Twinmom Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 Thanks for your support. I'm happy to say I'm in my 6th week sugar free. But that's really where the happy ends. Mood/rage flares up daily and it's getting me down. Feeling trapped and like a terrible mom and person. Sad mood returning too. Anyway, that's life. I just wish I didn't have this ******* raging monster inside all the time. Somehow I think my dogs and kids understand and I probably think it's worse than it is, since it doesn't seem to affect them even when I let it out (eg kicking the back door of my house as hard as I could this am about 5 times, and thankful I didn't hurt my foot). Anyway. I'm grateful for everything else in life. I took Zoloft at 50mg/day, then 100mg/day, for 18 months for Postpartum Depression. My dr wanted to increase to 150mg, at which point I decided I needed to get off (at about 1 year). I had many debilitating symptoms but it took me a while to recognize that it was the drug causing the problems. I tapered off over 6 months, and had lots of horrible discontinuation symptoms. I went from 100 to 50 by alternating doses (doctor's plan), for probably 2-3 weeks, then to 50, and stayed there for several months. Then down to 25mg/day alternated with 50 mg/day for a couple of weeks, then straight 25, then every other day 25, for like 2 weeks each time, down to one dose of 25 every few days, then off completely. I'm now 3-4 months drug-free but still experiencing severe mood fluctuations and some depression and self-harm. Just wondering when it's all going to end and when I'll be back to my old self. As long as the answer isn't "never" I just want to hear other stories. xo Link to comment
KT38 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 The anger is horrible, I know. I've realized that any little stress triggers it....and we have no control because our brains have no filter. It should hopefully end someday! Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus). Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted November 30, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 30, 2015 Hey Twin - Wow, I know you resist, but it really sounds like you need a heavy bag. Heavy bag is better than punching bag because you can kick it, slam it with your body - and if you don't move fast - it will kick you back! I cannot imagine the demands of twins; on your body, on your time, on your energy levels. I agree with Alto, there is not enough support for new moms - as you have seen by how many people on your thread echoed, "Me, too!" Additionally, when learning about my own problems, I see again and again, situations where the young Mom is not nutritionally supported during her pregnancy. Oh, they'll give us the pills, but they won't test for Vitamin D, iron, calcium, magnesium, and copper? Sigh. You're doing fine. The rage is the current symptom - but there are likely others to follow. Meanwhile, learn what others have experienced - and how they have managed - here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8097-coping-with-with-irritability-anger-and-rage/ "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Twinmom Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks everyone. Just wanted to update quick. I take each day one at a time but feel like I'm on a path to inner peace. Clean eating, jogging and yoga when I can, reading books when I can (peaceful parenting, happy kids is wonderful). "Letting a big emotion take hold, then pass, without acting on it..." xo I took Zoloft at 50mg/day, then 100mg/day, for 18 months for Postpartum Depression. My dr wanted to increase to 150mg, at which point I decided I needed to get off (at about 1 year). I had many debilitating symptoms but it took me a while to recognize that it was the drug causing the problems. I tapered off over 6 months, and had lots of horrible discontinuation symptoms. I went from 100 to 50 by alternating doses (doctor's plan), for probably 2-3 weeks, then to 50, and stayed there for several months. Then down to 25mg/day alternated with 50 mg/day for a couple of weeks, then straight 25, then every other day 25, for like 2 weeks each time, down to one dose of 25 every few days, then off completely. I'm now 3-4 months drug-free but still experiencing severe mood fluctuations and some depression and self-harm. Just wondering when it's all going to end and when I'll be back to my old self. As long as the answer isn't "never" I just want to hear other stories. xo Link to comment
Twinmom Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 Quick update: 9 months drug (Zoloft) free (after almost 18 months on) and feeling really strong on the road to full recover. Rage is way better, and when it comes it's more mild and I can cope with it much better. Clean eating, -25lbs down (more than that came on while I took meds), running, yoga, returning to work part time has been huge contribution to healing. Hoping many of you are also on a healing path xo I took Zoloft at 50mg/day, then 100mg/day, for 18 months for Postpartum Depression. My dr wanted to increase to 150mg, at which point I decided I needed to get off (at about 1 year). I had many debilitating symptoms but it took me a while to recognize that it was the drug causing the problems. I tapered off over 6 months, and had lots of horrible discontinuation symptoms. I went from 100 to 50 by alternating doses (doctor's plan), for probably 2-3 weeks, then to 50, and stayed there for several months. Then down to 25mg/day alternated with 50 mg/day for a couple of weeks, then straight 25, then every other day 25, for like 2 weeks each time, down to one dose of 25 every few days, then off completely. I'm now 3-4 months drug-free but still experiencing severe mood fluctuations and some depression and self-harm. Just wondering when it's all going to end and when I'll be back to my old self. As long as the answer isn't "never" I just want to hear other stories. xo Link to comment
Hopeinahpwr Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Hi Twin mom I am praying for you. Like many on here, I am also in the middle of an epic battle and like you, look to a day of true peace off of ADs. Thank you for sharing your story. On zoloft since 2000 for OCD/anxiety. Tapered off from 150mg to 100, 50, 25 over Dec/Jan 2015. After month n half off, began depression. Being terrified, as I never had depression before, after a few days, went back to 50mg, then five days later to 100mg. Now stable. I will stop this medication, with time and perseverance...my current taper level and timing are as follows, which includes No other Rx's, No alcohol, NEVER any illicit drugs: 84mg from October 2016 82mg from February 2017 79mg from April 2017 77mg from June 2017 75mg from July 2017 "Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift." - Eleanor Roosevelt "Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation." - Viktor Frankl Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Twinmom, I am also 9 months Lyrica free. It is good that you feel progress. Stay strong. You will make it. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus getofflex Posted October 26, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 26, 2021 Twinmom has now recovered and written her success story! It can be found here: Twinmom Success Story 1 Please do not private message me. Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment
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