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NotGettingBy

Hey Everyone,

 

    First time on the site.  Was looking around on the internet about what I'm going through because I'm lost as can be.  And I feel so damn alone going through it.  

    So I created an account.  My abridged story is as follows: 

    You can see the drug history in my signature I believe.  I went cold turkey off of Cymbalta on July 1, 2015.  So a little over three months ago now.  I am positive the last three months have been the worst of my life.  Every day has been a battle and nothing seems to have gotten better.  I read somewhere about the waves and windows concept and so far it has been one gigantic wave.  

    The symptoms started with vertigo, intestinal problems, lack of hunger for anything but sweets, constant panic level anxiety.  My memory feels as though it has been wiped clean.  I can hardly remember any details from the significant events of my past. I cannot remember names, locations, or even full events that I experienced.  I am constantly scared.  I never want to leave my room.  I fear going to work and interacting with anyone.  My sex life flatlined about a week after coming off the drugs and has been nonexistent ever since.  I have gained about fifteen pounds of fat although I rarely eat real food.  It's all junk.  I started out very vigilant about my diet, supplements and exercise but it all tapered off because nothing seemed to put a dent in the way I feel.  None of my friends know what is going on.  My parents know but are across the country and just don't really understand.

    Right now I'm desperate.  I have involuntary thoughts of death all the time.  Images of me dying are just forced into my brain like its looking for some sort of alleviation for the pain.  At this point it is only involuntary.  I do not wish to hurt myself nor to die.  It just sounds relieving is all.  

    I really do not wish to go back on the drugs.  I believe three months means I should be over the initial physical withdrawal and I do not want to go through that aspect again. And I doubt going on anything would really help me in the long run.  

    I guess I just don't know what to do from here.  Sometimes I want to quit my job, leave my life here and move in back with my parents. But that sounds like it comes with a different set of trials and tribulations.  I just want to get better.  The complacency caused by crippling anxiety is astounding, however.

    Apologies if this intro is a bit disjointed.   My brain is a little out of commission.  I probably left a few important things out but I'll add them if they come to mind.  

    Thank you for any help in advance.

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Nomoreheadmeds

Welcome 'notgettingby' youve come to the right place.Someone will be along to assist you soon.

I wish you well

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tgirl

Welcome NGB,

 

Sorry to hear about your ct.

Glad you found us. You will get a lot of support here.

A mod should be along shortly to help you.

Take some time and look around the site.

There's a lot of good stuff here to help you out!

Tgirl

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DaddyCee

Hi and Welcome.

 

You have time on your side for healing as you were on these meds for a relatively short period of time. You will heal as will we all, it just takes time. Have you tried mindful meditation? or reading literature from Paul David or Claire weekes?

 

DC

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NotGettingBy

I did meditate for awhile but that became less and less consistent as time wore on.  I'll see if i can start it up again.  As for the writings I'll look them up.  

 

Thanks for the warm welcome. 

 

P.S. Tgirl, what is ct?

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tgirl

Cold turkey

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Altostrata

Welcome, NGB.

 

Going off any psychiatric drug cold-turkey is high risk for withdrawal syndrome. You have withdrawal syndrome. Recovery can take months or years.

 

It's by no means a sure thing after 3 months, but reinstating even 10 beads of Cymbalta might reduce the symptoms. Read

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Tips for tapering off Cymbalta (duloxetine)

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

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NotGettingBy

So for awhile i was taking:

 

5 htp

phenylaline

probiotics

fish oil

magnesium

vitamin c

vitamin b

multivitamin

calcium

vitamin d

 

all in pretty high doses. I'm not really sure if they worked or what.  Got the information from the site dominating depression.  It didn't seem like a gimmick and still doesn't but i read on here that my brain may be too sensitive to anything that affects serotonin and catecholamines while in withdrawal.  Is that only for the acute withdrawal or the prolonged stage?   

 

Ill start checking out the posts you gave me

 

thanks a lot

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NotGettingBy

OK so I'm considering going back on a small dose of something to help for now and then tapering off.  Would cymbalta really be the best option since it is so hard to taper? I went cold turkey in the first place because it looked like it was going to take forever to count all the little beads out (stupid, I know).  Or would I have to take Cymbalta because that was the last thing i was on?

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NotGettingBy

And will reinstatement not work since I've been off it for three months now? Said something about it being tricky if it's been longer than a month.

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NotGettingBy

OK so I saw something about cymbalta user switching to 10mg prozac and then tapering with that.  Seems like a decent plan.  

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Altostrata

The above is my best advice. It's a gamble whether Prozac will help, too. It could make you worse (as could 10 beads of Cymbalta).  If you go the Prozac route, I would take a very, very low dose to start, perhaps 2mg, to see what it does.

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

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NotGettingBy

Alright then. I'm going to try the prozac 2mg route and see how it goes.  I'll update when I get it.  Thanks

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SquirrellyGirl

Hello NotGettingBy, 

 

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time of it after CTing Cymbalta.  Last year I went off of venlafaxine too fast and began taking many of the supplements you are taking, such as 5-htp, but also Sam-E.  At first I wasn't even aware that I was in WD, maybe because of the supplements, though I pursued ADD testing because I was having horrible cognitive issues such as you described, and a friend said he always thought I had it.  D'oh!

 

Many have written on here saying that some of those supplements are too activating when in WD, and I believe that was my case.  I was additionally taking Sam-E and didn't make the connection with the severe anxiety and feelings of doom I was experiencing.  I read on here somewhere that Sam-E can cause anxiety, anyway, so I now see that in addition to WD from Effexor, I was making things even worse with the Sam-E.

 

As for meditation, I have a lot of difficulty with it but find guided meditations much easier.  Also, I did a Yoga NIdra today that was very much like a guided meditation, very nice.  You can find lots of good stuff on youtube.  I like Tara Brach for guided meditations.

 

Try not to worry over the "long haul" and focus on taking one day at a time, being kind and caring towards yourself and reminding yourself that you are healing.

 

I hope that the 2 mg Prozac gives you relief.  There is no judgement about doing so or reinstating a small amount when it allows you to be comfortable and able to carry on.  

 

SG

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NotGettingBy

thanks for the kind words, SquirrellyGirl

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joey122

The memory gets better for me it has at least hang in there . I am like 5 months in the first few months were brutal for cogniton and memory now it has improved.

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KarenB

Hello NotGettingBy,

 

You've been having a real hard time of it, and it sounds like without much support.  If you consider all your friends, is there one who you could trust with this stuff?  If they are empathetic it doesn't matter if they don't understand all the ins and outs, just that they can listen and maybe sit with you when the anxiety is really ramped up. 

 

You could also look at http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

to build up your tool-box of ways to manage anxiety etc.  Try stuff out and see what works for you.  I have a hot bath with epsom salts in it most days to help.  When I'm really struggling I get a friend round, kind of plug into their groundedness. 

 

SquirelyGirl mentioned yoga-nidra, and I totally agree - I find it really soothing, takes me right out of all my 'future worries.'  Even basic yoga poses like getting your legs up the wall can help to re-set your emotional state. 

 

I'm intrigued by the sugar-craving - it usually indicates a lack of something else in a diet.  It might pay to read around, see what seems to fit for you.  I think that when our brains are healing they need really good nourishment.  If you're not getting enough good-energy-foods and protein then your body might be resorting to a 'quick-fix' of sugary stuff.  This is just my wondering - I'm no expert.  Something for you to consider.

 

You're in a hard place, but things will get better.  You've set yourself on a healing path, and healing will happen and you'll increase your ability to manage the tricky stuff.  You'll find your strength.  Keep posting and reading in the topics - people here understand how it is, and you'll get lots of support.

 

Hugs,

Karen

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NotGettingBy

OK so i got the fluoxetine prescription.  I started today taking 2mg.  Going to continue but not sure how long i should go before I up it or not.  Does anyone know how long it normally takes for withdrawal to subside when instating an antidepressant into the mix?

 

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NotGettingBy

Hello NotGettingBy,

 

You've been having a real hard time of it, and it sounds like without much support.  If you consider all your friends, is there one who you could trust with this stuff?  If they are empathetic it doesn't matter if they don't understand all the ins and outs, just that they can listen and maybe sit with you when the anxiety is really ramped up. 

 

You could also look at http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

to build up your tool-box of ways to manage anxiety etc.  Try stuff out and see what works for you.  I have a hot bath with epsom salts in it most days to help.  When I'm really struggling I get a friend round, kind of plug into their groundedness. 

 

SquirelyGirl mentioned yoga-nidra, and I totally agree - I find it really soothing, takes me right out of all my 'future worries.'  Even basic yoga poses like getting your legs up the wall can help to re-set your emotional state. 

 

I'm intrigued by the sugar-craving - it usually indicates a lack of something else in a diet.  It might pay to read around, see what seems to fit for you.  I think that when our brains are healing they need really good nourishment.  If you're not getting enough good-energy-foods and protein then your body might be resorting to a 'quick-fix' of sugary stuff.  This is just my wondering - I'm no expert.  Something for you to consider.

 

You're in a hard place, but things will get better.  You've set yourself on a healing path, and healing will happen and you'll increase your ability to manage the tricky stuff.  You'll find your strength.  Keep posting and reading in the topics - people here understand how it is, and you'll get lots of support.

 

Hugs,

Karen

Thank you Karen.  I'm still struggling with the concept of telling my best friend but unsure what to do yet.  Most people are peripheral in my life right now and I'm not sure even he could really be of much help.  Still considering the moving home idea but it scalds my pride/self worth as foolish as that sounds.  I'm also scared of the complacency that may come if I live at home, dont have to pay rent/dont have to work.  Anyway, I'm rambling.  

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NotGettingBy

Right thank you

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NotGettingBy

It looks like i've gotten to the point where going on something might not be worth it.  I've only taken the prozac two days and I think I might do away with it.  It might take months to kick in and then having to wean off of that might be a step in the wrong direction.  

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NotGettingBy

Hey guys quick update.  Ended up sticking with the fluoxetine for the time being.  Suddenly felt ten times better on the third day of taking it.  Sticking to 4mg right now seems to take away most of the anxiety.  Bowel movements returned to normal almost instantly and some of the old side effects came back (sexual, headache, repressed emotions) but overall feeling better than without it.  I'm going to stick to 4mg for a little bit before i try weaning again.  

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KarenB

woohoo!  Must feel like such a relief.  You can use this time to really prepare/nurture/nourish yourself before your text taper.  Good plan not to rush anything - slow and steady. 

 

Karen

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Futurerecovery

Hey guys quick update.  Ended up sticking with the fluoxetine for the time being.  Suddenly felt ten times better on the third day of taking it.  Sticking to 4mg right now seems to take away most of the anxiety.  Bowel movements returned to normal almost instantly and some of the old side effects came back (sexual, headache, repressed emotions) but overall feeling better than without it.  I'm going to stick to 4mg for a little bit before i try weaning again.  

I thought your sex life was already dead because of cold turkey? So I wonder how sexual side effects could come back?

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NotGettingBy

I don't particularly consider self-arousal to be a 'sex life', but that is how I discovered the side effects this time around.  I'm unsure of the point of the question Futurerecovery, but there you have it.  

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