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  1. Hi all. For me the trouble started in 2009 when i was in my last semester of college. For 3 years i lived at a student home where i had the best time of my life. Partying, smoking weed, going out, hanging out, cooking the food i want, making new friends, girlfriends etc. The tought of going home again after 3 years was making me feel a little depressed during the last semester. When I eventualy was home again and started my first job it hit hard. After a week of working there i was severly depressed and couldnt sleep anymore, was anxious about a lot of things. I went to my doctor and explained my situation. He put me on mirtazipine, that worked for the insomnia but that’s it. I had side effects like beeing nauseous all the time and sometimes loosing my balance. I had a job as a technical engineer who was working on heavy and dangerous machines, so I was anxious for doing wrong things that could kill me. After a few months I went back to the doctor and told him it wasn’t working, so he put me on another AD Cymbalta. During these first months of working I also quited smoking weed, After starting the cymbalta I also started smoking again, together with that and changing jobs I got back into positive spiral, quited the cymbalta with tapering down on my doctors advice(had brainzaps for a few weeks but nothing more). That lasted till my boss changed my function in the company due to the financial crisis. After a few months in my new job I was getting depressed again and I chose to change jobs again, that was at the end of 2010. From january 2011 till september-october it went well but then I got back into the negative spiral. I went back on the cymbalta and that was the beginning of HELL. On newyears eve I went to my first goa-party and did LSD for the first time, Awsome experience! I also played poker a lot that period and occasionally then I did cocaine. At the end of february when coming back from a trip to Portugal I felt a lot of energy, no depression, feeling like the king of the world… Didn’t know this was (hypo)mania. I quited my job, I just walked out one day without saying anything never to return. From february until may I partied, went to bars, the casino, spending money, doing a lot goa-parties. Sleeping less and less because I didn’t feel tired at all, LSD,coke,weed, etc. Eventually I got into a severe manic-psychose. I was forced into a psych ward (for 30 days at first)were I was tied down in the isolation unit for a couple of weeks until I got less manic-psychotic. They gave me Zyprexa & Etumine. When I stabilized after a month and or so I heard that I was forced for another 3 months because my psychose was so severe. I tought ok, I can live with that. I changed from the crisis department in the psych ward to the addicts department. There I was left to rot ,I developed severe depression & anhedonia in a few weeks. I told to the psydoc that I was depressed and wanted Cymbalta, didn’t get it but he upped my Zyprexa, without result. A month later I said to him that it’s getting worse so he added Abilfy. That didn do anything but side effects like I couldn’t keep my legs still, my walking style changed, I stiffened in walking, my eyesight was weird I kept involuntary staring at things. During that time at the addicts department the only therapy I got was 2 times a week one hour of fitnesstherapy and the rest of time was ergotherapy, were nothing interested me. Soon I quited the ergotherapy and stayed in bed all day watching TV. After the 3 months were gone I tought it was over. Wrong, my psydoc said you are not stable! I was forced another 3 months. At the addicts department most people were talkative and I was silent. At the beginning they said to me that it will get better and understood me, but after a while no one talked to me… After some time I asked to be moved to the psychose-departement for the time I was left there. I got there and it was quiter and the nurses were friendlier and took care of the patients. But the psydoc there (a new one) forced me another 3 months there, I was in no state to leave the hospital she said. But I got my Cymbalta back, hoped it will work, but it didn. After those 3 months I wasnt forced to be there anymore but they advised that I would. I got the hell out of the psych ward! I quited the AP’s (zyprexa, Abilify) CT. At first when I was back home I stayed most of the time in my bed, I don’t think I realy had WD symptoms. Time went by and I started to do things again and had interest in wat was going on in the world. It went wrong again at some point because I was using weed and coke again. Had another manic-psychose and was forced to the psychward again. Was forced Zyphadera(liquid Zyprexa) injections, seroquel XR, depakote and diazepam. After 4-6 months I was allowed to go home and live with my parents, again I was a zombie. For months I dindn do much. I did keep taking my meds until the point I went out to go fishing a lot (mostly at night) I forgot to take my meds on regularly base, slept not enough and got manic again. I checked in to the psychward voluntarily because my parents said it was getting out of control again. After 2 hours there they told me that I was again forced to stay there… same story: stabilized after a few weeks then going down into a downwards spiral again. That was around may 2016 when I got out I was taking: zyprexa(10mg), seroquel (200mg), depakote(1000mg), trazodone(100mg) That was currently my last vacation @ the psych ward. Now I go to my usual doctor to get my Rx’s. He also given me effexor (150mg) and citalopram (10mg) for depression but I don’t think it’s working… I keep taking my meds as I should but i’m anhedonic, no interest in anything, no energy, fat because of the AP’s etc. At my last visit with my doc I asked to maybe change something to my meds because i’m tired all day and he changed my seroquel from 200 to 100mg. At that point I started to do research about withdrawal symptoms and general info about AP’s and AD’s when I got to this forum. Currently after 3 weeks of my taper from 200 to 100mg seroquel i’m feeling no WD symptoms. I’m now taking: 10mg zyprexa, 100mg seroquel, 150mg effexor, 10mg citalopram, 100mg trazodone I want to get off of as much of these drugs as possible as I fear i’m going to be a zombie for life. I don’t do weed, lsd, or coke only sometimes a lite stimulant to get something done... Any of you guys know what to taper first?
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