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nick1990: Citalopram crap

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nick1990

JanCarol - Thanks so much for your detailed response. I think your spot on about the ruminating thoughts. I have started with CBT weekly and am hoping this will help me get a grip on this all. I do still think that this rumination/clouded thinking is being caused by the drugs as apposed to the WD. I could see way more clearly on a lower dose. But since updosing the ruminating has taken hold again.

Im thinking as i decrease the drug - I will feel a lot more at peace about this whole "Childhood experience"..

 

I have been taking fish oil for some time. I will continue to take it for some time i think. Planning on eating some fish over the summer too . (Do lots of diving/fishing)

As for meat, i dont think i need it in my diet. And im quite determined not to let WD consume me to a point where i believe i do need to eat it. I have began adding Organic Virgin Coconut oil to my chocolate peanut butter almond milk porridge :) Thats the other thing - for health reasons as well as moral ones i am mostly eliminating dairy from my diet. I have done my Homework on this for a long time and dairy really is no more than baby calf fluid :P Cancer causing calf fluid. Anyway... lets not go off on that tangent. . lol.

Oh and another note. i had my blood results come back and im fine other than on the low scale of iron. Could be whats making me so tired all the time... Anyway, im now starting Iron and VitC supplements. And going to up my dose of leafy greens and hopefully some nice smoked Kahawai. ( Eastern Australian Salmon). Oh and i eat alot of eggs. Free range organic eggs. So i think that should keep my VitB12 from plummeting. 

 

Thanks so much again JanCarol for your response. 

 

I am doing much better. Still some depression here and there with those light suicidal waves but its totally artificial. Im thinking this too will pass soon and hopefully i can have a nice full on summer. Cant wait to start this tapering but i aint rushing :)

 

Love and Hugs to all. 

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nick1990

Hey all. I need some re-assurance.

 

The last few weeks i have been feeling pretty demotivated. Nothing exciting me much. No real feelings as such. Stopped crying - Even though i feel a bit crap. 

The WD seems to have eased off quite significantly over the last few weeks .But has been replaced with this..

 

During the worst of WD i could suddenly feel sooo many amazing emotions. I found the experience utterly painful and brutal but at the same time absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I cried ALOT . Felt so much joy looking at nature and being with loved ones. I had ALOT of energy during the day. I ran a few KM's most days and surfed for ages too without feeling too tired.  I felt alive for the first time in AGES! Im not saying that it wasnt full of pain - because the WD was the HArdest thing i have ever been through. But now it seems that the WD has eased but the numbness, tiredness, emotionless state has taken hold. I literally slept for 14 hours the other night. This has all mostly happened SINCE Up-Dosing. 

 

I hate it. WD sucked. But this... this is so upsetting for me as i am such an emotional, energetic individual. 

 

It makes me want to start my taper already. I know i shouldn't and am going to give it at least another month or 2. But if i stick to a nice SLOW taper, should these "Feeling's" return as my dose decreases?  It really feels to me like it is the "Presence" of the drug causing this.

 

Thanks for your responses :)

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Fresh

Your "feelings continuum" will even out and go back to normal as you get better Nick.

The level of energy you described yesterday and "suddenly feeling sooo many amazing emotions" are the

reason people are often incorrectly diagnosed as bipolar when they've tapered too much . . . the symptoms

are the same as hypomania.  And now that your system is settling , it's absolutely exhausted. A period of

hypomanic symptoms is often/usually followed by a swing the other way , with symptoms mimicking those of

depression.  Try and be patient.  

 

Your feelings will return , but hopefully just the regular ones , not the euphoric ones.

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JanCarol

Hey Nick - (good on ya with the coconut and fish oil)

 

Like Fresh said, some describe the post WD initial euphoria as almost manic - most amazing.  It is one of the feelings that we actually combat here at SA, because when the pain starts, someone who has felt this freedom = never wants to go back on the drug, even as a temporary relief measure.

 

So yeah.  Normal.  

 

And as for the slump that you now feel yourself in - I remember hubby after his stroke, and again after his major surgery - it takes TIME and REST to heal.  And you are healing your brain, a quite vital part of the system.  Is it any surprise that it wants to "shut down" a lot while the road works are going on?

 

Be patient, there will be a lot of changes before it's all over, and they are all good signs that your body is healing and testing its systems.  I can't imagine what it would be like to be young and "shut down," like this.  I know you're hungry for the surf, the sun, and the expressions that your young body would normally want - but - if it were a broken leg, you'd be staying inside the surf club, letting your mates sign & graffiti your cast, and watching them tackle the waves.  Sure, you'd feel down - but - your leg would be in a cast - not much surfing to be had there.

 

It's harder when it's your brain that's in repair.  Nobody can see it, there's no cast to sign, and it's extremely difficult to get sympathy or understanding for the thing nobody can see - and hardly anybody believes in!

 

I recognize that you feel this as the presence of the drug, not the withdrawal.  But - remind yourself how bad the withdrawal was before you reinstated - and recognize that your brain is adjusting to its new homeostasis.  I'm sorry it feels deadening and numb, but this too will pass.

 

At least wait until after the holidays for your next taper.  That's not far off now - and then you can try your next drop, depending on how your symptoms are going.  Maybe even plan a tentative New Years 5% test taper, to see how sensitive you will be to the changes a taper will bring.

 

Slow, steady, you'll heal beautifully.

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nick1990

Thanks Fresh and JanCarol. Legends :) Man today was boring. Working in that bloody cafe scrubbing dishes. .. Only 1 more week and I'm free :D Then its New Years time!  

 

JanCarol & Fresh - What you both wrote really put things into perspective. The idea that I've had this crazy Anxiety/Panic tenseness and now I'm on the other side of the line , with the depressed type state. Its exactly what my counsellor suggested a few weeks ago. He said that he believes it is a good sign that i have shifted from panic/anxiety to slump/down. He certainly thinks I'm through the worst of it. And i really do too. 

 

The Hypo-Mania that you both describe seems relevant to what i felt. But when i was neither "High" nor "Panic/Anx/Low" i still felt a lot more "real" and "emotion-ful" haha.. I really appreciate what you said about combatting the "Hypo-Mania" Symptom. And i can pinpoint the moments when i felt that during the worst of it.

 But this more relaxed, happy, real and emotion-ful state - Could this be what life will feel like after the drugs - If a SLOW , calm, successful taper is achieved?? 

 

The other thing is - Because of the age that i started these drugs (14-15 Years Old) does that mean I'm more susceptible to WD ?? Or would this not be much of a causal factor if a SLOW, steady taper is stuck to.  Im quite worried :/ 

 

The thing that gives me hope though is that after 10 years on 60mg i managed to get to 45mg with no trouble at all. I now know that i didn't wait long enough for the last drop and essentially dropped 20% of my (then) current dose in 4 weeks.

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KarenB

From what I've read on here, it is the taper which has the most impact on a person's recovery.  It is true that at age 14/15 your brain was still developing into it's adult state.  In fact at age 25 it could still be developing - especially if a person drank alcohol during these years. 

 

My brain isn't very scientific, but my gut feeling is that an actively developing brain will be more adept at doing the healing it needs, than a brain that's out of practice. 

 

I feel I should add a little :blush: face here cause I'm sure someone more scientific is going to tell me I'm way off base.   

 

I also feel that from the way you are coming through your w/d experience, you are going to do really well.  I feel really positive about your progress.

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Fresh

" But this more relaxed, happy, real and emotion-ful state - Could this be what life will feel like after the drugs - If a SLOW , calm, successful taper is achieved??"

 

I believe it is Nick , it's what "calm" is like. And once we can live in that space , we can respond

to things rather than just react , and everything is easier.

 

"The other thing is - Because of the age that i started these drugs (14-15 Years Old) does that mean

I'm more susceptible to WD ??"

 

We simply don't know. As Karen said , perhaps your young-ish age gives you a better chance at brain

recovery than someone 20 years older. It kind of doesn't matter , you can only do the best you can.

It's terrific that you're doing cbt , because you'll probably have some catching-up to do emotionally

as you heal , and this can help you when old emotions resurface.

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Ignacio

hi nick90, I just wanted to say hello! I read through some of your post and identify greatly with you as i´m from the 90's to (95 exactly), especially with being drugged from 16 years old and the sudden rise in mood during the firstduring the initial stages of w/d I´ll folow your post and hope that you are on your way to healing! cheers

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nick1990

Hi Ignacio. Nice to meet you. Other side of the world :D Hope your doing well and have a lovely Christmas!

 

This depression is bugging me a bit. its such a dam foreign thing to me . it makes everything feel gloomy and my life meaningless. It amplifies everything negative in my life or turns past events into " Negative" ones.. And its so horrid. But then it passes and im fine. Well sort of fine. I understand this is all part of the healing process and that im on the home straight as far as stabilizing goes but man i just want to feel back to normal. And then slowly get this dam sh*t out of my system. 

 

Just watched a doco called "FoodMatters" . Brilliant. So good . Watch it if you can. I feel like since this whole WD thing began i have had a shift in my attitude toward society as a whole. An awakening almost. I like it ! 

 

Anyway Merry Christmas to you all.  Lots of love !

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nick1990

Not looking for a pity party haha but that Christmas sucked! Worst wave i've had in nearly 2 months. Just a depression though. Not really any anxiety. It certainly isnt as intense as the symptoms i was having 3-5 months ago but when you feel your on track to stabilizing its quite hard to deal with. . 

 

The CBT i have been doing recently has seemed to help me deal with "thoughts" and "emotions" over the childhood event which plagues me. Last week after our session i could actually see the logic in it all. I realized how this pattern of negative thinking over the last 4-5 years has put me in this deep, dark hole. And that it is only this train of thought that has caused me to feel negatively about it all. It is as if i have turned this little mole hill into a mountain. I sometimes get these little glimpses of how i should feel . Like this logical, normal thought. And it feels fine. The best way that i can think to describe it is that it feels "Hyper" to me. Like any negative emotion regarding the event has been "Hyper-fied" x 1000!!!! Everyone i talk to about it thinks that it is rediculous that i feel soooo bad about it all. But i cant seem to shake it . This is the reason i was diagnosed with "OCD" haha .. and over the last 5 years my "OCD" has apparently gotten "WORSE" because my thoughts and feelings about this have gotten worse. . Deep down i think it is the Citalopram which is keeping me trapped in this state. The irrational depressive/anxious feelings and thoughts that go along with this whole thing could be caused by this drug???   

 

The worst part is that during this WD "depression" i can see NO logic at all. In fact everything feels sooooo much worse about the whole thing. The CBT doesnt seem to be effective during the waves. The only thing i can do is completely immerse myself in distraction . But as soon as my mind is in-active it starts racing again.. I hate it. It makes my life so miserable and makes me feel so worthless. It is like a constant battle. Thankfully though - When the waves pass its not as bad :) Still not as i want it to be , but much more "Liveable"..

 

The only time that i felt this whole thing release me from its grip was at times - after i had reduced my dose. Not during the "Manic" times but during the calm/clear times. It was good. 

 

Anyway - as always,insight is appreciated. Very much so :) 

 

Hope you all have a calm, Happy Christmas 

 

Love to you all!

 

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Vonnegutjunky

Nick - I also had a bad reaction since updosing - you posted on December 3rd about how you were feeling,

 

and I could have been reading one of my own posts -

 

I waited for 5 months to stabilize, I never did, and I continued to feel horrible until I finally started to taper again- it was wonderful getting some relief and clarity back in my life - now if I wait too long to taper I begin feeling horrible again, but get relief the day that I do taper -

 

I regret waiting 5 months to taper -

 

Also you should read Amy's thread: she has a blue butterfly as her pic- she's going through a similar situation

 

Take care - Jenny

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nick1990

Wow Jenny! Thats interesting.. I think the difference bewteeen our situations are that I have been getting slowly better so I think I am stabilizing. Just dealing with some residual symptoms.. also I dont think I had any serious side effects from taking the med. Bit of a spanner in the works though :/

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KarenB

Hey Nick,

 

It appears that some people don't benefit from longer holds, but they do seem to be the minority.  I think you've identified the thing that shows you your hold is working for you - increasing stabilisation.  While you are experiencing that it's a good idea to keep holding.  When you arrive at a place that feels stable, stay there for a bit and then think about your next decrease. 

 

Hope you're feeling some relief from those Christmas-day feelings. 

 

And on another topic, did anybody ever acknowledge that you may have had good reason to feel badly about that childhood event?  If not, that could lead to getting stuck on the issue.  Acknowledge, accept, move on...

 

KarenB  

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nick1990

Ok.cool thanks Karen :) and no. No-one believes that the event should carry the feelings that it does. I even know that. Thats the crazy thing . It certainly has an obsessive/ depressive/ guilty nature to it. Im in no way saying that I should feel good about it but more that I shouldn't have such strong negative/ irrational feelings attached

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nick1990

Hey all. Happy new year :)

After those couple days of depression over Christmas things have lifted. Been away all week with mates and spent new years at a drum and bass festival. Was a good time ~ danced non stop for a few hours.. met a girl haha.. yeh it was fun. Was out to 3am for a couple nights in a row so paying for it a bit now . 14 hours sleep last night !!! Other than these inconsistent depressive/anxious/low feelings that ive been having over the last couple months the only other symptoms seem to be the following;

 

~feeling spaced out/ un real

~feeling fatigued after intense dancing or after an hour or two of surfing.

~not feeling 100% cognitively there. Cant think very clearly.

~on and off tension in jaw/ teeth. Maybe 2/10 severity.

 

The exercise thing is really bugging me. Its not that I can't surf for more than 2 hours but more that I feel this weird fatigued feeling in my mid to lower abdomen when I push it.

 

Will this as well as the other things I listed fade too ? Its not severe or debilitating but I hate it :( I want to go tramping and surf for 6 hours straight like I used to !!

 

From what I understand I need to wait for these symptoms to fade before I can taper..

 

The other thing im worried about is that each time I taper im going to have to go through all these things again for an extended period of time. Could it be possible that these few months of protracted WD could be the worst of it? and that a steady tapering plan from here on could let me live my life mostly how id like to ? Cause I certainly have not been living it AT ALL for the last 5 months.. until recently..

 

Thanks heaps guys :)

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KarenB

Whoa, if I could do all that I'd be over the moon.  'Course my husband might think it odd if I was out 'meeting girls'....

 

The exercise difficulty will fade because it's just another symptom.  Once your CNS is healed enough then the exercise won't be too much for it anymore. 

 

Also, if you want less symptoms when you taper, make smaller cuts.  That's how I've got things manageable again.  Well, I'm not living the life I used to, but I can do the important stuff for my daughters, and enough of my own things like gardening/cooking/visiting friends to feel happy in myself.  It makes the tapering process longer, but if you can live more life along the way I think it's a good option.  I also think it may be better for our CNS.  

 

Overall your story so far is encouraging.  You'll make it just fine.  The main problem is you are a young man with hardly any patience - and who can blame you ;) with all that good surf out there. 

 

Just keep things steady.

Karen.

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nick1990

Hey all. Little update -

 

Not much has changed. in the last week or so. The anxiety has now almost faded completely - which is good. A few months ago i never thought it would go :)

 

Feel pretty "drugged" still . Cloudy head, bad concentration, sleepy, brain fog. Sleeping at least 10-12 hours a night. Could literally sleep all day if i wanted to. 

Not heaps of motivation. No creativity.  I'm pretty sure the up-dose has caused me to feel like this. Still though, i am grateful that the anxiety has faded. The waves of depression are still popping up every now and then. They are horrid, but i think they are reducing in intensity. The only other symptom is still the jaw tension. Not bad but its enough to say i probably shouldn't taper yet. Well that and the depression waves. 

 

Been surfing quite a lot and going to summertime concerts.. Chilling with mates too. And smoking a few cigs :/   

 

Going to start looking for a more full time job soon . Maybe another month of chilling out , working at the surf school. Im hoping to begin tapering by the end of this month but will play it by ear.

 

Cheers everyone!

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nick1990

Geeez this sleepiness is really bugging! Sleeping over 12 hours and still feeling tired all day.. I just could sleep and sleepn and sleep. I am low in iron I know that and am trying to sort that but still soo tired. . Its hard to know if this is wd or not ? Or if it is from updosing ?

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LexAnger

We have lots symptoms in common. Guess they are classical side effects and WD for this particular drug.

I tend to sleep a lot more (10 hours each time I make a cut) for a week or so then gradually it reduces to like 8+ hours. So I would think it is caused more by WD.

There are lots cases I read here that increasing lex can make things much worse on a new level with a completely different set of sxs. Lessons learned for me is NO dose increase even tiny bit regardless, so very slow taper is important to avoid the forced dose increase.

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KarenB

My iron is fine and I still need huge amounts of sleep.  I put it down to w/d, but still try to make sure all other things are in balance such as light exercise, and the iron that you are wondering about.  I figure it pays to have everything else as sorted as possible to support the healing process.

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nick1990

Hey all. Just wanted to give a good, honest update . My mind feels a little clearer this morning so i thought it could be a good time to right about my progress so far in this journey. 

 
In june/july I dropped 10% and then another 10% 4 weeks later. So i basically dropped 20% within 4-5 weeks. Too quick. 

As anyone who has followed my thread will know - i was in full on panic attack, anxiety, petrified mode during mid/end of July. It was scary! Each day was a real struggle and i felt that i was in a horrible nightmare. I cried ALOT. I had the idea that this was it. I thought i would never get better. 

 

I tried to ride it out on that current dose, and i did for 3 months. My waves became slowly further apart and i had windows of up to 8-9 days at a time. Feeling great during the windows. Clearer than ever. More passion. More enthusiasm and excitement. My social interactions were right up there and i made all my mates laugh. Everything felt more real. I could think about things that i have struggled with over the years on 60mg Citalopram and could work through them logically.

 

But the waves would return. And they were still really gnarly. I would be terrified of the day ahead.

 

Although, looking back now i probably should have stayed put on the 40mg, i updosed to 45mg. Cloudy head. Sleepy, numb.

 

Coupled with the start up effects of the drug, i also continued to have bad WD symptoms of anxiety and panic. Even 8 -10 weeks after the updose, i still had panic and anxiety. Plus i felt like a zombie. I was concerned. I began to have some moderate jaw/tooth tension as well. 

 

Now for the "good news" part .... :)

 

 

 

The anxiety faded away! It just became less frequent. And now its been gone for 2 months at least. Some depression and exhaustion did kick in though. However , that too seems to be fading. Less frequent, less intense. 

 

All in all. Most days are OK now. The WD that does bother me from time to time is the depressed feeling (fading :) ) as well as the spaced out feeling (slowly improving) . The jaw tension is lingering but better than it was. And it really doesnt bother me much. I can still live my life . 

 

 

All in all things have improved immensely. I felt that during the worst of it my WD felt like 9/10 severity. Now it feels like 2/10 on a bad day . And a 1/10 on a good day. 

 

I am sure that some of the things that are bugging me now are being caused by the increased dose.  I am looking forward to slowly tapering. And living my life as i would like to. 

 

This is my story so far. Things DO get better. 

 

Thanks to everyone who has supported me (Especially KarenB :)) while i danced with the devil.. He sure as hell aint having another dance. 

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KarenB

Yes!  Wow Nick I'm over the moon for you :).  Go find some nice girl to dance with instead of that devil...

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LexAnger

So happy for you 2/10 is great giving these nasty poisons.

 

Keep the spirit and live the life fullest possible during windows!

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nick1990

Had some really good/normal days recently. Only thing is- im feeling frustrated with things. Like when my mate talks too much and i cant get a word in - i get this feeling in my stomach that i feel annoyed. Like i dont have any patience. Kind of hard to explain. Feels drug related. As apposed to WD related. Most other things seem to have returned to normal. Now that i think of it, i dont think ive had jaw tension for a couple of weeks . No depression for a couple of weeks. No real anxiety. Just the morning uneasiness that ive had occasionally for the last few years on the drug. I want to start tapering really soon. Do you guys think i could be ready ? Or would another few weeks do no harm? I dont mind waiting a bit. I just want the clarity of mind which i know exists to return :) And im on 45mg at the moment, was thinking of reducing 5% to 42.5mg for maybe 4-6 weeks then down to 40mg from there. What do you guys think? Thanks :) Nick

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KarenB

Things are sounding quite steady.  How has your sleep been lately?

 

When I was tapering larger amounts, I liked to have a month of feeling good before I cut again.  How many weeks have you been feeling good for?  To be on the safe side you could wait till you've had a good month.  You avoid setbacks by not rushing. 

 

5% sounds like a good plan since your 10% cuts seemed to hit you quite hard.

 

Karen

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nick1990

Haha why is it like that ? I spoke too soon. Bit of Anxiety today. Was pretty minor though . like 1/10 maybe pushing 2/10 and i just had a little cry. Haven't had much of a cry in a while . Quite nice actually. But a bit of anxiety definitely there. My life is 90 - 95% back to normal now i feel. Before today though it had been about 2 weeks of feeling pretty good. 

 

Thanks KarenB - I think i will wait a bit longer. I don't see much harm in doing so , and i think if i taper from a completely stable place i will feel alot better. My sleep has been pretty good. Not falling off to sleep as quickly as i did during the worst of WD . More like it was before any of this started. Yeh the 5% is the way to go for the first few i reckon. I guess i can never be sure whether it was the 10% drop or the combination of that and only holding 4 weeks. First 3 drops i had ridiculously long holds between each (Un-Intentionally) at 10% per drop and barely noticed anything at all. I like BrassMonkey's method.. Makes sense. 

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KarenB

Good call.  Now go weigh those pills out before you change your mind :).

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nick1990

I have to say this is what im thinking at the moment .... The anxiety that i had today i havent had in probably 2 months. Not nearly as powerful or overwhelming as before though.  Now this is the part im thinking about - Yesterday morning instead of weighing out the 1/4 of a pill that i normally do which weights between 0.046-0.047 i weighed it at 0.045. and again i weighed it to 0.045 today (as well as taking 2 x 20mg tablets).  so i suppose i have technically tapered over the last 2 days. But from what i gather, that drop is so insignificant, and i have been feeling that much better that surely todays anxiety cant be in response to that tiny fraction of a drop? Getting pretty concerned :/

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KarenB

Well, it can take 4 days for a change to register.  However, personally I notice changes of say 0.216 down to 0.215.  Just for a couple of days and then it goes away again.  So for some people such miniscule changes can cause symptoms. 

 

Of course with only two days, you couldn't definitely attribute it to the drop.  External stresses? 

 

Perhaps be careful to stay at that dose for a while and note symptoms.  I don't think it will stick around for long, as you had been quite stable.

 

And, don't panic!  Sorry, don't you hate it when people say that?  Like it's that easy...

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nick1990

Alright - Thank you KarenB . I will keep an eye on it. I do have a job interview early tmrw morning which im a little nervous about. It could be from that .. I dont know. Its crazy though - i can feel the panic . Its the thought that my whole tapering process is going to take ages and that im going to have WD with every little drop.. It seems that in the past my when i have had proper WD appear - it takes about 5-6 days . So again here;s hoping that it is just a little wave from this current WD . 

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nick1990

Lying here in bed this a.m. woke up and cant stop thinking that this anxiety I had yesterday is from the tiny drop. I feel as if all the hopes I have built over the last few months of being able to taper off this stuff in a few years has come crashing down. Im feeling teary and scAred again. Is it me working myself up ? Most probably. But I cant help feeling down and concerned that this is going to take me 20 yeArs. I just want my life back.

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nick1990

Sorry to keep hijacking my own thread with questions haha .. do you think that this anxiety could still be from my BIG WD? It has only been 2 weeks since my last little wave. Has that happened to anyone? Like felt they had stabilized but then got hit by a little wave? I just haven't had this anxiety for a couple of months. I know it will fade soon, I dont doubt that. I just wonder what it is that caused it. I did the math, and that mini drop 3 days back was 0.7%

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nick1990

Just found this in KarenB thread.

 

From Bubble -

 

When we are destabilised regardless of how small cuts we make they cause a lot of symptoms. I also get very impatient to cut so that I have a feeling that I'm progressing towards a drug free life. So I constantly have to remind myself that slowing down to hold will get me there faster.

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nick1990

Anxiety has increased big time this a.m back to 5/10 and physical tingling type sensation in lower arms. Bit if nausea and loose stools. Having the anxiety/panic come in waves. Should I updose back the 0.07% or wait it out. I dont want to go through protracted WD again . Reallly scAred guys

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KarenB

That's a wave alright.  Possible a wave from your original w/d, but compounded by the simultaneous drop you did.  I think - if it were me - I'd updose to where you were a few days ago.  Clearly you need more settling time. 

 

I hear your concerns about how long it will all take.  I have those too.  It is concerning, and we have every right to be fricking angry about this.  However, at the same time we must plan carefully and accept what we must do to safely taper.  It's a balancing act. 

 

Let us know if you updose or not, and how it goes.  We're all here for you.

 

Hugs,

Karen

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nick1990

Thanks Karen. Just awoke from a quick sleep. Feel better now. But this is how it was with my original WD. Afternoons were fine. I have taken your advice and up dosed that mini amount. Took it about 5 mins ago but hard to weigh it out exactly on that scale. Because this drop clearly affected me - it doesnt meen that a drop that size will once again affect me if ive given myself and my CNS significant healing time? Because before any of this started I didnt even weigh the pills. I just used to cut them roughly in to quarters. Some days im pretty sure I forgot to take them all together. Plus - to be able to reduce 10% fine with no symptoms in the past to this ? 0.7% !?! Its ridiculous. Surely this must be compounded by my WD from before. There's no way that me tapering from a stable place would have me react so severely to such a small reduction. I just know my body. I dont think I need to accept that this is the way it is.

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