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Destroyed: destroyed by olanzapine


Destroyed

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There's a green light in the room that I cannot turn off so sleeping in darkness is not possible

 

Can you put tape over the light? I've done that.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Petunia:

 

This is just not true. Some people recover faster and other people take longer. We don't know why this is. Some people doing everything 'right' can still take a long time. Its impossible to know how long each person will take. Some factors involved may be related to individual genetics, what drugs were taken and for how long, how the drugs were stopped, other medical conditions, current situation, stress levels, the person's age.

I know I've posted this elsewhere, but it seems appropriate here, and it's short, so:

 

A student comes to the master and says, "How long until I reach enlightenment?"  "Ah," said the master, "5 years."  The student earnestly asks, "But if I work really really hard, and earnestly, and strive really hard, how long, then, will it take to reach enlightenment?"  "Ah," said the master, "20 years.!"

 

Sometimes, working harder, striving for perfection, can make your path more difficult.  I know anhedonia seems like a thing to fight - but waiting is also a form of action, being present and still is a form of action.  People see these as passive - but - if you try them you will learn they are far from it.  Mindfulness is a very active path.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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No the light is on the ceiling and I've got eye mask but can't get on with it. This place I am in does not help me I am vomiting when I come back to this place now and I sleep better at my mums house. There is too much noise here. I must have sleep or I cannot recover. Most nights I dream about sex but how who and where I will get this I have no idea

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Do you have ear plugs for the noise? I've had to use them for most of my recovery in order to stay asleep, I still have to use them or I wake up at the slightest noise, including birds which seem to be active most of the night these days, goodness knows why, I thought birds were supposed to sleep at night. If the eye mask is uncomfortable, some of them are, could you try a different kind? What's the problem with the one you have?

 

I've also had unusual, violent, and disturbing dreams throughout recovery, I think many of us do, its part of the process as our brain is learning how to function properly again without the drugs. Try not to worry about it.

 

If you do your best to cooperate, say the 'right things' and act calm and in control, you will be allowed to go home faster, where you will have more control over your environment.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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I just can't get on with the eye mask. I've got a tribunal on the 19th and my nurse thinks I'll win this time then they have to find me a home. Petunia how long was it till your emotions came back? X

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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Update - today I am going to start running unbelievable

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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Please help someone what is going on in my head I've got my sex drive back but still no emotions or little memory!

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I moved the topic you started (above post) from the symptoms forum. Your thread here is the place for discussing your symptoms and asking these kinds of questions.

 

Full emotional functioning and memories can take a while to come back, so try and be patient. Its good you have your sex drive back and are going running, you are making progress :)

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I just can't get on with the eye mask. I've got a tribunal on the 19th and my nurse thinks I'll win this time then they have to find me a home. Petunia how long was it till your emotions came back? X

 

I've got my fingers crossed for you D.

 

I'm still recovering and my emotions are coming back in a windows and waves kind of pattern. When I'm in a window, or feeling generally better, they feel more 'normal'. When I'm not doing so well, I feel emotionally stunted again. For me its been a process of general improvement with steps backwards and forwards.

 

Most people recover slowly over time, but sometimes its possible to suddenly turn a corner and a symptom just goes away and never comes back.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Thank you all xxxx

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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 D.

 

How's the running going ?

 

Emotions can take a while, to come back . Everyone is different. No one can say, as everyone is individual in that respect.  Like pretty much everything in withdrawal, you really need to throw away the calendar, and just be patient and accepting, as hard as that is . You do seem to be making progress. That is so encouraging. I hope this continues for you.

 

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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I ran once around the garden and. Went to hot yoga and sweated more than usual but my sleep go worse. Sex drive is even stronger but I can't do anything about it :-(

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Gentle exercise is better for us in withdrawal.  Too much can activate our nervous system and make us feel worse.  So don't give it up completely, just go gentle and listen to your body to see what is the right level for you. 

 

You are doing good things to take care of yourself - you'll keep finding your way and what is right for you.

 

Hugs,

Karen

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Be careful with excersise. I can only manage gentle walking at the most.

My sex drive goes crazy sometimes - I'm sure this is all linked to up regulation of dopamine in certain areas of the brain. Strange how we have no emotion yet can experience this feeling. I think this is some kind of PGAD. It does die down though....it comes on for me when I'm not feeling so depressed.

There has been improvement though - hold on to that.

2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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You know,I never forgot songs or lyrics I got a banging phone before Xmas it has a good music player on it and all my favourite songs are on it, it helps a little bit to share songs with people I know on Facebook, they help slightly with memories and motivation.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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God help me my heart is beating even faster and I had a serious appetite this morning I am sobbing because of the terrible state I'm in I just can't bear it I can't find comfort in anything please help me

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Destroyed, (I really don't like calling you that, because you're not)

 

D, I'm sorry you're still having all these nasty symptoms, recovery takes time and part of what supports recovery is learning how to accept what we are feeling, or not feeling, so as not to create added stress and worry.

 

Its going to take as long as it takes and you can help yourself by practicing calmness, acceptance and patience.

 

Have a look at these: 

 

Mindfulness and Acceptance - Surviving Antidepressants

 

The Dr. Claire Weekes Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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After using cognifit for 2 weeks my score has gone from 298 to 408 which is above average for a 44 year old I am now starting to feel depressed which I don't mind because before I felt nothing at all and now I feel frequently cold and hungry I am doing hot yoga once a week and I have started to vomit when I come back here and if my kids get upset can anyone relate to this please x

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

It sounds like the vomiting is due to severe anxiety.  You might get some relief from soothing practices at those difficult times - calming your breathing, a guided meditation etc.  Find what works for you. 

 

We all find it hard when our kids are upset - it must be one of the hardest things about being a parent.  At those times, if you aren't with your kids, you could try writing them a little book, just some pages stapled together, which simply tells the story of your love for them, and how you know it's not easy for them right now. 

 

Sometimes in life all we can do is find one good thing to hold onto, till time gets us to a better place.  You'll come through this - put your focus onto the positive things you can do.

 

Hugs,

Karen. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Thanks karen x

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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Sitting on the sofa at my mums with liquorice tea sweating my bollocks off I just don't know what is happening to my body and I certainly don't know what is happening to my brain. I had a *** at 3am and thought that I was going to die so I am knocking them on the head today. There are all sorts of different smells in the room and I don't know where they are coming from.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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Sick to death of being cold at night hungry and the constant waking up at dumb o clock and how much I hate God

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hear Hear! 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Now off section and am in a supermarket having tea by myself things can only get better now xx

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Congratulations!!!

 

I'm really happy for you. Take care and keep us posted.

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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I think I told you all that my sex drive came back, well tomorrow I am fulfilling my wish which is totally unbelievable. Does anyone here believe that my emotions could return as a result of having sex? Sorry to be so frank but there has to be a reason why this drive has come back, I'm still suffering with memory loss and lack of motivation but this sex thing I must really get out my system.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 Does anyone here believe that my emotions could return as a result of having sex?

 

All good news, Destroyed.  Your situation is remarkable to go from where you were to where you are so quickly!

 

All I can say is to enjoy the moment as it is clearly something that is a need from deep within you.  Whether or not it triggers a return of all emotion is not something anyone can predict.  Science would certainly support the notion that connections and closeness on all levels will stimulate the cortex of the brain, the "primate" portion of the brain, and, over time, that will create the neural pathways for emotional fulfillment.

 

To the extent you are interested in the science behind it, Rick Hanson does some very interesting talks on it.  One of them on "Self-Directed Brain Change" can be found on Sounds True's website.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Well the date never happened and probably won't now, I've developed a sensitivity to the heat from lights and I keep being sick, sleep is all over the shop and I've had enough I just want a life with my kids mum and a fella but it isn't going to happen because God hates me it's as simple as that, and I hate him bitter ******* hatred.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Destroyed,

 

While I understand your frustration, you have made such great progress in the past several weeks I would implore you to spend some time thinking about how far you've come.  There will be other opportunities even though it may not feel like it right now.  This is a small setback in comparison to all the good things that have happened recently.

 

I hope you can step back and see that.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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It's so difficult Andy I've had enough I don't want to kill myself but I've had enough

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I am not surprised you've had enough D.  You have been through so much.  It's a trauma, and any trauma takes time to heal from.  You will continue to heal and change - so these heavy feelings you have right now will not always be with you.

 

Gradually they will lessen, and the good things in your life will come to the fore again.  Like your 3 sons.  Seek out the good things and focus on them.  No situation ever stays the same  - there are always changes.  One day you'll look back on this difficult time in your life and be so glad you kept pressing through and got to better times. 

 

Karen

x

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Thank you everyone. This morning I am awake at half three, starving had an apple, four weetabix and a cup of tea with coconut milk cos I can't drink milk anymore it makes me sick. My body shape is changing daily because of good diet and exercise and my skin is soft and clear, my eyes are gradually returning to green but mentally I am not really any further forward, how can this be? Has anyone else had their body back before their mind or am I the exception? I have potentially got a new man in my life who knows what has happened to me but I'm not sure anything will continue after he meets me because I am simply not normal, he's absolutely stunning and has a kind heart and I want him so much, well I know my body does but my mind just doesn't get it, i hope something will happen to my mind after I sleep with him but I'm not sure it will but I know my body wants it.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • 1 year later...
  • Administrator

Destroyed, how are you doing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Destroyed: destroyed by olanzapine

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