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IHadPassion

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Irresponsible psychiatry has cost me nearly everything I had.

 

It's been a year since I rapidly tapered off of Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall (20mg), both of which I was on because I had developed a physical dependence to Ativan which I had been prescribed for social and relationship anxiety. I had never suffered depression or suicidal ideations prior to taking the SSRI/Amphet combo.  But let's back up even further.  I was a Naval Officer, with two graduate degrees in engineering from a prestigious engineering school in Cambridge, MA.  A published author, athlete, outdoor enthusiast, etc.  I had anxiety as a kid, but always got over it and managed to deal with the obsessive thoughts.  I had passion for my job and my life.  

 

Fast forward to today...I've since had to leave active duty, have lost my civilian job, spent a week in a psychiatric institution, suffer unimaginable tension headaches, suicidal ideations, speech difficulties, memory issues, and most days am not able to get out of bed.  I currently see a psychologist, and have refused to get back on an SSRI, which is what numerous psychiatrists have recommended.  I'm currently being considered for TMS treatment.

 

I'm seeking others who have been on both an SSRI and psycho stimulant for a period of time at the prescription of their doctor and what their experience has been.  I believe I suffered mild, sub-clinical serotonin toxicity while on the two drugs and at this point have little faith that my brain will heal and return to its original state.

 

Thanks for the support.

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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Welcome -

 

You're not alone, many here have lost jobs and encountered extreme personal challenges in the face of side effects and protracted withdrawal effects of SSRI usage.

 

Right now it may not seem that you will heal, but healing will occur. It just takes time. You just need to hang in there.

 

Healing takes place over time, usually following a "windows and waves" pattern. You can read about that here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

A moderator should be along soon to assist you further.

Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  

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Hello! I went to college in Boston, too :-) It is very normal to still be in withdrawal at 1 yr off. I was only on ADs for 2 months and stopped cold turkey and have lived a nightmare for 6.5 months so far. I feel like I have been injected with speed or something my mind goes nuts and crazy physical sensations. I cannot drive or go anywhere by myself. I have two kids and my husband has to work from home I'm so bad. So, this all is completely normal to go through. You mentioned Ativan. Did you withdraw from that? If so, how long ago?

Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus).

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Hello, I pity you so much. It must be terrible to lose everything. On the other hand when your brain recovers, you can find a good job again. I also almost lost my job, when I c/ted Lyrica the first time. I had such bouts of crying. I could not work really. I also went one week to the psychiatry. And I was afraid to lose my children, I got from these drugs violent morbid thoughts as a withdrawal symptom. I had luck to have quite understanding boss. I explained her the situation and she was also kind enough to look with me for psychologist and did not kick me out. I am the second try to be off the drugs- currently three months- and will see how it goes. Martina

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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  • Moderator

Welcome aboard IHadPassion--  I'm so glad you could join us.  I'm very sorry to hear the problems that these drugs have caused you and the suffering you've had to endure.  I'll tell you right off though, It will get better.

 

Fast tapering off of two drugs at the same time will destabilize your entire nervous system, as you are finding out.  It then takes time, a lot of time for the system to sort itself out and return to normal.  All the symptoms you're describing are typical of just such a taper.  Unfortunately the the repercussions are all too common too.  Here are some inks that will help you understand what is happening:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome? 

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Taper more than one drug at a time?

 

If the symptoms are at the unbearable level, sometimes taking a little "hair of the dog" can be helpful.  One or two mgs of the paxil could take the edge off:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

 

Thank you for adding a signature block, it really helps us to see things clearly.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Administrator

Welcome, IHad.

 

What are your symptoms now? Has your symptom pattern changed since you went off Paxil and Adderall a year ago? Why were you hospitalized?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thank you all for the response.

 

None of these existed prior to treatment:

 

-Speech difficulties (mild stutter, difficulty pronouncing words) which I never had before (remained constant in year since)

-Continuous tension in my jaw 

-Stressed induced bruxism and cheek biting (decreased in frequency, reappears with moderate stress)

-Depersonalization (remained the same)

-Major Depressive Disorder (progressively gotten worse as symptoms fail to subside) 

-Numbers racing in head (decreased in frequency, reappears with moderate stress)

-Reduction in stress threshold and emotional level

-Noticeable drop in cognitive capacity

-Sensitivity to light and noise

 

I was hospitalized for uncontrolled suicidal ideations at about 6 months post medication.  More of a safety measure since my wife didn't know what else to do with me.  I've since had several similar instances of the same severity that I probably should have been hospitalized for but refused to be due to the first hospitalization experience.  My family has essentially made it impossible for me to harm myself within the confines of our home.  

 

Again, I'm fairly convinced that while on the Paxil/Add XR combo I was suffering mild, though cumulative, serotonin toxicity which has left me in the condition I am today.  I did experience and reported the agitation, mania, muscle tension and spasms to my psych, but his stance, which I followed, was that if I wasn't hospitalized, it couldn't be serotonin syndrome.

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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Just a note, but I've been reading through posts by Oskcajga and I have nearly the same prescription history and post-medication symptoms.  Almost scary how similar our cases are.

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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Irresponsible psychiatry has cost me nearly everything I had.

 

It's been a year since I rapidly tapered off of Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall (20mg), both of which I was on because I had developed a physical dependence to Ativan which I had been prescribed for social and relationship anxiety. I had never suffered depression or suicidal ideations prior to taking the SSRI/Amphet combo.  But let's back up even further.  I was a Naval Officer, with two graduate degrees in engineering from a prestigious engineering school in Cambridge, MA.  A published author, athlete, outdoor enthusiast, etc.  I had anxiety as a kid, but always got over it and managed to deal with the obsessive thoughts.  I had passion for my job and my life.  

 

Fast forward to today...I've since had to leave active duty, have lost my civilian job, spent a week in a psychiatric institution, suffer unimaginable tension headaches, suicidal ideations, speech difficulties, memory issues, and most days am not able to get out of bed.  I currently see a psychologist, and have refused to get back on an SSRI, which is what numerous psychiatrists have recommended.  I'm currently being considered for TMS treatment.

 

I'm seeking others who have been on both an SSRI and psycho stimulant for a period of time at the prescription of their doctor and what their experience has been.  I believe I suffered mild, sub-clinical serotonin toxicity while on the two drugs and at this point have little faith that my brain will heal and return to its original state.

 

Thanks for the support.

 

As you mentioned in my introduction topic, we do have somewhat similar backgrounds prior to being injured by psychiatry.  To be honest, I'm really impressed with your background - the combination of military + civilian really speaks to your abilities.

 

I wanted to quickly comment on my experience with TMS that you're considering, as I did 38 treatments of this back 2.5 years ago right in the beginning of withdrawal in an attempt to help me deal with depression and overcome withdrawals.  Bottom line:  it really didn't help, and MAY have made things worse.  I honestly don't know, it's impossible to tell.

 

Unfortunately Paxil is well known to cause many of the complications that you have reported here - there was a massive lawsuit back in the late 1990s on Paxil for these very issues (in addition to many more).

 

I'm honestly not entirely sure what to make of the more significant falls from functionality that I've read on here - I haven't really found any good "advice" that has made me say "ohhh, OK well now I feel very hopeful about my situation I'm so glad you brought this to my attention".  If I could give any advice to someone new to this, I'd say "Above all else, secure some form of income that will last long enough to see you through this process".

 

Aside from that, please note that I have gotten quite a bit better since the WORST times, I would estimate that in 3-9 months I could hold down a full time job (not a good one, but one that will allow me to make a living and survive).  I have no idea how long it will take for me to return to my previous state, but I have read stories of individuals recovering after 4-9 years, so I hold out for that (although at that point all my old connections from academia would be more or less dead and I'd have to start over from scratch - which is quite heartbreaking, and I'm sure you can relate to that feeling of loss of hard work).

 

Hang in there, those symptoms do get better with time.

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  • Administrator

It is possible that all those symptoms, as well as the spells of "suicidal ideation," are from withdrawal syndrome.

 

It could be that your system never got along well with Paxil and Adderall.

 

You may want to get a bite guard to wear at night to protect your teeth and jaw. Acupuncture can help with the muscle tension.

 

See our Symptoms and Self-care forum  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/for suggestions about how to cope with symptoms.

 

Please read What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Alto, appreciate the suggestions.  This is one point I'm having great difficulty communicating to people.  I'm depressed and suicidal because I have lost a significant ability to develop thoughts and communicate (along with the lack of emotions).  Mainly verbally, but also in written communication.  I'll start a sentence and half way through, my mind goes blank.  And I mean full blank as in I have no idea what the conversation was about in the first place.  Not like anxiety induced, I feel overwhelmed blank (I know what that feels like because I overcame it a decade ago).  I mean BLANK, EMPTY, HOLLOW, VOID.  I used to be a great orator and public speaker and now I can hardly hold an intelligible conversation with my family.  THIS is what is causing the depression.  I'm not just depressed because I'm off the meds, I'm depressed because I have lost my reasons for living, my self-motivation, my inspiration, my cognitive and problem solving abilities which I spent three decades honing and developing.  The persistent cognitive dysfunction, issues with spacial awareness and derealization of my everyday life.  This started while on the medications and has persisted at the same level for over a year and a half with no change.  I went through the acute withdrawal stage(flu-like symptoms, brain zaps, etc).  The question then is when does withdrawal become permanent damage/alteration?  2 years? 5 years? 10 years?   I know the brain is powerful and has shown significant healing and 're-wiring' abilities. But how much of my life do I have to lose before I have any semblance of who I once was?

 

I'm just at a loss for words for how medications such as these can still be prescribed.  I understand the medical industrial complex (I used to work in the military industrial complex) and know that these medications can assist people with major psychological issues, but what has happened to me and I imagine hundreds of thousands of others (probably millions) to some extent, is beyond tragic.  I wake up every morning not knowing who I am, not having an ounce of pride or caring about the world around me.  My family will not accept that my brain has been (potentially?/most likely?) irreversibly altered and continue to label me as a hypochondriac, telling me to get back on the medications that have caused all of this is the first place. 

 

I had it all and now I have nothing.  I never could understand how people reach a point in their life where suicide appeared like the only option, and now I know.  Self pity never got anyone anywhere, but when you no longer are yourself, the person you've been for three decades and were intended to be for a lifetime, there is nothing left but pity.

 

Oddly enough I believe my wife has unknowingly suffered a similar, though less distressful experience.  She had a few panic attacks in middle school and was put on Prozac for 6-7 years.  Prior to the panic attacks she tells me she was a grade 'A' student, no issues with focus, communication, or thinking, just the occasional anxiety.  When she was eventually taken off the medications, after a year-long weaning, she was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, ADHD and dyslexia.    Huh, so the only thing that changed between Time A and Time B was 6-7 years ingesting a synthetic drug and now she has chronic fatigue, ADHD and dyslexia?  How can medical professionals turn a blind eye to the obvious detrimental and toxic effects of anti-depressants? Dyslexia is defined as "difficulties in spelling words, reading quickly, writing, "sounding out" words in the head, pronouncing words when reading aloud and understanding what one reads."  Wow, sounds EXACTLY like the issues I'm having with verbal and written communication right now.  So now she's been on 70mg of Vyvanse to treat her "ADHD" for 10 years and is an absolute mental mess when she is off of it.  Another psychiatric success.  I can't wait to see what a lifetime of stimulant medication does to her 30 years down the road.

 

I apologize for the downer, but I have to vent my frustration, anger and pity somehow, everyone else has stopped listening.

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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Hello, I think your communication is quite ok. I think your e-mail is very well written, and for the word blank you found even three other synonyms. I think maybe you dont realize it but for me as a reader I see there still talent for writing. Just take it easy and stay cool.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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Martina,

 

It's more about connecting the dots.  I know the dots are there, somewhere in my head, but the energy and effort to tie them together is exhausting, especially in verbal communication, usually leading to a severe headache as I have now from spending an hour typing that previous paragraph.

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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Alto, appreciate the suggestions.  This is one point I'm having great difficulty communicating to people.  I'm depressed and suicidal because I have lost a significant ability to develop thoughts and communicate (along with the lack of emotions).  Mainly verbally, but also in written communication.  I'll start a sentence and half way through, my mind goes blank.  And I mean full blank as in I have no idea what the conversation was about in the first place.  Not like anxiety induced, I feel overwhelmed blank (I know what that feels like because I overcame it a decade ago).  I mean BLANK, EMPTY, HOLLOW, VOID.  I used to be a great orator and public speaker and now I can hardly hold an intelligible conversation with my family.  THIS is what is causing the depression.  I'm not just depressed because I'm off the meds, I'm depressed because I have lost my reasons for living, my self-motivation, my inspiration, my cognitive and problem solving abilities which I spent three decades honing and developing.  The persistent cognitive dysfunction, issues with spacial awareness and derealization of my everyday life.  This started while on the medications and has persisted at the same level for over a year and a half with no change.  I went through the acute withdrawal stage(flu-like symptoms, brain zaps, etc).  The question then is when does withdrawal become permanent damage/alteration?  2 years? 5 years? 10 years?   I know the brain is powerful and has shown significant healing and 're-wiring' abilities. But how much of my life do I have to lose before I have any semblance of who I once was?

 

I'm just at a loss for words for how medications such as these can still be prescribed.  I understand the medical industrial complex (I used to work in the military industrial complex) and know that these medications can assist people with major psychological issues, but what has happened to me and I imagine hundreds of thousands of others (probably millions) to some extent, is beyond tragic.  I wake up every morning not knowing who I am, not having an ounce of pride or caring about the world around me.  My family will not accept that my brain has been (potentially?/most likely?) irreversibly altered and continue to label me as a hypochondriac, telling me to get back on the medications that have caused all of this is the first place. 

 

I had it all and now I have nothing.  I never could understand how people reach a point in their life where suicide appeared like the only option, and now I know.  Self pity never got anyone anywhere, but when you no longer are yourself, the person you've been for three decades and were intended to be for a lifetime, there is nothing left but pity.

 

Oddly enough I believe my wife has unknowingly suffered a similar, though less distressful experience.  She had a few panic attacks in middle school and was put on Prozac for 6-7 years.  Prior to the panic attacks she tells me she was a grade 'A' student, no issues with focus, communication, or thinking, just the occasional anxiety.  When she was eventually taken off the medications, after a year-long weaning, she was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, ADHD and dyslexia.    Huh, so the only thing that changed between Time A and Time B was 6-7 years ingesting a synthetic drug and now she has chronic fatigue, ADHD and dyslexia?  How can medical professionals turn a blind eye to the obvious detrimental and toxic effects of anti-depressants? Dyslexia is defined as "difficulties in spelling words, reading quickly, writing, "sounding out" words in the head, pronouncing words when reading aloud and understanding what one reads."  Wow, sounds EXACTLY like the issues I'm having with verbal and written communication right now.  So now she's been on 70mg of Vyvanse to treat her "ADHD" for 10 years and is an absolute mental mess when she is off of it.  Another psychiatric success.  I can't wait to see what a lifetime of stimulant medication does to her 30 years down the road.

 

I apologize for the downer, but I have to vent my frustration, anger and pity somehow, everyone else has stopped listening.

 

It sounds like you and I think alike - you're not alone, my friend.  The parallels between your articulation of your experiences and how I feel about my own are uncanny.  I can say from experience that those "thinking related", and "task related" headaches will get better with time - I used to be unable to do anything aside from sit around in a painful lobotomized state all day long - now I can write paragraphs, read articles, and I can occasionally have a somewhat passionate conversation.  I was in a REALLY sorry state for over a year - like near death feeling, and I've managed to heal from that.  

 

I've read a lot of posts here, but I really identified a lot with this paragraph that you wrote - I won't list all the things I identify with here, but know that you're not the only one who has experienced such dramatic alterations in performance - and alterations to your family life.

 

I hope that you continue to keep us informed as to your "progress".  I tend to leave monthly updates on my introduction, because I find that little to no discernible healing occurs on a day to day or weekly basis.

 

Have you tried taking any supplements that they recommend on this website?  It doesn't make too much sense to me, but for some reason I've seen an unbelievable amount of progress since I've started taking supplements.  This has not fixed my problems, the same ones your describing, but they have made me feel better and sleep better to a certain extent.  They certainly haven't hurt me.

 

Long term healing from psyciatric trauma is definitely possible - I'm sure you're familiar with A Beautiful Mind - the story of John Nash - if you look carefully at that story, it's less a story of battling mental illness, as it is one of a successful recovery from psychiatric damage.  He underwent more insulin shock treatments and years of strong psychotropic drug use than most of us - and still managed to recover, eventually.  It took the man decades to recover, but eventually he was able to teach at Princeton again - and he was a worst case scenario. 

 

Another case of somewhat miraculous recovery is one of Monica Cassani, her story can be found on her website - but from her descriptions, she was bedridden and completely disabled for years, and can now function fairly well.   She describes some of her recovery here: http://beyondmeds.com/2014/08/11/it-gets-better/

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HI IHP--  I know the exact frustration you're talking about.  Not being able to find the words that use to come so easily, loosing the thought totally while in the middle of thinking it, can't remember things for more than a few seconds.  Been there, done that, still going through  some of it.  It really does get better with time.  When I started my taper I couldn't even manage a conversation of "Hello, how are you?"  I even had trouble remembering my wife's name, we'd only been married 32 years.  I've made a living as a technical/nontechnical writer, R&D Engineer and movie producer so communications skills are paramount to me.  To have it all vanish was incredibly frustrating.  Over the course of my taper the skills have slowly returned, I'm still not where I was, but in some ways I'm better, if that makes sense.  The same goes for creativity and motor skills.  What it comes down to is that we haven't actually lost the skills, they are just hidden, and like our emotions, they will reemerge as your brains sort themselves out.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Has anyone (i.e. a moderator) advocated for people on the site to submit their experiences to the FDA's MedWatch website? https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/medwatch/index.cfm?action=reporting.home

 

I know it's a drop in the bucket, but it's still a drop.

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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  • Administrator

Yes, we encourage everyone to do that.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Seeing as how my condition has been worsening, my family and I have sought out the next level of 'treatment.'  We spent the morning in a consultation with a neuropsychiatrist and discussed the options (TMS/ECT).  Let me just start by saying ECT is off the table, never was a possibility and the doctor didn't recommend it either.  With respect to TMS, I am very skeptical of its claimed success.  I believe there is a strong placebo effect and not much, if anything, is really understood about the mechanisms of the treatment (even the doctor admitted this).  Furthermore, because I believe the majority of my depression is caused by the ruinous state of my brain after being on psychotropics for several years, all that TMS can hope to achieve is a brief relief from the symptoms of depression at which point, my brain, still recuperating from severe medication-induced trauma, will remind me that my life as I know it right now is quite miserable and I'll be depressed all over again.   Due to my headaches, however, the doctor has requested a brain MRI and I requested that the results be compared to two brain MRI's I had before all the medication, mainly out of curiosity on my part.  He was very agreeable and shared the same curiosity. 

 

So the morning was kind of a waste, but I was very impressed by the psychiatrist and his intern.  They both listened intently to my history, and the doctor even admitted at one point that he has seen several cases like mine in the past in young adult males (i.e. suffer general anxiety, laid on with various psychotropics, and next thing you know they are if a deep depressive state with both mental and physical symptoms from being on the meds).  He said without a doubt (and this is the FIRST psychiatrist to agree with me) that I should NOT be placed on any meds.  He also wasn't very pushy about trying TMS as he shared the same line of thinking as I do.  Only time and healthy living will heal this mess.

 

All in all, no answers and certainly no promised miracle treatments which I didn't expect, but I was pleasantly surprised by the admission of guilt by the psychiatric profession.  

 

As far as symptoms go, I feel I am becoming more numb to the whole situation.  In one respect that's good because I am accepting my condition and not encumbered by continuous panic.  On the other hand, as I'm feeling more numb I am distancing myself further from my wife and family and perhaps more susceptible to suicide.  Also, my vision has continued to degrade.  More floaters, black splotches, and worsening night vision.  It's particularly sad because I've always had excellent 20/15 vision. 

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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Alright. So, when someone is going through a terribly stressful life altering event, they kind of get stuck obsessing over it. This creates fear, which creates anxiety . This breads depersonalization. Dissociation.

 

Symptoms of depersonalization and dissociation include difficulty speaking, slurred speech, depression, confusion, headaches especially behind the eyes, 'visual snow' ( difficulty seeing in the dark) Emotional numbness, loss of self

 

In my case, since quitting Effexor I've experienced emotional numbness, loss of self, visual snow, insomnia, terrible suicidal idealization

 

I see a lot of similarities. So here's what helps me

 

The last few days I began meditation in the morning. I notice, that when I clear my mind from all of this **** that this has brought in my life, when I clear my mind in the morning, I forget about all of this and I start to have moments of normalcy.

 

You could look at this at brain damage or serotonin neurotoxicity . Or, you can look at this as a learning experience.

 

I have to say, you have a lot to be pissed off about. But it sounds like your suffering from depersonalization on top of all of this, which will make it 100* worst

 

Work on overcoming your depersonalization. You'll notice that slot of your suffering is related with how your handling or reacting to thre stress brought on by all of this. It's a terrible cycle. I have terrible days and great days, but I'm starting to realize my depersonalization and dissociation is lifting, and when it does, all of this kind of switches off.

 

I was at a hospital a couple weeks ago, and I was stuck in a room with a guy who was getting ect therapy. He completely forgot where he lived, I mean Completely forgot where he lived. He couldn't remember what he did for a living. And he didn't even realize it until I asked him when we were playing ping pong. He says, you think I would know where j work right? Well, he never could get a handle on it. It was very scary to me. I hope to god you don't get ect

Weaned off Effexor XR 75mg after one year of use

 

I'm experiencing the most debilitating symptoms ever imaginable

-pssd

-Emotional Numbness

 

Last dose was in august '15 after  weaning off for 6 months

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Seeing as how my condition has been worsening, my family and I have sought out the next level of 'treatment.'  We spent the morning in a consultation with a neuropsychiatrist and discussed the options (TMS/ECT).  Let me just start by saying ECT is off the table, never was a possibility and the doctor didn't recommend it either.  With respect to TMS, I am very skeptical of its claimed success.  I believe there is a strong placebo effect and not much, if anything, is really understood about the mechanisms of the treatment (even the doctor admitted this).  Furthermore, because I believe the majority of my depression is caused by the ruinous state of my brain after being on psychotropics for several years, all that TMS can hope to achieve is a brief relief from the symptoms of depression at which point, my brain, still recuperating from severe medication-induced trauma, will remind me that my life as I know it right now is quite miserable and I'll be depressed all over again.   Due to my headaches, however, the doctor has requested a brain MRI and I requested that the results be compared to two brain MRI's I had before all the medication, mainly out of curiosity on my part.  He was very agreeable and shared the same curiosity. 

 

So the morning was kind of a waste, but I was very impressed by the psychiatrist and his intern.  They both listened intently to my history, and the doctor even admitted at one point that he has seen several cases like mine in the past in young adult males (i.e. suffer general anxiety, laid on with various psychotropics, and next thing you know they are if a deep depressive state with both mental and physical symptoms from being on the meds).  He said without a doubt (and this is the FIRST psychiatrist to agree with me) that I should NOT be placed on any meds.  He also wasn't very pushy about trying TMS as he shared the same line of thinking as I do.  Only time and healthy living will heal this mess.

 

All in all, no answers and certainly no promised miracle treatments which I didn't expect, but I was pleasantly surprised by the admission of guilt by the psychiatric profession.  

 

As far as symptoms go, I feel I am becoming more numb to the whole situation.  In one respect that's good because I am accepting my condition and not encumbered by continuous panic.  On the other hand, as I'm feeling more numb I am distancing myself further from my wife and family and perhaps more susceptible to suicide.  Also, my vision has continued to degrade.  More floaters, black splotches, and worsening night vision.  It's particularly sad because I've always had excellent 20/15 vision. 

 

I can relate a great deal towards how you are feeling and your symptoms.  I think the results from the MRI will be interesting to investigate.  Do you think they will be able to examine your optic nerve on the MRI to determine if there's any noticeable lesion there (or the trigeminal nerve, for that matter)?  I have very similar visual issues as your describing and have personally been of the suspicion that there's something fundamentally affected in the option/trigeminal nerves.  I've only had one MRI done, and that was in an ER (so I'm not sure if they thoroughly examined all aspects of my brain, or quickly glimpsed over it to check to make sure I don't have a stroke, etc) - it came back clean.

 

Sounds like you scored big-time on your psychiatrist - definitely a keeper.   Did your psychiatrist mention how long he thought it would take for recovery to take place?

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 Had the guy been on A/D'S  ? ( in the hospital ) ??  Why was  he getting  E.C.T.  ??

 

Are you able to clear your mind ?   How ?

 

Just curious .

 

Ali.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Administrator

IHP, a lot of people here have had full neurological checkups, including MRIs, which found nothing. Please do not be surprised if that is true for you, too. Subtle autonomic dysregulation does not show up on neurological tests.

 

Your attitude guides your healing. This condition is very distressing, very discouraging for all of us -- every single person who's experienced withdrawal syndrome. It forces you to develop self-care strategies you otherwise might not.

 

For example, when you slip into brooding, it can help to "change the channel." Deliberately guide your thoughts to something that's soothing, such as flowers or puppies or kittens.

 

Do what you can to enjoy tiny things in life, such as moments with your children when they make you smile.

 

Do you have a camera phone? You might take photographs of such moments and play them back when you're feeling down.

 

As OffEverything suggested, learning to meditate can help you move out of pain.

 

See our Symptoms and Self-care forum  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/for suggestions about how to cope with symptoms.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Alto,

 

Thanks for the feedback.  I don't anticipate anything coming from the MRI and understand that what's happening is on an entirely different scale than what an MRI can image.  I'm most interested in seeing if my hippocampus has shrunk due to the stress and depression since I was not in this state when the baseline MRI's were taken five years ago. 

 

I do see a psychologist and have been practicing mindfulness, meditation and CBT which do help alleviate some of the depression symptoms.  I also know that I can control my attitude and that alone can have significant effects on my well being.  As I'm sure you and all of the forums patrons are fully aware of, though, it's extremely difficult to maintain that attitude in the state we're in and I'm having a extremely difficult time with it.   

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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  • Administrator

Yes, it is difficult, no doubt about that!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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IHP, I am so glad I found your post. We unfortunately share a almost frightening similar story. I wrote you a PM. I would however like to point out here that it might be important to not only get a normal MRI but an MRI scan of the sella region as well. I know several people who developed pituitary tumors after having been on SSRIs and these tumors are often not detected in normal MRI scans. Its not much extra work for the doctor. 

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 IHadPassion,

 

As Alto said , a lot of people here have had MRI's, all coming up negative .

 

Meditation , will help " clear your mind " , as I alluded to , in my last post. I think that  could be " key " for you.

 

Ali.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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IHP, I am so glad I found your post. We unfortunately share a almost frightening similar story. I wrote you a PM. I would however like to point out here that it might be important to not only get a normal MRI but an MRI scan of the sella region as well. I know several people who developed pituitary tumors after having been on SSRIs and these tumors are often not detected in normal MRI scans. Its not much extra work for the doctor. 

 

Would you care to elaborate about the pituitary tumors?

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  • 3 weeks later...

The last few weeks...

 

Physically:

-Muscle spasms have quieted down. Though moderate exercise, e.g. fast walking, pushups will light them off rather quickly.

-Frontal lobe headaches are substantially better since September.  Burning sensation has decreased, though I still experience the weird sensation of something crawling around on my forehead about 50% of time awake.

-Vision has gotten noticeably worse (floaters, dark splotches, poor night vision, light artifacts, etc.).  Not sure what to attribute this to.  I stopped Paxil over a year ago and was only on Adderall an additional 6-8 months.  I didn't notice the vision problems while on Paxil and they only became noticeable in the last few months.  Must have been the month or so I was using Ativan intermittently to get through the panic attacks.  Regardless, it has gotten worse and has become a constant annoyance when outside during a sunny day or working on a computer. 

 

Mentally:

-Better in some respects, worse in others

-Panic and general state of heightened anxiety has decreased to where I can function moderately.

-Long term memory has gotten better, though I have to focus intently to reach back and recall anything

-Short term memory is still absolute crap.  I can only imagine this is what it's like to have dementia/Alzheimer's.  I repeat steps over and over not remembering that I had already done them.  Every day I wake up I have to remind myself who I am, who the woman lying next to me is, and why I can't remember anything.  It's like being in the Twilight Zone.  I know who I once was four years ago, but now I live in this constant state of uncertainty and confusion.

-Anhedonia, severe. I had suffered mild, short term depression in the past, but no matter what, I could always find something to bring me joy and happiness.  Now there's nothing, no emotional response whatsoever to anything.

-Depersonalization-I feel more detached from myself and from those around me.  Numb, distant, etc.

 

There's more to describe but I don't care enough to write it down at this time.  Will reevaluate at some point in the future.

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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  • Administrator

Sounds like there's been a little progress, IHP. That's a good sign. Please let us know how you're doing.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator

Hey Passion - 

 

It does sound like a small improvement - and in withdrawal, that's significant.  It shows that you can and will heal, and are healing.

 

You wrote:

 

I had it all and now I have nothing.  I never could understand how people reach a point in their life where suicide appeared like the only option, and now I know.  Self pity never got anyone anywhere, but when you no longer are yourself, the person you've been for three decades and were intended to be for a lifetime, there is nothing left but pity

 

You HAD something!  I know it doesn't feel comforting now, but there are many of us who never got in the game, never got on the ladder.  There are people who started this journey as children - or got de-railed before their career got off the ground.

 

You HAD something - and you will HAVE something again.  But it will be different, you will be re-wired into something you, new, but still you.  And because you'll be a survivor (hang in there, man, you've got to hang in there!) - you'll be even stronger and deeper and more aware than you ever were before.

 

There are gifts in withdrawal, gifts to being flat on the floor with nothing to live for.  It's difficult to see them from the floor - but they are there.  You can't fall of the floor, and from that perspective, you will learn things you would never have learned any other way.  And you will have EARNED those things, painfully so; they will be dearer to you than your passions before.

 

Small comfort, I know - but it gets better.  There is a reason to go on, even when you cannot see it, or function, or feel it, or know it right now.  It's sadly, just a belief, words handed to you by a stranger on the internet.  But it does get better.

 

YES I've had cognitive loss.  NO I don't ever want to see another chess board again - it breaks my heart that once I could see 16 moves ahead.  Just once. Maybe never use another spreadsheet again - except for lists.  Or be excited about a new gadget or piece of software - I now find these tedious, incomprehensible, frustrating.  Sometimes I wonder if I read out of habit, or if I really understand what I read.  I just finished a great Buddhist Book, "7 Steps to Awakening" and I even took notes, wrote down stuff.  I can't really tell you a thing about it.  But I like to sit with a book or kindle open, and hope that maybe I can osmosis something from the "reading."  But as you know, it's not the same as comprehension.

 

BUT - the passion does come back.  I feel like I walked up out of a dark deep lake, across a muddy swamp, and it took forever to get just my eyes above the water.  And now, here I am, still standing at the edge of the swamp, and I’m still hip deep in mud - but I can see the sky, and birds and trees and green and the horizon.  And I can't reach the horizon, no way - I'm still hip deep in mud.  But I can see it - and that kindles my passion again.  My journey from 2 drugs to a tiny fraction of one has been 2 years.

 

You are still in your first year.  Be kind to yourself.  Imagine your brain is a wayward puppy - it doesn't know when or where to pee, or how to ask for food or to go out, or not to pull on the leash, or ANYthing.  It's just wild, like it's wolf ancestors.  In time, with gentle loving care, your brain will be your companion again.  Patience, gentleness, be kind to yourself.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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I had it all and now I have nothing.  I never could understand how people reach a point in their life where suicide appeared like the only option, and now I know.  Self pity never got anyone anywhere, but when you no longer are yourself, the person you've been for three decades and were intended to be for a lifetime, there is nothing left but pity

YES I've had cognitive loss.  NO I don't ever want to see another chess board again - it breaks my heart that once I could see 16 moves ahead.  Just once. Maybe never use another spreadsheet again - except for lists.  Or be excited about a new gadget or piece of software - I now find these tedious, incomprehensible, frustrating.  Sometimes I wonder if I read out of habit, or if I really understand what I read. 

 

:(

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  • Moderator

Hey Passion - you still with us?

 

How are you going?

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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JanCarol,

 

Appreciate the check-in.  Yes I'm still around, or at least the shell of me is still around.  Most of my symptoms still persist, including....

 

-depersonalization

-derealization

-anhedonia/apathy

-cognitive fog/impairment

-vision (currently the most distressing issue, more on it below)

 

 

Oddly enough I haven't really had any sleep issues through this whole thing.  There was a period last year when I was having difficultly getting to sleep but I was still on Paxil at the time and it was one of the reasons I ultimately decided to get off of it.  No PSSD, but no interest or enjoyment in intercourse either.  I used to be rather frisky and now it takes a miracle to get me in the mood so to speak.  I have noticed that diet does impact how I'm feeling day to day, but this was also an issue for me prior to all this so no comfort there.  The searing frontal lobe headaches have subsided.  I attribute those to the short duration of Ativan I used during the summer when things went really south and a rebound effect (I had a previous dependence on Ativan 3 years ago so my brain was not happy when I took it a few times this last summer and I suffered greatly for it).  My speech and writing skills have gotten slightly better since I've been forcing myself to use them as much as it pains me psychologically.  My vision continues to get worse since it started declining over the summer.  I didn't really have or notice any issues until about 8 months off Paxil and 2 months off Adderall and there appears to be a correlation to the severe depression and anxiety I suffered in August/September.  I have an eye exam tomorrow, but don't expect it to show anything.  In addition to that, my hair has definitely thinned out the last few months and I regularly have small patches falling out though it's not noticeable to anyone else yet since I had very thick hair to begin with.

 

All in all, I would say I'm psychologically stable, and right now putting all of my eggs in the "time" basket.  The intrusive suicidal ideations have declined. Taking Fish oil, magnesium, vitamin D, and just started a eye health supplement in the remote possibility that it will reduce or stop the degradation of my vision.    Walking regularly and trying the "fake it till you make it" approach in all my relationships.  The problem with that though is my family begins to assume things are getting better when in reality I still feel hollow and soulless on the inside.  Then when things start to go south or I just can't manage the fake-it approach, they don't understand that I've been putting on a charade and still have a long way to go. 

 

That's about it for now. 

Year 0:      Social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, NO depression, NO suicidal ideations

Years 1-2: Ativan (benzo) <1mg as needed, not abused but developed physical dependence

Years 2-3: Paxil (20mg) augmented with Adderall XR (10-20mg) due to withdrawal from Ativan

Years 3-Present: Severe depression, headaches, psychiatric hospitalization, lost job, etc.

 

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Yes as Jan said you got on the ladder before..I never really got on the ladder at all as my life was severely disrupted (unknown to me the cause) by these drugs in my early twenties until present day at 32. So never got off the starting block lol! I don't know if I'll ever achieve what I wanted but I'll be so happy to have a clear state of mind free from pain and suffering the drugs caused.

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Let us know how your eye exam goes.  I personally had one myself, and I "cheated" on the peripheral vision test (they had a machine that made little red dots appear randomly on a backlit screen, etc - and I cheated by moving my eyes off the center).

 

The results from my test were basically perfect vision, no issues with my optic nerve (they took photographs and everything).  No retinal detachments, nothing.  According to them I had basically perfect vision.

 

Do you have any hypersensitivity at all? 

 

For example, can you drink alcohol, eat junk food (e.g., big mac, large fries, and diet coke at McDonalds - or preserved lunch meats) and exercise without any issues?

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  • Moderator

Well, while it still looks like you have a long way to go - 

 

It also seems like you are taking care of yourself, and bunkered down for the duration.  It looks like you've had slight improvement from when you first got here, and that's encouraging.

 

I agree that time is the best basket, though there are other baskets too.

 

InvisibleUnless has given advice on other threads that may help you, too:

 

i recommend brain-rebuilding exercises that focus on things like coordination, balance, memory, critical evaluation, and the corroborative neural responses to things like normal levels of exercise or dealing with changes of state (like walking from a hot room into a cold environment without things going haywire).  the brain is very collaborative regarding different bodily functions and systems, and helping your brain regain its general footing may spur healing in your hardest hit areas.  there are threads here about stuff like supplements and tapering percentages and stuff, but those are more individualistic than the fairly blanket advice to rest well, don't overstress your system trying to do what you formerly could before it is capable again, eat appropriate to your condition and hope for better health, and take an empathetic but constructive approach to damaged functioning and emotional perception.

 

I would also look to engage your senses where at all possible (mindfullness stuff).

 

Pick one sense a day - and if your eyes are giving you trouble - try touch, or smell.  You may not care about the feeling or scent, but at least continue to engage your senses, and notice differences.  Don't overthink it.  Go to the spice jars and open one up.  Try and just experience the smell without judging its qualities - though, by all means, if a feeling comes up - respect that feeling and appreciate that you are experiencing it.

 

Just some suggestions on how to coax your nervous system into being more friendly to you.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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