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  1. I've spent the last 13 years on various ant-depressants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and benzodiazapines. I was most recently on 80mg of Latuda and 900mg of Trileptal when the doctor who diagnosed me when i was 14 called to tell me she was wrong. She told me that I didn't need the drugs, and never had. My mom died from side effects of psychotropics and I had already pretty much figured out that the drugs weren't the answer for me. From February to June of this year I titrated myself off of them. I didn't trust psychiatrists to help me and I couldn't find one when I looked who would help. During this time, I finished graduate school taking a double load, started a new job as a consultant for the government where I protect children from bad medical advice, applied for a very high position and interviewed, moved in with my boyfriend full time, and he switched jobs, too. I let go of almost all of my friends during this process. When I came to, I realized that they were all really fake or bad people or just plain weirdos. I have three friends in town that I don't get to see very often, one very good long distance friend, and then my best friend/partner. A few of my family members have been really supportive and that has been really great. I take fish oil and that seems to make a big difference with the withdrawal symptoms. I was doing really great and felt like I was becoming normal again after these 13 years, but then I started having my period again. I stopped having my period on the drugs about 10 years ago. It has been so hard. I feel so weak like I am going to pass out. On top of that, I ended up not getting the big job I applied for. In addition to that, I am a social worker in the mental health/medical field and the secret motivations of others that I'm finally aware enough to pick up on feel so frighteningly devious. The most recent developments with "coming to" as I call it has been finding out that my sister was on and off verbally and emotionally abusive to me when I was on the drugs. I was easily manipulated on them because I couldn't remember things very well or keep my mind coherent. I think she would yell at me, but to be honest I can't really remember what the fights were like. I just remember afterwards feeling a rush when we would make up. She doesn't like me very much anymore the way I am now. She says we fight a lot now. The only difference is that I can remember when we fight and I don't instantly forgive her or give in to her adult tantrums. We grew up basically without parents, so she parented me. She always seemed like a wonderful mother/protector that was my best friend. It has been such a shock to realize who she really is. She was a huge support for me, but now that I understand how she treats me, i can't reach out to her anymore. There was a period of almost two years when I got into an abusive relationship. This was three years ago. I look back on that time and I can't really believe it was real. I know that I tolerated the way he treated me (the yelling, the not working, the financial abuse, the breaking objects) because I was on the drugs. My mind was so hazy I couldn't think straight. I also know that it was because of the way my sister treated me and her relationship with her boyfriend. Their unhealthy model made me think that what he was doing was acceptable. I somehow was able to get myself together and kick him out after he almost punched me. Shortly after that I started working out. Over a period of two years i lost 80 pounds working out and being able to eat health again when I had a med change in early 2016. The med change in early 2016 came when I gained insomnia for the first time in my life. I was in a relationship with a dangerous liar who was using me for sex. My hazy drugged brain couldn't figure it out, but I would become anxious and alert because deep inside of me, I knew what was happening. This turned out to be a great thing for me. We broke up when he was done with me and I got on new drugs. These had a much looser hold on me. I was studying behaviorism in graduate school and the way my "illness" had been defined,diagnosed,and treated did not make sense to me. I started dating a friend and he is really good to me. Somehow he tapped into the part of me that was most me. I got off of "sleeping pills" first, last year. These turned out to have been making me very high and "go go go". I calmed down a lot after that and started sleeping better. I was also able to identify that I was over medicated by talking to him and realized that I couldn't feel my emotions properly. That is when I saw that my psychiatrist would never help me get off of the drugs. She yelled at me when I said I was over medicated and barely agreed to lower me from the max dose (which had been placed by an entirely different doctor). I've been been hospitalized a number of times because of the drugs-three times in a mental hospital and twice in a medical hospital. The top most upsetting thing to find out has been that I never had any illness...at all. Now that I am off the drugs I don't have anxiety, depression, psychosis, or any of the weird ways these would manifest I noticed these symptoms fade away as the drugs left my system. I was and am so proud that I was able to get off of them, especially while doing so much else with my life. I've been through some awful physical side effects, but mentally I have been so clear and myself. I'm not always happy, because along with my lack of mental illness symptoms has come a level of consciousness I have never experienced as an adult. Not only do I suddenly remember all of the traumatic things I went through with my mom and her drugs, my own drugs, and my own life, I'm also painfully aware of other people's emotions, motivations, and actions. Everything came back into focus sharper than it does for most people, I think. I'm having to cope with the realities of materialism and our society-suddenly all at once. I think I get exposed to the evils of the world much more than the average person, too, in my job doing social work. My eyes are open to a lot now that I just couldn't see before. My withdrawal symptoms included getting hot every time I was hungry, food intake fluctuations, heat sensitivity, sudden sleepiness, insomnia, food sensitivity, weakness, tingling in my foot, sensory sensitivity, and general disorientation due to how aware of people's tones and body language I am now. When I came to, though, I realized I had done really good for myself despite the drugs. I have a very high powered career and am the youngest person of my type of position in our agency, but have the highest level of education. I graduated with my masters with a 3.9 gpa and got through my undergrad with a medication induced learning disability and my mother's death with a 3.2 gpa at a top university. I escaped two abusive relationships and am now going to marry a very trust worthy, kind, hardworking man who also happens to be the most handsome man I have ever seen. Somehow we were able to take care of our relationship with everything I was going through and his 70% traveling job for a whole year. We just moved to a huge two bedroom apartment in the nicest part of town and I am completely able to pay my half of the bills and all of my own bills. His trauma from being abused has been healing and we have been living together post-his traveling job for three months and it has been the most amazing life. While I have a much smaller number of friends than I once had, I have four friends I can really trust and rely on. Some are available more often than others, but four seems like a huge blessing to me. I sleep full nights most nights after 13 years of drug induced sleep. This started on day two of no drugs. i didn't get the big job I interviewed for, but my supervisor thinks it was due to administrative errors and my application being allowed to be sent through to too high a position. I was sent through to an above entry level position because of how good I look on paper. She is getting me ready for the entry level position interview in two months. Despite that, I am being recognized as a talented writer and assessor at work. The most anyone ever noticed about my withdrawal symptoms was that I talked fast sometimes and that is over. New withdrawal symptoms have been happening these two weeks I've had my period and that has been a set back in my recovery. Writing all of this down makes me feel proud of myself and know that I can get through this.
  2. Hi! English is not my first language so I apologize if my texts are confusing, same with my signature. I quit the last 5 mg escitalopram/cipralex 3 weeks ago. When I went down from 10 to 5 mg nothing got better so I started reading about tardive dysphoria which made me very eager to quit my medication completely. I also found out about 6 months ago that quitting 5 mg at a time is way too drastic for someone who has been using the medication for years, but I figured i'd just endure this last time. The problem is that I've now found out from reading on this site and on other places that some of the side effects might become permanent. So my question now is, should I go back up to 5-4 mg, and then slowly go down 1 mg at a time from there? Or should I just wait this out when it has already been 3 weeks. I'm willing to wait it out if it gets better. But if there are big risks about doing what i'm doing right now i'm gonna go back up if that's your advice. Ps: I do feel horrible physically and mentally and can practically not be around people, but as I said i'm willing to endure it if it gets better. I can't trust my doctors anymore, they want to make me go back up to max dosage with both voxra and cipralex + start giving me more benzo for no good reason. Which is why I'm asking here, the people here seem to have good knowledge about this. TL;DR: Go back up to 5 mg and go down 1 mg at a time or endure this and wait for it to get better?
  3. Hi, I’m new hear, I’m sorry if I have any gramatical errors, my native language isn’t English. I’m 18 years old female, I started sertraline at 14 and was been on and off sertraline (I used it total for about 2-3 years) I started when I was 14 and Stopped at 17. My last dose was about 4 months ago and I was on sertraline for 4 months (50 mg I think). I stopped because I learned about pssd. However I don’t think I tappered correctly. I didn’t knew how to. I’m now battling with pssd, a really severe depression, really severe derealization, brain fog, and I’m really suicidal. I don’t know what to do, I’m really really bad mentally and I’m desperate for help, for someone to bring hope to my life, but I don’t want to go with a psychiatrist, should I go with a therapist/ psychologist? I’m extremely depressed and derealized and can’t stop thinking about killing myself. (I’m not sure if I can talk about this here, but I really need help). I just want some hope about pssd, I’ve read here that pssd is just like any withdrawal symptom, it can take years to get better but it will improve and I really wish this happens, I also really wish to be myself again and not want desperately to die.
  4. Hello friends! My name is Mads, and I am currently on 225mg Effexor, 150mg Wellbutrin, and 20mg of Ritalin 3x/day. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. After a suicide attempt at 15 I was diagnosed and put on Prozac in the hospital. It was a few months before I got settled with a therapist and a psychiatric nurse practitioner (who will be referred to as Susan from now on). Over a year or so, my dose was increased. When I (at the pushing of my mother) expressed concern over the weight gain I was experiencing that we attributed to the medication, Susan put me on Effexor and took me off Prozac (I don't remember this process - it might have been stopping Prozac CT and immediately starting Effexor). Over a couple years, my dose was increased eventually to the max: 225mg. At one point, Susan diagnosed me with Inattentive ADHD (aka ADD) and put me on Ritalin. This dose over time was increased to the max: 20mg 3x/day. This April, I slipped into a depressive state due to Covid (losing my job, withdrawing from college classes, isolation from friends and partner, etc). My mom suggested I talk to Susan about adjusting my medication. At this point I had also started DBT therapy. Susan put me on 150mg of Wellbutrin. Since starting the Effexor, I have struggled with sexual dysfunction. Because I started ADs at such a young age and initially while I wasn't sexually active, it didn't occur to me to express my concern over the issues I was having. I was very aware that they were likely caused by my medication, which I felt and still feel is doing its job otherwise, so I didn't want to mess with what I felt was working for me. As of starting the Wellbutrin, the sexual dysfunction has increased in severity and has become unbearable. It has caused issues in my relationship that we can no longer ignore. I expressed my concerns to Susan last week. She said that the Wellbutrin was not likely to be the cause of the side effects. She suggested that I skip my Friday and Saturday doses since I see my partner on Saturdays usually, and that might help curb these symptoms. She said that I would likely experience brain zaps as a result of these drug holidays. Friday I forgot to skip my dose, so I skipped it Saturday morning. By the afternoon I had a splitting headache, and by the evening had chills and aches like I was coming down with something. All night long I had nightmares. I would wake up from one just to fall asleep and into another. I woke up with a headache and feeling like I hadn't slept at all. That morning I took my regular dose because I could not drive myself to work in the state I was in. Experiencing the effects of this drug holiday, and realizing how much my relationship is hurting because of these side effects, I am itching to get off of the Effexor but in a way that won't cause such debilitating WD symptoms. I have an appointment with Susan tomorrow to talk about tapering the Effexor and if needed increasing the Wellbutrin (if I find my depressive symptoms returning). I am not one to dismiss the advice of a professional, but it makes me nervous that Susan would advise me to stop cold turkey for a couple days a week when I am on the highest dose allowed to be prescribed... it also makes me nervous that I am on the highest dose of both Ritalin and Effexor at all. I can't help but imagine she would tell me to taper way too quickly or even advise me against stopping the Effexor at all. My medications have definitely done what they were prescribed to do, so I am reluctant to make changes, but I just can't keep going on they way I have been. I am hoping that by joining this group, I will find some support and guidance in adjusting my medications, navigating the psychiatric healthcare world, and dealing with the fallout of such. Thank you for reading my very personal and in depth intro post, I hope no one fell asleep out of boredom 😊
  5. Hey everyone, Just thought i'd post this topic on this board.... I've heard talk from various people assuming that adverse reactions from SSRIs whilst still a teenager, or being put on SSRIs as a teen (or even child) puts them in a worse position than if their brain was fully developed. This was my first instinct when i joined these forums last year, however everyone everywhere kept talking about how young people always heal better, faster, etc that being young is an advantage. People always say "don't do drugs kids" because "your brain is still developing"... Well what does that even mean? What are the potential consequences of doing said drugs when your brain is "still developing" ? Are these consequences more persistent or brain-altering? I was always lead to believe that you can't permanently change your brain, especially when you're a kid because its so plastic and malleable. So what's the deal? if one has been prescribed an SSRI under the age of 18, and they had an adverse reaction from going on or had protracted withdrawal after coming off (all before turning 18) - do they have the same chances of recovering than someone who went on at an older age. I've heard that teens have a higher chance of adverse reaction - and we all hear about the school shootings/suicides, etc - but if these kids were to get off the drugs - would they all recover back to normal? This is kind of bothering me since i went on celexa at 14 and a half... Although i haven't been the same since (just turned 18 now, 3 and a half years later) i initially didn't notice much of a difference until like 2 years later when i got off zoloft (thats when everything came crashing down - at 16). I'm wondering will i ever "feel" the way i used too... emotionally, physically, etc... I'm so sick of this PSSD and anhedonia and all the other symptoms. I'm 19 months out still waiting to see some significant improvements.. I dont care how long it takes ... I just really need to know i will recover at least 50% I know no one will have the perfect answer since nobody knows for sure... But if anyone can share positive stories or experiences or even positive information in general that would be great.
  6. Recently stopped other medications under doctors supervision. Complicating factors are long shifts at work, for half the week, 11.5 hours. As long as I get sleep, the other medications, which included antidepressants and antipsychotics, dont seem to be needed. Just having a routine and being awake during my days off feeling "new" is kind of disconcerting, but I don't know how much my depakote is holding me back, vs holding me together. What are the right questions to ask myself and my doctor? I got this far, but it is like, working in reverse from the hospital which breaks me in one way, and I get better and better until I have no help and don't realize I broke my mind again in a different fashion.
  7. Hello everyone, I am 18 years old and from Alabama. I started taking lexapro about 5 months ago due to extreme anxiety, OCD, and slight depression. Ever since I have been taking lexapro my anxiety has gotten worse, I am extremely emotional, I freak out over everything, and am in the last straw of my relationship with someone who has been there for me and loved me through all of this simply because he is frustrated with the person I have become (as am I). So i recently (as in two days ago) decided to talk to my doctor about weaning off of Lexapro. I took 10mg for the first 3 months and have been on 20mg for about 2 months. I currently take 20mg and was advised to cut by 50% so for the past two days I have taken 10mg daily. I currently feel like I am in a fog and have zero emotions. While also dealing with my relationship crisis, him and I have decided to take a break for 3 weeks until I can hopefully be back to normal (so says my doctor). So currently I am dealing with the sadness of that as well as symptoms as well as being away from home at college dealing with stress. I am so scared for the upcoming symptoms because I have read things such as brain zaps (which I have had), nausea, hallucinations, and worse. Please give me advice or someone please just be there to talk to me. I am desperate on all aspects. Please and thank you in advance
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