nick1990: citalopram crap

[nick1990]

Hello all.

 

I have been following on this forum for the last couple of months on and off.

 

I have been on Citalopram for nearly 11 years. I am 25 years old now. 

 

Quick history. Always been a bit anxious. Even as a kid. Had severe migraines from age 4 till 10 , then they stopped

 

TOLD i had ADD. Put on ritalin at 7 years old for 2 weeks. ZOMBIE! taken off Ritalin. Love life and family and friends. Quite an emotional, caring individual.

 

FAST FORWARD....Aged 14 felt overly guilty and anxious over child hood life event. Went to doc, said i might have OCD. Put me on 60mg Citalopram. Didn't notice any difference in anything being on med. 

 

Aged 19 went cold turkey cause of OCD symptoms tried to change to another drug Mirtazapine. ANXIETY 10/10 and Panic attacks. Then back on to 60 MG after a few days after symptoms of withdrawal began. Stabilized i think within a few weeks bit still felt crap for a good while. 

 

Not 100% for next few years but ok. Can feel drug messing with me. Making me anxious for no reason. Have to keep active and busy and I'm ok. 

 

Slowly over 2 years went from 60mg to 45 mg . All good. Decide due to weird randomized anxiety, lack of tears etc that i want to come off these drugs, and i know i can. Anyway i then go from 45mg to 40mg and severe withdrawal within a week. Dropped from 50mg to 45mg within 5 weeks. Insanely nasty neuro-emotional symptoms. Only symptoms are ever really Anxiety and Panic.. Chuck in a bit of hopelessness and some depression on the side.. . . . Tend to feel better by evening almost normal .. just a bit dazed and confused.  Anyway i waited it out thinking it will go. Got some nice long windows of a week or more feeling almost good way clearer than I've felt in years, more alive, more real. Things feel better! things are more beautiful. Music sounds better. Everything is more beautiful But then BOOOOOMMMM!!! Anxiety back with a vengeance. 

 

Thought i noticed waves getting shorter and windows a bit longer but not significant enough to tell, and then after 10-11 weeks after my symptoms first appeared i updosed cause i needed a break. 

 

Updose felt WEIRD.. Within 4 hours of the extra 5mg i felt hazy, cloudy and drowsy.. Had insomnia that first night , still anxious but not as intense. Next couple days slightly better - Mild, consistent anxiety but not too bad. Manage to sleep well now.. Thought i had restabilized. Day 5 after updosing felt 95% back to normal. 

 

BUT last 3 days have been crap. Anxiety back. One week after updosing. Not AS INTENSE, hasn't got that razor sharp edge to it that it had before, but uncomfortable none the less. 

 

My question to anyone out there with this kind of experience is ... Would this anxiety be caused by the withdrawal still, or the updosing of the tablets? As I've read that increasing SSRI dose can cause anxiety for the first few weeks..  And can it take a while to re-stabilize after updosing?? considering i tried to tough out the withdrawal for nearly 3 months...

 

One more thing. No overly negative stories please. I believe and i know that i can heal from this. 

 

Kindest regards and thankyou for your responses

 

Nick

 

[tgirl]

Hey Nick,

 

Glad you found us.

 

Could you just take a minute to fill out your signature? One of the mods should be along to help you.

 

I think the anxiety you are feeling is triggered by both decresing and up dosing the drug. What's happening is your brain is in chaos and trying to fing homeostasis. This may take a while.

 

A mod should be along soon.

Welcome,

Tgirl

I am not a doctor.

[Nomoreheadmeds]

welcome 'nick90'

[brassmonkey]

Hi Nick--  welcome to the group.  Sorry to hear that you're having such trouble after starting out so well.  That's one of the problems with trying to get off of this stuff, it has a mind of its own and is very unpredictable.  It sounds like you are having WD symptoms catching up with you from earlier drops and dose changes.  Holding where you are and letting things settle out would be the best strategy ATM.  Here is some useful information for you to read;

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Tips for tapering off Celexa (citalopram)

 

Don't pay attention to the negative stories, you seem to be in a good place to be tapering.  Once we get the details worked out it will go a lot easier.

 

I can't tell from your post what dose you're on. would you please add a signature block with your history, it would really help us to help you.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

[KarenB]

Hello Nick,

 

Another Kiwi .  You are absolutely right - you are healing, and you'll get through all this.  You sound like a very strong person, and good at reading what's going on in your own body.

 

Anxiety can definitely be caused by both increasing and decreasing SSRIs.  I always get a spike of it when I make a drop in my medication, then it levels out again.  My favourite way to manage it is just by being with people who know what I'm going through - it's like I can hook into their groundedness or something.  You can also check out http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/ if you haven't already, for lots of ideas on dealing with anxiety etc.

 

It sounds like you're really well-placed to deal with this,

Hugs,

Karen

 

PS  If you want you can join the small NZ crew here at http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7803-new-zealand-members-please-check-in-here/

[nick1990]

Hello everyone . Kia Ora KarenB

 

 

thanks for the replies. Feels pretty good to have some communication with people who actually know what they're talking about. 

[SquirrellyGirl]

Welcome, Nick!  Glad you found the community early on in your journey!  Life might be very different (better!) for me now had I found this group before going off of venlafaxine last year!  You are in good hands!

[nick1990]

Hi there.

 

New here, have got a little intro about myself in the intro area

 

 

Basically dropped 20% of Citalopram in within 5 weeks (11 years of use). Bad/Severe anxiety/panic/agitation.

 

Thought i was getting better , (and in hindsight i think i was) but kept getting hit by really bad days of anxiety. Then clear for a bit then anxiety again. We're talking really intense anxiety/panic. 

 

After about 10-11 weeks into withdrawal i needed relief. I decided to reinstate 10%. With the plan of stabilising and then tapering much slower.  

 

Anyway - its been exactly 13 days since i reinstated, and from what I've read/been told this reinstating should alleviate the symptoms. 

 

First day was weird! cloudy/drowsy/tired. Insomnia. Second day still not feeling great. Then it gradually improved. by day 5 i was feeling pretty close to my normal self. relieved !!! But then on day 7 and 8 got anxious again. Not as intense as before reinstating i must say. But still not great... 

 

Agitation seems to have mostly gone. 

Still feeling cloudy and getting some ocd symptoms, still tearful at times. 

 

Then today i got hit by 7/10 anxiety. Not quite as bad as it had been , but pretty crap. 

 

So i guess my question is about reinstating. Basically i feel that i need to get myself stabilised before tapering further. I think i was expecting to feel back to normal over night haha. Being the hypochondriac that i am I'm now terrified that my anxiety isn't going to stabilise. Does it sometimes take a bit of time after reinstating for anxiety to be relieved? Im trying to be as positive as i can but I'm struggling at the moment.

 

Thanks in advance for your replies guys ,

 

Cheers, Nick. 

[Altostrata]

Nick, I merged your latest posts into this topic, where you can keep all your "what should I do?" questions in one place.

 

Read The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

[nick1990]

Great - Thank you Altostrata . 

 

Any insight would be greatly appreciated guys.

 

Best wishes

[tgirl]

Hey Nick,

 

How long we're you on the remeron and at what mg?

 

What mg. did you reinstate the cita? What are you on now?

 

 

Tgirl

[nick1990]

Hey T girl . 

 

Was on it for probably 10 days all up. That was in 2009 though. Cant remember how much. But i stabilised soon after coming off the remeron and going back to 60 mg citalopram. 

 

Im currently on 45mg citalopram. Upped from 40mg which is where i was having the sever withdrawals for 3 months. So I'm up to 45mg now as of 14 days ago and feeling pretty terrible with anxiety. Bad from about 11 o'clock/midday then eases at about 3-4 pm . Then feel almost fine . I just hope this anxiety isn't permanent cause i am extremely worried . 

[KarenB]

Hi Nick,

 

I'm on different drugs to you, but in my experience and from what I've read on here the anxiety will lighten up.  I've had times of awful anxiety due to Effexor and then tapering Effexor, but it has improved over these last 5 or so months.  Comes back every so often just to keep me in line, but I also still notice improvements - just yesterday I had counseling in town, but I missed the bus home.  Rang a few friends, no-one home.  I kept waiting for the anxiety to hit, but it didn't.  I knew I didn't have the energy to walk home, so I sat there for 10 mins till a friend drove by and pulled over.  I was okay, despite expecting to be a wreck.   

 

Because there are different things contributing to your anxiety - ie: you mentioned it had been with you to some degree for a long time; being on meds; tapering meds; needing to get your head around this whole situation; coping with regular day to day stuff... - then it might need a few different approaches in order to manage it.  Figuring out how to taper has been a major step in the right direction.  I find it helpful to go see my counselor when I'm struggling, so lately I've been there lots .  Do you have a counselor?  Some of it will just fade away along with the meds. 

 

I know it's frustrating, and really horrible to live with it, I just wanted to let you know that it will start to work out. 

 

Hugs,

Karen

[Gibby]

In the midst of anxiety, it always feels like it will be permanent, but it almost never is! You'll stabilize eventually : )

[nick1990]

Thanks for your reply's people KarenB i sort of have a counsellor who i have seen for a little while when struggling with everyday life problems. My mum is my best counsellor though - she understands all of my struggles as best she can. Its funny because although i was a bit of a hypochondriac in my pre-teens and through my teenage years - i never really had anxiety. I had issues with overthinking (diagnosed as OCD) Never really have had compulsions. Its funny in a way because this feeling is soooo foreign to me. Like this tense, scary anxiety. Im blessed in that i am not/do not really experience other symptoms during this withdrawal. I sleep well every night. (except for 1 night of insomnia when i up dosed). 

My windows don't seem to be 100% yet but they're probably up there in the 70-80% ish range.. I had one day last week that was 95% id say Ive had a couple of days of feeling almost normal. Do any of you tend to notice that your anxiety hits every 3 weeks? lasts for a few days and then go in to a bit of a window - 3 weeks later - BOOM! Hits about 11a.m-1pm lasts till 3 or 4 pm. My counsellor said that the body has a 3 week cycle and that i can expect this to happen every 3 weeks until this withdrawal eases up. He thinks that this up dose should bring me back to baseline - pre withdrawal. 15 days after up dosing i can't expect to feel right can i ? I think thats the whole thing, i expected for the updose to relieve my anxiety almost immediately - which i thought it had. until 3 days ago .. 

[nick1990]

Bump . Please

[Altostrata]

Read The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

[nick1990]

Hey everyone. Thanks for your replies  

Any way a bit of an update a couple of weeks since my last post. Also just so that i can keep a track of whats going on - for future reference. 

 

Almost 3 weeks since i up-dosed. Symptoms of intense anxiety have not arisen for 10-11 days  So i can function normally.  Can feel the effects of increasing dose. Tears feeling more suppressed. Having weird ( i think drug induced ) anxious/depressed moments. Hard to describe. But had noticed it over the last few years on the drug - popping up now and then for no reason. 

However i think the most significant difference I've felt since up dosing is the cloudy/ spaced out feeling in my head. Anyway, heres hoping that the intense anxiety is over but I'm not holding my breathe, just incase. 

 

So all in all, i have certainly noticed improvements in the withdrawal department over the past 2 weeks. Through your experiences have you noticed the cloudiness/ spaced out feeling subside as you reduce your dose? And how about the drug induced depression/anxiety/flatness? 

 

I have read a blog by a guy called "n.panth" and what he describes is that he had depression like clockwork when on the drug and as his dose went down he felt it slowly start to disappear. Felt his creativity increase and "brain fog" lift.  As if the drug itself was making him depressed and causing these horrible symptoms. 

 

What are your guys opinions on this ? 

 

Kindest Regards

[KLA324]

Hi Nick and welcome!

 

I am also on Citalopram (reinstatement) and can definitely relate to the cloudy/spaced out feeling in my head. I actually mentioned it to my doctor today and immediately followed it up with "I do NOT want to change medications" (since I knew that's what she would suggest). 

 

You seem to be doing great and I hope things continue improving. Just take things slow - there's no rush. 

 

Karen

[KarenB]

I have read a blog by a guy called "n.panth" and what he describes is that he had depression like clockwork when on the drug and as his dose went down he felt it slowly start to disappear. Felt his creativity increase and "brain fog" lift.  As if the drug itself was making him depressed and causing these horrible symptoms. 

 

What are your guys opinions on this ?

 

I had difficulties with depression most of my life, but nothing like how it got once I started SSRIs.  Drugs made my depression much more intense, and made it last for much longer stretches of time.  I also got anxiety attacks for the first time ever after I started SSRIs.  As far as I can tell they ramp up everything bad in your life.  Every now and then I catch a small glimpse of a happy, social me and I think 'wow, I'm not actually just a poor depressed sap after all...' 

 

It's so good to hear you are feeling a bit more functional.  Also looks like you have a good plan for stabilising then tapering gently - those holds are so important. 

 

Hope things continue to improve for you,

KarenB

[nick1990]

*post and replies moved from tapering forum

 

Couldn't find a place to post this question - But being the worrier that i am, i need to ask

 

If you taper a drug (SSRI) slowly , Is there less chance of PSSD? and does PSSD occur in most cases of people tapering off an SSRI. My sex life (As I'm sure with many others here) is one of the most important and valuable things in my life. I want to do all i can to minimise the risk of it being affected negatively during/after this process. As your dose slowly goes down does your libido increase ? 

 

I don't want to hear negative stories. Sorry  

 

Kindest Regards

 

Nick

Edited November 19, 2015 by Petunia
added note

[stone]

Hi Nick, I had never heard of PSSD and had to Google it, I am not as well educated about ADs as others here but can share my own experience. As you can see by my sig, I weaned from 20mg Citalopram to 1.5mg over a long time (but got the last part all wrong and have caused myself some major problems lately, leading to a reinstatement of a higher dose) and I did notice that as my dose decreased my libido increased. Also, the anorgasmia I had as a side-effect on higher doses has gone completely. So, all positive here.

[Altostrata]

nick, not much is known about what causes PSSD. Some people experience sexual dysfunction on the drugs and this continues after they quit. Some people have no sexual symptoms on the drug but develop PSSD when they quit.

 

A slow taper is a safer way to ease your nervous system from dependency on the drug. It should cause less disruption of all types, including sexual problems.

 

As stone said, many people who experience sexual dysfunction on the drug find it goes away when they reduce the drug.

[nick1990]

Hey everyone.

 

So its almost 5 weeks since up dosing for me. Severe anxiety/panic seems to have mostly dissipated now which is good. Its hard to see improvement but its happening.

I have however been feeling a strange depression/anxiousness since up dosing though. Is this likely to still be withdrawal? The reason i ask is because .....

 

Over the last 4-5 years on Citalopram i have had random depressive/anixous/ocd episodes which i never used to have. They were almost un-consolabe episodes that would come and go. Sometimes i would feel fine for months at a time, then out of the blue they would hit.

It seemed to have gotten worse over the last year or two. I thought it was just a condition getting worse and id try and ignore it, run away from it and take the drugs. Now I'm quite sure that those feelings were drug induced.  What are your guys thoughts on this? 

 

Im trying to figure out whether I'm ready to continue tapering. It has been 5 weeks since up dosing. I guess I'm not sure whether these feelings now (similar to i had when i was on the drug before tapering) are being caused by the updose or the withdrawal ? I certainly don't feel completely emotionally stable yet. But I'm wondering if i will even with time, as i never felt 100% stable over the last few years on the drug. Im certainly confused haha.. 

 

Insight and advice would be most appreciated ,

 

Nick. 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Nick,

 

Here is link to Stabilizing  that might help.

 

Not sure if you are familiar with neuroplasticity/brain retraining.  Don't know if it is specifically helpful for your question, but might come in handy.  Link

 

Also, this is a PDF of AD WD (Daily) List of Symptoms and an Excel Spreadsheet List of Symptoms for the month from the Topic: Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

These might be helpful.

 

CC

[KarenB]

Hello Nick,

 

In my experience the drugs do cause increased anxiety and depression - both while taking them and as a withdrawal symptom.  I never had a panic attack till I was on SSRIs.  It could well be that it was your drugs causing those symptoms.  ChessieCat has a good idea about tracking your symptoms - it makes it so much easier to spot patterns and to have something concrete to look at to help pin-point when to being further tapering.

 

For myself, I like to have a month of feeling pretty good and with only minimal symptoms before I taper.  These holds are like insurance - the more you hold the better things will likely be on the next taper.  But it's always a balancing act if you are still feeling adverse reactions to the drugs.  I think if I were in your situation I'd try to hold a bit longer, and try to encourage patience with the thought that healing is happening.  After reinstating it's usually recommended to wait a good length of time, otherwise all the up-and-downing can really destabilise you.  

 

Do you think you can find ways to manage things while you hold a bit longer?  You may not reach a place of feeling completely stable, but it sounds like there is room for improvement yet. 

 

Your system is clearly quite sensitised by and to these drugs.  I had to start my tapering from a similar place (I was having adverse reactions to Effexor) and I found that smaller cuts were needed.   

 

Well, that's just my thoughts - there are much more experienced people on here than me.

 

Hope you find some clarity soon,

KarenB

[nick1990]

Thank you for your replies both KarenB and ChessieCat.

 

It looks as though i spoke too soon as i today had a bit of a panic/anxious attack. Not nearly as intense as earlier in the process but it still happened.  It has put me in a BAD headspace now. Clearly i am still in withdrawal . Its hard to see progress right now as everything feels hopeless but i know its just a wave. I think my main problem is that i am expecting the withdrawal symptoms to clear up 100% really quickly. Its hard to look back on but when i was at my worst point in WD it was horrrrific. Like disabling anxiety and panic. It has been 4 weeks since i had one of those "Really Bad" panics. 

I read on Npanth's blog that it took him 4 months to feel stable after re-instating. I know i will get better, i just find it really hard to see during a wave :/ 

[nick1990]

today was bad again. panic/anxiety/crying/hopelessness. Im really feeling quite distraught. I had not had a bad wave of panic/anxiety for 4 weeks. I feel as though i have built all of these blocks over the last month and now they have all been destroyed. What do i do? Its been 5 weeks since updosing. I noticed an improvement in things but these last 2 days have been gnarly! Is it possible that I still need to wait for the updose to take full effect? 

 

Please and thank you so much for your replies . 

[LexAnger]

Hi Nick,

 

4 weeks is not long enough for this super slow process giving how complicated our system is. I am still in the middle of stabilizing from My recent hit by decreasing <1% 2 months ago. I do see tiny inconsistent improvement here and there after Up dose by adding the 0.025mg back about 3 weeks ago. It is a very slow and zigzag process but I do feel my brain is working toward the better. So be patient, you will see the good effect of stabilizing. I remember reading someone saying, that no matter what, don't do anything to fix the symptoms, just hold and wait, and try not to focus on the symptoms, just get through each day as you did, someday soon, you will find you feel much better.

[nick1990]

Thanks LexAnger Had another bad day today. Had work. Im a Barista. Its dead quiet there all week and i nearly lose my mind. Over think everything for 6 hours. Then come the weekends and it is panic stations. Busy all day and stressed out staff. Today i felt anxious. Not panic really but really unpleasant. I feel VERY confused about everything at the moment. The weather is improving here and i want to be doing what i normally do but i am feeling held back. I still am sleeping very well. If i have had an anxious/panic day, then I'm exhausted. 

I just feel so let down and disappointed that i have had a bad attack of anxiety after 4 months of dropping 20% of cit. 5 weeks after updosing 10% i thought i was stabilizing but this episode has made me feel hopeless. 

[LexAnger]

It is very hard to go through every minute with these incredible suffering. But we have no other options except for being strong and patient. Thankfully we have each other here understanding and being company. When I lose hope, I try to read those successful stories to gain faith and encouragement. It really helps. Also, try not to think whatever ahead, just go one day at a time.

[KarenB]

Hi Nick,

 

Just wanted to let you know I'm feeling for you with that latest anxiety plus work etc.  You are holding a lot together.  Glad you are sleeping well though - that's a huge bonus. 

 

If you look at your overall situation, I think you are stabilising, but have just had a wave where the anxiety ramped up again.  I know - I get gutted when something feels like I've gone backwards too.  But it's just a wave - you still have come a long way and have not lost all that ground.  The wave will pass and you'll get another window. 

 

I think you must be very strong, managing work during w/d.  Have you got some good self-care things in place?

 

KarenB

[nick1990]

Thanks you lot. I appreciate the replies , i really do. Today was a bit better Just tension in my jaw and head which is annoying but its fully livable and it passes. So the idea of waves and windows is that windows get longer and better and waves get shorter and less intense until they're gone? Is that the idea? and then once the waves have "gone" you have stabilized? It seems that other than this surreal feeling that i have gone through this hell and the slight cloudy feeling in my head the windows are pretty good.

[KarenB]

That's really positive Nick.  Jaw tension is very common in w/d - I have it too.  There's helpful short vids on you-tube that show exercises for relaxing it.  Mine has eased heaps since I started them.

 

And yes, that is how windows and waves work.  There's a thread for that somewhere on here if you want to see how it's gone for other people.  And you probably know by now the things that makes waves worse, so that will help too.

 

Good to hear you feeling a bit better,

KarenB

[nick1990]

Would be great to have a look at that thread KarenB . I am really grateful for your replies Karen. I would love to be of more help to you but have not the experience of most other people on this forum. I guess for me thats kind of a good thing . 

 

I just wanted to add a little bit about my life prior to my withdrawal experience and now during it. 

 

To be honest, not much has changed, other than going through hell and being far more aware of the effects of these drugs. 

I am an active outdoor enthusiast and nature addict. I love all animals and adopted a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle close to 5 years ago. I studied for 3 years to become a qualified outdoor recreation instructor. During that time i lived mostly with my then Girlfriend of 4 years. Who now lives in Melbourne. I still love her. And i believe the feeling flows both ways. 

 

I am also a qualified surf instructor . Surfing is my life and has been for the last 10 years. (Basically since i began Citalopram - coincidentally)... 

 

I have an amazing group of friends and we have all traveled around the country together and overseas to Indonesia, Tonga and Samoa to surf and have a good time. Traveling is my other great passion. Meeting new people and experiencing different cultures . I just thrive on it! 

 

I moved from NZ to the Gold Coast in sunny Queensland at the end of March this year with a good friend. I surfed there every day. Worked at a warehouse and 3 separate surf schools. Me and my good friend lived together and partied and surfed together . Plus its sunny ever day in winter Life was pretty good. 

Then sitting on the couch one night i read an article about the side effects of these drugs. Of coarse i immediately decided i want out and so started this too fast taper.

Luckily i flew to Fiji 4 days after reducing 20% of my Cit dose to meet my family. I have 2 younger brothers and a mother and father. Within 2 days of being there i experienced 10/10 hell. Plus being stuck in a 3rd world country away from medical doctors and limited internet i was in panic mode. I then came back to NZ for a week to let the WD pass hahahaha and then went back to the GC, Within two days i was home. Left my job in the GC, My friend, My Moped My friend fully understands and we are no less close than we were prior to all of this. It did really upset me though. 

 

Once getting home it took me about 3 weeks until the daily panic attacks subsided and was able to begin surfing again. I was and still am determined to not let WD get in the way of my every day life.  . . . Fast forward 8 weeks and still getting panic/anxiety attacks every now and then. Expected it to have subsided after the 3 month point so updosed 10% expecting all of this to go away. Immediate fog in my head. Tired. 

 

Now, close to 6 weeks after updosing, here i am. I feel relatively logical and clear during my windows. The intense waves have become less frequent (They're still pretty intense though) I also have less brain fog. I see my friends most days. I am able to go running (Ive never been a good distance runner), i am able to surf for 5 hours straight. I have been out clubbing numerous times since this started (I don't drink).  I sleep well, have a decent libido and a good appetite. I am moving out from my parents house in 2 weeks . YAY! I get frustrated with them when i spend to much time here, I don't think thats really part of WD though. Ive always got kind of frustrated being at home. I don't like being at home but when i have a bad wave of anxiety there is no where else id rather be than with my Mum. It makes me feel so weak. I am in fear of my next wave.  I just want to continue on the path that i took so long to build. 

 

I get incredibly upset and teary because i feel that i can no longer travel until i am entirely off this citalopram ****. My friends are still traveling and my best mate of all time is leaving to the USA in 2 weeks. He will be there for about 1 year, and i had planned around going over and spending some time with him there as he gets down the coast toward San Diego and Mexico. NZ winter is depressing. There is no surf. It is cold and windy 24/7 and rainy. Everyone sort of hibernates and i hate it. Im over it. These winter escapes have always been essential for my mental and physical well being. and the thought of not being able to do so, due to this anxiety - well it really, realllllly brings me down. 

 

I know that there are no quick and easy answers to this game, but what are your thoughts on this? I feel that these panic/anxious waves won't go. Or atleast won't go for years (After reading all these terrible stories). Once i do stabilize and begin a slowwwww taper to absolutely minimize withdrawal symptoms do you think it may be possible to continue on the path that i want to pursue? The path of travel, love, nature and freedom... 

 

Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond to my posts. I know wholeheartedly that most individuals on this forum are in a worse state than i, and your attention should certainly be more directed toward them, but i really do appreciate the comfort and reassurance that you all bring to me. 

 

Kindest warmest hugs to you all. 

[nick1990]

Could it be that a stressful, negative work environment with boring people is extending my withdrawal and not allowing me to heal fully ?