KLA324 - Need guidance to get off this cocktail please

[KLA324]

Got it, Fresh.  To clarify though...I only took 19 of the 30 Phentermine and the same on the Trazodone. Neither was taken for years.

 

I started the Sertraline (in varying doses) in 2013 and stopped taking it in May/June 2015. Nothing after that until I was given Trazodone for sleep and Phentermine to combat the Sertraline weight gain. I took both those for the 19 days sometime in Sept and quit both CT on 10/2 - thus getting me to where I am now.

 

But I hear ya loud and clear. Throwing out the calendar and waiting until I am stable. It may be wise to wait until after Thanksgiving. I expect to experience a ton of stress during that time.

 

Karen

[KLA324]

Hit kind of a wave today. I think it is self-induced stress caused by thinking about a reduction in my dose of Citalopram.

 

I haven't cried but feel I am on the verge. More things at work are getting on my nerves today - people's voices, etc.

 

How will I know when it is time to start reducing? I don't want to be on this poison for life but what if I crash again?

 

I'm trying to slow my brain down but the thoughts are racing.

 

Luckily it's time to leave work and go home to snuggle with my dogs.

 

Karen

[KarenB]

Each time you experience a wave, it is a sign that healing is taking place and your brain is making further adjustments.  So it's hard, but good. 

 

It can be difficult to accurately plan ahead, so the best idea is to play it by ear and listen closely to your body - which is your best guide.  You mentioned waiting till after thanksgiving, and that makes sense.  When you get to that point, wait till you're in a settled place and then you could consider further tapering. 

 

Sorry today was rough for you,

 

Hugs,

KarenB

[KLA324]

Thank you, Karen. It means so much to have others with me on this journey... even if it's only thru online.

 

Hope you are doing well.

[Fresh]

You'll know it's time to start reducing when you haven't had any symptoms for a month.

 

Until you get stable , it's easier to track the short periods you feel okay.  

It's a bit like one big wave at the moment.

Thanks for clarifying the phentermine and trazodone.  

 

Thanksgiving is a couple of weeks away , right?  

I believe if you start to taper then , you'll be doing yourself a disservice and sabotaging the taper from the get-go.

I've seen so many other people on this site do the same thing , and they get sick again pretty quickly.

[KLA324]

Thank you, Fresh. What you said makes sense. When I get overly anxious to speed up this process I will come back and read the advice I've been given.

 

I've got a lot going on other than the AD issue. My daughter is still not speaking to me which is weighing heavily on me. I need to make sure everything in my life is settled a bit before thinking about tapering.

 

Hope everyone has a joyful weekend.

 

Karen

[starburst]

Hit kind of a wave today. I think it is self-induced stress caused by thinking about a reduction in my dose of Citalopram.

 

I haven't cried but feel I am on the verge. More things at work are getting on my nerves today - people's voices, etc.

 

 

 

Yes, I can relate to that. Too many thoughts. Too much thinking. Try to distract your thoughts and think on better things. And I also relate to feeling irritated  by people right now. I was in the garden earlier and was getting frustrated at people who were driving past me as I was working on the garden bed. As if they didn't have a right to enter my little world!

 

How will I know when it is time to start reducing? I don't want to be on this poison for life but what if I crash again?

 

I'm trying to slow my brain down but the thoughts are racing.

 

Luckily it's time to leave work and go home to snuggle with my dogs.

 

Karen

 

I would wait until you have felt reasonably 'normal' for at least six weeks. That is only my opinion and you are free to ignore it! Just remember that it isn't a race. The desired effect is that you are able to live a productive and normal life during the process. If you feel in the least bit unstable then it probably isn't a good idea to go ahead and taper. 

 

There are days when I wish it was all over and I could just ditch the last 5mg of lexapro and be done with it. But I know better than that, in all honesty the journey of withdrawal may only just be beginning at that stage. Some people seem to cruise for six months or more until protracted withdrawal symptoms begin. From what I have read here it seems to be more prominent in people who rushed the tapering process, although that is not the same for everyone. 

 

The situation with your daughter is difficult. But there is a chance it won't fix itself quickly either. You need to focus on yourself, making sure that you are eating well, taking care of yourself, perhaps doing a bit of exercise. All these things will benefit you when you make the decision to start tapering. Life will always throw stress our way and I know now that in my situation a pill won't take that stress away. All it did for me was turn me in to a zombie who didn't care about much at all. Having feelings, emotions, is important whether they be happy ones or sad ones. It is part of life. 

 

If I were you I would get through the Holiday season and see how you feel after that. Thanksgiving followed by Christmas can be a joyous time for many but a very stressful time for others. 

 

Take care my friend x

[AliG]

Hi Karen,

 

I agree with Starburst , formerly known as"  Princess Starburst ".  LOL.    !! 

 

We are always going to have " stuff": going on with our kids .  I do, too !   I have come to the conclusion , that we can't wait for them to get " sorted".  We have to do it  - now !! (  get ourselves sorted .)   Then " move on " !!  They will work , themselves out !!

 

Hugs,

 

Ali.

[KLA324]

Awwww... Starburst and Ali, you both always know the right things to say!

 

Yes, the issue with my daughter is extremely upsetting but it's her issue. The part that affects me the most is that I'm not able to see my 4 year old twin granddaughters. They only live 5 mins from me and I've not gone longer than a week without seeing them since they were born. 

 

Karen

[AliG]

 Karen,

 

Quite honestly , I don't know about that  ( grandkids ) . If My daughter wasn't a " gypsy ", I could  be there , as well . . 

 

I hope it works out , Karen.   I know what it's like .

 

I'm going through it too. My daughter has just moved " permanently"  to  London !!  Says she isn't coming home  ...... ever !

 

how are we expected to deal with that ?

 

Hugs ,

 

Ali.

[KLA324]

I know that must be tough, Ali. I hope your daughter doesn't stay away long.

 

For me, I don't even know what I did wrong.  I'm supposed to be a mind reader, I guess. Its like being accused and convicted without knowing what the crime is.

 

Well I woke up to another anxiety free morning--- thank God. Now I just need to get thru the weekend. I seem to manage my anxiety a lot better during the week when I have to go into my office. I have a difficult time relaxing when I'm home alone all weekend.

 

Karen

[AliG]

Hi Karen,

 

" Anxiety  free  morning . "  Yayy !!

 

That sounds good .   I hope it keeps up .

 

Hugs ,

 

Ali.

[starburst]

Karen, I never spoke to my mother for two years (long story) but during that time she never stopped loving on my children (her grandchildren) she still posted them birthday cards and sent them presents. Finally I stopped being selfish and reconciled with her. It was hard to keep being angry with someone who was showering love on my family. I am so thankful that she did that. In contrast my mother in law and I had a fallout seven years ago (She told me that she didn't believe in depression and it was all in my head!) so I asked her to leave my house. She told me that if she left she would never come back and I told her that was her decision. True to her word she left our lives and our children's lives. She has ignored birthdays, christmas and even weddings. She has missed out on so much because of her own bitterness. True love conquers all in the end. 

[KLA324]

(((Starburst))) Thank you so much for sharing that with me.  I'm sorry for how your mother in law is treating you... that can't be easy. But I'm happy you and your mom have reconciled and I hope I am able to report the same very soon.  It breaks my heart every day to not see my grandchildren. I always thought my daughter and I were so close.  Boy was I wrong!

[KarenB]

I remember reading years ago that the mother-daughter relationship can be a very tricky one indeed.  Didn't really appreciate what it meant until lately when (a) I've been reconnecting with my own mother after about 4-5 years not talking to her, and in May my eldest daughter turning 13. 

 

All these disconnections - it's so sad.  I really hope your daughter gets through whatever it is and re-connects with you as soon as possible. 

 

Hugs,

KarenB

[KLA324]

Thank you, Karen. I pray for the same. If she would just tell me what I've done or said wrong, I would apologize. 

 

Teens are never easy but I do agree that its different with girls. My son was and still is a joy in my life at the age of 28. He tells me all the time what a great mom I've been and how I did everything I could to give him a great life... taught him how to treat others... and instilled in him good morals and values. So at least I know I did a good job.

 

The important thing is, I am trying not to put too much focus or energy into that situation and to instead use that time to work on my healing.  That way if/when she decides to allow me back into her life, I can be a stronger person. I'm still continuing on the same dosage for now. The weekend went OK...I kept very busy which helped my mindset. Still no morning anxiety which I am thankful for.

 

Healing thoughts to you all,

Karen

[KarenB]

I think you have the right focus Karen.  You sound like you have been a wonderful mother to both your children.

 

Hugs,

KarenB

 

PS just looked at my last post, and have no idea how that smiley-face with sunglasses got in there in such a random place.  Must have seemed a bit strange when you read it...

[KLA324]

Hugs to you, Karen.

 

I feel being a mom has given my life purpose and is something I enjoyed every day since they were born.

 

So I'm going to try something new tonight. Before bed I always take the 10mg Citalopram, 50mg of Magnesium, drink chamomile tea and take 2 OTC sleep pills (Simply Sleep). I'm going to see how well I sleep not taking the Simply Sleep.  I don't feel I'm dependent on them but the label says not to take for longer than 2 weeks and I've been taking them for 3 weeks. I think at this point its more psychological than anything. 

 

Wish me luck!

 

Healing thoughts to everyone,

Karen

[AliG]

 Hi Karen,

 

Maybe , cut to one , first .  Taper.   It's an Anti- Histamine , and probably needs to be tapered, as well. 

 

Anyway, good luck with that.  I hope it works for you. 

 

Hugs,

 

Ali. 

[Martina23]

Thank you, Karen. I pray for the same. If she would just tell me what I've done or said wrong, I would apologize. 

 

Teens are never easy but I do agree that its different with girls. My son was and still is a joy in my life at the age of 28. He tells me all the time what a great mom I've been and how I did everything I could to give him a great life... taught him how to treat others... and instilled in him good morals and values. So at least I know I did a good job.

 

The important thing is, I am trying not to put too much focus or energy into that situation and to instead use that time to work on my healing.  That way if/when she decides to allow me back into her life, I can be a stronger person. I'm still continuing on the same dosage for now. The weekend went OK...I kept very busy which helped my mindset. Still no morning anxiety which I am thankful for.

 

Healing thoughts to you all,

Karen

We have also difficult relationship with my mother. But you are right, that the relationship the mother -son is already naturally better. I also feel it with my son and daughter. My son likes very much to cuddle with me and always try to be near me. My daughter not, she is very independent, and if I am not "obedient", she starts so much to cry until I make what she wants ...

 

 

I think this with your daughter will solve itself. You have to give it a time. It would be great if you both could sit together and talk what is the problem, it would also strenghten your relationship for the future. I am sure she loves you, I told already my mother so much nonsence and I like her still.

[KLA324]

(((Ali))) I chickened out and took my normal dose. I will try your suggestion tonight and cut one tablet.

 

(((Martina))) Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I would love to sit and talk with my daughter but she has my phone calls and texts blocked. But...my mom is coming to town in a few weeks and staying with my daughter. She is aware of all that's gone on and she says my daughter is being an ungrateful brat (her words but I kinda feel the same) and that she is going to have a "talk" with her about a few things. Maybe that will help...maybe it won't.

 

I hope you both are having a good week,

Karen

[JanCarol]

Hey KLA - I'm glad to see you are going slow!  While you are waiting to taper, please consider these.  They are not titled correctly, methinks they should be called "6 things to get in order before you taper."

 

Psych Central 6 Ways to Prepare for Antidepressant Withdrawal

 

You've already got several of these going for you - now it's just a matter of waiting for the symptoms to settle.

 

I love Starburst's suggestion to continue to shower your grandchildren with love - even when you have no access to them....even if you have to send them through your daughter's father?  (because the daughter could censor packages, cards, and gifts).  It's a way of keeping you alive in their awareness, and of "pouring heaping coals" on your daughters head (I'm not sure about the phrase - in my Christian upbringing, we interpreted that phrase as "killing them with kindness.")

 

I hope you see the sun today!  It is sweltering here in Oz - I'm off to take my sunwalk, and it's gonna be a hottie!

[JanCarol]

Hey Karen - 

 

After a sleep, I thought about your vitamin D.  Certainly 9 is very very low, and it may take some time to get that up.

 

But if you are in withdrawal (you are) it can be very activating, and 100,000 iu might be too much!   Track your symptoms when you take the Vit D to see if you have better or worse days around that dose (I realize you only take it once a week).  

 

You might consider getting some OTC D at a lower dose - say 10,000 or 5,000 IU and take that smaller amount daily as that would be more stabilizing.

 

I realize that is not what your doctor suggested, and I realize that your Vitamin D levels are dangerously low.  I am, however, suggesting that you pay more attention to your Vitamin D, to make sure it isn't increasing your symptoms, and then adjust your protocol accordingly.

 

Additionally, if you are on Vitamin D (I am, many of us are, 80% of Americans are deficient in some way), it ENHANCES your time in the sun.  If you can, spend 5-10 minutes in the sun each day as a stabilizing factor.  But I'd rather see you on 70,000 IU a week (10,000 iu per day) than 100,000 iu ONCE a week, and add 10 min of sunlight, than to put a spike in your routine with a big dose once a week.  Just my preference.  You can read more, here:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/39-vitamin-d3-cholecalciferol-or-calcitriol/

[KLA324]

Hello to everyone that I may have communicated with in the past. I just wanted to give a quick update since I know a lot of people who have success stories never seem to return here to post.

 

I am happy to say that I have been completely off all medications since the beginning of December. The only thing I am now taking are the large doses of Vitamin D each week - which definitely has helped since my level has now reached 67.

 

I do occasionally (if I have had a stressful day at work and cannot turn off my brain) take 1 dose of the OTC med Simply Sleep.

 

Other than that, no more drugs.

 

I hope that everyone here is continuing with their own personal road to recovery with baby steps. Do what is right for you and your body. May God Bless You All. 

 

Karen

[KarenB]

Three months!!  Thanks so much for popping back in to let us know.  We'd love to hear from you every now and then.  Just keep everything nice and steady.