☼ alexjuice: About

[Barbarannamated]

Alex,

So sorry you're having such a bad time. You are definitely missed, too!

Barb

[Rhiannon]

love you Alex

 

Also, as far as shame about health preoccupations and obsessive fears, related to benzos, that's one of the top ten symptoms of benzo withdrawal, so you're not alone.

 

hang in there and keep coming back. You will get through this.

[tezza]

So sorry you're feeling so bad...you can definitely see that we all love you. {{{Hugs}}}

[Karma]

Hey Alex,

 

I'm sorry your feeling so bad. I'm really surprised that magnesium could cause such problems, but since I've found this site I've learned a lot about hypersensitivity.

 

I'm actually testing red blood cell magnesium levels tomorrow to see if perhaps my magnesium is low enough to result in a calcium/magnesium imbalance that would cause me to lose bone more rapidly than normal. In the event that my RBC magnesium is low I'm looking at trying this product http://www.ancient-minerals.com/products/magnesium-application-use/ topically. I don't know if that might work better for you if the oral magnesium is causing problems.

 

Actually, I haven't been feeling great either. Maybe it is the sun storm. Hoping we both get to feeling better very soon .

 

{{{HUGS}}}

 

Karma

[Barbarannamated]

Good point about the sun storm Karma ~ I'm really out of sorts and I am very sensitive to atmospheric stuff -

Miss you Alex ~

[Nadia]

Hope you feel better soon, Alex. I know what you mean about worrying about health stuff. I obsess about that as well. Sometimes I start getting really paranoid about the most random things, worrying there is something I should be DOING about it (lately anything from menopause to metal poisoning from tooth fillings to rheumatoid arthritis). Other times I think I have to trust my own body's ability to heal itself and just concentrate on exercising and eating well and staying active. I try to imagine waves of healing energy setting everything back into balance in my body.

 

Apparently there is some medical journal article with the title "If You Have to Prove You Are Ill, You Can’t Get Better." I have no idea what the content is, but lately I've been thinking a lot about what the title suggests. I think it's like when you have an argument with someone, and in order to prove your point you become more and more entrenched in it. This is quite a Catch 22, as we really want to make sure we are not overlooking some important illness or nutritional deficiency or what have you, but at the same time, our health would benefit from being able to let go of the preoccupation with our health!

[alexjuice]

Alex,

So sorry you're having such a bad time. You are definitely missed, too!

Barb

 

Thanks Barb. I've felt very alone for the last while. I feel a bit better today. Maybe the tide's turned.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

love you Alex

 

Also, as far as shame about health preoccupations and obsessive fears, related to benzos, that's one of the top ten symptoms of benzo withdrawal, so you're not alone.

 

hang in there and keep coming back. You will get through this.

 

Rhi, I love you back. Thanks soo much for the kindness.

 

I know hypochondriasis so well, it featured in my suicide attempt following my discontinuation of klonopin in rehab.

 

My greatest fears are health fears, certain health fears. It's amazing the way my mind contorts the odds to make my sickness feel so very likely, certain even. Simultaneously, I know my risk-assessment is impaired, that my particular health fear is less likely than a lightening strike and not worth the worry.

 

The remarkable thing is that in both cases I go mad with anxiety. Either I believe it's highly likely I'm sick or I believe that it's statistically unlikely I am sick, but that nevertheless I am still sick making it a greater tragedy since I'm a one-in-a-million case.

 

I do also have moments where I think I'm just being a hypochondriac.

 

There's something ritualistic about it. Back in my Drugged days I ordered labs frequently. Like an alcoholic rotating liquor stores, I'd be crafty with providers to avoid a consolidated record of all tests performed. Good results brought amazing relief. Often I my fears were around impulsive behaviors with other drug addicts and diseases I'd contracted or bodily damage I'd caused myself.

 

My health-panic tendancies remit for long periods usually coming out around med changes. I don't know what's going on right now. Some have suggested tolerance withdrawal. Gut dysfunction or adverse supplement reactions are other explanations.

 

I need some peace and harmony for a bit though. I've been insane and that's no good.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

So sorry you're feeling so bad...you can definitely see that we all love you. {{{Hugs}}}

 

Thanks tezza. I really appreciate your words. I hope you are doing well. I need to catchup on how everyone is hanging in. Thanks again. HUGS back to you!

[alexjuice]

Hey Alex,

 

I'm sorry your feeling so bad. I'm really surprised that magnesium could cause such problems, but since I've found this site I've learned a lot about hypersensitivity.

 

I'm actually testing red blood cell magnesium levels tomorrow to see if perhaps my magnesium is low enough to result in a calcium/magnesium imbalance that would cause me to lose bone more rapidly than normal. In the event that my RBC magnesium is low I'm looking at trying this product http://www.ancient-minerals.com/products/magnesium-application-use/ topically. I don't know if that might work better for you if the oral magnesium is causing problems.

 

Actually, I haven't been feeling great either. Maybe it is the sun storm. Hoping we both get to feeling better very soon .

 

{{{HUGS}}}

 

Karma

 

HUGS back. Big hugs!!!

 

I don't know if it was magnesium. ? The problems started around that time but I was also changing my diet. Also a couple issues quickly worsened but they'd been problems for months, like abdominal pain (which persists). Basically, the exact causes of symptom flares mostly escape my firm definition.

 

Also, particular stuffinlife triggers my worst fears and there was a recent event that I'd put in this stuffinlife box. That played a part, I know.

 

Of course, my fears come from somewhere besides my ruminations. Usually diagnostic results suggesting unpalatable medical explanations for symptoms. I've had four positive ANA results in the last nine months, one neg. Had out of range REVERSE t3, bilirubin, glucose (hi & lo), platelet volume, Alb:Glob, Odd bp, etc. Consistent body temp 95-97.5 F. This crap is kindling for the kindling that feeds my anxiety. And the extra stress worsens things. And confuses them. Is the insomnia, lethargy, appeitie loss... are these stress symtpoms? W/d symptoms? New symptoms of a feared disease or condition?

 

Arrfgggghhh

 

I am curious about the testing you talked about. Is that the EXAtest? Have you had it?

 

I'm also sorry to hear things have been notsosunny for you. I hope you are doing better. Thanks for being there for me. HUGS again.

 

Wish you the best,

Alex

[alexjuice]

Hope you feel better soon, Alex. I know what you mean about worrying about health stuff. I obsess about that as well. Sometimes I start getting really paranoid about the most random things, worrying there is something I should be DOING about it (lately anything from menopause to metal poisoning from tooth fillings to rheumatoid arthritis). Other times I think I have to trust my own body's ability to heal itself and just concentrate on exercising and eating well and staying active. I try to imagine waves of healing energy setting everything back into balance in my body.

 

Apparently there is some medical journal article with the title "If You Have to Prove You Are Ill, You Can’t Get Better." I have no idea what the content is, but lately I've been thinking a lot about what the title suggests. I think it's like when you have an argument with someone, and in order to prove your point you become more and more entrenched in it. This is quite a Catch 22, as we really want to make sure we are not overlooking some important illness or nutritional deficiency or what have you, but at the same time, our health would benefit from being able to let go of the preoccupation with our health!

 

Hey Nadia. I've really missed you and hope you are doing okay.

 

I've had a hard time with just that you describe. I suffer from w/d symptoms that professionals arent able to accept or help me with, by and large. I've been worked badly by doctors in the past. And I've had a lot of time stolen from me.

 

I feel vulnerable to sickness. I simply can't get ill right now. I realize nobody ever wants to get seriously ill, but I am preoccupied with recovering sufficiently from my w/d ordeal to live life. I've never had this chance due to the effects of my Drugging. I worry that if I get really sick, that it;s curtains. I'll never have a chance to recover, to have a life away from my life as a dependent patient. Like if I contracted an acute viral hepatitis infection... well I think of the implications of therapies to clear the infection to prevent chronic infection, of d/c of badforliver drugs like benzos, of healing damage to my gastro-sys while confined to a liver-friendly diet. And I panic b/c I fear that my only goal, getting better from misdiagnosis, becomes impossible. And that everyone who ever knew me, will simply know me as that drug addict who disappeared after college... That's the gist.

 

Sometimes I get caught up in spinning my wheels trying to get others to take my health seriously. They don't and I end up spending all my time spinning my wheels trying to think up ways to save myself. Only thinking isnt living. It's just me alone in silence with a wifi hookup to provide fuel for the hamster wheel.

 

Also, I've got a lot of leftovers from Drugs and sometimes they come back, now and then.

 

I think your point is strong. It's healthier to have healthy habits and self-care but otherwise let it alone. Sometimes I feel like a codepedent spouse to my health. If I just watch it all the time, it can't run off and get drunk. Not a good place to be, but I've been in a badlands lately.

 

I hope you are doing okay. I appreciate so much your support, so ya know.

 

Alex

[Karma]

HUGS back. Big hugs!!!

 

I don't know if it was magnesium. ? The problems started around that time but I was also changing my diet. Also a couple issues quickly worsened but they'd been problems for months, like abdominal pain (which persists). Basically, the exact causes of symptom flares mostly escape my firm definition.

 

Also, particular stuffinlife triggers my worst fears and there was a recent event that I'd put in this stuffinlife box. That played a part, I know.

 

Of course, my fears come from somewhere besides my ruminations. Usually diagnostic results suggesting unpalatable medical explanations for symptoms. I've had four positive ANA results in the last nine months, one neg. Had out of range REVERSE t3, bilirubin, glucose (hi & lo), platelet volume, Alb:Glob, Odd bp, etc. Consistent body temp 95-97.5 F. This crap is kindling for the kindling that feeds my anxiety. And the extra stress worsens things. And confuses them. Is the insomnia, lethargy, appeitie loss... are these stress symtpoms? W/d symptoms? New symptoms of a feared disease or condition?

 

Arrfgggghhh

 

I am curious about the testing you talked about. Is that the EXAtest? Have you had it?

 

I'm also sorry to hear things have been notsosunny for you. I hope you are doing better. Thanks for being there for me. HUGS again.

 

Wish you the best,

Alex

 

Hi Alex,

 

Based on what I've seen, I think that a high reverse T3 indicates that you are hypothyroid and that can result in a lot of symptoms ... you might pop over to this Yahoo group and share your recent labs and symptoms to get some feedback: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/RT3_T3/. Having had a reverse T3 problem I can tell you that I felt like living crap until I resolved my RT3 issue. Note that I was tapering Effexor at this time, but I wasn't experiencing any withdrawal symptoms.

 

Consistently low body temperatures indicate a thyroid problem - variable average daily temperatures indicate an adrenal problem ... http://www.drrind.com/therapies/metabolic-temperature-graph#intro. Note that I don't agree with Dr. Rind's treatments, just how to monitor temps and interpret them for thyroid and adrenal issues.

 

I've not had the EXAtest ... I had a regular RBC Magnesium test and it came back just fine. Which is kind of a bummer because I'm looking for a cause ... I know you can relate

 

I actually think it is normal to be somewhat obsessed when you have lab values and symptoms that point to a problem, but no doctor can tell you what the problem is. That's what I've been through over the last two years ... mostly consistent high serum calcium ... we run more tests that point toward high serum calcium, but no one knows why or the diagnosis they have doesn't fit because I have no other symptoms. Now I have the diagnosis of osteoporosis, but what will the docs have to offer as a solution to that? Yeah, so I'm working on that myself and we'll see what the doc has to say, but if he is pushing osteoporosis drugs the answer is NO.

 

In the last week I've been feeling better I started a very slow Xanax taper a week ago and for me it appears to have been the right thing to do. The irrational fears have all but completely lifted, sleep is good and I'm feeling generally happier. So here is hoping that things start to get better for you, too.

 

Love and light

Karma

[alexjuice]

Hey Karma,

Thanks for the link. I looked at it and it's informative and frustrating at the same time. I don't want want any more health problems -- isn't that something not needing saying.

 

The doctor I went to see who tested the thyroid stuff, seems to be knowledgable in that area and I have a followup scheduled. She is a functional MD, so quite unconventional for an MD, using natural/nutritional/lifestyle remedies and hesitant to write. I have hope. So we shall see.

 

My gut troubles me though. Especially if it's the root cause of this stuff, cause I'm... baffled at how to best proceed.

[alexjuice]

UPDATE:

 

Lethargy, lack of appetite, pain all over and lack of energy have been big problems for the past couple weeks. Some days I ate very very little. Also anxiety tore me up since last update.

 

My big goal is to bridge myself back to something like the pre-med me, ideally with cognitive, sexual and stress-stamina systems all within range. But setbacks keep coming. I got anxious about my health when I started having pain and other symptoms. After a lot of tests, there are no definitive answers.

 

My doctor suspects fibromyalgia (which is everything + anxiety) or organ dysfunction (gallbladder, pancreas, liver, kidney in that order) or viral infection. Or the fibro caused by (so in addition to) either of the second two. I'm holding Rx for lortab which I'm not filling. Lyrica is also mine if I want it. Pass.

 

I fear it's leakygut causing the stuff. The gut stuff... I dunno. I've tried the diets and detoxes. I haven't done them to perfection but I haven't had ideal results. My w/d circumstances make them more challenging I think.

 

In talking with some GAPS board people, they suggest adding foods very slowly, specifically fats. This requires, for me, a stretch of malnourishment. Because I can't handle 12 cups of cauliflower, broccoli and squash a day nor the fats, I will just lose more weight. Perhaps though some healing will occur, but I feel really frustrated. I seen six doctors this year and they're like, "huh, you're a mystery." Or I've got a something like pancreatitis, hepatitis, gallbladder disease. ?

 

Right now I am at my lowest weight as an adult, period. Worse than the last summer when my GI just quit. I'm in more pain. Back, right side, left, upper, lower.

 

So I see a Gastro on tuesday and he will look at my gallbladder and the rest. I just need a map cause I am not a doctor!

 

I am also disturbed by how sick I've been. I more or less didn't eat a couple days last week, a few cups of broth. Arrrggghhh.

 

Funny thing, I still think I'll be fine. But I need to start getting more serious about some self-care. For instance, days I dedicate 40+ minutes to CBT are the best days yet I don't do it everyday. I need to start doing what I need to do.

 

Stay of drugs kids,

Alex

[Barbarannamated]

Alex ~

YES you are going to be better than ok - I hope you can feel the love from all of us -

[alexjuice]

Thanks, Barb.

 

I am in pain lately. I fell apart over the last 6-8 weeks and it's not the kind of fallapart that lends to rapid recovery.

 

I've received irregular lab results and that's still being worked out.

 

But mainly, I am so exhausted and pained.

 

One doctor said I could diagnose myself with Fibro at my discretion. The thyroid stuff ties in. I have a theory, actually, about my current symptom flare but I want to think about it a bit more.

 

I am just coming to grips with this setback. I'm someone in the process. Three months ago, I was close to being "all better with just crutches" and now I feel like I'm another year or more in a full body cast.

 

I am so angry. None of this needed to happen. (I watch life go by, never living only watching the others.)

 

Hope you guys are doing okay.

 

love,

Alex

[Karma]

Alex,

 

I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough patch and for so long.

 

I know how you feel. I've been ill, thought I had resolved all the health issues and then been told that I'm really not well and I have something else I have to heal from. It is really wearing. I hope that your doctors can provide some answers for you and provide you with a healing path.

 

Sending you love and light,

 

Karma

[Barbarannamated]

Hey Alex ~

There's a holistic addictionologist blogger on Mad In America that needs some Alex-style input

[alexjuice]

I rarely use facebook, but I checked in tonight. I keep a couple dozen friends, mostly old college friends from a brief period when I particpated in a study abroad which was the only period in which I made friends in school. Since I don't log on often, I'm not uptodate with their lives.

 

Today I logged in and saw that one of my friends from the "friend period" moved back to town after spending 8+ yrs in California. He, with his wife, bought a big new house for themselves and their child. Of course lots of pictures and they look so happy and healthy.

 

I live out in the burbs and they bought a house in the next burb over.

 

Were I ever to run into him, I'd assume he'd attribute my lousy, thin, bloodshot appearance to my progressive addiction, which would be a logical assumption I guess.

 

...

 

A thing is still true even if nobody knows it.

[alexjuice]

Hey Alex ~

There's a holistic addictionologist blogger on Mad In America that needs some Alex-style input

 

Really? I might go into the field of drug counseling, someday.

[Barbarannamated]

Alex ~

I believe your career in counseling is well underway with everyone you've already helped in this group - any schooling or degree is just a formality :-)

 

Ive had to steer clear of Fakebook in the last year - it was triggering an ugly jealousy that I'd never experienced before - psychologists call it Facebook Jealousy related to Social Comparison Theory -

 

FWIW - I was sitting pretty when I was in my early 30s - things change in both directions -

 

{{{HUGS}}}

[alexjuice]

Thanks Barb and Karma for your thoughts. Means much.

 

UPDATE:

Something is wrong with my liver, I think. I have pain when I eat in my right abdomen and back. I've had some new abnormal bloodwork (bilirubin and serum iron) on top of previous out of range stuff. I have dry itchy skin (especially feet/hands sometimes with pain) and I have "dead spots" on my calves/shins where I lack feeling. I've been trying the GAPS diet again, with reservations and modifications. But I don't really know how to eat. My sensitivities make everything more confusing. A bunch of other symptoms that oculd be anything and don't make me think liver. My kidneys are ok, it seems.

 

The scariest issue is that it takes my benzos a long time to kick in. Usually I can get full relief from w/d in 20 min, but now it's an hour, 2 hrs, and I'm still waiting for the drugs to "kick in". This seems bad. Plus I really shouldn't be taking diazepam (or klonopin frankly) at all if I have liver problems.

 

Dunno. Thyroid maybe to blame. Or possible traumatic adverse reaction due to hypersensitivity. Viral infection possible but not likely. Also possible that nothing is wrong, or nothing seriously so.

 

Dammit.

[Karma]

Hey Alex,

 

Did they test liver enzymes? They would be AST (SGOT) and ALT (SGPT) on lab results - if your liver enzymes are elevated it could mean that there is a challenge with the liver. When my liver enzymes get elevated I usually try something to help detox the liver - silymarin works for me, some people can use milkthistle, but I'm allergic to ragweed so have to use silymarin. I realize there is a concern due to hypersensitivity with those of us who have had withdrawal symptoms so this may not be helpful. Last time I used silymarin I started to get chapped lips which is a sign that I was taking too much silymarin, so I stopped taking it - I have a friend who can only take silymarin once a week and it helps detox her liver.

 

It does sound to me like thyroid ... that is my humble opinion and that and five bucks will buy you a latte .

 

If your serum iron is low then even if your body is producing enough thyroid hormone your cells won't be able to utilize it. This is an area that many doctors make an error in ... your serum iron needs to be about the middle in-range before you begin thyroid treatment otherwise you will have heart palpitations, anxiety, or other uncomfortable symptoms that doctors often attribute to the thyroid treatment not working.

 

Now, if your iron is over range, it can result in the same symptoms ... that happened to me. I felt very hypothyroid and when we checked my serum iron it was at the top of the range. I gave blood (which can lower your serum iron) and after a period of recovery I felt much better.

 

Where is your doctor in all of this?

 

Love and light

Karma

[alexjuice]

Hey Alex,

 

Did they test liver enzymes? They would be AST (SGOT) and ALT (SGPT) on lab results - if your liver enzymes are elevated it could mean that there is a challenge with the liver. When my liver enzymes get elevated I usually try something to help detox the liver - silymarin works for me, some people can use milkthistle, but I'm allergic to ragweed so have to use silymarin. I realize there is a concern due to hypersensitivity with those of us who have had withdrawal symptoms so this may not be helpful. Last time I used silymarin I started to get chapped lips which is a sign that I was taking too much silymarin, so I stopped taking it - I have a friend who can only take silymarin once a week and it helps detox her liver.

 

It does sound to me like thyroid ... that is my humble opinion and that and five bucks will buy you a latte .

 

If your serum iron is low then even if your body is producing enough thyroid hormone your cells won't be able to utilize it. This is an area that many doctors make an error in ... your serum iron needs to be about the middle in-range before you begin thyroid treatment otherwise you will have heart palpitations, anxiety, or other uncomfortable symptoms that doctors often attribute to the thyroid treatment not working.

 

Now, if your iron is over range, it can result in the same symptoms ... that happened to me. I felt very hypothyroid and when we checked my serum iron it was at the top of the range. I gave blood (which can lower your serum iron) and after a period of recovery I felt much better.

 

Where is your doctor in all of this?

 

Love and light

Karma

 

Yea, the alt and ast are fine. Bilirubin a little high. Same with serum iron.

 

I agree with your cautious approach. I've used milk thistle. But I stopped. I found it interfered with diazepam metabolism, that is to say I read it on the univ Maryland alt med page rather than I actually noticed nothing. Regardless, it feels like my benzos are currently not being properly processed.

 

My doctor. Seems like I have 4 doctors. I talk to my gp in 2 days about these latest labs. I have a phone talk with a doc next tues about staying on benzos and also a gastro appt, which will probably prove superfluous nd get cancelled. I follow up with the doc who found the high reverse t3 not til mid April but will talk thyroid with my regulardoc on Thursday.

 

Thanks for the love and the caring, karma.

[alexjuice]

Karma,

 

If I'm dealing with a thyroid issue, and it's causing the fatigue and everything else... Man I don't know what to do since I'm still not right from psych drugs. How do you cope with it all? Any tips?

 

I'm just worn down. It feels like it goes on and on and on...

[Altostrata]

For what it's worth, tons of virtual hugs coming your way, Alex.

[Karma]

Karma,

 

If I'm dealing with a thyroid issue, and it's causing the fatigue and everything else... Man I don't know what to do since I'm still not right from psych drugs. How do you cope with it all? Any tips?

 

I'm just worn down. It feels like it goes on and on and on...

 

Hi Alex

 

First of all,

 

I started treating thyroid before I ever started tapering off of ADs and benzos so I wasn't dealing with withdrawal symptoms when I first started thyroid treatment, but I was on a dose of 225 mg Effexor. I had to start treating very slowly, in fact I originally ended up halving the initial dose that was recommended because it made me feel very racy. If we look at Barb we see that she started treating thyroid while in protracted withdrawals and she had to go slowly, too. So, I think that is key ... be conservative and go slowly - listen to what your body is telling you.

 

My daily symptom logs are part of how I correlate symptoms with increases or decreases in thyroid treatment.

 

I did have some bouts of depression when I was trying to optimize thyroid treatment and I attributed it to insufficient thyroid treatment, but looking back, it could have been from withdrawal symptoms. I think the good news is that I was still able to manage how well I felt by monitoring my logs and my temperatures.

 

I did find the guidance from the Yahoo Adrenal and RT3 group very helpful. Measuring temps three times a day and plotting daily average temperatures is a good indication of whether or not your thyroid is fully supported. Monitoring basics like pulse and BP are also helpful to understand where you are. I purchased an Omron home BP machine and it gives me BP and pulse.

 

You said you had high reverse T3. You may already know this, but let me fill you in on what this means (references: http://www.hormoneandlongevitycenter.com/nss-folder/pictures/ReverseT3_SupressesT4-T3_Conversion.pdf, Thyroid Power by Dr. Richard Shames, M.D., http://www.custommedicine.com.au/health-articles/reverse-t3-dominance/)

 

Reverse T3 is a mirror image of active T3. Reverse T3 binds to the cell receptors upside down, thus blocking active T3 from the cell. Since reverse T3 doesn't do anything for you, it causes you to feel hypothyroid because it blocks the active form (active T3) from the cell receptors. What we see is that often T3 only thyroid replacement will be given to suppress the patient's thyroid so that it is no longer producing T4, T3, T2, T1 and T0 ... T4 is the storage form of thyroid and the body can convert it into either active T3 or reverse T3. So, we want to stop the body from converting T4 to reverse T3 and by suppressing the thyroid we can accomplish that. But the body has to have active thyroid hormone, so giving T3 only gives the body what it needs to function. It takes about 12 weeks to starve out any remaining T4 in the body and to allow the reverse T3 on the cell receptors to decay. Once the system is no longer producing reverse T3 and the cell receptors are free to receive active T3 the patient most often begins to feel better.

 

Now the trick is to find out why you had a reverse T3 problem in the first place ... and having been on ADs could be the reason. Some people can cross over to a natural thyroid treatment and come off of T3 after resolving the RT3 problem, but others just stay on T3 only and multi-dose it four times a day. I multi-dose T3 four times a day. My plan is to try to cross over to natural thyroid after I get off of ADs and benzos.

 

So, the other thing I do to cope is to learn everything I can about the condition ... which I've illustrated above ... the three key things are monitoring your symptoms against changes in treatment (and only changing one thing at a time), going slowly and learning more about the condition than the average doctor knows.

 

I hope there is something here you find helpful.

 

Love and light,

Karma

[alexjuice]

For what it's worth, tons of virtual hugs coming your way, Alex.

 

Thanks. It's worth a lot by the way.

[alexjuice]

Hey karma,

 

You couldn't have been more right. I saw gp today. It wasn't my usual guy. This fella looked at my labs and my symptoms and said he'd suspect cancer if my blood cell count wasn't so clean.

 

For the other Bloodwork he recommended a visit to the gastro for further evaluation. To the thyroid he told me not to be concerned with reverse T3. I'll have to take it up myself. My other doc will be more useful, though I don't see her for a while.

 

He recommended an ultrasound which I don't need as Alex enjoyed one last week. Ultrasound showed not much. Cholesterol in the gallbladder (not severe), enlarged spleen but still within norm. Kidneys looked fine. Liver not inflamed (this was good news).

 

Body temp at doc was 97.6, high for me of the last month. BP was okay.

 

For the first time in 6 weeks, out of rebelliousness, I had some caffeine. 1 half of one shot of espresso in 20 oz water. I probably drank 8 oz. I felt great for 30 minutes or so, then got dehydrated, then ate chicken tenders. Not great but not sweets either. I must stop losing weight, but I literally can't eat right. I can eat crap or I can eat good. Good stuff fills me right up. For all it's nutrient richness, healthy food is calorie poor.

[alexjuice]

UPDATE:

 

The combo of GI dysfunction and daily benzo use is giving me pause.

 

While the usual course, the one I recommend to others, would be a gradual taper. I may move more rapidly, crossing over to a different medication and finding some solution (hopefully) that will not interfere with abdominal function.

 

I've read much of bad gut destroying immune function, leading to auto immune disorder. To avoid this I may decide to dump the benzos and pray for a soft landing.

 

Also, Im working on a website to communicate with others in withdrawal (or just chronically ill) for mutual support. I am very tired but for four or five hours, so it's not there yet. I'd like to chat with any and all of you someday. I could use the support and I've been told I'm very easy to talk to. Plus there will be lots of tape on me, and I look harmless. I also look terrified to be on camera, but this is ok.

 

Alex

[Nadia]

Hey Alex,

 

I hope you get the liver thing figured out and it's not anything too serious (although sometimes ANY diagnosis seems like it would be better than all this uncertainty, huh?). What are your thoughts now on tapering the benzos? Please don't go too fast!

[alexjuice]

Hey Nadia,

Thanks for the hope and well wishes. I am sticking with the benzos. Hope you are doing well.

 

UPDATE

Not been around much, had a bad few days. Talked to doctors, and even a homeopath, and they ordered up more blood.

 

Next week I'll have a meeting with a thyroid doc and get back labs. These labs are pretty specific to diagnoses so I'll know a lot more in a few days.

 

And then I go from there.

 

Stay off drugs, kids.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

UPDATE:

 

Met with Gastro. Abdomen ultrasound more complicated than I indicated. While I got a "normal" on the report, at the follow up Doc said gallbladder cholesterol polyps as small as mine can require organ removal if the gallbladder is significantly malfunctioning -- junked up with sludge as well. So he wants to test gallbladder function, some 2 hr diagnostic procedure and then make a recommendation. I don't plan, whatever testing says, to have gallbladder removed at the moment.

 

Interestly, on this, I had an abdomen scan after an injury early in w/d which showed no gallbladder problems. I think my on/off high-fat GAPS experience mixed with candy and cake getaways has not agreed with my w/d-tattered organs.

 

Next it seems I am having thyroid problems (know better Thurs) and they have gotten a lot worse in the last week. Zero sex drive, zero morning erection, testicular atrophy, exhaustion. Maybe it's not thyroid, I still don't know with certainty but it's something hormonal. I am so exhausted. Pain in my throat (not reflux). I am itchy. The girl who cuts my hair (regularly) said I've developed terrible dandruff (maybe she was just trying to sell me a commissioned product- lol).

 

I could list more crap, but why? It's just been crapcrapcrap.

 

The good news. There was some concern of viral infection but all serious ones have been confidently eliminated. I guess in w/d any virus, those that otherwise would be asymptomatic and I'd just carry around, controlled, forever, can set off a cascade effect. But I'm glad not to have hep b or something, though that was never a strong possibility.

 

For several days I took a supplement, my mom misinformed me that it was a digestive enzyme, that seems to have made things a lot worse in the last week. It contained tons of crap and wouldn't have taken it if Id known what was in it. Had iodine which I probably do not want to be supplementing until I have a better handle on this. Just a big error. Dammit

 

Drugs -> Bad habits -> NoDrugs -> W/d -> Sick and injured -> Interventions -> W/d reactions -> GI failure -> Immune failure -> Sicksicksick (or something)

 

I've not been around the site much. I've just felt very lousy. I hope everyone is ok.

 

Alex

[Barbarannamated]

Miss you a whole bunch„ Alex

{{{HUGS}}}

[Karma]

Hi Alex,

 

I'm sorry you are feeling so crappy. Hopefully you'll get some answers from the doc you see for thyroid ... a lot of your symptoms sound like thyroid to me and especially the high reverse T3 ... but keep in mind that a lot of docs think that since reverse T3 is inert that it doesn't matter - not true, it is blocking your cell receptors from receiving the active T3 ... https://eaware.org/thyroid-gland/#rt3 (if it were me, I'd push the point ... but then that's what I do )

 

I understand your reluctance to have the gallbladder out. My BIL had to have his out and they used micro-surgery that left him with very little pain and very little scar ... so maybe an option if push comes to shove. But I definitely prefer a more natural approach to dealing with what ails me.

 

Good news that it is not a viral infection .

 

Here is a big Karma hug have two

Karma

[Nikki]

Hi Alex - I just popped in on this thread, so sorry you are feeling so poorly.

 

What may I ask is your GI problem? Is this coupled with a low thyroid levels?

 

Every day I say a prayer that everyone on this site finds peace and overcomes the effects of the medications....consider yourself hugged