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Hello there, My name is Angelo, and I was diagnosed with a lot of labels. I've had psychotic breaks, and I was put on a lot of differents medications. I've had 2 shots of Invega the Last year, but my mom Saved me from having more shots. I believed that taking antipsicotics would made me "normal again", but that's not true. I've tried a lot of antipsicotics during my life, and they never made me feel good, i felt good only after some months of quitting them. But now i'm scared because this time i was under antipsicotics for more than one year,(even more that 2 antipsicotic, Haldol Latuda and Talofen, later I found a psyschiatrist who choosed to let me quit all the medications) I've had an extreme akathisia, but now it's a lot better, I felt so agitated that I try to Kill my self more than one time. On the phisical Side i feel really bad, my muscles are really messed, i feel tired, weak... I can't experience Joy, calm, relax, happiness is just an utopia for me, now. My memory is really bad, i'm scared that it's damaged forever, the only thing I want to do is sleeping to avoid this sufference, and this is why I took a benzo before writing this, i will post it and I will go to bed. The world seems really strange to me, i don't feel myself like a person But just like... just like "a thing". I don't see my Friends from a lot of time, and I don't want to see them, i'm not able to socialize anymore, i barely talk, sometimes i walk in a strange way, and I'm afraid that this time, it will Last forever. I would like to feel myself again, I would like to be again the smart Guy i used to be, i would like to heal from everything wich make me bad. But it just sound like impossible. I don't go to school, i don't make anything all the day, and even if I would want to do something, i would feel too bad to do it, i've tried. I live in Italy, wich is a beautiful nation, but I can't feel it. Even if I go to the Sea, i don't feel anything, anything. I started to cry again, but I don't know if it's a sign of a progress, or just my disperation. I've had a lot of dreams for myself, but now it looks like they disappeared. What can I do? Is there somebody who had a similiar experience and recovered or just felt better? I just have to wait? Greetings, Mister G.