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Ayaa

☼ Ayaa: waves are still there but it is getting better

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Ayaa

Hello, everyone.

 

Before starting my topic I want to thank founders of this site, stuff and everyone who is writing here. I am visiting SA for many months almost daily. This site helped me to survive. Many times I wanted to start my introduction topic and join discussions but I was not sure that I can express myself in English.

 

The story of my meds started in 1992. I was hospitalized with PTSD. That time I was underage and no one asked me if I want meds. My parents did not have any idea about psychotropic drugs and became agree with doctor’s choice. First day I spent in the transparent room where all kinds of sick people and drugged people stayed on arrival. In the evening I got my first injection (seems to me Diazepam, but may be I am mistaking). This injection switched me off for 2 days. I was living in fog, could not recognize relatives etc. After that they shifted me to the normal room and doctors started their treatment. So many years passed and now I can't remember all medicines I got in that hospital. I remember for sure Haloperidol, Amitriptylinum, Cyclodol. There was something else (actually it was a huge drug cocktail), but I forgot the names. I stayed in hospital for 40 days and then I was prescribed to take them further, but I followed the advice only for a month, and then abruptly stopped taking pills. As a result, I got what was expected – derealization, insomnia, tremor, nausea, mood swings and much more. It lasted for few months, then it got better. No w/d symptoms for many years.

 

Now I understand how lucky I was that time. Of coarse I did stupidity that I dropped all meds at once. If I tapered slowly I would not have  all those consequences. Anyway I recovered comparatively fast (and I guess I would recover from my trauma even faster if I did not go to hospital).

 

I have no idea why my recovery was so successful that time. May be I was young and body was actively helping itself… Or may be meds were different… I don’t know for sure but people say that old meds do not form dependence like latest generation of meds do. May be true may be not… It could be too that I was taking those drugs just for 2 months that’s why w/d was not that much bad.

 

So that story was burried in past and I could never imagine that I would take these meds again. But in 2013 it happened. Severe stress triggered the depression (insomnia, loss of weight, anxiety etc.) and since then another story of meds started. I know I had to be more careful because I already had experience of taking psychotropic drugs. I told about it to my doctor but she convinced me that 20 years before medicines were different and now they have such advanced technologies  blah-blah-blah So I believed there’s nothing to worry about and agreed to take Magic Pill with beautiful name… Paxil. And this was begging of my nightmare…

 

Sorry I can’t tell all my story today. But I will definitely do it later.

 

Thanks to everyone who red my story.


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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Karma

Hi Ayaa,

 

I'm so glad you took the time to begin to share your story.  Thank you for adding your med history in your signature, too.

 

It appears you are med-free since April 2015 and are now dealing with the remaining withdrawals that didn't really start until mid-October.  Can you share what your current symptoms are?

 

Your English is just fine and I look forward to reading the rest of your story.  

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

Karma


2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & 1 mg Xanax & 200 mg Gabapentin
Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg;
Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor

I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers

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Petunia

Welcome Ayaa,

Its great you were able to come here and find support and like Karma, I'm glad you have decided to share your story. I can understand your English easily.

 

I'm sorry you have started having some difficult symptoms now, when you write a little more, we may be about to offer some suggestions that might help.

 

Petunia.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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KarenB

Welcome to you Ayaa,

 

Thanks for sharing your story so far - I'm really glad you are here and finding support. 

 

I guess by now you've seen the page on non-drug techniques for coping with emotional symptoms.  It's my favourite thread here, and no matter what symptoms you're having it has so many good ideas to try.

 

Hugs,

KarenB


2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Ayaa

Thank you all for the warm welcome!

 

I am really happy that I forced myself to start writing here. Recently I avoid conversations even in my own language (especially conversations about health), because it seems to me that I can't put my thinking into words and people don’t understand me, so I prefer to be silent. Here I see many people with the same experience and it is easy to talk about w/d symptoms. I also believe that verbalizing our feelings makes our pain and sorrow less intense. And of coarse the information gathered here is very precious and I would like to get advice from more experienced people. It’s a bit difficult for me to write in language I don’t use in everyday life, but I will try me best. And sorry in advance for grammar mistakes ))

 

It appears you are med-free since April 2015 and are now dealing with the remaining withdrawals that didn't really start until mid-October.  Can you share what your current symptoms are?

 

 

Yes, Karma, you are right, I am med-free from April 2015. But my withdrawal symptoms started while tapering in 2014. I had all classical symptoms. I was not able for any kind of intellectual activity. And physical too. I had memory problems. I had a suspicion that something happened to my legs, because I could not come down from my bedroom to the kitchen on the 1st floor. But nothing was wrong; it was just a terrible weakness. So I was spending the whole day lying in bed about 2 months. No appetite, nausea, headache, sometimes flu-like symptoms, insomnia and sometimes oversleeping (but very interrupted), no energy to move, no desire to talk. Day by day mood was becoming more and more depressed. I was seriously thinking that my brain and body damaged and I will never come back to the normal life. It was very hard to accept, because I used to be very active person. And I could not believe that suddenly I turned into a vegetable. After sometime I started to wake up and  slowly things have become better. Though in that period of time I also had very unpleasant experience with agitation and myalgia.  Anyway majority of symptoms were becoming less severe, and after few months I felt that I am able to function as normal human. From time to time I was feeling that some symptoms are coming back, for example I had paresthesia quite often. But very soon I learnt that my paresthesia becomes much better when I take magnesium (info from this site was very useful and my own dosage I found by experiment).

 

Everything was ok, but in October I understood that something is very wrong again. First of all I noticed that my rhinitis (I got it last February!) is still here. It was not disturbing much in summer, but in autumn it has become worse. I also noticed that my immunity has become weak. I am permanently sick and if I get any kind of infection, allergy, arthritis – it continues for a long time. When one disease goes, other one comes. It is very annoying.

 

This month I also started to feel strange weakness again. My intellectual abilities are worsening, I cannot concentrate. Routine activities take away from me lots of energy. By 5 pm I am already dead and can’t even sit. I also have insomnia and before to sleep I take 3 mg of melatonin, it helps to sleep but the quality of sleep is very bad – nightmares and so on. After few hours I wake up with fear and sometimes even with tears. Mornings are terrible, I am very depressed, but during the day it becomes better. Some days are worse, some days are better. But I still have hope. My experience tells me that the suffering is not endless, “This too shall pass” )) I believe one day this wave will go and a new window will come.

 

So, this is my current situation…

 

I'm sorry you have started having some difficult symptoms now, when you write a little more, we may be about to offer some suggestions that might help.

 

 

Thank you very much for support, Petunia. Today I wrote my current symptoms and I will also share the rest of my med-story. I think it is easier to understand what’s going on when we know the context )) I guess the composition of drug cocktail, the period of time (when I was taking meds),  psychological condition, age and may be even climate – all these factors effect on severity of waves and their duration.

 

guess by now you've seen the page on non-drug techniques for coping with emotional symptoms.  It's my favourite thread here, and no matter what symptoms you're having it has so many good ideas to try.

 

 

KarenB, yes, I’ve visited this link many times and found lots of useful information there. But I did not go through all topics, and I am going to do it tonight, thank you very much for reminder!


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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Altostrata

Welcome, Ayaa.

 

The rhinitis indicates something beyond withdrawal syndrome, perhaps an allergic reaction. You might go on an exclusion diet for a few weeks and see which foods, if any, you might be sensitive to now.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Ayaa

Altostrata, thank you for welcoming and advice.

 

Sorry I did not answer on time. Last week I was feeling not good. In addition to the symptoms I mentioned above, I’ve got a strange feeling of lump in my throat. It is very annoying. But the most terrible thing was a kind of emotional numbness. I don’t know if it can be called anhedonia… Once upon a time this term was used by my doctor who diagnosed me with clinical depression. But now I think I am not depressed, just I am feeling demotivated and cannot even say for sure what I feel, what I want.

 

As for my rhinitis, I have followed your advice and excluded all dangerous foods which probably create allergic reaction. I also excluded all possible indoor allergens  - dust, chemicals etc. The only allergen that I am not able to exclude – my animals. I do not see any difference for a while, rhinitis is still here.  Lets’ see…

 

Actually I have never had an allergic reactions to any foods before. But in childhood I had rhinitis caused by cold weather. Doctors told me it has no connection with viral or bacterial disease,  just seasonal reaction. Every year I was suffering from it from October till April, but when I was about 15 it was gone. Few years before (before starting meds) I got allergic skin reaction caused by cold. Last winter I also had it, and it started earlier then rhinitis. Now I am thinking, if is it possible, that both symptoms can have the same origin…


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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Altostrata

Yes, you could have become sensitive again, and having some kind of seasonal allergy.

 

We call that emotional numbness "emotional anesthesia." Many people feel it when they're off the drugs. Like other withdrawal symptoms, it tends to go away very gradually. See The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization and other topics in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Ayaa

Thanks for this link, Altostrata! I agree that the proposed term "emotional anesthesia" is correct for this kind of emotional numbness. And information from  “The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization” is very useful. By the way I am very happy to report that I am getting better, feeling and emotions are slowly coming back. Mornings are still difficult, but I force myself to wake up and take breakfast. This time the most important thing for me is to avoid obsessive and destructive introspection. I know that if I try to reflect my inner thoughts, examine the feelings, I will lose courage. That’s why I just skip it and go directly to my routine work. It helps, really. By the evening I am near about OK. Another latest discovery - 15-minute walk, which helps me to fight fatigue and improves mood. Before I was going for a walk in the evening, but now I feel that I need to get some natural light (day is very short, sun is setting before 4 p.m.), that’s why I am trying to walk in the daytime.

 

Yes, you could have become sensitive again, and having some kind of seasonal allergy.

 

 

I have got some information about cold allergy. Doctors say that the only way to fight off the allergic reaction is to take antihistamine before going outside. So I have started to take the most common antihistamine given by doctors here – chloropyramine. I used to take it before, for example, this summer I used it when I got stung by a bee. And it helped very well in that case. Now I have been taking chloropyramine for 4 days (every time I go outside), but it does not seem to be helping at all with rhinitis, though cold hives disappear faster. Does it mean that my cold hives have allergic origin and the origin of rhinitis is different?

 

This week I also got other nose related problems. I don’t know if they are related to wave, but as soon as I got them for the first time while taking SSRIs and they were also appearing while tapering, I want to mention them here. I got a kind of smell hallucinations and strange food sensations. I mean that I detect smells which are not existing in reality. I also have decreased taste sensitivity and alterations in the sense of taste.

 

First time I experienced this olfactory and gustatory hallucinations while taking Fluoxetine (Prozak)in high doses (this was the last med I was prescribed by psychiatrist). My doctor said it can be manifestation of disease and started to increase dose until  we reached the maximum. With increasing of doses phantom smells were increasing too. Basically I was experiencing chemical smells (something like acetone, sulfur, burning etc.). The smell was very strong in the evenings and mornings. And it was always coming that time when I was dealing with water (it could be raised humidity, shower etc.). I also had a kind of gustatory hallucinations for some time. In the beginning it seemed I fully lost my taste sensation. Then it came back in twisted shape – I was feeling sweet like bitter etc. During the taper period I got my taste back.

 

I want to add that altogether with Fluoxetine I was taking Akineton and few times I was given Cyclodol (Trihexyphenidyl hydrochloride). By the way the phantosmia (smell hallucination) and gustatory hallucinations are mentioned as a side effect in the leaflet which comes with local Fluoxetine generic. In Akineton’s leaflet hallucinations are also mentioned, but it is not specified.


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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ChessieCat

Hi Ayaa,

 

I saw you question on Catzilla's thread about short days in winter.

 

Some people use light therapy.

 

CC


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Ayaa

Thank you very much, ChessieCat :)


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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O2bhappy

Ayaa,

 

My bad smell started 3 months after I stopped taking Prozac.  Did you olfactory disturbances resolve themselves or do you still have them? 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: Itchy skin, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and anxiety. 

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.

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Ayaa
Did you olfactory disturbances resolve themselves or do you still have them?

 

 

Now I don’t have olfactory hallucinations. Last time I experienced it in winter while having a small “wave”.  Since then I had one more “wave” in spring, but there was no bad smell that time. The rhinitis (I am not sure “rhinitis” is the right word – may be blocked nose, cold or something like that?) and gustatory hallucinations - all of them were always coming together - have gone too.

 

I did not do anything to get rid of this smell. I am regularly taking magnesium, omega-3 and the herb (Google translates it for me as motherwort and Leonurus cardiaca). So, as you see nothing special. I hope this smell will never come again. It is really annoying.


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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O2bhappy

Ayaa -

 

I agree that the smell is very annoying.  It is very upsetting to me.  I wish it would resolve very soon.  I am taking a multivitamin and omega-3.  What type of magnesium do you take and how much?


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: Itchy skin, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and anxiety. 

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.

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Ayaa
What type of magnesium do you take and how much?

 

 

I take Magnesium carbonate. It was recommended 300 mg, but it was too much for me. Now I take 150 mg and this dose is ok.

 

I also noticed that during the ‘waves’ I am craving for magnesium-rich foods (buckwheat, mustard leaves, walnuts etc.). So I am including all these foods in my diet now.

 

I am taking a multivitamin

 

 

What kind of multivitamin? During my early withdrawal I was taking a multivitamin supplement (it was magnesium+kalium+zink+B-vitamins) and found them very activating. I was getting more irritated and stressed, getting troubles with falling asleep etc.

 

and omega-3.

 

 

I don’t really know what exactly Omega-3 does for me, but it definitely does something  :unsure:  Once I conducted the experiment – was not taking the Omega for a few days. My body and brain immediately protested. They said something like: ‘you are going to give us that fat back. Otherwise we’ll spoil your mood’. And so they did. Since that time I have been taking Omega permanently.

 

O2bhappy,  please don't get discouraged if you don't become ‘real you’ immediately after stopping meds. For me, it took more then 1 year to get my ‘real’ self back. I know how difficult it is to believe that everything will be ok when you are inside the ‘wave’, while experiencing nasty physical and emotional symptoms. But you should continue your struggle. Try to keep in mind that your system is rebalancing and continuing to heal. It needs time. Eventually all these horrible symptoms will go away  and you will get back your health and happiness…This idea helps me and I hope it will help to you too.


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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scallywag

Hi Ayaa! 

 

Thanks for sharing a helpful and hopeful post.  I know I'll be putting the magnesium rich foods you identified on my shopping & eating list.

 

If you want to learn more about Omega 3 fish oils, we have an information/discussion thread in the symptoms forum:
Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)   Of course, you may have already read it. :)


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Ayaa

Hi, scallywag!

 

I am very happy that you find my post useful (I am also happy that people can understand my broken English :blush: ).

 

The funny thing is I do not force myself to eat buckwheat and mustard. Nowadays they seem to me very delicious. My granny would be very astonished to see me eating buckwheat :D (she could not find the way to force me to eat this porridge when I was a kid).

 

As for the mustard leaves – this year I am growing them in my garden. We usually use them in salads and also cook with spinach and ginger (both of them are also magnesium rich foods, by the way). Indian food lovers must know this dish as ‘Saag’.

 

I think there was a topic about magnesium too… I should check it, because I had some questions about the use of magnesium oil.

 

If you want to learn more about Omega 3 fish oils, we have an information/discussion thread in the symptoms forum: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)   Of course, you may have already read it.

 

 

I’ve seen this thread before, but going to check it again – very useful information. Thank you very much!


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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scallywag

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Ayaa

Thank you :)


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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O2bhappy

Ayaa,

 

Thank you for letting me know what magnesium that you take.  I will have to get some and try it.  What time of day do you take it? 

 

I take a basic vitamin.  It is actually a chewable one because I hate swallowing those huge vitamins.  I also take a chewable omega-3. 

 

O2bhappy,  please don't get discouraged if you don't become ‘real you’ immediately after stopping meds. For me, it took more then 1 year to get my ‘real’ self back. I know how difficult it is to believe that everything will be ok when you are inside the ‘wave’, while experiencing nasty physical and emotional symptoms. But you should continue your struggle. Try to keep in mind that your system is rebalancing and continuing to heal. It needs time. Eventually all these horrible symptoms will go away  and you will get back your health and happiness…This idea helps me and I hope it will help

 

Thank you for the encouragement.  I am continuing the struggle, but as you know it isn't easy. 

 

I am grateful to have found this site and all the wonderful people on it. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: Itchy skin, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and anxiety. 

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.

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Ayaa

O2bhappy,

 

What time of day do you take it?

 

 

I usually take magnesium in the morning, at the breakfast. Before I was taking it in the evening, but it was affecting my sleep, so morning is the best time for me.

 

I also take a chewable omega-3.

 

 

Thanks for sharing information. I've never heard of a chewable omega-3, now I am going to ask about it at the drugstore. I also don’t like big pills, and my omega is huge. Someone told me to keep it in a freezer, so I do it now. It seems that in this shape I can swallow it better and it also does not leave obnoxious taste in the mouth.

 

I am continuing the struggle, but as you know it isn't easy.

 

 

Yes, struggle is terrible. I'm so sorry that we have to go through it. I have always envied those lucky ones who had no withdrawal or had very mild symptoms. But since we can't change the circumstances, there is nothing left to do, but to fight for survival.

 

I wish you get better soon!


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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O2bhappy

Ayaa,

 

It is so much easier taking the chewable vitamins.  I highly recommend them. 

 

I have also envied the people that have no problems with medicine.  I have a friend that currently takes Prozac and she has had no side effects she can even changes dosages and nothing bother hers.  I am the complete opposite.  It is frustrating.  I agree the only thing we can do is fight for survival.  I saw a patch that said Embrace the Suck.  That is my new motto.  I also tell myself that I am getting healthier being off the medicine. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: Itchy skin, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and anxiety. 

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.

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Altostrata

How are you feeling, Ayaa? It sounds like you're doing better.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Ayaa

O2bhappy,

 

It is so much easier taking the chewable vitamins.  I highly recommend them. 

 

 

I have asked for a chewable omega-3, but at the drugstore they say that they have chewable capsules only for kids (one capsule - 250-300 mg). May be online-stores are going to offer something for adults… I’ll check :) Thanks again for good advice!

 

I have a friend that currently takes Prozac and she has had no side effects she can even changes dosages and nothing bother hers.  I am the complete opposite.  It is frustrating. 

 

 

Yes, I am agreeing, it is very frustrating. One of my co-workers has been taking psychiatric meds for about 10 years and she also has no problem with them. She is coming off psych drugs then starting again and she is ok with it. I was thinking that with me it will be the same, but unfortunately it did not happen...

 

I saw a patch that said Embrace the Suck.  That is my new motto.  I also tell myself that I am getting healthier being off the medicine. 

 

 

I like you new slogan, it sounds very optimistic :)

 

I also tell myself that I am getting healthier being off the medicine. 

 

 

The idea that I already don’t have any drug in my body is also making me very happy. I believe that the body is a very powerful self-healing machine and it has a capacity to heal itself. I hope one day for all of us bad symptoms will be gone and we will get our lives back.


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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Ayaa
How are you feeling, Ayaa? It sounds like you're doing better.

 

 

Altostrata, thanks for asking about me! Yes, I am doing much better now. My last wave hit me in April, but it lasted just for a week. The main symptom of this wave was severe depression. One day I  woke up with the feeling that this is the end and this will never go away. My symptoms began to seem to me terrible and unbearable. Actually I had the same symptoms, but my perception on things was changed. When this wave passed I was wondering what happened to me? Why was I thinking this way? I don’t have answers to these questions. It seems that during the waves something happens to us and everything looks like scary and endless torture… although it is not so. My experience says that each wave has the end. Since the April I am feeling ok. My sleep is still the issue, I have difficulty falling asleep at night and getting back to sleep after waking during the night. But compared to last year, I sleep much better. There were two weeks in this month I slept for 8-9 hours without waking up! This is a great achievement for me. What else is left? Some head stuff, sensitivity to light, paresthesia (numbness behind my nose), fatigue. These symptoms are getting worse if I am stressed or physically tired.

 

So, generally I can say that my ‘windows’ are getting bigger and bigger and severe symptoms tend to be less intense. Now I can work, take care of kids, read, exersice etc. My life is almost the same that was before meds.


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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Altostrata

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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O2bhappy

Ayaa,

 

The chewable Omega 3 that I take actually say adult gummies.  It says to take two chewable gummies, but I only take one.  I am easing myself into taking them.  I didn't want to overload my system. 

 

...I believe that the body is a very powerful self-healing machine and it has a capacity to heal itself ----  I need to remind myself of this during a wave.  When I look back at what my body has been through I can tell that I am healing.  It is certainly a slow process. 

 

When I was on Prozac I always felt very happy go lucky, probably because I was drugged and didn't care about anything.  Sometimes I miss that happy go lucky feeling. 

 

 

 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: Itchy skin, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and anxiety. 

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.

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Ayaa

Thank you very much, Altostrata!

 

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.
Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

 

Thank you very much, Altostrata! :)
 

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

 

 

Ok, I will add news to my wall. And I hope one day I will be able to write my story to Recovery Success Stories!

 


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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Ayaa

O2bhappy,

 

I could not find adult  gummies, so today I have bought chewable tablet version for kids with tutti frutti natural flavor! Tomorrow I am going to check it. I hope it will be more delicious than my huge frozen pills :)

 

I need to remind myself of this during a wave.  When I look back at what my body has been through I can tell that I am healing.  It is certainly a slow process. 

 

 

There is a saying in our language:  he who goes slowly, goes far. It means that slow and steady wins the race  :)  So I hope that the slow healing process will guarantee the full recovery of our system (body).

 

When I was on Prozac I always felt very happy go lucky, probably because I was drugged and didn't care about anything.  Sometimes I miss that happy go lucky feeling. 

 

 

We are paying too high price for those days of ‘happiness’ on Prozak and other Ads… Actually I think that the feeling of happiness (on drugs) is not real one. Our brain produces those euphoric effects and we have something like hypomania… I was feeling too excited, too confident and overly happy. But these feeling were not giving me peace of mind…


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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O2bhappy

Ayaa -

 

I hope the chewable tablets of the Omega-3 work for you.  Tutti frutti natural flavor sounds much better then a "huge frozen pill"

 

I will have to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race. 

 

I do agree with you saying that the feelings of happiness on the drugs is not real.  I thought they were real when I was on them. 

 

I must be in another wave because I have been really having a hard past couple of days.  I came down with a bad cold a week ago, so I know that is not helping.  I find myself thinking if I went back on SSRIs would I feel better.  I know I am just looking for a quick fix to feel better and that going back on any SSRI is not the answer, but some days that is where my mind goes.  I have seen improvements my physical feelings of withdrawal.  My nausea is better, the internal shaking is better, but I am still dealing with this awful smell I get in my nose.  I guess it is an olfactory hallucination.  I am really struggling with the psychological aspects of withdrawal right now.  Just when you think you are feeling a little better then bam a wave.

 

I am sorry to be whining and complaining because I know it could be worse, but I also know it could be better.  :)


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: Itchy skin, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and anxiety. 

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.

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Ayaa

O2bhappy,

 

I'm so sorry you're going through a new wave. I think the cold can trigger it. Don’t worry, it will definitely go away.

 

Someone has said here before, that 10 month wave is very common. It sounds true, because so many people experience a very bad wave at this time. If you check my story you’ll see that I have started this topic when I was having a wave at the same time (I started to taper in December 2014 and a really bad wave came in the mid-October 2015 – it means it was also 10 month ‘wave’). I got all those nasty symptoms including olfactory hallucinations and emotional anesthesia. It was very difficult to cope with... but in the end that wave passed too and the windows have become even better (compared to 1st year's windows). I hope soon you will get better too!


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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geminigirl

My prayers and love are with you Ayaa.


2010 started 10 mg celexa, 2011 went up to 20 mg

06/2014 started tapering (20 mg,10 mg alternate days)

19/09/2014 crashed at 10 mg

20/09/2014 updosed to 20 mg to try and stabilize- Never stabilized and CNS basically plummeted

August 31 2015- Started my 5% taper anyways

May 3 2016- At 14 mg the tapering caught up with me- Withdrawal included severe anxiety, feeling like im on speed, suicidal and homicidal ideation, akathesia, feeling like I was on heroin, memory loss, PGAD, feeling like I was on an acid

May 4 2016- Updosed to 15.5 mg to try and stabilize

​June 4- Started taking 2 mg 5 times a day which adds up to 10 mg because of akathesia when taking my full dose. Akathesia symtpoms smaller

July 27th- Dropped from 15.5 mg to 10 mg because could no longer tolerate taking drug- bad side effects mainly akathesia and emotional deadness.

​Oct 11- Improved a lot since May 4th after my crash. Withdrawal symptoms still left- DR/DP, emotional anasthesia, akathesia, tingling in head, feeling like my body and face disappears, messed up sound interpretation, perception and difficulty reading social and emotional cues during DR/DP, apathy, inability to tell if I am in dream or reality, disturbed sleep. Started having few windows

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O2bhappy

Ayaa -

 

This wave that I am currently in seems different then the other waves I have been in.  I am really scared right now.  I remember in the third month of withdrawal I would wake up very anxious and nervous, and I am glad to say that has passed.  I feel scared for no reason.  I am not thinking about anything scary.  There isn't a lion ready to attack me. I am just scared.  Have you experience this feeling?  If so, what did you do to help yourself.  I know I need to get out of my head, but that is hard to do. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: Itchy skin, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and anxiety. 

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.

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Ayaa

Geminigirl,

 

Thank you very much for your input :) I’ve read your story and I want to say that I am very happy with your today’s update. I wish you get better and better every day, my prayers are with you.


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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Ayaa

O2bhappy,

 

I feel scared for no reason. I am not thinking about anything scary. There isn't a lion ready to attack me. I am just scared. Have you experience this feeling? If so, what did you do to help yourself.

 

 

Yes, I have also experienced the feeling of being scared during my 10 month wave. I did not expect another huge wave after such nice big window and when it happened I was very disappointed and scared. Sometimes the feelings of anxiety and fear were accompanied with all kinds of vegetative symptoms . It was something like panic attack. Mostly I had this situation in the night or early morning. Someone wrote here that this is a common withdrawal symptom. And it has something to do with cortisol level. Well, if it was happening at night I was trying to calm myself down with breathing, walking, praying etc. I think there’s no universal advice, because everyone has his own way to calm down. Some people say that they become calm and go back to sleep faster if they use blackout shades, blackout curtains and a sleep mask. It works for me too.

 

There is a topic about Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing cortisol spikes. Check it, please, may be you will find some useful information :)


1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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O2bhappy

Ayaa,

 

Thank you for sharing the waking with panic or anxiety discussion.  I have read almost the whole discussion and it does make since.  Several months ago I would wake early in the morning with anxiety and feeling very fearful.  Now it seems that my anxiety is constant.  After so many years on SSRIs I am feeling scared living my life without them.  I am so use to the Prozac masking how I was feeling that now I am feeling all the emotions and it is somewhat difficult to handle.  I am very scared about the future.  I cannot distinguish if the feelings I am having are a normal part of living without antidepressants or are withdrawal, or a combination. 


Discontinued Fluoxetine cold turkey after taking it for 12 years. Stopped taking Fluoxetine in August 2015.

My current withdrawal symptoms: Itchy skin, smell hallucination, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and anxiety. 

Synthroid for hypothyroidism.

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