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nick1990: citalopram crap

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brassmonkey

Iron is the main component of blood for transporting oxygen from the lungs to the cells.  With out it you literately can't breath. Low iron can cause great fatigue and a host of other problems.  The two main sources are red meat and leafy greens. If you don't eat meat you don't get enough and need to supplement. Especially you ladies.

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KarenB

Cacao (raw) is great for iron and improved energy.  Just got me some today.  It is supposed to contain as much nutrients as about 5 other super-foods combined.  And yes, it seems that low iron will make you feel crappy.  Got any nettle tea?    

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nz11

Glad to read you are feeling good Nick

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nick1990

Hey all. In need of some reassurance.

Wd seems to be gone for the most part. Waiting a bit to taper though for personal reasons.

 

However, my ocd has been bad. Its making me depressed. Its winter here and its so quiet. Ive been sitting around doing nothing other than thinking lol. Its a recipe for disaster. Anyway my ocd over childhood event is hurting me. I've had it up to my eyeballs with it. Im going to go to cbt again this week .

I guess what I want to know is could these years of all this worsening ocd/guilt be a reflection of tolerance to the drug?? I just feel like I can't think clearly and no matter how hard I try or who i talk to, it just lingers. I want to deal with this , but I feel I cant while taking this poison.

Thanks guys I really appreciate your insight :)

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AliG

Hi Nick.    It's winter here in Oz too and it's a little cold and gloomy. I think I'm a little like you as I love the warmth and sunshine of our Spring and Summer. I can't wait for Spring. I know you like the beach and surfing too , so you may be missing that which is understandable.

 

It sounds like you could be having some neuro- emotions, which is normal in withdrawal. It might pay you to have another read through this, as there are others who mention similar feelings to what you are currently experiencing. It's probably been a while since you read it and it might shed a little light on the subject and maybe you can identify with some of the ideas and sentiments expressed.

Neuro emotions

Also this link :

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3882-ocd-obsessive-thoughts-compulsive-behaviors/page-3#entry152287

 

You might want to look into a Lightbox, if you think you have seasonal affective disorder or perhaps just get out into the early morning light and/ or sunshine. Perhaps even some vitamin D if your levels are down. Just walking in the sun can also be great therapy !  :)

Ali

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Flowers

Hola Nick!

 

It is hard to imagine you going through winter when it is sooooo hot here!

 

I can't offer any help with regards to drug tolerance and dealing with things from your past. I am afraid that is out of my experience.

 

I do know though that keeping active even in winter helps so much to lift the spirits and stop you dwelling on things. Like Ali G says walking can be such a good thing even if it is just for an hour or so a day. Do you have a dog that needs exercising or know someone who has one?

 

From what I have read on your posts you are normally very fit and active with your surfing etc. Could you find something that you could do indoors if the weather is too bad to exercise outside. Maybe gentle exercise at the Gym?

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nick1990

Hey all.

 

Having posted in 3 weeks.

 

Happy to report that i feel fully stabilised now. The OCD thoughts have been gone for 3 weeks. haven't had a wave in 3 weeks. Feel like i did prior to WD. 

 

Off to Bali in 5 weeks (WOHOOO!) and trying to plan out the summer ahead. I think i will stay at the cafe working as a barista up until christmas and then go back to teaching at the surf school for a few months over summer time. I want to save $$$ so that i can move back to QLD in March/April for the winter.

 

Plan on starting my slide/taper once back from Indonesia, Really have a lot of hope that i can function fully during the process so that i can do all the things i want to do :) 

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LexAnger

Great graet update!

Keep the good work and continue the smooth healing!

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bubble

Well Nick, I'm impressed with you :) People find it very hard to adopt the concept of holding. Probably because it requires so much patience and is actually counter intuitive: we all want to do something when a symptom hits and once we realise how nasty these drugs are we want to get off faster.

But if we do that they harm us even more.

I'm very happy the strategy is paying off and confident you can live your life pretty much the way you want it as you taper. Holding till you come back from Bali will put you in a very good starting position.

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AliG

That's awesome Nick. What a great little update. It sounds like your windows are getting longer and your OCD thoughts dissipating a little is encouraging. I'm impressed too. Your holding is working for you. Well done.

Ali

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brassmonkey

Bali is going to be wonderful, can't wait for you to go.  I'm so glad things are working out the way you planned.

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KarenB

That's really good to hear Nick.  You're managing to live a pretty nice life, even in w/d. 

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nick1990

Just noting , having a bit of a wave. Not bad but slight anxiety and ocd. I have pushed myself to exhaustion over the last few weeks. Probably deserve it haha... so I take back my statement of being 100% stabilised. I think im darn close but clearly I need a little longer.

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Flowers

Good to read that you are stabilising and off to Bali too! Soooooo jealous!!

 

Ref the wave at least you recognise that it probably is because you are tired. Hope you can get some rest and that is passes soon.

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nick1990

Thanks all :)

 

Hey, i just read Ladybugs thread for the first time and it scared me. It seems she has gone slow and is still not being able to function properly due to WD. Im worried that what if its the same for me?? Does anyone who knows Ladybug have any idea why she has such a hard time of it all? Its very sad. I know that women have other complications related to their cycle but yeh this does concern me. Let me know your thoughts friends :)

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AliG

Hey Nick.  I'm not sure and nobody can really say. The important thing is to focus on your own recovery and that seems to be going very well right now. Try not to worry and stress. Catastrophizing ,whilst normal particularly in withdrawal , doesn't help you in the long run.

 

We all feel for Ladybug , but at this time there is nothing that you or I can do, even though I wish we could.

Ali

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LexAnger

Hi Nick,

 

I understand your feeling. I often felt the same when reading challenging journeys from others. Everyone is different, and not all the bad WD from everyone else would happen to you. Like AliG said, try to focus on your own recovery.

 

Wish you peace,

Lex

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Flowers

Hi Nick

 

I have just posted an answer to your post on my thread in case you don't pick it up.

 

hope it helps

 

xxx

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nick1990

Thanks flowers will respond in youe thread :)

 

Still in this sort of wave thing. More just a low mood/tired. Could be time of year (spring blues) plus im pretty exhausted from last few weeks. Its frustrating as I thought I was in the clear. Anyway, I just stopped drinking coffee after 4 weekks of use and thats causing a few headaches and real sleepiness , so its hard to know if its wd from coffee or not haha.. mum and dad are in Europe at the moment and I had a bit of anx about them travelling but ive always been like that. .

Really feeling that getting truly stable is important for me before resuming the taper. I think if previous wd is gone completely then it'll all be alot easier starting to taper again - otherwise I can imagine it getting very confusing. Not knowing if a wave is from a drop or from a previous disruption to the nervous system. Does this make sense ??

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nick1990

Hey all.

Stabilisation is going really well. 

 

still not feeling "great" but i wasn't for years before my crash anyway. Definitely tolerance issues. Im still holding just cause i have decided to wait til after my Indonesia trip.

 

Something surprising happened today. And not good surprising either - I was going through the bathroom cabinet at my parents house looking for a thermometer (my bro has been throwing up all day - Most likely food poisoning) and i found a bag with the Mirtazapine in it that i took for a few weeks in 2010. 

But i also found a packet of Lexapro. 5 tablets had been used.    So i must have taken these for a few days during the Citalopram CT and mirtazapine switch of 2 weeks in 2010 before stopping mirtazapine and going back on Citalopram.  I also took a few Valiums which the Pdoc prescribed for anxiety. 

 

All of this occurred over a 2-3 week period in mid 2010. Just there for the records.

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nick1990

Off to Bali in a week. WOHOO!

 

Anyway - having a mini wave - it might not even be a wave, just a result of exhaustion from work, surfing and coffee addiction.

Yup I'm drinking coffee and I'm hooked again. It doesn't seem to effect my anxiety or anything but i certainly can feel it when i miss my morning coffee. Headache, nausea, bad mood, sleepy, little depressed and anxious. Its gnarly. Then give me a coffee and 5 minutes later I'm loving life. haha

 

Getting my old drug side effects back in full swing too. Not really many WD symptoms, but more side effects/possible tolerance issues. 

These include ; anxious, negative feeling, sluggish, unmotivated, drugged brain feeling/cloudy/spaced out. Not toooo much interest in sex stuff but still not bad, sleeping too much, taking a while to nod off some nights, difficulty concentrating, poor cognition, memory issues, grumpy/easy to get frustrated at little things like slow drivers, customers at cafe and people being disrespectful in the surf. 

 

None of these are new to me and have gotten worse for the past few years, hence why i believe they're side effects. Some days are worse than others and some days are better than others, always have been - (well for the last few years at least) And the most amazing thing about this all is most (not all) of these side effects dissapered or reduced dramatically during my too fast taper. Hence why i took so long to updose (3 Months) because i felt good when not in a wave as apposed to this "Blah" feeling I've had for so long.  

 

I have to say, i still am scared about tapering, I'm so traumatised by the whole crash i had that its hard not to be, but I'm trying to catch myself before i slip into a negative cycle of thought. Its too easy to do :/ 

 

Anyway, hope your all well and if anyone wants to respond, even though i asked no question, just some experiences regarding side effects etc, feel free.

 

Cheers!

Nick

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nz11

Have a nice holiday Nick.

Wish you all the best with your soon to start taper plan.

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nick1990

Thanks man. Weird day todAy. Been definitely having a little wave of anxiety. Dont know why but I feel teary and sad and anxious :( haven't felt like this in ages

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Flowers

Hi Nick

 

Sorry you are having a bad day. You certainly seem to be doing a lot in your life and am so jealous of your trip to Bali. 

 

I think the ups and downs we have are all part of the course now! I have off days but these are usually triggered by something that is making me stressful. Maybe it is the thought of your big trip that is making you a little unsettled even though you are looking forward to it.

 

See how you feel once you get back from your trip - you may feel like starting a very slow taper then. I am going really slowly with mine and I do have little waves but the symptoms are nowhere near how bad I was when WD first hit me. I have learnt not to panic now as I know that any ill effects soon pass in a day or two. 

 

Side effects are a bit more tricky as it is harder to know for sure what is WD and what is SE. But as time goes on and we get to know how our 'new brain' behaves I think it is a bit of both. My brain fog is getting better as I reduce so I know that is definitely a side effect and I have more energy.

 

Try not to stress out too much about all this and relax and enjoy your break. It sounds like you have been working pretty hard. I have to say from my experience coffee is bad for you! I now have to drink decaf if I have it all. It makes me too jittery and hyper and the annoying thing is I really love it!

 

Flowers xxx

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nick1990

Thanks flowers everything you say makes so much sense! I think im just so tired from the last few week's and I haven't been eating well and drinking too much coffee and getting REALLY stressed at work, its all just caught up with me in the form of this wave. The anxiety I had yesterday is lightly lingering but it hasn't been too bad really. Like 1/10 anxiety . Absolutely nothing like it was. But good old anxiety, makes you think the worst is going to happen etc etc. I just need a better way of dealing with little spikes of anxiety as apposed to freaking out.

I know this wave will pass soon and other than this, lifes been pretty much back to normal.

Once im back from my trip I probably will start to taper slowly. I think I will feel sooo much better once my taper is underway as apposed to sitting here doing nothing Ha Ha..

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Flowers

Don't forget to look after yourself, eat well and find time to destress and relax after work. Doing too much can sometimes make our symptoms worse. I  found this out the hard way by working much too hard!

 

You know I dithered too about when to start tapering and I did feel better once the decision was made to start. You will know when the time is right.

 

Have a wonderful time and take care.

 

xxx

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KarenB

Hey Nick, I've just started making reductions after holding for roughly 8 months, and am feeling really good about it.  Slight symptoms, but nothing I can't handle (so far ha ha).  I knew it was time, something in my gut just knew.  I was feeling more robust.  So when you get that feeling then go for it.  I also knew I'd sorted out a few issues while I'd been holding (sleep, some hormonal stuff, some digestive stuff) and that gave me confidence too. 

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brassmonkey

Hang 10 dude, forget this WD c*** and get tubular. Have a great trip.

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nick1990

Thank you all of you lovely people :) 

 

Karen, Im so glad your taper is working out for you. You deserve it!

 

I need to take time out from this forum for a while. I swear most my problems come from overthinking after reading stories on here... grrr... come on Nick you know better than that!

 

Peace out !

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nick1990

Quick Q regarding my trip and time zone differences. Bali is 5 hours behind us in NZ. Ive never had a problem before switching times around. I always take the cit in the morning. Time varies a bit but usually 9-10 a.m . What should i do with the time difference ? Im terrible at maths too so struggling to figure it out..

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KarenB

Hmm, the best my maths-challenged brain can offer is 'wriggle it by an hour or so each day till you get to the right time.'  With a little luck Brass will see your question...

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nick1990

Its never been an issue for me before so I'm not too worried , I'm thinking if tmrw i take it at 1030, thurs 11, fri 1130, sat 12 o'clock. Then when i get to Bali ill be getting up prob 7 each day for the early surf session, so it'll be equivalent to NZ midday. What you think?   Cits got a 36 hour half life too, so it aint like paxil or effexor?

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brassmonkey

That should work well Nick.  The 36 hour half life is really in your favor for doing this.  You could probably make the jump all at once because of the half life, but why take the chance.  Then just reverse the process when you are ready to come home.  Or just stay with the later time if it's convenient.  If you do make the time switch back, it would be best to let things settle for a few weeks before starting your taper.

 

"I need to take time out from this forum for a while. I swear most my problems come from overthinking after reading stories on here... grrr... come on Nick you know better than that!"

 

You lasted a whole 10 hours and 19 minutes away from the forum. :)

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ravijaua

Hi , I read your story and the similarities between our stories are so much. I started Pexeva 20 mg in 2006, felt great for about 4 years, I used to play tennis, swim, dive, snorkel, etc. 4 years later, I couldn't play tennis anymore because it caused too much anxiety. I should have realized this was tolerance but didn't. I tried to CT and it went horrible and it took me a whole year to stabilize. I of course didn't taper and am now in complete tolerance. I suggest you start tapering slowly like the brassmonkey speed or slower when you can. Don't wait for tolerance like I did.

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ravijaua

When you take the med doesn't matter unless you take it at night. Because most ssris are activating. 5-6 hours here and there doesn't matter. When I was stable, I used to take my meds anytime for 8 am to 1 pm depending on when I woke up and how late I was out the night before.

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nick1990

Hey Team. Wasn't going to post until back from Bali, but its a rainy day.

Been an adventure so far. My friend got turned around at airport cause his passport had expired, so I travelled alone. Got to Bali, no bag. My 3 surfboards and everything I own was in the bag. 3 days later still no news on bag. Insurance paid out to buy clothes etc which I went to town on haha. Bag turned up 4 days later. Pheww.

So far have come close to dying a couple of times, but im fine so not going to expand on it.

 

Ive been feeling ok too. Bit tired and low energy as well as feeling spaced out, but it about 35 degrees and full humidity, plus ive been drinking too much coffee and smoking too many clove cigarettes!

 

Three days ago I got very sick. I pretty much woke up with va headache, then passed out at breakfast, couldn't walk, couldn't see properly, sweating like crazy and then panicked of course. Went to doc, he said severe dehydration from a stomach bug. I think it was probably e-coli. Vomited ALOT. Couldn't keep fluids down. Next day after rest I felt much better. But I do feel like im in a bit of a mini wave :( could stomach viruses do this? Effect your mood, nervous system etc?

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