☼ Icebat: Lexapro (escitalopram) withdrawal

[Icebat]

Dear Miracle,

 

I read your whole post carefully and I wish you healing. I would like to offer my experience, as some of my symptoms overlapped somewhat with what you have described.

 

On 3/27/2018 at 8:26 PM, Miracle123 said:

I think of B complex too but due to my so sensitive body i so probia to take any medicine or supplement.

 

I know exactly how you feel regarding being afraid to try supplements. Back when my symptoms were much worse, it seemed like just about every supplement would make me feel terrible. Even supposedly calming supplements like L-Tryptophan and gut-healing supplements like Butyric Acid seemed to give me terrible side-effects (of depression and intense mental confusion, respectively). What I can tell you is that even when I was feeling at my worst, the B-complex was gentle on me and seemed to have a slight calming effect when not much else did. I see that you are taking an easily-absorbed form of magnesium, which is fantastic in my experience. Another supplement that worked for me as far as calming was GABA. For the GABA I took 20mg nightly and it would calm down my racing thoughts and help me feel more chill, it felt much like a glass of wine (though I was and am currently alcohol-free). It is a natural amino acid (that we eat in our food already anyway) and it acts on the same system that lorazepam does, but in a way that doesn't cause addiction or withdrawal. The trick for me was that GABA is usually sold in 500mg capsules, which is enough to cause side effects in some people. I found 100mg capsules (Stress-Relax brand), I would break open the capsule and use a tiny digital scale to measure out 1/5 of the powder; because my body was so sensitive this was enough to get an effect. The only side effect with the B-complex, again back when I was at my worst as far as symptoms, was that it would make my dreams more vivid especially if I took it close to bed time. That was a concern back when I was having crippling nightmares, but I no longer have nightmares regularly. I understand that throwing down a bunch of supplements is probably the last thing you want to do right now and I respect that. When I first tried these, I would sometimes go a whole 2 weeks evaluating just one new supplement, paying careful attention to how I felt before determining if I wanted to stay on it or drop it.

 

On 3/27/2018 at 8:26 PM, Miracle123 said:

Even i eat small potion my stomach easy get full and stomach also feel cramping when my muscle thightling especially neck and throat area.

 

On 3/27/2018 at 8:26 PM, Miracle123 said:

Whole body jerk or like a electrical shock all i got come from nervous damage or readjust i think.

 

An important question to ask is whether all of your symptoms started to come up during a change in living situation. For instance, my symptoms started to get bad the winter after we moved into a house that I now know was full of mold. In my case it was even worse though since I was also not eating regularly, eating junk food all the time, smoking a bunch of weed and drinking, and all of that x2 since I had just graduated college and had no responsibility for a few weeks. Some combination of that is what caused my mind and body to suddenly crack one night and take years to come back, even after I immediately stopped the drugs and alcohol and ate reasonably health and regularly. What eventually helped was getting out of the moldy house and finally beginning to attack the sinusitis that I believe it gave me (the sinusitis is medically confirmed, it's my strong belief it was from the mold in that house).

 

It seems like you have your diet and sleep schedule in check and aren't doing recreational drugs, so remember to be grateful to yourself for that. And if there's still work to be done there, forgive yourself for any mistakes, thank your past self for anything that's set you up well, and do your best for your future self. This cycle of gratitude has been important at least for me, I learned about it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/cdah4af/

 

Mold toxicity is very underestimated, it turned someone I know from a successful CEO into a confused, hallucinating mess (it hit the rest of her family too). Thankfully when she got out of of the moldy home it reversed completely, she started a new company and is well again. In the US there are specialized urine tests you can get to see if your body is full of mold, I am not sure if they are available where you are. By the time I got the mold urine test I had already been out of the moldy house for over a year, so it came back negative for me.

 

[Miracle123]

Hi Icebat, Thanks a lots for your supportive and encouraged words. Cycle of gratitude is important and know how to love, treat good our body and mind. I still believe time is a point of recovery. I dont think is enviroment because i live the same area more than over 15 yrs (our climate is summer whole year)before i took these devil drugs. Just went over and off completed these WD flare up month by month with new WD. Regarding vitamin and supplement i will try a small portion to see my body reaction first...right now i only took B complex for 2 days only to see the result. My current supplement is probiotic and fish oil only. Slippery elm bark i just stop 2 days ago .....body got bad reaction on it. Thanks and really appreciated it at least you understand my situation and i m not alone here.Still hope for healing and recovery. Take care.

 

Warmest regards,

Miracle

 

[Icebat]

So I have been living in black mold, or Stachybotrys, for the past 2-3 years without knowing it, after moving out of the house before that that I knew was moldy. This strain of mold is notorious for causing debilitating neurological and psychiatric symptoms.

 

The old house had visible mold, but the new house did not have any visible mold. Little did I know that the new house I was moving in to had mold too, it was just completely hidden. Sure turned up in testing though! The ERMI test for my bedroom was over 11, which means "very moldy", or "within top 10% of sampled buildings". The test revealed that the dreaded "black mold" species was a significant component of it. A mold inspector that we hired after the fact confirmed that there was hidden water damage under my room. MY ROOM ONLY, of the house.

 

No (family friendly content)-ing wonder I have still not been getting well. Right now, about two weeks after removing myself from my house, I have been uncharacteristically sleepy during the day and taking naps for an hour or two per day, which I rarely did before. Maybe it's my nervous system finally relaxing after being exposed to the mold for so long.

 

I'm being treated by what seems to be a competent mold MD (at the very least he gives the vibe of experience and is also quite a bro).

 

I've been taking a bunch of supplements like always, but here is my stack right now for my mold detox:

• B Complex by Source Naturals, 2/day - I really feel it when I don't take this one (tired, somewhat depressed). Haven't missed a single day in months.
• Quercetin Complex with Ester-C Plus by Solgar, 2-4/day, to help stabilize mast cells and help with histamine head issues / inflammation. This article from Dr. Jill Carnahan led me to take it.
• Fish Oil by Nordic Naturals, 2/day
• Biopure Chlorella, Yerba Prima Great Plains Bentonite Clay, Activated Charcoal - recommended by doc to remove mold toxins
• UBQH Ubiquinol, 2/day, by Integrative Therapeutics
• BEGI Nasal Spray to try to break biofilms and remove some of the mold in my head, prescribed by doc
• Vitamin D3 3000IU/day - maintenance dose
• Magnesium Glycinate 100mg by Pure Encapsulations, 1 at night
• Tri-Fortify (Liposomal Glutathione) by Researched Nutritionals 2tsp/day

Still feeling optimistic that I'm gonna be posting in the success stories thread with a full time job and a life before the end of next year. Especially now that I'm out of the mold and not going back in (I'm doing the full mold test rigmarole on all potential new living spaces, then quarterly testing as long as I live there).

 

And of course, all of the knowledge and experience that I've gotten by going through this hellish mess will be useful for the rest of my life.

 

Right now I'm working back up to being able to walk 2 miles without stopping, which is a milestone for me. Another milestone is being able to drive for an hour at once without fatiguing. Wish me quick achievements in this regard.

 

Wishing well to all on this forum,

Icebat

[Miracle123]

Hi Icebat, So long never hear from you. Im glad you come back and share with us. Thanks for those information. Hope you will getting well and waiting you to share your success stories too. Take care.

[Happy2Heal]

hi Icebat

just wondering how you are doing

 

[Icebat]

12 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

hi Icebat

just wondering how you are doing

 

 

Thank you for asking! Getting out of the mold helped somewhat but not as much as I thought it would. Still having big digestive issues, diarrhea, and fatigue all the time but especially after meals. I'm recently on Nystatin (antifungal), florastor (probiotic fungal), visibiome (probiotic bacteria), and Restore For Gut Health (humic earth). Starting VIP nasal spray soon in accordance with the Shoemaker mold protocol. If all this doesn't restore my digestion and energy then I'm planning to fly out of country to get a professional fecal microbiome transplant before the end of the year.

 

My intuition says that I am 95% recovered from the Lexapro/mold mind-wise, and that my gut health is the last thing keeping me so fatigued. I feel like my old self again in a lot of respects, just extremely tired all the time.

[Altostrata]

Good to hear you're doing better.

 

In honor of your mostly recovering from Lexapro withdrawal, I've added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to be added to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

I hope your gut issues continue to improve. Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[Miracle123]

7 hours ago, Icebat said:

My intuition says that I am 95% recovered from the Lexapro/mold mind-wise, and that my gut health is the last thing keeping me so fatigued. I feel like my old self again in a lot of respects, just extremely tired all the time.

Hi Icebat, 

How are you? im glad to hear you almost recovery and healing. Hope you will get good solution and getting better in your gut issue. Thanks. Take care.

[Icebat]

On 1/8/2019 at 2:06 PM, Altostrata said:

Good to hear you're doing better.

 

In honor of your mostly recovering from Lexapro withdrawal, I've added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to be added to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

I hope your gut issues continue to improve. Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

 

Thank you Altostrata! I feel far from fully recovered, but if the sun symbol means "withdrawals and even thoughts about the antidepressant are in the past, now with manageable emotions and a plan to recover from the left-over damage", then I am all for that!

 

18 hours ago, Miracle123 said:

Hi Icebat, 

How are you? im glad to hear you almost recovery and healing. Hope you will get good solution and getting better in your gut issue. Thanks. Take care.

 

Thank you Miracle123. I read the last couple pages of your own thread and I am sorry to hear about your difficulties since the holidays.

 

Myself I generally only feel up to really getting out of the house a few days a week, and even then if I'm out too long I get tired. I usually ask my friends to visit my house instead, or chat and play with them over the internet. But for the first time I do feel like I have a pretty solid plan to get back to health. My current doctor is competent at dealing with digestion and fatigue and I am right in the middle of trying a new protocol (with the nystatin and probiotics), and I am seeing a very experienced and highly regarded CFS doctor later this year. Finally, I have the option of trying the FMT, which some people have said not only cures their digestive issues for good, but also hugely improves their mental symptoms (probably for people whose mental symptoms are related to their digestive issues). Generally my mental symptoms get worse when my digestion is worse, and mental symptoms get better when digestion is better, which tells me that if I could get my digestion fixed completely, then my mental symptoms may improve greatly as a result.

 

I barely ate anything at all on the Lexapro in 2015/2016, plus I had that very bad stomach flu in 2017, so it's quite likely that my microbiome is screwed up. But like I said, I have a plan to fix it now.

 

Wishing you the best in your own healing process,

Icebat

[Icebat]

Hopefully not TMI but I just had my first normal bathroom trip in a long while, two days after starting the new supplements/antifungal. Before this ordeal I never dreamed that I could get excited about something like that.

[Miracle123]

Thanks Icebat. Im glad you find out the root caused of gut issue and fix it sooner. Wishing you all the best in your healing. Take good care.

[Carmie]

Hi Icebat, 

 

So glad you had your first normal bathroom trip in a long while. I’m struggling to read long passages at the moment, but did you say you have CFS too? There are a few people on this site that have CFS, myself included. 

 

So happy you have the here comes the sun sign in your thread, that means you’re recovering from these meds. Yay! Sending hugs🤗

[Icebat]

16 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Icebat, 

 

So glad you had your first normal bathroom trip in a long while. I’m struggling to read long passages at the moment, but did you say you have CFS too? There are a few people on this site that have CFS, myself included. 

 

So happy you have the here comes the sun sign in your thread, that means you’re recovering from these meds. Yay! Sending hugs🤗

 

Hi Carmie, I read your signature and I'm sorry to hear what you have been through. My experience is that many doctors have very little real knowledge and respect for these drugs which affect the mind and body in such profound ways.

 

My doctor has diagnosed me with CFS, and looking at my symptoms I can't disagree with him, because I still have bad fatigue that doesn't get better with rest, unrefreshing sleep and cognitive issues. However, It's hard for me to believe in my own situation that my fatigue isn't just a symptom of something else underlying - maybe the obvious digestive issues or maybe something else undiscovered (viral or parasitic??).

 

I have seen so much improvement in the past year it's been crazy. I feel like a really tired version of my old self now, no longer a mindless soulless zombie like I felt on the Lexapro. I think I mentioned this in a previous post, but I feel like I am past the meds and the withdrawal, and doing damage control on my body now. It's been 2.5 years since I've been at zero on all the meds. While I was on the Lexapro, I never could have dreamed of feeling even "okay" again, but here I am, I feel "okay", okay enough to enjoy parts of my day, laugh with friends, and be reasonably empowered to continue working on my health. I no longer feel most days like I'm crawling out of my skin or struggling to do ordinary household tasks.

 

Thank you for the kind words Carmie, I am sending you the best too!

[Carmie]

I’m so glad to read that you’ve seen so much improvement Icebat, 

 

Thats great news. Once you’re past the meds and withdrawals one can get on with the work of recovering from other health issues. CFS is a CNS illness. I only learnt that in the last few years. If you keep dampening down your CNS and those stress hormones you will eventually recover. I’ve read so many stories about people recovering from CFS in the last few years. 

 

I have no hope of recovering until I’m off these meds as they’re wrecking my CNS, but once I am off them I’ll be joining you in the recovery process from my illness too. I’ve had it for over 24 years, but people that have had it longer than me have recovered.

 

Please keep us updated here on your thread, sending hugs🤗.

[JackieDecides]

Hi, Icebat

I'm glad to read you are doing so much better and congratulate you on all the hard work to get where you are now. 

 

and wanted to say I was struck by your siggy: They say your body regenerates itself every 7 years. My new body is going to be made mostly out of organic veggies

 

it made me wonder how much of my body is made of pastry and butter toast! 🙄

[Icebat]

17 hours ago, Carmie said:

I’m so glad to read that you’ve seen so much improvement Icebat, 

 

Thats great news. Once you’re past the meds and withdrawals one can get on with the work of recovering from other health issues. CFS is a CNS illness. I only learnt that in the last few years. If you keep dampening down your CNS and those stress hormones you will eventually recover. I’ve read so many stories about people recovering from CFS in the last few years. 

 

I have no hope of recovering until I’m off these meds as they’re wrecking my CNS, but once I am off them I’ll be joining you in the recovery process from my illness too. I’ve had it for over 24 years, but people that have had it longer than me have recovered.

 

Please keep us updated here on your thread, sending hugs🤗.

 

Will do. The thought of so many people recovering is uplifting, thank you very much for that image! Wishing you the best in your own efforts, I know tapering can be a long process but it's so worth it.

 

8 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

Hi, Icebat

I'm glad to read you are doing so much better and congratulate you on all the hard work to get where you are now. 

 

and wanted to say I was struck by your siggy: They say your body regenerates itself every 7 years. My new body is going to be made mostly out of organic veggies

 

it made me wonder how much of my body is made of pastry and butter toast! 🙄

 

Thank you for the kind words! Better start packing down that kale! 😅

[JackieDecides]

2 hours ago, Icebat said:

Better start packing down that kale

 

I did much better last summer when I could go to the farmer's market most Saturdays. I actually made salads every day. when I get veggies from the store, I often let them rot in the fridge while I eat less healthy stuff. ☹️

 

I do make soup, however, and get in veggies that way. but it's cold and I just don't want salad as much.

[Icebat]

Just now, JackieDecides said:

 

when I get veggies from the store, I often let them rot in the fridge while I eat less healthy stuff. ☹️

 

 

Personally I believe that the choice of whether to eat healthy really happens at the store for the most part. I try to be as mindful as possible at the store, and also try to eat before I go. If I don't buy junk food, it makes it much harder for me to eat it. I also try to prepare additional healthy food when I have energy so that I can just pull it out of the fridge and reheat it if I'm feeling tired.

[Rosetta]

HI IceBat, 

Several months ago I found your thread and you inspired me, and made me feel hope.  Reading your story got me through a very rough patch.   I'm really glad to hear you feel 95% healed at the 2.5 year mark!  I'm sure the fatigue will continue to improve, and I wish you the best with all that you are trying to help with that.  

Rosetta

 

[Icebat]

On 1/15/2019 at 6:39 PM, Rosetta said:

HI IceBat, 

Several months ago I found your thread and you inspired me, and made me feel hope.  Reading your story got me through a very rough patch.   I'm really glad to hear you feel 95% healed at the 2.5 year mark!  I'm sure the fatigue will continue to improve, and I wish you the best with all that you are trying to help with that.  

Rosetta

 

 

Thank you Rosetta, I am glad that my thread was helpful. I read the last page of your thread and my thoughts are with you. Please tell me if you have any questions about anything I wrote. Wishing you the best as well.

[Rosetta]

Thanks, IceBat.  I'll get through this.  I hope you are well. - R

[Peachy]

On 1/9/2019 at 4:47 PM, Icebat said:

. Finally, I have the option of trying the FMT. 

Have you tried this?? I have been debating it for awhile now. I am still tapering, and in acute WD, but I think that having a healthier gut would really help me get off, and heal. Right now I’m having a miserable time. My gut has been in bad shape for a very long time. Probiotics just aren’t cutting it. 

I’m just afraid of the way my nervous system will react, still being in WD. But maybe it’s worth it if it helps me heal I’m the end?  I’m afraid I will never heal if my gut isn’t in order....

[Icebat]

On 3/18/2019 at 9:29 PM, Peachy said:

Have you tried this?? I have been debating it for awhile now. I am still tapering, and in acute WD, but I think that having a healthier gut would really help me get off, and heal. Right now I’m having a miserable time. My gut has been in bad shape for a very long time. Probiotics just aren’t cutting it. 

 

Sorry to hear your gut is still a big issue, Peachy. I haven't tried FMT yet, but it is always on my radar. The thing is that I am not having any of the "classic" IBS symptoms - there is no pain, cramping, bloating, gassiness etc, and I only get diarrhea if I eat a big meal, and even then only sometimes. My biggest issues are that I get depressed and loopy after eating too much food or improper food combinations (and I feel much better when fasting). When I eat, sometimes the food stays in my stomach for many hours, and this is even with taking digestive enzymes with every meal. A few nights ago, I ate a "big" dinner (totally normal-sized by most people's standards) at about 7pm, and I was up at 1am with indigestion and feelings of doom/panic. I didn't eat until 2pm the next day because I was still full in the morning from the dinner I ate the previous night! But I know that FMT has the possibility of helping with this stuff even if one isn't experiencing "classic" gut symptoms.

 

My integrative M.D. believes that I have a fungal overgrowth that is producing gliotoxin - candida I guess, though the scientific jury is out on whether it really produces gliotoxin - but I believe him that it is fungal. I don't think there could be any other possible explanation for the nystatin temporarily fixing my digestion and energy when many of the other ideas he's had have shown very minor benefits, if any. He is putting me on the following now:

• Sach Boulardii by Xymogen - 1 cap twice daily
• Chlorella 5 tabs three times daily with food. (Sunfoods Chlorella)
• Nystatin oral, 3x/day
• After nystatin, CandibactinBR 2 tablets three times daily with meals, and CandibactinAR 1 capsule three times daily with meals.
• Primal Defense Ultra by Garden of Life (1 capsule twice daily)

So the idea is to target the bad fungus by using the nystatin, replace it with good fungus by using the Sach Boulardii, and keep the bad fungus away mid-to-long-term by using the CandibactinAR and CandibactinBR herbal antifungals.

 

On 3/18/2019 at 9:29 PM, Peachy said:

I’m just afraid of the way my nervous system will react, still being in WD. But maybe it’s worth it if it helps me heal I’m the end?  I’m afraid I will never heal if my gut isn’t in order....

 

I had similar fears a year and a half ago when I was unable to digest almost all foods, I would be full all day from a small breakfast (because the food wouldn't digest). In my case, I found out that I had active chronic sinusitis and was being poisoned by toxic mold in my home, then by trial and error I came across the nystatin which helped and probably meant that I had fungal overgrowth. Before I had figured all that out, I was doing bone broth fasting, lots of khichdi, and I also did an elemental diet for a couple weeks - all of which helped me get easily-digestible calories in when everything else was going right through me (the bone broth has some moderate healing properties for the gut, too). It's a frustrating catch-22, but the more food you can digest, the more energy your body will have to fight whatever is keeping you from digesting well. By taking the path that I have, I am at the point now where I wouldn't worry too much about side-effects of an FMT if I were to do it.

 

I was looking into Taymount's partner clinics, but then I read some info on /r/FMTClinics that said maybe Taymount isn't the best. But then again they tend to (pun intended) crap on just about all of the FMT clinics on that forum, so make of that what you will. The only things that I find a bit questionable about Taymount is that they don't match donor age, and they give you implants from 10 separate people. I think it would make a lot more sense to get implants from one specific donor your age. Since everyone's microbiome is so different, I picture getting implants from 10 different donors as being sort of like dropping rainforest, tundra, and savannah fauna together in a cage fight and having them all duke it out. Seems counterproductive when you could just implant a single biome that gets along well together in someone else's gut.

 

I know this was long-winded, it turned into a hybrid post of both my own update and addressing your post. Wishing you luck, and tell me if I can answer any questions!

[Peachy]

@Icebat

thanks for the update. 

Yes, I agree with the Taymount comment. I am trying a friends kids poo. Feels safe, and did my own testing. I think multiple donors, and so much at once is way to drastic at first. 

I was on Lexapro a lot longer than you, but did you experience worse symptoms during your taper? 

[Icebat]

@Peachy My symptoms did indeed get worse during the taper, and for a few months after, though I definitely felt the accomplishment of getting to zero. Then the symptoms started slowly getting better again over the course of a year or two. In my case I took the taper extremely slowly like I know many on this forum do (my last day was going from a single drop of liquid lexapro to zero). Though I should have never been prescribed it in the first place - and I was being wrecked by the toxic mold at the same time, which was causing some of my symptoms in tandem with the lexapro.

[Peachy]

@Icebat how long did you taper for? Im going on a 3 year taper so far, it will be 4 in the long run. 

[Icebat]

@Peachy I was "on" on the Lexapro for just a few months until I decided to get off of it. The taper to 2.5mg only took a couple months for me, but from 2.5mg to zero took about 9 months. Like I said though I was also being screwed by toxic mold that whole time (which caused many of the symptoms the doctor put me on the lexapro for in the first place), so I probably could have gone faster if that weren't the case.

 

I understand you have been on the Lexapro for much longer than I was, though, so a longer taper makes sense. The thinking in this forum is that the longer you have been on it, the longer you may need to taper, all else equal.

 

How is your digestion? Do you feel okay after meals or do you feel heavy like you need to take a nap? For me, ever since 2015 I have felt a little heavy after meals, but especially in 2017-2018 I would get full-blown confusion/disorientation sometimes after a meal. For me, digestion was a key piece in getting myself to where I am today.

[Icebat]

I just got a yearly "howdy-do" email from Surviving Antidepressants, so I wanted to check in again to really hammer home this little sunshine I've got next to my thread. Now that my OSA, MCAS, SIBO, mold toxicity, and a major B-vitamin deficiency have been properly diagnosed and treated, I would say I'm doing and feeling even better than the day the Lexapro was first prescribed to me. At one point needed for me to function in any kind of very basic way, the lorazepam is now working well for me as an as-needed thing to help with MCAS flare-ups. But these flare-ups have gone away completely since I got my B-vitamin levels in check several months ago, making the lorazepam again unnecessary for the time being, cross my fingers. In any case I've taken less than 5 pills over the past two years.

 

I will write the truth that I needed to hear those many years ago: It's possible to rise from the depths of incessant, extreme, all-encompassing mind and body pain to become a fully functioning person again. Over the years since this traumatic experience, I've been on a continuing general trend of feeling less constrained by my health and worrying less about it. I even made a four hour drive and a three mile walk on separate occasions not too long ago, whereas at my worst points years ago I didn't even have the energy to get out of bed and step out the front door. Of course I still need more sleep and have less energy than most people my age, but as long as I don't push too hard I find that I can live a life of normal day to day activities out on the town and at friends' houses (well, as normal as can be with the pandemic out there, don't forget your N95s!)

 

Wishing everyone here well, and sending healing vibes. I've still got email notifications turned on, so if anyone feels like they might benefit by further inquiring about my experience and/or medical history, I will do my best to be a resource.

 

P.S. Not sure I mentioned this before, but my digestive issues improved greatly with treatment by the Xifaxan antibiotic plus fixing my B vitamin deficiency. Neither one nor the other worked in isolation, only the two together worked.

[Altostrata]

Thanks so much, @Icebat A B vitamin deficiency is quite serious!

 

Looking forward to your success story, when you feel like withdrawal is well in your past.