Joannatm: sertraline withdrawal

[joannatm]

So wish when wake up I'm not sweating anxious and not know my mood. Seems every day different. I'm thinking what's point in life. Don't feel suicidal just silly thoughts. Anyone else like that x

[joannatm]

Here we go again pmt and I'm feeling worse again but on good note I had two more than fantastic days last week all day too. Best days in a very long while. So may each window will better little better but waves little worse! X

[joannatm]

Thought give nect update. I'm having okay days and some are fantastic days but one thing at moment getting to me is the putter body experience and keeping thinking about past and weather I have always been like this. Mornings are worse, night time are good. Gets really bad a week after pmt but not sure it's all related. Got a good job but constantly thinking I hate it and want to move on but it's a really good job that works round my kiddies. Very weird feelings. Very different feelings to when I was put on the blooming tablets. That was for pnd crying lonely sad. X

[joannatm]

Meant outer body experience. Blooming predictive text.

[joannatm]

Ps it's now been 15 months. Is it the norm after so long.

[Sertramean]

Hi Joanne,

 

I'm going through the same thing, constantly thinking about my past and regretting decisions i've made. I seem to be having regrets about things that i really shouldn't give a second thought too. A lot of these regrets are from before i even went on the drugs and didn't regret at the time. WD from these drugs is like an acid trip! Mornings are the worst time for me too. Evenings are pretty good. I think this pattern is pretty universal once you get to a certain stage in recovery.

 

I KNOW i wasn't like this before so i know it's all WD. Like you I seem to be over the worst (anxiety has gone from extreme to hardly noticeable over the last few months) but it's the newer pyscological symptoms that seem to be troubling me the most. I've read others on here talk of this too i.e.new symptoms emerging in the 2nd year off. It's just a new stage of WD emerging but it will pass like it has for the others. 

 

I understand what you're going through.

 

Keep on keeping on, you'll get there in the end

[KarenB]

For some people, it seems, w/d does take longer to end.  You're in rather good company in that regard.  Apologies if I've shared this with you before, but she's so inspiring:  It Gets Better; Living Well while Being Sick.

[joannatm]

Thanks for that. Well it's been 15 months and I have improved but it's a very slow process if nothing at all some times. Today woke up tired and tears even though I slept well. Still have that weird bubble feeling. But I know and hope gets better. X

[joannatm]

Well I've still having waves and windows and now it is 15 months. Today hit a big low and I'm having thoughts that maybe it not withdrawal and it's me. How can protracted withdrawal last so long on and off. Feeling awful

[joannatm]

Had ok day today but keep thinking negative and weird feeling x

[joannatm]

Does anyone else feel like this. X

[scallywag]

Yeah, negative thinking gets in the way for me from time to time. In my case, however, it's a longstanding pattern developed well before taking any antidepressants.

[joannatm]

Do you think it becomes a habit negative thinking? X

[KarenB]

For sure.  Anything we do repeatedly forms habitual pathways in our brain.  So if you've got ideas for positive pathways, you can create those too, by repeating them till the habit forms.  A few years ago I successfully did this to change how I was responding to my children, and I'm currently using it in an attempt to reduce my sensitivity to drug-changes.  It obviously won't change this completely, but I'm pretty sure I can at least get out of this extreme sensitivity I seem to be in. 

[joannatm]

And how do you do it x

[joannatm]

Do do you think it's not WD after 15 months but maybe bad habit. Nice hot bad again last few days.

[joannatm]

I've just frightened myself and read an article saying it is permanent damage. I had such great few weeks now I'm a mess again and don't know what you do. X

[KarenB]

Read something that says the damage isn't permanent.  That will counter the effects of your first article . 

 

Negative thinking could be both w/d or a habit.  It's probably worth working on a bit anyway. 

 

How to re-train your brain?  There are a few different options.  EFT.  CBT.  NeuroSculpting.  Meditation. (+others).  My favourite at the moment is neurosculpting, but I've done the others too, particularly EFT, and had good results.  It's quite freeing once you realise you can actually change how you respond to things.  It's been a bit of a life-saver for me.   

[joannatm]

I know I shouldn't have read it.

 

Not too bad today just odd negative moments. I did go on a course of cut and the doctor said she thought it was more hormonal in the end so put me on tablets. That was for more insomnia and depression. Not anxiety. X

[joannatm]

Why oh why still so crap. Had a week if bad negative thoughts anxiety. Blooming 16 months and slight change but nothing drastic gutted and sad today. Wanting to go see doctor for help but frightened they put me on more tablets especially when last ones didn't work. Frustrated

[KT38]

Same here!!  I feel I need to go to the Dr this has lasted waaaaaaaaaaaay too long!  But for what, so they can hurt us even more?  There has to be an end at some point.  It's just disgusting.

[joannatm]

Blooming awful and when I do have windows I'm thinking how I'm feeling all time and negative. Soooo fed up. Evenings aren't too bad but mornings and early afternoons dreadful. X

[joannatm]

Wow I'm struggling at mo. Last week was a really good week. Felt like back to norm like a switch. Still had anxiety in morning but wear off. Wow the last four days tears anxious negative thoughts. Friend who is psychiatric nurse suggested I try other tablets or therapy as she doesn't think wd last that long and thinks I have general anxiety disorder. Never had that before tablets it was for insomnia turning into depression lack sleep and baby blues. She Gave me that look of oh dear is that what u think. 17 months but the hope I had last week has gone.

[dowdaller]

I am 13 months off all meds. I have felt terrible on and off for about a month, I have read that the withdrawal can last a very long time especially from benzos. I get different symptoms from time to time. I an better than when was on meds. But I have plenty of crap days too. You have got this far which shows great strength.

[SquirrellyGirl]

I've seen it over and over on this forum, Joanna - people get as far as you and then have a WAVE and fall into the extreme thinking with loss of hope....and then they pop out of it again and can't believe they were thinking the way they were!  Hang in there!

 

I guess a lot of us have learned to hold our tongues because all the sudden everyone is an expert when you bemoan how you are feeling.  Outsiders always proclaim that "you need the meds."  No matter how you try to explain that this was CAUSED by the meds, they don't hear it and say you need to be back on.  Only you can decide whether that is the direction you need to go in, not being prodded that way by others.

 

Were you hit by any kind of stressor to trigger the wave? Sometimes they happen just because it is time!  Remember, this is part of the healing.  The wave is a sign that another set of neurons is adjusting, if you will.  I love this post even though it is about benzos (pretty much the same story for all psych meds):

 

What is Happening in Your Brain

 

In particular, this passage:

 

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. 

And just like the Twin Towers- it's possible - but the buiding is a major effort -and it takes a good year or more sometimes. 
(Now look at the new Tower that stands at Ground Zero!  It's taller, [...], and a symbol of freedom.  JUST like you will be!  )

 

This wave is NOT forever, Joanna, and it does NOT mean you are back to zero as some have felt.  Hang tough and you will emerge out the other side!

 

SG

[joannatm]

Thank you so very much for your posts. I'm feeling disheartened and hearing from others especially medically makes me think are they right. 17 months he'll of ups and downs. I've just come out my period so maybe it's that again. Woke up anxious straight away too today. Gutted. Work keeps my head busy so I have little breaks then. X

[joannatm]

Can it really take so long. So disheartening. Pushing myself to do things with tears behind eyes x

[dowdaller]

Can it really take so long. So disheartening. Pushing myself to do things with tears behind eyes x

 

I have been thinking the same over the last few months , and I have scoured the internet looking for people that have come through and there are success stories, and i found a whole page of people that have come AD's and benzos, thats the good news, the bad news it can take a long time. So the answer is, yes, it takes as long, as it takes, but you will get there in the end, all things pass including this storm you are going through. Keep going and good luck.

[SquirrellyGirl]

 

Can it really take so long. So disheartening. Pushing myself to do things with tears behind eyes x

 

I have been thinking the same over the last few months , and I have scoured the internet looking for people that have come through and there are success stories, and i found a whole page of people that have come AD's and benzos, thats the good news, the bad news it can take a long time. So the answer is, yes, it takes as long, as it takes, but you will get there in the end, all things pass including this storm you are going through. Keep going and good luck.

 

 

Yes, it is true, it can take this long and longer.  As a mod I really hate telling people that up front as they begin their journey off, because it could frighten them into such despair...Unfortunately, that is how it can go for people who come off too fast or cold turkey.  You jumped from 25 mg so essentially a CT.  But, the good news is you've got 17 months behind you!

 

I have a friend on here who did a similar exit from escitalopram  and when I met her she was 11 months off and in a bad way.  She is now 28 months off and still doesn't feel she is through it, but she is 1000% better than she was when I first met her, especially emotionally.  So, I think the emotional grip of withdrawal lets up even if there may still be physical signs going on.  Her attitude was so improved that I knew she could handle what remained of WD.  The very fact that a drug could cause all this suffering for lack of it brings people to a place of taking great care of themselves, living as cleanly as possible, avoiding putting drugs into their bodies, etc.

 

I've also seen members who were doing really well by two years out but then get suddenly slammed by a big wave and thrown back into the despair, only to have it break and they bounce back.  WD recovery just doesn't make sense but we see it over and over here, so we know it can go that way.  The trick is to not succumb to the emotional despair, to recognize it's another wave that will pass.  It may help to recite a mantra to yourself:  "This is another withdrawal wave and it will pass."  Even if your brain doesn't want to listen at first, repeating a mantra over and over and trying to say it in a tone as if you are happy about it can actually shift your brain and leave you feeling better!

 

So hang in there, girl, and nurture yourself. Give yourself permission to be on the couch if needed, and give yourself a virtual hug, as if you are comforting a child who is hurting.  It helps :-)

 

SG

[joannatm]

You are so helpful and kind with what you saying. I'm just finding it all do very hard and tiresome. I get myself in a rut thinking I'm just going to be like this forever. I must either have GAD or bipolar or peri menopausal. I'm so fed up. Sorry doom and gloom here. Thank you again. I'll read it all and links x

[joannatm]

Well 19 months and still having waves and windows. I'm in a two week wave at mo. Mostly waking up anxious and negative decided to call doctor. Explained what happening and said don't want to go back on antidepresent. She said first thing is to do 24 hour urine test and blood tests. Hormone check. X

[joannatm]

Need some advice... I've been coping fairly well over past few months but every so often I get empty feelings negative feelings of not being here properly. I would say two three times a week for either few mins or hours.feeling guilty not giving full time to boys and not much love to hubby (don't feel interested in sex still bad). Anxiety only happens really slightly before and heavily after PMT much less than used to get. I feel I'm getting there but there's something bothering me and I can't put finger on. Like I'm just plodding along at times and feels like I'm waiting for something to lift. I can' explain but feel I'm almost there but not. does anyone else feel like this? Is it norm? Should I see doctor? especially when it's coming up to 2 years off sertraline.

 

I start full time legal secretary job in two weeks time. Excited as feel it will get me back on track but also feeling guilty leaving my boys after school clubs etc. But feel it will help me get back to me.

 

Jo x

[scallywag]

Joanna

 

You may find the posts in this discussion helpful:

 

Withdrawal or relapse?

 

Also, Neuro-emotions.

 

I think mothers questioning how much they give to their children is fairly common. Withdrawal might make it more intense or frequent.

 

And wanting the experiences of loving, being loved, being emotionally and physically intimate is healthy. Noticing when that feeling isn't present for you is healthy too.

 

There's a trap that we fall into, those of us who've been on these drugs for a while. We think that that lulls in emotions or motivation don't happen for the "normals" and that something is wrong with us. Could that be going on?

[joannatm]

I'm not sure because I do get lots of nearly norm days then these thoughts feelings come in. Mornings are always bad for me especially around pmt.

 

So it could well be the norm.

[scallywag]

Are you taking omega 3 fish oil? I've found it helpful for staying "on an even keel." We suggest taking about 3,000 mg of fish oil that has a high EPA & DHA content.

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil).

 

Some people find magnesium helpful for tension and anxiety.

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker.

 

Start with one or the other at a low dose. Then work your way up gradually to the full dose on the container.

 

Also, some women chart emotional and physical symptoms for a couple of months to see patterns. You've noticed one pattern, there may be others.

[joannatm]

Think pmt doesn't help. Went hormonal tests. Came back fine. Thought peri menopause as feel symptoms same and I'm 45 years ol. 4 sisters and mum went through it age 40 to 50. Today very tearful. X