every withdrawn symptom I have read about. I definately know now that I have shocked my system to the extreme. I dont know what to do. My Dr. has a deer in the headlight look about the withdraw. So, Help, do I just pray for each day to get better, start taking a low dose again and wean properly? Im lost. Now with all that being said, here is where I am at with my symptoms. My dizzyness and what I call the "WA WAs" has decressed greatly, but I still experience it daily, my dreams have become a little more "normal" not anything like the terrors I was experiencing, like waking my wife, screaming out in my sleep. I still have a constant headache, and neck stress, and I have fairly significant insomnia. I just want to do the "right" thing going forward to get my life back. I hope it doesnt take years. Thanks for any insight h20fowler.
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