Futurerecovery: PSSD after a few days

[Futurerecovery]

Hello,

My story is much longer, but here's the short version:

 

December 2014:

2 days Escitalopram 5mg

I got a very mild PSSD. Sexual dysfunction during treatment was worse than PSSD. But I didn't know that it was PSSD.

 

January 2015:

4 days Escitalopram 2.5 mg

I noticed emotional blunting on the fourth day.

 

6 days after the last 2.5 mg, (probably the Vitamin D has nothing to do with it):

Vitamin D (10.000 i.u. , I took it weekly, but this was the last time)

 

7 - 14 days after the last 2.5 mg all my symptoms worsened extremely

 

Some weeks after the last 2.5 mg a few symptoms got better.

Then nearly nothing changed.

I got PSSD, blocked emotions and other symptoms. Symptoms worse than during treatment.

 

I guess reinstating the drug would be a bad idea..

 

I am 23 years old.

[Nomoreheadmeds]

Welcome 'futurerecovery' .Sorry to hear of your troubles youve come to the right place.The members on this site are very knowlegable and supportive.I wish you well.

[Futurerecovery]

Thank you!

[mammaP]

Hello FR, welcome to SA, thank you for posting your introduction and sharing your experience. It is very saddening that you are having these problems after just 6 days of treatment with escitalopram. You had adverse reactions to the drug from the very first pill so I wouldn't reinstate it now as it could make things much worse. 

The symptoms will get better, but it will take time, hopefully you will recover quickly as you had just a few doses. 

 

 

Take good care of yourself, eat good healthy food, avoid alcohol and drugs, and try to get enough sleep. Many people find that fish oil capsules and magnesium help with withdrawal symptoms, start with a low dose and increase if necessary. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

It will help if you can put a short version of your history in your signature strip, you can find how to do that here.. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Try not to worry, withdrawal is distressing but will get better. 

[KarenB]

And can I add to MamaP's list of things to avoid:  coffee.  I only used to have one cup a day, but when I stopped it really helped my withdrawal symptoms to ease up. 

 

Basically, any soothing, healing things you can find will help you get through this easier - hot baths with epsom salts, resting when tired, the company of a trusted friend, cuddling a pet...  check out http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/  for heaps of ideas - you can choose what suits you.

 

It can be hard, but you will get there,

Hugs,

Karen

[Futurerecovery]

Thank you for your advice. I already avoid alcohol as well as caffein. Even before this story I drank alcohol or caffeine rarely. I even have never smoked. And actually I didn't take the SSRI because of a mental disorder.

 

I really can't imagine that my emotions will come back someday. It feels as if there is a barrier in my brain. As if I can't get access to parts of my brain. That's horrible. More horrible than genital anesthesia.

I nearly can't feel fear, anger, sadness, depressive feelings, euphoria and I became nearly asexual.

I can also feel nearly no adrenaline anymore and my heart is much calmer when I am excited.

 

Even my sleeping mechanism is damaged. I am able to sleep well, but I don't feel tiredness as before and it feels totally different in my brain and sometimes my tiredness is converted to chills and borborygmus. In the first weeks this was my most awful symptom next to nausea and breathing problems, I couldn't sleep and the chills were extreme. After a few weeks the chills got milder and I was able to sleep. Nausea and breathing problems also disappeared nearly completely after a few weeks. But since then nearly nothing has changed, my emotions and PSSD didn't improve at all.

 

 

It's so hard to deal with this situation.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Futurerecovery.

 

Your description of symptoms is very, very familiar to many on this Web site.

 

You will heal, it will take time and patience. There are things you can do to support your nervous system in its healing. See our Symptoms and Self-care forum  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/for suggestions about how to cope with symptoms.

[Futurerecovery]

It seems that it gradually gets worse in my case

I lose all hope.

I often drink hot chocolate, is that a problem?

[DaddyCee]

just a word from someone who was on Escitalopram for quite a time..... try to cut out or at least down on sugary products, I found it increased my anxiety and made me feel horrible for 3 - 4 days after.  I am slowing re-introducing luxuries such as chocolate, sweets and cakes but I still have times when it affects me, especially when I am in one of the down periods i.e. wave.

 

Namaste.

[Futurerecovery]

Oh nooo!! It really gets worse. Some weeks ago my ejaculation gradually got worse. Then suddenly my genital anesthesia got even worse and now I have anorgasmia! It's nearly impossible to achieve an orgasm. Even when I don't try it for a few days. I don't understand it.

I hope that I achieve at least a last orgasm for semen cryopreservation.

[oskcajga]

 semen cryopreservation.

 

This is an interesting suggestion.

 

Do you know how much this service costs?

[Futurerecovery]

It gets worse... It seems that I am impotent (erectile dysfunction) now.

 

And my emotional anesthesia is still the same. It's one of the worst symptoms one can imagine. It will stay forever probably because nothing changes.

By the way: I even don't sweat anymore!

 

I don't understand why it gets worse.

 

----

I can't edit my introduction post, it was 20.000 i.u. Vit D

[escitalopramsucks]

You havent been I the drugs for a long time. Just a few days!

 

Cheer up. You have lots of possibilities to recover boy!

[Futurerecovery]

Thank you, I appreciate your comment, but it seems that I will have these symptoms for decades..

Yesterday I played with a soccer ball in the room, but only for 5 minutes. Afterwards I was very weak. Especially my arms although I did not use them. Today it didn't improve. I even feel the weakness when I hold a spoon. It feels exhausted.

I often noticed muscle weakness since PSSD, but now it is very bad and I hope it does not persist..

 

I have also less sensation in the arms since PSSD. When I lie on my arm, it gets numb, that's nothing special, but since PSSD I notice a much smaller difference when my arm gets numb.

I also noticed some months ago that it is much harder to tense the muscles of my pelvic floor. I can't move them as good as before.

[Petunia]

Futurerecovery,

I'm sorry you are going through this, it sounds like you are very worried about your situation. But you were only on the drugs for a very short time, you had a bad reaction and stopped quickly and now you seem to have become hyper-focused on your body, its functions and its sensations. This is not a good environment to support recovery, you are creating more stress and anxiety for yourself which may be prolonging your symptoms.

 

Forget about your body and what its doing or not doing and put your energy into something else. Take up a new hobby, start a project, set some goals and work towards them. Improve your health in general through diet and exercise. If you get interested in something else, relax about what's going on, your body will recover while you are busy with other things.

 

Come here and tell us about your new activities.

[Futurerecovery]

Thank you for your post, Petunia.

 

I wouldn't say that I am hyper-focused on my body because I don't need to focus on my body in order to notice very abnormal symptoms.

 

When it comes to anxiety and other emotions: I wish I could feel them as much as before the SSRI.

 

Yes, I took the drugs only for a short time. But this doesn't mean anything. Damage is damage.

There are a lot of people with PSSD who took an SSRI only for a few days.

Two years ago I took Venlafaxine 75mg for 5 days. I experienced genital anesthesia, but it went away. Though possibly Venlafaxine has altered something in my brain because the Escitalopram-induced genital anesthesia is still persistent.

 

 

 

Forget about your body and what its doing or not doing and put your energy into something else. Take up a new hobby, start a project, set some goals and work towards them.

That's my attitude. And of course I don't care about the symptoms as much as in the first months. But it's hard to cope when a situation that is already extremely bad seems to get even worse.

I was a very passionate amateur musician. Someone called me the George Harrison of the new millenium  

But because of the SSRI symptoms it's very hard to make music because I feel nearly nothing. Sometimes I have even burning sensations in my head when my brain tries to evoke emotions. That's why I am more interested in photography now. I don't need emotions for photography. Though it's not the same as music.

 

About my current situation:

The weakness symptom seems to be much better today, but I don't know what happens when I do sports.

 

Since the beginning of PSSD I have nearly all PSSD symptoms one can have, though currently it is at least still possible to reach orgasms and I can still achieve erections, but especially erections (including morning erections) and ejaculation worsened some months ago. So I hope it won't get even worse in the future.

 

The worst symptom is the blocking of emotions. One can not imagine how terrible this symptom is, it offends against human dignity. It has nothing to do with the lack of emotions which depressive people report. I am even not able to have depressive feelings as good as before! But the worst thing is probably not beeing able to feel love anymore.

I can perceive that there are connections in my brain which I can't access. As if connections have been cut through. It's as if someone cut off your finger and therefore you can not access your fingertip.

[Petunia]

I agree with you that not being able to make proper emotional connections is very difficult to live with. We have lost part of our humanity, making us like a soulless robot, devoid of meaning and purpose. I have been living the same way as have a lot of other people, I read this all the time as I go through introduction threads. But we get better, our proper emotional functioning comes back. Its often one of the last stages of recovery but you will feel love again and you will be able to play music with passion again.

 

What do you like taking photos of?

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

[Futurerecovery]

Oh no, the sleep seems to get worse.

 

The sleep problems began in the same week as PSSD last year.

Back then in the first week of PSSD I nearly couldn't sleep because something in my brain was really messed up. It felt as if the tiredness in my brain evaporated within seconds when I tried to sleep. A horrible feeling one can not imagine. It felt as if the tiredness evaporated like a gas. It felt like sand that went through your hand. The evaporated tiredness evoked immediately shivering, borborygmus and muscle twitches simultaneously within seconds. A week later I could sleep. Because my brain seemed to adapt. I couldn't access anymore the area of my brain where the tiredness evaporated and that was actually a good thing. Because then there was nearly no tiredness which could evaporate anymore. So I couldn't perceive as much tiredness as before PSSD but it was enough tiredness to sleep very well.

But as time passed my perception of tiredness got worse and it felt as if more and more connections/areas of my brain that are responsible for tiredness seemed to disappear or to get inaccessible, though it was often still enough to sleep well.

But now it seems to get critical.

[AliG]

FutureRecovery .    Sleep problems , in withdrawal are very common  . The feeling you are referring to , is to do with cortisol spikes.  You explain it very well . It felt  as if the tiredness evaporated like a gas.  The body , in withdrawal over compensates, and puts you in a state of fight / flight.  It's extremely disconcerting , but it helps a little if you can understand what is going on . Please read these links .

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/33-waking-with-panic-or-anxiety-managing-cortisol-spikes/?hl=%2Bwaking+%2Bpanic

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/555-tips-to-help-sleep-so-many-of-us-have-withdrawal-insomnia/

 

Ali

[Futurerecovery]

No, it's totally different than just perceiving no tiredness. My brain feels like a hand with cut off fingers. It is really like that. It feels as if there are less areas / paths in my brain that can perceive tiredness.

And when I try to sleep I can't access certain areas or paths of my brain. Instead a substance (which has probably something to do with tiredness) in my brain seeps away. And when the substance seeps away it causes simultaneously chills, shivering, borborygmus and other symptoms. My brain feels as if it isn't leakproof.

 

One feels like a laboratory rat.

[Futurerecovery]

I don't know whether I can live with this situation til the rest of my life. It's sooo cruel.

And you can't imagine how cruel it felt when you noticed for the first time in your life that you really (!) couldn't access certain areas of your brain anymore, it's cruel.

I think that it is nerve damage.

 

Some symptoms even seem to get worse very slowly.

[Fresh]

It isn't for the rest of your life Future , it's until it improves.  And it will.

 

Maybe now's a good time to fill us in on the longer version of your drug history , so we really understand your story.

It would be good if you can include street drugs / pot , because we know that they affect the same parts of the brain as ssri's.

 

As you recover , some things do seem to get worse , then better , then worse again. See "The Windows and Waves 

Pattern of Stabilization"  here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

bw ,  Fresh

[JanCarol]

Hey FutureRecovery - 

 

Your name says it all:  in the Future, you WILL Recover!

 

You wrote:

 

 

Yes, I took the drugs only for a short time. But this doesn't mean anything. Damage is damage.

 

Yes, but damage HEALS.  My husband had a stroke - he has a hole in his brain the size of a golf ball.  But he can talk and walk - at about 95% of what he could before.

 

I suggest you find Norman Doidge's book, "The Brain that Heals Itself" for encouragement.  There is more about neuroplasticity here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1160-brain-remodeling/  and here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2761-neuroplasticity-and-limbic-retraining/

 

Then you wrote:

 

 

That's why I am more interested in photography now. I don't need emotions for photography. Though it's not the same as music.

 

Hey!  That's something you can DO!  That's really really good!  Throw yourself into photography, think about nothing but the image on film, er, digital, er, however you do it.  Scout out new places, new times of day, new lighting - really explore this thing.  

 

No, it's not the same as music - but the music will be back.  It may be over a year - but you have something you can do!  That is more than many people can say.

 

Then you write:

 

 

Oh no, the sleep seems to get worse.

 

This is a classic withdrawal symptom.  See:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/604-important-topics-about-symptoms-including-sleep-problems/  in addition to the links that Ali gave you.

 

You were only on the drugs a short time.  Because you had an adverse reaction, it may take a year before you "feel like yourself again."  But take comfort in the things that you can do - can you walk? exercise?  read?  write?  The things you can do will help make shorter this time that you are waiting to heal.

 

Because TIME is the main thing you need to heal this thing.  It does get better!

[Futurerecovery]

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions.

 

I have never taken street drugs, actually everything that is worth mentioning is in my signature.

 

In 2012 I underwent surgery and had to take painkillers for about 2 weeks.

 

In 2013 I took Venlafaxine for 5 days. It caused genital anesthesia, nearly anorgasmia, 10 minutes a racing heart after orgasm, insomnia, dizziness, yawning, something similar to spasm in belly during yawning, extremely dilated pupils, erogenous sensation in left thigh and adrenergic sensation in the belly during sports. I stopped taking it and experienced the worst panic attack that I ever had in my life.

The symptoms went away after stopping it, just the adrenergic sensation in the belly during sports persisted several weeks.

 

Then my story actually started in the summer of 2014. I was depressive for one (!)day. Therefore I took 1 pill of 300mg St. John's wort. But it was not the first time in my life I took St. John's wort(I took it occasionally and I never had noticed side effects from it before).

But on this day I got dizziness, sensitivity to moving objects, very bad brain fog (which felt like brain concussion and as if something with the eyes was not alright) and a very bad lack of concentration that was not comparable to a usual lack of concentration. No cause could be found. But I don't know whether St. John's wort was the cause.

The symptoms were persistent 24h per day and it was terrible. Only during fever after a flu vaccination the brain fog was not there.

I tried physiotherapy and sports, but it did not help.

So one told me that it would be psychosomatic. Therefore I took St. John's wort again. But 900mg instead of 300mg.

I took it for a few weeks and I got hot flushes. After quitting it I got bad withdrawal symptoms from St. John's wort: hot flushes, spasms in the leg, adrenergic sensation in the belly, shivering/chills, nausea, mild amnesic dysphasia/worse short-term memory and a strange smell in the nose. After about 4-5 days these symptoms seemed to have been gone. Surprisingly my lack of concentration and my brain fog improved a bit after the withdrawal symptoms went away.

Though the dizziness, the brain fog and the lack of concentration were still there. So one week later I agreed to take Escitalopram... (December 2014)

 

So in addtion to the Escitalopram-induced symptoms I also suffer from brain fog and dizziness.

[Futurerecovery]

Nothing improves. It's nearly constant. I have blocked feelings(nearly all feelings are blocked, even depressive feelings and tiredness feelings) and sexual dysfunction, asexuality, etc every(!) single second since the beginning. So it's no surprise that meanwhile I nearly got used to these unimaginable cruel symptoms which I have never(!) had before PSSD (apart from the 5 days Venlafaxine).

 

Recently the online PSSD community has been extremely quiet. It makes me feel that it's more rare than I thought and therefore could never get acknowledged.

Reading articles about physicians that praise antidepressants and want to explain everything by depression makes me upset and even more hopeless. I guess there will be doctors and possibly other people who will blame me until my death.

[Martina23]

Hi, I have it also. This that the reading about doctors praising antidepressants makes me furious and desperate for unjustice. But in the last time I told myself that in the majority of professions,not only by the doctors but also by lawyers and almost by all state employees the majority will always defend the easiest solution or do nothing. It is as it is. They are not motivated or maybe even dont have the brain for something other. Therefore if we want something, mostly we have to do the whole work ourselves (that is the experience I did in life).

[scallywag]

Futurerecovery -- you don't have to accept the blame because it's not yours.  Be sure to use the title of an old Elvis tune and "Return [the blame] to Sender"

 

And if the sender isn't responsible, then remember that the blame belongs with the manufacturers who put profit before people and doctors who don't challenge the corrupt system of medical journals. 

[Futurerecovery]

In the last few days suddenly my situation became a lot worse. Since a few days I can't get my resting heart rate below 80, previously it was always 60. I am more sensitive to moving objects and my belly is under tension all the time and I hear as much borborygmus as 2 years ago (especially when I want to sleep). I am sensitive to cold and I shiver occasionally and I am nearly not able to sleep. It feels as if my body releases too many stress hormones. I am not able to get calm. Sounds contradictory to what I have written before, I can not explain it.

Half a year ago a blood test showed that I have Lupus-associated antibodies, but my symptoms don't seem to be typical for Lupus. MRI of the brain was done half a year ago and was normal.

 

I am desperate and I wonder whether my life is drawing to an end.

[Futurerecovery]

Does anyone know whether this symptom (fast puls at rest: 80-100) can go away?

It also feels as if adrenaline is in my belly all the time. Very uncomfortable.

Can anyone tell me that this goes away?

[scallywag]

Increased heart rate can be a withdrawal symptom. Here's a link to our discussion topic on heart rate symptoms:

 

Irregular heartbeat, palpitations, tachycardia, bradycardia

[Futurerecovery]

Oh no! My mother gave me rooibos tea on Tuesday because I felt so bad because of the fast heart rate. The rooibos tea made me extremely(!) calm (though the resting heart rate was still faster than usual), but I did not know that rooibos tea is also serotonergic. Days after the rooibos tea I noticed that I had a little bit more control over my heart rate, but since Wednesday evening the muscles of my face are so tense that it hurts

Today I also noticed that orgasm is not possible anymore at all! :( Last weekend it still worked. Libido and erection seem to be even worse, too. I also have the assumption that my ability to have anxiety is even more reduced.

Sleep still very difficult, my heart rhythm changes when I want to sleep and it feels as if vessels in my brain or head pulsate.

 

What should I do?

[Futurerecovery]

I have also nausea :( Can't eat

[Futurerecovery]

I still have nausea or low appetite, can't sleep well, as soon as I try to sleep my head pulsates and a substance in my brain seeps away. I have the impression that anxiety as well as feelings of euphoria/happiness have been further reduced. Sexuality did not improve, today I achieved an orgasm, but it's nearly impossible and the orgasm is even painful and totally pleasureless. Sexuality was never as bad as now.

[Futurerecovery]

The fast heart rate as well as the nausea went away before 2017, though the resting heart rate changed. My feelings and my sexuality are nearly 100% dead since then. Orgasm nearly impossible and when I reach the orgasm I feel nothing. I am just about to lose my capability of being able to have an orgasm at all. Sexuality was never that bad. I might try CDP-Choline. Also feelings of euphoria and joy have been even more reduced. I also have the impression that food and listening to music or singing or taking a warm shower feels even less satisfying.

 

I have no idea whether the rooibos tea contributed to the deterioration.

[MonadoArts7827]

FutureRecovery, I don't mean to sound like the annoying doctors, but are you SURE it's not just you being depressed?  Depression can cause people to lose interest in sex/pleasure in orgasm.  Idk it just doesn't make sense as to why it would be somewhat good before but then almost zero a few days/months after if you haven't been taking anything...it should be getting better...not worse...

[Futurerecovery]

I am 100% sure. Actually I am even not able to have depressive feelings since then. If you had read my entire thread, you would have noticed that I knew the sexual side effects already from Venlafaxine.

You can't say what makes sense and what not because you don't know the mechanism. The SSRI evoked a syndrom and of course a syndrome can get worse. Never heard of neurodegenerative diseases? For example it is known that also antibiotics (Levofloxacin, ..)

can evoke a syndrome after only 1 or 2 pills and these syndromes can get worse, too.

It is known that tardive dyskinesia can get worse after the treatment, etc... Actually it doesn't make sense to say that it doesn't make sense if you know nothing about it. For instance if something with my serotonin transporter, etc is wrong due to the treatment with the SSRI or if other important mechanisms don't work normal due to treatment with the SSRI, then it's very likely that this alters the brain over time.

By the way the deteriorations were mainly extremely mild compared to the beginning of the PSSD syndrome. The condition is so bad since the beginning that the deteriorations are nearly not worth mentioning.