☼ Junglechicken

[Junglechicken]

8 hours ago, RusTW said:

JC sorry about the loss of your father.I too lost my father a few years back 4 months later i developed physical symptoms that turned into health anxiety because nobody could diagnose the symptoms.That kind of loss can plummet anyone whos unaware how things can manifest physically.Health anxiety mixed with withdrawals is very challenging.I noticed you did a candida diet.what caused the candida.cipro caused me to have a sestymic candida infection last year.months to get rid of it.i guess too much curiosity can work against us sometimes.

 

Hi Rus,

 

I'm so sorry you lost your father too (thank you for stopping by, and nice to meet you).

 

Yes HA and WD are a nightmare.

 

the GP I saw this morning about my sciatica, said that stopping the AD would mean that I would feel more pain (true).

 

Yes, I have done an anti-Candida diet twice.  For me the candida issue was brought on by stress and bad diet.  Also women in their 40s are susceptible to yeast infections.

[Junglechicken]

Forgot to mention, I had to take my inhaler last night.

 

For some reason chest felt tight, and I was wheezing a bit.

 

As the farmers have been spraying the fields with fertilizer and baling up straw and hay, there is a lot of dust in the air.  Probably set me off.

[Junglechicken]

I think the chest pains today have been caused by the steroid inhaler I used last night.  One of the side effects.

 

Have had headaches, shakey hands and have felt on edge.

 

Marvellous.

[Junglechicken]

Anyone else react badly to steroid inhalers?

[Junglechicken]

Now realising, that many of my chest and rib symptoms are because of grieving.

 

The loss has hit me massively the last couple of months:

 

Not sleeping well

Fatigue

Chest and rib pain

Constant crying spells esp. crying myself to sleep each night

Loss of interest in life

Racing heart / panic attacks

Sciatic nerve pain (overdoing it in the garden after 2 accidents)

 

Its as well I realise this now, rather than suffering even worse HA.

 

[Junglechicken]

Weight loss going very well - met my 5% target yesterday.  To those in the UK, that's nearly a stone in weight so far, or 4.5kg.

 

However, I'm getting the classic WD flu-like symptoms if I push it too hard.  

 

Yesterday and today have been marathons...…...I've been baking all afternoon as we're having neighbours over for a tea party tomorrow.

 

I was flat-out the whole of yesterday until 9pm as many errands to run.

 

Now exhausted and experiencing flu symptoms (again).

[Junglechicken]

Just got home after a week's vacation (cruise) with MIL, her nieces and one of their husband's.  

 

The Aircon on the ship was absolutely freezing, and so I was either freezing cold or boiling hot.  I also felt extremely fatigued.

 

Did 3 workouts in the onboard gym which helped the sciatica....it's gone which is a win.

 

However, I feel like I'm going down with a virus or something.  Feel like s**t.

 

Cruise itself was lovely (not wanting to omit the positive), saw some fantastic cities and the weather was kind to us.

 

Just feel ill.

[Junglechicken]

Forgot to mention that my gut seized up and I was constipated most of the week :0(

 

Whilst travelling usually my gut settles after a couple of days, but it never did.

[Junglechicken]

Have got a stinking cold ☹️

 

It hit the moment we got off the ship.

[Junglechicken]

Still got this damn cold (Day 10).

 

Coughing up phlegm, although my energy levels are returning.

 

Weight loss going well - losing 1Ib fat a week.

 

Hubby away for night on business trip, and an old friend of his died yesterday (he hasn't had a chance to absorb this news at all).

 

On top of that, having done a lot of research, he discovered that his mother (my MIL) is a covert narcissist (the worst kind).

 

So my mother is an overt narc, and MIL is an even worse narc - great ☹️

[Junglechicken]

Reckon my immune system is compromised at the moment.

 

😣

 

Bad case of thrush and a cold that won't go plus fatigue.

 

A VERY weird letter from my MIL to hubby arrived today ALL ABOUT HER. 

 

"Just to say, because you never read your emails I am writing you this letter.  Should I get diagnosed with Alzheimers/Dementia, please don't let the doctors put me on NSAIDS, this is really important, only let them put me on paracetamol.

 

This is because people with Alzheimers can't communicate properly, and if I'm in pain, I won't be able to tell you this".

 

Un-f*****g believable!

 

She never asked how he was or anything, it was ALL about her.

 

 

[Junglechicken]

Forcing myself to rest today (its a beautiful day), wish I could be out there walking.

 

Still coughing up phlegm.

 

Could be some kind of flu virus.

 

Seeing my ND today.

[Junglechicken]

Resting is doing the trick - Day 3.

 

Phlegm factory has calmed, tinnitus has dropped a few pitches, more energy.

 

Yesterday I had some sharp little chest pains (right side) which scared me a bit, but haven't had them today (think they were caused by coughing).

 

Duh! why don't I ever rest when I should???

 

Grieving kept me awake many nights, and I think I was very short on quality sleep and succumbed to this damn virus.

[Junglechicken]

Have started the ball rolling for PhD research.

 

Did a Skype call with potential co-supervisor this morning.

 

If I pull this off, I would be doing fieldwork in the South Pacific in my ultimate research area which would be a dream come true.

[FarmGirlWorks]

Good luck (and Congrats in advance

[Junglechicken]

21 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Good luck (and Congrats in advance

 

Thank you FGW ☺️

 

Hope WD doesn't obstruct my ability to do this.

 

Potential co-supervisor suggested doing a part-time one on account of fieldwork restrictions.

 

Fieldwork locations are remote, can be dangerous and require complex logistics.

[Junglechicken]

End of second week and still have virus.

 

Yesterday and this morning woke up with funny taste in my mouth.  Mouth was gunky white.  Bacterial build up on tongue.  It isn't thrush as no bright white patches in mouth or on tongue.

 

I think this is the body getting rid of virus, I'm not sure??

 

Put a drop of tea tree oil on tongue and swished around with mouthwash (as suggested by osteo).  Tea tree oil cannot be ingested.

 

 

[Junglechicken]

Still getting a gunky mouth, and weird taste in the mornings.

 

ND says its due to the virus, which makes sense as its still lingering 😕

 

Energy levels fluctuating, woke up feeling energised, now feeling more tired.

 

Still no sign of TOTM, and its now day 33.

[Junglechicken]

Therapist told me off for using WD as an explanation for my negative ruminations / "mind chatter".

 

That was tough to swallow.

 

She said the AD should be well "out of my system" etc., something we have all heard.

 

Anyway, the CBT starts in a couple of weeks after my weight loss program finishes.

 

Felt down today, planted some heather, went for a walk, had a blub over my father...…...life goes on.

[Junglechicken]

My gut has been "off" today ☹️

 

Wondering if it has anything to do with my therapy session yesterday?

 

Therapist insisted I can't possibly be in WD as I took my last dose several months ago.

 

This feels like a WAVE, as my body has been out of whack since getting off that ship 3 weeks ago.

 

Day 34 of cycle, and no sign of TOTM.  Peri-meno in full swing, but the doctor insists I'm "too young".  Great 😥

[apace41]

27 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

My gut has been "off" today ☹️

 

Wondering if it has anything to do with my therapy session yesterday?

 

Therapist insisted I can't possibly be in WD as I took my last dose several months ago.

 

This feels like a WAVE, as my body has been out of whack since getting off that ship 3 weeks ago.

 

 

JC,

 

I can only encourage you to go through your thread for the past [fill in the blank].  You will see that you haven't been "right" for [fill in the same blank].

 

This is true notwithstanding having had treatment from a number of doctors including a naturopath you really like and have faith in from what I can tell.

 

Your therapist is, using the legal term, an idiot.

 

Once the brain/body gets thrown out of whack due to the meds/withdrawal the time frames for healing can be well beyond anything they acknowledge and BEAR NO RELATIONSHIP TO THE MEDS BEING IN THE SYSTEM.

 

It feels like a wave because IT IS  A WAVE.

 

Yes, it has something to do with your therapy session.  Your body has been sensitized by the meds and withdrawal.  As such, stress will set you off.  Hearing from an advisor, a doctor, someone you go to and hope to trust, that what you believe at the core is the problem CAN'T BE the problem is incredibly stressful.  That increased stress causes a cascade of chemicals in your body that trigger physical reactions.  In my mind it is clear you are in withdrawal and that your session yesterday spiked an even greater reaction.  

 

As I've said on my thread, the hardest part is learning to accept for people who are used to being in control.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Junglechicken]

3 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

JC,

 

I can only encourage you to go through your thread for the past [fill in the blank].  You will see that you haven't been "right" for [fill in the same blank].

 

This is true notwithstanding having had treatment from a number of doctors including a naturopath you really like and have faith in from what I can tell.

 

Your therapist is, using the legal term, an idiot.

 

Once the brain/body gets thrown out of whack due to the meds/withdrawal the time frames for healing can be well beyond anything they acknowledge and BEAR NO RELATIONSHIP TO THE MEDS BEING IN THE SYSTEM.

 

It feels like a wave because IT IS  A WAVE.

 

Yes, it has something to do with your therapy session.  Your body has been sensitized by the meds and withdrawal.  As such, stress will set you off.  Hearing from an advisor, a doctor, someone you go to and hope to trust, that what you believe at the core is the problem CAN'T BE the problem is incredibly stressful.  That increased stress causes a cascade of chemicals in your body that trigger physical reactions.  In my mind it is clear you are in withdrawal and that your session yesterday spiked an even greater reaction.  

 

As I've said on my thread, the hardest part is learning to accept for people who are used to being in control.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Hi Andy,

 

Good to "see" you!

 

Ughh, I'm not in a good place TBH.

 

"Once the brain/body gets thrown out of whack due to the meds/withdrawal the time frames for healing can be well beyond anything they acknowledge and BEAR NO RELATIONSHIP TO THE MEDS BEING IN THE SYSTEM."

 

My therapist is being an idiot re: WD.  I explained to her in no uncertain terms that I had severe WD symptoms when I first CT'd 3 years ago, and that I had to re-instate Lexapro for the symptoms to reduce and then stop.

 

She has been great as far as my emotional healing goes, but her theory is that if I can re-program my mind through CBT, my symptoms will reduce.  This may be true for some people. There is certainly no harm in testing her theory, and my ND has been encouraging me along the same lines (meditation, radical forgiveness).

 

However, my ND also thinks that the AD should be "out of my system" and that the "toxic load" will have significantly reduced by now.

 

My interpretation, is that my therapist thinks that the SA Forum is for us all to have a whingeing pow pow together about various ailments which have been triggered by anxiety/depression.

 

Since my father died, my WD has increased (I was determined to get off the meds a couple of months after he died).

 

Best,

JC

[apace41]

5 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

My therapist is being an idiot re: WD.  I explained to her in no uncertain terms that I had severe WD symptoms when I first CT'd 3 years ago, and that I had to re-instate Lexapro for the symptoms to reduce and then stop.

 

She has been great as far as my emotional healing goes, but her theory is that if I can re-program my mind through CBT, my symptoms will reduce.  This may be true for some people. There is certainly no harm in testing her theory, and my ND has been encouraging me along the same lines (meditation, radical forgiveness).

 

However, my ND also thinks that the AD should be "out of my system" and that the "toxic load" will have significantly reduced by now.

 

My interpretation, is that my therapist thinks that the SA Forum is for us all to have a whingeing pow pow together about various ailments which have been triggered by anxiety/depression.

 

JC,

 

I have several "advisors" who believe the same thing and I tolerate them for the same reasons you do -- they have my best interests at heart even if they don't understand how A/D withdrawal can affect some people.  There is absolutely no substitute for "lived experience" in this regard.  Do I believe that there is a role for CBT and changing "neural pathways" in the healing process?  Absolutely -- after all, we are all frequently relying on "neuroplasticity" and if we believe in that then why not believe in trying to accelerate that process?  Having said that, do I also believe there is some "baseline healing" that has to occur and that can't be hastened by all the CBT in the world?  Yes.  So, I agree with where you are -- looking to try to improve your position as much as time, money, effort, etc. will allow, but recognizing that some amount of this is likely to only be solved with time.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Junglechicken]

2 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

JC,

 

I have several "advisors" who believe the same thing and I tolerate them for the same reasons you do -- they have my best interests at heart even if they don't understand how A/D withdrawal can affect some people.  There is absolutely no substitute for "lived experience" in this regard.  Do I believe that there is a role for CBT and changing "neural pathways" in the healing process?  Absolutely -- after all, we are all frequently relying on "neuroplasticity" and if we believe in that then why not believe in trying to accelerate that process?  Having said that, do I also believe there is some "baseline healing" that has to occur and that can't be hastened by all the CBT in the world?  Yes.  So, I agree with where you are -- looking to try to improve your position as much as time, money, effort, etc. will allow, but recognizing that some amount of this is likely to only be solved with time.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Andy,

 

And this is why we remain "out at sea" due to WD, because our "advisors" only come at this from one angle.  What they've read in generic terms.

 

Totally agree with you on "Having said that, do I also believe there is some "baseline healing" that has to occur and that can't be hastened by all the CBT in the world? Yes.".

 

Your statement "There is absolutely no substitute for "lived experience" in this regard." is the reason why this forum exists. Time and time again, we are knocked back by "normal" people who have never been on ADs and thus have not had to experience WD.

 

Best,

 

JC

[Junglechicken]

Interview next Friday for a 6 month contract (its a start), and yesterday sent my PhD proposal / CV to a couple of potential supervisors.

 

Fingers crossed this all comes together.

 

STILL got a weird taste in my mouth. 

 

I think its to do with bacterial build up at the back of the tongue (where the taste buds are), and so certain tastes just stay there??

[apace41]

Good luck, JC!  Fingers crossed. 

 

6 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

STILL got a weird taste in my mouth. 

 

Is it metallic?  That’s a strong sign of stress. 

 

Call me “metal mouth”.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Junglechicken]

5 minutes ago, apace41 said:

Good luck, JC!  Fingers crossed. 

 

 

Is it metallic?  That’s a strong sign of stress. 

 

Call me “metal mouth”.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Thank you Andy!

 

No, its like synthetic sugar (really odd) and started last week after the worst of my virus had subsided.

 

ND reckoned its due to being run-down.....getting over a virus??

 

Does your mouth get gunky over night??

 

I recall for well over a year (after we moved back to the UK), I was phlegmy.  Health professionals put this down to "Thames Valley syndrome".  Because its pretty damp here, people go down with colds and viruses pretty easily.

 

Best,

 

JC

[Junglechicken]

Have also lost 12Ibs of weight (so far), that puts me a third of the way along my weight loss journey.

 

That's 5.5 kg.

 

 

[Carmie]

49 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

Have also lost 12Ibs of weight (so far), that puts me a third of the way along my weight loss journey.

 

That's 5.5 kg.

 

 

 

 

Well done!!👏👏👏👏

[Junglechicken]

1 minute ago, Carmie said:

 

 

Well done!!👏👏👏👏

 

thank you Carmie 😀

[Junglechicken]

Got a kind of sinus headachey thing.

 

Loud tinnitus, gut is off etc., spent all day in a van yesterday picking up second hand items we had bought which didn't help my gut at all.

 

Fun, fun, fun.

 

Still got bacterial plaque on back of tongue, fortunately the weird synthetic sugar taste has gone.

[Junglechicken]

Thankfully the sinus headache / migraine has passed.

 

I keep trying to recite to myself "this too shall pass".

 

The stitch in my left side has started up again (not helped by sitting in a van all day Saturday I expect).

 

Did some planting today: heather and herbs.

 

My father loved the moors, so I planted the heather in his memory; and herbs are just wonderful anyway (smell, appearance and for cooking).

[Junglechicken]

PhD discussions are under way with another Skype call this week.  

 

Potentially, another job opportunity as well - job market is picking up momentum again.

 

-----------------------------------------------

 

Gunky mouth thing has calmed (I think my sinuses were badly infected), as I had a right-sided headache, nausea, sore throat and cough.  

 

Still got the ole bacterial scum on back of tongue.  Need to invest in a good tongue scraper.

[Junglechicken]

Ughh!

 

No chance of enjoying anything much for long.

 

Can feel a bladder infection brewing.

 

Immune system is compromised again.  

[Junglechicken]

18 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

Ughh!

 

No chance of enjoying anything much for long.

 

Can feel a bladder infection brewing.

 

Immune system is compromised again.  

 

Its cystitis for sure, lower abdominal and lower back pain combined.  Not to mention the urgency to pee.

 

Absolutely grim ☹️

[Junglechicken]

A bit of a "win" yesterday.

 

Urine sample revealed NO infection.......yet again.

 

I had very strong lower back pain (caused by ovaries apparently), lower abdominal pain (bladder) for the past 4 days.  Kept having to rush to the loo. 

 

NO pain today whatsoever, so I don't need to take any ABs.

 

GP mentioned symptoms could well be due to peri-meno……….ladies, you know what I'm talking about.

 

She said we will need to "build a symptom picture" as to what's going on.

 

She suggested HRT (rather than endless prescriptions for "illnesses" I don't actually have); and so my sample has been sent off to the lab, will find out result next week.

 

If my range of other peri-meno symptoms return, then I'm going to have swabs done and get an answer.  She said I could be treating the wrong thing.

 

Relieved that my surgery is finally taking notice of these symptoms.