Hoping to Know Myself Better - without Lexapro - from * Rose Tea *

[RoseTea]

Hello Friend,

 

My story is a long one. I have a history of childhood trauma that I blocked out until I was 24, way back in 1999. When I started having flashbacks, I was diagnosed with PTSD and started on Celexa, the precursor to the more modern medication of Lexapro, and began seeing a therapist. It's been 16 years and a lot has changed for me. Thankfully, I have so many supports in my life now, and skills, that I didn't have back in 1999, including a therapist of 10 years, a husband of 2 years (been together 5), a steady job, and a greater acceptance/integration of the trauma within my greater life story. 

 

I haven't had symptoms of PTSD for several years, yet I'm still on medication. For a host of reasons (wanting to have a baby, weight gain, joint/health issues associated with weight gain, and wanting to know myself more fully and live my life more authentically), I have started the process of tapering down off Lexapro. It's been 9 years since I last attempted to go off this medication, and I feel pretty vulnerable, kind of like I'm attempting to walk a trapeze without a net.

 

On July 17, 2015, I decreased to 7.5 mg Lexapro.

On August 14, 2015, I decreased to 5.0 mg Lexapro.

 

I was planning on decreasing again last Friday, but some new withdrawal symptoms (difficulty getting thoughts/stressful situations out of my mind, feeling more tearful, needing to sleep at least 9 - 10 hours per night) convinced me to settle further into 5.0 mg before trying anything different.  I took an Adovan last night for the first time in over 6 months, just to press "re-set" on my amped up nervous system, and I've taken the day off of work. 

 

I've attempted to go psychiatric medication-free a few times in the past: 

In 2000  - when I had no idea the scope of healing I required - note to self - 6 months of medication and therapy is not enough to heal 18 years of childhood abuse.

In 2003 - after a few months a perfect storm of work stress, breaking up with a boyfriend, and my long-time therapist closing shop resulted in a terrible increase in anxiety, depression, and full-blown attack of PTSD symptoms

And in 2006 - after 8 months medication-free, I started feeling unsafe around a roommate & suddenly stopped sleeping entirely for a week

 

I'm currently taking a Chinese herb called "Calm Spirit" 2x/daily with the supervision of an acupuncturist, I'm seeing an acupuncturist a couple times a week for detox and anxiety symptoms, and I just started a group workshop called "Mindfullness based stress reduction". Also, I'm taking fish oil when I remember, as I've heard that can be helpful, although I'm not sure if there's any science behind it.  

 

Basically, I'm trying to go through this process as mindfully as I can. But my last experiences going off Lexapro (9 years ago!) make me wonder whether I'll be able to make it without the support of the psych meds. I went from part-time to full-time at my job in June, but I'm reconsidering that now, since I'm feeling more stressed. I've done some research, and it sounds like the SSRI Withdrawal Syndrome includes a lot of symptoms that can be mistaken for the diagnosis the SSRI was initially prescribed for. 

 

I'd really love some support on this. I'm trying my best. I just hope it's enough...

 

Thanks, 

Rose Tea

 

 

 

[Petunia]

Welcome Rose Tea,

Thank you for joining and sharing your story. I'm sorry for everything you have been through, but you have come a long way and it sounds like you have a lot of support and a healthy lifestyle, so I'm sure you will continue to recover. You have come to the right place for not only support, but great information.

 

Unfortunately, you have been tapering too fast. A slow taper will not only minimize withdrawal symptoms, it will give you the best chance at getting through the post-withdrawal year or two without having to go back on the drug. We suggest reducing by no more than 10% of the current dose every 4 weeks, this reduces the risk of withdrawal symptoms arising. Please read through this which will explain why:

  

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

and Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

 

I suggest you hold off tapering  for now, to give your nervous system chance to settle down, maybe wait a month or two. When you are feeling stable again, start with a 10% reduction as explained in the links.

 

My own experience is that I was on SSRIs for about 13 years. The last 6 of them I was taking 5mg Lexapro. I tapered off the 5mg over 2 months, I thought this was slow enough, but after being on SSRIs for so long I needed to give my brain and NS a much longer time to adjust.  I started getting symptoms of protracted withdrawal about 3 months after being drug free and still haven't recovered fully, I wish I had found this site and the information here before I had started tapering.

 

Please be careful with the Ativan. If you take a benzo more the 1 -2 times a week, its possible to become addicted, then that will also need to be tapered. Another thing to be aware of with benzos is that if your nervous system is sensitized by withdrawal, its possible to experience interdose withdrawal, or rebound withdrawal after just one dose. This means your symptoms will come back worse than before for a short time, this is not helpful when you are trying to stabilize.

 

Please feel free to write whenever you want, you will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petunia.

[RoseTea]

Thank you, Petunia, for your warm welcome & your insight regarding the taper schedule. 

 

I looked through some of the threads you recommended and am glad to learn of these choices and potential consequences now, before I went further at this tapering speed. I'll hold off at 5 mg until my body tells me otherwise. 

 

And I'll get a more precise dosing syringe so  I can decrease by 10% when I'm ready.  Thanks for the info on the Ativan too. Makes me think that if this continues to be a rough ride I may go back up to my last dose of 7.5 mg, or at least 6 mg, to see if that helps, then proceed more slowly.

 

Best wishes to you. Thank you for sharing your own experiences so that others may benefit.

 

~ Rose Tea