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lavendertealatte

lavendertealatte: Hello and hello

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Rosetta

The mind is scrambled by the adrenaline and cortisol.  It keeps trying to determine the threat, but there isn't one. So, it tries to find an issue for the person to address.  For each person in WD there is a different focus or obsession on which the mind focuses, but the process is the same.  Some people have health anxiety, some have an OCD issue that is more esoteric, or they have a clutter issue as I do.  Your mind has focused on your religion.  That sounds pretty uncomfotable.  Worrying about faith and salvation probably ranks above health anxiety for many people.  

 

If I were to analogize your OCD issue to mine and tell you how I have struggled to address the issue for the past year with very little success, I'm sure it would feel inconsequential.  Clutter is pretty unimportant compared to faith.  But whatever the issue one's mind has decided to obsess about, I don't think it can be fixed until the adrenaline and cortisol and neurotransmitter imbalance is starting to resolve.  Then, you will get moments or hours of seeing your concerns more clearly and they might even feel simple and easy to resolve.  Once that happens a few times you might consider taking a long break from church.  Right now, you could try staying home to see if it would make you feel better or worse.  Then, go back if you feel worse.  

 

Is the worry over your faith always there?  Or is it only when there is an event at the church that you feel anxious?  Are you able to distract at all if you are not at the church?  I hope so.

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lavendertealatte

Hi Rosetta,

Thanks for the reply.  Yes it's very uncomfortable because it feels very threatening as you say.  That is exactly the word for it. The worry mainly happens with events/groups, and it feels very limiting and distressing to me.  I am able to distract from it when I'm at work and when I am with those who are nonbelievers, I am quite clear where I stand.  It is very strange.  I did decide to take a break this weekend.  I felt like I was fairly at rest and accepting of my situation, and not jumping to conclusions like because I was not participating that must mean I am falling away.  But then I participated in one group time, only to have the anxiety come back, and to feel resistant to participating in the next.  Members in the next group suggested I rest, probably sensing my hesitation, and at that suggestion that I rest, I felt so defeated and downcast.  

I am curious what is your clutter issue?

 

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lavendertealatte

Been practicing meditation in the morning.  If I don't leave for work right away I can get myself into an anxious situation pretty quickly.  Saw a picture of my friend with some of her other friends, and immediately started feeling concerned that there's something about me that I don't know that is pushing people away, that there's some reason why I don't have as many friends as I used to, that I don't make friends as easily, maybe it's the anxiety that is causing people to not want to be around me and not be normal.  Something.  It's so disheartening to not be able to think objectively.

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