☼ ChessieCat: so I'm not the only one (Pristiq / desvenlafaxine)

[powerback]

4 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Well my teary patches turned into a teary afternoon (and suicidal feelings) at work, triggered by something that someone said.  There was nothing wrong with what the person said, it just triggered other stuff.  Thankfully they are being supportive.

 

I think I have worked out what might be happening.  I had many major life issues happen between the ages of 19 and 35 at which age (roughly) I went on an antidepressant and have been on since (about 25 years).  I had other major life issues happen during the time on an AD.  However, now that my dose is low my feelings are no longer numbed.  Even though I have had counselling and know that I have dealt with the past issues, I think because I am now wondering what I am going to do with the rest of my life.  I am lonely, bored, having trouble making ends meet financially and my body is getting aches and pains reminding me that I am getting older.  I am looking back over my life and it is dredging things up.  The issues themselves aren't the problem it's how the issues have affected my life in a negative way.

 

And of course there is possibly/probably withdrawal thrown in there for good measure.

 

I want to send my support CC ,sending a virtual hug your way .

We keep at and others will learn from us .take care.✊ 

[ChessieCat]

Thanks Steve and Powerback I appreciate you both dropping by for support.  It's tough going through it, and I know that only I can go through it, nobody can do it for me, but it's nice knowing that other people understand and care.

[ChessieCat]

Really thankful for the non drug coping tools I have been able to implement at this time.  I'm still feeling fragile today but at home taking care of myself.  Things keep replaying in my mind about yesterday but I just think to myself it's okay, people understand and I just need to take it bit by bit.  I won't be back at that work until Thursday next week.

 

Even in the midst of what I was going through yesterday my sense of humour was still there.  As I was driving home I was thinking (it definitely wasn't serious thinking - more just wondering) about driving my car into something when I had the sudden realisation that I've got a reasonably new car and that it has heaps of air bags in it.  I thought this was very funny and that that idea definitely wouldn't work.

 

I thank God for my sense of humour.

[Hibari]

15 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Really thankful for the non drug coping tools I have been able to implement at this time.  I'm still feeling fragile today but at home taking care of myself.  Things keep replaying in my mind about yesterday but I just think to myself it's okay, people understand and I just need to take it bit by bit.  I won't be back at that work until Thursday next week.

 

Even in the midst of what I was going through yesterday my sense of humour was still there.  As I was driving home I was thinking (it definitely wasn't serious thinking - more just wondering) about driving my car into something when I had the sudden realisation that I've got a reasonably new car and that it has heaps of air bags in it.  I thought this was very funny and that that idea definitely wouldn't work.

 

I thank God for my sense of humour.

Dear Chessie,

You are a wonderful person and I know that by how generous and insightful you have been on my thread and others.  

 

I very much relate to the teary patches and in my case, full out sobbing, when I review my life.  Its come up more as I get lower on my dose and wonder about my life going forward and what I have lost looking back.  

 

I don't think anyone escapes heartache. My therapist has encouraged me to feel my feelings and I know from my own work that mourning things is actually normal.  We aren't always allowed to grieve in the way we need to at the times they occur.  The loss of my dog  has opened me up to unresolved grief about my parents who have passed.  

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that being teary may be part of the healing process as much as the physical healing of wd.  

 

Just wanted to offer my support to you and that I believe there is more life for all of us to live. 

 

Hibari 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Hibari,

 

Thank you for your kind thoughts.  And being open about what you are going through

 

 I agree that tears can be part of the healing process.  I think that maybe we were so busy in our lives during the past bad events that we just had to cope the best we could and get on with it.  Unfortunately it does catch up with us.  What has happened with me is that I'm not busy any more so I'm not distracted like I had been.

[Hibari]

2 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Hi Hibari,

 

Thank you for your kind thoughts.  And being open about what you are going through

 

 I agree that tears can be part of the healing process.  I think that maybe we were so busy in our lives during the past bad events that we just had to cope the best we could and get on with it.  Unfortunately it does catch up with us.  What has happened with me is that I'm not busy any more so I'm not distracted like I had been.

Very true Chessie and very well put.  

 

 I too am not so distracted and so all the feelings are coming up.  On top of that, they are amplified by the withdrawal process, which sometimes for me has emotions shown up just because. 

 

Take good care.  

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Today was a much better day.  I'm still feeling fragile and a bit teary but went to church this morning.  I hadn't been for about 4 of 5 weeks because I have been feeling so low.  Afterwards I went for a nice drive around the more rural areas.  The way I went there is a property with Clydesdale horses which I have stopped to photograph before.  Today there were 6 mares each with a foal in one paddock.  A very special sight to see.  I managed to get a photo of 3 mares and their foals all visible in one shot.  I love Clydesdales.

[Andie]

Big Hug from Perth Chessie. I think you are amazing. I’m sorry you are going through a hard time.

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Thanks Andie, hugs are very welcome, even if only virtual.

[ChessieCat]

After talking with a couple of my bosses at work I am not feeling as hopeless as I was.  They have both given me some suggestions, one being to go for counselling which I think is a good idea.

 

And I've just realised that I've finished my 3 weeks on 6mg.  Tomorrow will be 5.5mg but that will be for 4 weeks.  I'd better remember to get my new capsules made up.

[Carmie]

Hi Chessiecat, 

Im really struggling to think at the moment but you were so kind to PM a couple of times that I wanted to check n see how you are doing.

 

Im glad you have an understanding boss but I’m so sad to read of all the turmoil you have been going through with all your emotions. You are amazing what you do on this site with all of your wisdom despite the pain you’re going through yourself. I hope the counselor helps a bit. 

 

Ive always found the best thing for dealing with emotions myself has been FasterEFT but I seem to be procrastinating about doing it lately. I do journal though n when I have more brain power I’ll check out what you wrote about journaling.

 

Im soooo glad you got to take photos of the horses. Photography n nature makes me happy too. I live in the city but I would love to live by the beach or in the country somewhere not far from lakes n creeks. 

 

Sending big hugs, you are awesome!!🤗🤗

 

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Thanks for stopping by Carmie and I appreciate the hugs too.

 

Considering what I'm going through, I am managing really well.  I even managed to complete a small sewing project (an unlined zippered pouch to carry my coffee and Keep Cup in) this afternoon, which is actually a big achievement because I have found this very difficult to do over the past months.  However, I haven't managed to get the washing done or the sheets changed which I had planned for today.

[Carmie]

3 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Thanks for stopping by Carmie and I appreciate the hugs too.

 

Considering what I'm going through, I am managing really well.  I even managed to complete a small sewing project (an unlined zippered pouch to carry my coffee and Keep Cup in) this afternoon, which is actually a big achievement because I have found this very difficult to do over the past months.  However, I haven't managed to get the washing done or the sheets changed which I had planned for today.

 

Hi again ChessieCat, 

 

How wonderful you got a sewing project done. I don’t have a sewing machine n I haven’t used one in over twenty years. I wouldn’t mind getting one though. I do lots of crafts but I haven’t done any sewing for ages except for mending clothes. I remember when I was younger I used to sew dresses by hand. I found doing the stitching by hand relaxing. My eyesight isn’t that great these days so won’t be doing that again. 

 

Dont worry about the washing, just do what you can each day. I’m pretty much stuck in bed today, though I did get up a couple of times to do some housework n I fed a magpie that flew into the loungeroom. We have millions of birds flying to our balcony to get fed. A couple of them are getting tame n flying into our loungeroom. Soooo cute!! 

 

Just do what you can today. We all have to learn not to feel guilty about what we can’t do. I’m struggling to do much today so I’m watching DVDs, good old Columbo. Okay, it’s time for another episode.

 

Sending sunshine your way☀️☀️☀️

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Thank you for the encouragement.  I love magpies.  And the cheeky birds coming into your loungeroom.  That's special.  I had some nesting in my yard and they had two babies.  Unfortunately one of them got attacked, but the other one is doing well.

 

And good old Columbo, nothing triggering with those programs.  I'll have to check out if there are any on YouTube.  I don't watch television simply because there is so much garbage on, but I've got into the (bad) habit of staying on the computer which I know isn't good thing to do during the evening.

 

I think sometimes I either forget about, or don't want to blame things on, WD.  But from what other members post, and BrassMonkey even with his special taper, WD is real and does affect us for a long time.

[Carmie]

Hi ChessieCat, 

 

How are you doing today? I struggled to think this morning but I have a little bit of brain back again. Yay! How nice you have magpies in your yard. One of the baby magpies that comes here eats out of my hand now. He came today. So cute!!

 

Yes, good old Columbo. We all have to use different distractions that our brains will let us do at the time. I haven’t been able to watch DVDs today so I’ve just put on some YouTube concerts n did some crocheting while listening to the music. 

 

I own a lot of Dvds n Netflix has lots to watch but if you don’t have Netflix you can go the library. They have heaps of movies there. If I want to order in something in particular it only costs eighty cents. 

 

Like you, Im not a tv watcher, there’s something about tv that annoys me, it gives me a real restless energy. I watch DVDs or Netflix. I never know what’s happening in the news unless something comes through social media or someone mentions something, but I don’t follow any news pages on social media, mainly nature pages. I love seeing pictures of nature n I love photography so it makes me smile to see the beach n nature even if I’m stuck in bed pondering about the times when I’ll be in nature again 🌊🌳🌻

 

Yes, withdrawals certainly are real, you are definitely right about that. It’s absolutely ridiculous that trained professionals have no idea about them. You’d think after all these years they would have some kind of clue.

 

Does staying on your conputer in the evening hinder your sleep? 

 

Take care, sending hugs 🤗

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Carmie I'm doing reasonably well, thank you.

 

And a tame baby magpie.  Awwwwww lucky you.

 

Something that I like watching on YouTube is dog agility trials.  And nature shows.

 

I don't listen to radio news now either and like you only hear about things in a round about way.  I got fed up with the absolute rubbish they dish up on TV.  I even got fed up with taping shows and watching them later because there wasn't much worth watching.

 

Mmmm sleep.  I think I've developed some bad habits regarding that.  I've got the monitor changed to night viewing but I have been sitting in a room with a fluorescent light on.  I've recently started leaving it off and having the kitchen light on instead.

 

I also listen to sermons when in bed and often fall asleep listening to them and then wake up several hours later.  I then have trouble going back to sleep so listen to more.  I'm thinking that I might do better if I set up a CD player in my bedroom and put a music CD on a loop for the night.  Trouble is that I've got to do a bit of clearing up to be able to do that.

 

I seem to have this feeling that I am scared or don't want to go to sleep.

 

[Carmie]

Glad to hear you’re not doing too bad ChessieCat, 

 

If you want to use the computer in the evening have you ever used blue light glasses? 

 

I know that feeling of being scared to go to sleep. Because I’m on Seroquel it actually puts me to sleep so I don’t have trouble sleeping. Before I was tapering it though n I was on high doses I would wake up every morning for ages absolutely shaking n having the feeling of pure horror. I can’t even explain it. I never wanted to go to sleep because I feared the morning. I was a nervous wreck!

 

Occasionally I still get that feeling of dread before going to bed even now. It’s weird what these meds have done to us.

 

I know down the track I’ll probably get rebound insomnia because once when I forgot to take my tablet I didn’t sleep at all the whole night. No use worrying about that now though as it hasn’t happened yet. One day at a time, we can only live in the present.

 

Hope you sleep okay tonight💚

 

 

[ChessieCat]

52 minutes ago, Carmie said:

If you want to use the computer in the evening have you ever used blue light glasses? 

 

Actually I have a pair that I wear at work for the glare.  I thought about using them for the computer at night the other day and then forgot.  Thanks for the reminder.  I've just put them on!!!

[Carmie]

8 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Actually I have a pair that I wear at work for the glare.  I thought about using them for the computer at night the other day and then forgot.  Thanks for the reminder.  I've just put them on!!!

 

Sounds good!! 😎

[Kostas]

2 hours ago, Carmie said:

I love seeing pictures of nature n I love photography so it makes me smile to see the beach n nature even if I’m stuck in bed pondering about the times when I’ll be in nature again 🌊🌳🌻

Hi again, 

A nice photo from Bath in England, from our recent trip, to lift you up! 

[Kostas]

7 minutes ago, Kostas said:

Hi again, 

A nice photo from Bath in England, from our recent trip, to lift you up! 

 

[Carmie]

23 hours ago, Kostas said:

Hi again, 

A nice photo from Bath in England, from our recent trip, to lift you up! 

 

Hi Kostas, 

 

Lovely photo, beautiful scenery. Thanks for sharing. The grass is sooo green n lush n those hedgings must take a lot of work, very manicured. When I hear the word Bath I always think of Jane Austen😀. Take care💚

 

 

Hi ChessieCat, 

 

Hope you’ve got your blue light glasses on 😎💚

[Carmie]

Hi ChessieCat, 

 

Just popping in to see how you’re doing💚

[ChessieCat]

Hi Carmie thanks for checking in on me.  I've been remembering to wear my glasses and I think they are making a difference.  I seem to be able to fall asleep quicker.  😎

 

I reduced to 5.5mg a week ago and I have had a few days where my anxiety increased so I took 1/2 tablet magnesium at lunch time.  I usually only take 1/2 tablet morning and night.  Wednesday, Thursday and Friday my moods seemed to cycle throughout the day.  I would have times where I felt a bit hyper and others when I felt a bit depressed, and also had trouble staying focused on my work and I made a few mistakes (nothing major as they get second checked).  I was awake at 4am on Wednesday morning and didn't really get back to sleep so I think that may have played into how I felt for the next few days.

 

I got my new batch of capsules this week.  I've now got some 0.25mg ones.  The next batch I will need to get 0.125mg capsules so the compounder told me he will need 50mg tablets instead of 100mg.  It's unfortunate that we can't get 25mg dose in Australia which would be easier for him once my dose gets tiny.  Forgot to ask if he could make tablets into a liquid.

[Marmot]

Hey ChessieCat,

I hadn't read your thread in awhile and it seems like a lot of ups and downs have happened. Glad to hear you got a nice pic of the horses. I go to a farm sometimes too and watch goats in the field. They have bells on their collars and they come running whenever someone comes to the gate. So lovely. 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Marmot thanks for dropping in.  Yes, it's lovely to spend time out and about with more nature than city stuff.  I visited my sister yesterday and she has a 10 month old whippet who I was playing ball with.  It was nice sitting outside in pleasant surroundings playing with and laughing at the dog.  Got to admire and smell my brother-in-laws beautiful roses too.

 

A bit of an update on my personal situation.  I'm coping okay and using my non drug techniques.  Last week I was wondering if I had reduced too soon, because the anxiety did seem to increase, but I'm seeming less anxiety now and this will be a 4 week hold, instead of 3 weeks because I'm getting to the 10% of dose mark.

 

I went in and saw my other boss today.  I have 2 volunteer jobs, one which is 2 days per week and the other is 1 day per week.  It was the 2 day per week role where I got upset and they have been very supportive.  I haven't been in to the 1 day per week role for the last 3 Mondays and I didn't go in today but I decided to go and meet with my boss and have a chat and explain about the difficulties I'm having and how sometimes small things can stress me and then I get upset.  So now she knows and has told me to let her know if something is causing any issues.  We are about to get busy at this job and it's work that I am familiar with and quite enjoy doing so I should feel fairly comfortable.  I'm hoping to get myself organised enough so I can get an earlier train in the morning so I can leave earlier in the afternoon and miss the school kids on the train.

[Carmie]

Hi ChessieCat, 

 

Glad you’re continuing to wear those blue light glasses at night. How lovely you got to play with a whippet, they’re beautiful dogs, friends of mine have got one too. I’m so happy you got to spend a lovely day outdoors, n got to smell the roses, literally🌹😁.

 

Wonderful to hear you’re feeling less anxious too. Do you usually hold for three weeks instead of four? What a shame too you can’t get the 25mg tablets. Seroquel comes in 25mg. Yeah, maybe they can make a liquid? No harm asking. You will no doubt go into withdrawals though by changing formula if you do, as you know. I’m still dealing with formulation change but when I stabilise I’m going back to the the original tablet n continue to water titrate that which I’ve been doing all along. 

 

Hope you get many more opportunities to smell the roses💚

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Carmie, yes, I remember the glasses now.

 

I'm planning on sticking to capsules if I can.  The compounder told me he can make any dose I need so I'll keep going the same way.

 

When I get capsules I have to get 100 of each dose so I get different doses made so I can make the combination I want, I don't get capsules made up for a 10% reduction for 4 weeks.  I've had to adjust the taper to work with combining the capsule doses which is why I sometimes hold for 3 weeks.  When I make a reduction that is closer to 10% I hold for 4 weeks.

[Carmie]

That’s great ChessieCat, 

 

I’m glad he makes up what you need. It’s good he’s so accomodating. 

 

It looks like you’ve got a good system worked out there. Stick with what works for you, I reckon. I’m going back to what was working for me too. When I get down to the tinier doses I’ll just have to up the water n get the teeny tiny syringes from the compounding pharmacy. I won’t need to use then for a long time as yet but I got a couple when I was at the compounding pharmacy. I think I might stock up on them in the meantime. I’ve always worked from 5ml syringes. 

 

Wishing you a happy day, and lots more days of smelling roses 💚

 

 

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Feeling very tired today but don't know why.  I was very tired last night and ended up going to bed very early and fell asleep for a couple of hours.  Then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep so got up for a while.  Then I went back to bed and slept till about 7.30 am which is late for me these days.  It got to late morning and I ended up going back to bed and slept some more.  And even now I'm still feeling tired.

 

I'm just going with the flow.

[Carmie]

Going with the flow is my motto too ChessieCat, 

 

Great motto👍💚

[Andie]

Morning Chessiecat 

 

Just a quick question. Do you know if your Compounder uses enteric coated capsules or gelatin capsules for your Pristiq. Mine uses gelatin.

 

 

The reason I ask is because I’ve just dropped off a new script and the Pharmacist asked if I wanted to try using enteric Coated capsules to see if that makes any difference to how I feel. They said there is no harm in trying. 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Andie,

 

I think they are just gelatine.  The only thing we have discussed is adding the slow release.

[Andie]

Hi Chessie 

 

I will investigate this further with the Pharmacy. They say it may be worth trying the enteric coated capsules and see how it goes. If I do go this route I will have to have a whole new batch made up. I think anything is worth trying before switching over to Prozac.

 

I will also see what doc suggests. We have a teleconference organised  for Thursday with myself, my Psychiatrist and the Pharmacist. 

 

 

 

[Songbird]

Hi ChessieCat, I've just caught up on your topic.  I found this - I know this is a really old post, but I've noticed the exact same thing recently:

 

On 3/11/2016 at 7:24 PM, ChessieCat said:

Recently I've been feeling irritated when wearing certain materials/fabrics.  I'm fine when wearing pure cotton but synthetics give me a sort of light prickly feeling. 

 

I've started to notice recently that my skin really doesn't like certain fabrics.  I've always had a problem with some fabrics - I can't wear wool next to my skin, and also can't wear linen, because they're scratchy - and I also have to cut labels out of most of my clothes because they irritate my skin.  But lately I've started to have a problem even with fairly soft polyester/cotton blend t-shirts and night--shirts - the "light prickly feeling" you describe sounds exactly like it.  My skin is much happier with pure cotton.

 

[Carmie]

Just popping in to say hi ChessieCat, 

 

Hope you’re coping okay. Guess what? One of the baby kookaburras ate out of my hand the other day. Soo cute! 

 

I hope you’re still enjoying watching your dog agility trials. I had to laugh the other day when I saw a video of a dog running up the park stairs n then sliding down the wide banister, and then doing the same thing all over again. He kept himself entertained. Who needs humans? 

 

We have to keep finding things to amuse us while going through these horrible withdrawals, don’t we?

 

Take care💚