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  1. i swore i would never take an snri again after what i went through on effexor, but he suggested i try cymbalta for the chronic pain and told me that generally there are less side effects/zaps than with effexor, so i said i would give it a try. my psychologist and his super decided that i have bipolar 2 not mdd, but the pdoc waved this away and didn’t even consider mood stabilizers. when my pdoc raised my dose of cymbalta after i expressed a wish to discontinue, and wrote in my record that i display “abnormal illness behaviors” (which just means i disagree with him?), i have decided to get off the ADs once and for all.
  2. I've always been sad with my life since I had like 14 years old. I never found any joy in anything. So, in high school, my friends from then offered me weed and I accepted. And it was awesome. I could get high and enjoy life, at last. it was awesome. really miss that stage of my life, now that I think of it. things were good. Things changed, I went to study to another state, things didn't work out (cause I would smoke weed and party instead of studying) so I had to return to my home town. I started buying drugs from the deep web, psychedelics, and it brought me many good memories I wish I can relive some day. Anyways, a couple years worth of taking lots of drugs will do a number to you, no matter how "clean" they are and how "young" you might feel. One day, february 2018, I snapped. Man this really hurts to write. One day, I just felt sick of it all and hit several times my car door with my head, I did a number of holes in it. I realized I really did nothing to me rather than just make holes in my car, so I just drove off to the nearest bridge and told some friends and my dad through text I would jump. one of them went to pick me up and I had a long convo with my sister. I agreed on taking meds. My dad is a psychiatrist and started me with trintellix, brintellix, or Vortioxetine, first 10mg, later 15, finally 20mg. I took it for 6 months, then realized I couldn't get high off most drugs anymore. Not weed, not alcohol, not nicotine, not even a coffee. Not only that, my range of emotions became more tame, nothing as intense as it used to be. This sucks, I thought (and I still do), so I'll drop it. I tappered off 5mg each month, so it took 4 months for me to completely stop taking it. If you're read a bit of anything in this forum you'll realize the decrements are much smaller and the times between dosing less are bigger, like 6 months or so. I experienced pretty much every withdrawl symptom there is: blurry vision, INTENSE vertigo, slugishness; everytime I would turn around even just my head I would experience this very disturbing "shock" moment where I would feel like something missing off my head was taking a sense of itself missing. Very hard to describe, it was something more.... neuronal, shall we say, I think thats because the spinal chord needs serotonin for lots of things and when it suddenly stops its flow its something very ***** up for your body. Since there is no natural way that you can achieve that. Lots of things have happened in the meantime, none of them for the better. It did eventually even itself out, but then I started to become more and more erratic with my **** so i had to be put on meds again. I've left it all for 1 month now and I don't think it will ever go back to what it used to be, not even 50%. I do exercise, I eat healty, but I simply cannot feel good after going a hard workout, after a deep session of meditation, and a weed smoke break after a long day of busting my ass at the office. I can't believe I'm stuck with this ****, it's all my fault for always wanting more and more, never letting breaks between drug highs. Now I'm forever ***** and there is nothing I can do to remedy it. I haven't had sex in forever, but I fear an orgasm with someone will be capped just like every other feeling in my life.
  3. Hi there, I'm glad I've found this site, hopefully it will help awareness of this issue so that real progress can be made. I suffered mild depression for a few years, but never had any sexual issues. After having a pretty short stint on citalopram (around 8 weeks) I got concerned by the complete genital anaesthesia and tapered off. I'm now 11 weeks post and have barely seen any improvement. This is coupled with the kind of emotional blunting a lot of people have talked about. I'm no longer able to feel sad in the same way as I previously did, but neither can I experience emotional or physical ecstasy - I'm kind of stuck in this middle range without any physical or emotional extremes. Blunted. Three weeks ago I started taking Ginkgo Biloba, 240mg daily. I took it for five days, and from day 1 I experienced noticeable improvements in both physical sensation and my emotional experiences. Then, on day 5, I smoked some weed (which used to act as a real sexual stimulant for me), and the effects of the ginkgo all but diminished. I've continued to take it daily (and not smoked any more since), but the initial effects it was having are pretty much non-existent. I'm just wondering if anyone is able to shed any light on this? I know the body can sometimes react in a strong way initially to a drug before going back to how it was, but it just seems too convenient that this happened exactly when I smoked some weed. My (extremely sketchy) hypothesis is that the citalopram somehow set my brain into a kind of new homeostasis i.e. what was "normal" chemical functioning for my brain changed. My experience, and those of others, tells me that this does not have to be permanent, but I do need to find the right sort of "kick" to push my brain back into its old homeostasis. It appears to me that ginkgo was doing this for me, before somehow being majorly affected by the weed. Currently, my plan is to continue with the ginkgo for about three more weeks to give it a chance (that will have been six weeks in total). If that doesn't work I'm going to try inositol, which some people appear to have had incredible recovery with. I'm just frustrated that I seem to have destroyed what was a steady improvement on the ginkgo, and wondered if anyone here had any advice? Thanks.
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