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  1. Mod note: link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic) I was just an 18yr old, a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really- when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations. All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once. My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month. This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs. but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem. I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now. I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me. Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache. I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived. I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system. I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness". But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact. while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care I have a good life. Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild. and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come. I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest: I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events. so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them but today, I give myself permission to bask in this feeling. it feels like the right and honest thing to do. I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem. to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery. it's worth it, believe me so very worth it!
  2. hi there guys I was put on antipsychotics because I was arguing with my mother,after 3-4 months on them,I can't feel emotions like fear,love,happiness,empathy and all this kind of stuff,also can't feel the nature,whetear,music etc,i've lost my personality,my memory,can't remember anything from my past and even from 5 minutes after,have my head empty,also I can't think at all,do you think guys this can because of the antipsychotics as well?especially the problem with the thinking,I see many people emotional numb after this pills but I don't see them having as well problem with the thinking, I don't know what to think because many people say that the pills I was taking it's not so powerfull as the other typical neoroleptics,first I was on haloperidol but everything was okey,outside the thing that I wasn;t able to get angry,but the other things like personality and reaction was still here,I was on it 3 weeks,then when going home they said I need already to take ketilept(seroquel or quetiapine) so I did because was afraid to be again in the that horible place,but things didn't go so good after it,after taking the first pill of ketilept I was feeling somehow depressed,after some more days after the pill I wasn't able to feel the music anymore and after 2 weeks I wake up like I didn't know who I'm,my personality was like gone,I wasn't able to remeber anything from the last year or something from the past. I wasn't able to feel the nature anymore,I was like on some ireal place somehow,and my head was empty,I tried to left them off but after some hours I started to feel a very very big fear and maybe a little agresion after that I wasn't able to left them off,I taked them like a mounth and half after one day when I wasn't able to speak,I went to the personal psychiatric and she gave me instead triftazin,she told me that my emotions will come back from this one,so I left ketilept and taked trifrazin,in the beggining 10 mg but then 5mg because I started to cry all the time so she though because of the dose,after 2-3 weeks I started to feel like my thinking is coming back,so in the beggining I started to feel some euphoria and some thoughts,but didn't feel like old me,this thing was just for 2 days,then I got back on the same **** like I was before,I told that to the her and I don't know why she gave me some more pills,but others,so after that I started to take eglonyl(sulpiride) 300 mg at day and also 5mg of triftazin,and started to feel more stupid then I was,after 2 and half weeks of sulpiride I left it and also after some more 3 weeks I left triftazin as well,all the taked antipsychotics in total was like 4 mounths,I was on 200 mg of ketilept,just only like 3 days I taked the 400 mg dosage because of the fear,then I get back on the 200mg dosage of it,300mg of eglonyl and 5 of triftazin,also was on haloperidol in the begging but it was there on hospital so I don't know the dosage there Do you guys think that it can be posible to have depersonalization because of ketilept?everything has started after it,many people say that ketilept it's not a strong antipsyhotic as others so I don't know what to think,it's possible to return to my old self? I'm off the pills already one month and a half but no improvements at all,just that now I only can hear the music in my head after listening one,but I don't feel anything and the major problem is that I can't think,I also had a stress situation,do you think it's because of that? its possible it to come back? Tthe thing is that I can't remeber anything,so I don't remeber if I was able to think after the stress or it was after the pills,thanks and sorry for my english,also posted my problem on other topic but nobody responded so I decided to make my own,sadly i tepered the pills fast,can be this a problem also?
  3. I was diagnosed bipolar II in 1999, when I was 45. I was put on Bupropion first, then switched to a cocktail of 2000 mg of Valproic Acid (Valproate), a mood stabilizer, 30 mg of Prozac and 10 mg of Stelazine. The Stelazine was swapped out for 10 mg of Abilify in 2014. So now I'm 65 I've been taking a heavy duty cocktail for 20 years. As a retirement present, I'd like to try withdrawing and rediscovering my bliss. Is this dangerous? Not just the withdrawal, but, afterwards? Am I going to turn into a crazy old man? Go on shopping sprees? I've had prostate treatment, so I'm post sexual, that behavioural pattern isn't available, but I'm relatively well off, I could spend my brains out? Will this happen?
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