Sampo: I want to be me again after Sertraline!

[apace41]

Sampo,

 

That is awesome news.  Hopefully, we will be getting after you for a success story soon!

 

Keep up the good work!

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Sampo]

Sampo,

 

That is awesome news.  Hopefully, we will be getting after you for a success story soon!

 

Keep up the good work!

 

Best,

 

Andy

There is still long way to walk (earlier it was more like crawling) but at least I have found the right direction!

[Sampo]

Unfornately my condition is much worse than after my latest update. First of all I must say that Christmas time was very hard for me emotionally. I was on my parents and there it was too easy to realize how diferent my situation is. The sadest thing was that when I saw my sisters baby it gave me nothing emotions. Just feelings what is wrong with me, why I don't care? All of my relatives felt like strangers for me and my family too! The best thing was playing FIFA against my big brother. It was tiny moment when I felt some kind of connection to him like before.

 

And there's the same old problem what I have faced once before. When the weather is getting colder my body feels much colder. I'm freezing! Especially my legs are getting cold very easily even if I wear extra warm clothes. Now its hard to be at the outside because the temperature is under degree. I have weird pain in my groins and some times even in my testicles. Urinating is very hard too so maybe there is again some problems with the prostate. First prostate problems I got when I quit Sertraline at the first time. I don't know how to survive thru the winter if I can't even be at the outside properly? Its already too difficult to enjoy of normal things and now I have too much time with my mind!

 

New years eve was awful too. I spent it alone in my apartment. It was totally hell. I got just memories how fun it have been to celebrate that day before with my friends. If they had other plans I made new friends spontaneously. Now I was just alone in home with very dark thoughts. Mother, dad and my sister tried to call me and I couldn't pick up the phone and answer to them because I couldn't fake that everything is OK.

 

Hopely things are getting better soon. Maybe its time to fix my attitude again even if its very hard. Loneliness its hard. I still have friends but its hard to hang with them in this mood. Maybe I need a girl but it will be hard too because sex and loving is almost impossible now. I just need a caring person and warm hugs. I miss loving!

 

Now I hope that music will give me some comfort.

 

Maybe its time for melancholic song called "Superstar" performed by Sonic Youth.

[Sampo]

I think that it is good to mention that I don't need to sleep so much as earlier on this withdrawal. I used to sleep about ten hours in a night earlier but now eight hours is enough and I'm not tired at all during the whole day.

 

Slowly recovering continues. I still have PSSD, anhedonia and emotional anesthesia but I don't worry so much as earlier. I just try to live me life like nothing have happened. My mood is much beter what it was but it is hard to sort what have changed.

[AliG]

Sampo . That's great.     Even though some symptoms continue , it is possible to go on with your life. I think what  has changed is , that you are slowly healing. That is encouraging.

[Sampo]

I just want to say my life is so much better what it was. I even get chills some times from listening the music. I haven't worries at all. Maybe everything is going to be ok sooner than I thought when the withdrawal started. Still having syptoms but some how I feel myself quite happy even if I have emotional blunting.

 

I have thought that I may try Inositol for treating emotional numbness and PSSD because without those syptoms I feel quite healed at the moment. Is it good idea, could it be harmful for me and what are the risks of trying it? If it couldn't cause long term harm I will try it.

[Newbeginning]

Hi Sampo,

 

What made you think Inositol would help? Is your anhedonia mostly lack of feelings, or also lack of motivation or other issues?

 

I have not tried Inositol, but I can relate to the stress anhedonia causes. Mine is mostly behavioral (very low motivation).

 

Hopefully it will help you.

 

Best of luck,

 

NB

[Sampo]

Hi Sampo,

 

What made you think Inositol would help? Is your anhedonia mostly lack of feelings, or also lack of motivation or other issues?

 

I have not tried Inositol, but I can relate to the stress anhedonia causes. Mine is mostly behavioral (very low motivation).

 

Hopefully it will help you.

 

Best of luck,

 

NB

 

This topic inspired me to think might it be helpful for me:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10410-success-story-for-pssd-and-ongoing-discontinuation-symptoms-please-read/#entry189063

 

First I got problems with the low motivation too but the situation have came better. I have difficulties to get pleasure of things and I have lost stronger feelings. For example its very difficult to cry even if I have very good reason for that. Also I have lost my normal intrests and creativity.

 

Especialy inositol seems to solve some people's sexual problems which are caused by the meds. But I'm not sure will I try it. Some how I feel that my mood is so good that the inositol could fix rest of the biggest problems.

[AliG]

  S . It sounds like you're doing really well .  All of these symptoms are withdrawal .  Time and patience are " key " !!

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness/

 

Ali

[Sampo]

  S . It sounds like you're doing really well .  All of these symptoms are withdrawal .  Time and patience are " key " !!

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness/

 

Ali

 

Yeah I have same opinion as you and so many here. I'm not searching desperately way to treat rest of my syptoms. I just think that Inositol sounds like it might be helpful. I'm not sure yet will I try it. Need to read more information of it. If it doesn't work for me then I will just wait without trying other supplements.

[Sampo]

I ordered inositol from the iherb few days ago so no its last moments to say don't try it!

[Sampo]

Hi!

 

I decided to give a update how I feel at the moment. First of all I have to say that inositol didn't do wonders for me. At the begining my sleeping was deeper and on the second day I had an erotic dream. Maybe it gave little boost for my creativity for a little time but nothing else positive happened to me. Side effects were diarrhea and gas. Most of the time my dose was 18 grams. I took it maybe about three weeks.

 

Emotional anesthesia and PSSD are driving me crazy. I want to even have ability to cry or get angry. For that reason I don't know how to ease my pain. I do some things but unfornately I can't get pleasure of anything. I have met an intresting girl. She is nearly like what I was few years before when these drugs ruined my life. She is very qute and smart person. Unfornately my emotions are so badly blunted so I don't feel properly how lovely she is. I just know that she seems to be almost perfect person for me but I also want to feel it. It is so nice to be with her and usually I forget my problems when I'm with her. But sex don't work at all. I know that she is good looking and there is nothing wrong with her. I just can't get aroused when I'm with her what ever she does. That is so wrong to me and her too. She have been very understanding when I have told her about my condition but I don't know how long it takes time that I will see sexual improvements. Now everything is ok but I don't know what will happen in the long run. I don't want to lose her. Of course I have fears of that am I one of those cases who will never recover.

 

I have started drinking again. It gives some comfort to me but I know that it isn't the solution. I don't know what is! It also help me to enjoy music. That is little odd that music sounds good and I have more feelings when I have drinked. Maybe I have lost hope. I have dark even suicidal thoughts some times. I don't think that I'm going to do anything at the moment but I don't know what I'm going to do in the future if I don't see the light. Many times I have thought should I start to take opiates. I was a year without any dopes but once during that year I took tea what was made of poppies and my lipido returned and it stayed for a week. But it was just a lipido. Still the scale of emotions were almost zero.

 

I need help but I don't know do anybody know how to solve this situation.

[JanCarol]

Hey Sampo - more music, less drink?

 

The drinking may feel good while you do it, but it will slow your progress in the long run.  Do you want your healing to take longer?  Additionally, it is a bit anaesthetic - so it will deaden feelings over the long run.

 

Congratulations on meeting someone special - it is awesome that she understands your difficulty.  If I know girls - the other things you do - talking, nuzzling, cuddling, are just as important as the act itself.  You can maintain a relationship without the sexual stuff - people have been doing that for centuries, as it was culturally forbidden by so many societies!  There are so many ways to show her that you care, that don't involve actual sex.  So take the pressure off of yourself, and let the relationship develop naturally - and hopefully she will understand that it may take you awhile to heal.

 

What I think you will find is that while you are drinking you feel fine, but you will pay a price later.  Please use care and moderation, it is a substance that affects your GABA and other neurotransmitters.  It's like - the original psych (anti-anxiety) drug, and is as addicting as a benzo. 

 

I am pretty much drink free - but I realize it is a lot to ask of someone else, especially a young male like yourself.  So please, take care and use moderation when you drink - and pay attention to the side effects of drinking.  What does the next day feel like?  Especially if you don't drink again?  If it is causing problems, or makes you want to drink again - then it's probably not a good idea for you.

 

You will get better, most people do get better - but the less you tamper with your healing - the more you wait patiently - the less bumpy the ride will be.  Take care!

[Sampo]

Hey Sampo - more music, less drink?

 

The drinking may feel good while you do it, but it will slow your progress in the long run.  Do you want your healing to take longer?  Additionally, it is a bit anaesthetic - so it will deaden feelings over the long run.

 

Congratulations on meeting someone special - it is awesome that she understands your difficulty.  If I know girls - the other things you do - talking, nuzzling, cuddling, are just as important as the act itself.  You can maintain a relationship without the sexual stuff - people have been doing that for centuries, as it was culturally forbidden by so many societies!  There are so many ways to show her that you care, that don't involve actual sex.  So take the pressure off of yourself, and let the relationship develop naturally - and hopefully she will understand that it may take you awhile to heal.

 

What I think you will find is that while you are drinking you feel fine, but you will pay a price later.  Please use care and moderation, it is a substance that affects your GABA and other neurotransmitters.  It's like - the original psych (anti-anxiety) drug, and is as addicting as a benzo. 

 

I am pretty much drink free - but I realize it is a lot to ask of someone else, especially a young male like yourself.  So please, take care and use moderation when you drink - and pay attention to the side effects of drinking.  What does the next day feel like?  Especially if you don't drink again?  If it is causing problems, or makes you want to drink again - then it's probably not a good idea for you.

 

You will get better, most people do get better - but the less you tamper with your healing - the more you wait patiently - the less bumpy the ride will be.  Take care!

 

Your advice about increasing listening music is good. The problem is that it is so hard to get any pleasure from listening it. Anyway I still listening it. But somehow alcohol help me to enjoy things. I know that drinking isn't good in the long run but some times I think that I'm not sure how long I will run. It is so hard to find any hope in this grayness.

 

Hangovers are very bad nowadays especially emotionally. But atleast I get bigger scale of feelings! Yesterday I drank beer 2,5 litres. Odd thing was that it didn't put music sound better yesterday but today music sound so much better than it normally sounds. And in the long time sunshine brings good vibes to me.

 

Thanks for the support. Fear don't ease relationships. Maybe I just need to trust that everything will get better and she will wait.

[KarenB]

I always think that issues like this provide a good way of knowing whether someone loves you for who you are, or just what they can get from you. 

 

As JC says love and affection can take many forms.  When my relationship with my husband became affected by this issue, I really struggled with it.  I was so stuck on having the usual things of a relationship.  Now, years and years later, we still have those same issues, but I'm quite at peace with them, and in fact am really thankful for all the things I've discovered in our relationship as a result. 

 

It's very true that sometimes the 'hard road' leads you to a better place.  There is a depth in our relationship that I am quite sure wouldn't be there if it had been all plain-sailing. 

 

So, look for what you wouldn't normally look for, provide some quite spaces where the new ways can emerge. 

 

Wishing you well,

Karen

[Sampo]

I always think that issues like this provide a good way of knowing whether someone loves you for who you are, or just what they can get from you. 

 

As JC says love and affection can take many forms.  When my relationship with my husband became affected by this issue, I really struggled with it.  I was so stuck on having the usual things of a relationship.  Now, years and years later, we still have those same issues, but I'm quite at peace with them, and in fact am really thankful for all the things I've discovered in our relationship as a result. 

 

It's very true that sometimes the 'hard road' leads you to a better place.  There is a depth in our relationship that I am quite sure wouldn't be there if it had been all plain-sailing. 

 

So, look for what you wouldn't normally look for, provide some quite spaces where the new ways can emerge. 

 

Wishing you well,

Karen

Thank you for your supportive words!

 

[Sampo]

Hi!

It seems that I have written to here over year ago. So maybe it's time to give some information of my situation. Maybe it will give hope to someones.

 

First of all I want to say that my situation is better now. I have still same syptoms than earlier but life feel much more life nowadays. I have played guitar sometimes. Sometimes I feel that I'm quite creative but some times its like that I don't no what to do with the instrument. The biggest difference is that I don't get so frustrated like earlier on this withdrawal if music don't give chills, feelings or I can't improvise. Sometimes I'm able to relax by listening music like people normally are.

 

I like to say something about my sexuality. It isn't what it was and libido still is quite dead but my ability to handle things in the bed its much more better than earlier. Even if I have bad libido some how I like to have sex with my girl friend quite often. Maybe the reason for that is the fact that sex is the most extremeliest way to be physically close to someone that you love.

 

I have noticed that anxiety and depressive thoughts have come back. It's hard because I can't cry yet or I don't have any other ways to handle those thoughts. I just need to be patient but its hard sometimes. I found it comforting to think that those feelings are little signs of some emotional healing.

 

For me the easiest way to handle this withdrawal is living healthy. Being with closest friends is good thing. I avoid people who are too disbalanced because I'm too weak at the moment for drama and negative emotions (I have those enough in my own head because of my condition). I also avoid being to much front of screens and in strong lights. Candles in the dark room and listening an interesting speak programes from the radio while laying on my own bed are good combination.

 

I just try to say everything is going to be ok. It just takes time.

[ChessieCat]

Hi Sampo,

 

Thank you for taking the time to come back here and give us an update.

 

It seems like you have been able to accept your situation which allows you to relax.  Being able to do this helps you to enjoy things on your good days.

 

It's also good that you are aware of situations and things which are detrimental to your wellbeing and choosing things which aren't.

 

Continue taking care of yourself.

[Sampo]

Now I'm single again. PSSD wasn't the thing why all end but maybe it has tiny role with that. So now I feel little more emptier than usually during on this WD but I think that I will have less stress after my decision. She just wasn't right person for me on this moment.

 

I have started to think (or worry) more about other syptoms than PSSD, anhedonia and emotional anesthesia. One of those things is the condition of my stomach. It is very bad. I have tried to eat very healthy and I have took probiotics almost withouth any help. I think that stress have caused it partially but on the other hand unproperly working stomach is quite stressful thing by itself. If I feel physically bad I feel mentally bad too. I have tried to notice did I have had new sensitives for some foods during on this WD but I can't say any food for a sure which aren't good for me. I think that if I find the way to fix this it will help to fix other things easier too.

 

Other thing what bothers me is exercising. Stomach have role with that too because it's hard to do anything if it's hard to eat anything. But maybe the biggest reasons why it's hard are that the exercising usually have caused to me foggy feeling and mild head aches. I have even think should I end playing soccer even if it is fun because it could cause bad feelings physically? On the other hand I think that I have to do something because I have started to loose muscles and it has caused aches for example to my back and chest.

 

If you have any advices please tell me.

[Bobo32]

hi Sampo,

 

how are you feeling now? do you have any improvements with anhedonia and PSSD? can those conditions get any better? any success stories with those two conditions?

[Kiaza]

Sampo your situation sounds so much like mine. Though I'm in bad physical health because exercising makes me feel really bad. I feel that I am not myself anymore. Sometimes I get glimpses of my old sensitive creative self, especially with my mom. You're from Finland? I'm too. Let's hope we'll recover

[Sampo]

Sampo your situation sounds so much like mine. Though I'm in bad physical health because exercising makes me feel really bad. I feel that I am not myself anymore. Sometimes I get glimpses of my old sensitive creative self, especially with my mom. You're from Finland? I'm too. Let's hope we'll recover

 

Yeah I'm Finn! I will write PM to you soon. It is so much easier to use finnish to me!

 

 

hi Sampo,

 

how are you feeling now? do you have any improvements with anhedonia and PSSD? can those conditions get any better? any success stories with those two conditions?

 

I see that you are confused and scared about things what have happened to you. So was I when I found myself first time in this situation. Sad to hear that you must face all this too. But first of all you need to relax some how. Just accept the situation and believe that it will change. It's very hard, I know that too well by myself but when the time moves on it's getting easier to handle this all.

 

I have tiny improvements with all those syptoms that you mentioned. Scroll up a little and check the information from this topic. Today I have been desperate with this condition but I know that soon I will have better days emotionally. You can find succes stories from in this forums and from other sites. You just need to be patient and belive that everything will change better. The right attitude help you to reach the goal!

 

In the end I have to say that I'm very sad because I heard yesterday about the death of Chris Cornell. He was a great singer and musician and very important idol to me especially when I was younger. So yesterday I listened Soundgarden and it sounded good! Rest in peace man! You put me feel something very strong even then when it is almost impossible. Luckily the music lives for ever!

[Bobo32]

Does it mean that you think this state following SSRIs can reverse and we can be ourselves again ? Or do we have to accept that nothing will be the same again ?

[Sampo]

Does it mean that you think this state following SSRIs can reverse and we can be ourselves again ? Or do we have to accept that nothing will be the same again ?

 

I just believe that everything will be all right. No one can say it for sure what the future is going to be but it's better to be hopeful than swear that the rest of life is ruined. Anyway there are many examples of healing. I also think that maybe there is some reason for that what have happened to me. Personally this all have teached me very much even if it have been very tough way to learn things about life. When I'm unable to live the hedonistic way that I used to live before WD I see more clearier what is happening in the world and what problems we have in western way of life. These drugs are one example of how sick our world really is! 

 

The most important thing isn't what I think. It's more important to you what YOU think. You need to work with that thing. But I understand you well because I have same thoughts often but those thoughts don't help me at all. Luckily we have other things in our lives than those what we can't do now. Now we have to live healthy  and trust that the time will heal us and we will eventually be what we really are. At least we can learn to live with problems that we have.

[Sampo]

Now it feels that there isn't hope. I can't move foward with my life. Nothing gives any pleasure. I have tried to live and do things that I used to like before this wd but everything feel so pointless. I miss the past. I miss the times when I was able to feel normally. I miss the times when I have lot of intrests and the music meaned so much to me. I miss love and times when girls seemed so good. Now I feel so old even if I'm just 28 years old. It feels like that I have already lived my life. I don't fear the death. I fear that nothing chances in my life. Usually I have very suicidal thoughts and I can't speak about those to no one. Even the psychologists can't understand what is going on. They usually say that I have depression. Of course I have depressive feelings but it isn't the whole truth! There are reasons behind those feelings that nobody can understand.

 

My body feels so unnormal. I still got same problems that I have mentioned earlier. It is very frustrating and I fear that nothing changes. I have even difficulties with sleeping because I wake up usually every night because it feels that my legs are freezing. My legs and hands feel cold now too even if I'm inside and I have wool socks. If someone have had the same problem please tell me what helps!

 

I'm sorry that I complain so much but I wrote all of this because I feel so hopeless. It feels that I have to cry but unfornately I can't.

[potions]

I’m sorry to hear that Sampo . I hope you’re doing a little better now?

[MMMM]

Hi @Sampo how are you these days?