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  1. Hello there , this by far is best blog , I haven't recently deleted all other pages or blogs talking about surviving antidepressants and I'm bound here. I have a daily routine now to read 2 or 3 success stories as a hopeful reminder;) so thank you!!!! I have been off Lexapro and Trintellix for nearly 2 month, after been on them for 6 month only . Still on a low dose of benzo rivotril to help me thru the discontinuation My story: I was an active mom of 4, Life was beautiful till I got a sudden panic attack haven't experienced in 15 years due to a traumatic scene, vulnerable rushed to psych put me on Lexapro for 3 month 20 mg (anxoety decreased by 20% but depression and ahedonia kicked in!!! Was never like that, I would say benzo helped the most, unstoppable apathy and crying) , changed psych told her the Lexapro made me more depressed and flatlined, she tapered me too quickly from 20mg to 5 mg in 4 weeks of Lexapro as well as put me on Trintellix same time going up from 5mg to 20mg ! I crashed !!!!!! All emotional symptoms intensified 10x stronger ! I reinstated back to 10mg Lexapro for about a month then started weaning down to zero in about a month (which I know now was too fast) and weaned off Trintellix too (too fast) . Still taking the benzo though , dosage changes depending on need but never exceeded the max dose. Now my symptoms are : -:compelte Ahedona , lack of zest and zero motivation (unlike the old me completly) - sleep.is fine but it's my only escape - wake up w dread kind of feeling and anxiety - nervous system on edge all the time, relaxation is forgotten word . - no physical symptoms other than headaches - ugly intrusive thoughts - unstoppable crying spells - heightened nervous system - constant Fear of Losing Control of myself is haunting me ! What I did : journal progress acupuncture (helped but only during session) neurofeedback (same as above) chiropractor (unuseful) homeopathy (not useful) naturopathy : take Omega 3 fish oil + b complex + magnesium + used 5htp (got me headaches but no good feelings) Did a hormonal test found my dhea and testosterone is high and ratio of oestrogen and progesterone is not good , doing a neurotransmitters level testing and waiting for results I feel I'm a different person completely, started to reject driving because I don't want to be alone and still am not happy, seeing my kids and being unable to engage with them is killing me Questions : -I'm confused now whether my symptoms are driving my ugly intrusive thoughts or vice versa ? - What to do ? - Helpful supplements ? - How long from your experience to healing, knowing that I have been on the meds for only 6 month ?. - Will this traumatic experience continue to haunt me ? - Is this fear of losing control normal? - benzo has been the only calming thing , I know it has it's own withdrawals but I have stopped it a few times haven't felt great wd reaction like with AD . Is it ok to continue just till my nervous system recalibrate and my happinness hormones kick in again or being on the benzo will stop the natural healing to take place ? Trying cbd oil , nothing close to the effect of a benzo My husband is pushing me to go to a psych again but im battling not to , I just want to want to LIVE again and just have peace of mind and be happy! Help !
  2. Hello all, I`m new here. I`m also a member of benzobuddies.org forum. English is not my first language so I appologize for possible grammar mistakes in advance. The reason I joined your forum is that I`d like to come off Mirtazapine and Buspirone asap. I`ve been suffering from anxiety disorders since I was a teenager (I`m 37). I was diagnosed with GAD and SF. In the course of time a depression developed too, but nothing serious. In June 2013 I started to attend a psychotherapy due to social phobia which helped me much. My issues with psych drugs started after a renal colic followed by a surgery in April 2015. In May 2015 I first saw a psychiatrist in my life. I was looking for some relief. A huge mistake! She prescribed me Zoloft 50mg. At the very first night I got a horrible panic attack which I`d never had before. This repeated next night. I went to ER next morning and got prescribed Rivotril 0.5 mg twice a day. I had to stop taking Zoloft two weeks afterwards and got another antidepressant called Trittico (trazodone) which had no positive effect. I tried to come off Rivotril after two months, tapering 1/4 of the pill every week. I had terrible withrawal symptoms. I only survived a few weeks without Rivotril and then started to get panic attacks at night. So I began to take Rivotril again, this time only 0.5 mg divided into two daily doses which was sufficient for me. It was last September. I also went to another psychiatrist`s. We`ve tried severeal meds like escitalopram, moclobemidum, venlafaxinum, olanzapin, lamotriginum, mianserin so far to help me get rid of Rivotril. Only venlafaxinum (Olwexya) helped me with my depression, but it had side effects like restless legs and bad sleep with severe sweating so I had to stop taking it after six months (at the begining of April). I made three unsuccessful attempts to come off Rivotril while I was taking Olwexya. My depression returned, I started to feel drowsy and tired all day. I started my next taper attempt at the end of June. I took one 1/4 of the pill in the morning and 1/2 of the pill in the evening. One week later I took 1/4 of the pill both in the morning and evening. At night I had a nightmare, slept very bad. My withdrawal symptoms were: sleep disturbances, increased anxiety, social phobia, perceptual distortions, depression, poor memory and concentration, intrusive memories, weakness, fatigue, influenza-like symptoms, dizziness, nausea, diarrhoea, dry mouth, metallic taste, sweating, halucinations. My doctor said I couldn`t be phyzically addicted only on 0.5 mg. Very funny. At the end of July when I was on dose 0.2mg, I was hospitalized because I couldn`t go to work. They stopped giving me Rivotril almost immediatelly. I didn`t want to take any new pills. I just wanted some help to survive the withdrawal. I agreed with Buspirone because I considered it the least harmful. But later they tried to give me something to beat my insomnia - Atarax, Quetiapine, Valdoxan. Mitrazapine was the first one which alowed me to sleep. I didn`t feel any side efects besides horrible dizziness when I went to the toilet at night. Two weeks later they added Venlafaxine (California rocket fuel). I had many side effects including terrible panic attacks which I complained about. After all the meds my dizziness got worse. On September 9th I was released from the hospital. I agreed with my doctor to stop Venlafaxine 75mg within 10 days (I took it only for three weeks). Last Wednesday when I was still on 25mg withdrawal hit me. I had vivid dreams, influenza-like symptoms, mood swings and cry spells and terrible dizziness. It`s much better now except the dizziness. The dizziness is literaly ruining my life. I feel like I was constantly drunk. I can`t drive and I even refrain from walking. I suspect both Buspirone and Mirtazapine are the cause. I definetely can`t live with Mirtazapine because I sleep 12 hours day and still feell drowsy and tired all the time. I have no energy. They say my dizziness is somatized anxiety but I don`t believe it. Anyways, current medication has done nothing with it. I`d like to ask for your opinion which one I should start to taper first or whether I can taper them both at the same time? I`ve been taking them only for about two months. 10% taper a month seems very slow to me. I`ve never had big issues when coming of antidepressants. What do you think? Thank you.
  3. Hello, i have been quite down for a few months and had panic attacks for stress this summer after trying many natural remedies a month ago I went to a psychiatrist who prescribed 25mg sertraline to take once a day for five days and then take full 50mg capsule after that. Whilst waiting for the effect of the ssr1 i was to take rivotril 3 drops twice daily. I immediately felt better but at the same time a bit estranged so i asked whether i could continue on the 25mg dose and use rivotril only when needed for the anxiety attacks. He said ok. I have been feeling a bit down again so he said I should take the full 50mg dose (i am a woman of 51yrs, 5ft 11 and weigh 62kg) I would not want to double the dose and actually am thinking of quitting. Can the tapering down be faster as ive been on this zoloft sertraline only 1month and never used anything else before? Is there a milder calming effect remedy that can be used? thank you for your help
  4. Moderator's note: link to RainbowDbc's benzo thread - RainbowDbc: What should I do now? Hi everyone..My name is Diana. I am 30 years old. I have been on many drugs but particularly rivotril and lithium. It all started at the age of of 18. I had a psychotic episode and was labeled as bipolar. I didnt have a history before on mood swings or any bipolar traits. So they gave me many drugs and I was convinced I needed them. I was told maby lies. That my brain needed or did not produce enough lithium. That it was for life. I gradually developed insomnia and was given rivotril. 5 years later I realized my body and brain had changed a lot. I started to investigate on youtube and other sources. But no one listened. I was coerced by police my psychoatrists especially my parents. I was being forced on meditation even though my instinct told me it was the wrong path. Its been another 5 years. My memory is gone, I have mental fatigue, I am not creative or very empathic anymore or expressive and spontaneous. My life has turned grey. I feel generally stupid and cannot hold a task for too long. I have tapered from 3 pills to one and am having experiences that werentbthere before. Suicide ideation, fatigue, strong insomnia, feeling empty or adhedonia...generally like my brain is really sick and fragile. I have angry bursts but they make no sense as my braon can make all my thoughts coherent when Im a bit emotional. There is more it to my story but this is what is most prevalent. I wish I had cancer to stop this. Im 30 and have been missing out due to being so drugged and spellbinded. Id like to try amino acids and a very healthy diet..Exercise..Tanning. But I dont have a real way to do things effectively with such strong withdrawal effects. I barely want to leave the house. I dont know of anyone that has taken lithium to talk about this with. I hope anyone could give me some orientation and support. Thank you...
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