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Nadia 5 Years Off - I Survived Antidepressants


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Orange cat, thanks for addressing sunshine and rain. I am not off of bupropion yet and I often feel what you both have described. Things I normally love to fo, just not motivated to do. I do push myself to do walking and deep breathing and meditation. They are very helpful. I would add this, Wellbutrin / bupropion is very stimulating so I think that as sunshine and rain is off of this now and I am down to 18.75 mg, we definitely are noticing that we don't have that same push from the med. I too am very hopeful, all will come back with time and readjusting our Neuro status. Thanks.

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  • 5 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Just read this again, and thank you again for this post!

My suggestions are not medical advice. They are my opinions based on my own experience, strength and hope.

You are in charge of your own medical / healing / recovery choices.

My success story |  My introduction thread

 

ZOLOFT FREE - COMPLETELY DRUG FREE 4/28/2019! - total time on 28+ years

BENZO FREE! 4/7/2018 - total time on 27+ years

REMERON FREE! 12/11/2016 - total time on 15 months

Caffeine & Nicotine Free 2014 / 2015 - smoked for 28 years

Alcohol Free 4/1/2014 - drank for 30 years

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This brought me out of the blackness today. Thank you so much for sharing your story of healing & recovery.

Original Drug Dose Apr 2016: Adderall XR 30mg, 10mg Abilify, 100mg zoloft, over 700mg caffeine

 

August 2016- 4mg Abilify, 100mg Zoloft, 5mg Ritalin Instant Release, 200-500 Caffeine

 

Sept. 2016 - 2mg Abilify, 100mg Zoloft, 5mg Ritalin IR, ~400mg Caffeine Daily

 

Oct. 2016 - 1.75mg Abilify, others remain the same.

 

Nov 2016 - 1mg Abilify, others the same

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  • 1 month later...

Congratulations to you Nadia!

Reading your success stories is inspirational! Best wishes to you in your future endeavors! :)

DRUG HISTORY:

 

November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction).

January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey).

January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering.

October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg.

September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed.

September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised.

February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. :(

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thank you for sharing your success story!

 

If I may ask (if it's not too personal question) - what happened with your wish to have a baby? did you have one? I didn't have time to read through all of your threads...

in 2002- 0,5 tablet cipramil for half a year, ended it uneventfully. in 2006 - citalopram for half a year, ended in horrific state, ditched the drugs CT. 2007-2008 not feeling well but drug free. in 2008 prozac 20mg + quetiapine 25mg. 2009 tried to stop, ended up in hole after couple of months, started zoloft. 2009-2011 zoloft 50mg. went to 25mg in 2011 summer, it resulted in half a year horrible suffering. reinstated, changed drugs, nothing happened. by 2012 beginning suddenly felt great and CT meds. after 4 months came suddenly most horrible human suffering that's possible. was started on prozac and questiapine. started tapering slowly, GFCF diet and Hardy Nutritionals vitamins in 2013 summer. 

current medications: 1) fluoxetine and quetiapine since Aug 2012; 2) Daily Essential Nutrients by Hardy Nutritionals 7 capsules / since May 2013 + omega3; 3) Gluten-free-casein-free diet since june 2013

 

Started withdrawing slowly since april 2013. Mostly around 10% cuts. 

April'13 - March'14: fluoxetine 40mg -> 19,5mg; quetiapine 50mg -> 40mg
April'14-March'15: fluoxetine 19,5mg -> 14,4mg; quetiapine 40mg -> 22mg

April'15-March'16: fluoxetine 14,4mg -> 7,4mg; quetiapine 22mg -> 15mg

April'16-March'17: fluoxetine 7,4mg -> 5,0mg; quetiapine 15mg -> 7,25mg

April'17-March'18: fluoxetine 5,0mg -> 4,0mg; quetiapine 7,25mg -> 0 (as of 1st Feb 2018)!!!!

April´18-March´19: fluoxetine 4,0mg - > 2,3mg. Jumped off fluoxetine 1,4mg due to pregnancy in July 2019. Oct 2019 severe withdrawal syndrome started.

Took mistakenly a complex for hormonal support that included pregnenolone dec2019-april2020. Stopped it april 2020 and immediately severe akathisia started. Have had life threatening akathisia since, 100% disabled, suicidal, very hard to hold on. 

 

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  • 8 months later...

Hi everyone! I popped by to look up some info and thought I'd say a quick hello! I'm in a bit of a rush, but wanted to let you guys know I'm doing better than ever (November will be 7 years off). I've seen a lot more advances even in the past year... like I thought I was "cured" before, but now I realize there was even more progress to make. I'll come back soon to share more details, but in the meantime, hang in there, everybody!!!! Your brain can heal from this! You can get your life back. Just get through every day, one foot after the other. You've got this!

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Wonderful!

Your are so kind to stop by and give hopes!!!!

 

Hugs,

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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theloneranger86

Nadia

Glad to know you've come out of this. Since you suffered from Anhedonia, did you also get PSSD ? Also when did Anhedonia go away and what was the trajectory of recovery ? (overnight , slow and even, non linear)  . A little elaboration would help a lot of us 

thanks

 

I was on antidepressants for 16 years - mostly SSRIs and Wellbutrin. Today I am celebrating being off of them for 5 years. It was a very difficult road, but I am, for all intents and purposes, recovered. My life is normal now. What few symptoms I have are almost nonexistent, brief and passing, bearable. So many times through the dark tunnel to today I thought I was damned forever, but I made it out. My first answers came from this site, and I am thankful.

 

If you are in that horrible dark tunnel, hang on. Know that even if you don't see the light now, it will come. Keep walking.

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nicolantana

Great story and well done! Do speak about anhedonia a little please!

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Nadia. I have been following your story and progress since I have become a member in 2015. I am tapering Wellbutrin. I am on a long hold right now as I had too RI at 18.75mg after a too fast , 10 month taper and then a crash. I never made it to the zero mark at the time, it just all came down. However, your story has been such a beacon of light. Nadia, could you try to elaborate more about your timeline of improvement. I know we all have our own so maybe that isn't as helpful. Perhaps just giving us a good update on what healing you have experienced even over the past several years. I know you said at 5 you were there, but now, you are even better. How do? What helps make the difference? Is it mostly just time? I know all The healthy lifestyle choices are critical but could you please tell us how you see it, healing, since you have come so very far. Thank you. Looking forward to hearing from you.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi everyone! I popped by to look up some info and thought I'd say a quick hello! I'm in a bit of a rush, but wanted to let you guys know I'm doing better than ever (November will be 7 years off). I've seen a lot more advances even in the past year... like I thought I was "cured" before, but now I realize there was even more progress to make. I'll come back soon to share more details, but in the meantime, hang in there, everybody!!!! Your brain can heal from this! You can get your life back. Just get through every day, one foot after the other. You've got this!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Looking4peace

Nadia,

Reading your journey put into words, my journey.

I am struggling really bad right now. Just over a year off and the symptoms seem to be getting worse.

I plan on re-reading your entire journey, when I get home this evening. Is there one thing that you believed help you the most and getting through the bad thoughts & crying?

Any supplement suggestions?

Thank you so much for sharing.

The fear of 5 years dealing with all this is daunting.

Paul

2001-Started Effexor XR (15 Years on Drug) April 1, 2016- 150 mg Effexor XR discontinued 

Started with 150 Mg-Dropped to 75 Mg after 3 weeks I then dropped to 37.5 Mg,4 weeks later I dropped off the medicine entirely.

Did not find out about weaning until too late. (This was the protocol from my general practitioner)

Symptoms of withdrawal are so severe I tried to reinstate Prozac, 9 months after discontinuing Effexor XR

February 15th, 2017-Started Prozac 10mg 

February 22, 2017 -upped to 20mg one week later (no relief)  Symptoms of Serotonin Syndrome - (OCD, Anxiety, Depression)

March 1st, 2017-Discontinued Prozac (Psychiatrist wanted to increase dose to 40 mg)

Currently on no medications / Currently dealing with Major Windows and Waves

Supplements: Magnesium, Cod Liver Oil, EM-1 probiotic, Restore teaspoon 3x daily,

Will begin to eliminate the following supplements 7/7/2017

vitamin D 10,000 mg, NAC 600 mg, Zinc 50 mg, Inositol 600mg x 4, B-12, Vitamin C 500 mg, GABA 500 mg, Ashwagandha

 

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  • 2 months later...

Hi Nadia, I read your story many times and it gives me hope that one day I will be fully recovered too. You can read my story on the partial recovery story.  You mentioned that you are doing better than ever now? Can you please come again on the forum and write more about your recovery?  Also, when did you start exercising? And what type of excercise you do? Please let me know about your sleeping pattern as insomnia with palpitations is my worst symptom. Thank you so much for spending time with us and writing periodically about your recovery. 

remeron for four and half months. 15 mg for 3 months and 4 days and 7.5 mg for 27 days. After a month later of experiencing withdrawal  , restarted taking remeron again at 15 my for 2 days, 7.5 mg for 1 day and 6 mg for 7 days.

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  • 1 month later...

Hello everyone,

 

Once again I am terribly sorry I "posted and ran" last time as well. As you can imagine, after such an intense life experience, I have some trauma about revisiting (and am sometimes afraid talking about all of this too much will put me back there). I mean to come back more often than I do, and I definitely meant to come back to answer questions. But alas, several months have passed since I logged in.

 

theloneranger86: While I was on Zoloft, I had trouble orgasming (I could do it for the most part if my dose wasn't too high but it would take FOREVER). This improved after quitting. Almost immediately. I don't orgasm as easily as I did before I was ever on meds, but I'd say I'm in a normal range! And sometimes it's so fast I amaze myself. But I think I also had to "train" myself back from overstimulating. Like I got rid of my vibrator, haha... After that I allowed myself to become more sensitive. =) As for anhedonia... I think the worst of it was the first two years. Then it would come and go.

 

gigi63: I'm having trouble answering about the timeline. Overall I would say I went through an extreme crisis that lasted a few months. This was about 3 months after I quit cold turkey, and it was exacerbated by taking an antibiotic for ameobas that is known to cause nervous system issues (as it turned out, my diarrhea and dizziness was because of withdrawal, not amoebas!). That made me go from anxiety to extreme depersonalization and dread and inability to sleep. I'd have panic attacks if I even lay down. I felt completely unfettered from reality, like a bad nightmare or hallucination. I couldn't recognize my sense of self, nothing seemed enjoyable, not even sitting in the sun or feeling warmth. It was horrible. Then over the next year and a half I gradually got better, but it was not linear. I would have periods where I was slightly better, and then feel worse than ever for another bit. Some symptoms, like tinnitus, I developed later. Other symptoms, like the extreme dizziness, mostly went away after a year. After two years I was "functional", but still suffering. I didn't feel like I could declare success until the 5th year.

 

I'm nearing 7 years now, and I have realized I am still prone to having a bad spell if pushed too far, though nothing major. Just a small reminder of what was... for example, if I get really, really stressed, I'll have tinnitus for a day or two. Or I'll have trouble staying asleep past dawn (usually when this happens, I read a bit and then can go back to sleep for a few hours again - certainly not something I was able to do consistently before!). Nothing that affects me greatly or that impedes my functioning. I say I've improved even in the past year or so, though, because about year 5 I remember feeling very anxious when I was applying to a job,. Panic, "deer in the headlights" anxious. And this year I'm applying to a bunch of jobs and I'm fine!! I mean, I get nervous and stressed, but that crazy withdrawal anxiety is gone. I think the important thing is to remember, like you said, YES... we're all different, and your recovery may not look like mine! And recovery isn't linear. And there's probably always going to be a way in which we're a little more susceptible to stressors after this. What we lived is still part of our brain! The neural pathways that developed around the panic and stuff are still there. It reminds me of something I read about PTSD... that even people who recover from it don't "remove" the neural pathways that cause panic, they just build bridges around them. Some weeks ago I got the weird muscle tension I used to get for example, which may or may not be related to withdrawal. But I hadn't had it in years! Then, it just went away.

 

Another thing I've noticed in the past year... last December/January, I had my first real depression in ages, and I no longer have periods of feeling manic -- as if my whole system is going back down to a baseline more like I used to be before meds. I have to admit, the mania was kind of nice sometimes, but now I recognize it was also a part of recovery. After living through years of withdrawal, having little bursts of feeling on top of the world was amazing. It never got to point that it was a problem, but I notice now I'm on the whole way more level! I AM going through perimenopause, so around the time I ovulate and when I'm going to get my period I have stronger PMS than I used to have, but even then I'm not bad in the way I was bad with withdrawal. I'm crabby and moody and sensitive. And DEFINITELY no anhedonia or depersonalization or anything like that. The depression I got happened I think in part because it was winter, and I got sick, and I wasn't able to exercise. The plus side is I slept WONDERFULLY... I could sleep 9 or 10 hours! Like old times! And then when I was able to start exercising it lifted. And that's how it used to be for me. I guess I'm closer to being the old me, if that even makes sense. I wonder if I'll see new changes in the years to come. I am way less cautious about what I consume now, like I can drink now and feel OK, and take kava tea, and eat more sugar... but I've realized that if I want to stay centered, exercise and nutrition are key.

 

Looking4peace: I re-read what I posted earlier in this thread about what helped me, and it is still spot on! I also really, really recommend the book The Happiness Trap. It helped me while I was in withdrawal, but I re-read it recently to help me through some difficult times at work, and it is remarkable how well that approach works for me. It has helped me make room for my more challenging emotions. I'm such a sensitive person, and I always tried to squash that down. It's what led to me going on antidepressants in the first place! Now I try to embrace myself in all my sensitivity. I make room for my emotions, but I don't let them define my actions. No matter what, as the book mentions, there is this part of ourselves that can always be OK... the observing self. Once you realize that, it gets a lot easier! You can read the book in small increments... I hope it works for you as well as it did for me! It helped me more than ANY other method of cognitive behavioral therapy and self help approaches. The key was not rejecting what I was feeling.

 

kara100:  I started by just walking and doing some very simple pilates. I would do what I could each day. Walking more than anything! Eventually, maybe after the first year, I was able to start jogging, too, and to do more advanced yoga. I tried Chi Kung as well. I can't remember the exact timeline, but the important part is to keep at it and to ramp up gradually. If I overdid it I would get flu-like symptoms. Exercise in the morning, not at night. Push yourself, but be mindful that some days are better than others. Don't panic if you get strange symptoms. Just take it a little easier and keep at it. You're not doing longterm harm from overdoing it, but in general you'll get better results if you keep it to under 45 mins a day at first. Now I can do anything! I alternate days of running for 45 minutes and going to a power yoga class the other days. Exercise makes me feel amazing, and keeps me sane.

 

Sooo... it's been a really long week and I'm exhausted so this is not my best writing... I hope I'm making sense. I'm wishing all of you a speedy recovery, and a lot of patience and fortitude in your journey. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I survived those years. I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am now! To be healed, to be able to lead a normal life, to be better than ever in my life in how I deal with my tendencies toward depression. So much of getting better had to do with believing in could happen and finding purpose (even if it didn't feel "real" at first) to survive. Help others. Keep walking. Keep breathing... if you're going through hell, keep going! You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there. If it was there for me, it can be there for you, too. Believe in neuroplasticity and healing. It's real. You will get there. It will be a bumpy ride, BUT YOU WILL GET THERE.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Dear Nadia

Did you ever experience dreams(hallucinations)and Disturbed sleep in your seven years journey?

If yes ,when did they stop?

Are they still bothering your sleep?

Kindly reply.

Cold turkeyed risperidone (1m.g)and trihexyphenidyl combination drug out of ignorance,In August 2016 after one month use.

Withdrawal symptoms settled at dreamful,disturbing sleep.

Thus introduced to olanzapine for sleep.Started using olanzapine out of ignorance.

Tapering olanzapine 10 m.g from February 2017.

May 2018 :Still suffering dreams,Still tapering olanzapine at 0.625.100ml water+2.5 mg olanzapine. June 2018 22.5ml=0.57mg.July 2018 20ml,August 2018-17.5ml,September 2018-15ml,October 2018 10 ml,December 2018 7 ml, BrassMonkey slide method so far at lower doses.2 nd December cold turkeyed , only to reach minure doses as reinstatement to cutshort endless tapering process.4rth December started 1ml.

Almost no symptoms and sleep is better,So started 0.5 ml from 17-12-2018.

"0"from31-12-18.Re birth happened from 10- 2020,as rejuvenation took whole2019.Completely recovered now.

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  • 1 month later...
On 11/2/2017 at 10:27 AM, rupa said:

Dear Nadia

Did you ever experience dreams(hallucinations)and Disturbed sleep in your seven years journey?

If yes ,when did they stop?

Are they still bothering your sleep?

Kindly reply.

 

Hi Rupa,

 

I definitely had disturbed sleep, and vivid... impressions, not quite hallucinations. Happened more with sound than anything, like suddenly hearing a sentence or a piece of music. But in almost every case I could tell it was not real, just things stuck in my head.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Nadia

You are brave.

Cold turkeyed risperidone (1m.g)and trihexyphenidyl combination drug out of ignorance,In August 2016 after one month use.

Withdrawal symptoms settled at dreamful,disturbing sleep.

Thus introduced to olanzapine for sleep.Started using olanzapine out of ignorance.

Tapering olanzapine 10 m.g from February 2017.

May 2018 :Still suffering dreams,Still tapering olanzapine at 0.625.100ml water+2.5 mg olanzapine. June 2018 22.5ml=0.57mg.July 2018 20ml,August 2018-17.5ml,September 2018-15ml,October 2018 10 ml,December 2018 7 ml, BrassMonkey slide method so far at lower doses.2 nd December cold turkeyed , only to reach minure doses as reinstatement to cutshort endless tapering process.4rth December started 1ml.

Almost no symptoms and sleep is better,So started 0.5 ml from 17-12-2018.

"0"from31-12-18.Re birth happened from 10- 2020,as rejuvenation took whole2019.Completely recovered now.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I saw this thread when I did a search for "perimenopause." Perimenopause + withdrawal = AWFUL. I feel like I am in a netherworld. The meds changed my body, and now my body is changing so much on its own. The combination leaves me feeling so emotional and confused. I am trying to do some bodily-affirming things like going to women's circles and doing yoga, etc. 

--Current supplements: Fish oil 1000 mg x4 (split into 2 doses of 1000 mg); Vit. D 2,000 iu once daily; 2-3 tsp coconut oil daily

--3/14/20: Re-discontinued gabapentin after 2 weeks, due to agitation

--2/27/20: Reinstated Kpin .5mg and also briefly reinstated gabapentin 300mg. 2x/daily, to help with side effects (Kpin dose usually taken in a.m. between 5-8 a.m.; gabapentin once in a.m. and once around 6 p.m.)

--2/13/20: Tried reducing Kpin down to .375mg due to dysphoric side effects; tried to CT but started hallucinating again after 4 days

--1/23/20: Placed on daily .5mg dose of Klonopin

--From July 2017-Jan. 2020: PRN Klonopin 1mg. :  up to 1x/day:  sometimes weeks without it, sometimes 1-2x/week, sometimes 4-5x/week; tried to CT in Jan. 2020 and ended up in hospital with delirium and hallucinations

--November 2019: Weaned down gabapentin approx. 100 mg. per week and discontinued it

--August 7, 2019-10/18/19: Reduced Trintellix from 10mg. down to zero (insurance stopped paying for it - I couldn't afford it).

--February 2019-11/30/19: Reduced nortriptyline from 75 mg. to zero

--As of February 2019:  Meds were 10 mg. (1x/day) Trintellix, 75 mg. (1x/day) nortriptyline, and 600 mg. gabapentin

--1992 through 2018: On various cocktails of meds, starting with anafranil

 

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  • 9 months later...

Hi Nadia,

 

I hope this finds you well. Thanks for your posts on this forum, they are really helpful and congrats on being off meds!

 

I have a question for you that I would love to know about.

 

I went off Cymbalta at the end of last year, was ok for about 3 months, then severe anxiety, leading into depression, and an onset of anhedonia... I have since reinstated on a low dose of cymbalta, and am not rejecting it, however, I still have the anhedonia currently.

 

I noticed that in your journey you had a period where you had some anhedonia, and then reinstated, and it was relieved:

 

"I think it "worked" for me to reinstate after 4 months because I put up with a couple of weeks of jitteriness and such created by the ADs and didn't freak out about it. I had JUST started to suffer from anxiety, though... maybe one or two weeks. The other stuff, like depression, depersonalization, anhedonia, etc. had also just started, and those were immediately relieved by reinstating. "

 

I wondered, when you reinstated, did you go back up to the dose you were at before? How severe had your anhedonia gotten at that point, and when it was relieved by that reinstatement, did you sort of go back to 'normal'?

 

I would love to hear about this if you're available to respond.

- 2003 to 2015: celexa, 20 mg, ~12 years

- 2015: easy switch off celexa and onto cymbalta, 30mg

     (over a decade of fantastic years in here, with one anxiety/depressive episode brought on by a breakup, which I got through with therapy, tools, etc)

- 2017: Nov/December: tapered off cymbalta, 20mg --> 0, over 1.5 mo. in conjunction with my (former) psychiatrist. Zero date: 12/15/17

     (I was just sort of curious to try being off meds after so many (great) years. I wondered the degree to which meds may have been affecting my sex drive/orgasm/access to deeper emotions. After going off was ok for about 3 mo... then: horrible anxiety, panic attacks (first time in 14 years and way stronger than I ever had before), agitation, suicidal depression, crushing physical sensation, anhedonia, dp/dr, emotional numbness. Horrible.)

- 2018, July 21: Tried going back on celexa, 5mg

    (HORRIBLE adverse reaction, discontinued after 10 days, stopped 7/31/18, thought I would need to be hospitalized)

- 2018, Aug 3: Tried remeron, got up to 15mg for 14 days, then tapered back down to 3.5 mg/d (super sedating, couldn't think and could feel even less)

- 2018, Sept 7 - Oct: Restarted Cymbalta, ~4mg (sept 9, stopped the 3.5 mg of remeron). Went up to 13 mg Cymbalta, then right back down to 4.5mg.

    (Now see it as withdrawal and am wanting to get off and heal.)

 

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  • 2 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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  • 2 months later...
  • Administrator

@Nadia how are you doing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Nadia,

I just had a question how did recovery happen for you?Was it gradual over time or did you suddenly wake up one day and instantly feel better?

 

Thanks 

2000 - took accutane for my acne 2001 - On Paxil for about 6 months. Stopped due to side effects mainly severe stomach pain, extreme fatigue, headaches

2006 to 2009 - Went on 150mg of Wellbutrin/Bupropion for about 3 years. Side effects were again stomach pain, fatigue and frequent urination. Didn't feel like it helped my anxiety/depression so I stopped cold turkey. I did not have any major problems after going cold turkey at the time.

2009 to 2012 - Starting taking 100 mg of 5htp and whack load of other supplements(multivitamin, omega 3, protein shake, amino acids, sage, magnesium, vitamin D3, apple cider vinegar pills) every other day. Helped with my anxiety/mood quite a bit.

April 2012 - first signs of sexual dysfunction(pre-cum all the time especially when going to the bathroom to pee and not aroused), but issues were minor. But also had feeling as if I am ready to ejaculate all the time.

June 2012 - major weight loss, was about 15 pounds underweight and severe stomach pain and cramps

Nov 27 2012 - Took last pill of 5htp 50mg. Worst issue severe sexual dysfunction(can't get or sustain an strong erection, loss of feeling, no orgasm, no desire for sexual activity, delayed ejaculation, pre-cum when i'm not aroused, feeling of arousal all the time without thoughts) and frequent urination which is why I stopped taking 5htp and all other supplements completely cold turkey. Experienced the following side effects the past year while still taking the supplement and while getting off;

Feb 2013 - started major symptoms of PGAD Dec 2013 - severe muscle tension. Neck shoulder and headaches and migraines.

-insomnia,hives,eye twitching, restless legs, frequent urination/tingling sensation/arousal(PGAD), upset stomach, cramps, bloating, diarrhea, severe sexual dysfunction(no erection, no feeling, no orgasm, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, constant arousal, morning erection not as strong as it used to be, cold damp genitals) brain zaps, dizziness, nausea, chills, fatigue, anxiety. Lack of natural body sweat especially when active.no emotion,tinnitus
Nov 27, 2018 - 6 years off since I took my last pill of 5HTP, 8 years since taking last pill of Wellbutrin

Present Issues - sexual dysfunction and PGAD(frequent urination, Cold feeling in Genitals, etc) - 6 years

headaches, shoulder and neck tension - 5 years 
vertigo - 1 year

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On 10/8/2017 at 6:28 PM, Nadia said:

I AM going through perimenopause, so around the time I ovulate and when I'm going to get my period I have stronger PMS than I used to have, but even then I'm not bad in the way I was bad with withdrawal. I'm crabby and moody and sensitive. And DEFINITELY no anhedonia or depersonalization or anything like that.

Hey! I am REALLY suffering with what I’ve deemed something like “PMDD” although I don’t want to give myself any labels. I suffer greatly a week before and a few days into my period. The last two periods have been so weird, where I had extreme pms for a week, then I spotted a week, then I finally started my period. So 3 weeks total of complete ****. 

 

SO, I’m asking you this bc I was on the same drugs as you, for the same length of time. 

 

I’m worried the drugs were covering this up for me, but then again I know crazy things can happen during your taper/WD.

 

There aren’t a ton of women on here who are still having their cycles. I’m wondering if you experienced extreme pms, and if so, did this mostly heal or get way better for you? I’m terrified I just need to go back on. 

Thanks!!  

 

med history: 17 years total

Concerta: 2 yrs - cold turkey, brought on first "depression" 

Short trials of Zoloft and Effexor: 1-3 years - multiple cold turkey's brought on OCD intrusive thoughts for the first time

Lexapro 15-20 mg (16 yrs)  - tried to quit once, cold turkey, worst WD ever, had to go on to 20mg to stop WD

Welbutrin 150mg (8-ish yrs) NO w/d symptoms from CT

Adderall 5-7.5mg (8-10-ish yrs) quit CT, brought on many WD symptoms, but manageable. 

 

Begin taper March 2018 Currently on 4.4 mg lexapro - down from 20mg

 

Symptoms depression, horrible intrusive thoughts and urges, new onset PMS/PMDD, constant extreme irritation and anger, visual hallucinations, irrational thinking patterns, panic, nausea, dizzy, intolerance to working out, chemical sensitivities, noise sensitivities, memory issues, heart palps, etc. 

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