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  1. Hello all I started on Mertazapine for some slight insomnia (probably now I realise related to menopause). I had no idea about the drug. I thought it was just a sleeping pill and messed around with the dose and eventually came off 30 mg to 15 mg over a period of 3 weeks. I suffered horrible withdrawal, was then told it was the drug and was taken straight off it to 0 mg at which point I became a total insomniac and suicidal and was detained in the NHS psych ward. In hospital I was forced to reinstate - they put me straight back on 30 mg after 2 days on 15 mg. I felt slightly better and was able to convince them to let me leave after 2 weeks. This took an enormous act of will, but I knew I could not stay in there. I was also given zopiclone, promethezine, and then propanalol. I am now a week out of hospital and suffering all the tortures of hell. I stopped taking the zopiclone, promethezine, propanalol not wanting to add any more to the cocktail. The sleep has returned to the tune of maybe 5-6 hours a night. I take 5 mg of diazapam also at night which I started in February to try and relieve the sleep anxiety which it did temporarily. But the panic, anxiety, numbness in my limbs, burning brain/body and akasthisia have not relented (not even bothering to list all symptoms). So I am 3 weeks into reinstatement of 30 mg mertazapine, and staying on the 5 mg diazepam out of pure fear of adding any withdrawal from that to the horrible reinstatement symptoms. After reading around on this site (when I can at least focus) I've come to the conclusion I have to endure the 30 mg reinstatement and pray for some kind of stablilization, before making any further tapers. Praying for all that are going through this and wishing you strength.
  2. Hi everyone, My name is Weemie. Nice to meet you all! I hope you'll take the time to read this. I'm in really rough shape right now. a little bit of personal history; I'm 20 years old and have been on and off of sertraline a total of three times since the age of 14. Each discontinuation period has been hellish for me because my tapering instructions were to basically just skip a dose every second day and keep increasing days in between doses until I felt better. I'd usually stop after about two weeks. my most recent taper had started and ended in the month of October 2020. I was pretty seriously depressed in late 2021 which resulted in a full blown insomnia induced breakdown in December. In my desperation for anxiety relief I (regrettably) promised myself I'd start sertraline again. December 9th I took a 25mg dose of sertraline and didn't sleep that entire night which prompted me to take a half a dose of zopiclone that next day as instructed by my doctor. Something went awfully awry in my mind this week of December 9th. I became withdrawn and angry, started having racing thoughts and awful agitation/restlessness; which I now know to be symptoms of akathisia or an akathisia adjacent affliction known as activation syndrome. I ended up taking 4 more doses of sertraline sporadically throughout that month (this was me trying to work up the nerve to take it more regularly, stupid I know). On December 24th I had the most traumatic depersonalization experience of my life, so I took another sertraline that night, followed by one more dose on December 25th. I woke up the 26th feeling totally gone, severed from myself. Seven months after this experience, I do not feel like the same person I was prior to December 9th. I suffer from constant brain chatter that is almost subconscious. Looping and racing at a mile a minute. I can't distinguish my conscious thoughts from the unconscious. Its like an intersection between OCD and ADHD, constantly obsessing over thoughts but cant process them. I'm like a broken record. just an urge to keep thinking. on top of this everything just feels sinister and "off". words, songs and certain consonants are constantly stuck in my head. It makes me agitated, I haven't been able to relax for 7 months. I feel trapped inside of myself. I don't feel depressed or anxious exactly, but another third thing. dysphoric, sick and angry. On top of this I have anhedonia and dp/dr. I've seen very little improvement over these last seven months. these symptoms just scratch the surface of how difficult this adjustment has been for me. I have sort of habituated but recently its been difficult since coming to terms with my symptoms. I'm wondering, where do I go from here? I fear this could be Tardive akathisia, brought on by my attempt to reinstate in December. Or maybe some form of extended withdrawal. Whatever it is, it appears to be chronic. I'm seriously considering reinstating again and eventually doing a micro taper, but I fear this could ruin my recovery progress, if there is any being made. I risk my condition becoming much worse if I reinstate. Should I continue? give it a year? does the longer you wait to reinstate make it more difficult to do so? its just a gamble either way I suppose. To everyone on this website, I'm sending so much love and resilience to you! I would so appreciate any advice or sharing of similar experiences. it would brighten my life so much. Any direction or encouragement would mean the world. Thank you kindly
  3. Hi, thank you for having me. I began taking Ativan in 2018 for panic. I took it for 3 months PRN. Once I stopped the terror started. I wound up the in the ER where I was sent on my merry way with a bag full of Zopiclone and told that they would make me feel better. They did not. I got increasingly worse, over the Zopiclone period. I then saw a new doctor who diagnosed me with benzo withdrawal. He put me on 5mgs of Valium. I tapered this very slowly over the course of 10 months. It was a great success and I felt very good. I got down to 0.25mgs and stayed at that dose for 18 months as i was scared of the jump, and just needed to be able to take care of my kids. Nov 12 2021 I had a huge setback to my recovery and was basically thrown into acute. It was awful and so scary for me given I had done that before. I wasn’t sleeping or eating. I was becoming obsessed with my withdrawal. I had never up-dosed once in my taper and it was promise I made to myself when I started this journey. I did end up updosing a few times (this is in my signature). When I CT’d in 2018 my worst symptom was this horrible fear that I would hurt my family, I’ve never felt that before, I would never act on it but it was always there. I also did not feel like myself and spent days and weeks trying to find her. These feelings started in November again. Updosing made no difference and the terror continued for me. I am now trying to hold at 1mg of Valium to see if it helps at all (so far it feels like nothing). My doctor has prescribed pregabalin to try to help me cope. I will say it did work at 300mgs but I felt totally drunk and sleepy. I took this dose twice - so total usage 600mgs. I don’t want to be on such high of a dose, but now because of the above experience I am terrified I will withdrawal if I don’t taper correctly, so I need to taper after 2 times? I haven’t decided yet if I am ready to commit to another drug, but I am scared. Thank you for reading
  4. Dear all IS it possible that stopping 25 mg of clomipramine (im still on lexapro 10 and zopiclone and nozinan) gives massive, extreme anxiety, Terror, insomnia? I stopped clomipramine 16 days ago. The anxiety IS getting worse each day. I thought lexapro was going to make up for thé withdrawal. I cannot go back. I am already on 3 drugs. Been on psych drugs hell for 23 years...life distroyed... I was on clomipramine for one year at différent doses. 75 then 37,5. Only 25 mg withdrawal Can give that horrible anxiety ? Thanks a lot
  5. Quest

    Quest

    Moderator note: Link to Quest's benzo thread - Quest - benzo thread Guess I will start by saying hi and letting you all know that this site gives me some much needed hope. I have been fighting this effexor xr battle now for 11 years. Was put on 37.5 mgs of Effexor in May of 2006 and the 75 mgs 3 weeks later for extreme anxiety which they labeled GAD. A month later zoplicone 3.75 mgs to sleep. Never took drugs before other than an antibiotic, so man oh man this was rough on me. Took 4 months to function on them while trying to raise a 10, 8 and 3 year old. Over the years tried at least 4 or 5 times to wean off by typical drs. Orders which always resulted in a crash 2-3 months later. I have always exercised, eat healthy, acupuncture, various healing modalities viatimins- you name it trying to be strong enough to stay off these drugs. It wasn't until last year that I even heard about paws, it certainly is not something any of my drs. Believe exists. They continuously tell me to stop trying to come off, I have a chemical imbalance and I will be on some form of anti depressant for a lifetime! I can not accept this mentality. Yes in the beginning Effexor helped to calm my anxiety but it is no longer doing so and I just don't think adding another drug or two into the mix will help either. Zoplicone is another problem for me. Thank the Lord I never went past a 7.5 tablet. What a horrendous drug to come off. I just recently took 3.75 mgs to sleep again, ( how defeating after being off for 5 months!) but my drs. Other options were seroquel or remeron or elavil. I have tried every herb and tincture for sleep as well as cbd oil. They help for a short time and then tolerance sets in. I have been off of effexor xr for 2 months and then again crashed even after tapering 10% every two weeks which I now know was way too fast. I reinstated 5 mgs on July 28/17 and took a 3.75 Mg of Z on July 30/17 to sleep. I am hoping this time to do it right and would appreciate any help or words of wisdom. I suffer from wicked anxiety that never seems to shut off and I am not wanting to go on cipralex or cymbalta at this time as my dr. Suggests. So very scared at this time. Feeling very fragile ~
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