Search the Community

Hi, new to this, I've never really felt like opening up about my issues before, but this is too important to me. First off, I have a amazing family, lovely wife, 3 kids, nice home, 2 cats , which I love to bits. My wife has always struggled with herself from issues from her past and has been on antidepressants for years and coped with it well, with me helping her for the last 16 years. I'm a type 1 diabetic who has struggled with looking after myself, really accepting it's real, even after many years. 3 years ago I lost my grandad and took it hard, deeper than I thought I would, then my nan passed away a year later, then my last grandparent left us. I was a mess. my wife helped my get help from the gp which was hard opening up about it all, who then put me on 30 mg citalopram, and it did help, stopped me feeling the pain. Well feeling any thing really, untill a month ago when my wife had a go at me about how I was being, i needed to come off them, I didn't care about me, causing mood swings which my amazing wife took the brunt of, didn't care about work, the kids any thing, stuff just came routine. My wife could have dropped dead and I think I would have struggled it off and Carried on, I came off them a month and a half ago and only really feeling myself again in the last few weeks, after starting to really look after myself, and realising what I've been like, neglecting my wife kids the lot, I haven't been close to any of them, especially my wife who I adored with every once of my being before all this. My wife has been distant the last few months, and I can understand why with my being a moody stranger really, last week she said she wants a divorce after christmas is over and she doesnt feel any thing for me any more, I dont think I would have cared before but with all these feeling coming back to the surface it has broken me, shattered my world that was coming back into view. I now know I've been a bad husband through all this, and I cant appologise enough for it. I've tried telling her how I felt, how I feel now, how i felt trapped in myself and how sorry i am for putting her through it all. But to no avail, it doesnt matter any more, she feels like her love has faded away. 8 months ago her doctor changed her antidepressants to the same ones I was on, citalopram, which she takes along side another one to control a jaw misalignment issue, which she did with the previous antidepressants. What I'm terrified of is, if after coming off those tablets I realised what was going on with my feelings, are her feelings real or are the citalopram doing to her what the did to me, and they are taking it all away and she doeant know it. I dont know what to do for the best Accept my fait or punishment, or try to talk about my fears about the tablets, possibly see a doctor together to change them and see how she feels, if she will. All I know is these citalopram tablets are evil , and I wish I had researched them before I accepted them, and I dont want my wife taking them any more after how they made me feel, without even knowing it. Ian Sorry for the ramble, it's hard to write down

Hi everyone, I was wondering if anyone had any experience dating while being in WD? I am still not feeling great and have long way to go but I am better than where I was a year ago and was thinking about trying to go on a date and meeting someone special. It gets lonely and I am in my early 30s and get worried that the clock is ticking and I will end up as a lonely woman with 30 cats and dogs. I struggle with fatigue, anxiety, dizziness and some dp/dr. I got an advice that I should try to live as of a normal life as I can and get myself out there. Of course easier said than done. Maybe it can help to take my mind off things, but then I worry about how do I explain to that person that I cannot hang out bc I am not feeling well and going through WD or that I cannot drink? Maybe it is better to wait until I am much better, but at the same time I do not know when this will be. Any experience and advice will be greatly appreciated. B.

I started taking pristiq some time in June. I started feeling like I wanted to avoid my family and just go out by myself. I never want to cuddle or be intimate with my husband anymore and I all of a sudden want attention from other people. This is extremely out of character for me. I dont know if its the medication or what but its really scaring me. I feel like i could just run away from my life and not look back but I know this isnt me. Has any been in a similat situation??? I'm feeling so helpless.

I am a little over a month into this part of my tapering story, (Celexa-free now) and last week I had a lot of anxiety, which did not come as a surprise to me. I had somatic obsessions, tactile hallucinations, paranoia, and sometimes I wince from the intrusive thoughts or images that come up. My partner has been witnessing moments of this struggle which sparked a discussion. She says it hurts her to see me in pain and she urged me to think more critically about why I am doing what I am doing. When I tried to explain that sometimes withdrawal is just hard and requires patience, she said that I was rationalizing everything and didn't have any plan in place for when I should stop what I was doing or increase dosages again. She feels as if I don't leave enough room for her feelings or take into account how my actions in this process affect our relationship. She does not have personal experience with mental illness or medication which for some reason makes hearing that from her feel even harder. I feel judged in moments, though I really do think this is my own projection, and as a result I am not able to comfortably voice how I feel. I responded to all of this rather defensively. It felt like she wasn't trusting me to know what I need and it also seemed like this process, (which is hard for me already) was burdensome to her somehow. I felt like this is incredibly challenging for me and I need her amazing strength, love, and support right now, more than ever. I care so much about how she feels and this relationship but I want to be in control of this very personal process. She also thinks I am undergoing this journey in hopes of an idealized vision of reality without medication. While I do have hope for what life might be like drug-free, I try really hard to stay grounded and not have too many expectations. Maybe she's right in that regard. I don't know how to create more space for her to have feelings about how I'm feeling. It feels messy. I start dissociating during our conversations and losing time, losing information. She is very sharp and has an amazing memory so I simply cannot compete. We have barely talked in the past two days, we both feel really frustrated. We have both explicitly stated our needs and yet this still does not feel resolved. Neither of us can seem to relax into a willing state of mind until the other does. I feel so angry and I can't tell where it is coming from. Does anyone relate to this? I'm not sure how to move forward? Otto

I am ashamed of how I've been acting in the last 3-4 months. My emotions are like a ping-pong ball, and I find myself trying to make big life decisions (changing careers, moving countries, breaking up a relationship, withdrawing from friends, OCD) even though I do not really have any capacity to. I need help and advice to self-soothe and not "dump" this all on my beloved boyfriend. At the moment, the only thing that works is when I work really hard at my job. It's the only time I am able to achieve some reprieve from the mental rituals in my head. Also, how long should I wait before I can reasonably expect to be in my "right" mind again to make life decisions? I have been drug-free for 4 months (yay!).

My husband of 30 years, 3 adult boys, has had panic attacks in the past 5 years. He was on and off escitalopram at different times. His sister, a pharmacist and naturopath (!), convinced him to take it indefinitely to help him with his serotonin levels. That has been about a year now. He gets his prescription from the family doctor who does nothing but bloodwork. He previously took 10 mg, but just told me he moved it down to 5 mg. He has taken business coaching seminars and now finds himself a well-adjusted expert. His aggression levels toward me have gotten worse. He definitely, IMHO, has emotional blunting. He is in denial. All of my concerns and problems are brushed aside with the comment that I require coaching. I actually have consulted with 2 psychologists, both which confirmed that I am fine and yes, we need therapy together. We are now going to a therapist together, just having had 4 sessions. I mentioned his SSRI and the possibility of discontinuing it. He went through the roof, threatened to leave the room, said I was wasting money on therapy, it was not up for discussion. I am very glad that he lost his composure and the therapist got to see a little of what I deal with. It took the therapist close to 10 minutes to calm him down. I don't think DH realizes what he demonstrated. On the down side, the therapist is not medically trained and thinks he should continue with the SSRI. We live in Europe in a non English speaking country. The therapist does not read English fluently. DH does speak fluently - but I have a feeling, he won't even look at this information I have prepared. His new friends from the coaching seminar (3 months training, 1 year ago) are very important to him. Which makes sense to me because he needs new input and kicks to feel positive. He is very indifferent to me, has stopped verbal aggressiveness since the therapy, mostly by avoiding me at home. The agressiveness was bad and could have been for very trivial things like an empty carton. He has been unemployed for >2 years, previously being at a high level position. Age 55, very athletic, dynamic and younger looking. However, I wonder if other people can see or tell that he may be on an SSRI - albeit a small dose. The fact that he has always been very sports oriented was always a little suspicious to me. If we went on a hike together, the goal was to hike as fast as possible. In his other sports, I cannot keep up with him and we do not even attempt it. I also have found my own therapist. A previous medical doctor that got into psychotherapy. It is good to have someone to talk to but I have yet to find a benefit to it. So what am I looking for? Basically a forum to discuss having a family member with this problem. I really don't know how long I can put up with this. If he would recognize the problem, it would make a big difference. If he could get a job that would help me some temporarily. Interview upcoming. Thank you for this informative website. Any comments?

Hello All, Not sure if I am posting in the right section, so apologies in advance. I am feeling quite lonely within no one to turn to on the same wave length.. I've been trying to get hold of a shrink I started seeing a few months ago. Left 3 messages asking him to confirm our regular sessions after a holiday break but he has not responded. I know that he is around, as I dialled his number by mistake yesterday and he did answer it. Unfortunately, I couldn't talk as I was not calling him. Anyway... The very sad is that the fact of him not calling me back, makes me feel,.for some ridiculous reasons, inferior and a bad person! My worth depends on whether he calls me or not! I KNOW it's ridiculous and probably due to my general feeling down and out of sorts but this awareness doesn't makes much of the difference... I also feel like a "bad " person, this feeling I'd experienced even before taking the meds so it's not a withdrawal..Probably, this badness has some routs in my childhood, whatever, now it feels real as ever... Sorry for putting it out there, I don't know who to turn too. After all, my psychotherapist is ignoring me (probably I've done something wrong, "bad girl "). Anyway, thank you for reading it and any thoughts, words of the encouragement would be appreciated... F47 PS Really, getting disappointed with the psychoanalysts here in France..