Offeverything27: Pssd healings

[dalsaan]

here is a thread of someone who was convinced they were permanently damaged, unable to feel anything - and that turned around for them. - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6664-%E2%98%BC-schizor-can-the-brain-recover-from-antipsychotics/page-4?hl=schizor

 

You have to find the strength, courage and patience to heal.   

 

Dalsaan

 

please put your details in your signature, that way its clear with every post and we dont have to go back and find it

[johnson]

Here's a story of a guy who recovered from PSSD

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7574-theautomator-recovering-from-pssd/?hl=pssd

[AppleOfSodom]

Off,

I wish I could tell you my PSSD has reversed but it hasn't. What I can tell is that it's possible to have a happy life with PSSD. You can still have the house, the kids, the dogs and the fiancé. It sucks, a lot, but it's still possible to have a life.

[Offeverything27]

How long have you had it. Do you have emotional blunting? Insomnia?

[Offeverything27]

Pssd isn't just sexual dysfunction. It's general pleasurable dysfunction. You know how you itch sometimes and it feels good? To itch? People with pssd never itch, and I believe it's because they're dopa-genic expressions were altered, leading to difficulty sleeping, feeling sleepy or just feeling normal feelings of excitement .

 

Pssd isn't just sexual dysfunction, it cuts ally deeper on a spiritual level. It's like having an lobotomy. Dopamine no longer works. Or its effectiveness was altered on a genetic level.

 

When I took Wellbutrin for a week In the psych ward after I tried to end it all, I felt horns and had intense orgasms. But I want to heal from drugs so I quit it. I also started crying again. But I thought it would prevent me from healing

 

Wellbutrin stimulates dopamine e receptors, so it is 100% related to dopamine

 

I just want to be myself again I'm not asking g much

[AppleOfSodom]

I do itch a lot actually

But yes, my emotions are somewhat blunted compared to what they used to be before pssd. I don't cry anymore. On the bright side, that bluntness made my suicidal feelings and anxiety go away.

I know several people that tried Wellbutrin for PSSD. It usually works but for a few weeks, the most. So it's not an effective treatment long term.

[Offeverything27]

How long have you had it.

 

My anxiety is also gone from this. But suicide is a daily thought. I don't feel depression. I just can't accept this about me. I just can't. Life was amazing before this now it's black and white and ******* ugly. Nothing moves me anymore, I no longer have feelings

[Offeverything27]

One of these nights I'll lean too much forward and it will all be over and I won't even know it. That's how I want it. I can't do it knowingly.

[brassmonkey]

PSSD-- Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction.  

 

Everything else you describe is standard WD from going CT from xanax and Effexor, and Wellbutrin, compounded by a good case of self induced panic.  Given lots of time the WD will sort itself out and those symptoms will fade away.

 

I don't keep notes on who can get it up and who can't, but I do know there are plenty of pssd recovery stories.  As with most forums like this the successes fade away never to be seen again, while the hard cases stick around to terrorize everyone with their tales of woe. So you'll have to do some digging to find them.

 

As for the panic, we talk about how to handle that on almost every thread here, and that is the number one thing you need to be looking at right now.

 

An no more veiled threats about suicide, like in your last post, or we will start handing out warnings. 

[Offeverything27]

Pssd is sexual dysfunction Yes, but I believe dopamine plays a big role in sexual function, along with emotional well being.

 

People with pssd also have emotional blunting and that comes with inability to feel anger or sadness or Jealousy or any normal human emotion.

 

I can "get it up" but it's not from me it's my body, I don't feel sexual attraction and it's not because I'm malfunctioning it's because something is preventing me from feeling anything. Something changed my chemistry.

 

People with pssd all have funny blood work. I forget the Chemical, maybe prolactin? Well that Chemical is produced when dopamine is low, and everyone with pssd who gets blood work has high prolactin levels. If that's what it's even called.

 

In my opinion, our livers changed something while trying to eliminate this drug from our bodies, and whatever enzyme it created had permanent effects on the way our body metabolizes energy.

 

All I know is, nothing scares me anymore. I don't panic. At work I'm the **** because when it gets busy I'm like a rock, people look up to me. They don't know I'm dead inside. I can pretend to have emotions, but I don't. At work I focus on everyone else but me and I forget about me. I make people feel good. I make people feel comfortable, and make good money and no one knows. My family knows now since late sept but everyone at my work thinks I' was hospitalized for having a seizure.

 

Nothing makes sense anymore. I lost my direction. Who am I? Why am I here?? I'm just lost. Nothing scares me. Except the thought that this will last forever. And that to me, is too much. I've seen a lot but that's just crazy

[Altostrata]

Unfortunately, going through the consequences of adverse drug reactions forces all of us to grow in ways that we hadn't ever anticipated and that most of the people around us don't have to do.

 

Emotional anesthesia is a very common adverse effect of psychiatric drugs. One might say that is the way they work. This can continue even after you go off them.

 

Sleep disruption is an extremely common withdrawal symptom. Probably most of the people on this site have experienced it.

 

Severe withdrawal syndrome is usually a disaster for anyone who experiences it. There are many, many people on this site in the same boat. Read a few other Intro topics and see what others are going through and how they cope with it.

 

PSSD also appears to be common. We have many reports that it gradually fades with time. Five months is just the beginning of the healing process. Even so, much of life does not depend on sexual functioning. You need to expand on other parts of your identity. If you focus on your sexual ability, you will be growing your distress instead of growing your self-understanding.

 

"Who am I?" is very good question. This is an excellent opportunity to find out who you are apart from whatever sexual identity you've crafted up to now. This will make you a better man and take the pressure off while your body slowly heals.

 

In the meantime, should you have thoughts of suicide, please phone your local suicide hotline instead of posting about it on this site. That is the best way to help yourself. Thank you.

[Offeverything27]

I do expand on the new me whenever I'm not Demi fed of my x. Sexless relationships grow cold, that's just life. It's how it is. And when she is next to me at a stop light next to my work, like two days ago, and she doesn't even look over at me and speeds off then I want to die I'm sorry I just can't get past it. I have days where I forget but it always shows up on Facebook or when I see my x or a girl hits on me and I don't feel anything, I feel so empty there is not a person o. The earth without pssd that could understand the depth of pain that we're capable of . I would rather have cancer; I would rather have lost my legs. Anything. Sorry i e just been through a lot before all this, and this makes it all seem like nothing so I know that this is truly a disaster

[dalsaan]

well its temporary, your best option is to find ways to support your body to heal and find ways to support your spirit in the waiting period.  I recommend you seek face to face counselling

 

Dalsaab

[Offeverything27]

This ain't temporary. The depression and sadness I felt the first time I quit Effexor was temporary and it took about three years to feel normal.

 

This time, I don't feel anything. I damaged my body beyond repair.

 

The first time I quit Effexor I had bad depression afterwords for probably three years before I was myself

 

Five months since I quit 75 mg Effexor I don't feel anything. I do t have feelings I'm good as dead

 

I will be soon too. I'm sure it's hard for people to read that but how can I wake up everyday with people smiling having feelings and myself feel dead knowing how I felt before this, being constantly Tortured knowing how ******* wrong this is. No one knows.

 

People call it pssd. Yeah the sexual side effects of this are terrible but there's something bigger going on. I don't feel feelings. I'm going to kill myself damnit

[Altostrata]

Yes, we know exactly how you feel. Most of us have been through the same thing. It seems you haven't read any of the responses to your posts.

 

This site is not the appropriate place for you to find help for those thoughts. Please contact your local suicide hotline and seek face-to-face help rather than posting them here.

[Offeverything27]

Back to the psych ward.

[Altostrata]

If that's your choice. Do what you think is best for you.

[Theon]

Please Offeverything, don't do anything that you will regret, or maybe not because the emotional blunting prevents you from feeling regret... 

 

 

BUT PLEASE WAIT, we can't feel but we can think, and logic tells me that this may or may not get better, but you will never know if you don't give the opportunity... and chances are that it will get better.

 

I have the same problemas as you with the lack of feelings/emotional anesthesia/ nothing moves me, etc. And also lack of libido.

 

It also appeared after the second round of AD, and not after the first round,, and I am younger than you (22 yo), so I know what is like to be in the best moment of your life for flirting with girls and just not being able to feel anything...

 

Here it is a thread of someone who recovered from loss of libido years after stopping antidepressants... I hope it is ok to post threads of other forums, if it is not ok please remove it, moderators.

 

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/554388-SSRIs-and-libido-there-is-hope!?highlight=SSRIs+libido

[Altostrata]

Thank you, Theon. That's a very interesting thread.

[SquirrellyGirl]

Overeverything27, I read through your thread and find it very frustrating that A) you have refused to fill in your signature so we can easily see the timeline of what you have taken, how much, how long, when you came off, etc. despite several requests and you seem to not acknowledge anything that anyone has offered up here.  And yes, it is very distressing for us to have to read your threats of offing yourself.  I am willing to bet that just about every one of us has been so desperate at one time or another, which is why we support each other here.

 

First of all, you are keeping yourself desperate by cogitating over your situation over and over and over.  No one can rescue you.  You have to make the decision to take care of yourself, using the forum for support and encouragement along the way.  You need to be forgiving and nurturing to yourself.  it is true that people who have been on and off a drug and back on a drug can end up in your situation, and yes, it TOTALLY SUCKS!!!  I'd been on psych meds for 19 years and only now am finally seeing the harm they did to my life in subtle ways, anhedonia and PSSD being not so subtle ways.  

 

I guess it's easier for women in the PSSD department because we can fake our way along.  I went off Effexor last year and during WD (not realizing I was in WD) I reached a point where my erogenous zones felt nothing - I was dead wood down there!  I ended up reinstating 37.5 mg Effexor before realzing what I had been experiencing was WD, and the good news is that, although I have no sex drive, there has been improvement in responsiveness, so YES, it is possible to have improvement.  I am slow-tapering mirtazapine first because it is causing me to keep gaining weight, but then I will work on the Effexor and hope that my body will keep healing and coming back in that regard along with everything else.

 

Seriously, you are furthering your suffering by agonizing. You have got to see WD as healing.  Right now your healing isn't far enough along to allow you to feel as you want, but you have got to be patient and kind to yourself.  When you catch yourself agonizing, stop yourself and allow yourself to be distracted.  Go to a movie, stream some Netflix, go for nature walks, etc.  Catch yourself and tell yourself to stop.  I used to do the fretting and now I can see that going down that path is harmful, and so I am getting better at catching myself doing it.  And you know what?  I'm feeling better!

 

I recommend everyone watch some Eckhart Tolle youtube videos.  His teachings have really helped me step back from my suffering; you have the choice to engage in your own suffering, or not

[Offeverything27]

So I'm in the psych ward, and the doctor introduced me to a women who recently lost her kid, and was suffering a major depressive episode. She described to me how she felt, privately because she overhear me. She says overnight she lost her ability to feel anything, and that she also has zero libido. She was probably around 28 years old, the doctor told me that everyone in life experiences at least one major depressive episode. And that right now that what I'm experiencing, and that it may have happened during or after the Effexor. But that I have to keep focusing on change, and to make habits that fit a healthy lifestyle and eventually my brain will revert back out of 'safe mode'

 

Then I'm lying in bed and this guy next to me is talking about how he wanted to die and how he's been on crack for 20 years. He says, "if they put me on an anti depressant and my junk doesn't work I'll for sure kill myself"

 

He said that without knowing why I was there. It was ironic the way he said it and meant it.

 

They wouldn't admit me because after I spoke with the women in a major depressive episode is kind of made sense to me that maybe this is similar to pssd and that I do have hope now. And they seen it and discharged me so I wouldn't have to spend another two weeks In there coloring and practicing group therapies consisting of herbalism get words that rhyme with boat or whatever they had me doing those two weeks they pumped me with with anti psychotics and mood stabilizers. Thank god I spoke with that women

 

And I do read every response and I'm grateful for every word. I also have tried to create a signature but I can't find it

[Offeverything27]

Sorry for typos and terrible I phone auto corrections

[AliG]

 Hi Off,

 

Got  to the top right  corner , and click on your name . Then click " Settings". Then click "Signature."  Put in what you want, then  " Save". 

 

I'm glad you somehow avoided being admitted to  the " psych  ward".  I'm sure that you're better off , for it.  You will get  more help here.  Just get familiar, with the site. " Symptoms & self - care".  " Tapering", if that's what you're doing  etc.  Have a look around , and get knowledgeable about  your condition.  You are in the best place to deal with this. Much better, than being "admitted," and ending up on more of a drug " cocktail  ".  I think you had a " lucky escape".

 

Ali.

[Offeverything27]

For some reason I can't make a signature. The website doesn't let me sign in so I have to log in through gmail .

 

I quit Effexor 5 months ago

I experience

-emotional numbness

-sexual numbness

-major depression

 

Here's my question. Will being on 75mg of Wellbutrin prevent me from healing? Last time I was at the psych ward they put me on Wellbutrin the last day so I've been on it 7 days

 

I want to heal and feel myself again

 

Do you people think I should be completely clean to heal?

 

It's scary because it makes me feel the way I used to be. I feel normal even sexually I'm myself again. I just can't take much more

 

I'm not looking for professional advice just opinions

 

I'm about to take a year off work to rest and heal. Insomnia I between shifts is wrecking me

[Altostrata]

Common side effects of Wellbutrin are nervousness and sleeplessness.

[tgirl]

Are you feeling better? You said you have been on it 7 days and that you feel normal even sexually. Does this mean you feel normal brain wise and sexual wise?

Tgirl

[Futurerecovery]

It's scary because it makes me feel the way I used to be. I feel normal even sexually I'm myself again.

I don't understand you. You say you will kill yourself because of PSSD, etc and then suddenly you just say that you feel normal even sexually. I would be extremely happy if I experienced a day with no PSSD someday.

[Offeverything27]

Wellbutrin helped the pssd i would say 70%

 

It also helps my emotions come up 

 

I'm coming off of it though next week. Taking sick leave from work too, just was diagnosed with diabetes. Honestly im happy i have diabetes, now i can take time off work. life isnt so amazing anymore. Just a year ago my life was full of possibilities. 

[Offeverything27]

Ive read wellbutrin helps pssd for a couple weeks at most, plus i'm not sure i can live through another protracted withdrawal. 

[Offeverything27]

Last night I was extremely horny, strong libido and strength. Today, not so much. Sorry for being so confusing future I'm not all there I guess. I do feel better on Wellbutrin but I'm not even close to being me so it's not worth it to me. Sorry again

[Darwin]

I just keep pushing myself, going to work, the gym: the I wake up with the gut wrenching feeling of being alone, realizing how important love was to me, how important dreams were to me and how they kept me happy. Realizing now that I feel cold, I can't sleep. My feet vibrate.

 

My x is out there and she needs me, and I'm trapped. I don't get the warm feeling I used to when I would cuddle up with someone, or before you sleep.

 

It's demoralizing. I can't and won't live like this. It's too painful. I haven't heard Anyone who said they got better from this. I read stories of people feeling good after a couple months.

 

Deep down I'm screaming to get out, I'm trapped. I can't expect Anyone to understand

 

This is t depression it's physical. Why can't I feel that warm feeling anymore ?

it could be worse. I haven't even started my life yet and i feel all the same feelings you do. also lost a lot of opportunities and potential relationships. i haven't even graduated high school when it used to be so easy for me now it's a task and i can't even go 10 minutes without feeling like dying. i have no emotions to anything either. and my brain is basically dead. I'm doing my very best to heal from this injury through holistic ways. **** anything involving western health practices. all of them. 

[Offeverything27]

Update.

 

I just got out of another but more expensive psych ward type place.

 

During the stay, I found that distraction is very important. And in distraction I found my brain has found a resting place, a place where I feel content for the first time in the last 5 years

 

I no longer search the Internet, play video games, or worry.

 

I've been making a conscious effort to become mindful of anything that creates fear or stress in my body. I find myself feeling emotions, thought I'm not 100%, I would say I'm 65%.

 

Just ten days ago I was 5%.

 

Also, I'm medication free. In treatment I took a course on mindfulness. I found the peace that I've been searching for, just by stopping the cycle of fear enforced obsessive thinking

 

What I'm experiencing is a bad case of depersonalization. The last three days I've also just find, I've been getting chills and rushes of feelings up my spine from random things

 

I believe this is because my brain is t co poetry occupied by stress, now my emotions are letting go. Last night I had annoyingly high libido. Yes annoying. I won't get into detail too much

 

Also, the vibrations in my feet are all but gone now that the relentless stress had been replaced with positive thinking and prayer

 

Tonight my legs feel warm, I'm sitting down watching hockey and trying to slow my mind down enough to process it.

 

Pssd? Maybe..

 

De personalization?.. Most likely.

 

I had the pleasure of meeting a young nurse who had suffered from something similar and she has been walking me out of this nightmare. I'm never looking back. Now that I understand that looking back is a decision, as well as dwelling.

 

If I look back to when I was emotionally healthy, I wasn't constantly stressing about stress and obsessing about fear. If I look back I remember things moving slower, and I feel I'm finding that groove again

 

Thanks for everyone who responded with kind words and the people who kept me from hanging myself when I was at my worst by giving me links to people who've recovered

 

The key for me, is breaking the cycle of stress in my mind. It's letting up, and it's a habit you must break if you want to feel well again

 

God bless

[Altostrata]

Yes, you need to manage those obsessive symptoms.

 

Otherwise, it sounds like you have some withdrawal symptoms. But, as you've found, better not to fixate on them, focus your mind on healing thoughts and activities.

[Offeverything27]

For five months I've been suffering from sexual dysfunction after discontinuing Effexor 75mg.

 

Also I've been suffering from emotional numbness

 

Also, I've been suffering from extreme levels of stress

 

Last week I felt 0 improvements. I recently elimiminated my stress and negative thoughts with mindfulness meditation

 

In the last week, my libido has partially returned to normal. My emotions have partially returned to normal.

 

I also have moments now where my heart races and I get chills or goosebump sensations up and down my spine and back

 

I'm now convinced that I was stuck in an overactive stress type mindset which was affecting my energy, affecting my sleeping patterns, affecting my emotions and sex drive

 

I'm still having some physical responses to extreme stress but I now understand that I've developed very very bad thought patterns

 

Yesterday I felt tired at night, my feet were warm, and I felt that sexual energy that I haven't experienced in a couple years since starting Effexor

 

This is no joke. Anyone who has this I pray for every day, and I truly believe and hope that we will all recover

 

I now understand that I lost touch with reality in some ways. It's difficult to describe, but I believe Effexor worked by taking me out of reality in some ways.

 

Now that I'm experiencing progress, I understand how important it is to challenge your mind and to understand that you can get back to normal. It starts with faith, at least for me.

 

I believed the entire 5 months that' I had damage to my brain from Effexor. Now I understand that this is something I can slowly come out of.

 

Yesterday I laughed and actually later felt angry when I was cut off while driving. A week ago i wouldn't have understood anger. Now my mind is slowing down enough to process certain emotions

 

Once I recover from this, I will dedicate my life to helping others, forever letting go of all the shallow beliefs I had before this, beliefs about myself that held me back. Egotistical beliefs.

 

Thank god, thank you everyone here who tried to help when I was close to giving up. And thank you Astro for always responding

[Altostrata]

You're welcome. Paying it forward is always rewarding.

[Offeverything27]

'When nothing seems real'

 

If you've diagnosed yourself with pssd, do you feel like nothing is real? Like you've lost you identity? Your ability to feel love or anger? Or lust??

 

Well, if you think you have a sexual dysfunction from discontinuing an anti depressant, your not completely right, or wrong

 

What we have is a form of de personalization. Since I've realized that this is truly the reason for my suffering, I've been doing anything and everything to focus on the moment, and truly try to make sense of everything.

 

I haven't noticed until recently that I've been living in a fog, almost like i was stuck in an obsessive mi east focusing on my symptoms and how unreal the world felt

 

Since realizing this, I've been focusing on the present moment, letting go of the obsession in my mind as to how I can't feel emotions, or how I have no libido or how I can't sleep.

 

Well, something funny happens when you retrain your focus on reality, and let go of this unrealistic self centered obsession.

 

For brief moments you begin to make connections. And right now, these brief moments are allowing me to let go of this new de personalized 'me'

 

I now realize that I was fearful of this new state of mind. And the fear reinforced the obsessive thinking, which fuels the de personalization

 

How terrible is this!! Anyone who has this would naturally be terrified and then obsess over it trying to figure it out. Well that's where the secret is

 

When your in a state of de personalization for an extended period of time, you forget reality. And once you realize you've lost touch with reality, be it from an anti depressant or anti psychotic, your terrified!

 

You begin to obsess over everything related to it.

 

De personalization is a state of mind. And getting over it comes with acceptance that your not in the moment anymore. Your in a new state of mind where your observing yourself after realizing you've lost touch with yourself. You then feel fear. The fear fuels obsessive thinking. These two things will keep you stuck In de personalization. These two things continue to take your attention off reality, keeping you stuck on this new you.

 

Well, from my research and recent progress I've learned that you will not get better from de personalization or 'pssd' until you accept that this is real, but know that's it's temporary. And learn how to meditate to slow your heart rate, and lower your stress, and give yourself time to sink back into reality.

 

The one thing that will keep you from finding yourself again, is if you focus all your time obsessing over your feelings in the moment. Re train your mind to learn how to simply understand what's going on around you. When you watch tv try to focus on the moment, and what people are saying and how they react. Study people and their reactions and you'll come out of it

 

I've recovered 50% in the last week or so just from letting go of the stress associated with this obsession. And the more sense I make of things, the more I know what to look for , and more and more begin to make sense.

 

And when you start to see improvements, it starts to make sense, that this is temporary. And that realization alone gives me more peace, making sleep easier furthering my journey out of this black hole