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UnfoldingSky

Ataraxia

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UnfoldingSky

I am not sure where exactly to put this as I'm not sure this is ever used in relation to medical or psychiatric issues and it also clearly isn't a symptom of withdrawal.  I came across it while reading about something else, and I thought it was interesting because it basically describes the exact opposite of some my symptoms, that is, a state of being that existed for me before I was harmed by psychiatric drugs. 

 

It appears to be a philosophical term, which wiki describes as meaning "a lucid state of robust tranquility, characterized by ongoing freedom from distress and worry."

 

Because of my psych drug experiences I existed in the exact opposite state, which was a feeling of continual fear and terror.  However, I am long past the overt terror part, now that akathisia is gone.

 

What I am still struggling with though is getting at returning to this basic ataraxic (?) state. I often feel a sense of being mildly uneasy. I can't concentrate well a lot of the time either, which adds to that feeling.  The concentration issue definitely started with the drugs too. Unless I make a point of doing something that is really enjoyable and gets me out of the house I often just wind up feeling mildly uncomfortable.  It's like the baseline feeling of a good mood has been very badly harmed by the drugs.  Even when I was considered to be "depressed" I still often could feel this sort of baseline positivity. 

 

I wonder if others relate to this, who are well into withdrawal and have recovered somewhat.  Or has anyone recovered fully, and they now don't feel a baseline sense of being ill at ease?  Especially people who had severe drug issues?

 

I should emphasize too, I definitely do not have akathisia anymore and can sit still. 

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UnfoldingSky

I meant to say too, it's like I'm mildly hypervigilant, I'm waiting for something awful to happen...But often nothing does.  I'd like to say that it was trauma, as hypervigilance is part of trauma.  And I very much did get it from my experiences.  But it seems like it's  at least partly something else. It's like it's a neurological ill at ease feeling on top of the trauma (which I have partly dealt with too.)  And  I have at least partly resolved the trauma aspect of this too, thus leading me to believe this is more than "simply" trauma.

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