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  1. Admin note: link to benzo forum thread - StuckOnMeds: Reinstatement of Clonazapam Fair warning: my journey revolves around PMDD (my menstruation cycle). If this is not your cup of tea, turn back now. Hi! I'm so happy to be here! Here's the short version of my story... I was misdiagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when in fact I had PMDD. At first, the symptoms were bearable, but after my last child, everything changed. Suddenly, I was not able to make myself or my children food, not showering, not able to pick my kids up from school. Not only that but my self-esteem was shot and anxiety soaring, and I had about one week a month where I could gather myself back up and try to heal before everything started all over again. This went on for over three years. I was completely broken. During all of this, my Psych started throwing meds at me to see what would stick. Unfortunately, nothing would work, and I ended up on 6 meds for depression and anxiety. Finally, I had had enough and approached my Psych and my Gyn about a full hysterectomy and BSO (ovary removal) to stop the fluctuation in my hormones. By this time I had tried all methods of care ranging from DBT to exercise, birth control to relaxation techniques, and so much more. Anyway, I had the surgery, and I felt (and feel) amazing. Like I had been missing out on living. Unfortunately, I was still stuck on all six meds. And so began the titration. I began titrating risperidone at the beginning of 2015. It is important to me to get off this med because I believe it to be the most dangerous. I started at 1 mg, and currently, I am at 0.18 mg. I am taking a break on my titration but intend to jump after my summer vacation and be done with this demon of a drug once and for all. Here is a list of my other meds: Morning: Zoloft 200 mg Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Lorazepam 0.5 mg and 0.375 mg ( also take around 3 pm) Night: Clonazepam 1 mg Trazadone 50 mg Risperidone 0.18 mg (liquid) StuckOnMeds
  2. I was glad to see this topic as it describes me and how I have functioned my entire life. I have been on 90 mg cymbalta and 159 mg Wellbutrin for more than 4 years now and about one month ago I tapered off Wellbutrin with an every other day dose for two weeks. I am feeling a bit spacey... very tired, a bit nauseous and anxious. After reading some posts I now can give myself permission without judgement to rest and relax my brain. That is what it feels like. If anyone has suggestions from experience I would appreciate it.
  3. I am brand new to this website. Here is my history and what I am looking for...sorry for the run on sentences - trying to get it all out! Let me know if you have any questions. I have been taking bupropion HCL XL 300 MG tablets for about 4 years. I was prescribed Wellbutrin 150 xl about 12 years ago. I had tried Zoloft and Lexapro but both left me feeling emotionally numb, then my doctor tried wellbutrin . Wellbutrin seemed to help with my "sad" feelings but the low sex drive was still a factor so my doctor increased my dosage to 300 mg. At one time, she introduced Cymbalta to be taken with Wellbutrin but I have since stopped taking this medication over 2 years ago due to the sexual side effects. In my past, like between 6 and 8 years ago, I tried to stop taking the Wellbutrin completely, thinking I was feeling fine and didn't need it... but after 1 - 2 weeks I would experience high anxiety and decide I needed to make some kind of life changing event like leave my husband...this happened a few times. As it turns out, I did need to leave that husband and I did. I have been happily married for over 3 years and have been taking my buPROPrion HCL XL 300 MG without fail since early 2014. Around that same time (2014) I was also taking clonazePAM 0.5 mg tablets for anxiety (as needed, not daily) but gradually tapered off on those and haven't taken any since JAN of 2018 . I think it is a good time to reduce my Wellbutrin to 150 mg but want to do it in a healthy way. I do not have insurance so can't go in to the doctor but think she would be okay with reducing my dosage if I show I have a plan of how to progressively get there...suggestions? Also, regarding withdrawal history - I don't know if this info helps but I used to take oxycodone 15mg twice a day back in 2015 / 2016 but started to taper off of that in AUG 2016 to 1 - 15 mg per day then 15 - 15 mg per month and stopped taking them all together as of January 2017. I do not take any pain medication at all. I am prescribed GABAPENTIN 300 MG CAPSULES 3 times per day but only take 1 - 2 a day and I also am prescribed ibuprofen 800 mg but rarely take them. There was a withdrawal period end of 2016 beginning of 2017 but it was brief and was controlled with short term use of clonidine.
  4. Hi Everyone. I am grateful to have found this forum. Something has been wrong with me for a long time. I feel broken. Hollow. I can only really feel anger and it's very volatile and quick. This is not like me. I am not myself. Recently I read something on XOJane and came across the term Tardive Dysphoria. I have no idea if this is actually what is wrong with me, but when I read the author's description it just clicked. I've been depressive since I was very young. I cut myself and cried a lot. I tried to be a functional adult, and was successful for a while. Something happened and I dropped everything in my life and moved across the country. I thought about suicide. My first medication was a generic for Wellbutrin. I'm unsure of the dosage, but it was a sunny yellow. My insurance appointed therapist wasn't given enough time for each patient and talk therapy was limited to group therapy. Pills seemed easier at a time when my life was falling apart. Next was a stronger dosage, a pale purple pill. Finally, I sprung for time release, which was only available in the brand. Wellbutrin XL 300 mg. I started rebuilding my life, relying on that little pill every morning. The thing that has messed me up the most was the Lexapro. I was feeling tremendous anxiety all the time. A hard knot lived in the pit of my stomach. My primary care doctor gave me a prescription for Lexapro, 10 mg. She insisted that I not read the side effects, her concern was that I'd ruminate over all the possibilities and negate its positive effects. She ended up increasing my dosage to 20 mg and this is where I stayed for 7 years. Last year, I decided to get off the Lexapro. My sex drive has been dead and buried thanks to this drug. I want a healthy sexual relationship with my husband. Not wanting sex sucks. I cut my 20 mg pills in half last summer and became a terror to be around. I was not a nice person. The difficulty of reducing my dosage prevented me from trying to reduce it further for another year. Three months ago I quartered my 20 mg pills. I know I'm still messed up. My brain is foggy. I feel wrong. I know this feels like depression. my husband doesn't understand. Where should I start? Could someone please help me?
  5. Hello all, I was so thrilled to find this website. I, like many of you, feel very alone in my withdrawal; I often find myself wondering if I am convincing myself I am sick- and, consequently, feeling sick. I am 24 years old and have still not finished my BA (in psychology) and am currently living at home with my parents, not working. This is a source of much embarrassment for me; it makes me feel useless and like a drain on my parents. (Which I am, emotionally and monetarily.) So, here's my story. I wish I could limit it to psychiatric diagnoses, as that is what this site is about, but I find that my physical diagnoses are far too intertwined to keep from sharing them. WARNING: This is a super long, tedious story. I don't expect the typical browsing person to read this. However, if you have had any similar diagnoses/symptoms/drug doses as me, I think it might (hopefully!) be at least a little helpful to read the full history. -At 13 years old, I went from a tiny school to a huge school without knowing anyone. I developed "school phobia" and was immediately prescribed a paxil and ativan cocktail, though it did not help. That same year, I was also diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder which causes chronic pain. The kicker is, it's invisible. I look completely fine, so I am often presumed by others to be lazy. -At 14, I went to a new school and, due to a devastating event that happened to my best friend, became suicidal. My school phobia came back. I was put on to 200mg Zoloft, which indeed curbed the anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideology. -The Zoloft helped until I was about 18 years old and developed severe affective blunting. I was weaned off of the zoloft over a period of about a month, and don't remember many problems during the tapering. However, as soon as I completely ended the zoloft I developed extreme anxiety, depression, insomnia, and OCD tendencies. -Within five days of ending the zoloft, my psychiatrist put me onto 20mg celexa, with klonopin to use on the side until the celexa kicked in. The celexa helped a little, but not satisfactorily. I was eventually upped to 60mg, which seemed to do the trick. However, I developed the sexual side effects, and so was put onto 300 Wellbutrin XL, which helped a little bit. All of these medication changes happened over about probably only 2 years. I was also given 25mg Adderall RX to help with my ADHD. -I had been on this cocktail until about 21, at which point my doctor raised my Wellbutrin XL to 450 in an attempt to ameliorate my occasional drowsiness. This helped. -Between 21 and 24 years old, I progressively developed severe exhaustion. However, it never occured to me that this could be a side effect of the celexa- it is very comon for people with ehlers danlos to have extreme exhaustion. However, by this February, I was sleeping 12-15 hours a day; I could not do any of my school work because I was always tired. My doctor finally stopped blaming "sleep hygeine" and got me a sleep study. -My March 2013 sleep study was eye opening. In 210 minutes of sleep, I had over 150 "arousals" (waking up, but not consciously). I also did not enter REM. About 1/3 of the arousals were due to apnea (which wasn't enough for insurance to cover a CPAP machine), 1/3 was due to restless leg syndrome (which was thus considered mild) and 1/3 were of unknown origin. The neurologist believed that most likely my underlying sleep problem was narcolepsy, but to officially diagnose narcolepsy a >24hour and very expensive study has to be done. Also, since narcolepsy is a REM disorder in which REM happens too quickly and SSRI's suppress REM sleep, it would be impossible to make an acurate diagnosis. So, they tried putting me on gabapentin, to see if that would at least help with the restless leg symptoms. This helped a lot. I was suddenly able to sleep about 9 hours and feel relatively refreshed. However, my tolerance grew very quickly, and by the time I called my doctor for a refill, she said that she believed it was pointless to keep trying the gabapentin because my tolerance would just keep growing and growing. So, she said she still thought I had narcolepsy, but said she couldn't treat me for it (with provigil) because provigil is wildly expensive and my insurance wouldn't cover it unless I had an official narcolepsy diagnosis. My only option to really figure out what my sleep issues were was to quit my SSRI. -I began decreasing my SSRI's in the following manner (as directed by my new, medication-adverse shrink): Weeks 1-2: decreased to 50mg celexa. Bouts of irritability came and went. Week 3: decreased to 40mg celexa. Again, major irritability- worse than the previous weeks. Weeks 4-5: decreased to 30mg celexa. Started getting headaches and bouts of depression on top of the irritability. Weeks 6-7: decreased to 20mg celexa. Not much diference in withdrawal symptoms between the 30 and 20mg doses. Weeks 8-10: decreased to 10mg celexa. Similar withdrawal symptoms, though average night of sleep went from 12-13 hours to 14-15 hours. Weeks 11-12: decreased to 5mg celexa. Not as much irritability anymore, but sleep still got progressively worse, and depression "attacks" became more common and severe. Week 13: decreased to 0mg. Constant headache. Week 14: Headache gone, all-over muscle soreness. Started crying at anything, even without feeling sad. Week 14-15: MAJOR nausea. Given ondancetron, helped for weeks 15-16, though gave me constipation. I ended up not having a BM for 10 days. Same crying thing during this time. Week 16: Nausea came back, depression was worse than ever. Mental confusion started to bother me as well. Crying jags. Week 17: Same as week 16, though I began to experience anhedonia as well. More crying jags, though not as common as they had been. Week 18 (now): Nausea worse than ever. Hypoglycemia because I cannot eat enough. Still, anhedonia. Crying jags decreased a little. Ocassional headaches. ONLY good side: I seem to be getting not quite as tired as I had been. ****Note: I am still taking 400 Wellbutrin XL -Next week I am getting my sleep study, so we will see if I really have narcolepsy. Hopefully I can get back on some kind of psychotropic drug that won't suppress REM sleep. I think that my depression is just too ingrained and chemical for me to combat it without some prescription help. I have tried meditation, psychotherapy, and other stuff and I just can't seem to make any progress without the drugs. Thanks for reading!! P.S. Has anyone heard of being prescribed as high a dosage of celexa as me, for a period of 6 years? Do you think this is why my withdrawal is so severe?
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