nick1990: citalopram crap

[nick1990]

Well it has been quite a challenging few days. The neuro OCD symptoms are being a serious pain. Physically I'm fine. Other than fatigued at times. The mental side of this wave is as frikn frustrating as anything I've experienced. It is NOT FUN! 

 

I don't want to bore us all with the symptoms, as thats all they are. Just boring old symptoms. 

It really is hard to genuinely enjoy myself at the moment when in these waves. I know that this will pass with time, but grrrr it just makes me so angry. Im trying not to let the neuro emotions upset  me, but sometimes after hours of battling with them i just feel like crying. 

Some days and some hours i feel ok. No apparent sign of WD, but other moments, i do feel quite bad, emotionally and mentally.

 

I guess I'm after some reassurance - Have i done something wrong here? I don't have WD symptoms anywhere near what some people are going through ... But should i have thought about up dosing straight after they appeared? Im in week 14 of this wave haha... Its been so up and down, and although when symptoms first hit they were more intense, id have a week or two of feeling fine after, and then they became more frequent about 1 month on. Now the intensity has eased quite a lot but the consistency has increased. Ill have a few days of feeling fine, then 4-5 days of feeling lousy. But there isn't a definite pattern, thats for sure. 

The occasional burst of tinnitus hasn't shown up for weeks now, neither has the foot pain, the eye twitches have eased to a level that they're pretty much non existent.

But this neuro stuff is still here and more consistent, though less intense than the depression i had a month ago. Its not as overwhelming. Hoping this is all signs that my brain is healing and that ill reach a nice level of WD normal as i have been experiencing for the last year  

 

[nick1990]

WD wise, symptoms have lessened in intensity. Had the last few days feeling pretty much normal. But back in a little wave today, woke with a headache and been a bit grumpy and anxious and sad all at once. Been a busy last 5 days which is what I think has caused it. Anyway, I should note that my beloved family dog of 15 years was put down on Tuesday. I was ok with it , I knew it was for the best and I was sad , but not emotional and tearful like the rest of my family . Today though, after returning back to my family house for the first time after he was put down , I was overcome with a real sadness and exploded into tears in front of mum . 

 

Its a a tough time of year this , with all the chaos going on all around and social gatherings etc that we put up with because it’s the social norm.. plus I’m in a wave and my dogs gone, I know I’ll come out of it and come to terms , but it’s just quite hard. 

 

Anyway, enjoy your Xmas break everyone and be well .

 

Nick.

[ChessieCat]

50 minutes ago, nick1990 said:

Been a busy last 5 days which is what I think has caused it. Anyway, I should note that my beloved family dog of 15 years was put down on Tuesday.

 

Yes that can definitely cause the symptoms to worsen.  I'm sorry to hear about your dog.  I had to go through it 2.5 years ago.  And my cat is now 20 years old and I go through times when I wonder how I will feel when she is gone because I will then be all by myself with nobody or no pet to talk to.  It's okay to feel sad and get upset.  It is perfectly normal.  The way I look at it, we get upset because we loved them.  Allow yourself to grieve.  If you don't allow yourself to do it now, it may come back to bite you later on.  When I was about 26 and before ADs I cried all night when my budgie (budgerigar) died.

[nick1990]

It has been weird not having the dog around. I’m getting there though .

 

Whether due to life stressors or just plain WD I have been hit by a quite nasty wave again. Not as bad as a couple of months ago, but different. Moderate anxiety mostly and crying a lot to mum. Feelings of hopelessness and some panic mixed in. 

 

So bizzare how this process really. Feeling back to myself for a few days then boom

the neuro emotions attack. 

Im learning to accept it for what it is, but still in the back of my mind is this real hope that stability isn’t too far off.

 

Ive realised that during these waves, I tend to think and feel like I’m back to square one, like the wave signifies I have a long way to stability . 

 

I know now deep down that is not necessarily the case. 

But my god I am so tired of this already . 

 

The process i undertook with tapering has somehow had an effect on me. I was under the impression that a slow, gradual taper would minimise WD symptoms.

 

Sorry for the downbeat post again - it’s just a lonely situation I’m finding myself in , and I just want to hear from some of you that’s all. 

 

Even though im mostly functional and ok most of the time, these symptoms haven’t shown much sign of letting up . Why is it lasting so long ? After such a gradual taper ? 

[ChessieCat]

Battle fatigue.  Not the real war type of thing, but the fighting to stay alive and functional.  Does it help if you can give it a name?

 

I think too that sometimes members get to the stage where they are starting to feel guilty about how their situation is affecting the people around them.  They may not realise that they are but it's something that I think most people do.  But think of it this way, if it was the other way around and someone close to you was unwell for a long period of time you would expect them to look after themselves and try not to worry about how it affects others.

 

Just a couple of my thoughts.

[nick1990]

Thanks Chessie. I think that is partially the case , I don’t mind it taking time and going through this necessary process, but this wave has been a weird one , it’s incorporated a fair bit of depression and isolation sensations.

 

I should note here , and a moderator might be able to help , just before my anxiety came on today, I consumed a large amount of beef bone broth. Which I’ve never had before . It wasn’t my cup of tea at all but thought it would be fine to have. Anyway, I just read this , and was wondering what your thoughts are on it,

 

”Many, many people—including the vast number of children in our country with nervous system disorders such as ADD, ADHD, and Autism Spectrum Disorders—should not be drinking long cooked Bone Broth.” 

 

Its an article discussing the high glutamate content in slow simmered beef brothers it’s effect on the nervous system ! 

 

Could this have  increased anxiety potentially???

[jozeff]

Hi Nick,

 

I'm so sorry about your dog! My condolences man. Be thankful for the joy he/she brought you.

 

A dog can be so intense and completely part of a family. I wish you strength.

 

I'll read your other posts later, just found out about your dog and now I have to get to work.

 

Keep your head straight and cheers

Jozeff

 

[nick1990]

Alright guys, I really need help - I’m in a pretty intense wave right now , the symptoms have definitely ramped up since  the last wave. I’d say moderate 6/10 + anxiety. The waves are coming and going. Feeling anxious and depressed then fine for a minute or two. Then again feeling horrendous. 

Im accepting it but it’s very very difficult today. 

 

Im not one to make drastic changes when symptoms turn up, but this anxiety is quite hard to deal with. 

 

To have this wave ramp up like this , is that expected? Or is it concerning that the intensity has increased after 20 weeks of on and off mild symptoms? 

 

I need some help guys , please . 

[jozeff]

Hi Nick,

 

Yes I'm affraid that it's pretty "normal" in WD that you have this terrible wave right now. That's what I read everywhere.

 

You've been on the same days since September 22nd is that correct?

 

I have been on the same dose since August 14th and I'm still having these wavy days or weeks. Sometimes I think I'm completely stable and perfectly fine, next Day I feel terrible and have suicidal thoughts but these always fade  away fortunately.

 

Thing is that if you are in such a strong wave it feels like it's never going to end. Your brain tells you that this will be forever. I experienced this myself quite often. 

 

You really have to be strong you have come such a long way. You hit a few bumps in the road and this may appear devastating to you. You might also be disappointed because your taper went so well.

 

What I have learnt here so far is that healing from these medications is really a journey of ups and downs. When you experience some horrible days you get scared because you think your healing has ended. This will not be the case.  

 

Your healing will continue but you have to be patient right now! You will get there!

 

Jozeff

 

 

[ChessieCat]

It's Christmas time.  Many members are feeling extra stress because of the time of year and the high expectations they place on themselves and that others place on them.

 

I've not gone to any Christmas parties or even the church Christmas carol night, simply because of the overload it would cause me.  My daughter, who is an introvert, and I are going on a picnic for Christmas lunch today.  We are hoping to find a pleasant and quiet spot.  We've got a few different places in mind and if one is busy we will move on to see what the next one is like.

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, even if we don't feel like it - fake it till we make it!

[nick1990]

Yeh, I’ve stayed at 22mg since September Jozeff. 

 

Im hoping that this wave has been caused by just external factors and that this really is just a wave.

 

its hard to explain guys, but the terror that I feel during these intense waves of anxiety is super tough to deal with .

 

i guess I need to ask , is there any reason to believe that this anxiety and panic should last a long time ? As in months ? 

 

The real fear I have is that I haven’t felt anxiety and panic like this for more than a few minutes in a good 2-3 years since I crashed. And then the anxiety lasted close to a year..

 

I feel tired and wiped out , sleepy and no minimal appetite.

 

officially the worst Christmas I’ve ever had. Hands down . 

 

Mods, should I be considering updosing a little ? 

Or is it my anxiety speaking ? 

Merry Christmas to all . 

 

[Tom37]

Hi Nick,

 

Sorry to hear your struggling at the moment. I’m in NZ as well and was hoping Xmas day would be a better day but not to be.

 

Im lucky that I don’t really get any physical anxiety when in waves although I do have to use cbt to challenge my own thoughts about this never ending etc. But I know the physical anxiety sensations from either the drug or withdrawal are horrible to deal with so I feel for you.

 

Im currently holding my dose (an updose) after a crash that was bad seven weeks ago and while I have had windows were felt almost normal lasting a week or so still getting these waves and although seem to be less severe still make life difficult at times.

 

I wish I could give you some advice on what to do with your dose but Im not as experienced as some on here although if feeling like typical wd symptoms I would continue to hold. Have seen members here take 6 months or longer to really stabilise after a crash or up dose.

 

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day for you and being fed up, tired, upset and angry about this situation is perfectly natural at times so don’t be hard on yourself if you are.

 

 

 

 

[bubble]

Hello Nick. Very sorry to hear you are struggling with this wave. I firmly believe it will pass without changing the dose.

 

What I read most of all is fear. Fear of worst period of life and worst fear replaying itself. When I was struggling similarly Shep wrote to me how I could use this period to get stronger spirirually, turn mud into lotus.

 

This somehow lead me to Tara Brach. Her talks on dealing with fear, radical acceptance and how not to add suffering to pain we are going through helped me tremendously. It might not be your cup of tea but even her voice has such a soothing effect on me.

 

Hope this wave passes soon.

 

 

[nick1990]

That video was amazing thank you so much bubble.

I only watched half of it as had a date this afternoon , but it was great so far. Look forward to seeing the rest of it.

 

Today was a much better day. Some minor anxious thinking and a brief 5 mins of minor anxiety but other than that and some slight eye twitches and tiredness I’ve been fine and functional . 

[bubble]

Very happy to hear that! There's nothing more empowering than having your symptoms clearing WITHOUT adjusting the drug. That's so liberating. You might still be having ups and downs but things will settle.

 

I was feeling so desperate at the time I started listening to Tara Brach - stuck in the middle of a so far 5 year taper and having my functionality even more diminished. Shep just lifted me up by saying we can see this period as time of building spiritual muscles rather than time when we are deteriorating and approaching realization of our worst fears. The idea that we can be happy no matter what by accepting things regardless of how bad they are was so game changing for me. I'm so happy to hear it resonated with you too. She has a lot of videos and all the topics are so relevant for us going through WD.

 

Hope for more windows for you! 

[nick1990]

Hi all,

 

last few days haven’t been too bad at all. Im very functional and although ocd thoughts and a little anxious thinking are coming and going , I can mostly carry on my day as per usual . I’m trying to be incredibly mindful of the thoughts and feelings and knowing that they’re not the “real me” . It’s challenging but also very freeing . 

New year period now, seeing friends that I haven’t for a while , lots going on . Trying to remain as settled as possible . Have pitched a tent down the end of the property by the beach to have my own quite space while people come and go in the house . Am eating very well , juicing and just trying to be very positive overall and not delve into anxious thoughts as they’re not real and just a symptom of WD and often come after a wave of anxiety. 

But overall, much, much better than I was feeling 4 days ago. 

Hoping that this is just more healing going on and will soon be back to my baseline .

 

[bubble]

Great!

 

I love the idea of the tent! You have a lot of self-care and coping strategies in place. This experience can also serve as a reminder when you are in the thick of things how quickly you can turn the corner and things get better WITHOUT adjusting the drug. Rather turn to some other soothing methods I think we have a lot to learn from Tara Brach. I flew into a rage the other day and sought refuge in one of the talks on how it is our believes that cause us suffering. I feel like I can learn and improve my functioning and emotional responses to help with WD but also my general functioning.

 

Keep on taking such good care of yourself, give your CNS a little break from tapering and a happy New Year

 

Now I also just remembered to add why I'm not fond of frequent cuts even if they are tiny: as we all know, WD symptoms are delayed. Sometimes mine appear 14 days after the cut. It means I feel very well for 14 days and it would be easy to make another cut and then I would end up with a cumulative effect that would snow ball me really badly. So my strategy is not to make a cut before I have experienced (and ridden through) the WD from the previous cut. This might be something to consider once you get to planning your way forward and based on this experience.

[Tom37]

Glad you have been having a better few days and hopefully back to baseline soon.

 

Good plan on the tent to allow you some time alone if needed. I’m sure everyone would understand if you do need to be alone and always do what is right for you first.

 

Just don’t over do it the next few days as don’t want to set yourself back.

 

Keeo challenging those unhelpful thinking habits that are part of the vicious circle of anxiety. Avoidance is huge too as avoiding only reinforces the anxiety but needs to be done sensibly as dont want to set yourself up for failure.

 

Everyone’s anxiety triggers are different though and you seem to be doing good with managing yours. Keep it up.

 

 

[nick1990]

Happy 2019 all!

 

Been a very busy week or so.

I’ve almost been feeling back to WD normal for the last week now ! Only very, very minor symptoms but other than that been well. A little fatigued and tired but that’s very situational. 

 

All the best

Nick. 

[eymen23]

33 minutes ago, nick1990 said:

Happy 2019 all!

 

Been a very busy week or so.

I’ve almost been feeling back to WD normal for the last week now ! Only very, very minor symptoms but other than that been well. A little fatigued and tired but that’s very situational. 

 

All the best

Nick. 

 

Great news Nick! I read your story here the other day and am routing for you! Goes to show that the bad times can/do pass. 

[jozeff]

Hi Nick,

 

Great to hear you are doing a bit better! Happy 2019 for you!!

 

Are you still stabilizing at 22 mg citalopram? 

 

I hope you will feel stable for some time and that you can coninue your taper succesfully!

 

Im still at 18 mg citalopram since august 14th and not feeling stable but not doing too bad either. I still wait for the magic moment I wake up in peace

 

I wish you the best and sending you good luck from the Netherlands!!

 

 

jozeff

 

[nick1990]

Hi all , little update after the busy period.

 

I knew it would be and it certainly HAS been a very busy 2 weeks. I have been feeling relatively well , other than the odd OCD type thoughts. 

 

Unfortunately  I have been hit with a bit of a wave now , and I am having some minor anxiety . 

I have surfed for 7 days straight , had ALOT of sun, been sleeping and eating at different times and to top it all off, spent 5 days with my beautiful ex girlfriend.

I see her every year when she comes home for a couple of weeks. We’re both still in love with each other and every year we go through the emotional turmoil of saying goodbye again.

Even though we currently live in different countries, we might see if we can make it work.

Hence , since returning home a couple of days ago I’ve been feeling sad. It comes and goes and I know it’s real but there’s also a WD element to it .

 

The anxiety that hit last night and is here today is making things uncomfortable, but fortunately it’s quite mild and I know that my exhaustion, being mental, emotional and physical are playing a big role in the presence of this wave.

 

Taking it easy today, letting the feelings pass without latching on to them . 

 

Cheers,

Nick.

 

[brassmonkey]

Monica and I are living proof that "long distance relationships" can work out.  It's a matter of deciding to make the relationship work and doing what is needed to make it happen. If the feelings are there and both parties want it to happen, the rest is logistics. 

[nick1990]

Thanks Tom - hope your travels are treating you well. 

 

This wave has been quite tough, again only mild to maybe moderate at times - All neuro emotion stuff. Anxious feelings mostly and some teariness. 

Im using my non drug coping techniques to get through it and i know it will pass, and is likely a result from my over exertion. I don't have the same level of anxiety and panic that i did during the christmas period, so thats a good thing and I've had a pretty good 2 weeks of feeling almost normal. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[nick1990]

Although this wave hasn’t been easy with the anxiety element (it never is easy) , I’m somehow seeing it more for what it is and as a temporary hiccup. 

 

In the last few weeks and months, although I’ve had some waves at times, I have begun to feel more real again. It’s hard to pin point, but I’m feeling a deeper sense of connection to people - like more caring and loving toward others. Plus I am enjoying being around others , it’s just a nice feeling.!

 

I do feel like I’m starting to wake up from this drugged haze which I’ve been under for so many years . It’s overwhelming sometimes, but I get through it. The waves make it harder to deal with but they are becoming less intense and less frequent now , so I know I’m on the right path. 

[bhasski]

1 hour ago, nick1990 said:

Although this wave hasn’t been easy with the anxiety element (it never is easy) , I’m somehow seeing it more for what it is and as a temporary hiccup. 

 

In the last few weeks and months, although I’ve had some waves at times, I have begun to feel more real again. It’s hard to pin point, but I’m feeling a deeper sense of connection to people - like more caring and loving toward others. Plus I am enjoying being around others , it’s just a nice feeling.!

 

I do feel like I’m starting to wake up from this drugged haze which I’ve been under for so many years . It’s overwhelming sometimes, but I get through it. The waves make it harder to deal with but they are becoming less intense and less frequent now , so I know I’m on the right path. 

 

Feeling Great and hopeful to hear it.

 

Best wishes.

 

[Tom37]

Starting to feel emotions again while tapering definitely can be overwhelming.

 

I didn’t realise how numb I was until I got down to around 6mg and then the lights starting coming on. I think holding dose to deal with these new emotions is also wise not just because of wd symptoms. Not as easy as you expect it to be.

 

Keep at it.

[nick1990]

The minor anxiety and tearfulness from a few days ago has lessened but still feeling a little off. Definitely nothing I haven’t dealt with before. 

 

I ended up going on an impromptu trip for a couple of days with my parents and one of my brothers. Even though I wasn’t feeling 100%,  I still had a lovely time away and had some great moments of clarity and calm. 

 

Im definitely on a healing path , the waves sometimes make it seem like I’m not getting anywhere but I’m learning to address and deal with things which I haven’t been able to do before - it’s hard to explain . But I think it’s due to being on such a reduced dose from my original 60mg. I’m on just over 1/3 of what I was on originally. It feels like im starting to have more emotional understanding or something. And being under the influence of such a high dose didn’t allow me to deal with lots of things. Now, with waves of anxiety popping up now and then, it can feel scary at times but I know they’re not me and just a temporary thing which will soon pass. 

Even though I’m still not feeling 100% when not in a wave, I can notice that the waves are just waves and I’m confident with some time I’ll be in a better, more understanding and content place than I was before any of this WD stuff began . In fact it’s already happening. 

 

As for the waves themselves, it’s hard to notice a real pattern. I tend to feel pretty ok for a week or two then get hit by a day or two of anxiety, which then eases off - however mostly all of my waves have followed a period of over doing things, physically and/or emotionally.

 

Foot pain and eye twitches have reduced to almost nothing , but can notice it a little when in a wave or when exhausted. 

Having the odd headache but that could be totally unrelated.

 

Am definitely sleeping well, and having some periods of dreaming. But generally getting 8-10 hours sleep a night. 

 

Have a generic switch to do before my current tablets expire which is May 2019. 

 

Thinking I’ll wait until March and should hopefully have settled mostly by then.

Plan on doing an 8 week switch over to the new generic before the old generic expires.

 

 

[brassmonkey]

Nick-- now that is the type of post I love to see.  It shows all the positive signs of taper that is working and a person making the adjustment required to make things a success.  Getting to the 20mg area is quite an accomplishment.  It is also starting to move you into a totally new area of tapering.  If you can find the SERT charts, they're around there somewhere, you will see that the number of receptors coming back on line is going to start to increase faster and faster with each drop.  This could make for an increase in symptoms, which I think you are starting to see with your window and wave pattern. It's great that you've developed the mental outlook and awareness to keep things in perspective and have a plan of attack for the future.

 

Why taper paper: dose-occupancy curves

 

With more and more receptors starting to work there will be a slow increase in mental clarity, ability to do things and adapt to situations.  It can also drag up a lot of things from your past some true, some false and some that never even happened and magnify the heck out of them.  This is a variation on the wave theory, and can be handled by remembering about spiral thinking and neuroemotions.  With practice these types of thoughts respond very well to AAF and CBT.  For recurring baggage from the past I got to the point where I would say "I've been through this all before, thought it through and accepted my conclusion, there is no need to do it all again".  I would follow up with changing the channel and some distraction and the thoughts would leave me alone. In the beginning the trick is to recognize the spiral before it can get a foot hold.  That takes some vigilance, practice and having to go through several spirals but pretty soon some patterns and triggers will show themselves and you can get down to work.

 

This will also provide a good time for some self reflection.  With all the c--- being dragged up it will provide ample opportunities to review your beliefs, goals and aspirations and help set a new course for the future.  The nice thing is a persons core beliefs are still there, your attitudes to right and wrong and the like.  They still need to be reviewed, but probably won't change much.  A personal review is something that a lot of people have trouble with while in ADWD, but it is a very important part of the healing process.  We all went on these drugs for a reason, we need to make sure that the reason is resolved by the time we get off of them.  Too many people can't wait to get back to the person they were before, which is a big mistake.  Even without the drugs a person is going to have changed over the same period of time, so there is no way possible to go back.  But we have been given the opportunity for a second chance to rebuild ourselves into the person we are meant to be, we just need to fine who that is and make it possible.

 

Edited January 12, 2019 by ChessieCat
added link

[ChessieCat]

42 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

If you can find the SERT charts,

 

Why taper paper: dose-occupancy curves

[nick1990]

Thanks so much for your response BrassMonkey, what you say makes so much sense !!!

 

I sent the following to a friend in a private message but wanted to share it here too:

 

Im having a pretty tough time today and wanted to ask you a couple of things.

 

I know that no one knows the answers to when we’ll feel better and all that stuff, but I’m feeling quite lost right now.

 

After a slow slide down to 22mg I was hit with some panic and ever since then , which was early September, I’ve had on and off waves and windows. So it’s been about 4 months now. 

 

The waves have varied quite a bit , they started off relatively minor and inconsistent , starting with sharp pains in my feet, consistent eye twitches and muscle tics, and after about 1 month they eased.  Then came feelings of depression with tearfulness as well as anger and all round emotional sensitivity. However Iwould have a couple of weeks with no waves and feeling ok. Not great but not bad either. 

Toward late November I thought I was stabilising but then got hit with a couple of bad waves on and off up until mid December. Christmas Eve and Christmas Daywas the most intense anxiety I’d had since my crash in 2015/2016. It wasn’t nice, but passed and even though I felt a bit off, the following 10 days - 2 weeks was pretty good . Thought I was in the clear.

 

Anyway, about 5 days ago I had a minor panic attack late one night at a dinner at a friends house. 

Since then I’ve had some moments of mild/moderate anxiety ( not as bad as the Xmas wave though) and acouple of days in between where I’ve felt quite good. 

Thinking this wave was over I was hit yesterday with mild anxiety and clouded thinking and today have been in a pretty depressed state. 

 

I know that this will pass too , but I’m also dealing with deep seeded OCD thoughts about my past, which hasbeen a hallmark symptom of WD as well as what I believe was drug tolerance. 

 

Im finding during the waves, the anxious OCD style thoughts and feelings associated try to take hold of me, however I’m learning to deal with it in a more productive manner (AAF) and although it’s challenging and tiring, it’s slowly beginning to help.

 

During the windows the AAF works so well, and I’m feeling moments of calm and clarity. But then am getting hit by waves again . It’s very discouraging and hard to deal with .

 

I guess I needed to vent, but also I want to ask you what your thoughts are on my situation in regards to the wave /window pattern.

As I’ve tapered slower than recommend (between 3-6% a month depending on immediate symptoms from a drop) how is it that I’m in the wave/window pattern now? I would normally return to my baseline (which was quite a positive one) a couple of weeks after each drop , and I expected that with the slow tapering that this is how my taper would continue. Drop, hold 1-2 weeks, have some minor symptoms then drop again once symptoms have gone. 

 

Thats pretty much what I did and somehow I’ve endedup having a small crash which isn’t showing much sign of letting up. 

What are your thoughts on this situation ?Should I be seeing this ease off soonish?

[nick1990]

Hi all, I’m in need of some help.

 

im now a week into this wave, not as intense in anxiety as before but longer lasting and literally feeling depressed, anxious and fearful all day long, keep having mini meltdowns to Mum. Crying over everything.  Easing a little in the evening. I wake up fearful of the day ahead.

My OCD is quite bad and I feel so ashamed of my past , even though it’s not real, I know deep down it’s chemical and just because of the wave and will pass , it’s one heck of a struggle.

 

Theres nothing to do other than wait this out right? 

I guess the anxiety keeps saying to me that im in for worse to come. 

And that I’m in the throws of protracted WD. 

 

BrassMonkey and some other moderators have mentioned about me being in the Uh-Oh part of the SERT curve for citalopram where the receptor occupancy begins to drop more steeply than before and that people often have issues at the 20mgai area.

 

Any insight from anyone regarding my current situation would be so great.

thanks,

Nick. 

 

[ChessieCat]

What non drug techniques are you using?

 

What improvements have you noticed?

[jozeff]

Hi Nick, 

 

I feel your despair and you want to be able to taper again. I'm still on 18 mg citalopram since beginning of August and I am not stable. I can't even say I see much improvement staying on this dose for Al these months.

 

From what I've learned I think you should hold and wait. No one said healing is linear! You tapered, kept the dose for a couple of weeks and continued. It is very very unlikely that you cannot stabilize on 22 mg and taper again.

 

I'm also looking for answers and some days I swear to God I'm stable and that the hurting is over and then the next morning..bam...I don't even know why I am walking this Earth. 

 

You have to be strong and be patient Nick. You will be tapering again!

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

[nick1990]

Chessie , I’ve been practicing mindfulness, AAF and deep breathing , trying to distract myself, eating well etc .. it helps when not in a wave but I feel there’s not much relief from the underlying anxiety when in a wave . I’m also an anxious, sensitive person by nature and it’s a whole combo of everything showing up .

 

I just feel an underlying emotional discomfort right now and it’s been going on for days. Super hard to deal with.

 

As far as improvements, I haven’t had the intense anxiety/panic element for a while. I also haven’t had the anger as intensely. I’ve had next to no foot pain or eye twitches, it seems to have just shifted to this constant uncomfortable anxiety.

 

Im having the odd OCD thought but I’m trying to not dwell on them and buy into them . Emotionally Chessie, I must say , this is really tough.

 

Thank you Jozeff for your kind words my friend - I see no reason why I wouldn’t stabilise on this current dose. I’ve tapered slowly , I guess I’m just a little shocked at how it came out of the blue when doing a good, slow taper.

You too will stabilise my friend .

 

Any other suggestions as to how to cope with this would be appreciated. I know I’ll come right and it’s just the anxiety talking - my word, it’s difficult though 

 

[Tom37]

Hi Nick,

 

Sorry mate but not much I can say to you other than you will get through this difficult period.

 

You have have been through this before so you know stabilising happens but can take some time.

 

Just bring out all those coping techniques you have learned and keep up the fight.