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Dolphins1: Scared - confused - need help


dolphins1

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I'm new on this site. I was referred to this site from someone on benzo buddies. I am 15 months free of them. I am looking to taper off of Prozac now. 

 

I need help with how to taper off of Prozac safely and not rapidly. 

 

I then will taper off of gabapentin. 

 

I am in a very fragile state right now. Please be gentle. 

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome Dolphins1,

 

Congratulations on coming off benzos and well done on getting advice before you do your other tapers.    We support tapering very slowly so as to maintain your health, wellbeing and functioning.

 

Here are some key threads we recommend:

 

How to taper off Prozac - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/759-tips-for-tapering-off-prozac-fluoxetine/

 

why taper 10% - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

 

Have a read through these and then come back and post any questions here.  In he mean time, I'm wondering Is now a good time for you to taper given your fragile state?

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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I want off all these drugs. I'm sick of them and what they do. I have no hope for recovery while on them.

 

Thank you for the advise.

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I can understand that.  Play the long game and make good decisions for yourself.

 

here is another useful thread - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6632-the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable/

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Dalsan

 

One of the major problems in having now is decision making. I've been of Benzos for 15 months now. My dear friends helping me are suggesting to do my taper off Prozac real slow and easy using liquid titration.

 

This whole thing has been such a nightmare of epic proportions. So you can understand my fervent desire to get well.

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Your friends are giving you good advice and we are happy to add to your support network

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Welcome 'dolphins1' 

Sertraline 100mg amytrip 60mg diazepam 4mg (and when needed) since late 90's.Reduced all meds over 6 wks (too short) last doses 13 wks ago.Still having withdrawals.I would have done it differently

5th august 2015 reinstated 5mg amytripiline.increased to 10mg amtrip 9th sept 2015.

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At my wits end. I'm just able to work and that's about it. The depression gets so bad it exhausts me. I'm hanging on. I've gotten myself into a real mess.

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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Ok I'm going to start my taper of Prozac and I could use some tips from people. I'm new on the site. And some direction as to where to visit on here would be great.

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Dolphins,

 

I understand that you are very scared and confused and all.

 

Dalsaan gave you the links with the most important information for you so I would encourage you to read them.

 

We won't be able to give advice unless you give us more details on your drug history so can you please fill in your signature as described here

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature     .

 

You haven't said much about how you came off benzos but given how poorly you are feeling I would say you did it too fast and are now suffering from withdrawal.

 

I would discourage you from rocking the boat even further by attempting to reduce Prozac while you are so symptomatic from the previous withdrawal. We don't taper the other drug until we are stable which might take some time. I would also say your focus is wrong: you should focus on getting better and not on getting off the drugs because it can make you feel much worse and for a long time.

 

Unlike you, I believe that I am healing while reducing the drugs as slowly as required for my brain to regrow itself and remodel to functioning without the drug. Removing the drug too quickly and too soon while the brain is struggling badly judging by the symptoms will only cause it more distress. Those of us with longer periods of taking psychotropic medication (not only our present drugs), taking more than one drug, abruptly stopping and starting, etc. will generally take more time.

 

I would urge you to consider this explanation:

 

Rhi on how drugs change our brains/regowing a new brain through tapering

 

A lot of people, including healthcare practitioners; in fact, I guess, most people-- are operating from entirely the wrong paradigm, or way of thinking, about these meds. They're thinking of them like aspirin--as something that has an effect when it's in your system, and then when it gets out of your system the effect goes away.

That's not what happens with medications that alter neurotransmitter function, we are learning.

What happens when you change the chemistry of the brain is, the brain adjusts its chemistry and structure to try to return to homeostasis, or biochemical and functional balance. It tries to restabilize the chemistry. 

For example: SSRI antidepressants work as "serotonin reuptake inhibitors." That is, they cause serotonin to remain in the space between neurons, rather than being taken back up into the cells to be re-used, like it would be in a normal healthy nondrugged brain.

So the brain, which wants to re-establish normal signaling and function, adapts to the higher level of serotonin between neurons (in the "synapse", the space between neurons where signals get passed along). It does this by removing serotonin receptors, so that the signal is reduced and changed to something closer to normal. It also decreases the amount of serotonin it produces overall. 

To do that, genes have to be turned on and off; new proteins have to be made; whole cascades of chemical reactions have to be changed, which means turning on and off OTHER genes; cells are destroyed, new cells are made; in other words, a complex physiologic remodeling takes place. This takes place over time. The brain does not grow and change rapidly. 

This is a vast oversimplification of the amount of adaptation that takes place in the brain when we change its normal chemistry, but that's the principle.

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay.

When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse.

SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. 

It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. 

I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long. 

With multiple drugs and a history of drug changes and cold turkeys, all of this becomes even more complicated. And if a person is started on these kinds of drugs at an early age before the brain has ever completely established normal mature functioning--well, it can't be good. (All of which is why I recommend an extremely slow taper particularly to anyone with a multiple drug history, a history of many years on meds, a history of past cold turkeys or frequent med changes, and a history of being put on drugs at a young age.)

This isn't intended to scare people, but hopefully to give you some idea of what's happening, and to help you respect and understand the process so you can work with it; ALSO, because you are likely to encounter many, many people who still believe these drugs work kind of like aspirin, or a glass of wine, and all you need to do is stop and get it out of your system. 

Now you can explain to them that no, getting it out of your system is not the issue; the issue is, you need to regrow or at least remodel your brain. This is a long, slow, very poorly understood process, and it needs to be respected. 

 

 

 

Welcome Dolphins1,

 

Congratulations on coming off benzos and well done on getting advice before you do your other tapers.    We support tapering very slowly so as to maintain your health, wellbeing and functioning.

 

Here are some key threads we recommend:

 

How to taper off Prozac - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/759-tips-for-tapering-off-prozac-fluoxetine/

 

why taper 10% - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

 

Have a read through these and then come back and post any questions here.  In he mean time, I'm wondering Is now a good time for you to taper given your fragile state?

 

Dalsaan

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well I've updated my signature. Just thought I would reply to say hi. I'm thinking of getting off Prozac, but very very slowly.

 

What is of most interest to me is the "how" of getting well. As I have been totally debilitated for a number of years as seen in my signature. Into my 16 month free from Benzos. Those on the benzo boards say to hold on until the 18th to 24 month mark.

 

Goodness gracious I have found myself in quite a predicament!!

 

All I've been able to do for the past 2 years is work, eat and get sleep when it comes, after tossing and turning for 3-4 hours.

 

With the mind I have I'm unable to do much more. I could use some tips on understanding how the brain rebuds itself after this mess. Those in benzo buddies tell me I will regrow a new brain and be in better shape than I was before this mess. I do hope that is true.

 

I mentioned I ethink that I had some issues prior to benzo intake. I did have some bouts with depression and anxiety but not to this degree. I could function and attend school. Yet struggled with self image and esteem issues.

 

So I find Myself in this current state. I would like to dialog with those in the know that can help me help myself heal and feel whole.

 

Please? I'm pretty desparate to feel alive again and have some peace and joy in my life. And love also.

 

Thanks,

 

Dolphins

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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Hello Dolphins,

 

I know you from BB and followed your posts there. I am so sorry that it is still so hard for you after16 months. I am almost 11 months off the benzo and still in a terrible state, too (I was polydrugged). And I am also taking another med and got that feeling that I will not heal as long as I am still on psych meds.

 

From your posts at BB I think you are very very brave and such a fighter!!!!! I couldn`t even imagine to work and you do though you are feeling horrible, too!! 

I am sure you will get a lot of support here to taper off of Prozac and I am sure that, as months go by, you will start feeling better!! 16 months is a lot of time and time is working FOR you!! I am sure that healing is right around the corner, Dolphins!!!

2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg

2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. 

Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse)

05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg

09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still

 

current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg)

April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again

October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dolphins,

 

Welcome to the site and congratulations on your finding us and your desire to get off the polydrug cocktail you've been given!  I would strongly recommend that you look again at Bubble's post regarding where you are and your currently fragile CNS.  Commencing the taper of another drug while you are still reeling from a too fast taper off a benzo is a recipe for protracted difficulty. 

 

I can relate to the desire personally as I went off clonazepam and then, after a month wait, started my Zoloft taper.  If I had it to do over again (how many of us have said THAT how many times?) I would have let my system "reset" for a while before tapering a second psychoactive drug.  And I say this from the standpoint of someone who did a 2 year very slow microtaper of the benzo!  So, it would be my considered opinion that Bubble is spot on and you would be wise to give yourself some additional time to heal before you begin the Prozac taper.

 

It can be so compelling to want to get off these medicines that we do a virtual 180 and rush to be done.  It is like we feel as if the medicines are, after all those years of use, posing an "imminent" threat.  They are not an imminent threat.  They are a cumulative threat.  And while it is wise to get off them it is NOT WISE to rush off them when your nervous system can't handle that.

 

Given that you have to deal with Gabapentin after you get off Prozac you will be at this for a while so doing it from a position of as much strength as you can find would be a smart thing in my opinion.

 

I would highly recommend that you use the search feature and read the thread about our friend and member Rhi.  She is dealing with polydrugging as well and is inspirational for many of us. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Andy,

 

Thanks. I searched for a member call Rhi. Unable to find this person.

 

I typed in Rhi in member search and came up with Rhiannon or something like that. Can you help?

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

Link to comment

Dolphins,

 

Welcome to the site and congratulations on your finding us and your desire to get off the polydrug cocktail you've been given!  I would strongly recommend that you look again at Bubble's post regarding where you are and your currently fragile CNS.  Commencing the taper of another drug while you are still reeling from a too fast taper off a benzo is a recipe for protracted difficulty. 

 

I can relate to the desire personally as I went off clonazepam and then, after a month wait, started my Zoloft taper.  If I had it to do over again (how many of us have said THAT how many times?) I would have let my system "reset" for a while before tapering a second psychoactive drug.  And I say this from the standpoint of someone who did a 2 year very slow microtaper of the benzo!  So, it would be my considered opinion that Bubble is spot on and you would be wise to give yourself some additional time to heal before you begin the Prozac taper.

 

It can be so compelling to want to get off these medicines that we do a virtual 180 and rush to be done.  It is like we feel as if the medicines are, after all those years of use, posing an "imminent" threat.  They are not an imminent threat.  They are a cumulative threat.  And while it is wise to get off them it is NOT WISE to rush off them when your nervous system can't handle that.

 

Given that you have to deal with Gabapentin after you get off Prozac you will be at this for a while so doing it from a position of as much strength as you can find would be a smart thing in my opinion.

 

I would highly recommend that you use the search feature and read the thread about our friend and member Rhi.  She is dealing with polydrugging as well and is inspirational for many of us. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

Dolphins,

 

Welcome to the site and congratulations on your finding us and your desire to get off the polydrug cocktail you've been given!  I would strongly recommend that you look again at Bubble's post regarding where you are and your currently fragile CNS.  Commencing the taper of another drug while you are still reeling from a too fast taper off a benzo is a recipe for protracted difficulty. 

 

I can relate to the desire personally as I went off clonazepam and then, after a month wait, started my Zoloft taper.  If I had it to do over again (how many of us have said THAT how many times?) I would have let my system "reset" for a while before tapering a second psychoactive drug.  And I say this from the standpoint of someone who did a 2 year very slow microtaper of the benzo!  So, it would be my considered opinion that Bubble is spot on and you would be wise to give yourself some additional time to heal before you begin the Prozac taper.

 

It can be so compelling to want to get off these medicines that we do a virtual 180 and rush to be done.  It is like we feel as if the medicines are, after all those years of use, posing an "imminent" threat.  They are not an imminent threat.  They are a cumulative threat.  And while it is wise to get off them it is NOT WISE to rush off them when your nervous system can't handle that.

 

Given that you have to deal with Gabapentin after you get off Prozac you will be at this for a while so doing it from a position of as much strength as you can find would be a smart thing in my opinion.

 

I would highly recommend that you use the search feature and read the thread about our friend and member Rhi.  She is dealing with polydrugging as well and is inspirational for many of us. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

g

 

What if I do a 10% cut every month or two months?

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

Link to comment

Rhi is Rhiannon.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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  • Moderator Emeritus

A 10% reduction can be a lot for a nervous-system that is already less than stable.  I think what the others say about waiting and building yourself a strong platform for tapering from, is spot-on.  I know it feels like an agony having to wait further, but in the long run you'll have less agony if you stabilise a bit more first.

 

Hugs,

KarenB 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Hi dolphins here. 15 months free from Benzos. No change. Scared of psych drugs. Very stuck and not sure what I should do. I am also on 20mg of Prozac and also on gabapentin. My symptoms, which are many and multi layered. In short - severe - depression, anxiety, cognitive, DR/DP.

 

I'm told when I recover from benzo use I will be better than I was before I ever took them. Prior to use I experienced some depression and anxiety. Nothing like what I am now.

 

I'm 58. I have no had any change in condition.

 

What do I do? Do I continue as I have for the past few years - just surviving with zero quality of life or do I race back to a doctor for drugs so that I may have a chance of a decent life before I die.

 

I need your input please.

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Dolphins,

 

I've merged your new intro thread with your old one.  It's one thread per person in the intro section

 

Where are you at with tapering?   What has been your symptom pattern over the past couple of weeks

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Hello my name is Bruce. I am at my wits and and I need help. As posted before I was on benzodiazepines from 2007 until August 2014. I built up a tolerance level and reach 9 mg a day of Xanax. In 2010 I had titrated down to 4 mg and ended up in the hospital After a mild seizure. I have not been the same since.

 

I have no idea what I need to do for myself. I have been in pure survival mode for at least three years. I am now 16 months free of benzodiazepines after a four-month dry taper off .5 mg three times a day of clonazepam.

 

My symptoms are purely mental psychological and cognitive and emotional. I am also on Prozac and gabapentin. I have been on those two drugs for about eight months. They have had no noticeable effect. I live in Laguna Beach California. All I have been doing for the last three years is work, eat, sleep, and sit on the beach.

 

A friend moved into my home or your ago to help me with daily chores around the house and to be there by my side.

 

My symptoms are severe. Normally I would probably have checked myself into a hospital by now but I'm afraid of being put on medications and I have spent enough time in hospitals. They are demoralizing and would bring up too many memories of when I was in the hospital before.

2005 I admitted myself to a hospital with my first panic anxiety and depressive episode. I spent two weeks there and was put on a cocktail of five drugs. When released I recovered at my parents home and got rid of the drugs. This latest episodes with the Xanax been nothing short of crippling. I spent three weeks in the hospital in 2010 suffering extreme hallucinations around the clock for two weeks. When released I came home to recover for a week prior to going back to work which I could barely do. I needed to work in order to keep a roof over my head . I went back to the doctor because I was experiencing symptoms and I need it to work and I was not sure totally what was wrong with me. I knew it was a Xanax but to what degree I did not know. I was put on the clonazepam then. I was also given a few types of antidepressants but to no avail. I also was in brief Therapy for a while.

 

OK essentially that probably doesn't matter but I wanted to give you a background.

 

Currently I am experiencing severe anxiety and severe depression severe DR/DP. I am unable to think logically without any reasoning capability. Perceptions are skewed. Emotions are all over the map. Paranoia. No sense of self. Completely distorted sense of self. There are aspects of self which come forward and take over me. Parts I don't like. I anger easily and am irritated. There are gripping sensations in my brain when I try to concentrate or I cannot figure out a simple math formula. Or when I tried to read a book or comprehend something. It's difficult for me to be around a group of people it becomes overwhelming. All my insecurities are heightened. My thoughts are unbelievable. They are twisted and distorted unreal. I have premonitions. I complete sentences for people. Either in person or on TV in my mind . I don't have the room here to go into extreme detail of the types of things that I am experiencing other than to tell you it's severe and quickly.

 

I'm 58 years old I don't know how much life I have left and I'm extremely terrified.

 

My life story becomes available to me as I look back into my past. I was a cocaine addict getting sober in 1998. From 1998 until this current day I have searched through books, seminars, therapists, spiritual retreats, spiritual healing tool , And a host of other things. I reached a point where I have no idea what to do for myself. But going on like this without any change is becoming a little bit too much to bear.

 

Now I don't know why all of you are getting off antidepressants. It could be because they run their course and are not working anymore or you are experiencing similar symptoms or some types of symptoms. Or you just decided to get off the antidepressants because you have been able to function in your life.

 

At this time unfortunately I am unable to recall any pleasant memories or when I felt secure or whole within myself. I felt and obviously looking back over the last 15 years that I was constantly seeking and trying to get well mentally and spiritually and emotionally.

 

 

 

I read lots of threads on benzo buddies and a few I think on this website.

 

All I know is I would like to experience life and beauty and wonder and love and joy and some happiness. And I would like to know who I really am. To find the authentic self within me. Ever since I discovered that concept within the spiritual books and psychological books I read I wanted to find out within myself. I read so many books. You have no idea. When this whole mess came down on me I said oh no now what do I do. What tool can I use what book and I read what therapist going to go back to so that I can get well.

 

I have not been able to find out what I need to do. My mind is so confused and disjointed. There's a tremendous amount of resistance to anything new or any type of change.

 

I was in hope to hear from some of you who have depression before and never really rectified it but going through withdrawal that maybe you heal nonetheless. For what I've heard on benzo buddies through the people I have spoken to they tell me that when I get through with drawl and my brain is he healed enough that the prior issues will go away. I've also heard from others that they pry riches will be there. And so I get quite confused because I'm in a life-and-death situation here. I want to to live and heal and yet I don't know how. Because of all I've read of the pros and cons of taking psychotropic drugs I am baffled as to how to figure this out. From what I've read by Dr. Breggin, Whittaker, and Ashton and others not only about big Pharma and their profiteering and their shenanigans but also the fact that these drugs are poison and they really have no idea how they work and if they work. Not to mention all the horror stories that are on the Internet.

 

So I take all that I've read on both sides of the fence. That psycho tropic drugs work and that they don't work in a poisonous.

 

For those of us that suffer with mental challenges

Our options according to doctors and prevalent websites as a first line of defense is therapy and drugs. I am well aware that there are alternatives to treating mental challenges.

 

Where I find myself is a situation where I am unable to discern my course of action. do I weigh it out for another year to see if my mental torment abates? Or do I go back to a doctor?

 

I really don't quite know what I'm asking here but I wanted to hear from some of the survivors that they were able to get their life back. My life is been pretty void of the basic components of Friendships love connection piece well-being wholeness spiritual purpose self-worth and a host of other qualities. In essence I feel that I'm trying to heal from an empty shell. I have no sense of self and wonder if I ever did. Hence I found myself in a conundrum.

 

What goes through my mind is this. If I have had depression before and anxiety and I spent many years 15 to be exact attempting to heal the underlying depression and anxiety through all the seminars and things that I have done spending copious amounts of dollars doing so, then how is it possible for me to heal at all, if I made that attempt for 15 years.

 

Now I am not one to give up ever yet there is a tremendous amount of doubt, empathy, and disbelieve that I may ever see wellness and wholeness and the things that I have aspired to realize within myself.

 

Maybe you can make sense of what I'm trying to say here and what I'm trying to ask of you. What I'm asking of you is what should I do? And I know you will come back and say we can't make decisions for you but I'm hoping that maybe you can give me some perspective. I'm just unable to climb out of this bag I find myself in

 

I have read so many stories of people that have been suicidal, schizophrenic, depressed, locked up in the psych ward's, and a host of other severe mental conditions and have been able to extricate themselves completely from their debilitating condition and realize a brand-new life of joy and wonder again . I want that for myself. I just don't know how to do it.

 

Inside I am a good man. Inside I have sought for the last 15 years to be something. That something I have wanted to be is a man who is free from his past, and peace with himself and others, loves himself, Has esteem and confidence, has an unconditionally loving attitude, is so glad to be alive, feels and has a connection to God and spirit, is secure in himself, strong in himself, empowered, and has been developed worthy qualities, Has love and compassion, enjoys friendships and intimacy, laughs again, feels as though he has a purpose and is living that purpose and contributing to others And the earth.

 

I guess what I'm saying is I wanted to be real. I have felt if few times in my life when I was completely aligned. It was after a Tony Robbins event and all of the bullsh*t fell away inside of me and in my mind. I felt nothing but unconditional love and joy. I could talk to people without wondering whether they liked me or whether I had to make them like me or without judging them as idiots or without feeling insecure.

 

Well I've sort of bared my soul here. It's been a dream of mine. One that I would like that I would like to realize more than anything in my life.

 

Maybe there's someone out there on this site who is spiritually bent, and understands the nature of consciousness that would be willing to help me.

 

So I will just lay this out there for you. My spiritual quests have taken me to many places and meeting many individuals. I've been very fortunate to have to have some very profound spiritual experiences.

 

The first one was after getting sober. I had an explosion of white light within my consciousness during my first meditation in 16 years. I then had an energy it ran from my root chakra up through my crown chakra. I do not know what chakras were. This energy energy was something divine. This energy was a love beyond anything I have ever known in my life. I could take the love I had for my first girlfriend and if I multiplied it by 3 trillion it would not come close to the lovely experience. This love held me and consumed me. It took away anything that was not love. I was also consumed by piece. AP so I had never known. I was then given a message. It was not written on my eyelids nor was it audible. It was just present in the experience. The message was you are so loved and you will be well.

 

I have been chasing that ever since . I want more than anything to be that love in the world and to feel that love and be that love and express that love in the world. I have faint faint memories of that. And it was the most natural way of being possible. Now I know how I felt Felt when I was three years old.

 

It's still my goal I just know have no idea how to achieve it.

 

Maybe there's a spiritual guru that can help me find what I'm looking for.

 

When I tasted this love, when I experienced how it felt,and when I experienced how the world looked within this framework of loveI knew that that is what I wanted. I was free. Free to be me and free to love without hesitation or thinking about it.

 

 

 

I am exhausted with trying to think of how I should be in the world and how I should act. I would like to know how to just be, just be Bruce without thinking about how to be Bruce.

 

 

 

So now you will know a little bit about me and my aspirations.

 

So back to my question what do you folks think I should do?

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Bruce,

I merged the new topic you started in with your original intro/update thread. Its one intro topic per member, please add information, updates and ask questions here. This is your own thread and the best place to post and communicate with the community. You can also use it as a kind of journal if you want.

 

I think I understand what you are saying in your post, it sounds like you have been searching for something for a long time, trying to discover spiritual truths that lay beyond the superficial surface of the what appears to be reality?

 

Psychiatric drugs and withdrawal are only part of your journey, and its confusing, trying to understand where one thing ends and the other begins?

 

I've also had some profound spiritual experiences in my life, but the thing about experiences is that they are just experiences, like any other experience, if you spend your life chasing after them, it becomes an addiction just like other addictions. Real spiritual evolution is about learning how to let go of desiring each moment from being anything other than what it actually is.

 

For me, going through withdrawal has brought me back to my spiritual path because I've been so sick I haven't been able to run away from myself with lots of doing, so I've been forced to sit down in the middle of my life and deal with my own reality, no matter how bad its felt. You are not doing too badly if you are still able to work and sit on a beach.

 

I've found some very good spiritual teachers with sites and talks over the internet. You have to be discerning though, because there are many more bad teachers than good ones. If you are serious about your spiritual seeking, you need to find a good teacher, there are a lot of charlatans and spiritual egos out there.

 

You are right in that we can't tell you what to do, regarding drugs and also what to believe and what practices to do.

 

We have a Finding meaning forum where you will find discussion about faith, religion and spirituality.

 

This is just my opinion, but I think anyone who is serious about spiritual development, who wants to grow towards their potential, eventually needs to learn how to live in the reality of this world as they naturally were born to be, without changing their brain chemistry with drugs. Of course we all want to feel good all the time, but that's not a realistic expectation of life in a human body.

 

Some people are born more sensitive and perceptually open, others seem to be born to seek deeper truths and live in a state of subtle dissatisfaction with 'the way things are', these kinds of people, and I'm one of them, seem vulnerable to various kinds of substances and addictive behaviors in an attempt to find that elusive 'thing' that's always just out of reach. Perhaps all our addictions and drug taking habits are just misguided methods of trying to satisfy our unrecognized innate spiritual drives.

 

It sounds to me like you are still recovering from benzo withdrawal, and you still have prozac and gabapentin to taper from, its going to take a while and in the mean time you will have lots of opportunities to practice the spiritual qualities of acceptance and patience.

 

Read back through your thread, you have been given some good advice with regards to your drug situation. For spiritual advice, check out the finding meaning forum and PM me if you want links to sites and teachers I've found helpful.

 

Petunia.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Petunia

 

Thank you. I could use your assistance to get through this phase and to learn how to accept things as they are. More importantly to feel comfortable in my own skin. Feel free to pass along any teachers you may know. I would like some peace.

 

Thank you

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

Link to comment

Hi Bruce,

 

I don't know if I can offer anything specific but just trying to give my perspective and support as I see some similarities.

Maybe my med history isn't as long or as varied but I would never register to post if I wasn't hurting so much.

Just like you I go to work, well if you can call it working. I stumble in late and leave early and if asked to do any real work I can't. You sleep, so you have one up on me.

I am in confused/drunk daze all day, I have to drive carefully. This scares me because i fear this will never go away.

I went off med because it was giving me bad side effects but my mood was good so it was probably working in that sense. I always knew though time would come and I would have to get off. I know some people are on these for years but most reach a point where it stops working or side effects become unbearable. I was put on new ad, I don't think it's working.

My symptoms just like yours are purely emotional except the drunk visual thing, my visual processing is off.

I have been seeking non drug help. I am working with natural dr that did blood/stool tests and trying to correct deficits via supplements. I see no results but maybe you woud?

I have also been approved for tms but i have decided not to proceed at the moment but maybe an option for you?

I used to do a lot of sports and I still try to do something every day but it is far cry from what I used to do.

This is your thread so I won't go into my symptoms but just like you I am suffering immensely and I have a child which desperately needs me "back". Maybe this responsibility keeps me going but on the other hand i feel no joy from the on i love most and this is beyond crushing.

I know a lot of my symptoms are from ad and withdrawal but underlying depression I would have to work on regardless. I had real issues that caused depression, no supplements can fix that.

If you can't pinpoint any real issues you may want to look into correcting imbalances with natural dr.

As for recovering:

I had pretty bad depressions, recovered without meds also about 10 years ago i took effexor for a year I probably had withdrawal after i quit but i felt bad on and off of it. It went away, even forgot that I ever took it.

10/2012 - Lexapro 10mg

2013/2014 - Started experiencing visual disturbances, like visual processing was slow, feeling drunk all the time

9/2014 - Lexapro 5mg, didn't notice any withdrawal, drunk feeling went away

2015 - Drunk feeling came back

5/2015 - Lexapro 2.5mg - 1.25mg - insomnia started

6/2015 - Lexapro 0.625mg

7/2015 - Severe symptoms started, in desperation on advice of pdoc restarted 5mg Lexapro - total disaster

8/2015 - Lexapro 5mg, disoriented, sleepless zombie

9/2015 - Very reluctantly started transitioning to Zoloft

as of 10/10/2105 - no lexapro, 37.5mg Zoloft

12/14/2015 - 35mg zoloft, 1/16/2016 - 34mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Bruce,

 

I read your post, and one thing came to mind.  You've tried a lot of different things, different people/guides/teachers etc and have found these to be helpful, but not really the whole answer.  I think that the guru you are seeking could only be yourself.  That 3-year-old you, the you at each different age, all layering in and knowing who you are and what the next step is. 

 

I have a desire to know things/myself/truth in my bones.  That is, as deeply as possible.  If that's what you're after, you can't get it from anybody else, because they simply aren't you. 

 

In this time of difficulty and despair, you have the opportunity to sink right into yourself and notice, feel, accept, become aware of the things that are you, and the way that is right for you.  You'll find bits of yourself now that you could never find in an easy life.  As you tune in more and more finely, your way will open up to you.

 

And it will be healing.

 

Karen

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Dear Bruce,

 

wow, you really let us take a look inside your soul. Thank you for that!!!!

 

I completely agree with Karen. The guru that you are looking for, you will not find in the outside. That guru is you, Bruce. The spiritual healer, the therapists, all these "teachers", non of them will "heal" you. The answer for everything is only in yourself. 

You know about the "benzo lies" from bb, right!? One of these benzo lies is that there is a little (or in your and my case as well not so little but horribly loud) voice in your head that keeps telling you "this is you!!!! How you are feeling is not because of the pills, it`s because you are just crazy and doing everything wrong wrong wrong". It is no, Bruce!!! I am 100000% sure that all the books you read and the knowledge you got from them, all the therapies you did, all the healers you talked to, all of the good things that these things would "normally" do to you, when you would not be in withdrawal, they are growing somewhere inside of you. They were not for nothing and they were not wasted time! It will be all there for you - but when wd is over!!!!! 

 

When I read the success stories on bb and all the people write that, when wd is over they would feel better than ever before in their lives. I think there are several reasons for that, as

 

- you are just so very thankful that you survived a thing that you never ever thought you could and it would end 

- there comes a time in wd when you are able to distract yourself and you have the chance, and maybe for the first time in your life, to really take your time to look for and try things that make you feel better. I think, besides the "surviving"-method this is also a chance for finding yourself (god I would like to say that in another way; this is not exactly what I mean but my english is not that good; I just hope you understand what I mean). I mean the self caring. I think self-caring is a guru-act ;) And that is maybe a chance to find out "who you really are".

- when wd is over, NOTHING will look as horrific and black and senseless and crazy as it does now. 

 

Don`t let the benzo lie tell you that it`s not wd!!! Don`t let wd tell you that this is YOU. It is NOT! 

 

I know from your bb posts that you are struggling a lot and living a nightmare. And for a long time. And you will go on, Bruce!!!! 

Maybe you could try to surrender a little bit? That is what I keep telling myself again and again and again and again. It became my mantra and it everytime I think "ok, now it`s over, it`s too much, I am crazy, I have to go to the hospital NOW and they will keep me in forever because I am just the craziest person on this planet (and believe me I reach that point a thousand times a day!)" I stop myself and say "I surrender....I surrender...I surrender" It is not a miracle but it takes the top of it a little bit and I can take a deep breath. 

 

Going to the sea is excellent by the way!!!!!! And I promise you, Bruce, when this nightmare will be over (and it WILL be over!!!) you will be sitting at your sea in absolute peace and with a calm mind. And YOU will be the guru!!!!

 

You are doing such a wonderful job, Bruce!!! Don`t give up. 

2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg

2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. 

Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse)

05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg

09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still

 

current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg)

April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again

October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck)

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Hi dolphins here. 15 months free from Benzos. No change. Scared of psych drugs. Very stuck and not sure what I should do. I am also on 20mg of Prozac and also on gabapentin. My symptoms, which are many and multi layered. In short - severe - depression, anxiety, cognitive, DR/DP.

 

I'm told when I recover from benzo use I will be better than I was before I ever took them. Prior to use I experienced some depression and anxiety. Nothing like what I am now.

 

I'm 58. I have no had any change in condition.

 

What do I do? Do I continue as I have for the past few years - just surviving with zero quality of life or do I race back to a doctor for drugs so that I may have a chance of a decent life before I die.

 

I need your input please.

Hello Bruce,

 

The symptoms you have can be also a side effect of drugs you are still taking. When I was taking Lyrica, I had terrible harm impulses mostly in situations when I met someone unexpectedly or by surprise. I was crying each day when I picked up my children from nursery or from being by my neighbours as this meeting them triggered immediately harm impulse (I never did anything though). I was so depressed. Imagine such impulses to your own children, I have never had them prior withdrawal. It was never better, I thought if it continues I have to go to the psychiatry because this I can not possibly endure longer. When I ended tapering and once off, after two weeks these impulses went away. It was totally from the drug. I still have some but they come in other situations which are for me more manageable and which allow me stay drug free and work and somewhat enjoy my life. I would not take any new drugs until you know if these symptoms are not still from the drugs you are taking.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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It's been a pleasure to hear from some of you. Thanks most sincerely for replying. And thank you for the spiritual tips and self care tips. I would very much like to stay in touch through this whole ordeal.

 

And yes, I am a very sensitive person, so going through this heightens that. I keep myself away from hustle and bustle, unless I am working.

 

I'll be seeing a integrative medical doctor soon to get tests done to make sure everything is functioning. To get the body in the shape it needs to be in to heal.

 

What I would like to do is extricate myself permanently from the state of mind I am in.

 

I would enjoy tips and things to help me realize my goal of happiness and wholeness. I know there are times in life when we are sad, happy, etc etc - I can live with that. Yet I also know that my experience of life is not meant to be hell all the time either.

 

I also know we create our reality and I have - oh my goodness - quite a bit of negativity.

 

Anyway ----- your help would be appreciated in knowing how to navigate my way out of this.

 

Blessings to you all

 

Bruce

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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  • Moderator Emeritus

What has worked best for me to shift my state of mind (and may or may not work for you): 

 

- dancing or even just moving with some kind of rhythm and expression of feeling

- singing, especially loudly

- going outside and lying on the grass or mucking round in the garden.  Just touching soil is very calming.

- visiting good friends who laugh and remind you of other worlds than your own

- gentle and supported yoga

- emotional freedom technique

- actively putting in place new brain pathways with healing thoughts, then re-treading over and over them till you can't lose them.  Some of mine are 'I am robust and totally able to heal my brain.' 'The very nature of my being is pulling me towards healing all the time.' 

- hang out with kids and babies cause they are totally in touch with the happy life-force.  Got any nieces or nephews?

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Bruce,

 

I always feel very very disconnected from myself all the time in wd. And I have a huge problem with being "good" to myself since I don`t even remember myself. But besides the things that Karen mentioned, I think that crying is really really good.

Sometimes (many times) I feel like exploding and going completely crazy because I cannot get all these awful feelings and emotions out of my body and brain. I sit down and listen to sad music then and as soon as I start crying, I feel relief. And very sorry for myself. And I always feel that huge wish to heal and be myself again. 

 

Also I try to connect myself with my inner child and tell her how sorry I am for putting both of us in this situation but that I love her and take care of here. 

 

Dancing, as Karen mentioned is excellent, too. But me, myself, I was only able to do that maybe twice since wd started because I don`t have the energy.

 

One of my biggest problems is, I am so very scared and afraid of these horrible emotions and I am always afraid to let them out somehow (I am concerned that something horrible will happen if I open the outlet. But the opposite happens. Whenever I let them out, I feel better afterwards!

 

It is really really good that you have the sea!!! How about trying not just to sit or walk there, but maybe run for a minute or two? Maybe that`s another possibility to feel a bit more alive?

 

All the best for you, Bruce

 

Never

2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg

2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. 

Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse)

05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg

09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still

 

current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg)

April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again

October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck)

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I've been on this site a very short time. I am also on benzo buddies. I'm entering my 17 month here shortly free of Benzos. I have had no significant changes.

 

I am also slowly tapering off of Prozac. I sought help for suicidal ideation a few months after jumping off Benzos. I was also given gabapentin for sleep.

 

I am wondering why everyone here on this site who was depressed and obviously in mental pain decided to get off antidepressants.

 

Were they not working anymore?

 

Did they work for you?

 

Why have you decided to get off them?

 

If you had depression before how will you heal from your prior condition of that prior condition is why you took antidepressants?

 

I ask this because I am quite concerned about my mental state. I am concerned because I do experience some depression before I took Benzos. I also experienced 3 hospital stays in my life.

 

I'm concerned because I don't / can't see how I can get well if I struggled with depression / anxiety before.

 

That is why I'm asking feedback perspective from all of you.

 

We all want to live a full happy joyous life. I know I do. I may have 12-20 years of life left. I would like to enjoy them.

 

So I want to hear from as many people as possible so I can either rest easy and give my healing time or go back to a doctor.

 

For I desire to know HOW we heal. I'm told in BB to give it time and the brain heals. My friends in BB say we emerge reborn, in better shape than before. That prior conditions either dissapear or become insignificant.

 

My symptoms are so alarming they are mind blowing. I desire to heal and to live. But how much longer do I go on like this without significant relief. Taking into consideration my age, my past history with depression and anxiety.

 

Maybe you can all enlighten me.

 

Please, if you have time, answer my questions.

 

Bruce

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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Correction:

 

If you had depression before how will you heal from your prior condition IF that prior condition is why you took antidepressants in the first place?

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

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What would you do?

 

If you were me and had dealt with depression and anxiety before Benzos, and ADs and looking at maybe 12-20 years left of your life, and you were currently living in hell, worried about your past depression / anxiety - what would you do?

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

My position is that I am putting in place as many strategies as I can to promote positive mental health and I am confident of doing that.   I think everyone should address the issues that impact their mental health and develop coping strategies for when they experience periods of symptoms. My antidepressant didnt work much for depression, it worked for insomnia but then it stopped working.   That's why I decided to come off.  Given what I know now I dont think I should have ever been on antidepressants (even within the medical mindset).   

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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My position is that I am putting in place as many strategies as I can to promote positive mental health and I am confident of doing that. I think everyone should address the issues that impact their mental health and develop coping strategies for when they experience periods of symptoms. My antidepressant didnt work much for depression, it worked for insomnia but then it stopped working. That's why I decided to come off. Given what I know now I dont think I should have ever been on antidepressants (even within the medical mindset).

And what are you putting into place that will help you?

 

Have you been mentally crippled?

 

Thank you.

2008: Put on Xanax in 2008.
2009: Eventually dosed up to 9MG
2010: Hospital almost died after fast taper down to 4mg Xanax 2010 - After
hospital put on 0.5mg 3x a day of clonazepam.
April 2014 - started taper
July 13 2014 - took my last dose. Tapered far to fast.
2015 - symptoms severe. Put on gabapentin and Prozac. Gabapentin - 300mg in AM and 600mg before bed. Prozac - 20mg in morning.
September 2015 - beginning titration off Prozac (have held at 19mg)
December 2016 - FREE from Prozac

February 2017 - FREE from Gabapentin OFF ALL MEDICATIONS

Link to comment

Bruce,

 

I think that AD`s will "heal" you the same as benzos did!!! I think taking AD`s will -again- cut you off from yourself. You would -again- not be able to find the guru in you. You wouldn`t know who you are. You wouldn`t feel all that love you want to feel so much. You would not be able to fix the things that have to be fixed in your life to keep you away from a happy life. I think you can free yourself only without all these pills. They all stop you of feeling yourself.

I know that on bb there are many people saying that AD`s saved their lived during benzo wd. But what you do not see there and what they don`t know themselves yet, is that in a while, they have to taper the AD, too, which can be another walk through hell. They are happy to get some relief for the moment, but the longer you stay on the AD, the more it will cut you off from yourself, too. 

I was on AD`s for 12 years straight. Only in the first months I thought they "helped" me, what they actuelly did NOT!!!! The only thing they did was making me very agitated, what brought me out of bed. But after maybe 6 months I started realizing that I changed into a person that was completely strange to me. 

I also was completely unable to work on the problems that shot me in my depression first place. I just couldn`t feel these things anymore. 

Don`t change one misery for another, Bruce!!! 

Yesterday, a buddy wrote that he works with veterans from the war, that want to come off of their psych meds. And he said that in most of the cases, he could see real healing setting in after around 2 years after being off the poison. Bruce, you are so close to these 2 years. Hang in there!!!!!!! 

If it is possible, I would try to wait 2 years. And if it is still so unbearable then, then I would maybe go to a doctor. But I am so so sure you will see a changing before the 2 year mark! One day at a time, Bruce. You already made such a long part of the way!!!!!

2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg

2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. 

Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse)

05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg

09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still

 

current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg)

April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again

October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck)

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Bruce,

 

I think that AD`s will "heal" you the same as benzos did!!! I think taking AD`s will -again- cut you off from yourself. You would -again- not be able to find the guru in you. You wouldn`t know who you are. You wouldn`t feel all that love you want to feel so much. You would not be able to fix the things that have to be fixed in your life to keep you away from a happy life. I think you can free yourself only without all these pills. They all stop you of feeling yourself.

 

I like that. That is how I felt too.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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