Nurses talk about odd physical symptoms.

[pocketnurse]

Hi all.

 

I am after some advice or feedback if possible.

I have been undertaking a slow taper from 10mgs Lexapro (Cipralex in UK) for nearly two years. I have done this slow taper due to two previous failed attempts with Sertraline. I have been on one SSRI or another for the last 15 years or so.

 

What doesn't help my situation is that I am a nurse and despite all the issues I have had before with tapering I still struggle to come to terms with the fact that most of my symptoms are drug related rather than some other awful ailment. The more I research I do about the dreadful effects of these drugs the more convinced of the dangers of them I become however, on a regular basis in the practice where I work I am up against GP's who still dish them out and have no idea re the consequences of doing so and still give crap advice to patients to withdraw. A number of patients have been investigated for illnesses that are no doubt withdrawal reactions and I find it hard not to get involved but sometimes I find it equally hard to believe that my symptoms ARE withdrawal.

 

Currently I am have major stomach issues with pain and bloating, I have over the last couple of days started to experience feeling shaky, really a kind of anxiety feeling with a rapid strong feeling heart rate I suppose like an adrenaline rush which makes my tummy worse. I feel cold with this anxious feeling too. My mood is very low and I also feeling exhausted all the time which doesn't help when I have to work full time. I just want to sleep to block out how I am feeling as I have convinced myself that I have colon cancer or something terrible.

 

Throughout my taper I have had intense muscle pain, tiredness not resolved by sleep, episodes of balance/ dizziness and raging bad temper.

 

Is it normal for these new symptoms to pop up so long in to my taper?

 

My stress levels are high due to my job right now and in particular a very difficult colleague that can make my life hell and a management that seem reluctant to do anything about it.

 

I fear I am going to pieces again but I am so trying to hold it together.

 

 

Any help will be so very much appreciated.

 

PN x

[Meimeiquest]

I'm a nurse, too, for whatever that's worth. It is very disillusioning to lose confidence in your own career field. Right now I work mostly with kids with serious, chronic illness, so thankfully there is not too much overlap.

 

Seriously, my biggest fear is that I will be a b**** forever, irritability is putting it nicely. Don't know the answer, but I'm with you.

 

I think everyone wh has ever "needed" a psych drug needs to take a careful look at gut health, it is a problem for so many. Also, neurotransmitters, especially serotonin, are active in the gut, so that is not a surprising symptom.

 

I don't know about tiredness not resolved by sleep as I don't sleep that great, but tiredness, yes. Be sure you don't have sleep apnea..it has a huge overlap with psych problems.

 

I personally use a lot of supplements, but they don't help everyone. Inositol, taurine, and GABA are some of my go-to's for anxiety, racing heart, and overactivation in general. And I take three Epsom salts baths a week. Are you taking magnesium? Many people, including me, need it everyday.

 

Holding your dose till you feel better would be recommended.

 

Good luck!

[manymoretodays]

Me too.  Nurse.  I keep the credentials active and am totally looking for a career change.........more like just a job.......but a fully enjoyable one for pay.  A perfect fit for my gifts type of thing eventually.

 

And I wish, I should have/could have listened more to my body and soul earlier in my life and made a change by choice rather than circumstance.  Frankly at this point, I am real proud of what I did refuse.......... pretty much to do.......... in the realm of professional nursing.

 

So......to pocket nurse.........I would say.........and take it or leave it........sure it could be W/D or med effects...........or it could be that you really need to do some self care and take inventory of what just doesn't work for you anymore.  And get curious and excited about the new plans you make.  Even nurse's without medication or W/D get plenty burnt out and should but often don't take a break or go for change............  I mean there are ways to pursue income that don't slowly kill you.  There are always going to be unpleasant co-workers and such.........it is kind of how you look at it..........how you feel inside.........how you keep a balance.  Choose your stressors.  Nothing in life is stress free.

 

And yah.......it's normal.........your body and mental reactions.

 

Mind, body, spirit.........

[LAPeep]

I also am a 63 year old nurse, a Psychiatric Nurse, who has had tremendous difficulty tapering off of Lexapro with an original maintenance dose of 25 mg. for at least 10 years. I am decreasing now by 2 mg every month in a systematic manner. I am now at 6 mg/month. Two weeks after dropping to 6 mg. I have become extremely, horribly, irritable, physically exhausted, and have had tinnitus and whooshing in my head. Driving takes tremendous effort because I feel so foggy. I am light-headed and have flu-like muscle & joint aches with transient bouts of nausea. I tried SAM-E which dramatically helped reduce the aches but caused severe stomach pain, despite trying 3 differing brands. Low-dose Klonopin helps me sleep (no more than 0.5 mg every night). I am now going to try Lamictal starting with 2.5 mg to see if it helps take the edge off while I try to get through this phase, and d/c the Klonopin.

 

It is very, very scary, and upsetting to go through this but I am determined and see a psychiatrist every 1-2 weeks who is helping me cope, using the Byron Katie technique of examining my thoughts.

 

Our bodies, our brains, are causing us suffering but our minds do not have to. Try to observe your suffering from a distance: you are not it.

 

Best wishes,

my thoughts are with us all struggling with this terrible situation.

[LexAnger]

Hi pocketnurse,

 

I can assure you all your symptoms are from either lexapro side effects or WD of it. If you read my signature you will find every one you listed.

 

What is your current dose and what is you taper schedule for the past two years?

 

You may want to add a signature with your meds history for others to quickly understand your situation better.

 

This forum is the best of all available so far across the globe. You can find tons of great information and support to your way of successful and safer taper.

[Cressida]

I also am a 63 year old nurse, a Psychiatric Nurse, who has had tremendous difficulty tapering off of Lexapro with an original maintenance dose of 25 mg. for at least 10 years. I am decreasing now by 2 mg every month in a systematic manner. I am now at 6 mg/month. Two weeks after dropping to 6 mg. I have become extremely, horribly, irritable, physically exhausted, and have had tinnitus and whooshing in my head. Driving takes tremendous effort because I feel so foggy. I am light-headed and have flu-like muscle & joint aches with transient bouts of nausea. I tried SAM-E which dramatically helped reduce the aches but caused severe stomach pain, despite trying 3 differing brands. Low-dose Klonopin helps me sleep (no more than 0.5 mg every night). I am now going to try Lamictal starting with 2.5 mg to see if it helps take the edge off while I try to get through this phase, and d/c the Klonopin.

 

It is very, very scary, and upsetting to go through this but I am determined and see a psychiatrist every 1-2 weeks who is helping me cope, using the Byron Katie technique of examining my thoughts.

 

Our bodies, our brains, are causing us suffering but our minds do not have to. Try to observe your suffering from a distance: you are not it.

 

Best wishes,

my thoughts are with us all struggling with this terrible situation.

Has your doctor said anything about what causes the whooshing in the head ? This is my most distressing symptom. I echo the sentiment of best wishes to all afflicted by WD

[Cressida]

Thank you ladies. Have downloaded CFS Unravelled and a book explaining Byron Katie's 4 question process. Helpful

[Meimeiquest]

It is really important to keep an eye on percentages as the dose gets lower. For example, a drop from 8 mg to 6 mg is 25%. Someone who had enough problems to have to drop the tapering rate at higher doses is going to have a very hard time with that. You might check out the thread Why Taper By 10%. The chart on exponential decay is very helpful. Having said that, I do higher drops sometimes, but understanding what I've done helps me not panic about the high level of symptoms.

[pocketnurse]

Thank you all for your replies believe me it means so much to me.

Whilst I am not for one minute suggesting it is worse if you work in the medical field I just think it an added problem well it is for me. How many drugs other than psych ones would cause such serious withdrawal issues that some people are totally inapacitated by trying to get off them, I have even read on here and other sites about those who are severely disabled and I seriously struggle to get my head around the fact that medical professionals have caused this (not intentionally 10 or 15 years ago but the info is slowly trickling out there about such withdrawal issues).

 

LA Peep you must find it so very hard being a psychiatric nurse and struggling with withdrawal, how do you manage your feelings about these meds when you surely must work with colleagues who regularly prescribe them? I really admire you.

 

I have no doubt that more often than not the patients that I see are in better shape than I am.

 

Manymoretodays you are so right about burn out, the trouble is the "caring professions" need to start caring about each other a bit more sometimes, well at least management do.

 

Thinking of you all 

 

PN xx

[manymoretodays]

So true.  "The "caring professions" need to start caring about each other a bit more sometimes."  I agree.  I think it goes beyond management........oh.......that would help I'm sure.........but onto just a general people caring about people more.

 

I too will echo the sentiment of best wishes to you all, whatever your choices or circumstances.  May we all stay informed as to what is truly helpful and share the information where possible.

 

I really do believe the establishment in general....."psychiatry", if you will,  did know many, many years ago of the realities of their practice.  However, the whys, for me lately........are endless if I let them be and seem to lead to greater suffering.  Welcome to America.  Home of the brave.  Not complaining, mind you.........and feeling more able than dis(abled).

 

I do so wish a long vacation was on my agenda. 

[pocketnurse]

Manymoretodays

 

You speak such wisdom. I think we all need to try and find a silver lining out of what can be a very dark cloud and perhaps a bit more human compassion is an example.

 

What has struck me so much on this site is the empathy and genuine concern that strangers show to one another in times of need. This helps restore my lost faith in mankind.

 

x

[Altostrata]

There are many Papers on diagnosis of antidepressant withdrawal syndrome , but few doctors have read them, being educated mostly by drug company propaganda from the early 1990s until the last few years, when the antidepressants started going off patent.
 
That's 20-30 years of misinformation. And very few studies follow patients long enough to identify prolonged withdrawal syndrome, so that's not even on the radar.
 
A nursing journal published this series Howland 2010 Potential adverse effects of discontinuing psychotropic drugs reviewing withdrawal effects from all types of psychiatric drugs.

 

For your own information, pocketnurse, you may wish to read What is withdrawal syndrome?

[manymoretodays]

Thanks Alto.  Some of that......the articles' content really ouches me...........my coming off MAOI's was no picnic.........yet not one pro recognized what was going on.  The tapering, by the way, was over 2 week.  2 weeks!!!!!  My "serious underlying condition" was stress and life.  Ugh.  Ugh.  And I repeat Ugh.

 

Oh well......it's going to be a beautiful Sunday here in paradise I hear.     And I wanna be a clinical(nurse) researcher again..........

[pocketnurse]

Alto

 

Thank you for your reply. 

 

I have read a lot on withdrawal but as usual there is very little acceptance by the medical/psychiatric world of the devastating fallout for some people trying to quit.

 

I had a conversation with one of the Doctors I work with who appeared quite open to my suggestions and beliefs about these meds and the harm they do. She went along with it until I mentioned how much I had learned from sites such as this one and others like Paxil Progress but her reply was that people who use these type of forums are often crazy anyway! I do not for one minute go along with what she said I see this site as a lifesaver and the best source of advice and support available but it just makes it hard that I work in an environment that pretty much goes against what I want and what I do believe.

 

At times when I feel particularly vulnerable during my taper I start to question my own beliefs about withdrawal and it's side effects and doubt that my symptoms really are withdrawal related. Perhaps I seriously need to reconsider my job as the frustration and turmoil I feel because of the attitude may well be delaying my healing.

 

I love caring for others, I have nursed since leaving school but I feel that I nee taking care of right now! i guess I am feeling a bit sorry for myself.

 

I do want to say that I think you are an amazing person for setting up this site and I truly believe has been a life saver for mny.

 

 

PN xx

[Meimeiquest]

I think the problem goes much deeper than psychiatric care. At least in the US, "normal" care is about making a diagnosis and matching meds to it. The part that lifestyle plays is somewhat known but no HCP's have a clue as to how to help people make those changes in the midst of the many levels of toxicity in our culture, so it really isn't addressed in a meaningful way. There is also a huge problem with how new knowledge is disseminated...if it's not something a pharmaceutical rep brings to you in one minute sound bites between patients, there's not a consistent information stream to practitioners. This has affected such non-emotional issues such as vitamin D testing. 17 years ago my husband started going to a doctor who saw things differently because he himself had suffered a major heart attack. He taught my husband extensively about why and how to avoid trans fats. I think next year they have to be taken out of processed foods here....18 years later.

 

I think the biggest nursing intervention I make is to make dinner from scratch for my own family and get everyone to connect around the dinner table. And between working full-time and tapering, that is not an easy thing and I don't always succeed.

[pocketnurse]

Meimeiquset.

Ditto that about making food from scratch and all the toxins around us. I have come across a fantastic site her in the UK called "canceractive". Whilst the title does suggest the nature of the site I have found it a fantastic resource for helping me to eliminate toxins and chemicals from my diet and my household. i have changed all my cleaning products for environmentally friendly ones and am in the process of sourcing chemical free cosmetics and personal hygiene stuff. I am under the impression that intergrative care for cancer is more commonplace over in the US than it is here in the UK and the site is loaded with information about prevention of disease rather than treatment. 

 

I think you are so right in saying that the nursing profession needs to offer patients more in the way of the prevention to illness approach. Yes we all advise patients to lose weight and stop smoking and to address their alcohol intake but it goes so very much deeper. I agree that stress is a massively important factor to consider in poor health along with sleeping habits.

 

The road to recovery is for me no doubt likely to be a long one from withdrawal but perhaps going through this process may at least have opened my eyes to a bigger picture of not only healing but prevention and the promotion of wellbeing in general. Perhaps this will help me to find something positive out of a very negative experience.

 

Best wishes to you and your family.

 

xx

[Altostrata]

The best doctors or nurses say they learn from patients.

[compsports]

http://doctorstevenpark.com/who-taught-me-most-about-sleep-apnea

 

""Whenever I get asked by patients who are my best teachers, my answer usually surprises them. I tell them my best teachers are my patients. Over the years, I’ve learned more from listening to patients than from anything I’ll ever learn in medical journals or textbooks.""

[Meimeiquest]

So, so true. And probably we have learned things that might be helpful to write about.

 

So I take care of sick "littles" in their homes. We are called in when there is a big gap between what parents can/might provide and what the child needs. Apart from the uncertainty about dying from the illness or treatment (which is huge), I would choose difficult cancer treatment over the tapering/withdrawal process any day. But in all the days of irrational thoughts, I would never choose the life these parents live over withdrawing. To be honest, some of them really don't do very well. It's especially hard for those whose children have been horribly injured by enormous medical errors or easily preventable accidents and for those who don't have a good support system. Many of them have genetic syndromes and there are often unexpressed issues that go along with that.

 

One huge thing that I have noticed is that being organized, having a plan and a schedule, really helps. Sorting out what you need to make it work, rather than having it just happen, helps. "Internet Moms" have an edge. The most amazing mom I am working with right now, though, is a tiny, probably illiterate, woman from Guatemala. I know she's been through a lot as her three kids all have different last names and her son tells me of the brother and sister he has never met back in Guatemala. But she works so hard keeping their tiny trailer spotless and keeps a very precise schedule with her son. But in the midst of working hard, she can turn on a dime and be completely available to just love on and play with him in a totally relaxed way. She says she speaks no English (that means she isn't confident about her English) so her life is unpredictable...many times she doesn't receive the typical communications most of us rely on. But she just accepts each moment as it is and moves on to the next thing.

[pocketnurse]

Yes patients are the teachers here no doubt and it never fails to amaze me how resilient some can be in the face of such trauma, grief and fear. I feel quite selfish for saying this but right now I am seriously struggling with "bad Stuff". By that I mean patient's getting cancer diagnosis or chronic/ terminal disease it feels too close to home right now. I don't even want to look at the news on the TV or a newspaper as everything seems so negative. 

 

I am 47 years old and may be going through some kind of middle age crisis I feel I have one foot in the grave already and can't see any future and what future I can see frightens me because its so bleak. As I have said I love caring for people but I have had enough of seeing people suffer and die I have lost site of those who recover as to me they seem few and far between.

 

I really wonder how much my job is affecting me so negatively but I just can't imagine doing anything else.

 

Sorry for the sob story guys. I feel so selfish especially when there are those like the lady whose son Meimeiquest looks after.

 

xx

[Cressida]

I think we have to disbelieve an awful lot of what goes on in our heads in WD . Its like we see everything through a negative black filter and it can be hard to feel happy or have fun. Claire Weekes writes about this she says something we might have found mildly upsetting we view as a tragedy. Worth viewing the neuro emotions thread where many people explain this beautifully. Eventually the sun does start to break through but my experience is it takes a long time. I am actively trying to retrain myself because I have become habitually a miserable so and so. Its not just our chemicals are upset but we spend seemingly endless days and nights in misery. On the OCD thread Broken explains beautifully how to observe thoughts etc without getting caught up in them. I am so sorry you feel like this. One of my best friends is getting results from her third round if chemo for stage 4 cancer and she's amazing. Our coping strategies are disabled. Hang in there if you can and try to be kind to yourself . The more acute the stage of WD the harder it is to do that . You are amazing doing your job at anytime let alone going through this

[freespirit]

Yes patients are the teachers here no doubt and it never fails to amaze me how resilient some can be in the face of such trauma, grief and fear. I feel quite selfish for saying this but right now I am seriously struggling with "bad Stuff". By that I mean patient's getting cancer diagnosis or chronic/ terminal disease it feels too close to home right now. I don't even want to look at the news on the TV or a newspaper as everything seems so negative. 

 

I am 47 years old and may be going through some kind of middle age crisis I feel I have one foot in the grave already and can't see any future and what future I can see frightens me because its so bleak. As I have said I love caring for people but I have had enough of seeing people suffer and die I have lost site of those who recover as to me they seem few and far between.

 

I really wonder how much my job is affecting me so negatively but I just can't imagine doing anything else.

 

Sorry for the sob story guys. I feel so selfish especially when there are those like the lady whose son Meimeiquest looks after.

 

xx

 

Hi pocketnurse,

 

I don't think there's anything selfish about thinking of yourself and listening to what you do or don't want to bring into your life at the moment. In fact, I believe that without tending to ourselves first, we are doing a disservice to our own being..as well as to those we intend to serve.

 

I'm not a nurse, but was a therapist, hospice worker, and bodyworker over the past few decades. It was during wd that I decided I wanted something different in my life, besides attending to suffering. I was weary of being surrounded by loss, pain, struggle, as well as frustration with clients who refused to take any responsibility for their well-being. I was tired of being placed in the role of being responsible for others.

 

I'm a bit older than you, so can't say this is a mid-life crisis anymore. But it's been a time of a lot of reckoning, questioning, and very deep change. I want the next part of my life, including right now, to be different than most of it has been. I don't yet have answers for a lot of it, but I do know that letting go of who I believed I was and really looking at what matters most are at the core of whatever I do next. 

 

I no longer watch the news and haven't for several years...and there are a lot of types of tv programs I am no longer interested in watching. Our external "diet" of everything in our lives contributes to our internal well-being too. I don't wear rose-colored glasses, but spending energy involved in what's wrong does nothing to improve my mental/emotional/physical health. It's the natural tendency of our minds to focus on what's wrong..it takes conscious and intentional effort to incline it towards something else...even if it means attending to the moments that are more neutral or less difficult. There is in fact, beauty happening all the time...but we miss most of it. Maybe because I'm getting older and realize time is limited, I want to appreciate those moments more and not always be looking for "when it gets better".

 

Instead of cultivating suffering, I'm looking for ways to cultivate joy, peace, and internal happiness...things not dependent on my outside circumstances so much, although I'm doing my best to take responsibility in that sense. I'm looking for how I can be happy or peaceful, even in the midst of difficulty. I don't deny or turn away when things are challenging, but I want to feed the strength, resilience and equanimity that can exist at the same time.

[pocketnurse]

Wow Freespirit what an inspirational post.

 

Cressida you are so right about magnifying events that would normally be trivial. I think in WD we do loose the ability to rationalise things especially those that may be upsetting or painful, I just wish my mind would amplify the more joyful things a bit more too!

 

Freespirit you mention trying to make the best of the time you have left on this earth, well I totally relate to this and perhaps that is where some of my angst is when it comes to my job. seeing the suffering and pain of patients makes me feel anxious that I too don't waste what time I have left as I know all too well how life can be cut short. The trouble is I don't know where to start with fixing myself. Cressida as you say it is all too easy to become habitually miserable but life seems like a struggle in general even in those not going through withdrawal.

 

I have made the effort today not to get caught up in the dramas of my colleagues and by that I mean their moans and groans and general bitchiness. I have spent parts of my day thinking about this site and the members who have spent their time and shown their care and compassion such as you guys and it has given me strength to get through my day and i no longer feel alone.

 

I know I have said it before but I am truly grateful to you for taking the time to converse with me when you are dealing with your own demons. 

 

With love

PN

[Cressida]

Its hard to sustain the positive when wading through so much difficulty. But a friend further down the WD road gave me a good phrase for when I described a short burst of massive happiness. She called them joy punches. I like that as they are very intense but don't last long ( unfortunately. ) but they are a sign you are on the road to recovery. . Can be the joy of interacting with a beautiful toddler, a friend sending a loving card or text, smelling a rose, appreciating a lovely day . . Am sure your patients need to aim for joy punches too. They send positive chemicals whiz zing through your body. And the hope that further down the line there may be more joy. For all of us I hope

[pocketnurse]

Joy punches! One to remember.

 

Thank you x

[freespirit]

Freespirit you mention trying to make the best of the time you have left on this earth, well I totally relate to this and perhaps that is where some of my angst is when it comes to my job. seeing the suffering and pain of patients makes me feel anxious that I too don't waste what time I have left as I know all too well how life can be cut short. The trouble is I don't know where to start with fixing myself. Cressida as you say it is all too easy to become habitually miserable but life seems like a struggle in general even in those not going through withdrawal.

 

I have made the effort today not to get caught up in the dramas of my colleagues and by that I mean their moans and groans and general bitchiness. I have spent parts of my day thinking about this site and the members who have spent their time and shown their care and compassion such as you guys and it has given me strength to get through my day and i no longer feel alone.

 

 

PN, What if there is nothing to fix...as in nothing is broken in the first place. Maybe the post you made on the self-soothing thread and what you did at work is partly the answer. Namely, what we incline the mind towards tends to grow. It is no doubt, much more challenging to do it during WD. However, it's unlikely we'll be very motivated to build the skill when life is going swimmingly. Self-compassion is most needed when we are suffering and it's then that we are more likely to realize that we need it. But noticing what's going on in the present moment as you did on your walk, the world opens up in new and surprising ways. I find sometimes while walking, that the mind chatter is still present for some or all of the time, but when I focus on what's around me...it becomes less noticeable, more irrelevant. There's a larger space to hold all the mind's various opinions on this or that. The mind can be trained into new neural pathways, but it takes awareness and some intention to do it. For some of us the old pathways can be like 8 lane freeways...lol...while the new ones are country roads. Every single time we chose an alternate pathway, we are building the mind towards something different.

[pocketnurse]

Yes I agree, I suppose a very simplistic way of describing it is getting out of a particularly bad habit of negative thinking. I did have a course of CBT which was indeed very helpful. I remember saying to my therapist that in a sense she had given me permission to take on a different vie, that there was an alternative to my very damaging way of thnking.. Instead of continuing down that "freeway" at 60 miles an hour it was ok to turn off down some leafy country lane may be on an adventure at a much slower pace. WD does indeed make it difficult at times to recognise that there are other roads or avenues of thought that we can turn down.

 

I don't like the person I have become, I am bad tempered, cynical and judgmental all pretty much withdrawal related I think but when (or if ) WD ever comes to an end I don't want still be this miserable person.

 

I am going to try my hardest to stay off that freeway as much as I can as it is so busy and too stressful and turn down that lovely leafy lane (or rather muddy lane as it is in the UK right now lol).

 

Thank you for you help Freespirit.

 

xx

[Cressida]

Yep bad tempered cynical and judgemental. I can relate to that. Have woken up to this recently, am surprised ( and not in a good way ) by the stuff that comes out of my mouth recently. It hasn't worked for me to say I won't do that anymore, I ve been saying say at 4 pm I am not going to moan etc etc until 4 pm tomorrow. That keeps me focussed for a manageable length of time and allows the possibility of choosing an outlet for the negativity when I have to indulge. I can't stop it entirely any more than I can stop the other WD sx

Unfortunately.

[freespirit]

There is nothing easy about trying to change the channel, but through repeated experience, it does get easier and more possible. WD has a multitude of challenges, but I think dealing with the stuff that goes through the mind is one of the hardest.

 

Part way through WD, a friend bought me a Wii console. I thought really, video games, at my age? I can't tell you how much playing has helped me though. I was so terrible at a lot of it, which would normally make me upset, made me laugh instead. I have a boxing game, so on days with a lot of anger, I punched out cartoon characters until my shoulders ached. It provided a safe outlet for some of the anger. On ruminating days, it gave my mind something else to focus on...and maybe the biggest bonus was that it reconnected me with the body memories of being active and involved in sports. That was hugely healing for me, and helped motivate around improved diet and exercise. I've borrowed a couple of new games to try out over the winter, to help get me through the longer, darker evenings.

 

PN...I laughed about the muddy lane...because my climate is very much like yours. It's gray and rainy for many months, which I find to be a struggle. Last year, I got out and walked daily in the rain anyway...and it definitely helped in many respects. I even took my flashlight and walked in the neighborhood after dinner. This year, I'm attempting to see what's good about the change of the weather and not just think, "I hate the gray"...obviously, more of a challenge. I bought fenders for my bike, so I can ride in the rain sometimes too. I'm determined to not fall into my usual patterns. I've pulled out my guitar again, my art supplies, and am thinking I'll do some writing in the dark evenings.

[pocketnurse]

Cressida, don't beat yourself up about what comes out of your mouth, in a sense its not you talking it's that little demon WD. We have to try not to become victims to withdrawal in that we allow the inner demon too much airtime. It is also a real struggle trying to manage how we are feeling emotionally and physically when outwardly to others there appears as if nothing is wrong. We all feel let down by Doctors and mental health so no doubt there are times when we feel angry and irritable etc.The thing to remember here and it's really important is that you are aware of your bad temper or cynical attitude and you don't like it. That suggests that it's not really you and your moods are due to your struggle with WD. If you were naturally miserable or bad tempered you probably wouldn't notice it or even care.

IT WILL PASS.

 

Freespirit, Canada is just the most beautiful country. Oddly I love the rain it's that horrible grey "nothing" weather I don't like and the dark early evenings in the winter. A couple of years ago I bought myself a SAD lamp. It is only a little thing only about 30 cms tall but I have found it a godsend. Even if it only has a placebo effect it helps me. I have it on my desk at work throughout the day from around October to March until the weather starts to pick up and the evenings get lighter.. As I am in and out of my office all day I probably manage to accumulate an hour or two in short bursts. To me it feels as if the light has warmth to it (there is no heat) and the brightness has a positive glow to it. If you don't have one I would seriously think about getting one                                                                                                                                           My daughter has a couple of guitars and I have considered learning to play however, I would really love to learn to play the violin so I might give that a go (my poor neighbours). 

[freespirit]

I don't mind rain as much either PN. I find the gray days very uninspiring and often have to push myself to do things. It is lovely and green here, thanks to the many months of rain. Getting dark earlier is also part of the issue for me. The evening seem so long, minus the bike rides and walks I can take after dinner in the lighter months.

 

I'm glad the sad light helps you. I've used one in the past too, and in fact, kept it going through a lot of tapering. But when I tried it last week, it made me feel horrible..so I quit after a few days. I'll have to find other ways through it this winter. I wish a Hawaiian vacation was in my future, but not unless I win the lottery...lol...

 

I agree with your comments to Cressida...it's just not possible to control all of the anger and negative thoughts. I had a lot of days of not allowing myself out of the house, because of being in a really bad mood...or only walked in places with few people.. I think we need to practice a lot of self-forgiveness in wd..we are all doing the best we can.

[dalsaan]

I have got a long day today so I walked my dogs before I left, got up at 4.30 am and off we went.   Something quite lovely about being out and about in the dark when no one else is around.  Everything is quite still.   All the familiar things are a little unfamiliar.   The dogs thought it quite odd but were delighted nonetheless.   

 

I normally loathe the darkness and cold of the non-summer months but this morning was different

 

D

 

Sorry, probably not on topic but just thought I'd share

[Cressida]

Whereas I m in a wave lasted 3 weeks so far at 39 months off and I hate the dark mornings make me feel cut off from the world

[freespirit]

I have got a long day today so I walked my dogs before I left, got up at 4.30 am and off we went.   Something quite lovely about being out and about in the dark when no one else is around.  Everything is quite still.   All the familiar things are a little unfamiliar.   The dogs thought it quite odd but were delighted nonetheless.   

 

I normally loathe the darkness and cold of the non-summer months but this morning was different

 

D

 

Sorry, probably not on topic but just thought I'd share

I don't find this off-topic at all. It sounds like one of the 100 thing to help life feel better. I was walking very early sometimes last winter, just in time to see the sunrise when I was coming home. I love the quiet too..and why I enjoy walking in the evening as well.

[pocketnurse]

Hi Marmite

 

Thank you for the link, I will most certainly take a look. I am amazed that mainstream medicine or at least some of it is finally starting to recognise the issues we are facing. I am currently down to just 1 mg of escitalopram and things are fairly quiet right now, just hoping it's not the calm before a great fat storm !!!

 

Love PN x

[manymoretodays]

Congratulations!

 

No great wave storm thoughts being sent.  I am currently awash in one and I would wish this on no one.  Ever.  I am grateful for those couple of mos. of relief I had although I barely remember.

 

Ug hugs.  Trying to flatten my affect.