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Smartsauce posted a topic in Introductions and updatesHi Iv been on antidepressants and antipsychotics for about 10 year and im 30 now. Recently the combination of both was getting to me as my side effects were getting worse for some unknown reason after like 2 years of no problems. Side effects that I suddenly got or became worse: -Anhedonia, like I came home from work and Id sit at my normal spot at the desk but instead of doing things, which were mostly gaming, I was just idling and bored out of my head. Also movies and everything i could think of were just so dreadfully boring so I just prefer to idle than do or watch something which was dreadful on its own. I had to start to force myself to do things I used to enjoy. -Sexual dysfunction: Suddenly I had problems getting erect or to maintain erectness. Id also just watch porn and be like not affected by it at all. Orgasm is sometimes not reachable and the discharge is so small it is as if nothing happened. Also the pleasure of the orgasm is completely ruined, doesnt feel pleasureable at all. It is like pissing or something. My interest in girls is just also downhill now. -Problem just talking to people. Im like this robot with no thoughts coming through, I almost everytime dont know what to say or dont have anything to add. I was always kinda introverted and awkward too but now how my conversations go is to cry for. I have become a really quiet guy now and it makes me sad, id go through a whole day of work without talking to anyone or saying anything, quite depressing. Also I barely laugh anymore, I really have to fake it alot and also I feel like I used to make people laugh more and now I am literally unable to do this. -lack of emotion. Im really like a robot, I dont feel joy or pleasure much and I cant cry, I cant be sad about my situation, Im just blank. I just feel empty sometimes and its a disgusting feeling tbh. Also my personality has become more dull and boring imo. I ask my parents and they say they dont see a difference but i notice it. -Paranoid/fearful attack: I would be working and later in the day where i became more tired these paranoid anxiety attacks would suddenly rise up and they were the worst. Id get so paranoid and fearful that i couldnt look my collegues in the eyes anymore. Id also not be able to focus on my work anymore because of the fearful thoughts. Even when I finally got outside the factory and could avoid everyone and ride back my bike to home id still be so anxious and paranoid that every second was hell. This was really the dealbreaker that my medication suddenly got me really ***** up even after multiple years of no problems. The latest antipsychotics I was on was Trevicta since 2017 and I started tapering from max dose to less but i got really restless and inpatient and suddenly cold turkey'd. I should have gotten my next shot 1 month ago now. I dont know if i will have big withdrawal effects but so far i dont have any yet. I just have this problem that antispychotics block dopamine and serotonine receptors and I think thats why I am so utterly bored. It really has a huge impact on my mood. It makes me restless, depressed and suicidal. Its like there is nothing that i can enjoy. I have to wait for my dopamine receptors to recover and that will take months and months and im restless and inpatient. I also lost my job because I couldnt go on with it, espescially with the paranoia and anxiety attacks. Also the lack of dopamine is making me very idle because i have zero motivation. I cant get out of bed because i just dont have the motivation for it. I wake up when its dark already and that is depressing on its own. Im also at home right now because of being jobless so that makes sure I have plenty of hours to be dreadfully bored. I feel like im going crazy sometimes. I really feel like dying sometimes like i just cant anymore. At the moment my biggest problem is these endless hours with endless boredom that is just killing me. Sometimes I get to do some sport if i find the motivation to get some dopamine in my system. I also drink some coffee to get the dopamine rolling but it is not so effective. Im just thinking to go back to work, part time this time. Just so my hours are spend doing something instead of doing nothing. But at the same time I dont feel like working again yet. All i wanna know with certainty is that I will be better months from now on, because this stupid antipsychotic, who did the most dmg i assume, is left in your system for 18 months. That is gonna take forever and I feel so hopeless right now. I just want my old self back. Im quite a mess right now on the plus side im lucky i still like music