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  1. drugged

    Check In: Iowa

    Anyone in east or central Iowa, southeast Minnesota?
  2. Hi, I'm Sean, I'm in Hampshire, England and I'm a newly arrived member on this forum. I hope to share experiences with others who have suffered the anguish of iatragenic illness and the horrendous withdrawal associated with SSRIs. There is much I could tell about my ten years on escitalopram and it's impact on day to day living and but this would itself probably turn into War and Peace! I'll furnish the details in future posts. As of now, the wonderful thing I can tell you is that after two years of tapering, I've been successfully SSRI free for 8 months. Withdrawing from these drugs is the most difficult thing I have ever done, but it is possible and the act of writing this confirms my experience is proof. To those of you struggling, please don't lose heart. I can positively report that certain things that were significantly impacted by the drug are returning; a return of motivation, energy, cognitive clarity, libido and a sense of purpose. All really positive. Any return of anxiety is managed through mindfulness, exercise and healthy living. However, something that has thoroughly blindsided me and for which I was totally unprepared, is the re-awakening of my emotional system. This has been particularly excruciating as I have been brought to the devastating realisation that my feelings of attachment and love in a particularly precious recent relationship were blunted and numbed to the point of apathy and resignation. So much so, that all the feelings that should have been there at the time are now resurging in the most painful way, leaving me experiencing extraordinary regret and sorrow at the eventual disintegration of this (partly due to SSRI-induced lack of vitality and libido on my part). I have no adequate way of explaining this to the dear soul in question, whom I certainly loved before but now feel for more deeply than I could ever imagine. Prior to this, seven years ago, I lost my spouse in unexpected and tragic circumstances and it seems that the grief cycle, which was again, blunted, is also taking hold in the way it should have when she passed away. I am so often gripped by bouts of weeping in sorrow and deep regret. I had no conception that I could feel love in such a profound and extraordinary capacity. It is excruciating and utterly consuming as, it seems I am mourning the loss of two cherished relationships, which I was never able to adequately grieve for. This, combined with the loss of career due to escitalopram-induced apathy and fatigue is haunting and devastating. It feels as if these drugs have stolen everything that was once beautiful and promising in my life. I'm now in my early forties, alone and struggling to make ends meet, it's a really challenging time. I'm wondering if anyone has any similar stories to tell regarding the resurgence of emotion? Does this echo with any of you brave souls out there? I feel very much alone in this and many don't seem to really understand. On the one hand, I'm so grateful being able to feel emotion again but on the other, I'm devastated at the utter wasteland these drugs have left in their wake. It's truly akin to emerging from a coma. Any advice would be gratefully received. I also have much to give and share on enduring withdrawal successfully, which I intend to do here over the coming weeks and months. Thanks for reading. The best of my wishes and courage to all of you fighting this battle; never lose heart and please always remember the light!
  3. Hey all. This is intended to be a support document for those who's partner is suddenly behaving differently on ADs, has left the relationship abruptly (or threatens to), and a very common pattern we have seen over and over again due to how these medications affect the brain. The goal is to provide partners with support, an idea of what to expect on both sides of the equation (the medicated person, or the non-medicated partner), and what it is like for the relationship after awhile, whether steps have been taken to come off of the meds or not. I have been working on this for awhile and want to continue to share progress, as well as update with feedback from all of you on an ongoing basis. This information is also posted on the facebook page Marriages Destroyed by Antidepressants. But there are a lot of people here on SA that have posted their stories, update their progress on tapering or on their relationships. I would love for this information to be as complete and as helpful as possible for anyone seeking support and guidance when their relationships have come under this kind of fire. I am looking for honest feedback, comments, suggestions or anything that you think stands out as very accurate. Or anything that might need to be added. I will also be adding a 4th page to this for useful links, like to studies of SSRI induced indifference, apathy, and the forum pages on Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness , and to Marriages destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix here on SA. Thank you for your comments and feedback! (Picture 1 of 3 below)
  4. Hi, first time posting. No experience with Antidepressants but my girlfriend just started taking them I've known her for 4 years now and we are long distance. I've been planning on making the move to her state very soon but she recently got on an SSRI to help with her anxiety. I think i made it clear that i'm against these drugs and she knows what's best for her, but I am so scared that she will end up loosing herself to these drugs and become a different person. I'm worried about moving there and her being a different person or her becoming distant/ less interested in me. ultimately making it a very hard move. I let her know my concerns and she wants me to support her. I wish I could but I cant get over this hunch about what might happen. Does anyone have insight? She plans on taking them for a few months, but I feel like that is enough time to do damage. Please help me understand how to handle the situation. Edit: she doesn't want to tell me which one she's taking because she doesn't want to worry me further. But its 10mg.
  5. I'm currently in a relationship of three and a half years, which has been the best of my life. My partner is incredibly loving and supportive, and despite being (rightly) sceptical about psychiatric drugs, has always supported my right to autonomy in determining what form of therapy is best for me. I couldn't ask for a better partner - the only caveat is that she currently lives in the US, while I am in the UK, so we are doing long-distance. But we communicate daily via text and have regular video calls, and I'm hoping to move out there later this year. More recently, my constant mood swings (which I believe are the result of SSRI 'poop-out,' as they closely resemble my previous w/d symptoms) have been putting a strain on our relationship. Because of the time difference, I'll sometimes stay up late at night talking to her, and this is when my thought patterns can be the most circular and detached from reality - when I'm the most prone to 'neuro-emotions.' I keep seeking reassurance from her about our relationship, which has always been rock solid, and this is clearly making her stressed and unhappy. I feel horrible and I keep promising myself I'll stop, but my brain keeps finding new ways of tricking me into doing it again. She takes everything I say very seriously, even if it's fairly nonsensical or flat-out contradicts things I've said before, and it can be difficult to convince her that my thoughts were 'just' neuro-emotions after the fact. Does anyone have tips for managing this side of things in a close relationship? Going into a taper I feel like the neuro-emotions will be an ongoing problem, and I'm afraid of losing my ability to be a reliable and emotionally supportive partner.
  6. What do you do when the people closest to you don't understand what you are going through? Or how the things they ask of you affect you? My wife fluctuates between being totally loving and supportive, to just not understanding what I am dealing with at all. For instance, she just texted me now (I'm at work, which is a whole level of suffering during withdrawal all its own, as most of you know). She wants me to stop on my way home at her sister's house to pick up some leftovers. But my commute - which is long and can have heavy traffic if I don;t time it perfectly - is one of my key stress triggers. So making a variation in it is filling me with dread. My heart is starting to race! Also, what if her sister wants to engage in conversation? Conversation is another stress trigger for me! And after I disappear only 2 hours into the family Easter party (due to huge anxiety), she's probably full of questions (we haven't really told her what's going on). I don't get it. One minute, my wife is the most sympathetic person in the world, but then she gets tunnel vision and thinks I should just deal. I can't say no to getting the food, because that could trigger an argument - talk about stress then! So what do you guys do when you are faced with people not understanding what you are going through? Is there a video we can show them? SJ
  7. I am now in my seventh month of protracted withdrawal syndrome (I had to go cold turkey because of sub-acute serotonin syndrome --mostly parkinsonism and brain fog erupting into a lethal level of high blood pressure and analphylaxis -- new one!). I am now worse than I was last winter when I was bedridden. Biggest problems all center around my autonomic nervous system -- sleeping, eating, blood pressure, neuropathies, as well as a deep depression. Of course, I have had a lifetime of major depressive disorder -- but I really fought my way through it. I was fun, funny, and high achieving! I am now for the first time emotionally numb (can't even cry). For the past ten years I was depressed and on increasing doses of meds (why I am here) but got by (and actually excelled at some things, like my teaching) until I became ill. I am now on disability and can't imagine working again. I had been obsessed with suicide for several months. Can't do it -- I have a beautiful adult son and a loving husband. I also have a lovely home I now can barely leave. So the big question is, how do people experiencing this find hope, strength, things they can do, and and a life to live? I also feel so shunned -- by friends and even doctors! Have some great stalwarts by my side, but I really can't do much now. My life has turned into the couch for the most part I would so appreciate encouraging and kind words! (Silver lining -- my new appreciation for kind, good people!)
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