strongmama2015: Don't know what to do (Trazodone withdrawal?)

[strongmama2015]

My pdoc put me on it for insomnia and anxiety/depression. To be honest my sleep problems were never bad, even before Ambien. If I was such an insomniac, how is it that I can fall asleep without the med now? I am so sick and tired of being afraid. I've realized I have this pathological need to be "taken care-of", like A little girl. My mom knows what is going on she said she is going to visit. She is an anxiety trigger for me b/c although she is well meaning, she comes off very critical and emotional. I them feel guilty for making her worry and feel sad over me. I almost want to tell her not to come over. My living room and kitchen are a mess. I know she loves me.

[AliG]

 Strong,

 

If there's one thing I've learned, It's to put yourself first !  What do you want ?  Not , what your Mother wants .  This is your life , and you only get one shot, at this ! I used to do what you are doing. Not anymore.  I haven't spoken to my mother in about 6 months . Why ?  Because she still  lives with my Father.  ( Long story). 

 

Anyway, the point is to take care of yourself , first and foremost.  Put your needs first !

 

Hugs,

 

Ali.

[strongmama2015]

Ok, 22 days off Trazodone cold turkey and still having really bad morning anxiety. I want to reinstate tonight. What are the risks of reinstating at 6.25mg at this point? Someone please answer ASAP. Thanks!

[Fresh]

Limited risk strongmamma.   You'll know pretty quickly if disagrees with you , but as it's

only been 3 weeks since you stopped it's unlikely (so far as I know).

 

Reread posts 4 through 9 on the previous page.   

 

You may feel an improvement within hours.  If you're feeling brave you could take it now

and check in over the next few hours so we know you're okay.

 

btw , if there's a red envelope at the top right , it means you have a message.

If you click FOLLOW at the top right you'll receive an email each time someone posts here.

[strongmama2015]

So what would not agreeing with me look like? I'm guessing minor symptoms, I'm guessing, God Willing. The worst has been the morning bounce back anxiety. Do you think it might help with that? Also, I don't have a pill cutter so I cut it up the best I could with a butter knife. Is it ok to guess this first dose and get it more precise tomorrow night?

[Fresh]

Just do the best you can with cutting it for now.  

Hopefully it will help with ALL your symptoms , including morning anxiety/cortisol rush.

 

Not agreeing with you (adverse reaction)  is the sudden onset of extremely severe symptoms.

 

This could be mental e.g suicidal or homocidal ideation or intent , or physical e.g sudden onset akathisia

or violent muscle twitching (symptoms you haven't had before , that are new , and are intense.)

If you get a new symptom that is mild , like tinnitus say , it's worth pushing through.

If it's severe , you can then decide whether or not to persevere with reinstating.

 

It takes 4 days to get to a steady-state in your blood , so you'll need to give it a week really to see whether 

it's doing enough.  You may want to increase it at that time , you may not.

[strongmama2015]

That sounds worse than what I am experiencing right now...now I'm scared to take it! 

[Fresh]

You asked , so I was truthful.   But honestly , it's highly unlikely after just 3 weeks off.

 

The severity of an adverse reaction is dose-related , and that's why the site suggests starting with

1-2mg , so that you can then feel safe increasing the dose.

[strongmama2015]

Another tough morning. I broke down and took .25mg of Clonazepam just so I could calm down and get some sleep. I made it about 3 hours. Now I am drained , depressed and anxious. I don't know how much longer I can stand this.

[strongmama2015]

I have realized that I cannot continue on as I have been doing. Fear seems all encompassing and I can't live my life like that. I  comparison to alot of you, if may seem my symptoms are mild, but they are very real and hard to deal with for me. Besides the anxiety and depression, slight muscle ticks in the face, my main symptom is the morning cortisol rush and anxiety. It feels like my brain is boiling at the base of my skull, and I increasingly get this desperate feeling of despair that I can't take on more second of this or I will die from the mental anguish. I am terrified about hubby going back to work in the morning. I am barely eating or drinking as it is. I am so scared of having an adverse reaction to reinstating the Trazodone. Ive taken Clonazepam sparingly every few days, but I find that it doens't really help to make me feel that better. I think it increases my anxiety and depression. I'm also left with that wired, boiling anxiety feeling in the bottom of my skull and down my spine into the top of my back. My OCD thoughts have me scared I am changing and that I will hurt people, or that I will lose touch with reality. It's almost feeling like my kids are not enough of a motivation anymore, and that is truly scary. I love them more than life itself. 

 

I know I have to face my fear and reinstate, but I am also afraid of adverse reactions. What to do????

[strongmama2015]

It's been 23 days since I stopped the Trazodone cold turkey at 50mg.

[strongmama2015]

Someone please answer

[Altostrata]

Welcome, strongmama.

 

What doctors and pharmacists think is a small dose is not necessarily what your nervous system thinks is a small dose. Very few doctors or pharmacists realize that one's nervous system can be sensitized by going on and off drugs, as you have.

 

The symptoms they have interpreted as OCD and Major Depression -- and then overdrugged -- probably was drug withdrawal.

 

How about cutting that 25mg trazodone tablet into quarters and see how you do with one quarter (6.25mg)? Give it a few days to test the waters.

 

Whatever your decision, please let us know how you are doing.

 

You are experiencing withdrawal syndrome from cold-turkeying trazodone. Your psychiatrist and pharmacist don't know anything about withdrawal syndrome. This is not unusual.

 

One might get withdrawal syndrome from going off 50mg trazodone. It is not an insignificant dose. Trazodone is not a sleep drug, it is an antidepressant that makes people drowsy.

 

Sleeplessness is a very, very common withdrawal symptom from going off trazodone.

 

See Tips for tapering off trazodone (Desyrel) for instructions about how to take a small dose, such as 6.25mg.

[strongmama2015]

I reinstated last night. I took about 6.25mg, maybe a little less. It's hard to say what was caused by anxiety and what was caused by the Trazodone. I felt jumpy in the body, my face and felt hot in my chest. The cortisol Rush was better this morning, but I am having OCD thoughts that are causing me so much anxiety. Stupid things that shouldn't scare me. But I go round and round with it. I fear that I may lose my mind before this is over. I can barely eat. My three girls are asleep and all I am thinking about is how stressed I feel.

[AliG]

S. M.

 

You have to wait and see, how you go .  Keep a note of your symptoms.    It will take about four days . Then , see  how you're going.  You can , re- assess, then.

[strongmama2015]

Just finished night three of Trazodone reinstate mm at 6.25mg. My sleep is definitely better. Morning cortisol rush is getting better as well. My biggest hurdle is the morning anxiety/intrusive thoughts. I go to sleep generally happy and feeling like myself. When I wake up, I feel that depression and the realization that, oh yeah, this is really happening to me. The thoughts follow a harm, suspicious, or fear of losing sanity theme. I feel at moments I just cannot cope, and others I feel I will break mentally right there, and lose myself and reality. I feel I have more OCD thoughts than regular thoughts. I was fighting the urge to vomit from my anxiety. I did manage to cook for my kids yesterday, and to journal at night. I even got through a. Visit from my mom, however my anxiety shot through the roof after she left and I took my Clonazepam because I couldn't see how I could bring myself down on my own. It's almost 9am and I'm trying to get through the morning. Is taking .25mg of Clonazepam per day alright until I get through the reinstatement, right now I'm just taking .25mg every few days when the anxiety gets too overwhelming. Thanks. Hope you are all doing well as can be expected.

[Martina23]

Hello strongmama. I also get similar themes of thoughts now. Harming thoughts, in particular. It is funny, I always feel like that I do something inappropriate but till now I didn´t. I dont know how it possible. By me the first thought says for example "harm person XY" and the second thought immediately afterwards says "why should you harm her, she never did anything to you, someone would miss her" and so I am standing there and never did anything to anyone. In the meatime I already got used that I have stupid thoughts, but mostly I do not worry so much that I might lose control and do something. Only during the menstrual cycle the thoughts are still too big and feel almost psychotic. Then I am afraid.

 

I think it only seems that we will not cope. In fact, our brain still works quite ok, we can take care of the kids, someone with mental illness would not be able to do that. I think there is only slight part which is now disbalanced and therefore is making problems. Please try to see the bad thoughts more easy. I know that it does not go always, but I have read that the people mostly dont do these things, actually I never heard of anyone with OCD who would really harm someone.

 

I think you will be ok.

[strongmama2015]

Thank you so much, Martina. I read your story, and I think of you often when I go through these thoughts. It makes me sad that you are experiencing the same thing, but I also think it actually makes us stronger in our minds in a different way, God Willing. The thoughts I hate besides the harm ones are suspicious thoughts. Like whether someone can be trusted or is telling the truth, or that maybe someone I love is really a horrible/evil person. It makes me scared b/c I know it is not true, but the anxiety makes you fear it, and want to argue with the thought or analyze it. I'm glad you are doing better in terms of handling the thoughts

[Martina23]

Suspicious thoughts, I dont know. But during the last menstrual cycle, I was in the restaurant and there stood a Russian man behind me (there was a buffet table) and was murmuring something. And I got the thought: "please harm him, this is someone very bad who came to harm the people here and you should be the first to knock him down". I almost got nervous break down that I am already schizophrenic. I did not do anything, scared to death, was only looking at him, how he takes food and then when I came back to my table there was again thought "it is just a Russian which is here murmuring something, not an alien or anyone bad".

 

I am also afraid. Somethimes these thoughts look so real that I am really afraid I could get schizophrenie but everyone tells it is not possible. So I am still holding because if they would start to medicate me it would go only worse. Before Lyrica, I had really nothing, I had my head totally ok.

 

I hope it will get better by you soon.

[Fresh]

Hi strongmama ,   it sounds like the mornings are beginning to improve and that's a very good sign.

 

If you're using clonazepam every day or two , it might be better to use it preventatively for a few

days (i.e. before things escalate into panic)  until you get over this rough patch.

 

You're doing great.

 

[strongmama2015]

Udpate: Just completed night 5 of Trazodone reinstatement. My cortisol rush is getting so much better. I'm not being woken up by anxiety anymore. My issue is the early morning anxiety that stretches out the rest of the day. I was getting by using .25mg of Clonazepam every few days. But now I take at least one dose during the day, at varying times, for the last 2 or 3 days. Yesterday was probably my worst day since reinstatement. Intrusive suspicious/paranoid thoughts and harm thoughts were so difficult. My brain felt like it was sizzling inside. When I take the Clonazepam, I get this hot feeling in my chest and in my head. It gradually goes away. I noticed .25mg doesn't do what it used to for my anxiety. I was so desperate about facing the day last night. Instead of waiting until I couldn't take it anymore, I took the Clonazepam when I first got up to head off the anxiety. My anxiety was so bad I could not fall back asleep properly. I drifted in and out of sleep from about 7:30-9:50am. I live in fear of these thoughts. Like they will snake out and take over everything that grounds me, and make me lost touch with reality. I don't know how much longer I can hold on like this. My pdoc wants to see me on Monday. A large part of me wants to be stabilized again on meds until I can come off them properly.My little girls need me, and I feel like my home is a prison and constant reminder of the pain I am going through. I have no idea what's really going on. I know the Trazodone is helping during the night. How come my daytime symptoms have not improved yet?

[Martina23]

 I live in fear of these thoughts. Like they will snake out and take over everything that grounds me, and make me lost touch with reality.

 

Strongmama, I have the same feeling every day. I try to distract and hope that my brain is strong enough that these thoughts do not take over everything. In some way, we have to go through the acute stage of withdrawal, when we want to go off the drugs, there is not other way out. You just have to trust your brain, that you will not harm anyone until the thoughts disappear.  Your brain can be trusted. The rational you will not let do anything bad. It is only your fear that tells you that you may harm someone. Please try to trust your brain and not to worry.

[strongmama2015]

Really need help. Yesterday was a very scary day. I could not shut off the intrusive thoughts. It got so bad with the anxiety that I had such a. Hard time falling asleep b/c my mind even started questioning my reality. Even what words meant and things like that. Now it seems there are more intrusive thoughts than my own thoughts and I am really scared that this is the beginning of the end of my sanity. I can barely eat or drink. I've been taking 6.25mg of Yrazodone for about 7 nights. I'm really considering hospitalization because I am so scared of getting worse. Does this seem troubling to you guys? I am having all kinds of irrational and suspicious thoughts and harm thoughts. What do you all think?

[Martina23]

Hello Strongmana, it is only my opinion but I think that Clonazepam can make these thoughs even worse. I really dont think that you will lose your sanity. You are just in a wave. I have also such waves and then comes a window, and I have almost no intrusive thoughts at all. If your rational brain is still in place, than I dont think it is really dangerous. I have also times when I think that there are more intrusive thoughts than my own thoughts - to be honest it is quite often so. If you can help it, I would not go to the hospital, because you will get only more medication which can make the thoughts even worse because it can supress the natural brakes of your rational brain.

[strongmama2015]

so what is the solution? To keep going this way? I don't want to become delusional and believe my husband and kids are evil, or that the world is out to get me, or any other of the many scary thoughts going through my head. I'm barely eating and drinking and I am terrified of opening my eyes in the morning because of the anxiety and scary thoughts. I hate feeling boxed in. Can't calm down by myself, can't take something to help me, can't go to a hospital. It all seems hopeless and I can't let myself go there. I just can't.

[strongmama2015]

I'm sorry if Insounded rude, Martina. I wasn't trying to be. I'm just scared and don't know what to do.

[Martina23]

Strongmama, I am not angry. For me keep going was the only possibility, but I understand that it is not for you, I am sure that some mod will answer you if you should reinstate or updose something.

[strongmama2015]

Would one of the moderators please respond?

[strongmama2015]

Thank you!

[strongmama2015]

I hope I am not making myself unpopular because of my willingness to try to back on meds if that is what will help me through this. I'm just trying to get some insight into what is happening with the Trazodone reinstatement and anxiety during the day. It is pretty much impossible for me to get back to sleep after I wake up  (around 6am), even if I am dozing because my anxiety is rising.  I don't know if it is more PTSD at this point or anxiety happening during the day on its own. I don't know why I have such an intolerance to the thoughts coming if there is nothing I can do to stop them, only my reaction to them. The not eating and drinking enough is what is also really worrying me. Also, when do I start worrying if it is time to seek really help? These thoughts are so anxiety producing I am so scared I will become delusional. I spend my mornings reading on this site, researching ocd, ect. ect. This morning I couldn't stop myself from calling hospitals and talking to people although I know exactly what they will tell me. It's the reassurance seeking side of OCD. Doing the most basic of things (showering, eating, taking care of my kids) seems so monumental. I am awake from about 6am to 10pm, and that is a long time to be up. I start to get even more bounce back anxiety because I am tired and want to sleep but I have a near phobia of it because of the anxiety. I know I am rambling. I hope a mod can offer some insight. Thank you.

[strongmama2015]

I had hoped a moderator would have answered by now. What I've noticed is that my anxiety starts to rise and peak from about 6am to 11am, even out somewhat, and spike again around 5pm. I'm in a very bad wave of anxiety right now. It used to ease up the closer I got to bed, but yesterday and today it's been following this pattern. Any thoughts? I'm still on 6.25mg of Trazodone at bedtime. I haven't taken the Clonazepam since Saturday.

[AliG]

Hi  StrongMama,

 

I'm sorry you're experiencing anxiety and cortisol spikes. These are common symptoms in withdrawal. This link might help.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/33-waking-with-panic-or-anxiety-managing-cortisol-spikes/

 

Ali.

[Fresh]

Hi strongmamma ,   on the 14th you were improving , but it looks like things are going downhill.

The trazodone had a good effect , and I'd be inclined to increase it.

The 6.25 was a test dose , it might have made you sicker.  But it didn't , so you can feel safe

knowing you can increase it to a point where your symptoms are smothered.

If you go to 12.5mg (1/4 tab.)  it's still a huge difference from the 50mg your brain had become used to.

 

That's what I'd do.  Plus all the distraction and activities you can until it kicks in.

[strongmama2015]

Turns out I was actually taking 12.5 mg instead of 6.25mg. Went to ER where I was up dosed to 25mg. No real symptoms except pounding heart. Morning anxiety was horrible again.

[strongmama2015]

I'm truly considering hospitalization because I cannot seem to feed myself or be able function without severe anxiety and vomiting.

[AliG]

Hi Strongmama,

 

I think you really want to go to hospital . You have been saying that since November 3rd.  You said in post 37 , that you have a " pathological " need to be taken care of. This desire to go to hospital, could possibly be a part of that . I sincerely hope that you don't. It will only make things worse. What is it that you think they can do ? They ( Doctors ) will only dose you up with enough medication to calm you down, then keep you there for a few days until you do indeed " calm down", to the point of being " comatose ". You will certainly come out of there on more medication , and be back to square one ,only with more " meds" to taper off , in the future.

 

Please think about this. Is this what you want ?

 

I hope you decide not to go in that direction, however it's your decision.

 

Ali.