☼ alexjuice: About

[Rhiannon]

"Mainly I sound like a hypochondriac." Alex

 

We all feel like that. We aren't. We have been seriously affected by AD's. I tr not to talk about myself to others. I save it for you folks LOL

 

Epstein-Barr. Do not confuse EBV with cold sores. They are cousin viruses but not the same.

Most American over the age of 30 have EBV. It is transmitted thru saliva, contaminated water, kissing, coughing on someone who is in a active phase. It resides in the B cells in the entire body and can easily be reactivated from stress, illness.

 

The symptoms are as bad as WD with fatigue being a major problem. It can be identified thru a test called Blood Titers. The virus is not visible but the antibodies are present, and in an active phase can be very high. I had to treat it holistically and let it runs its course which was (2) years. Once in a Blue Moon, I can feel it, and I know how to treat it and be done with it in a 24-48 hour period.

 

The symsptoms I experienced where Fatigue, Migratory Aches & Pains, Flu Like Sensations, Horrific Anxiety (we have B cells in our brain & this virus causes symptoms that affect the brain like WD), blurred vision, forgetting how to spell, vomitting/nausea (bad) on the onset.

Depression, loss of appetite, weight loss, food sensitivties, major light sensitivity. Weakness, not being able to sleep, waking unrested. I had a slight skin discoloration for a brief period at the onset, hair loss, hand tremors.

 

It is grossly misdiagnosed. If you go to an MD that says "everyone has it" you are in the wrong office. You need a blood test. At least you know what you are dealing with.

 

The stress from WD reactivates the virus. I took Pill Curing, alot of B Complex and other supplements to bolster my immune system. I was not on AD's at the time and the supplements helped. Valerian was helpful for sleep. Aloe Vera soothed my intestines.

 

Then I took Pamelor for the anxiety/depression and it did help and I was able to stop freaking out and learn about the virus and take better care of myself. I needed to get the anxiety (panic attacks & depression) under control first which I did.

 

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, frighten anyone or make a diagnosis of EBV. It amazed me then how it was so often overlooked.

 

Believe me the symptoms mimic WD......Ironically I would not have been able to overcome EBV if it had not been for the Pamelor at the time.

 

Today because of AD's - I have alot of difficulties with supplements and find I need to stay away from them. Additionally, use of antibiotics will exacerbte the virus.

 

Alex be your own best advocate in uncovering why you feel the way you do. We all have to.

 

Hugs

 

Hey Nikki, thanks for this. I know I have an EBV titer. Lately, since I've been tapering, every time I get sick I get this overwhelming fatigue. If it's a virus the fatigue lasts for weeks after I'm actually over the virus itself. It does finally go away.

 

My daughter had a sinus infection this past spring and took antibiotics and she had this overwhelming fatigue for months. She also has a history of EBV (she actually had mono--EBV is what causes mono, but you can get infected with EBV without getting full-fledged mono).

 

I've had postviral fatigue like this a few times in the past, mostly when my kids were little and I was lactating (which seems to boost immune activity) but it's never been this bad.

 

I actually feel better about it now that I have a possible explanation--thanks!

[Rhiannon]

Thank you.

 

I watched your video. It made me happycry. Thanks.

 

your friend,

Alex

 

Love you Alex.

 

good to hear you're feeling a bit better. Well enough to consider taking classes, yay!

 

How is the new diazepam formulation?

 

I have to agree that if you could get your body to absorb food and nutrients a lot of stuff would improve and heal. Unfortunately my magic wand is broken. (Okay, probably not the best analogy to have used, in light of your other complaints... ;-)

 

The best news is that you're young, and bodies can heal themselves in remarkable ways, especially when young. If you're making even incremental progress, there's a lot of hope. It's still going to be a long journey, but I still predict that five years from now you'll be amazed.

 

I want you to come to my house so I can make you pots and pots and pots of chicken soup. (It's a mom thing. Or a control freak thing--I always have to do something.)

[alexjuice]

I just back from the doc. My bp was low -- it's always low but my doc anxiety reliably raises it to normal (mostly) when visiting doctor's offices. So I was happy to give a more representative reading.

 

We talked symptoms. He is such a nice guy. He said, "Bp, sweating, erections, circulation, hormones... I'm starting to think this is autonomic in origin. Have you heard of the autonomic nervous system?"

 

Anyway, he wants to send me to an ultrasound and then to a neurologist. He is such a nice guy, have I said that.

 

I didn't get any hormones or anything... While I am really worried about my gonadal issues, I am lucky that I have recovered substantially in my sensitivities. I think I can try a lot more than I could before, just at lower doses.

 

I have definite problems with blood flow, and have for a long while. I wonder if that's the reason I can't feel my lower legs well in the last month or so. I can tolerate Gingko and may try it (I definitely do not recommend gingko for anyone sensitive.)

 

That said, I actually need to slow down with the supplements. There are two many variables at once confusing everyone, including me.

 

I'm all the place right now. I had some espresso at the doctor's office.

[alexjuice]

Love you Alex.

 

Awww, I love you too!

 

good to hear you're feeling a bit better. Well enough to consider taking classes, yay!

 

How is the new diazepam formulation?

 

I am feeling better, a lot better -- mentally. Physically, things are really, really screwy. Metabolically, I'm a mess.

 

I'm taking it really slow, the cross to the new diazepam. Right now I am two weeks into taking 5mg of the new compound and 7.5mg of the old. I am about to bump it up to 7.5mg new/5mg old. I am having trouble sleeping, but that may not be from the valium change. I think it's going well. I am considering starting to taper down the klonopin once I've crossed over on to the new diazepam compound and settled in. I am concerned though b/c I don't have a good grip on adrenal function right now. I think it's possibly played a huge role in my endrocine problems and got way out of whack over the last few months. I'm probably hoping to start a taper in July-ish.

 

I have to agree that if you could get your body to absorb food and nutrients a lot of stuff would improve and heal. Unfortunately my magic wand is broken. (Okay, probably not the best analogy to have used, in light of your other complaints... ;-)

 

The best news is that you're young, and bodies can heal themselves in remarkable ways, especially when young. If you're making even incremental progress, there's a lot of hope. It's still going to be a long journey, but I still predict that five years from now you'll be amazed.

 

I want you to come to my house so I can make you pots and pots and pots of chicken soup. (It's a mom thing. Or a control freak thing--I always have to do something.)

 

Haha. Well, maybe your magic wand will repair itself if it just receives better nourishment. (we can both hope for this!)

 

I am trying, trying, trying. I do eat a lot of soup. But it's a wonderful thought to think of going to your house to try yours. You're such a sweethearted, kindhearted person. Have I ever told you that you're like my favorite person I've never met? Totally.

 

I swear, Lord willing, if I recover from this, I will do a lot of good with the remainder of my time here on the planet.

 

your friend,

Alex

[Barbarannamated]

Chicken soup party at Rhi's.

[alexjuice]

Yea, let's have a big party!

 

I'd take an act of magic to get us all together though. Barb, how's your wand working??

[Barbarannamated]

Magic wand in the shop for repairs but anticipating a full recovery.

[alexjuice]

Magic wand in the shop for repairs but anticipating a full recovery.

 

Ha! Mine too!

[Altostrata]

"Have you heard of the autonomic nervous system?"

I hoped you laughed long and hard when he said this. You've discussed withdrawal problems with him, right?

[alexjuice]

UPDATE:

 

My body is all screwed up and nobody can tell me exactly why. Of course, I know a bit reason for their confusion -- my hypersensitivity due to w/d.

 

I do know that I am undernourished, affected by restricted diet, poor digestion, eating junk on occasion and malnourishment (malnourishment causes appetite loss, I have learned). I am two weeks before my follow up with integrative/thyroid Doc when I will also get more test results.

 

I am resolved to:

 

1. Walk everyday in the sun -- 30 min min (minute, minimum)

2. Eat a lot of good food -- vegetables, dairy, seeds, animal products, salads, fish. I will not micro-manage;

3. Take fish oil, digestive stuff, 1 antioxidant/anticortisol cream & my multivitamin everyday... No more supps, no more diets, no more doctors, no more labs.

4. Digest food and get progress w/ reflux. It's time to go all out on this. My CNS is okay with the tools my enteric needs to do its job -- finally, I think I can eat again. And start healing my voice. And get this white **** off my tongue.

 

That's it. I intend to put on at least 6-8 lbs by May 22. Re-evaluate then.

 

Good luck,

Alex

[alexjuice]

"Have you heard of the autonomic nervous system?"

I hoped you laughed long and hard when he said this. You've discussed withdrawal problems with him, right?

 

Sure. It's just not on his radar.

 

We had a long talk recently wherein I explained how d/c of psych meds are still, I told him, affecting me; that they're the underlying reason he keeps seeing me. He's very compassionate and, unlike every other doc I've ever met, he didn't discount it. "Well, that's as good an explanation as any"... But he knows nothing at all of it so doesn't act in a way congruent with him actually believing it. Maybe his neurologist will be familiar with these issues.

 

I suppose I did laugh a little though. The mood wasn't entirely conducive to belly laughing, with my pants around my ankles and my body parts experiencing a signifcant aching.

 

Sucks having a condition that no physician in my city is apparently aware of. Honestly, I can't find anyone here.

[Nadia]

White stuff on the tongue...

 

I had tons of that until just recently. And also loose stools, which I thought were due to withdrawal and recovering from the anti-amoeba medicine I took last year, and possibly also taking magnesium. Then I started thinking maybe it was other parasites.

 

In any case... my boyfriend, who is celiac and maybe worse (once was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, but they basically can't figure out what his problem is... leaky gut, whatever), started thinking he may have a problem with candida overgrowth and bought something called Candida Clear, which is basically oregano, pau d'arcao, black walnut and caprylic acid. For some reason I decided to take it as well, since I get yeast infections a lot and thought it might help.

 

Now, a month and a half later, my stools have been completely normal for at least a couple of weeks, I haven't had a problem with yeast infections, and my tongue is pink!

 

Not sure if this could help you or if you want to risk the possible sensitivities, but I thought I'd mention it.

 

N.

[Shanti]

Hi Alex. I just joined Benzo Buddies and saw you there. We both joined about the same time. Good luck! I'm just starting to cut on the Xanax and hoping it'll go smoother than the Paxil.

[alexjuice]

How did your experiment with chicken livers go?

 

So, I attacked your liver pate recipe, minus the green beans which we didn't have.

 

After sauteing, it looked so good I just ate it, so the dish never reached the pate stage. Which was fine with me since it was delicious the way I had it.

 

It's going into meal rotation which is great since I've been looking for ways to incorporate nutritious organ meats. Thanks.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

UPDATE:

 

Since March, I've had numb areas in lower legs. These have gotten worse and are triggered by food. As an experiment, I tested my fasting gluscose (87), then bought/ate one blueberry muffin, waited an hour and tested again (172). 172 is the highest BG reading of my life.

 

Had an appt with urologist yesterday to discuss disturbing symptoms. Prostate is enlarged. Dried blood or other dark fluid mixing with seminal fluid. Ultrasound of testicles, awaiting results. Pain and shrinkage.

 

...

Not that confident right now.

 

good luck,

Alex

[Altostrata]

Alex, hang in there. We love you.

[alexjuice]

Alex, hang in there. We love you.

 

Thanks. I love you too. I appreciate you and everyone else more than you'll know.

 

This is what I have left.

[Rhiannon]

Hi Alex. I just joined Benzo Buddies and saw you there. We both joined about the same time. Good luck! I'm just starting to cut on the Xanax and hoping it'll go smoother than the Paxil.

 

Warning: Benzo buddies is full of nice people but the majority of them don't know much about benzo withdrawal. And benzo withdrawal makes people crazeeeeeee so there are all kinds of weird conversations and irrational things being tossed around. Plus that's a very crowded busy forum right now so the moderators are pedaling fast but they can't really read everything or stay on top of everything.

 

Shanti, I am VERY CONCERNED about what you're doing, which I consider alarming and very dangerous. I'll post on another thread, don't want to hijack Alex's.

 

Hi Alex...so sorry to hear you're doing crappy again. Please hang in there. It seems like you do have better days interspersed with the worse ones. Just take it slowly...three steps forward and two back, or four forward and three back, is still progress. HUGS to you. You're one of my most favoritest people I have never met too! I hope someday when you're totally recovered and making big bucks with your creativity and brilliance, you'll fly your private jet to wherever I am so we can meet.

[alexjuice]

Thanks Rhi. Means a lot.

 

...

Having more problems with digestion and insulin resistance. Tested high (146) two hrs after dinner (chili with brown rice). As soon as i eat anything, i have itching or sensations or lack thereof from various rotating spots from the knees down to the soles of my feet. I have no experience with glucose management. And even though I have had problems with sweets and cravings, I haven't indulged to any insane degree.

 

I don't seem to be producing any gastric acid. I eat over 20 HCl supplements a day. Dammit. Doc worried of this.

...

 

I didn't chose this and am so frustrated with everything, my whole damn life, these damn medications. But... So long as my heart, lungs and brain work, I will just not ever give up.

 

Alex

[Altostrata]

Doc worried of this.

 

"This" is autonomic dysfunction, not a new idea.

 

alex, you may have rejected this, but when I was looking at the description for B12 deficiency, your symptoms seemed to fit. Have you tried B12 injections? Maybe just a little bit at first?

[alexjuice]

B12 gave me so many problems for months. Recently, I've not been reacting to my sublingual b12 at all -- it used to cause terrible sensory unpleasantness.

 

So yea I could try b12 in a shot.

 

Things really changed for me about 6 weeks ago. Just troubling for a batch like this to occur... Especially the not sweating, crazy glucose readings, sex stuff...

 

I was suboptimal in serum b12 about a month ago (374). Doctors target was over 550.

[alexjuice]

Tonight I browsed some very depressing documents from my medical records. Dr. Caring asked to see a psych eval which got me to the digging.

 

Should anyone be interested, here are some choice quotes from a formal report by Dr "Antoinette" on Alex at age 25 [2004], a few weeks into a stay at a dual diagnosis rehab facility. This was my first inpatient visit, triggered by excessive alcohol consumption following my cold-turkey d/c of lexapro and abilify as well as my failed taper from 6mg klonopin which stalled at 2mg klonopin 4 weeks in (DR. FG scheduled a 6 week taper from 6mg klonopin). So I drank a lot. And didn't know what the hell was happening. And ended up in a rehab...

 

During his freshman year in college [1997], he became increasingly depressed and isolative upon moving into the dormitory at the University. At that point, he voluntarily sought help with Mr. Therapist. Around 1998, Mr. Therapist recommended a psychiatric evaluation and Alex began seeing Dr. FG for medication management. Alex was initially tried on antidepressants, but he felt that he got worse over time and a variety of medications were tried... The referral for residential treatment came after a brief period of alcohol sobriety and an attempt to discontinue some of his psychiatric medications, which lead to psychiattric decompensation [comment:w/d] -- depression and thought disturbance -- and a return to heavy alcohol consumption [comment: w/d relief attempt]

 

Alex began drinking alcohol in high school but did not like it and actually vomited regularly after three beers. He indicated that he "hated" drinking but did it due to peer pressure and a strong desire to fit in [comment: Alex didn't yet like booze, wasn't yet on Drugs]... He reported that, at the age of 21, he was bored (at that point had started isolating himself and was living alone [comment: 1999 was apex of Dr. FG's drug abuse, Alex was on **** loads of Drugs.]... He drank alone. He was not going to bars or parties at that point. In fact, he indicated that he had done nothing social (no movies, no dinners, no outings) for two years. [comment: life sucked]

 

In 2001, he was frequently consuming a 6-pack of beers two to three times per week. In 2003, he was drinking more beer and more frequently. He had a short period of sobriety beginning in 1/04, but a subsequent attempt to discontinue some of his psychiatric medication led to a decline in functioning and return to alcohol use in mid-2004. [comment: Gawd, this is in here twice. Also, Alex attempted to d/c all of his psych meds, let the record show.]

 

The lack of relationships and social isolation have caused Alex a great deal of turmoil and resulted in alcohol dependence and sexual impulsivity. He has at times become paranoid and he has guilt-associated... Multiple medication regimens have been tried on an outpatient basis and have resulted in some assistance in relieving his emotional pain, but he continues to have episodes of decompensation, break-through symptoms, and substance abuse relapse. [comment: in retrospect, none of medications helped though getting off of them alleviated "break-through symptoms". Substance abuse resolved. Sexual impulsivity -- that's embarassing -- is a part of being a Drugged drunk. It has resolved, though my loss of sexual function continues.]

 

Upon discharge... long term psychotherapy and medication management is likely to be necessary for continued psychiatric stabilization. Thank you for referring this interesting individual. Signed Antoinette.

 

Antoinette was nice enough. 2004 was a fulcrum moment in my life. If I had known to taper methodically, I believe my life's course would have run markedly different. But instead at rehab I came to believe I was a mentally ill, alcoholic person.

 

Also, I will mention that of the 3 formal evaluations I endured, Antoinette's is the only one largely free of major factual errors and confused conclusions based on my interviews. One report is really bad. I don't think that a particular Dr, one no longer employed by a particular psych clinic, ever expected me to recall the records because they are, for her, embarrassingly sloppy.

 

Alex

[Altostrata]

Rule of thumb: Do not take seriously any psychiatric report about yourself.

 

It takes a strong stomach to read those reports.

 

fyi, alex -- antidepressants and alcohol.

[Barbarannamated]

Rule of thumb: Do not take seriously any psychiatric report about yourself.

 

It takes a strong stomach to read those reports.

 

I was thinking the same thing. That would put me over the edge right now. Or farther over it.

[alexjuice]

Yes. They can be really tough to read. The rule is a good one, and necessary. The memories of those times are the worst. It is sad for me, of course.

 

Most of my life is those reports. From 18 to 30, I was a permanent patient, disabled by my cures. I'd sometimes want to cry about it, but I instead choose not to, to save the trace elements. I'm very undernourished. :-)

[alexjuice]

The brief case history of Alexejice (now that the thread is many pages)

 

Alexej Ice (Alex) is my alias.

 

I moved across the country at age 10 for my dad's job. Soon after, my dad left my mom and mom got depressed. I had no engaged parents from 13 onwards.

 

I went off to college and struggled with serious anxiety. I called a therapist who eventually persuaded me to take an antidpressant. In 1997, I started Prozac, prescribed by Dr. FG. FG is a drug addict and impaired during my early years. I didn't respond to Prozac (got worse) but I trusted Dr FG and the therapist.

 

By 2000, FG had diagnosed me with a psychotic disorder and I was taking over $1,000 a month in medication including Remeron, Zyprexa, Depakote, Klonopin, Buspar, Celexa, Zoloft, and others. I deteriorated and assumed I must need the drugs, never that the drugs were inducing the dysfunction.

 

I started to drink problematically. I struggled with side effects, particularly sleep, anxiety, sexual problems. In 2004 I tried to discontinue the meds, because I had a moment of semi-clarity.

 

I didn't know of withdrawal risks and I followed my doctor's rapid detox plan. The withdrawal was unbearable and I increased my drinking to cope. In response, Dr. FG strongly recommended addiction rehab.

 

Feeling hopeless and confused, I checked into inpatient substance abuse rehab center. Left on multiple medications, intent of beating my 'addiction'.

 

For 18 months I struggled with the side effects of all the meds and craved alcohol. I returned to drinking and, eventually, doing street drugs. I lost all of my money, material possessions and dignity quite rapidly.

 

I was totally broke, too sick to work, treated like an embarrassment and failure by my family. I decided to commit suicide.

 

I survived a suicide attempt in 2008. At the hospital all of my meds were d/c'd and replaced with new ones.

 

After a bad year without a permanent residence, I abandoned hope and decided to discontinue my meds. I expected to fail but I was at rock bottom.

 

I got sick with withdrawal syndrome. I injured myself trying to weight lift (I am not experienced with lifting) early in w/d. My injury, IMO, was a withdrawal effect so it confounded doctors. I did 90 days worth of high dose antibiotics. After this, due to ongoing insomnia, sexual dysfunction, pain, anxiety ... I restarted on benzos.

 

Things went well for a period, though well didn't last. I accompanied my father in January of 2011 to get a surgery performed, unnecessarily, at an expensive clinic in another state. I became ill with the a virus. I got home angry with my dad. I reduced my benzos and got ill after eating pizza.

 

I developed digestive problems and lost 30 pounds rapidly and developed food sensitivies and immune imbalances.

 

Since 2011, my overall health and digestive health has been poor. I discovered massive amounts of mold in my bathroom in 2012 and later found mold toxins present in my body. I am fighting to keep my endocrine and immune systems functioning properly. My gut carries infections, possibly fungal, viral and bacterial.

 

It is hard to know which of my symptoms were psychiatric withdrawal symptoms. In another sense, every single one of them is directly attributable to the massive Drugging started in my teen years.

 

I spend all my time and energy trying to recover my health, which I lost when I was 18 years old. I am 33 at the time of this writing.

 

I resolved my drinking problem. I have not taken an illegal drug since the summer of 2009. I harbor zero cravings for alcohol or drug abuse.

 

I still take benzodiazepines and am working to taper down my dose.

 

...

 

This abbreviated history omits almost the entirety of my personal suffering. Believe me, this has been a Kafka-esque nightmare. My world has become small. Most health professionals do not understand my case and misinterpret my condition because of my medication history.

 

Luckily, I have learned to state my truth and hold to it. I have found some helpful professionals here and there but most of the help originates online from non-professionals.

 

I try to maintain a positive attitude and hope to get back to my levels of cognitive, autonomic, and interpersonal functioning of my teen years. These Drugs have ruled my entire adulthood. I have lost a lot of time and lot of everything one can lose.

 

I try not to have anxiety or fear. I believe I will recover. After that, and achieving self-sufficiency, I want to prevent other individuals from falling into the trap I have.

 

Okay. That wasn't so short. But it's quicker than reading the entire thread.

 

Best wishes,

Alex

[compsports]

 

Rule of thumb: Do not take seriously any psychiatric report about yourself.

 

It takes a strong stomach to read those reports.

 

I was thinking the same thing. That would put me over the edge right now. Or farther over it.

 

That would cure my problem in staying awake after dinner.

 

CS

[compsports]

Tonight I browsed some very depressing documents from my medical records. Dr. Caring asked to see a psych eval which got me to the digging.

 

Should anyone be interested, here are some choice quotes from a formal report by Dr "Antoinette" on Alex at age 25 [2004], a few weeks into a stay at a dual diagnosis rehab facility. This was my first inpatient visit, triggered by excessive alcohol consumption following my cold-turkey d/c of lexapro and abilify as well as my failed taper from 6mg klonopin which stalled at 2mg klonopin 4 weeks in (DR. FG scheduled a 6 week taper from 6mg klonopin). So I drank a lot. And didn't know what the hell was happening. And ended up in a rehab...

 

 

During his freshman year in college [1997], he became increasingly depressed and isolative upon moving into the dormitory at the University. At that point, he voluntarily sought help with Mr. Therapist. Around 1998, Mr. Therapist recommended a psychiatric evaluation and Alex began seeing Dr. FG for medication management. Alex was initially tried on antidepressants, but he felt that he got worse over time and a variety of medications were tried... The referral for residential treatment came after a brief period of alcohol sobriety and an attempt to discontinue some of his psychiatric medications, which lead to psychiattric decompensation [comment:w/d] -- depression and thought disturbance -- and a return to heavy alcohol consumption [comment: w/d relief attempt]

 

Alex began drinking alcohol in high school but did not like it and actually vomited regularly after three beers. He indicated that he "hated" drinking but did it due to peer pressure and a strong desire to fit in [comment: Alex didn't yet like booze, wasn't yet on Drugs]... He reported that, at the age of 21, he was bored (at that point had started isolating himself and was living alone [comment: 1999 was apex of Dr. FG's drug abuse, Alex was on **** loads of Drugs.]... He drank alone. He was not going to bars or parties at that point. In fact, he indicated that he had done nothing social (no movies, no dinners, no outings) for two years. [comment: life sucked]

 

In 2001, he was frequently consuming a 6-pack of beers two to three times per week. In 2003, he was drinking more beer and more frequently. He had a short period of sobriety beginning in 1/04, but a subsequent attempt to discontinue some of his psychiatric medication led to a decline in functioning and return to alcohol use in mid-2004. [comment: Gawd, this is in here twice. Also, Alex attempted to d/c all of his psych meds, let the record show.]

 

The lack of relationships and social isolation have caused Alex a great deal of turmoil and resulted in alcohol dependence and sexual impulsivity. He has at times become paranoid and he has guilt-associated... Multiple medication regimens have been tried on an outpatient basis and have resulted in some assistance in relieving his emotional pain, but he continues to have episodes of decompensation, break-through symptoms, and substance abuse relapse. [comment: in retrospect, none of medications helped though getting off of them alleviated "break-through symptoms". Substance abuse resolved. Sexual impulsivity -- that's embarassing -- is a part of being a Drugged drunk. It has resolved, though my loss of sexual function continues.]

 

Upon discharge... long term psychotherapy and medication management is likely to be necessary for continued psychiatric stabilization. Thank you for referring this interesting individual. Signed Antoinette.

 

Antoinette was nice enough. 2004 was a fulcrum moment in my life. If I had known to taper methodically, I believe my life's course would have run markedly different. But instead at rehab I came to believe I was a mentally ill, alcoholic person.

 

Also, I will mention that of the 3 formal evaluations I endured, Antoinette's is the only one largely free of major factual errors and confused conclusions based on my interviews. One report is really bad. I don't think that a particular Dr, one no longer employed by a particular psych clinic, ever expected me to recall the records because they are, for her, embarrassingly sloppy.

 

Alex

 

Alex,

 

That was very courageous to look at your reports. There is no way I would do it even though I am sure it is full of errors.

 

CS

[Karma]

Hey Alex

 

You might look into the B12 injections - FYI my B12 runs around 1200 something which is over the top of the range. Adrenals love B vitamins.

 

I am thinking about ordering my entire medical records from my integrated doctor ... I plan to eventually start a blog and in the beginning of my treatment I didn't get my labs or write in my journal - I think some of the most helpful information will be from the beginning of the dx and treatment of yeast overgrowth syndrome and celiac disease.

 

I don't think I could stand my psych medical records.

 

Love ya, Alex

 

Karma

[alexjuice]

Thanks, CS. The med records are not much fun.

 

Yea, Karma, that's probably a good idea. Alto recommended the same. I got one shot of b12 last week and tolerated it fine.

 

UPDATE:

Dealing with same stuff as last few posts. Sleep been an issue lately. 5-6 hrs is the best I do. More often 2-4. I think a likely candidate is my crossover to a compounded form of generic diazepam. I typically spend from midnight to 4am in bed waiting for sleep to come. I am taking 7.5mg of he new and still 5mg of the old. I want to hold a bit until I get a good nights rest.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

Doctor yesterday. Parasitic infection, unknown parasite (the test screens for only 20 specific ones). Fungal overgrowth of GI tract (3+ on the 1-4 scale). Magnesium and potassium intercellular deficiency. Strong anti-gliadin AB response.

 

DHT under "lab normal" range. Free T at bottom of "lab normal" range. Vitamin D suboptimal still; hey's sunny though.

 

She prescribed an anti-parasitic remedy, which is herbal, followed by an antifungal Rx (she is an md). Avoid gluten entirely. Also prescribed norepinephrine/dopamine precursors, tyrosine and dl phenylalnine.

 

Thyroid stuff. TSH up but still unremarkable (3.2), rT3 up but down a bit from before (372). DHEA,s at the top of "lab normal". She seemed to think this was a good thing. She hopes rT3 comes down with treatment of intestinal disturbances. Otherwise she will recommend a T3 Rx. She also hopes that the hormonal disturbances will improve if gut function improved. I wish she expressed less equivocation on this point. They're not her gonads. "Hopefully, things will have improved when I see you again in 8 weeks."- This didn't fill me with confidence. And, of course, I have to arbitrate my level of commitment to her prescriptions vis-a-vis my sensitivity risks.

 

Weight is 155. Body fat 14%. It's hard to say if things are getting worse, hormonally. It's been almost 8 weeks. At first I noticed testicular changes. Then loss of libido and function. Then I realized facial hair not growing as accustommed. Last couple weeks, I am not certain whether things have flatlined or are still getting worse. I wish I had a wife to give me some day-2-day feedback. Being all in my head doesn't help.

 

Keeping stress down is really important. I need a good night's sleep. Last night up til 6am.

 

Stay off drugs kids.

 

Alex

 

PS - On the plus side, my brain is working pretty well. This is good since I signed for classes again at community school. They start Tuesday.

[Barbarannamated]

Alex,

How are you doing? Lots of changes...

Will be interested to hear how you respond to tyrosine and phenylalamine. I've tried both and they are activating.

I'm curious about the antiparasitic herb vs. antifungal and how she decided on those. I was told by a Naturopath that I have systemic candidiasis but there is no definitive test for it (but he has 'Program for $1500'). I also wonder why antifungals can't treat that, not that I really want to take antifungals. The more I learn, the more confused I get! I admire your fortitude, Alex. You are far stronger than I think you give yourself credit for.

What classes are you taking?

 

Love you!

B

[Nikki]

Alex a parasite is so rough on the intestines and you have been having stomach problems. What about Flagyl or something just as strong to get rid of it. Maybe this is the root of you feeling the way you do. You are carrying a parasite.

 

For Candida there is Diflucan tablets. They work very well. Can you tolerat pro-biotics?

 

Alex I can't stand antiobiotics, but you really need to consider a med to rid yourself of the parasite....what is the name of it?

 

I am so sorry you are going thru all of this....

 

Hugs

[Barbarannamated]

For Candida there is Diflucan tablets. They work very well. Can you tolerat pro-biotics?

Alex I can't stand antiobiotics, but you really need to consider a med to rid yourself of the parasite....what is the name of it?

 

I wondered same. I suspect there may be some cases that the fungal load with candidiasis is too heavy or resistant to use Diflucan and the gluten free diet is used. Quite a contrast to 'women's matters' that are handled with one dose...

 

Do you think Alex's ears are itching or ringing?!

[tezza]

Hi Alex, I hope you get some relief soon. You've been through ENOUGH! {{{HUGS}}}

 

LOVE YOU,

Tezza

[alexjuice]

Thanks for replies and love. Appreciate so much. I will respond later but just have a second but wanted to say something about my case.

 

In February when this setbacks started, doctor thought a viral infection or leukemia were likely explanations for my symptoms. Leukemia was quickly ruled out. Testing for viruses took a while longer and many recent infections would take time before they become detectable by antibody. This really scared me, the type of viruses I had in mind that they had in mind.

 

I've been tested for most of the likely culprits and I am negative so far. I probably do not have a viral infection based on other bloodwork. But now... I dont know. I was so terrified to have viral hepatitis, this really caused me anxiety, made things worse. Honestly, though at present, I'd rather have hep C, which at least doctors know how to treat, than a totally inexplicable condition that just keeps getting worse.

 

There. I'm a benzo riddled hypochondriac at the moment and my confession is I am hoping for a chronic, incurable, frequently deadly disease as opposed to "???"